Disappointment

I felt very disappointed. The pain of lost hope.


I pray for good things to come, and for the strength to continue. And the faith to remember that my God loves me and watches over me.

That my love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight

9 And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, 10 so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ,11 filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

Tough

It's hard especially on Mondays.

Fridays typically end on a good note. I'd say it's the hope that the weekend grants some rest. But when Mondays arrive after a weekend that wasn't restful, the impact of a coming week almost feels too overwhelming.

H

6 days - tongue issue resolved

14 days - breastfeeding nipple pain subsiding 

16 days - nonstop feeding

17 days - stopped feeding on both sides

10 days - stitches don't feel so raw

11 days - 3.2kg

7 to 8 days - milk comes in 

19 days - 3.7kg

Feeling scared

I'm not sure if what I did was right. And wondered if I shld hv waited. 

Then again, I worried if waiting would make me too late. 

I can only trust now. 

15.5months

We just got pass a HFMD scare. Christie took her MMR booster on 16 May (15m mark) and the following Tuesday (about 5 days later), she came down with fever. Low grade. But I was called away from work anyway to pick her from the infant care. To our dismay, we also learn that there were 2 cases of HFMD.

At that point, we didn't know where the fever was coming from, whether it was her reaction to the jab or whether she got the HFMD. So no choice, I took Wed and Thur off to stay home with her. On Wed I had to rush to office to clear something so Popo stepped in. It was her first time being with Christie alone in a long time. Maybe the last time was when Christie was 1 month old when I delivered cakes to the office. 

Anyway, on Thursday evening, her fever didn't seem to be coming back, no sign of ulcers and her mood was good. So on Friday  she went back to the centre. 

Popo claims credit for the following: 

Me: "Christie 美不美？”

christie (in the softest, sweetest voice): "美”

Haha. New words. oh, and she can say "花”. I'm liking her talking voice because it's so quiet and gentle. 

15 months and a day

Christie loved it. She wasn't smiling in this picture but she was excited to be riding in the bike seat and would point at it and indicate that she wants to be in it. 

She's growing up so quickly, the feeling is bittersweet. But I need to look forward and see God in all these good things He has blessed us with. 

Mother's Day

Obviously, this is the husband's doing. Brought tears to my eyes. 

Learning to eat

I hv to write this down because I remember feeling like "wow this is a milestone of sorts". Today Christie started to feed herself using a fork. I've been pretty happy to let her eat w her (clean) hands. But today she insisted on holding a (adult) fork so I let her. Contrary to what it looks like, I don't feel tt Christie holding a fork means she's in any danger of poking her eye. I mean, she wasn't walking around but snugly strapped in her high chair. She had 2 boiled eggs (mostly the whites cos she doesn't seem to tk to e yolks so much) and strands of my speghetti. Then when dessert came, she had 2 bites of pancake. I'm glad she's taking to her food. 

And here we are, 5 days to 15 months. I sometimes worry she's growing up too fast for me. But obviously His timing is perfect. Thank you God. 

Maybe every doubt, pang of envy, pain, tear, fear, is an opportunity to make a counter-intuitive choice to trust God. So help me God. 

When we water plants, they grow. 

When u feed a person the gospel, he can't help but grow. The way to grow is to be at the receiving end of the gospel. 

Mummy please sing incy wincy spider?

Today Christie is exactly 14 months. Not that we celebrate her "birthday" on a monthly basis but now whenever it's a 16th of the month, I think about her and smile to myself about how blessed we are. I think about her regularly, more so when I'm not with her. I was flicking through the photos in my album and saw this 

"Christie, 要不要唱歌？”

<does this hand action (as in picture)> 

"Ok, mummy 唱 incy wincey spider"

Her favourite song, for at least the last few weeks. She can do some of the simple actions, which entertain me to no end. 

Happy 14 months. 

6 days to becoming 14 months

It seems like Christie can almost climb out of the stroller. She likes to sit sideways. I love her little quirks. Yesterday during grace before dinner, we thanked God for a constant, physical reminder of His faithfulness, love and providence in Christie. 

"拍拍手”

Playground time

When we first moved here after getting married, I was really thankful for the train station, shops and food nearby. Then when C was born, I was really glad to know there were 2 infant care centres and many more childcare and kindys within short walking distances. 

Now that C needs to play and climb things and watch other kids play, I'm so glad to have playgrounds nearby. Even I have developed a knack of sniffing them out and doing a "quick assess" of whether it's a "good" playground (usually means have steps or rides suitable for her unstable walking stage). This is the dad and daughter at the slides on Sunday morning. 

ECP on a lovely day

We often hear that e weather in Singapore is bad, either too hot or rainy. But, today was a good day! I was actually craving for some time outdoors, so we decided to head to East Coast Park. In husband's words, "can't go wrong". 

Testing the blogger app on my iPhone

This was us at a mini play area on Sunday. Christie was exactly 13 months. And I was a proud, happy mum. It was a rough day because Ty was working and I was alone with Christie. I think putting her in and lifting her out of the car seat and stroller makes a good workout! I felt my arms and back were stronger by e end of the day. 

When I was about to lift her out of the car seat, this happened: 

Me: Ready...

C: Up. 

First (clear) word. 

Valentine's Day

The husband bought me flowers. 2 flowers to be precise. I am happy :)

Psalm 59:16,17

I will sing of your strength,

in the morning I will sing of your love;

for you are my fortress,

my refuge in times of trouble.

You are my strength, I sing praise to you;

you, God, are my fortress,

my God on whom I can rely. 

dear God, please give me the strength to cope with work. please help me to be effective at what i do so that i may enjoy and find satisfaction in what i do. I entrust my situation to you and believe that You are my defender and Rock.

We may feel forgotten. Yet, like Joseph, we are not (42:9-13). Jesus sits at the right hand of God, and our prayers reach the throne of the King without fail because our Savior is our Mediator. When we feel alone, let’s remember to rest in the confidence of Jesus’ promise to be with us forever (Matt. 28:20)

last night was the second time in these few weeks where i woke at 3am and could not fall back to sleep. I worried about work. about the things at work which are out of my control. I cried in desperation and helplessness. And worried about being worried and how my negative feelings may affect the people around me. in times like these, my determination that i don't want to earn more $ if it's going to make me this unhappy is renewed. And it feels somewhat good this time because i know i'm capable. i'm just overworked.

so i'm writing this to remind myself not to be mad (i.e. volunteer to take on more) when things appear smoother. that easy times should be deeply appreciated and capitalised on to build relationships, refresh my mind and to count my blessings.

today i attended an exciting work meeting. and (one of) my thought from this is that a women should not be aggressive. I can't think of a situation where her aggression may seem attractive. femininity still wins.

we gain some, we lose some. in everything, we give thanks.
I'm thankful for my husband. i seriously think that one of the big ways God showed how much he loves me and knows me is to let me meet and marry this wonderful man.

Today the husband reminded me yet again that he loves me very much. Every time he says it, I feel this warmth and rather oddly, a strength. It seems to make the difficult things feel a bit easier, the unpleasant things feel that bit sweeter.

Even when my mistakes are not small, God is way bigger. Thank you God.

dear God, please give me the smarts to do my work. the favour of the people i work with so that life is more bearable. may they see my good work and praise your name in heaven. amen.

Because You died for me, no evil can touch me.

In your time, in your time
You make all things beautiful in your time
Lord please show me everyday
As you're teaching me your way
That you do just what you say
In your time.

And your plan for me is the perfect plan. Because you love me and know me and want the best for me.

online shops

A friend of mine compiled this for me. haha. 

http://www.lovebonito.com/

http://www.amberavenue.com/

http://www.lolliepopbestie.com.sg/

http://intoxiquette.livejournal.com/

http://www.theblushinc.com/

http://vaingloriousyou.livejournal.com/

http://dressabelle.livejournal.com/

http://www.thevelvetdolls.sg

http://www.tracyeinny.com.sg/

http://www.mdscollections.com/

http://mgplabel.com/

dear god,
i've been a bad person. i think not being able to trust in you completely makes me anxious. then i behave like a wounded animal because i think i'm owed a living and i need to defend myself.

will you please help me. help my heart to rest in you. help my heart to find its bearing on you. and help me to lean heavily on you because i have no strength of my own anyway.

most of all, help me to not think so highly of myself. and to assume that i can make things go my way because i worry over them. open my eyes to help me see that i'm already part of your wonderful plan.

you are my father and i am your child. and that if i know everything you know, i will have everything that i ask for.

so thank you god, that i already have everything i need and want.

mygodhasthebestplansformemygodhasthebestplansformemygodhasthebestplansforme

histimingisperfecthistimingisperfecthistimingisperfecthistimingisperfect

God, please cause the reality of you to be ever so obvious to me, outshining the glare of the circumstances around me.

it is in a time when i'm down and a little bit out, that God put in front of me a sweet little reminder that He's watching, loving and protecting me, His child.

My circumstances may not look so lovely right now, but they obviously do not reflect the reality of the goodness I have found in you. And that is real.

Post Created 4 Mar, 2012 10:13:09 PM

To worship and pray and think the gospel deep into my heart so that as much as I love other things, Jesus is my lover, my king and my savior. And I see what He has done for me and it pulls my heart up to Him.

I sing about it, listen to people preach about it. So that the reality of what He has done can break through on me and pull me towards Him, away from the things that my heart might prefer to love. And frees me from my idols.

There is one Saviour who can always help me when my heart is breaking, who is able to help me face anything.