Where do I begin to write out this craziness. The first, the tuhg and push back and forth within.

Outside calm, Inside turmoil..

what do you know, the words so true.

August days are coming forth so brightly, Ive fought too hard to get to where I'm at now. Opportunities that I've always wanted are finally knocking on my door, I'm sorry but I really have to go without you.

I still think of you, but I know I've to be stronger. Maybe it's stubborness for you, and another kind too. I'm finally the words stuck, strangling my insides.

I dread the look on your face, I'm afraid I won't be strong enough.

Stupid feelings, random distractions. Never enough, how much I've lost. Time will heal, and hopefully peel away the you Im used to seeing.

Soon, when I'm gone you will be gone from me too. With your own family down the years, I'm already missing you so much.

The words escape me, I can't help it.

I gotta keep moving on baby.

Love you, love me. Going around in circles in my head, you're still so much the shadows in the night. Your face and hers they haunt me, your happiness my misery. But I'm trying to make this feel okay, but everytime I see you I fall apart.

Had a fun time with jk and poonie these few days, it's fun to take your mind of things every now & then.

I just know, maybe when tomorrow comes and I'll be seeing you, it's going to be tougher trying not to reach out to you. I really feel like Feste the clown here, just another puppet in your life.

But I guess I'll never regret loving you.

Gdnights you. Cny this year was really boring, where we stayed at my grandma'a mostly throughout the day. What was prob most worth mentioning is the after visitation outings with my Elder cousins n my mum in their car. Save for a new cute niece now, all was pretty mundane this time.

Anw, not much to write for now cos my stupid internet got cut off n nth was saved.. So pissed lor.

My heart's just too heavy. Uve ignored me for 2 whole days. I guess you're really happy with ur new girl. All the best then, u're my beautiful disaster. I could never hve loved someone as much as I love u.

Hope ure happy, my special you. Goodbye. It's finally a new year, 2009, a new start to many resolutions, goals to better the relations between family n friends, work harder, get more projects.. It's supposedly a gd start to an entire 365 days ahead, n festive cny is just next wk.

but things aren't anywhere near rosy of late.

I know it's stupid of me, selfish in many ways, stu China and the cold here I come. I hope it snows, not dreadfully heavy like in USA and in Canada, that'd definitely be a white and wet winter that no one would want.

It's time to fly away from sunny isle to the CHEENAs. I'm just glad for a getaway, too much poof has been clogging my brains, some fresh air and scenic places would definitely a gd treat.

X'mas is.. today, speaking of. I can imagine the presents being exchanged, the christmas carols that go around the world tonight, the festive mood which brings out the love in every man.. the warmth neath that old christmas tree that seemed once so tall when we were young.. I'll be high up in the skies in the airplane, maybe also the luckiest place to be since heaven is nearer then.. :)

Especially the hug and kiss from your loved one.. aww. Oh wells, but fear not I'm going to make the best out of it, I'm sure I will definitely have a blast there with all the crazy bunch of folks onboard. Fun ride it will be.

" I'll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams.."

Will miss you all, LIV esp I loved caroling that day and the bbq, really glad to have you all back in my life. And to you and you and you whom I've not said, although this has been said many times, and in many ways,

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU!

xoxo, Cheryl. Love while you can.
Had a very gd time meeting dear feli and ah hang! all the crazy things we talked abt, frm our first stayover 9 yrs ago, time sure does fly pass :) im so glad for our bond babes!
Anyway been under a lot of pressure lately, prob e only comfort is in my work. Cant wait for my china trip.. Just wanna get away frm spore for a bit.. And start the yr fresh n gd. Btw, cj peeps charmaine, huihui, celine, we shld meet! Msg me when u see this! In the meantime..

Guess it's time out. some things r hurt. Hate this feeling, the in-between-, what its, the hanging-around by your mobile waiting aimlessly, staring at your photo to sleep. Really.. it sucks. waiting into the wee hours of the night when you said you'd call, but ended up nothing over again. if it's anything i've learnt abt myself, I realise I'm more than being patient. How ever so, Love is the reason.

1st of Nov, besides being two of my friend's bdae- CHERIE and BINGYING HAPPY 20th! You guys finally can hang up the digit 1 and start embracing '2'! Be joining you guys in a while too..

.. yes back to the pt. It's been the start of a shiteous journey. trial, post-breakup whatsoever you may call it. Besides, I've to blame myself for wanting this grace period of which I'm positively sure, will end up the same way anyhow.

Let this be my last effort, for a great special bdae celebration in all my abilities and then gracefully let it be.

More than ever, it is times like this, that I realise my girlfriends are so extremely impt to me, esp my mum. All those who've cared or listened to me during this period, I thank you all. It's not easy for anyone to break up, but yes I agree babe, break ups must always be the decision of our minds over our heart. no matter what. It's time to love myself, since all my efforts have been in vain. Who would've thought that some would deem maturity as a guaranteed tag with age. Apparently not, believe me so.

Enough of feeling weepy and allowing my life to be sucked away, like what you always say life is still ahead of me, it's you i'm more worried about.

Simple reason. You're afraid of the 'C' word. Loads of it. Compromise, Committment, Consideration.

Am I callous or were you the careless one?

Happy memories and all will definitely stay, but I guess it's probably time to let go because both must fight for it to say. And hopefully we both will learn from this in our own ways. Twentyeight years or not, age is nothing more than a figure. Actions, speak loudest.

I wish you happiness, really. I'm just sad you fail to see how much you meant to me.

***

things are looking up for me in the music arena, baby steps.. I'm appreciative already. Can't wait to work hard :)

The final weekend is here.. God I leave it all to you.

Jia you everyone studying for exams, the hols are just after this last hurdle yea? :) then i can disturb all of you to go out and catch up! miss you all folks!

be off now.
luv xoxo