Where the -beep- did my week go?!

Indeed.

It is Sunday, and I am truly feeling the after-effects of slogging away for the last few days.

Why did I leave the majority of my work till the end of the week then, one might ask.

Simply because I am only too aware that had I kept my nose to the grindstone without any respite, I most certainly would not have had any rest at all.

So, even though I'm partially kicking myself for allowing myself to slow down at the start of the break now because I have only just completed my political science essay (could have been better written but I haven't the time now), don't think I can finish mugging cell biology (test on tues) and haven't even touched bioinformatics (test on wed - but its open book so I don't have to memorise every single detail) nor my lab report due Thursday, I'm quite glad to some extent as to how my break turned out, really. At least I met up with quite a few people, slept in a few days, listened to more music, painted my nails a brilliant shade of green (with stuck on pink flowers)...

I could have met more, gotten more rest, done more French, more cell biology, more shopping and less Facebooking, but on the whole I'd say that the break was pretty fruitfully spent.

Maybe I shouldn't sound so stressed up in the title then =P

Okies back to cell biology. I will understand and remember all the proteins and pathways and whatever not I WILL.

Arts and Science.

For the nth time since I started undergraduate life, I am thankful that I didn't succumb to doing arts and social sciences. While I am generally interested in most aspects of the arts (can't really say the same for science AHEM math AHEM physics), I really, really HATE writing papers. There's so much to cover, so much to read, so much to CITE. I like constructing an argument, I like finding evidence for it, I just hate the citing part.

Its especially difficult because I generally read and then digest the information and construct it my way, so technically its "my" answer, but but but academically it isn't mine since I read the idea somewhere else so I have to cite it! I don't know, won't I end up citing everything? As though there was no thought process after reading it...

Evidently doing a paper for political science really fried my brain.

Hmm.

Hello ger I have a question for you(rself): Why didn't you apply for overseas med school again this year?

梁山伯与祝英台

I got a violin with philharmonic orchestra version from sien (THANKS!!!) a few nights back.

When I first heard this piece (violin with chinese orchestra) during a chinese lesson in sec1, I remember being very moved, very touched. Some friends cried. I remember we were all stunned at how the piece ends - after the drama, the sad, soothing melody.

Today, I know that that's simply how concertos with 4 movements end - after the climax and hustle and bustle of the 3rd movement, the resolution and reapparance of the motif in the 4th. Similar to the 1st movement, really.

Still, it doesn't change the beauty of the love story, nor the concerto. I haven't been able to find one with violin with chinese orchestra though, so if anyone out there has it... -ahem-




I've been putting a lot of music stuff (esp co) on my blog lately. Maybe I ought to mention stuff like cofilin, profilin, ARP2/3, formin, dynein, kinesin, calmodulin, tropomodulin, tropomyosin, myosin 1 2 and 5, thymosin 4beta, rho, rhe, cdc42, capZ - that's just a selection of proteins from cytoskeleton lectures. I still have the organelle biogenesis notes to go through, and I know that they involve TOMs and TIMs and whatever else. Too Much Information, really.

Today,

I got my study plans endorsed (yay!),

learnt something about LPP (hmm),

wasted loads of time,

played the dizi for TWO straight hours (WOW!!!),

found my gp essay on waste that mr wong kept (must be my proudest moment in hc -_-" even after ripping it apart he kept it as a good example - but he only gave me 68%, reminds me of how I never left extra space at the side of the paper as instructed so that he won't have space to comment too much, and I never knew I used the school foolscap paper),

and learnt that one of my group members in 2201 lab was actually in the same group as my friend and I for 1103, and his lab partner for 1102. Which means I must have seen him before this semester. But I have no recollection AT ALL. Whoops.


Most importantly of all,

I revised MT for 2103.

No Life... HELP!

----------------

大地回春 by 上海民族乐团。I think they edited the song too, its way too short and fairly similar to h*cco's syf version, which we all know is heavily edited.


Hmm. I may be biased, but I think the juniors did better for syf. Expressions and technical wise at some parts.

[edit]
The person who uploaded the video:

As the whole video is too long to be uploaded, I trimmed it with reference to how Hwa Chong Instituition (College Section) Chinese Orchestra performed it at the SYF Central Judging 2007. Hope the cuts are acceptable though

I see. No wonder. HAHA.

zzzzzzz.

Lethargic and laziness - not a good combination.

Right now I'm itching to play my dizi, but I have work to do!!!

co music and mugging is never a good combination.

Missing Stuttgart all of a sudden...

This isnt good actually, I am supposed to be mugging but I suddenly feel rather nostalgic.


The cold in the mornings! This is along Lindenbühlweg, I believe. I don't remember ever taking this picture, but I do remember the cold. Its kinda hard to believe that I ever felt that cold in 3 layers of clothes when I'm sitting here in forever hot singapore. Sighhh...


And this is limpy, who has a really interesting expression on her face. I would too, if I was only wearing 2 layers of clothes and a pair of SLIPPERS. Freeze, she did.


That day at the biergarten, where rau kept laughing madly and limpy kept going hello. I was the only sane one, because I didn't down a single drop of beer. (wasser ist gut für gesundheit.) In case you were wondering, that mug has a capacity of 1 litre.


I look like a fish in here. I sure don't look the sanest, do I?


This picture was specially taken for hs actually, because I was eating peas. (Those round brownish thingys are peas). Frau Westner can cook. Really Well. I look really happy to be eating peas huh?


I can't for the life of me remember where this place is. Konstanz? Nope. No idea.


This was taken in Karlsruhe. We were freezing, yes. Everyone was drinking beer, yes. Apart from me, as usual, yes. My little heisse scholokade cost more than their fat mugs of beer, yes. Ich bin traürig. WARUMMMM?!?!


Me eating what turned out to be the largest döner meal I'd eat in Stuttgart. (Can be found in Vaihingen) It was around 4 euros I think, (sgd8.80 thereabouts) and its considered to be cheap food in deutschland. sobsob. Partially why I don't want to go back for exchange.

We were going "Ich bin kalt" all the time in germany, thinking that it means "I'm cold", and limpy has recently informed me that it actually means that "I have no sexual urges/desires." -headdesk- What a linguistic faux pas. It should be "mir ist kalt."



I won't be returning to baden-wüttemburg for student exchange for various reasons, but I think I'd miss going back to germany together with this bunch of mad friends. I wasn't as happy as I thought I'd be living in stuttgart, in a german environment and culture and what not, but I think it could have been a lot worse without this bunch of people.

And the rationale behind RECESS week is...?

re·cess
1. temporary withdrawal or cessation from the usual work or activity.
—Synonyms 1. respite, rest, break, vacation.

taken from dictionary.com.

Now. Unless it is implied that we don't do any work during the semester (which contrary to popular belief that university life is about booze and partying, sorry to burst your bubble - and if you've been living that kind of hedonistic lifestyle you should be shot for propagating said myth and leaving the rest of us to wallow in utter work misery due to said misconception), we should not be buried up to our heads in work during recess week! Which means that papers should not be due IMMEDIATELY after the break, and CAs should not be in the week IMMEDIATELY following recess week.

As I understand it, recess week is time to take a breather so that we'd be refreshed to take on the remaining 7 weeks worth of lectures, tutorials, labs and exams. However, the way I see it, most of us are going to be buried in notes doing frantic revision for the multitude of assignments and CAs coming our way immediately after the break, so by the end of the 1st week after the break we'd all be more exhausted than before. And then the cycle starts all over again.

Its Sunday, and I have been doing consistent work even though the break only just started, but the thought of the tests and looming deadlines next week just kept resurfacing during today's trip out with limpy, and its really terrible because yes, it makes for a stonier time. On one hand I want to truly be there interacting with people but on the other hand I really ought to be mugging. And while out I feel guilty, first for not mugging, then for caring about my revision schedule more than my friends - its so hard to meet up with people during term time, and here I am grudging myself and others during a break. ARGHH.

And its not going to be a campus free week - there's a meeting tomorrow, practice on tuesday and saturday, and I'd need to use the books in the RBR section of the library. Plus I'd really like to get my study plan endorsed quickly, so if the prof is in her office this week I'd be making a trip down too.

(I know I should be doing work now if I'm grumbling about a lack of time, but just let me get these thoughts off my chest.)


(bimbotic component coming right up)

I bought a lovely beige nail polish 2 days ago from Face Shop. 1. It peeled off my fingernail while in the shower - I thought my nail chipped off, 2. It became a disgusting shade of PINK the next day. I have a bottle of pink nail polish because I have to admit that pink is a good colour on nails (something about healthy body parts methinks) but NOT THIS SHADE AARGH. What a waste of my time.

I love biology. Really.

Gonorrhea.

SO CUTE. It looks oh-so-innocent. Who me? The Clap? Risky sexual behaviour? Me? -blinks-

Awwwwwww.

I love thinkgeek.com

aHHHHhHhH

Mid sem break is here~~~!!!

Okay euphoria over.

On one hand the break suggest that I can take a breather and meet up with people and actually get some rest, but unfortunately nothing can be further from the truth.



Painting my toenails used to be something I did when I was feeling particularly vain, and then it morphed into something which cheered me up - like somehow I'd feel prettier and more confident with painted nails (yea what rubbish I know), and now it has become a habit, simply because I'm used to colourful nails staring up at me. While it suggests that I actually do take pride in my appearance, it's also a major time waster.

As though I don't waste enough time on Facebook and Blogger and msn.

I have french lessons in 9 hrs time. Boy do I hate french numbers.

Today I ran into a good proportion of wed cg at the arts bazaar.

My lines are disjointed.

Facebook Poking.

My juniors love me, don't they? That's 3/4 of that batch. (I don't have sabrina's facebook contact.) Evidently 小组 under me was a torture huh. HAHA.

Matthew 6:25-34

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Patience is a virtue.

I'm typing this in 2201 lab! Haha... This must be the slackest lab ever - my main intention in switching my laptop on was actually to check the venue of the sep talk later but since we do have loads of time to kill while waiting for electrophoresis to be completed... Heh. Today seems like 100% TA demostration, which isn't very fun and exciting because I like fiddling around with stuff actually, and we still have a lab report due zzz.

Please let this lab session end early =P Then I can go have my late lunch.

Am also waiting for tuition agent to call me back. I need a job!!!! Ich möchte mehr geld. Hopefully I get that job, and hopefully that kid's in my primary school! Then I'd have a little feed of information heh.

Another Wednesday

I'm exhausted actually, think I'd just last till 12 to read a bit and then collapse into snoozeland.

My first presentation in nus went okay I guess, given the amount of preparation I put into writing my speech (hint: 0). Think I did okay when fielding answers though, so if its graded it should even out. I hope.

Actually I could have done more preparation in terms of speech writing, but I got a bit lazy and also I wanted to see where my public speaking skills stand now. I'm elated to note that I can defend my arguments when they are questioned, but I realise I really suck at explaining them in the first place. I need to slow down and think before I speak. And my vocabulary leaves much to be desired, honestly. When I was grappling with the correct word to use, half of me was like "oh great ger I can't believe you have vocab and phrasing issues with what you consider as your first language."

I consider English my first language, Mandarin my mother tongue. To most people the first language is one's mother tongue, but I'm more fluent in English and so use it more often, and I'm chinese, so I ought to know Mandarin. German is my language of interest, and French is the language I'm learning in hopes of achieving certain ends.

Since we're on languages let's move on to dialects! Hokkien is the home dialect. wa eh hiao gong hok kien oei. wa sio, hok kien wei jin jia chor lor, bo ho tia. wa bo su ka, dan si jin zui lang kong hok kien wei, eh hiao tia si ho. mummy kong, wa kong hok kien wei wu hai lam yng. jin eh meh? (I can speak hokkien, but i think hokkien is very crude and grates on the ears. I don't like it, but a lot of people speak it, so understanding it is good. mummy says I have a hainanese accent when speaking hokkien. really?)

Hainanese is the dialect I wished I picked up from my grandma, but its too late now. nong tai hy lam weh, bo bat kong, ti ti kia nia... (I understand hainanese but I can't speak it, well, a LITTLE bit only.) And I don't understand, but can distinguish cantonese, and if I don't understand the hokkien after a while, its probably teochew. If I flat out cannot place it, its hakka. So I essentially can recognise most dialects of our forefathers in singapore haha....

I digress too much. Heh.

Time off!~ Tata.

That Sinking Feeling...

When you look at a list of tutorial questions, realise you can't answer 99% of them and you have midterms in 2 weeks time.

Oops.

Work updates.

Its week 6. Next week's mid sem break. Tis a little too fast. I need to start mugging for the horde of CAs and get cracking on the SS paper.

And I'm almost done for study plans. Just don't let me find out that certain universities are not on the list of exchange. Haha.

------------------
Weather is too hot.

----

What City Should You Live In?
	You should live in Paris. The city of lights will appeal to your appreciation of beauty and romance. You are a lover and a poet by nature, and Paris' sensitive charms will be a perfect match for yours.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Cells are Fun.

To me, God left his fingerprints all over cell biology. I cannot believe that a bunch of molecules just got together randomly for the fun of it one fine day and voilà! Life began, without the direction of a Creator. Too many complexities.

Awe-inspiring, biology is. (The number of proteins here there and everywhere strikes dread in my heart, though.)

---------

Fly me to the moon
Let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On a-Jupiter and Mars
In other words, hold my hand
In other words, baby, kiss me

Fill my heart with song
And let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you

=(

Feeling a little blue. My self confidence decided to take a little break and my resilience and trust and hopes for certain things with it too.


Oh well. -brandishes Molecular Cell Biology, 5th Edition- BEGONE, you pesky blues.

-------

and NO, I did NOT go for hc maf. Various reasons. Don't ask me why and if I know what I missed out and blahblahblah - I do not in the least care. And I only owe explanations to people to whom I said I might go. There's always next year. If you went, I hope it was great.

------

Okay I just saw the class blog. Its hilarious. And mind boggling. And I need more words. HAHA.

------

Recently I've taken a liking to sleeveless blouses (hs should rejoice at this point) because somehow, the heat is getting a little too unbearable for me. Hmm.

Kiasu-ism.

If the website for U of T is any indication, I'm glad I'm being kiasu in doing the initial study planning for sep applications this early. And Toronto isn't even my first choice ARGHHHHHH. mcgill's website is a dream, seriously.

and WHYYYYY are all the interesting modules in Fall?!

--------
Just saw a few requirements for the modules I'm hoping to take if I'm allowed to go for sep (For those who don't know, besides science sep approval, there's also partner university approval to await...) and realised that they ask for a B+ average (which I'm 0.09 away from, no thanks to german), SO I guess its time to hit the books. Ta.

Java Jive

Cute song!


Java Jive
Manhattan Transfer, Ink Spots

I love coffee, I love tea,
I love the Java Jive and it loves me
Coffee and tea and the java and me,
A cup, a cup, a cup, a cup, a cup!

I love java sweet and hot,
Whoops, Mister Moto, I'm a coffee pot
Shoot me the pot, and I'll pour me a shot,
A cup, a cup, a cup, a cup, a cup!

Oh slip me a slug from the wonderful mug
and I'll cut a rug 'til I'm snug in a jug
A slice of onion and a raw one,
Draw one!
Waiter, waiter, percolator!

I love coffee, I love tea,
I love the Java Jive and it loves me
Coffee and tea and the java and me,
A cup, a cup, a cup, a cup, a cup!

Boston beans (soy beans)
I said the little itty-bitty green bean
(cabbage n' greens)
You know that I'm not keen about a bean,
unless it is a chili chili bean! (Talk it, boy!)

I love java sweet and hot,
Whoops, Mister Moto, I'm a coffee pot (yeah)
You shoot me the pot, and I'll pour me a shot,
A cup, a cup, a cup, 'an dat zat bootle!

Blow me a slug from that wonderful mug
And I'll cut a rug that's snug in a jug
Drop a nickel in my pot - Joe
Takin' it slow
Waiter, waiter percolator

I love coffee, I love tea,
I love the Java Jive an' it loves me
Coffee and tea and the java and me
A cup, a cup, a cup, a cup - BOY!


mmm... couleur fm jazz station in montreal. its in french though, but the music is pure jazz.

LET ME HOMEEEEE.

I'm getting really sick of n*us. Physically sick of it. Yes, fed up and want to be home by 5p.m. on a weekday for once. My timetable dictates that my days end at 6p.m. everyday apart from Wednesdays on odd weeks (but I have cg - which I am not complaining about) and I have 3 days that begin at 8a.m. (But I skip 2/3 of them most of the time anyway - webcast!). And yes, my Saturdays ends at 6 or later too because of co. I don't want to complain about co because I actually feel more comfortable there now, but because I'm sick of going home late everyday...

I desperately await the end of this semester. The mid sem break's no use, it'd be spent mugging anyway. And then the 6pm days will continue. Timetable next semester should be better, I hope.

Also hoping and wishing and praying that my application to go for exchange will be approved. pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee...

wednesday

I'm blogging here instead of showering and doing my lab report because I'm waiting for the washing machine to complete its water guzzling. One of the inconveniences that come with living in a HDB flat is that only one tap can be used at any one time. More than one, and the water trickles out weakly. But of course, I shouldn't be complaining, I'm already luckier than the many people in the world who do not have such readily accessible and safe water =X

Really thankful for my cg. They never fail to make my wednesdays so much better. Today's one was a bit unexpectedly heavy going though. Hospitality. haha...

Discussion for sg govt and politics today. Presentation next week. Oh help. My tendencies to speak before thinking through my ENTIRE argument are still very much alive. Especially when the discussion moves too quickly. ger be QUIET unless you have a full and valid argument. SHH. SHHHHHHHHH. And talk SLOWLY. S-L-O-W is good.

Please let the tutors who are supposed to turn up for sectionals come tomorrow. For once, let it be error free... please.

I need to stop dreaming about exchange and think more about bioinformatics, biochem and cell biology. If the space is mine, it will be mine. Thinking of exchange now isn't going to make it mine. Doing my job as a student will make the As mine.

--------------------
Nice song today! =)

A common love for each other,
A common gift to the Savior.
A common bond holding us to the Lord.
A common strength when we're weary.
A common hope for tomorrow,
A common joy in the truth of God's Word.

Merger and Separation

We know our grandparents voted for merger with Malaysia in 1962. Did anyone know that ALL 3 options in the referendum were FOR merger?


Alternative A:
* Merger with reserve powers, notably autonomy over labour and education
* Automatic conversion of Singapore citizenship to Malaysian citizenship
* 15 seats in Central Parliament
* Retention of multi-lingualism


Alternative B:
* Merger as a State within the Federation
* Application of present Federation labour and education policies
* Only persons born in Singapore and some citizens by descent will automatically become Federation of Malaysia citizens
* Parliamentary representation in proportion to number of citizens eligible under stricter Federation citizenship laws
* Only English and Malay to be used in State Legislature


Alternative C:
* Merger on terms no less favourable than the Borneo territories.


I don't know, but it doesn't seem like a choice after all, does it? And all along I thought people then really said a resounding YES merger instead of NO, we rather flounder around with self governance granted from the British. Hmm.

BTW alternative A was the choice that got 71% of the votes.

-----

Okay, apparently,

The referendum did not offer a yes/no vote because when the Legislative Assembly debated the White Paper on the merger in 1961, no party objected to merger in principle.

The White Paper proposals, for merger as a state within the Federation with special conditions and a large measure of local autonomy for Singapore, became Alternative A. The Barisan Sosialis argued instead for full and complete merger as a 12th state of the Federation. This was Alternative B.

Subsequently, the Singapore People's Alliance suggested entering Malaysia on terms no less favourable than the Borneo territories. This became Alternative C. As Mr Baratham pointed out, Alternative A "was the most favourable to Singapore citizens".

Both from http://ourstory.asia1.com.sg

A speech, some food, and some music.

This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

I'm most definately foolish but perhaps I'm not hungry enough. Hmm. And my dots will connect one day.

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I've been missing the st. viateur bagels ever since I came back, and I know there's no chance of getting anything of that quality back here in sg. All the same, I really wanted a little taste of warm, fresh bagel with a generous helping of cream cheese. So now when I'm about to buy food at a cafe I'd stop and look at the bread offerings and if bagels are available, I'd get it. The one at alliance francais (olio) tastes pretty bland, but spinelli in (surprise!) science canteen sells sesame ones at $1.20 with cream cheese at additional 40 cents. Its a rip off in comparison, but at least it does remind me of summer =) I forsee myself burning loads of cash at break times in the near future.

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Listening to french radio is a good way to get used to the language subconsciously. But first, I need to figure out what to click on the francais webpage.

Work Woes.

I see the importance of bioinformatics, but it IS killing me. My mind cannot wrap itself easily around computing, like the intricacies of trawling the web/databases for information. Granted, lab sessions are easy enough - I just have to follow the instructions printed on the practical schedule, but sometimes things aren't as straightforward as they seem, and sometimes its downright frustrating and tedious (e.g. I tried the clustw one and gave up midway)

This is week 5. Next week is week 6. The week after week 6 is mid sem break. Tis a little fast, if you ask me. Not too long ago I was still lazing around at Schlossgarten and other assorted places of inviting fields, cool air and warm sunshine, wandering up and down rue St. Catherine on my own, generally enjoying the train rides in and out of montreal... and now, in a blink of an eye, I'm sitting here in the central library on a monday evening wondering where all the time went. Well, it seems like an eternity has passed, yet not so, perhaps because so much has happened in the 4 weeks between my return to sg and the start of the new term. Considering that much of it wasn't very good - in fact I daresay that parts of it still haunt me on a pretty regular basis - those are the days my self esteem's lower than a snail's underside. I don't want to think too much about the lovely, lovely summer or I'd just pine for the gone days and not get work done (when I say summer, I mean the 2 months I was away), neither do I want to dwell on the pause between summer and start of semester because I'd probably end up crying and not get any work done either so I guess the best is to FOCUS on the here and now.

I need more focus and motivation. The only consolation I can derive out of academia is that even though I'm not studying medicine, at least I'm interested in nearly all of the modules that are coded LSM. It's a good thing I was pretty stubborn last year I guess, because if I had uh, seriously considered alternatives, I might be doing law or pharmacy or some branch of allied health and while they obviously offer more job security and stability in the long run, I don't think I would derive much satisfaction studying them. Plus one of the downsides is that being professional degrees, the education received would be tailored to fit the needs of singapore alone, so job mobility is pretty restricted. Science is universal - the knowledge I gain should not restrict me to working here alone I think, which suits me well. I guess even if I end up teaching here, I'd want to take a year or two off to pursue higher education overseas - it has been my dream to study/live abroad for as long as I can remember, and I am determined to achieve this in my lifetime =)

Of targets...

I did 70% of what I set out to do this weekend.

Unfortunately, the 30% undone includes watching 2 webcasts.

Still, now I have a secret =) So excited. Haha. -giggly-

2500

When I bidded for this module, what I was hoping to achieve (besides finishing up with the general education requirements) was an overview of chemistry. Yes I did chemistry at A levels and yes as a life science student I am still very much dealing with chemistry, but I thought that perhaps I'd learn about chemistry's impact in other areas besides biology in a more relaxed manner.

What I didn't ask for, are lecture notes and a lecturer who keeps shoving the "CHEMISTRY is the most important science there is", "biomedical science is essentially CHEMISTRY", "CHEMISTS will solve -insert current issue-", "-insert nobel prize winner- was a CHEMISTRY student", "We need CHEMISTS to come up with inventive ideas!" in our faces. YES, I know that the world is made of chemicals. YES I know that chemistry is important. BUT NO, I WILL NOT WORSHIP CHEMISTRY. NOR WILL I, AS A RESULT OF YOUR CONSTANT REMINDERS, BE INSPIRED TO SWITCH TO CHEMISTRY. NEITHER DO I CARE HOW BIG THE CHEMISTRY COHORTS ARE CURRENTLY AND HOW BIG YOU THINK ITS GOING TO GROW. I'm just waiting for him to state that chemistry is the way, the truth and the light. No, seriously, I'm sure its possible to convey enthusiasm for a subject without constantly shoving your intellectual superiority and brilliant life choice in choosing chemistry in the faces of students.

Am studying for a test, and I just got a massive overdose of chemistry self patting on the back. Sorry to all my chemistry major friends - I have nothing against chemistry (as I am a student of science myself), you just have a very irritating lecturer.

Französisch Lernen.

French pronunciation is driving me a little crazy. It goes on in a wave, kinda ball like, and I'm very used to the German staccato. Plus apparently null ein zwei drei vier fünf sechs sieben acht neun zehn is pretty deeply ingrained in me, because I'm having serious difficulties with zero un deux trois quart cinq six sept huit neuf dix. Ahh well. Both languages are beautiful (though I know many beg to differ about Deutsch). I'm going a little mad on languages - though I mostly suck at them.

a song.

早晨起来喜欢喜
快乐的一天又来到
上帝爱我爱你。

This is a song that I remember singing every morning in kindergarten. Its one of the few that has stuck till this day (14 years ago *gasp*). At least, I think that was what I was singing. Doesn't matter, the gist is we should be joyful everyday! (kinda hard today because of spillover effects and a looming test but still...!!!) I haven't exactly been much fun to be with in the last 2 weeks because of certain issues. Its difficult not to be distracted and sad over some things and to keep myself motivated and focused and remember that all my troubles ARE within my abilities to cope because God will not test me beyond my means and His plan for me is the best one possible even if to me it doesn't seem so NOW so I really should be doing my best at everything I have undertaken. (long sentence and grammatically correct I'm sure) And it might get harder but I MUST THINK BEFORE I SPEAK. Yes. Emotionally spoken words are seldom appreciated and mostly regretted.

But nope I probably won't be able to look less intimidating when walking around campus, sorry. (meant for joel haha if you ever see this) Perhaps its the way my face is arranged haha.

Ladida.

No mood for mugging.

Taa daa.

Here's week 4. 2 tests. I'm tired. Must go on.

Gee my blog sounds so exciting these days.

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I had my first french lesson yesterday at alliance francais. I must say French is a lot harder than German in terms of pronunciation - the words don't give really huge clues for beginners. =( Brighter side is, the expensive textbook and workbook's supposed to last a year's worth of classes. Thing is, a year's worth of classes isn't very cheap either hmm. But that said, I really do hope to speak/write French properly...