reliance.

too much or too little?

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as with all questions in life... how much is too much? how little is too little?

when "everything in moderation" seems to be the magic formula to solving life's problems, quantifying various amounts of 'care', 'worry', 'happiness' seem too difficult. much too difficult at least, to one like me.

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the random-ness of all this will find it's use someday. i sure hope. =)

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with CA exams just ard the corner, and one i shld be very very worried abt, i'm finding i have too much on my plate, my everyday plate. this plate of mine is tilted, and has strange properties. =S then again, it might all be in my own head. which would make it a very confused one indeed!

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S is the one in question and S affects me more than she realises, and S is not even nearby enough as it is now. maybe one day i will find the magic component that balances it all out. maybe i'll have to look really hard for it, within and without. but maybe too it will just appear through no effort of mine, as with most things that often happen in life.

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"how you view other's dont necessarily determine how they view you"

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what IS the key word? if i had to gut feel something out this very moment.... hmm... i'd say moderation.

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moderation, and me being me, i'd say guided by having tried one's best and having only the best of intentions for the people and things you love.

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wtf? you say.. yes i know. tell me smt new. this bit of blabbershite served its purpose i hope. =P

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"try your best, cos even the good things in life, need moderation" - sadly so...

when does one fail in life?

one fails when you cause pain to the people you love. that i tell you, is where i fail.

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when that happens, all else means for nothing. nothing much really.

mid-year madness!

off peak at work doesnt seem too off peak actually. maybe i'm in the wrong company. lol =P

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seems like so long ago that life was orderly and peaceful. hmm.. well maybe not so peaceful but definitely more orderly. lots more time for reflection and rest, lots of space for quiet moments. not to say that a busy life isnt good at all, it's just at every once in a while it really is good to be able to get away from it all, from living life, to actually think about it. naturally, with more responsibilites as we move foward in life, we worry more about each min we take away from living life. we fear things will get out of hand, that this and that will happen if we're not there to take care of it. but they actually wont, and probably will not miss the little time that we take away to recharge and refocus! life will go on with or without us in tow... sad, but true. =)

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anyway, with the lil more time i have on hand now, i tink i'll rest more. as always, i'll tink abt what kinda future i'm fighting for.. and when i'm rested maybe i'll be more ready to face whatever i have to, on this path i chose. =)

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wudnt it be nice, if the world was cadbury.

wudnt it be nice, if you believed the way i did.

next week...

next week i'll blog. something. something after all this madness.... =)

hating sundays..

i used to love sundays the most, because it usually was the first full day of rest one got. and starting the day early meant that there was alot of time to spend during the day. but not anymore. sundays for me as it is now is quite very dreaded, especially when spent alone. also, it marks the end of the oft-too-short weekend that is so very needed, especially when one has started work!

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shit. it's monday already. time to get to work. =S

eurotrip!

after almost 3 weeks frolicking in the european sun, my fren has finally decided to return home! lol. he departed then on this one way crazy-assed dream to go visit a dear fren and in the process happened to cover quite abit of europe. =P and after all the travelling? how glad he was to be able to have two plain pratas and a teh-o peng at what he'd consider more than a bargain. oh how expensive it is to travel... =S

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all in all i spose he had a good trip, and it made me yearn to get there too. with someone special in the tow of course (or would it be the other way round?) hmm.. either way doesnt matter. no it wont indeed! *fingers crossed*

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and i even got a pressie! lol, chosen by his friend and paid for by him. we make him so broke.. =P

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got off work early today (for once), and had wanted to ask jk out for a meal. hmm..better luck next time then.

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i tink i need a new mouse. the damn thing just died on me. rawr! rambled enough. my bed calls... =)

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"facing moments without judgement or regret, that's something i have to learn."

a walk in the dark.

it's been a long time since i've taken a long walk alone. being back here in singapore just doesnt afford that opportunity as often as i like. which is why one fine day (night) i decided to do just that, to take a stroll home from town. i started from lido to be exact, and what went thru my mind at that very moment was probably along the lines of "how long will this f*ing thing take?" ahwells, i just thought it might do me some good. so off i went. =)

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within the first ten mins of walking, i passed the site of an accident. i was so lost in my thoughts that i only saw the cars when i ran across the road to the centre divider. the dark coloured bmw (i tink) had flames licking the bonnet. but i tink no one was seriously injured. moving on...

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without planning ahead, i was running thru my head which route i shld take to get home. which route would be shortest, and least scary! hehe. after newton, it became sort of like an urban bashing where i just headed in a general direction, making detours as and when needed. which saw me end up in someplace called kent rd, followed by rochore and finally someplace i could identify with, farrer park mrt! =P

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then came the long stretch of serangoon road to upper serangoon road, passing potong pasir and the cemetary near (the yet un-opened) woodleigh mrt. =S as i walked on and on, temptation to give up just kept invading my thoughts. but i figured, do it once and do it well. as with all things in life, if you try so hard and just give up halfway, how do you answer to yourself? i cant. so i didnt. and i wont. and true enough, i reached home in less than 2hrs 30mins. =)

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true, this might seem totally pointless and uncalled for, but it's times like these that gives one time to think (for me at least) and times like these that helps put things in perspective and strengthens resolve. hehe. if nothing else, it let me remember how it was like to walk the whole night for gawd-knws-what-reason while in the army, wishing that i could just stop and rest. and also, never to do it again! =P

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nevermind the bit when i was nearing home going past the old parry primary, dark compund and eerie looking trees, from which i heard rustling noises when i walked pass. spine-tingling!!!!

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to me, life could have been much worse, knowing that there are people who'd have to walk these distances daily.

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"at the end.. a lil worn out.

but also just a lil clearer ...

on what needs to be done."

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game for some walking? count me out for the immediate future willya. =)

recap.

post peak party.

you knw time has flown by when you attend the second clubbing event in a kpmg annual calender. so this time around it was held at MOS, free flow drinks, games, crazy dancing, pictures that will never see the light of day! =) all in all, i must say this time was wayy better than the last. not cos of the venue, but more of the people. after what seemed like a peak audit period that seems neverending, most of us were able to let our hair down and let lose! what little chance for sanity we have. =P

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ahwells, till the next! meanwhile it's back to work with no break in sight till mid july! =S shall plan my holiday to keep me motivated! and frankly speaking, i simply cannot wait. =)

heh..

i've been meaning to blog (serious!), but after work all week all i wanna do is nua. =)

the fun in it all...

... is to enjoy all this with someone else. preferably.. you.

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it's been ages since i've been to ubin, and sunny today seemed as good as any other for a boat ride to the most accessible inaccessible place in singapore, pulau ubin! ok some of you might not agree with me, but i must say nothing gets you feeling you're miles away from singapore like being in faraway changi village getting ready to go on a boat ride to ubin. the salty air, the sea spray, kampung feel. i probably will not get enough of it in this lifetime. and i'd love to share it all with you.. but since you cant be there yet, here ya go.. =)

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"coupons last only as long as the medium in which they are stored in" me

the force of habit.

yea yea... i know i havent been blogging, but habits are hard to break right? so yes i will try, i will try to break this habit of not blogging here as much as i used to. this habit thing is strange indeed. we know it exists, but usually we just tell ourselves "tts us now, we're used to it, it cant be changed so let's just leave it". and then we really do leave it alone because we believe that to be the only way. if it is a gd habit then good and well.... if it's a bad one (i dont wanna venture there)....

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it cant you say? tell that to a neighbour next door who lost a favourite pet of 6 years. tell that to the man that had the use of his limbs till war came about and he lost both legs to a landmine. tell that to a grandpa who smoked for more than 40 years before quitting successfully. tell that to any 18yr old male in singapore who never had a cold shower in his life. =P

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but i believe the bottomline here is mindset (or the lack of choice). the human mind that allows for so many of the wonderful things in life. a belief in yourself does wonders. well ok, you might need a lil reminder here and there (and quite probably a kick and a poke too) but life has often given us enough examples to show us that habits can be broken. cycles can be gotten out of. things can be changed.

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at the end of it all, it is just a choice that we make. so take stock of our life from time to time, make every moment count. today might just be the day we start breaking out of the old routines in life to build a better one for the days to come. am i right or am i right? technically i could be wrong but do correct me, pls do. =P

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ps: remind me to put parking coupons each and everytime i leave the car, even if it is for 5mins. cos you'll never knw what hit you when you see 4 parking attendents walking ard serangoon gardens at the same time. rawr!

steam boats.

the spread.. =)
all hungry...
the never changing
the ever growing (older)

eric.gan.prep
salmon yu sheng.. by eric's mom
all poised to strike
messy as can be
at gan's lovely home

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once again a year is past. we meet again. a lil more. a lil less. but ever the same.

happy chinese new year!

gong xi fa cai!!

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the m.i.a files - part 1

==================

so the past month or so has been hectic. late late nights spent doing gawd knows what... passing seconds and minutes and hours staring at words and numbers that dont always make sense, typing and printing and photocopying so so much. but all that's in a day's work. so there really isnt much i can do about it can i? =)

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many have asked me, isnt audit boring... how hard it is for the hours to be so long... etc. my answer is actually quite a firm no. hmmm. the way i see it, if you are lucky.. this job actually can be more interesting than many others. with such variety and potential to learn from so many people about different fields of work and gain experience from across different industries, what is so boring about it? and as long as i am learning, i spose i'll be ok with it. i mean, it might be tough at times... but it is quite very normal i think. =P

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so that's it about work! heh.

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meanwhile, i've been taking some time too whilst i can to relax abit... not too much tho. and one of which was the two soccer matches that i managed to get tics to! hehe.. the first being the return leg for the singapore-malaysia semis... and it so happened that i wore msia colours! =S scaryyy... the second being the finals bet thailand-singapore and i managed to get jk to accompany me after work, it was fun both time... and most importantly... we won both matches! =) woots!!!

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hmm.. comp seems abit cranky. will cont'd later.. =S

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i do miss blogging properly, sometimes. =)

the Cs and Ps and As...

i dont really get to think too much about things.

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recently i had to think about what bit of studying i have to do now that i've started working. all the options involve quite abit of time, funding and determination i spose... and the indecision. ahhhhhhh!!!!

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so should i take CA or CPA? =P

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both being professional accreditations of some sort that would at some point in the future be a requirement i spose, provided i stay in the line long enough. both would last at least three years and consist of at least 5 exams, costing ard $6-7k in total. CA being the harder one, but as a graduate diploma, more valuable too.

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bah!

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if only time could fast forward for abit.. say one year... maybe things will be oh so much clearer! =)

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hah! i'll keep dreaming till then...

meanwhile,

i spose it'd be hard to blog much

so just call me if i'm wanted! =P

hello 2007...

to a year of work-life balance. increased clarity. greater understanding. memories both good and bad. fun and laughter. things that happen not due to novelty. peace and harmony. joy and happiness. smiles for everyone around.

2006 ended with a bang for me in it's own special way. unlike christmas, the countdown to this day was spent among friends that i have shared so so much with. we've seen each other grow over the years and even tho we weren't and can't always be part of each other's lives all the time, i know we'll not be heading into the new year alone. this year will be a special, much better one... i know it.

goodbye i'll miss you...

...hello i just cant wait!