Booh Bah

Terrifies my 5 year-old. I find it very bizarre, I can understand not liking it, but to run screaming from the room for fear that you will see non-verbal, pear-shaped, pastel-colored, "things" strikes me as bizarre. More so when you consider that she loves the Teletubbies.

My 3 year-old sometimes says she doesn't like Booh Bah and sometimes says she does. She has no problem watching it though.

The problem is that I tape Mr. Rogers on PBS and Booh Bah is the show that follows it. I used to set the VCR to tape a few minutes before and after Mr. Rogers just to make sure we got the entire episode and to account for the VCR clock being off a minute or two either way. Thus, we often ended up taping the opening scenes of Booh Bah, which precipitated the aforementioned behavior. Okay, so I finally got it and decided to set the VCR clock accurately and tape only Mr. Rogers, stopping during the commericials between the shows. But she still is terrified when Mr. Rogers ends, no matter how many times I have explained that I have solved the problem. Sigh.

I was thinking I should dress the 3 year-old up as a Booh Bah for Halloween. I know of at least one child who would be scared by the costume.

Hehehehe....

Impressed Men...

...drive me nuts. It seems that every time we drive around our county, with me directing the way, my DH looks at me approvingly and says "you really know your way around." I have lived in this county for three decades, I should know my way around. I never say to him when we visit his county that he knows his way around -- it seems quite natural to me that he would.

My dad does this to me all the time -- gets impressed by basic, logical conclusions I draw. He also repeats his advice -- for years he told me to watch out for potholes in the winter and to avoid them. Duh, when I see a pothole I want to hit it dead on at high speed, right? Oh, no, avoid, avoid. I ALWAYS forget that one.

My husband and my dad both know me well -- I don't get why they are surprised by anything I say or do. On one hand, its sort of flattering, but on the other hand its incredibly insulting. Oh well, I've always figured its better to be underestimated -- they never see it coming.

Okay, I admit this is a lame post, but at least no one is going to annoy me by being impressed with it.

Potty Blogging -- the un edition

Good news, Gabrielle, almost 3, is completely trained. The bad news is, she knows everything she does in her pull-up and refuses to use the potty. Sigh. Oh well -- she is at the point where I can ask her to do her more significant elimination processes at home. I don't know if she's complying with my request, or if she only feels comfortable at home or at my parents'. Regardless, changing her in public is really easy -- she just steps out of her wet pull-up and into a dry one. Does this make me happy? Not really, but it is what it is.

Even though I'm not a fan of rewards (but am a fan of Alfie Kohn), I did try to persuade her to use the potty with an offer of chocolate. That worked for Suzanne but its not working with Gabrielle. It was amusing -- I told her she could get 3 squares of chocolate (from a Hershey bar -- that would be 1/4 of a serving size to Henry) for using the potty. Not only did she refuse, later, when I asked if she wanted to use to potty without mentioning any rewards, she shouted "no chocolate!"

We shall see -- Suzanne was completely potty-trained at 3 and 2 months, maybe her sister will be the same. Maybe not.

The Mommy Foul

I think I may have been a perpetrator. The Mommy Foul is what happens when a moms tries to direct the actions of another mom's child, especially when said child's mother is there. I've been a victim, too, so I'll start with an example.

I was on a field trip to the cathedral with my kids. As we were walking through the doors into the cathedral, I was opening my mouth to remind Suzanne that we were going into a church and we must behave properly -- be quiet and no running, the idea being that we are reverent to God. Before I could say a word, the organizer of the field trip said this to Suzanne -- it was not a general announcement to the other kids (of which there were none other than her kids, who never run, anywhere, ever). Now, she's not even a church-goer, so I was doubly annoyed. However, she organizes lovely field trips and just happens to have a more controlling personality than I do (hard to believe). I let it slide, probably because, being a church-goer, I am prone to exercise forgiveness (pipe down, I can hear your laughter). And I'm used to this from her -- she is a frequent Mommy Fouler.

Okay, so that was a foul on me.

Here's my foul, though I maintain it was justified. We're at the pool today and my girls were playing beautifully with another little girl, filling a pail with water. The other girl's mom smiled at me. A little boy comes wandering over and picks up another pail, fills it with water, and starts pouring in on the girls' heads. The other girl's mom and I again exchanged looks, unhappy at the interloper. The boy's mother told him to stop and he seemed to ignore her (he had earplugs in his ears to keep out the water) and she sighed heavily. The boy stopped for a bit and went elsewhere. Peace was restored.

The boy came back, this time he flung a toy that nearly hit Gabrielle in the head and then he poured more water over Gabrielle's head. The mother of the other girl seemed shocked. I was not about to sit around sighing heavily because the boy did not listen to his mother. I got up and said to the boy (loudly because of his earplugs), 'please don't pour water on her, she doesn't like it.' That got the mom's attention; she must not have seen the toy flung, because that was worse than the water pouring, in my opinion.

The mom came over and admonished her son for pouring water. Then she made some sort of defense to me that he had earplugs and some other excuse about his behavior. I said only "it was the third time he poured water on her" and otherwise ignored her. I think she was annoyed with me but she eventually got over it. If you're going to be ineffectual, prepare to be fouled.

That said, I don't think we can control our kids, especially very young children -- we can teach them not to harm others or property, we can expect some courtesies, but a lot of things are just beyond their understanding and ability. I have two daughters, I think moms of boys tend to be more laid back because this principle is made obvious to them so early in their sons' lives.

Dads don't seem to be as constrained as Moms -- I've seen some pretty harsh Daddy fouls. My favorite was when one kid was pushing by a younger child on a pool ladder. The younger child's dad was right there and plucked the older kid off the ladder saying that his child was climbing it. It was an egregious Daddy foul but it matched the kid's egregious behavior (he was old enough to know better). I envied and admired that Dad's guts. Moms tend to be so nice and chirpy when they ask a child not to attack their child. I'm not that nice -- not anymore. If the mom isn't handling it, I'm the hammer.

I'm Back

Howdy -- I was off teaching Vacation Bible School last week, which is why I didn't post -- I was too darned tired. Anne knew that but I just thought I'd share the reason with our dear readers. I've come to the conclusion that involvement in such kiddie activities is not for me.

VBS is well run; the administrators are models of efficiency; and its a great opportunity to meet other moms and dads. But the whole schoolish environment is not my bag and I'm not good at it. Suzanne adjusted to it at the end pretty well, but I just don't see it as necessary and the opportunity cost is not worth it to me.

Though there was one year I really enjoyed VBS [yes, another Ode to Anne is coming], it was when I helped Anne in the kindergarten classroom three years ago. It felt a lot like re-living sorority rush -- not that that was something I'd need to re-live, but the decorations and uniform t-shirts and happy, bright, cheery songs reminded me of rush. "Come little rushie, listen to me, Christ-i-anity is the religion for me." Anyway, working with a good friend is the way to do these types of things. Unfortunately, none of my good friends will teach with me....I wonder why?

No matter, I'm learning to take experiences for what they are and look at what they teach me rather than try to judge them as good or bad. Perhaps my Eastern philosophical bent these days points out that plugging Christianity to kids is not my talent. Of course, I don't think this line of thinking is purely Eastern, Jesus has a lot to say about not judging things as well, but sometimes I 'hear' better when I read it elsewhere.

Oh yeah, Suzanne was asking me about death the other day. I think I bumbled it a bit. I've put a request in at our library for the book The Next Place. I have no idea if this book will be helpful, but its very gentle. Any suggestions are welcome.

Friends

I just wanted to link to a post on Donna's blog that I really enjoyed about friends. She mentions how it seems like its harder to make friends as we get older. I agree -- it seemed so easy long ago. Then again, maybe it really wasn't any easier.

Anyway, I often think in terms of 'time and place' friends and real friends. T&P friends are those people we share time and place with but the friendship fades soon after the time and/or place changes. I had some really nice friends from my various places of work -- I really enjoyed them, but didn't keep up with any of them. I had some new mom friends that seem to have faded away. Life goes on, I'm glad I shared time and place with them but things change and I made new friends, some T&P, but some maybe be in for the long haul.

It makes me really appreciate my husband, who is my best friend and (barring some indescretion which would ruin his life and cost him a lot of money) with whom I'll spend the rest of my life. But, he's not a girl and I need girlfriends, too. I really cherish the friends I have -- how lucky I am. Life is a lot less lonely when you've got friends.

I guess this post is just a note of affection to Anne, with whom I shared time and place -- but whose friendship is continuing beyond that. I'm lucky to have you.

Chastised! Episode II: Revenge of the Pith

I've been thinking about my last post in which I was chastised by a stranger for using sarcasm with my child. While there was probably nothing worthwhile I could have said to my critic, I am now in the process of considering pithy responses. Today's incident was not a Costanza moment for me ("oh yeah? Well I slept with your wife!"). I would never want to actually say any of these but its sure empowering for me to think about it.

Responses to "children don't understand sarcasm":

"Shouldn't we do something about that?"

"Oh, was I being sarcastic with my kids?"

"They would if you used sarcasm as much as I do"

"How else am I supposed to entertain myself?"

"Thats nothing, you should hear me at home."

"Hey, I'm not coddling my kids. Its a tough world out there."

"You're assuming I want them to understand what I'm saying."

"Oh, and I guess I shouldn't tell her when she's being a bitch either."

"Oh dear, and I really thought I was a shoo-in for Mother of the Year"

"Its alright, I'm a homeschooler."

Responses to any unsolicited parenting advice:

"That which doesn't kill them, makes them stronger."

"Don't worry, the State has already assigned a social-worker to monitor our family."

Have a pithy comeback ? Share it here!

UPDATE: I'm having too much fun with this, I keep thinking of additional responses

"I'll take it under advisement." -- legalese for 'screw you'

"Thanks for the advice, you will now be mocked on the internet."

"I was raised with sarcasm and I turned out fine."

Chastised!

We went on a field trip today to the National Cathedral in Washington, D.C. I love the cathedral and have visited many times -- my brother was even ordained there. The field trip was through a homeschooling field trip group to which we belong -- all homeschooled kids from babies to about 6.

When I go into public with my kids, I feel like Greg Focker in the water volleyball scene from the movie Meet the Parents. They are playing volleyball and he keeps missing or flubbing shots and everyone gives him a hard time about it -- he finally gets mad and spikes a shot -- it hits the bride-to-me right in the face. "Its only a game, Focker" is derisively yelled at him. He can't win. When I'm out with my kids, I can't win -- I'm either too uptight and people give me the vibe that I need to relax or I'm too relaxed and I encounter uptight people who want me to rein in the kids. I don't really enjoy going out in public when its just me and the kids because of this -- plus, its exhausting, but I joined the group because my girls like it and maybe I can learn how to behave. When my DH is home, we often go out but that's a different dynamic -- I have a helper and an ally.

At the end of our field trip, we went into the gift shop. I was worried about my kids and breakable things but my kids are not destructive so I wasn't too worried. There were some toys my kids were looking at, but I moved them along so I could look at some sale books.

An older woman sidles up to me as I'm thumbing through a picture book. She says something along the lines of "kids don't understand sarcasm. I know because I'm a grandmother. Its a big 'no-no.'" I don't know what I said to her, maybe something like "oh, okay." I was trying to think of what I had said that was sarcastic. I figured I was already being sanctioned for being a bad mom and that admitting that I had no idea what I had said would be further evidence of bad mothering. I was also thinking that my oldest is beginning to learn what sarcasm is because we've discussed it. Only about 40 minutes earlier, she had actually asked me "mom, are you being sarcastic?" Again, I thought this is probably evidence of bad mothering since it would show that whatever sarcasm I had just used was not an isolated incident. Thus, I went with "oh, okay."

I seriously picked my brain for the next hour trying to identify what sarcasm I used. I think it might have been when my younger DD was looking at some soft, stacking blocks and she showed them to me. I said something about them being nice and maybe I said "just what I need, more toys in the house" or something to that effect. I'd also argue that I wasn't actually saying it to the child, but I'm guessing that muttering sarcastic comments around the kids is another bad mother indicator.

I agree that belittling comments are not to be used with children and that can include a certain kind of pointed, mean sarcasm. My sarcasm tends to be light-hearted and along the lines of "oh, just what I need." I also talk to myself -- out loud -- a lot. I know I've used it at home when my DH is around and he lets me know when I'm out of line, so I think I'm okay, but I'm interested to know what you think.

Oh well, its probably karma from the non-pregnant woman incident.

What Do I Think?

What do you care? I can't help but feel this post is an exercise in narcissism because it seems like we have better things to discuss here. Since I raised the issue of feeling misunderstood about my educational philosophy, perhaps its time for me to explain where I'm coming from. I come from the position that prepositions are perfectly acceptable words to end a sentence with. (Seriously, there is a great controversy on that very matter but nevermind).

I plan to homeschool my kids. My oldest just turned 5 and I'll be filing my Notice of Intent to homeschool her for kindergarten in the fall -- we didn't send her to preschool. We don't plan to send my younger dd to preschool. We're taking it year by year and we'll do what works best for our children.

There are lots of reasons why we've made this decision but the first and foremost was that we wanted freedom. We don't want to be tied down to the school day, the school year, or a curriculum that might not suit our children's needs -- whether it is too fast, too slow, or simply not interesting to them. I know the counter-arguments and we've made our choice carefully. We plan to take an interest driven, literature based, multisensory, autodidactic approach. Basically, follow our kids interests by getting lots of books and videos on subjects that interest them and by doing activities that they suggest. This is also called unschooling. So far, so good.

I was raised in the public school system and did well and enjoyed it. I think its fine and it works. I also understand why parents choose private schools and I'm especially fond of the Montessori and Waldorf philosophies.

Anyone who is interested in learning more about homeschooling is welcome to page through the archives of my other blog, unclimber; leave a comment; or e-mail me. I'd like to note that my views on education are evolving. A year ago I was quite strident (this is obvious if you read old posts on unclimber). Thank goodness I did not end up destroying my friendship with Anne over it -- though I may have annoyed her and others with my views. Anyway, thanks for sticking around.