So my confidence was up for a while
I got real comfortable with my own style
I knew that they were only jealous cos
People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
So are you So are you
There was a time when I felt like I cared
People made me feel like life was unfair
And I did things that made me ashamed
But there will always be the one who will say
Something bad to make them feel great
Everybody talks bad about somebody
And never realises how it affects somebody
And you bet it won't be forgotten
Envy is the only thing it could be

People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
Personality reflects name And if I'm ugly then
So are you So are you

im back once again to blog b4 i leave sch..ive so much time. i hope i wont have to make calls. its really getting lifeless and meaningless here. i need smth to spice up my life to make me look fwd to waking up each day. no more hk/guangzhou trip as planned coz i simply dont have any more leave. used up my flexi n i have 3 mcs left. things would get worse when the rest go on blog leave i think i can just kill myself. i dont like my supervisor coz she was kinda mean to me. but ive no choice but to live with it fer the next 7 wks. more mcs i hope. i think they dont like my doctor alrdy haa..

yet another week. its been a tiring fer me last wk. i had to wake up at 5am daily just to get to work but overall im happy w what i have. beefitted alot in many different ways. haha im touched by those who remb me even when i was away fer a wk. those are my friends. my beloved weisze came back on tues night wed morning? somehwere there. fatigue got better of me.
i savoured all my yummy brownies rich walnut marble cake and mango cake for lunch each day. i thot i would have gained wt..but i realised my jeans became looser i duno why. i miss everyone so much. vanisha, weisze most importantly. my precious one and only son. i must proclaim my love for him..haha..son son..mom missed having u ard. missed my group of friends. jun xiong and chun yan esp coz i hardly get to see them ard. only when im back in ch n see the pple ard i come to realise how much i missed them. i never noticed how impt my presence is to anyone. but i guess it still isnt but to all of u out there esp the ones closer to me. yr presence in my life is really impt. lemme repeat the names!!
anw ive been missing from sch fer a wk. my tchers started to call to ask. but ive got mc..and i became famous over night..
my SON, jun xiong, chun yan, vanisha and WEISZE!!!!! having all of u in my life is really good enough. i will learn not to ask for more. love u all to bits baby!!

i got really affected when a couple who's been tgt fer 5 yrs became best friends. i feel sad fer them but i realise tt's what will happen to everyone. i just gotta get used to it no point going all sappy over it.
it seems that u dont understand what i mean and how i feel. its such an obvious entry tt ive yet to let go n i cant let ANYONE else in. but u came to me saying tt it wasnt love. if it wasnt then what in the world was that? im tired. i really am. so are u. so whatever u ever wanna believe so be it. coz im tired of explaining my actions. but u should noe better than to misinterpret my words.

yet another day. im feeling much better. vanisha sent me a 10 msges in a row!! here's the content of it i had to read it three times to get the actual meaning of it. i thot she was refering to herself.

vanisha : sometimes i wish i had the optimistic feeling of love you still somehow possess. somehow i seem to have lost it, the ability to think that a guy would come round. make me fall madly in love with him and never hurt me. now everytime i meet a guy the only thing tt reoccurs me in my mind is the fact that they have the ability to make me feel both in heaven and hell. its like true love never exists- and frankly i dont think i'll even embrace it if it were to bash me in the face. coz that'swhat im left feeling . that what love does to some people i guess. im just one of them who have lost total hope in love. well i hope you dont coz sometimes its nice to know tt ard met there are still some people who believe in love and dont wanna give up fighting till they find it. maybe looking at how u do things like no mater how many times you fall you pick yrself right back up. seeing that, i would begin to have a little faith.

having read that it made me feel that if there's only one person in this world i can depend on to understand me n speak from my heart. its vanisha. its true, somehow i still possess the optimistic feeling of love. yet a huge part of me has alrdy given up on loving. "because of you" by kelly clarkson is one song we will nv be tired of hearing. she fwd an email her ex bf sent her. i teared. i almost cried. coz knowing all the shit she went thru w him and yet they aren't tgt is really sad. she suffered for 4 solid yrs. i cant say my previous relationship was as eventful as hers but it was eventful enough for me. having ex-exes telling us they will cradle us if we fail in our next r/s really agitates us. they're not helping us to move on in any way. mayb bcoz i havent met my true one tt's why i havent given up on love totally. true love sill doesnt exists to me. i truly wonder when will my mr right come by?when will someone tt fits my criteria come by?sometimes im just so tired of waiting for the right one to come i just give up. i cannot afford to let myself go down. once im down ive to get up real soon. because ultilmately im sure we all know tt the one tt wil lgo thru the pain hurt n tears with us is no one but yourself. i dont want to go thru tt period of time where by i feel so lost and alone.
vanisha. i really hope tt by seeing how i live my life right now will give u the courage motivation and hope to go on. its not tt im extrra strong its not tt im emotionless its just tt in time to come u will realise tt living in pain will not stop the world from revolving. nth will stop for u tog et overthings. so let's pick ourselves up quick enough b4 depression sinks in. yes? live for yourself .

and now my precious weisze and i had this conversation last night. it went smth like this.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
me: i duno why how come i try so much try so hard. and things still turn out this way?im tired.
fatigue is coming back to me. i thot everything will be fine as long as i believe it will be fine it will be. but no. why weisze? i dont like!!

ws: coz u ran too far. u ran too fast. its time to come back.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
one phrase and that was it. that's weisze for me. always ready w answers to my questions. thank u sweetie u seem to noe everything. everything tt's going thru my head.

it was a raging night yesterday. full of fury. full of anger. its been a long time since i threw tantrums so badly. like some childish loser i kicked n whacked. now im laughing at my own actions. it was so tiring to be angry and cry at the same time. my eyes hurt.
im really sorry i took it out on u weisze but since u were in a way related. u dont deserve what i said last night n now im living in guilt fer treating u tt way. thank u fer being there thru out. thank u fer telling me i should be angry coz i feel i should.
im much better today. but my eyes still hurt. i really gotta learn to be less childish n less emotional. but the walls ard me seem to be crumbling. friends ard me ive trusted n loved seem to change overnight. regardless of how much i try how much effort i put in. it always seems to be tt way i duno why. i totally understand the fact tt how much u give out wont b e same amt u rec. but is it too much to ask to just treat me fairly? i did all i could as yr friend. but ultimately at the end of the day i feel tt im nth more to u than an acquaintance. it hurts coz ive made the effort to trust to love and to care. but there was more of anger. im tired. i really am. after trying in every friendship im tired of trying so hard to be good to be happy to be entertaining. i thot mayb if it doesnt work out in one friendship it would in others. but im so wrong.
it is always so ironic. the pple who's always been there seems to be the one i take it out on.
im sorry weisze. i duno if what i did last night would ruin our friendship. im sorry. i take everything back. except for the parts abt him. mayb its not him just tt he made things worse fer me last night. i hope everything will remain the same if not i will pay the price of treating u like tt ladt night. love u.

im sick :( i dont like it..
i spent my valentines day w my beloved n favourite one and only VAHHH NEESSSSS SSSAHHH.. okay it was tgt w khorkai and terry. we had curry for dinner and the chapati was HORRENDOUS. it was dry. and the curry was kinda sour. i was appalled by the way they seve us food. my eyes almost popped out when he took the prata w his bare hands n gave it to us. couldnt stop laughing..had fun walking ard little india on a valentine's day how romantic baby i like..home sweet home. drop dead tired.

its been a tiring week fer me..its over. finally. now ive gotta start my summary report and my personal selling report. someone save me! as usual last min work.
next round for attachement will be call centre.
had dim sum for breakfast w my family in the morning. facy me waking up at 8am just to have dim sum. but it was nicee well at least i managed to tempt someone w my mango pudding whaha. i noe ure hungry growl growl~~

altered 2 of my jeans today coz im FATTER now. omg i can just die facing this fact ok. i went off to meet weisze and we walked ard for one hr n i had to run off to book tickets for my hongkong trip. went to a few agencies. walked like crazy i almost died the sun almost killed me!! roar~! okay then i came home to have dinner. tt was my sunday for u.

been busy the whole of this morning now i finally have the time to sit down n recollect what has just happpened. some lecturers are just plain stupid n bias. fair is never in their dictionary. was so fucked up with her unreasonable explaination. i wonder how she can even be a supervisor.
after a bad day n bad night yday things got a little better. thank u to those who came by to care. thank u to those who extended their love. muuackz. just thank u for being there.

back to sch once again week 8 alrdy one more wk to go b4 to my fearful group A frontline i wont have leave i dont like tt... i was enjoying my first day of sch. finished me role play test and i went home to sleep i likeee haha.. then i came back to sch to sign out. met up w weiszehad dinner tgt..yuki yaki loads of salmon haha we like but full aft we ate non stop. i waited 35 mins for her!! shops were closed at 9pm irritated..home sweet home. thank u fer running about for me miss quek. i understand u havent excercised for a long time. its time to start haa..

back to sch once again week 8 alrdy one more wk to go b4 to my fearful group A frontline i wont have leave i dont like tt... i was enjoying my first day of sch. finished me role play test and i went home to sleep i likeee haha.. then i came back to sch to sign out. met up w weiszehad dinner tgt..yuki yaki loads of salmon haha we like but full aft we ate non stop. i waited 35 mins for her!! shops were closed at 9pm irritated..home sweet home. thank u fer running about for me miss quek. i understand u havent excercised for a long time. its time to start haa..

new yr everybody..i wore smth really casual this yr but it was not anything sloppy alright haha..i wore shorts w wedges. birthday greetings to all the january babies i noe off.. yanling prisca rosell hui ping cindy and lastly beth.
thank u to all who bothered to get my bday pressies. sweet of all of u. really. thank u.

29 jan
being the first day of new yr of course i went over to my grandma's place. then to my aunt's place for lunch and tea. had alot of my favourite desert and red bean soup. no new yr goodies at all.
well i did a little visiting. even went over to mulan's bf place to play mahjong and black jack i didnt win alot..but a little. sweetie pie vanisha called to wish me the last fer my bday. in 9 mins i kinda summed up my day to her and we even had time to bitch n gossip. i like. mahjong was a failure coz i didnt noe anything. poor jx and eric were helping a helpless me!! home sweet home finally aft sending jx back. home at ard 130am..i still had to pack my clothes for my msia trip the next day. thanks to my mom..tooo free nth to do make everyone busy. i had like 3 hrs of slp only!!!
.

30 jan- monday
spent the morning in the car and i slept ALL THE WAY w/o even waking up a all coz i was soooo tired. slept 3 hrs straight. breeakfast and we went off to KL to say hi to my aunt. came back down to selamban okay i duno how to spell tt. we booked 2 hotel rooms and went off to port dickson. ok we werent prepared for beach tanning so we just strolled down the beach. quite a nice place. a little dirty thou.
went to malacca..to visit my aunt's best friend's mom's place. ok long connnection but its a kampung. i almost died coz the heat was getting into me. roast me alive pls..pure heat dust and loads of warmth. haa..received ringgits and i just spent them all on gum. now im afriad to finish it coz i wont hv anymore i like those i got. new flavour. i like.. u used to get them fer me. -smiles- back to spore. slept thru out in a way till my eye turns sore. lens in the eye fer too long. torturous in a way. home sweet home baby..missed my bed more than anyone and anything!!

opps..and as usual i brought everything but my phone how clever..met up w my favourite squeeeze squeeze gang in town..son nicole rebecca and melissa. stupid abba couldnt make it i dont understand why!! thank u once again son for buying mom dinner haha..dont forget mom's gucci ok?? then u shall get yr armani promise. laughed over matters and melissa's oh-so-hard salmon fish and ah wan's overly vanilla milkshake. my cookies and cream ice blended was nice!!! was contemplating to go for a drink aft dinner but im too full for anything. calamari, breaded fish, fries, cheddar fries, fried chicken pieces and each other's food. With milkshake. everything fried!!! but i had fun today thank u for everything. -love love-
i duno what i did today. i think i went back ta sch to do my role play script. ahhh yes yes i went back to sch. had lunch w mr bear n mulan. missed those babies so much..went to play "tai di" w yanling in events. i like but i hardly win! im so into black jack!! but i hardly win too..i just enjoy the process of the banker giving me my money!! haha..went to queenstown to look for my puma bag but as expected its limited edition not gonna b found anywhere.. -pouts-
went down to far east w my sister and we were super late coz mom asked us to have "yu sang" w her and her colleagues. so mr nice eric came to pick us up haha thank u squeeeze squeeeze..after which i went down to bugis and i got a pair of pumps..i like. then i met up w cindy. okay no more whining abt her hard disc today. it was just pure bitching. we plan to get a gucci wallet tgt plan to get a gucci bag tgt..omg i duno when those PLANS big big plans are ever gonna come true. in our wildest dreams. but im seriously in lurve w that french plait tote bag and that classic design wallet. went off to meet mom for dinner but tt lazy ball brought me elsewhere for dinner i forgot where. home sweet home.
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a yr has just passed like this. i didnt noe why we turned out this way. was it for the better or was it for the worse? i didnt stop moving to let time catch up with me. i cant. once it starts catching up w me. all my make believe is gone. all my perfect life will be gone, a part of me missed u. and i hate myself for doing that.

Mimi Chan
In love with the bling!*
hearts her girls


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