♥ onsdag 13 april 2011 ♥
Well Hello again, to the non-existent readers out there ;)
Time really flies, its week 3 of spring break already! and its not actually a break, but more like a mug fest. I really dont know what's the problem with me. I have been so unproductive and slow. really slow. its even worse than a levels. and i dont know why i keep wanting to sleep. i get distracted easily. and there's just too much workload. and once i lose my momentum, due to random events/errands i have to run, i lose the momentum for the whole day. i really have no time anymore. i lost the first week as i was sick. i'll be losing my 4th week cos of my placement. and i'll be losing half of my last week cos im going to amsterdam. however, all these have not made me work harder at all. i am just so slow and i dont know how i'll make it on time. wait, will i even make it? seriously, for the crazily high school fees that i pay, i ought to justify that by my hard work. but no. im lazy, procrastinate, and just plain daft. is this the 'waking up' period?
I remember during my exams and a level times, there are a few certain stages that i go through. 1) slack and be really slow and lazy 2) start to realize and panic 3) panic attack 4) learn lesson and start studying hard 5) study real hard 6) get burnt out. gosh im a really bad student. thank god no one reads this place and realizes what a bad student i am.
I like the comfort and privacy of my room. but its this comfort that makes me want to sleep and laze around. so i tried going to the library. in the libraries, you work really hard cos everyone is doing so. its kinda motivating, except that you have to fight for a place, where everyone is hogging it. and you get really burnt out after awhile. gosh. i see everyone studying real hard now. and when i compare myself, i pale in comparison.
sorry for the above ranting. i bet nobody is really interested anyway. so anyway, on a side note and something more cheery, i have been doing a lot of online shopping. some of the things are nice, while some are disappointing. i bought a fan-heater too. then i realised i prob wont need the heater since there's gonna be one in my house next year. and speaking about houses, i am so pissed off/frustrated about it. everyone seems to find theirs really easily. my friend and i have been working so hard but nothing seems to go well. are our expectations too high and are we too picky? seriously, my other friends didnt even spend as much time as we did and they got good deals. i have really bad luck in all these shit. well, fuck this shit. i'll stay under the bridge with a cardboard and stray dogs.
So many things have happened. I guess i have changed too. Everyone's changing. im not talking about any of the above anymore. After much thinking, i think, and i really hope i have, gotten over it. Its really not worth the time and effort because it will never work or be reciprocrated. i really give up on this matter. this whole topic has just screwed my mind up. whatever, seriously, whatever. i am over it!
okay i think im just being moody cos of the things that have been happening recently. and please bear with it, cos im in the exam phase, where you see me degenerate into a pissed-off/whiny/shitty-ass old bitch.
wait for me till the exams are over? i really cant wait for the touring, meeting of friends (hear's a holla to my singaporean 1st year med students going on their euro trip). i really cannot wait to step back into singapore, my own nice house, my comfortable room. i really want to talk and irritate my parents and have them treat me like a baby. i cannot wait to go back to familiar surroundings with familiar people, like my friends and relatives. the small things, like the food, my fav bus route, my fav supermarket, my fav hangouts... i really cant wait to go back.
but to reach the end, you'll have to go through some obstacles first. for now, i guess my biggest obstacles would be the (stupid) housing issue, and most importantly, the EXAMS!! which i dont know whether i'll survive it or not. seriously.it also doesnt help that i'll miss my birthdays for 3 years, esp the all important 21st birthday. oh how life sucks...
catch ya'll another time, when im so bored i can be bothered to blog to a life-less community of population zero.
girlfriend wanna be like me, never. you won't find a bitch that's even better.
09:09
♥ lördag 12 februari 2011 ♥
I'm here! Just felt like blogging so here i am.
Its the middle of Lent Term now where all the work is slowly starting to pile up and i can notice the subtle changes in my friends! no more partying till the wee hours of the morning for my neighbours (amen to that!) and less outings etc.
My social life is quite boring, i can say. havent gone to any raves/parties so far. although there are a couple of room parties and chit chats. on thursday we went to ben's room to drink some alc. it tasted quite good and i drank quite a bit! then we had htht-s and played lotsa songs then i started singing/bawling really loudly haha but nothing too much. when i reached my room i got a lil tipsy and had a headache. i think my slanted floor had a part to do with it.
My sleeping habits are quite weird, i sleep a lot during the day and get active during the night! i definitely need to be more productive in terms of studying. i have been finding myself rushing deadlines! the feeling of submitting an essay at 23 56 when the deadline is 0000 and preparing a presentation at 1348 at a 1400 meeting is exciting but definitely not good for the heart/mind.
Now that i have stayed quite a long time overseas, I am finding things a routine. Routine can be good but sometimes boring. so you can definitely find me walking in different routes, exploring new places etc. i recently read someone's blog. she's asian and moved to london too. even though we are approx in the same situation, she seems to be having a lot of fun, making full use of her time! i wish i can see things from her pov..
Did i say that they're gonna take 4+ months to repair the lift? seriously... British efficiency.. for the horrendous exorbitant rent that i am paying in this quite-shitty hall, i think they should give us a refund! its such a chore to do laundry esp when i am on the highest floor and gotta go up and down and up and down etc during the cycle. and now, ive lost the motivation to go down for breakfast already. once im up, i'll never go down. minimizing effort. you have no idea.
Time is passing really quickly and i have so many things to do! I still dont know if i'll regret not doing 'that' (secret), since it'll be good and all but i'll have no time to myself. i find my current commitments more than enough already. need to learn how to manage my time properly. and keep fit! i am turning into flabs and that aint fab you know. aim: gonna make a use outta my free 2 weeks gym membership from o2 haha.
as a student living on a budget, ive been eating self-made salads quite frequently. i'm no jamie oliver, but i can say im quite creative at making yummy healthy salads, given that ive no kitchen facilities in this shitty hall! except for the microwave which is everyone's best friend. i secretly derive pleasure from walking past my hallmates with my 'treasure' while they salivate and look at what i've made. BUT there exists this bastardy fridge thief who steals stuff. never mind about that. but at least do it properly right! Many times, i have found my unopened ham and plastic bag of food savagely ripped across the middle, when all they could have done with less effort was to untie the loose knot. seriously.. have to resort to asian looking dirty dodgy plastic bags tied with rubber bands x3 you get the idea..
Okay i wish the sleeping monster would not keep finding me to hang out. i seriously sleep too much and get sleepy too easy. and i get distracted very easily. adhd??
The weather's turning better now and i can wear less layers! though im kinda sad i only saw 2 snow-falls last year. stupid humid warm london. it amazes me how i can say 'oh its so warm today! 5 deg!' when i was dying when i first arrived and it was 15 deg.
Sometimes, i really miss home. my family, some of my cousins, my good friends and biatches, my duudes etc. i really miss cheap good food. london aint no food paradise. good food comes at a price, and cheap food is just laden with fats and tastes crap. cheri's salads are good...
Okay long term plan for this term: buy airticket, find house for next acad year, plan easter/pre summer hols in europe, plan things to do in sg during summer, study and be ahead of schedule. backlog is not good!!!
ttyl ;)
girlfriend wanna be like me, never. you won't find a bitch that's even better.
06:54
♥ söndag 23 januari 2011 ♥
Hi everyone! i'm finally back after 6 months!
So after six months, im totally leading a different life. i'm in a different continent, different time zone, in a different room with different friends and a different lifestyle. everything has changed. i never thought i'd make it this far!
Exactly one year ago, i just started my job at Starhub and i can remember those days where i was just so scared of talking to people and learning the mechanics of the working world! my mindset has widened so much and i've literally seen and experienced so many things that i am proud to say that i have grown up.
Exactly one year ago, i still had no idea what course or university i would end up in. I had just completed my applications to overseas university. done with all the sats and ucas that i really have to thank angela and zhimin for waking me up during the period right before a levels. if it werent for them and their advice, i wouldnt be here!
Sometimes when i am free i will reflect on this past year and 2010 has indeed been one of the most exciting and life-changing years of my life. Until April 19 2010 5pm, which was the exact deadline for confirming my scholarship at smu, i didnt know where i'll end up in. so yeah, i literally hesitated until the deadline before they called me and then i firmly decided that i was london bound. if not, i will be at smu reading economics and business!
So many things have happened. Visas, air tickets, health immunisations, packing, outings with friends before the big farewell. Then, settling in a totally new environment called Connaught Hall, going to the great LSE, and exploring the new place that awaits me.
London is really a fantastic place. There exists some flaws that compromise on its attractiveness, like high crime rate, crowdedness, high cost of living etc. but theres just so much to do here. apart from awesome shopping and food, which is to die for, the best part is there's so much scenery and nature (not in zone 1 of course) that i dont get to experience in singapore. because of its central location, I can easily go to the suburbs, other cities or even other parts of UK so easily and cheaply. and with friends all around the UK, free accommodation and tours await my arrival. Perhaps many of you don't know, I love travelling, especially independently, to countrysides and nature. Sometimes if i am feeling stressed, all it takes is a 30 min tube ride to some ulu place and i'll be refreshed after that.
It's amazing how i used to criticize and look down on my own country. i would lament that the weather is crap (which still is), place is crowded, transport is crap and expensive, and theres nowhere to go, people just don't do things professionally etc. but now that i have experienced living in a different city, i have learnt to appreciate the 'flaws' that i thought Singapore had. the tube is way more expensive that i have to consider for a long time if it is justifiable to take it. it was even more crammed and stuffy etc. and i definitely miss the accessibility to cheap and awesome food. food here is either very expensive, or cheap but crap quality and nutrition. lastly, i have grown to appreciate how singapore is actually very efficient and organised, and is actually a first class nation! it's interesting how other people view Singapore. This African-American that i was talking to was so impressed that i came from Singapore. He asked me 'Is Sg the small prosperous island where there are literally NO slums?' Even our principal, Howard Davies, has a quirky yet interesting view of Singapore. During orientation, while explaining how diverse our school population is, he describe Sg as the 'country that delights in having clandestine secret chewing gum sessions'.
Indeed, LSE means Let's See Europe, as quoted by Howard Davies. I have travelled to so many exotic places during my first vacation. I went to Italy and Croatia with Itchy Feet, my school's travelling/backpacking/adventure society and counted down with my friends at Paris. I also went punting at Cambridge, exploring Nottingham and many more! I will never forget how nice Trieste and also Pula is, how these exotic cities have practically no tourists and everyone stops and looks at you like you're an alien. It also helped a lot that i was the official translator for food during my trips. Need interpretation of menu? Im your man.
I can say that I have grown up and wisened a lot. I now understand how companies and professionals do their stuff. and that so many issues are multi-faceted and require careful planning and execution. I met really amazing, capable and inspiring people and learnt many new concepts and ideas.
Now, to the less formal, mundane stuff. This is the first time that i'm living out alone. being in a hall has made it very fun too. initially, i was being all whiny and not looking forward to this new envt, since i knew practically no one in the hall. but through facebook and parties, i have found my own circle of good friends. we shall leave the topic of racial segregation to another post. but let's just say that i am currently happy with my lil group of asians haha.
We have our meals together in a harry potter like dining room, bathe in small, neat cubicles and socialize at our hall bar and social area. there are occasional parties that we attend and everyone just lets their hair down. the best are the small personal room parties. when we eat asian food, drink copious amounts of alcohol and play old school music while screaming at the top of our lungs, jumping up and down. then we bond and chat over tea and peanuts or cheap chocolate.
Student life is quite amazing. i secretly delight in all my budget purchases n money saving antics. For the thrifty student on a budget, the pound shops are a mecca to us. we visit it religiously and stock up on our essentials. cheapskate? nah i dont think so. its just using your money wisely. also, europe is very student friendly, there are always student concessions and even if its nt stated, it doesnt harm to ask, and next thing, you're entering the louvre in paris for free!
im also happy i found a good community of friends, some that make me really contented and i can always be myself, and on a serious note, a community for my faith. i have a few good, religious friends who i can go to church with and discuss such issues. Without them ,i probably wont have the motivation to go to church or participate in any activity.
So far, ive described most of my adventures and how i'm loving it, which is what pleases the eye. there are matters that make me really unhappy, but i guess its best not to whine and lament over this space. good things are meant to be remembered, while the bad ones, tossed away.
This has been a really long post, as always. I dont know when i'll blog again because it just requires too much thinking and effort. we'll see. and maybe next time, the stuff that i write will be so different from what im doing now. im looking forward to that.
till then,
catch me on my european adventures. through facebook, youtube, whatsapp, whatever.
girlfriend wanna be like me, never. you won't find a bitch that's even better.
15:18
♥ onsdag 11 augusti 2010 ♥
HI ALL!
wow realised i haven't blogged in ages.
i can say that this one month after i was 'liberated' have been fruitful in many ways! did my visa, got my air ticket, got to know more schoolmates, went out with vball mates, hung out with close/tight mates, cleaned my room like how i never used to, realised how much junk i hoard blah blah. finally did some shopping too! bugis street is like a menace waiting to be conquered btw.
I have wasted quite a lot of days just lazing around and thinking. since i have a month left, it shall be more productive! my schedule's almost filled to the brim everyday with errands/outings! sooooo busy. and of course since i have no passive income now, i must learn how to spend less!
I think i am gonna miss so many people that i never really thought i would. i would miss all the small things that make up my life. like for example, i would miss my room and my bolster! okay that sounds so kiddy.
There's so much i have to say with regards to whats happening in my life but at the same time, i can't find a way to describe it or there is nothing noteworthy to say? some things are better left kept in the dark than to be releasedddd...
Something's been bugging me these few days. Some people that i know are not exactly financially endowed, by that i mean, RICH. and yet that behave/spend like tai-tais and don't think twice on buying stuff. come on, if you don't even have an income or earn pittance, don't spend and live as if you earn millions and spluring on dior bags blah blah means PEANUTS to you. its really funny how the richest are the least flamboyant while wanna be poseurs act so bad. i do indulge myself once in awhile, and by that i mean by buying nice food! but seriously, i won't buy clothes/bags that are 3-4 digits in price when i know i don't have the ability to. i'm just saying, some people need to spend within their limits and know that if they aint rich, don't act like they are.
Anyway, i've been reading some blogs and some people adopt philosophical/cheem/thought-provoking style of writing. they write as if they are sages, pondering on the problems that plague society blah blah, like sth from newsweek/ the economist. there's no problem with that. but then, does my style of easy ranting, spewing whatever comes outta my head make me sound unintelligent/shallow? i sure hope not. i tried a couple of times to change my style of writing to sound journalistic and high classy but its so difficult and totally doesn't suit me! afterall, we lead busy lives and the last thing we wanna do is search our heads for something cheem to write to sound smart. This sounds bad but i may once again make the blog private and venture into something new!
Apart from that, life is pretty okay. so many nitty gritty to take care of! my personal daily planner has served me well.
tired tired tired shall head to the sheets now and escape into la la land!
girlfriend wanna be like me, never. you won't find a bitch that's even better.
08:20
♥ torsdag 17 juni 2010 ♥
hi all how's everyone faring? I wanted to post something a
few weeks ago. But I was distracted and left it halfway and never came back to it. I shall create a full post today!
I don't know what's up with my body but this is my 3rd time falling sick ever since I started my job. I was always the strong hardy one so I don know why I suddenly turned so frail and vulnerable :( maybe it's the constant interaction with people and germs? And colleagues falling sick all the time. Just saying.. I need to boost my immunity. This 3rd time was e worst. Today marks the one week where I have been at home due to mc. Hve never felt so sick before! And even now my throat ain't feeling good. There's something inside and it hurts when I swallow or talk!
I was so sick until my fever reached a big 4 0! And I had to have an injection, on my ass! How embarrassing, in front my mom and exposing myself to this lesbian looking doctor who overprescribed me so many medicine. Duplicates for the same ailment! And sooo many pills. Of course the bill went up sooo high despite it being a neighbourhood clinic. Note to self: don't visit doctors on weekends. And visit those that u r familiar with, don't try or sample new ones.. Doesn't work this way.
The days passed so quickly too. Apart from collapsing due to the drowsiness I have had the time to think about stuff. And thinking only induces more stress! There's so much for me to settle before school starts. I don't think I have the time to squeeze driving lessons in already.
Oh so many things to do! I hate the last minute rush. But that's usually the driving force that makes me complete my tasks. Projects, homework blah blah.
I was talking to a few friends and it's a really small small world. Friends who haven met each other fo years ended up being in the same og or course in uni. Or cuter, friends gg to the sane region as me! Wheeee hope I won't feel too lonely and homesick when I go over..
3 more weeks... I can hang on right? Everything just seems to pile up on me these few weeks. I'm still counting down all the way girl I can do it. Oh and I'm also meeting zm and bombom next week can't wait!!! I miss em so much. I don't know if I'll ever hv e chance to meet bombom after this already, since we will be on opposite continents. Separation anxiety once again!
I think I have lost some weight recently? For e first few days I was sick, I was amazed how little I ate. Like 5 scoops of porridge for dinner and a nibble of some bread and I'll feel stuffed for e whole day! Amazing that saves me so much money and it helps me lose weight. Unfortunately the appetite has been coming back. Which should be a good thing since it means I'm recovering right? Food also tastes pretty tasteless bahhhhhh
okay shall update a few weeks from now, Maybe when I am released from the dungeons!!! C y'all
girlfriend wanna be like me, never. you won't find a bitch that's even better.
22:31
♥ lördag 8 maj 2010 ♥
hey there I'm bloggin on my phone again. I seriously don't use my home pc anymore...
Anyway, it's two months more. Time passes real fast, it seemed like ytd when I was applying for the job and got it all instantly. I can't wait for it to end, cos I'm quite tired sometimes. Moneys real good though, and I like e ppl so much, never thought I can Click so well with ppl from all ages and backgrounds!
Okay, so I was being all home alone for a week and a half, cos my parents were holidaying in china! I didn't feel like I missed out, cos it's not one of my favourite destinations.. So it was a memorable week I remember e last time this happened was in sec 4 when my parents went to Aussie on sone really awesome farmstay but I had to prepare for prelims and skool. My relatives visited and it was helluva mayhem and I don't want to relive it ever again.
This time, during work days, things were basically e same, just that I would come home to a quiet place and be able to stay up late enjoying e telly and blasting music and cooking couscous at 2 am.. Speaking about telly, my parents are switching to mio tv and I'm really doubting if e shows would be as good and as much variety as starhub's. This would mean I won't be able to catch e ending of my fab police show..
One night when I was off e next day, I went with my colleagues to watch ip man 2. Didn't catch ip man 1 but it was quite a good Chinese show! It sorta enhanced my pride in my roots an reminded myself not to give in to white imperialism, subservience and our uncalled for colonialistic mentality.. After that I didn't wanna cab home so ex so dark, so I chatted with Huishan and kolin at macs and hearing them made me realise how lucky I am in so many ways. I shouldn't condemn my boring albeit peaceful life cos some ppl have it worse.. I so love h2h and have been having them more recently and it always makes me feel better.. After that I actually spent e nigt at hs house! Imagine looking at yearbooks laughing and botching at people I don't know lol.
When dawn came, I took e first bus home and I realised I missed gg to skool so much. E pristine uniform that spells of pride, the fun and innocence of studying, the camaraderie and crazy times with my classmates, where are y'all? Anyway, I went swimming early in the morning , haven't been exercising since I don't know when! I also realised that lotsa old aunties in fat suits gather in e pool for their morning workout too.. Then I went home ate breakfast slept and went for tuition then bam the day was over.
On my previous off day I bought groceries at carrefour. It was fun dumping everything I liked into the trolley, but definitely not fun on the wallet and even more not fun when I held everything in my hands and toppled. So freaking heavy and I had to act macho and walk away from e cashiers. It was also not fun taking public transport and walking home with all that. I need a driving license!
So anyway my independent week was fun, preparing me for my life in college, living alone! I've been visiting forums lately, reaing up on trivial yet sth that I would need in my life. Gna be heading to Bernie and bens house to get e winter stash. I've also been saving up. Haven't shopped since japan imagine how deprived my closet is! I need to break out of my tweenage clothing style hah. Also realised that London has h&m, claires etc, all the most coveted brands omgggggg!!!!! So stoked can't wait.
Ah so many things to think about, but the highlight recently would be jailbreaking my iPhone! Kolin did it for me and I admit I was kinda nervous doing it. But e possibilites are endless! Talk about personalizing it iPhone and all those additional functions..
Bank accounts, visas, accommodation, settling down, money matters, packing and all that. Aiyo I'm drowned in all of that!
Lastly before I end off, I'm really wondering if the both of them will remember. No news no noise, really thinking about the sincerity and the foundation of our relationship so far. Real or faked? Sturdy or superficial?
Yeap that's all for now, back to the telly..
girlfriend wanna be like me, never. you won't find a bitch that's even better.
06:57
♥ fredag 16 april 2010 ♥
my body succumbed to sickness. Hi it's me blogging after a few weeks, and it's my first time blogging through my phone! A phone can never ever replace a desktop computer...
So for the past few weeks, many of my colleagues have been sick. One of my colleagues got it first, and e virus was so virulent and aggressive that at least a handful of people caught it too! As I saw one by one sniffing and falling sick, I wondered how lucky I was, still alright! I shouldn't have thought that way, cos on wednesday, I felt the first signs of sickness.
The last time I was sick was in July, where the great depression happened. Insider stuff bit oh well. When I'm sick, I definitely know it. Everything just feels and smells and tastes different. So I got light headed, got this floating sensation and my nose ran like a tap. So I slept e whole wed when I had to prep for Thursday. Damn right.
Wednesday night was the worst. I woke up every 5 mins, sometimes sweating like crazy, sometimes so cold I put on 2 sweaters. My whole body was aching, especially the back. Thanks mom for e backrub at 5am in e morning. Falling sick feels terrible! I used so many tissues tha my bed looked like a White sheet of cotton balls haha.
So on Thursday, basically I wasn't my best position. One interesting thing was that I pinned my fringe totally away from my face. I realised that I looked so goody two shoes and nerdy maybe.anyway, all didn't go too well. I sounded like a man i couldn't eat and I was floating. Did my sickness affect my performance causing me to screw up? I wish this was the reason, and yet I wish it wasnt too.
So I went to see e doc and it was a funny sight. When e doc was using e stethescope I called my mom in cos I wanted her to be with me. Then e funny old man doctor got angry and said eh why u talking like that how I do e checkup? E scene was so funny cos he looked so flustered. I was e last patient. He thought it was weird to give me mc on weekend, cos he presumed no one worked on weekends. Well, I am part of e select few that do not fall into this category.
So comment question of the day. Whether at school or at work, if ure sick, would u take mc or just hold on? Apart from earning money and not missing any classes, I think this has all to do with responsibility. If ure sick, jolly well stay at home and don't pass it around. If not, it'll only bring more harm. Ure harming other innocent people too. And overall producitivity would be lost. I know, sometimes we think that it's just a minor ailment and we can shrug it off. But u definitely can't rest in peace knowing that uve caused others to suffer now can you? Where's that conscience?
Anyway, I did something I haven't done in a long time. Rented two movies, the time travellers wife and 500 days of summer. Watched it in e wee hours of e morning and managed to catch a glimpse of sunlight before plonking down to the bed with e effect of drowsy medicine. Damn those drowsiness. My sense of Taste is also non existent thanks to those medicine...
I've got mc tomorrow and i think I'd just go back to work. That's not a very good idea, knowing tht I'm still quite week and weekend crowds can b overwhelming. But I feel slightly better and I'm afraid of e overdue work. Besides, I'll feel downright guilty if I had to make someone called back on their rest days...
So after all that effort and hard work and consideration that I put into it, was it all worth it? I got this far biut
not far enough. Also, I hafta make life changing decisions by Monday. Why can't they give me
more time. Everyday I receive letters and prospectus and I'm so bewildered. Which one should I chooooose omg Monday Is coming so so fast.
On a sidenote, I'm really missing school life. It's a safe haven and I miss all the innocence and the camaraderie shared with friends. U can make mistakes in school, but u can't do e same when you're at work. U can act like a baby in school, but u gotta toughen up and open ur eyes when ure working.
It's dinner time now and I have nothing to eat at home and my parents are out! Should I go to eastpoint to get something, or wait untily parents to come home and bring me some take out? Anyway I happened to drive past dominos pizza ytd! First outlet in sg??
Current state of mind : bewildered and swamped with so many decisions to make, living in transition everyday
girlfriend wanna be like me, never. you won't find a bitch that's even better.
03:41
