just rambling,
because right now i don't even know what's weighing me down.
ever felt that you're turning into someone you don't know anymore? or things are just plodding along faster than you can grasp hold off, and you're just wishing that there's a pause button in life. so that you can just catch up and get back the momentum of life.
it's the strangest feeling ever i don't even know how to explain it. happiness is temporal. yeah i've kinda internalized that already. but there's this emptiness, this fatigue (or maybe it's just pure laziness). this is probably the longest break i've taken in summer. as much as i feel the slothful nature in me, the other part of my is just tired of busying myself.
i've reached a juncture whereby pouring out your woes is just not the most feasible thing around anymore. and then the vicious cycle begins because a backlog is just there and when you want to let off some weight, it's kinda late to start the story from page one. i don't like talking too much. i feel i always do. at after all that blabber i hear the silence in my ears and feel that i've spoken too much.
"you are confined only by the walls you build around yourself" - totally true. but i think i'm better off living within the walls, shielding away from hurt. hurt is such a trivial matter now, everyone faces it or is facing it so what makes one's own hurt more significant than another?
“Love means knowing when to let go.” (Tony Parson's
Man and Boy). it's true, because it's so worth the pain. but the post letting go is when your world crumbles even after you thought it couldn't crumble further. i've been pushed over and over again in the cycle of emotions, clambering out over and over again, only to be pushed back when i start to think i'm just about alright.
"Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional." (Max Lucado). thought-provoking huh. i'm running away right now cos i'm tired of fighting, i'm inadequate and i'm just too ashamed to turn around for help. i know that right now, even though i feel like i'm walking because i only see one set of footprints, i'm sitting on Your shoulders till i'm ready to be let down to walk alongside you again. i know You'll always be there, even when i'm silly enough to run away, waiting to whisk me back into Your arms.
and so that's the Power of Your Love
as Your will unfolds in my life