i have moved.
(to where the grass is greener.)

HAHA.

$^&%$#@#$@!!!!

1) History Essay (three to six pages long!)
2) KI Essay
3) Econs Essay
4) NUS Debate Semifinals thing on saturday

and NO FUCKING TIME!!!

&(Sc$@#%%&&^#$^#%$@!!!!!!!

So stressed i almost cried today. =\
I stress. ALMOST.
(JUST TO BE SURE)
i.e. I sooo did not.

...Cry. I mean. I didn't cry.

(: Dinner made things a whole lot better though.
So awwww, thank you!

incessantly.

Yesterday was spent at Merawoods.

where i finally got to see my aunt. It is always a bittersweet experience going there because i half yearn to see her and half don't - because i don't want to use up too quickly, the visits i have left with her. Of course, i know it (probably?) doesn't work that way but she keeps talking of how we have only a few visits left together so it always feels like i am using up the time like using up tokens at a fair. And i know it is pointless having loads of time with her just...being around and not being around her but well, i'd like to have her here as long as possible, please. At least then i can call her. And i know i don't anymore. But. Well. At least i wil lknow i can when i finally think i am ready to sound happy enough. I don't want to be a right pain and go on the phone and drain all her positivity by being sad and stuff.

The cancer jargon isn't that jarring and unfamiliar anymore but her new anytime-i-might-go vocabulary still has me squirming in my seat if not struggling not to tear. Or something. I mean that would be just catastrophic wouldn't it - if i started like, sobbing or something. Although that would probably be one of the terrifically rare moments i'd care less about my stupid bruised ego and more about somebody else.

So anyway, we decided yesterday that we'd have my brother a birthday barbeque thingamajig. Because she wants things special. That's good, i suppose.

...Garh. I don't really know what to think, actually.

Well that aside, it was another...heartwarming (is that the word? Ha. I have a heart to warm. (: Shock of the century.) visit. I must admit, i am invariably bored for extended periods of time when i get there because they always play that stupid Halo game at least once. And i hate Stupid Halo Game. Otherwise Mira makes me play Monopoly or Nayan makes me play Uno and that can get boring also. While playing, I am always torn between thanking the heavens they have not yet seen enough of the world to recognise boredom and thus letting me sucessfully amuse them even as i am so halfhearted and cursing the Powers that Be because if they think i am enjoying myself, they will continue in my company. It's my personal interest versus theirs - do i be bored or do i let them be bored. (it occurs to me i should appreciate that i have any effect on their lives at all. (: HAHA.)

BUT THEN. Yesterday, at the end of everything, Mira looked up pleadingly and urged me to sleepover because the next day (today) is a holiday and ohmyfreakinggod, it was so...heartmelting and stuff, i think my boredom goes to a good cause. (: And so i'll keep the whole boring Sunday routine, i think. And anyway, Sunday dinners are good dinners. (:

BUT yeah this is supposed to be about chinese new year specifically. And wait a minute, it wasn't even Sunday. HAHA. Okay, nothing much actually. It's more or less like any other sunday. Except we had blackjack instead of monopoly. Because its like, the only chance Mira has of gambling! Or something. And after two hours of blackjack, i managed to lose...all of $1.30!!! HAHA, Okay. Cheap entertainment. But still! Sadness, i lost. hahaha.

AND it took my long enough - a decade. But i FINALLY found out why they address their parents in such a...mismatched address. (i.e. Papa and Mummy and not mama and papa/daddy and mummy. I mean. cos that's what people do right?)

And it's because!!! It's not freaking English!!! It's like, their Gujarati tradition thing, or something.

ANNNNDDD I have a Gujarati name/address/title thingus too! (((: Which they could call me if they bothered. Some Cheryl-beyn or something. (And I'm just spelling it the way it sounds. Hell, i don't even know if Gujarati is romanized. HAHA highly doubt that.) And my brother is "bye".
It's just means elder sister/elder brother/cousin/whatever.

Actually i knew that long ago. Because a long time ago, my aunt tried to ingrain in them like, familial traditions and all that bullshit. And they were quite resistent to that, insolent little brats that they are. =p hahahaha and so she thought doing it the Indian way might do the trick. And so they had two options - Cheryl Che or Cheryl-beyn. And that's when i found out!

They still call me neither anyway. haha not like i care. For a while Mira managed to sustain the Cheryl Che thing but i got so creeped out at her sudden politeness i told her to snap out of it. (: Effectively ruining Aunt's plans at...i don't know, filial piety. or something . MUAHAHAHAAH

OKAY. I love my cousins. End.

There is no point to this post. I just need to remember. Hahaha
And the year end trip to Canada is almost confirmed! YAYness. Now I just need to decide.

and I'm talking gibberish.

Spent the first day of the lunar new year at my Grandma's place. I can't comprehend why people would actually choose to live in ovens decades after the invention of the air-con, or high rise buildings. But anyway, i hate to say this about my extended family, on the first day of the lunar new year no less, but the company was much less bearable. Not that they got on my nerves, but they certainly made for a mind-numbingly boring ten odd hours. I'll be glad when all of this is over. Would not have gotten through it if not for my frantic sms pleas for help and the kind friends who actually bothered to respond - Clara, Henry and Andre. I don't know if they'll ever chance upon this but if you guys see this, THANK YOU, you have saved my life all three of you.

I suppose i must do this the Chinese New Year way, so Gong Xi Fa Cai, Wan Shi Ru Yi all of you! (Do i say bu bu gao sheng. Can you actually do that when you are not an elder? Oh well, scrap that anyway.)

Managed to cheat my relatives of most of the morning by pleading extreme fatigue. Thank goodness i really did fall asleep so late - dozed off at two in the morning in the end - so my mom was zealous in her efforts to excuse me in front of the Too-Many, Too-Foreign relatives. They are a disapproving bunch and they are quick to pounce on their principle fodder for gossip - your impoliteness, your utter lack of social skills, etc, etc. And quite unfortunately, i fall squarely into their favourite parameters for bitching. But i really did fall asleep awhile in the afternoon because it was so fecking hot and dreary so i suppose, i'm not such a bitch about the new year.

While i was awake though, i couldn't really be bothered with small talking with anybody at all. And that actually makes me feel bad - that i was spoilt and brattish enough to not want to mingle and socialise and catch up with relatives and all that crap; "perfect cousin" andre calls me - but i simply couldn't bring myself to do it. And now i am convincing myself it wasn't such a big loss for any of them anyway and that i am really tiresome company (ahaha! Alot of self-persuasion i need there! ....Okay okay, i should also watch my ego). But i know its not actually the content but the attempt and effort to talk and show concern and all that shit that matters in a traditionally cheena chinese family ultimately.

But i don't feel guilty about not wanting to catch up. I figure that if i had a relative that mattered so much to me, i wouldn't have to catch up at Chinese New Year.

(And now i am telling Lis how one of my sole consolations for the day was that there was eyecandy. But how shit shock horror, he happens to be my uncle. That's...That's like, totally wrong man. Thank goodness (And i should probably clarify now that) i don't mean the typical, thirty-, fourty-, fifty- year old sort but bizarrely enough, the 21 year old variety. HEH. My extended family is as weird as it gets. My youngest Aunt is 14 and my youngest uncle, 16. He was my junior at dunman high. Which made things totally weird.)

My friends are amusing.

Me: Nice day ah?
Lis: Yes I am financially empowered

Me: CNY is miserable!
Clara: Who bullied you! Tell me! I'll box the person!
Me: The weather.

LATER:
Clara: So, are you still at the sahara?

Clara: I'm watching happy Potter now! Go watch! So exciting!

(After i complain about how i am positively fossilizing there)
Henry: Gonna go my grandma's house rot later... what you doing?
Me: Rotting. (Such help and consolation yeah!)

Ahahahaha!

And today i find out that Andre has essence of bengness steeped in his soul. HAHA. Could hear him yelling all assortments of vulgarities at his cousin over what sounded like an accusation about him...stealing her twenty cents. AHAHA. So we now know he is the way he is, in whatever context.

I am now spending my night, discussing my Uncle's height - problem, lis - with lis.

Me: He is like, 2m tall
Lis: wow haha. thats tall. tall = good
Me: hahaha that (sort of tall) is a hormone problem.
Me: But yes, nobody needs to know his hormones are a mess. (which in retrospect sounds kind of. wrong-ish. but what the heck, assessing my uncle is wrong from the beginning)
Lis:.....It's a hormone problem!?
Me: HELLO! doesn't "2.00m" sound a tad bit abnormal to you? (people it is okay. This is continental asia)
Lis: He's just got fortunate recessive genes.
Me: He had to take some sort of medicine to stop his spine from like, crumbling. Or something. Becuase of excessive growth.
Lis: are you serious?! omg. but he's hot now! all's well and fair!

I am blogging our convo as it happens. Evidently, the boredom has not worn off. (: HAHA.
Well. Not boredom per se because this is pretty amusing. But the lack of anything productive to do, okay? (:

Arctic Monkeys stuck in my head. =\

Oh fuck.
I'm not being coming one of those angsty anti-holidayists, am i? o.O

I am CAPABLE OF ENJOYING MY FESTIVE DAYS OKAY! I AM.

All i need is willpower. Yes. I must focus, and i must tell myself "holidays do not suck and i am not turning into one of those bitter bitterness-ridden hags."

This is all just temporary. This is all just a bad coincidence - Christmas, New Year, Valentine's Day, Chinese New Year. I like holidays. I love holidays. Its all a matter of coincidence that they all happen to suck very badly.

See. I can be happy. ((((: