The Father's Song (Matt Redman)
Verse 1
I have heard so many songs
Listened to a thousand tongues
But there is one
That sounds above them all
The Fathers song
The Fathers love
You sung it over me and for eternity
Its written on my heart
CHORUS:
Heavens perfect melody
The Creators symphony
You are singing over me
The Fathers song
Heavens perfect mystery
The king of love has sent for me
And now you're singing over me
The Fathers song
[Verse 1]
[CHORUS]
Its Heavens perfect mystery
The king of love has sent for me
And now you're singing over me
The Fathers song
The Fathers song
The Fathers love
You sung it over me and for eternity
Its written on my heart
Its written on my heart
You sing it over me
Father
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esapsbVXXsc)
Amazed once again, how He notices little people like me..what I need at a point in time, and fills that gap in my heart which I didn't even know was there...
Assurance through a song, He knows it reaches me at the deepest and most intimate level.
17th June was Fathers' Day, ZP had mentioned to me that thoughts about me had come to his mind during church service the day before Father's Day, when his pastor had mentioned that for those of us whose earthly father was already not with them, God the Father is there..
20th June, my dad's 6th death anniversary...I went for a church meeting at night, and "The Father's Song" was sung as the song before we started the meeting...I remember, LH had wanted to start off the session with a simple worship song, and just decided to sing The Father's Song...it was pain and joy all at the same time, the pain of the loss 6 years ago, and yet to know that God reaches to me and cares for a minute little character like me..amazed, and humbled...
Thank You, for singing over me The Father's Song...
Wednesday, July 03, 2013
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Sunday, January 06, 2013
Busyness is not worthiness
Happy new year one and all :)
Covenant Service on 31st Dec 2012 in church last year gave me a big insight and much to chew on for 2013...that is,
"Busy" is a buzz word that people use to measure their self-worth, it gives people the feeling that they are important and useful, and it's almost like the 2nd nature reply to the question "So how have you been?".
Those words really rang an alarm bell when I heard them. I remember when I started the year in the new environment, a month or two on, I began to feel guilty, guilty for not having to work as crazily as I did previously. I felt lost and almost felt a little useless, because I knew all my ex-colleagues were working their butts off and fighting a war almost every other day to prepare the kids for the big 'O's, and there I was, not having to return to work on Saturdays at all (unlike in the previous year, where I was at work every single Saturday from March all the way till October).
I had unintentionally tagged my self-worth and importance to how busy I was, such that not being as busy as before actually lowered my self-esteem as an educator. Yes of course there was also the emotional part of having left an old familiar environment with the most lovely people as colleagues, as well as the kiddos whom I really missed...all that made it worse and made me doubt my decision to move a million times. It made me feel miserable and directionless, and along with many other things in my new environment that bothered me, I couldn't see how this was part of a big plan that was good.
I had not seen the goodness of the time that was given me to rest, and connect with God. And I generally spent the year in frustration and regret, very rarely embracing my new environment.
Something else that my pastor said that lit up a little light in my mind, that is
"...rest is not just inactivity, but rest is ultimately intimacy with the (heavenly) Father. When we have that intimacy, we may be actually engaged in activity, but we are resting. Would you like to see that paradox lived out in your life, having that intimacy with the Lord and being rested in Him, and THEN being effective in the things that you're doing.." - Pastor Joshua Sudharman
To a certain extent, I am sometimes guilty of grumbling about my new role in church, as vocal leader. I never connected that service as a step towards the intimacy with Him, and how that would give me rest for my soul, to fuel me for my daily life.
The last thing which I gleaned over 2012, is my perspective towards wives submitting to husbands.
I've heard this passage read countless times at the countless weddings which I have attended over the last 10 years or so, and yet only now did I truly connected that to my attitude towards my prospective partner. I remember how I used to think that my friends were being pushovers and overly giving into their boyfriend's demands, and how I thought I would have handled their situations had I been the one in their shoes. On hindsight, I saw the self-centredness in my reactions, and how I viewed my rights as being more important than submission out of love.
I never truly understood that being in a relationship was one of giving up personal rights, just like how Christ gave up his rights for us.
I'm glad I managed to learn some lessons in 2012...and in approaching 2013, though I know that my path will still be undulating and uncertain....
...at the very least, I know He holds my tomorrow, and my self-worth is not equated to busyness, but to my intimacy with Him :)
And as I end off...this song hums at the back of my mind..
" I don't know about tomorrow;
I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from its sunshine
For its skies may turn to grey.
I don't worry o'er the future,
For I know what Jesus said.
And today I'll walk beside Him
For He know what is ahead.
Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand.
But I know who holds tomorrow,
And I know who holds my hand."
Covenant Service on 31st Dec 2012 in church last year gave me a big insight and much to chew on for 2013...that is,
"Busy" is a buzz word that people use to measure their self-worth, it gives people the feeling that they are important and useful, and it's almost like the 2nd nature reply to the question "So how have you been?".
Those words really rang an alarm bell when I heard them. I remember when I started the year in the new environment, a month or two on, I began to feel guilty, guilty for not having to work as crazily as I did previously. I felt lost and almost felt a little useless, because I knew all my ex-colleagues were working their butts off and fighting a war almost every other day to prepare the kids for the big 'O's, and there I was, not having to return to work on Saturdays at all (unlike in the previous year, where I was at work every single Saturday from March all the way till October).
I had unintentionally tagged my self-worth and importance to how busy I was, such that not being as busy as before actually lowered my self-esteem as an educator. Yes of course there was also the emotional part of having left an old familiar environment with the most lovely people as colleagues, as well as the kiddos whom I really missed...all that made it worse and made me doubt my decision to move a million times. It made me feel miserable and directionless, and along with many other things in my new environment that bothered me, I couldn't see how this was part of a big plan that was good.
I had not seen the goodness of the time that was given me to rest, and connect with God. And I generally spent the year in frustration and regret, very rarely embracing my new environment.
Something else that my pastor said that lit up a little light in my mind, that is
"...rest is not just inactivity, but rest is ultimately intimacy with the (heavenly) Father. When we have that intimacy, we may be actually engaged in activity, but we are resting. Would you like to see that paradox lived out in your life, having that intimacy with the Lord and being rested in Him, and THEN being effective in the things that you're doing.." - Pastor Joshua Sudharman
To a certain extent, I am sometimes guilty of grumbling about my new role in church, as vocal leader. I never connected that service as a step towards the intimacy with Him, and how that would give me rest for my soul, to fuel me for my daily life.
The last thing which I gleaned over 2012, is my perspective towards wives submitting to husbands.
Ephesians 5:22-28
New International Version (NIV)
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
I've heard this passage read countless times at the countless weddings which I have attended over the last 10 years or so, and yet only now did I truly connected that to my attitude towards my prospective partner. I remember how I used to think that my friends were being pushovers and overly giving into their boyfriend's demands, and how I thought I would have handled their situations had I been the one in their shoes. On hindsight, I saw the self-centredness in my reactions, and how I viewed my rights as being more important than submission out of love.
I never truly understood that being in a relationship was one of giving up personal rights, just like how Christ gave up his rights for us.
I'm glad I managed to learn some lessons in 2012...and in approaching 2013, though I know that my path will still be undulating and uncertain....
And as I end off...this song hums at the back of my mind..
" I don't know about tomorrow;
I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from its sunshine
For its skies may turn to grey.
I don't worry o'er the future,
For I know what Jesus said.
And today I'll walk beside Him
For He know what is ahead.
Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand.
But I know who holds tomorrow,
And I know who holds my hand."
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Reflections from my trip to the Land of Smiles
Just a week ago, I was MBK with some new friends, searching around for my usual thai foodstuff shop (to no avail :p), having a whole new experience of being abroad on my own..on a work trip:)
So last Thursday I set off on my trip to BKK, a 3-day International Baccalaureate Math Standard Level course awaited me. It was the first solo trip for me, I had flown alone on a few occasions, but this time I was going to be staying alone and running about alone too.
Was nice meeting up with J and J, we went to a restaurant called Cabbages and Condoms, sound super sleazy doesn't it?! But truth is, it's not one bit like that at all:) An introduction from their website:
"As one of the most unique restaurants in Metropolitan Bangkok, the Cabbages & Condoms (C&C) Restaurant has attracted international attention. Conveniently located near one of Bangkok's main business districts, C&C is very popular among local and foreign clients.
Our restaurant was conceptualized in part to promote better understanding and acceptance of family planning and to generate income to support various development activities of the Population and Community Development Association (PDA)
We also provide catering services to meet all requirements. And remember, our food is guaranteed not to cause pregnancy."
Cool huh?
I had SOOO much to reflect on, many things that I learnt about myself, many new and interesting insights which I hope I haven't forgotten after 4 tiring days of work upon return..
I had always wondered what it'd be like to go on a solo trip, to take in sights and sounds on my own, to figure out routes to take, to watch my own back. I think I kinda liked the whole process, felt a sense of achievement and independence having to take care of things myself and finding my way around:)
Some things I gained about myself on this trip...
1. I really don't fancy living alone and I wonder if I would have survived taking an overseas University Course :p. don't get me wrong, I'm fine going around on my own, traveling from place to place, being a solo-shopper, but it's living on my own in the hotel room which I didn't enjoy one bit. Somehow living alone gives me the creeps, but once morning comes and the sunrays shine in, I'm all happy and chirpy again :p
2. I really do not mind and in fact enjoy shopping alone! Haha, perhaps because I am always bothered by the fact that others are "waiting aimlessly" while I look at my stuff in a shop, which makes me feel bad..so usually I will keep things short and sweet if I'm the only one interested in the stuff I'm looking at, even if I really wanted to spend more time there.
3. Taking public transport is a good time and space for reading and reflection. Usually it'll take me at least a year (or maybe never) to finish reading a book which I start on. But just on this short trip in BKK, thanks to my hotel being 10 000 miles from the city centre, I had loads of time to read while on the train:) I actually completed about 80% of an e-book, which I only started reading while in BKK. Which makes me realise how much reflection/reading time I'm missing out on because I drive back in SG. But alas, giving up the option of driving is not really an option as I have gotten used to the convenience of it.
4. I love Singapore:) I was actually really happy to be home, to be able to let down my guard, to be back in my room and sleeping on my own bed. (I had always thought of myself as being independent and able to survive without the comfort of my bed and bathroom..afterall, I've camped in tents and bathed in rivers and enjoyed the whole process) Somehow, the darkness in my room felt more familiar than that in my hotel room, it felt, a hundred times more comfortable :) and my conclusion is, I really do have a need for companionship when in unfamiliar territory when night falls, and with companionship, it didn't really matter the physical environment.
So, would I travel alone again? Hmm, I'm not too sure actually. Though I love the independence of it all, and the time I have to myself, but staying alone at night really isn't my cup of tea..thankfully the hotel had free wifi, and I was able to use WhatsApp when I'm back in the hotel at night :p
So last Thursday I set off on my trip to BKK, a 3-day International Baccalaureate Math Standard Level course awaited me. It was the first solo trip for me, I had flown alone on a few occasions, but this time I was going to be staying alone and running about alone too.
Was nice meeting up with J and J, we went to a restaurant called Cabbages and Condoms, sound super sleazy doesn't it?! But truth is, it's not one bit like that at all:) An introduction from their website:
"As one of the most unique restaurants in Metropolitan Bangkok, the Cabbages & Condoms (C&C) Restaurant has attracted international attention. Conveniently located near one of Bangkok's main business districts, C&C is very popular among local and foreign clients.
Our restaurant was conceptualized in part to promote better understanding and acceptance of family planning and to generate income to support various development activities of the Population and Community Development Association (PDA)
We also provide catering services to meet all requirements. And remember, our food is guaranteed not to cause pregnancy."
Cool huh?
I had SOOO much to reflect on, many things that I learnt about myself, many new and interesting insights which I hope I haven't forgotten after 4 tiring days of work upon return..
I had always wondered what it'd be like to go on a solo trip, to take in sights and sounds on my own, to figure out routes to take, to watch my own back. I think I kinda liked the whole process, felt a sense of achievement and independence having to take care of things myself and finding my way around:)
Some things I gained about myself on this trip...
1. I really don't fancy living alone and I wonder if I would have survived taking an overseas University Course :p. don't get me wrong, I'm fine going around on my own, traveling from place to place, being a solo-shopper, but it's living on my own in the hotel room which I didn't enjoy one bit. Somehow living alone gives me the creeps, but once morning comes and the sunrays shine in, I'm all happy and chirpy again :p
2. I really do not mind and in fact enjoy shopping alone! Haha, perhaps because I am always bothered by the fact that others are "waiting aimlessly" while I look at my stuff in a shop, which makes me feel bad..so usually I will keep things short and sweet if I'm the only one interested in the stuff I'm looking at, even if I really wanted to spend more time there.
3. Taking public transport is a good time and space for reading and reflection. Usually it'll take me at least a year (or maybe never) to finish reading a book which I start on. But just on this short trip in BKK, thanks to my hotel being 10 000 miles from the city centre, I had loads of time to read while on the train:) I actually completed about 80% of an e-book, which I only started reading while in BKK. Which makes me realise how much reflection/reading time I'm missing out on because I drive back in SG. But alas, giving up the option of driving is not really an option as I have gotten used to the convenience of it.
4. I love Singapore:) I was actually really happy to be home, to be able to let down my guard, to be back in my room and sleeping on my own bed. (I had always thought of myself as being independent and able to survive without the comfort of my bed and bathroom..afterall, I've camped in tents and bathed in rivers and enjoyed the whole process) Somehow, the darkness in my room felt more familiar than that in my hotel room, it felt, a hundred times more comfortable :) and my conclusion is, I really do have a need for companionship when in unfamiliar territory when night falls, and with companionship, it didn't really matter the physical environment.
So, would I travel alone again? Hmm, I'm not too sure actually. Though I love the independence of it all, and the time I have to myself, but staying alone at night really isn't my cup of tea..thankfully the hotel had free wifi, and I was able to use WhatsApp when I'm back in the hotel at night :p
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Off to Land of Smiles on a sunny Thursday afternoon
So here I am at Changi Airport Terminal 1 on a Thursday morning! :P
Feels incredible actually...I suppse I would hardly get a chance like this if I was still where I was previouly..
It's 3 days of IB course in BKK for me, fully sponsored and the first that I'm travelling alone...all by myself. Wooohoooo :P
Feels exciting but yet at the same time worrying since I have not had time to really go sniff out all the routes to the different places that I want to go to...thankfully taxi fare is relatively cheap in Thailand. Haha..
Will be meeting J, J and B tonigt for dinner..so looking forward to it! (Provided I don't get lost trying to meet up with them :P)
The only downside is my hotel is really miles from the city, in fact it's only 19 minutes from the airport :S
But oh well..
Million stacks of marking awaits me on my table when I get back, but like my colleague said, "enjoy yourself first, come back going to die anyway". Hahaha..so enjoy I shall, though I did pack 2 stacks of quizzes into my luggage to mark there -.-' No matter what I shall complete those stacks in BKK! (plus set a common test, and prepare revision papers, etc..)
Shall head off to get a pack of biscuits in case I get hungry before I get my hands on food...next post shall be from BKK ;) Half an hour to take off! *waves*
Feels incredible actually...I suppse I would hardly get a chance like this if I was still where I was previouly..
It's 3 days of IB course in BKK for me, fully sponsored and the first that I'm travelling alone...all by myself. Wooohoooo :P
Feels exciting but yet at the same time worrying since I have not had time to really go sniff out all the routes to the different places that I want to go to...thankfully taxi fare is relatively cheap in Thailand. Haha..
Will be meeting J, J and B tonigt for dinner..so looking forward to it! (Provided I don't get lost trying to meet up with them :P)
The only downside is my hotel is really miles from the city, in fact it's only 19 minutes from the airport :S
But oh well..
Million stacks of marking awaits me on my table when I get back, but like my colleague said, "enjoy yourself first, come back going to die anyway". Hahaha..so enjoy I shall, though I did pack 2 stacks of quizzes into my luggage to mark there -.-' No matter what I shall complete those stacks in BKK! (plus set a common test, and prepare revision papers, etc..)
Shall head off to get a pack of biscuits in case I get hungry before I get my hands on food...next post shall be from BKK ;) Half an hour to take off! *waves*
Wednesday, September 05, 2012
Out of sight, out of mind...
And so Cher's Day has come and gone, my very first in the new environment...celebrations were pretty entertaining, the kids certainly put in a whole heap of effort into the whole Oh-lympics themed games and all, kudos to them for a job well done:)
As expected, there was but a trickle of appreciation from the new place, expected, since I've only crossed over for 8 months. The best gift was the big card from my silly form class, full of little words from the kiddos..heartfelt words are still the best gift after all these years :)
I didn't expect much from CH either, or at least I told myself not to...but at the bottom of my heart, I guess I really hoped that I was remembered. Not through fancy gifts, nor elaborate surprises, but just a simple sms that told me that though I was far away, I still occupied a tiny corner of their hearts. Perhaps I'm the only one missing someone...and no one else feels the same..."out of sight, out of mind" is such a depressing concept, but yet so true. Yes we don't work for praise nor rewards, and the job really rewards intrinsically...but sometimes the simplest external reward goes a long way, and warms the heart and powers it for another 1000 miles. Or maybe, I'm just being greedy.
I guess being sentimental will kill me one day...
I have gotten used to being at my new place, but most I would still call colleagues, at most good colleagues, and not yet friends..okay perhaps one or two. A part of me still blamed myself for pushing through with my own decision to go. But yes, it's irreversible so just stop it.
September break is half over, and I have done 10% of my work. -.-'' I'm so dead, haha.
I'm so going to finish setting my draft EOY paper by tonight. YES I AM!! (*self-motivational thoughts*)
As expected, there was but a trickle of appreciation from the new place, expected, since I've only crossed over for 8 months. The best gift was the big card from my silly form class, full of little words from the kiddos..heartfelt words are still the best gift after all these years :)
I didn't expect much from CH either, or at least I told myself not to...but at the bottom of my heart, I guess I really hoped that I was remembered. Not through fancy gifts, nor elaborate surprises, but just a simple sms that told me that though I was far away, I still occupied a tiny corner of their hearts. Perhaps I'm the only one missing someone...and no one else feels the same..."out of sight, out of mind" is such a depressing concept, but yet so true. Yes we don't work for praise nor rewards, and the job really rewards intrinsically...but sometimes the simplest external reward goes a long way, and warms the heart and powers it for another 1000 miles. Or maybe, I'm just being greedy.
I guess being sentimental will kill me one day...
I have gotten used to being at my new place, but most I would still call colleagues, at most good colleagues, and not yet friends..okay perhaps one or two. A part of me still blamed myself for pushing through with my own decision to go. But yes, it's irreversible so just stop it.
September break is half over, and I have done 10% of my work. -.-'' I'm so dead, haha.
I'm so going to finish setting my draft EOY paper by tonight. YES I AM!! (*self-motivational thoughts*)
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Hindsight
Wow, has been quite a long hiatus from blogging, I actually miss it. Time really has flown by, it's been close to 5 months at my new workplace.
So much has gone through my mind in the past 4-5 months..many things that I've never thought about nor even realised when I was happily cocooned in my previous warm environment. I have come to experience what is meant by, "the grass is always greener on the other side". Yes it was a personal choice I made to leave, because I weighed the soon-to-be changes that were eventually going to take place at my old workplace, and felt that I needed to go, though, I had not wanted to go immediately, but a year later.
"生在福中不知福", I've come to really appreciate this phrase over the last few months. People really don't know how much they have and what a great place they are in, until they are taken out of it, and look back on hindsight.
My mum used to complain that I always stayed late at work...and nagged me non-stop to change a working environment because she always perceived me as being overworked. After making the move, I do find that I am leaving office way earlier than I used to (partly because I do not want to get caught in the evening jam, which is horrendous), but I have also come to realise, that the reason why I used to stay late in office, was because it was a place which I felt at home at, a warm and cosy environment that was safe to be in, with people whom I called family. It was actually more of a conscious choice of using the office table to do work, rather than being forced to stay till late. It's something, that I only saw after I left the cosyness of my old office table.
Where I am now, the kids need not take part in major national competitions, nor vie for awards of any sort. While it was a minor relief at the start, I have also come to realise that that was a large part of what I enjoyed my work. The months of preparation for something that a team worked closely together to achieve, the sweat and toil and sometimes tears, the exhilaration at the end point...undescribable. I miss having to go out of my way to support the kids in their endeavours, I miss the feeling of beaming as a "proud mama", and the picture of camaraderie that made me proud of the kiddos under me. I miss it, I really do..
There are so many other things that I really miss...my ex-colleagues, some of whom I readily call buddies. I miss being along the corridoor and being able to greet and smile at every individual who walked by, I miss working alongside friends, I miss the familiarity of the clock tower and nearby coffeeshops..I miss my cadets..I miss my the officers...
One thing that that REALLY tugs at my heart, is really not being able to bring my Sec 3 form class through to Sec 4. It's funny, but I actually do think about them every other day..wishing that I was the one who was with them through their O's. To a large extent I hope they would still see me as having brought them through half of their journey to the O's, and keep in contact with me..but I know it's different, when you're not actually there to struggle through the journey with them.
So is the move ALL BAD and nothing to rejoice about? Well, I'm not sure yet..for one, my new colleagues from the same department are a really nice crazy bunch. So it has made working a little more bearable. The kids...well, they are definitely different and took getting used to..
We'll see how it goes...can't wait for the June break to be here..
So much has gone through my mind in the past 4-5 months..many things that I've never thought about nor even realised when I was happily cocooned in my previous warm environment. I have come to experience what is meant by, "the grass is always greener on the other side". Yes it was a personal choice I made to leave, because I weighed the soon-to-be changes that were eventually going to take place at my old workplace, and felt that I needed to go, though, I had not wanted to go immediately, but a year later.
"生在福中不知福", I've come to really appreciate this phrase over the last few months. People really don't know how much they have and what a great place they are in, until they are taken out of it, and look back on hindsight.
My mum used to complain that I always stayed late at work...and nagged me non-stop to change a working environment because she always perceived me as being overworked. After making the move, I do find that I am leaving office way earlier than I used to (partly because I do not want to get caught in the evening jam, which is horrendous), but I have also come to realise, that the reason why I used to stay late in office, was because it was a place which I felt at home at, a warm and cosy environment that was safe to be in, with people whom I called family. It was actually more of a conscious choice of using the office table to do work, rather than being forced to stay till late. It's something, that I only saw after I left the cosyness of my old office table.
Where I am now, the kids need not take part in major national competitions, nor vie for awards of any sort. While it was a minor relief at the start, I have also come to realise that that was a large part of what I enjoyed my work. The months of preparation for something that a team worked closely together to achieve, the sweat and toil and sometimes tears, the exhilaration at the end point...undescribable. I miss having to go out of my way to support the kids in their endeavours, I miss the feeling of beaming as a "proud mama", and the picture of camaraderie that made me proud of the kiddos under me. I miss it, I really do..
There are so many other things that I really miss...my ex-colleagues, some of whom I readily call buddies. I miss being along the corridoor and being able to greet and smile at every individual who walked by, I miss working alongside friends, I miss the familiarity of the clock tower and nearby coffeeshops..I miss my cadets..I miss my the officers...
One thing that that REALLY tugs at my heart, is really not being able to bring my Sec 3 form class through to Sec 4. It's funny, but I actually do think about them every other day..wishing that I was the one who was with them through their O's. To a large extent I hope they would still see me as having brought them through half of their journey to the O's, and keep in contact with me..but I know it's different, when you're not actually there to struggle through the journey with them.
So is the move ALL BAD and nothing to rejoice about? Well, I'm not sure yet..for one, my new colleagues from the same department are a really nice crazy bunch. So it has made working a little more bearable. The kids...well, they are definitely different and took getting used to..
We'll see how it goes...can't wait for the June break to be here..
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