daph doll;

.Sunday, August 28, 2005 ' Sunday, August 28, 2005 Y

I am a broken doll
Average i am no more
On the outside i am perfection
But my heart is bruised and sore

They call me broken doll
Because of my broken heart
My heart broke long ago
Now it's in two parts
The only visible sign of hurt
Is the sadness in my eyes
No one knows how i feel
My smile is my disguise

I am a porcelain doll
With a very broken heart
My thought's were the weapons that broke it
Now it's in two parts
So sweet looking on the outside
But inside angry and sour
Why must i watch such tragedy
Every day hour by hour

Placed here on this window still
Looking down on the city below
I see all the madness and misfortune
That the city has to show

Inside my tears are falling
Continuously
Non stop
My broken heart gets heavier
With every single dropInside my broken heart
I'm swimming in my tears
For it's thinking of the tragedy
I've witnessed through the years

I am a broken doll
Who'll be broken evermore
On the outside i am perfection
But my heart is bruised and sore

loved

.Friday, August 26, 2005 ' Friday, August 26, 2005 Y

stayed home the whole day i only stepped outta the hse in the evening..weisze finally finished her class!i was 35 mins late i felt so bad!! but she told me she would b late so i took my time. to weisze: IM REALLY SORRY OK. let's not b bitchy abt it whaha..i accompanied u to shop!!gotta goooood deal fer u too..so dont b a bitch yeah?ok.deal.
saw a nice sq cut from levis..love the colour..but i shall snoop ard abit more perhaps i might find a better deal.ugh whatever i will forget abt it soon i shall find soemthing new to focus on..contemplating to get a mp3 or not.i thot i had money but now i duno where it all went to..im so free each day mayb i should work..but it will b disrupted by my mid sept holiday.i hate this.
went shop aft shop..we were tired..went fer a drink in coffee bean..finally i spoke to her in proper..duno if she wanted to hear i just went on n on..
walked back to catch the train home..prisca scared us halfway..n we stood there talking fer quite sometime..feels good to talk to her again..she looked like a ghost..we went off first but we walked so slowly tt she caught up w us at city link!!haha more talking n finally we went our different wayyssss...
im home..im tired...im hungry i shall sleeeep

loved

.Sunday, August 21, 2005 ' Sunday, August 21, 2005 Y

holidays hav been here fer a wk now..all ive been doing is going out shopping and staying at home to pass time.i hv practically no direction in my life now.there's no goal nor final destination to reach or acheive.i feel hopeless..
shopping each days numbs me..it makes me drag myself away from reality n stay in my wonderful bubble hoping that the bubble dream will nv burst.i try to occupy myself with things to do so i wont have to think abt it.but it comes back to me in the end.when night falls.im stuck in a moment i cant get out of.

im selfish.i need tt someone to b there 24/7.i think im paranormal.im disgusted by the way im feeling esp when its late at night.i nv show how vulnerable i can get.i dont let my tears flow in front of just anyone.i cant bring myself to tell even my girlfriends that i neeed them to be there for me.i laugh each day.i smile each day.i bounce in joy once i get myself something.but when im home, i simply stare at those shopping bags of mine.how much of it do i need?should i even be so down about the way things are for me now?i used to not give a damn abt how life treats me but why now?

i wanna live a life tt's entirely not my own.i wanna run away from all of it.dont wake me up.i noe if i want to..i will come to terms with it one day.no one is ever there physically.plain bullshit.but if someone's there..its a bonus.if no one is..its expected.no one has super natural powers like spiderman, superman, batman, ultraman, or even captain planet.i noe i will get stronger as i survive each ordeal each obstacle. i noe i can be stronger than anyone of you.i can.if only i believe myself to be.

loved

.Tuesday, August 16, 2005 ' Tuesday, August 16, 2005 Y

anw..i think i din mention tt i saw my hubby on national day!
saw him aft the national day parade at yishun..i duno why yishun n not town or something..ok i was kiasu i forced my sister to b early n we arrived at almost 6pm..n the so-called concert only starts at 830..but it will probably gonna b late n all..so we walked ard northpoint..it has nth..empty shell!! but we needed to kill time coz it was hell of a HAWT outside..it was like a family carnival..but i was worried i wont get to see him so i made my way into the grassy area once again.thank gawd i wore covered shoes.
i complained all the way cursing at every single event in the parade..

my sister : i dont understand y there're so many ppl here!!
me: coz they havent seen a grp of ppl marching according to the beat of drums!

the emcee was saying "yes n our president nathan is enjoying the parade.." and i went "yeah bullshit..he's enduring!!" i mean coz i was really irritated it was really boring me out but im only staying fer my mr.hottie!!
we were almost all the way at the back..looking at the screen..when he ended they announced there will b hk stars so it must b him..i pulled my sister n squeeeeezed all da way to the front standing on chairs halfway to see how was the crowd coz i couldnt really see where i was heading..finally we were "seated" like 4th row from the front..but it was still not v clear ta me.i was squatting..so i stood up but some idiot came n pressed me down n i gave him a dirty stare n i stood up again n another came to tell me to sit down..we were not allowed to stand coz we will b blocking the WHITE ministers..oh purrrlease...as if they even noe who twins n nicholas tse is..
.twins sang first but i really dont like their chinese songs..honkies shouldnt sing chinese songs seriously..i was so irritated partly coz i was sick fer the whole day..
then it was some mobile column crap...wasted a whole 25 mins!! and then it was my beloved!! suave!! gawd..he was standing at the bottom of the stage waiting to be called up n everyone was alrdy estatic.screaming..n i din care less i stood up too..n i made my way all the way to the front..i was like the 2nd or 3rd person in front of the stage...this short n plump girl was in front of me n i conveniently placed my arms on her shoulder when i was trying to take a niceee picture..but she din seem to mind so i continued...he sang his old old old..chinese songs but nvm i like..everyone LOVED..some stupid china guy was right in front n he was video-caming..n singing..looking so engrossed..oh pls..i think everyone was disgusted..he was singing along...but he's old...BLEAH..there were even bangala's there...n they offered me a booklet to sit on..anw he sang n jumped off the stage aft a while n i was so nervous i almost dropped my phone i wanted to touch him!!! humph..but when he was right in fron of me i din noe!! suddenly i din noe how to operate my phone n my hands were dangling in fornt!! he just held the mike n sang in front of us..nvm he was oh my gawding hawwwt!! screamed n screamed ..throat hurts..went home aft tt..hungry..but wasnt in the mood to eat..

loved

.Saturday, August 13, 2005 ' Saturday, August 13, 2005 Y

it was finally the last day of the exams yday!! it has been terrible fer the past 2 wks.but i noe i will have to take a supp paper fer at least one module.i just didnt study hard enough fer this paper i duno why.late nights mugging were terrible coz it gets so quiet dark n eeewww..
went fer buffet with my classmates.its so strange. only when things are coming to an end we came to realise that we are very comfortable and happy with each other. you are just at ease totally. coz almost everyone has a relationship problem!!...had alot fer dinner yday.lame jokes, scares, making fun of people..we were full aft a while but yummu king yonghui wasnt. he ate like a PIG..seriously he ate from the moment we sat down till we left.endless durian puffs, mango cakes (my favourite!!) PRAWNS..(our favourite) we had like 3 rounds of prawns. and each round was a full plate of it.piled to a mountain. i picked the best pieces of chicken fer them ok!! eat eat eat and eat..walked to esplanade after that bu we were lost in marina sq wheee but we saw the so-called new marina sq..many new shops..i shall visit the place one day coz most of it were closed.finally found our way thru n we played ard the esplanande...wheeee laughed till our tummy hurt so much. yummy king claims if u laugh too much u will get hungry v soon so he made us laugh alot wanting us to eat moreee..but of course there were serious moments too.i realised and leanrt alot abt how to behave like a girl..
i never knew giving u so much freedom and trusting u so much will only make u feel i dont care enough for u..but now that i know..it is too late.
we laughed everything off but we all noe behind each of us there is a very sad story...

loved

.Wednesday, August 03, 2005 ' Wednesday, August 03, 2005 Y

tmr is efma paper n im only halfway barely there...whaha..
was surfing thru friendster n i came across 5N's account! gosh really those were the days wondered why couldnt we b even more untied haha..
our awareness camps..our naughty tricks to upset the teachers..running away from sch..playing in the lab with whatever was left after the experiment..running away from jo-teo's sharp eyes..fabric painting everything we own.belt extensions..safety pins!! long long letters to each other (we were sitting next to each other) tt's how far we were from each other..copying of workbooks..running down the stairs coz we were late fer assembly..stepping on tt wet field mudding our shoes..hiding the colourful ankle socks..decorating boring sch shoes w markers..graffiti..banging of lockers.endless toilet trips..clips clips clips n more clips.running away from NERDY prefects..passing of mirrors everywhere..at least one mirror per table.huge pencil cases tt occupied half the table.running down once its time fer recess eric tan's "hungry ghost gate is opened". imitating words tt were wrongly pronounced..spraying each other with distilled water..scrubbing of black black pots till our nails chipped.cleaning the kitchen for the sch..FREE LABOUR.carrying of huge art boards for the art girls..helping them shade their large pieces of draft..accompanying them to "art friend" to get materials and special coloured paper. sewing of tissue pouches. lip-synching the national anthem n school song.fighting for ourselves when we were caught by jacq yip..being defiant..
oohhh the list goes on..i wanna go back to the past..i dont want any other worldly affairs to bug me or to put me down..i dont want any doubts or suspicion on anyone..i wanna go back to IJ..i wanna go back to the place where we were all sheltered by the teachers n by our friends..i dont ever want to step out of it...

loved