im back. . . .

Gee its 2012. . .and guess what its February.

It still feels like its 2010 and im about to leave sg for further studies. But no. .im back and its been 6 months now. I do get this wishful thinking that im still there, studying, having all the time in the world, i get up in the morning thinking oh crap ive still got to study for an exam when its all done. Well, i miss that i really miss living back there with good company putting asides certain never to be and can be resolve issues back here.

Thats that. . and . . .Alhamdullilah i got a job as soon as i got back from australia. .and im thankful. So. . .according to my parents the next best and right thing is to get a life partner. Well. . .its isnt as easy as it sounds huh?

Okay so. . . i got back getting to know this guy (Guy A) my aunt introduced to me. Well from the outside. . .. . . .

Average looking guy
An undergraduate student
A spend all u like till i go broke guy
Drinkers, Smokes, Clubs
Slept around before
Mummy's boy

So. . . .im guessing its a no no after looking at the above. So let me see ive known a couple of guys and they have either club drank smoke or slept around before. SO tell me people. . .where are the pure nicely smart responsible guys?

i don't know either. . .u tell me. . .

it was something i look forward to

I look forward to meeting them, to the wedding, to the laughter.

It takes my mind off home and someone called father. It got better as I when over to a stranger's house and i feel that, my family fails to know what happiness, joy and laughter is all about. With khad's family, it was different. . .it felt like home. .though i bearly know any of them.

I wish i had one like that. .and i look forward to this every morning as i get out from bed.
I wish. . .
*sigh

Instead, i'd get out from bed hearing a men with his loud voice blabbering at the back of my ears about unnecessary stuff. All i can afford to do now is to keep numb. I hope I can stay this way for a longer period of time. .im trying.

morning people. good day.

hatred

you strive to hard to achieve perfection.
you fail to remember that this imperfection determines what life is all about.
i can never be perfect, im not a perfectionist, i know my weakness.
i know i can never be the daughter you want me to be.
but be thankful i am who i am rather than having someone else who is worst of.

maybe there is a reason why im overseas, and maybe i should decide to settle down there for good. for your sake and mine.

there would be absolutely no reason for me to keep trying to be patient with you and just nod and agree to what you've got to say.
these 21 years. . . .has been a tiring journey. I pray to god to give me the strength and patience, trying hard not to retaliate and what not. But, there is a limit to everything. I guess the best way is to keep a distance.

don't blame me for this distance, blame it to urself. since young, all ive face up with was your tantrum, your vulgar words, your violence, your forceful ways of getting me to get something done.

Ive tried hard enough to please you. .pardon me, but for this 21 years, ive never felt the fatherly love that other daughters experience. you can't try to patch things up with your daughter my mere hugging and kissing when she's back at the airport. It's too late now. I've learnt how to live without you as hatred for you grew over time.

what you see is not what you get. .in every smiles, lies an unshed tear and an untold story.

*sigh.
PS: gemok. . . .i wish you were here. looking forward to see you again in feb. xoxo.

god damn it

'im not trying to lecture you. But i am lecturing you.'

apa kau ckp? amende nyerr.

thinking about the future makes me go dizzy.

how time flies. .

4 months. .
it flew pass me just like that. It feels like ive just arrive in Australia when im back in this humid country called singapore.

many things happen throughout this 4 months.
we've got loads of drama happening.

oh well. . .let me see

1. im back to my singlehood
2. fell in love with someone i wasn't suppose to fall for
3. blackout at the very last minute before my next paper
4. having a friend who uses others for her own benefit
5. 3 whole week of block lab and tons of lab report and assignments
6. i barely had time for myself what more for this poor ugly fugly blog of mine

so theres actually for to it. .but this is what i can recall for now.

*imy teddy bear.

people surrounding me.

its friday. .

the first half of would really be say ' yay! finally its friday.''

but the other half would say 'oh no. . . .time flies.'

herm. . . ..its week 5 here.

soon. . . .exams will be here. .

It is toally freaking me out. .it scares the shit out of me.

anyhoos. . .im currently in a lecture. . .

its some how going in my right ear and leaving my left ear.

all i catch wash debate is about arguing. . its not what we want.

we want a two way dialogue. and herm. . . how do we communicate science.

grrr! seriously. . . .it is in my personal opinion that this module is not going anywhere.

Ive got no idea what on earth the lecturer is blabbering about. okay.

herm people are asking me if ive made new friends. well. herm. . . .there are. .but. .

i must say that ive to be selective. ive got this someone who annoys me for the first couple of weeks. but now. . . i must say that the sight of me makes me go 'ewwww'. . for some reason or the other. maybe because of the way he project himself to be someone but, its not him. He is somehow preaching but not practicing what he preach. i hate it. don't try to be a saint and start showing that i or the others are not.

other than that, ive got friends who are weird. a guy who is an introvert. I must say that he prefers to keep to himself for some reason of the other. we barely speak. but when we do, we really do. herm. . . . . .i must say that there is indeed something behind his silence. well i shall not further into his personal stuff. but. . .trust me, you'd feel the 'seram sejuk' feeling with him around at times. well, at least i did for the first few weeks here.

then, ive got another guy friend who always smile. i guesss that is his trademark. but i like it though. he is some short, small, simple and smart guy next door. ehrmm. . and he is single. so any takers?

then, we've got the quiet and low profile guy. and lastly the this guy who is cool, fun, funny and just the person ud want to talk to when ure feeling down. he is someone who'll lend his ears and he'd be there to help you when ure in need of one. so, for now. . im pretty close to the rp people and the person. the locals here are not as friendly as they seem to be though. they'd prefer to keep to their close circle of friends...and im cool with it.

aite. . .ive gotta go. . .

and fyi im not fasting!! but got out of bed like 10 minutes before class starts and showered for 5 mins and change for 5 mins and out i go. and IM HUNGRY!!!!!

ok bye

till then.

finally!

i felt like i was drowning!!!

now, its done.

finally!

i didn't know that literature review was such a hassle.

more assignments flooding in.

*grumbles.