pain is weakness leaving the body.

​was i overcome by temporary insanity, or was i truly being self-sacrificial? this question has constantly replayed over and over again in my mind. i wonder, and i still wonder.

i don't know where i will garner the strength from. my body dreads the constant fatigue, that is temporarily quelled by the adrenaline rush derived from the satisfaction of service. but is that enough to give me going?

so this was a good reminder of why i'm still plodding along, and a reminder to either keep the heated passion or just die off and be cold, but not lukewarm.

 "I began to realize how important it was to be an enthusiast in life... if you are interested in something, no matter what it is, go at it at full speed ahead. Embrace it with both arms, hug it, love it and above all become passionate about it. Lukewarm is no good."

(Roald Dahl)

this too, was a timely nudge, because i'm trying so hard to fill in those shoes -- when that's the very thing i told myself i wouldn't try to do.

"You be you. Don’t be [others]. You can admire them, appreciate them, and learn from them. But you cannot be them. You aren’t them. In other words, don’t occupy yourself with another person’s assignment; stay focused on your own."
(Max Lucado)

 hardly a legit update,

but because you asked.

and because i need an outlet.