i dont want to carry on living without having a clear thought of what i want.



there is something that i wouldnt say face to face. because it would affect our friendship. speaking of strongest man, am i the strongest man you seen?

no one likes to get mark down. but then, being mark down is the only way to strive harder. to see a growth.

it's this indescribable sorrow that happens out of nowhere and just disappear, like that. you don't feel like doing nothing, i don't feel like sleeping. i feel that, some things aren't worth it.

i couldn't promise anything because i couldn't give anything. i'm just being self-centered.

all things left, was just settlement of the past.


i'm beginning to love my blog more than my twitter.

it's dead as it suppose to be. am on a hiatus for now. busy with FYP for now. 3 more weeks to go. hope things goes well!

days had passed but i had not done anything meaningful. history will repeat.

words are no longer just words when they express emotions.

This moon is a beauty. Some people dont understand it, neither do I. Sometime, you just feel this way.
The moon shine so bright.
The moon stays up high.
The moon is so shiny that i couldnt sleep, due to the fact that my bed is near the windows.
So much beauty that words can't be used to describe it. Im lost for words.
Typing from itouch is hard but I just have to note this excitement of mine. Because, I might have the chances again, to lie here looking at the moon. I meant that I might not be able to be so lucky everytime!

Alright. I shall try to sleep. It's getting real late and I'm off to fish later!!

went out to meet my neopets friend yesterday. and i brought my gf along! we wanted to meet at AMK Hub but she drove instead! so we sat her car and we went to Serangoon Gardens! we wanted to eat at Astons but we couldnt find it. as we're on budget so we settle for MoS. it stands for Ministry of Steak. it feels like Astons tho i had been to Astons but didnt really ate the food before. so i cant really compare, food at MoS was alright.

we went to a mall nearby, no idea what it's called. but it had a nice garden on it! we explored around. it is only 2 storeys!


am glad that my gf could click with her. afterall, girls are jealousy pot. they do get jealous if i meet up with them too often. so it's pretty safe to let them know whom i am going out with.

shared whatever i had in my mind with you. i dont know what to mention expect that i got a very sweet gf! and my life is happy for now!

why are you so sweet to me. i scare i cant take it and faint in excitement. =x

i cried badly, real badly after i saw my childhood photos. i realise that we had been too concern with our friends, our lovers and we had been neglecting those that always had been closest for us no matter what.


for this, i cried real badly. thinking how have we mature and how my parents age and realise that throughout this period. we seldom had been taking photos. i had lived for 20 years old.

i had promised myself lots of things, and lots of them revolves around my parents.

let the music blast! for some weird reasons, i wanna be drown in rap songs. i need to feel my skins tremble when he raps.

i need a job. i'm poor thus i dont go out. but lucky, i got someone to accompany me!

like what they always said, if the old one dont go. the new one never come.


life had been pretty great and i'm now on my holidays. which means i have no jobs and no income which is a rot at home day!

i'm just a poor guy. it's nice when we could meet and not everyday because we both might get used to it which isnt a good thing. meanwhile, ♥

would i treat you always the same after years? no, it's my harsh answer.



i will update about DIDM chalet soon!

you put away your past when you found someone new. i think i found one through she is kind of silly. haha.

my words are very harsh. so harsh that it made me lost a friend, but my words are the sad reality of life. the reality which everyone hates to admit it. the reality which everyone runs from it. the fear of losing friends and appearing nasty infront of everyone makes people scare from revealing their true selves.

at here, for some reasons and moodswings. i being telling her what the world is trying to hide from her. the reality of life. and just like things normally do, they backfires and got worst. but i guess, i did my part as a friend? i really did, because if such things just carry on, it isnt us that gonna suffer. it's herself that gonna suffer.

for such harsh words of mine, a good friend is gone.
i had so much more to explain but i had no more mood to blog about it.

this shall mark a day and experience that sometime, the harsh truth shouldnt be said.


sorry V.

i cant help to post only the sad stuff. i have many happy stuff but i only post the sad stuff. the things that made me feel the most



like just now when i was returning home. i saw her sister. i was shocked and panicked. i walked slowly so that i dont catch her eyes. i walked till LRT platform. i dont know why, i looked at her from a distance away to see if she is meeting her. i was so eager to see her. oh well. i realise she isnt there. i dont know what i feel. i just feel kind of sad that i started browsing all the memories with her. oh well, if it hurts, then it doesnt make a difference to make it worse.

i thought i could forgot but i realise i cant. time have to just pass for me to really get used to it.

it's the CNY eve and yet, i dont have the mood for CNY. i dont know why but the mood of collecting ang baos doesn't thrill me. i don't know but i'm pretty dull though everyone is so hype for CNY.




sometime, i think it's better to be single. i think, why i feel so terrible at times, is that i'm too used with a person with me. unless my secondary school days where i'm perfectly fine being alone. i need to change my thinking soon, that single is good. i should really get back my secondary school's mindset. that single is the best. the more i look, the worse i feel.


~~~


it's time for gamble! huat ar!

sometime you shouldn't think about how things work. because you get vexed in the very end realizing things just happen the way they do.

dang! i'm too screwed to live in this world. the ability to think hinder me at times. i dwell too deep within.

what they heard and i shall listen. for i had witness how things come true due to their words.


anyway, had my FYP presentation today. hope it turns out good. i dont want to retain another sem again! and CNY is coming! gamble! take ang bao! dont know what else!




if what they said is true, then your parents must had really hated me.

had a KTV session with my poly cliques. i got to admit, it was one of the best experience for me. considering the facts that i dont really sing. the number of times i had joined for a KTV session, i think its lesser than 2 of my hands combine. and it's pretty cheap! 4 dollars for around 5hours? it's very worthy for money! it's at marsiling community club! it's locate inside. you have to find your way in.


anyway, all the songs are all emo songs. and many of the songs that others picked also had emo lyrics! crap, i at points, my tears is coming out. because the lyrics is so true about me. but i stopped myself from crying.i dont wanna cry my lungs out in public areas. i rather i do that alone in my room with no one looking.

sorry, but the KTV had been a fun and emo session. of cause i love the singing!

天平不是因为寂寞才会爱上一个人，天平是因为爱上一个人才寂寞！

我们即然是天秤，太懂得去分析事情的轻与重，善与恶，真与假了。所以说对于本身也是一种负罪吧。因为都看透了。对于真不真心，懂的人自然了解，不懂的人也不想再多说，

天平的朋友受到伤害和委屈了，天平总是第一时间出现在朋友旁边安慰和关心朋友，给朋友以最大的鼓励，但是当天平受伤时却很少得到这样的待遇

and so again, i'm reading libra horoscope and of cause many things it's true. the ways i treat my ex, the things i sacrifice for friends. of cause it's true, since it boil that only that handful of person would know me well. sad to say, it still remain as a handful and i dont really share much things. =/

actually, i think i'm putting you at the back of my head as the time goes. but the image of you just re-ignite the love in me. so strong that i could hardly sleep and thinks about the redundant.




i dont know why but i had been reading libra horoscope and i realise it's very true.
many many things i could really relate back to the things i do.

#libra people are soft-hearted. They appear cold-hearted when hurt, but they're not and never will be.
like this, when i broke up with her, i stand firm on my ground till i reached home. and every inch of sadness just came into me.

For us, feelings go deep and true. #libra therefore take an awfully long time to recover from hurt.
which explain now.

"I promise you, you're not alone" is what a #libra guy would say, and why a libra gal would be touched.
i realise i always tell people this which is the truth because i do feel the way they do.

Don't be on the bad side of a #libra. You get tortured by witty yet sarcastic comments that you can't retaliate.
i do that most of the time.

A #libra dislikes violence and injustice, but likes happy endings though they know they don't always happen.
most of the time it doesn't end up good.

Sometimes when you see the name of the person you haven't got over, your heart rate increases fast. Then it sinks painfully.
dang dang! sinks deep down to the bottom of my toes.



at least now, my cause of twitter wasnt just(then, till she delete me) following her update but also libra horoscope! i'm not really a fan of it but dang, many things just seem so true.

rule 101. if you want to get a girl, target her bestfriends.


i think it's pretty true either it? i dont know but i do feel it's true. i saw people using this trick and it worked. so i suppose it's real ba. like be on close term with them.

stop thinking if she ever will see this blog. she wouldnt do that anymore. you're like a scum in her life. so just stay back and look at her from a distance. dont ever think of getting her back.

dreams do come true. why i said that? because my dream really came true. ok, back then i actually had a dream of her which is kind of frequent. my dream was also to see her for 1 time and it really did. i think the reason why, the only explaining i could find is that i miss her. not i wanna say it but because last time, while we were still together. i dont dream of her because i see her everyday as compare to now, i dont really see her which is why i dream of her.

anyway, the following day i saw her in the interchange. at first, i saw the back view of a person that really looked like her. my sixth sense is telling me that this person there is very important because i kept looking back at her. as we're quite far away, i was queuing up for 161 while she sat on the chairs. we were back facing each other. i dont know why, but something in me just kept me turning around to look at her.
i was actually 'thinking' if it is her. i looked at her bag, looked at her backview to see if anything reminds me of her view while we're still together.

to be honest, i had not really seem her back-view till we parted. then i actually thought it was really her. then i text my friend saying i think it's her! well, because i walked to inter together and they know each other so ya.

i always tell myself, whenever i see her i should go up and say hello! i mean afterall, i still consider myself as a friend to her but i know she dont. but then the weird thing is, i cannot move or do anything. i'm very nervous about what happen. i couldnt think straight. i was sweating. it's like doing something wrong for the first time.

i didnt do anything but just kept looking back at this back-view. till then the bus came. i was struggling, to board or not. because i wanted to see her more. i followed the crowd and board the train. as the bus turn, i saw her. i admit, i'm very happy. because it's her.



i could feel the sorrow still. i shall stop here. my mind is too screw to even think.

sometime i wonder, if i just die one day. would anyone notice about my absence? or do they need someone to tell them that i had passed away then they would know. if no one were to tell them that i had passed away, would anyone attend my funeral? i don't know, would any of my friends know? would my poly friends notice my absence in school? i bet my sec school friends wouldn't even know about it due to the facts that we dont really contact each others unless major things happened or they needed my help. i'm just being honest here.

你以为最酸的感觉莫过于吃醋，不是的，最酸的感觉是你无权吃醋。 i got no rights. =/

it's like a addiction. it's like a itch, taking over me pieces at a time. sooner or later, this will devour me. and i will lose track of whom i'm and how beautiful everyone is.

then after all this months, i realise i'm blinded by own ideas that i overlook the truth. the truth that i was the one calling the shots.

i'm thankful for having a blog at times because it's the area where i can write what i want and not troubling others for having to see what i wrote or what i feel like.


吳克群 - 愛太痛

i saw this from the youtube comments.

"真的太痛了, 過了五年行屍走肉的生活, 好不容易恢復點人性.卻無意間又得知她的消息, 好痛, 好痛, 我第一次哭了"

if you really want someone that much, start from her best friends. at least that is what he is doing.

1) What would you do if you had never met this person? never think of that before
2) Do you like him/her? you ask him lor
3) Would you go to Disney World with this person? yes ! but taiwan first, right?


took from someone whom really meant a lot to me.

it's not that people don't understand me. it's just that i don't open up that easily and most of the time, i ain't worth that effort to understand. =)

i like Hitch. it kinds of reflect what i feel now especially the last part i think it's because i just finished watching it so i kind of feel for it as i was in that situation. in the ending where Hitch rejected Sara when she came over to patch up. then Hitch wanted to get Sara back but it's too late. and ya, it's reflect very much on what i'm going though then.

i mean like, it's really too late now. given the fact that she had a bf now and is currently living happily. and i knew this would never really pass. because i choose not to let it go. you know, the more people know, the more responsibilities they have. i have responsibilities because i knew things that no one knew and i did not share thus i'm in current state. for people assume and judge on what they want to hear and know only. they do not seek the truth but seek only temporary comfort on what they assume.



Albert: You know, honestly, I never knew I could feel like this. You know? I swear I'm going out of my mind. It's like I want to throw myself off of every building in New York. I see a cab and I just wanna dive in front of it because then I'll stop thinking about her.
Hitch: Look, you will. Just give it time.
Albert: That's just it. I don't want to. I mean, I've waited my whole life to feel this miserable. I mean, and if this is the only way I can stay connected with her, then... well, this is who I have to be.

Hitch: Because that's what people do. They leap, and hope to God they can fly, because otherwise you just drop like a rock, wondering the whole way down "Why in the hell did I jump?" But here I am, Sarah, falling, and the only one that makes me feel like I can fly is you.

Hitch: Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away.

Albert: You know what it’s like getting up every morning? Feeling hopeless, feeling like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man. But, at the same time hoping that she still finds happiness, even if it’s never going to be with you.

i just dont know why i kept dreaming and dreaming again. =/

i don't know but i keep dreaming of you whenever i see your things! it's freaky because it have never happen before! and it kept repeating time after time. i wanna grad fast and fulfill his promise so that i could do what i want.

for what is meant to be, would be.


i realise most of my post are about you and revolves around you only.
i need to find more things to do for my FYP! but i dont know what to add already, i need to have more contribution so that i can pass my FYP, for once!

my mum misplaced the box in which contains the things from my ex. i'm so paranoid right now. i cant seem to find the box in my room. inside contain the photos that we used to take and presents that she got me. i dont want it to be lost! inside contain my memories. the only left memories of us.

there are many times that i felt like crying and times that i enjoyed being alone then i realise two is better than one. somehow, i cant cry but i could only feel the sadness. how i wish i could cry so i wouldnt be this sad everyday.

the reason why i wasn't late in the past is very simple. i had my (then)gf to morning call me everyday which explains why i'm often late for school as we're no longer together.

she must means a lot to you.

"baby love was with me for day 1 and day 2 at night =)"
sad sad truth.

i wanna start afresh but everyone know chances shouldn't be taken for granted.

times flew and i had yet to forget the thoughts about you. i really miss you so much that i often dreamt of you which is very uncommon for me. i just cant seem to forget you.

sometime, i stopped blogging about you. it's not that i have stop thinking about you. it's just that you have already become a part of it and no matter what i do, the truth remains the truth. so i stopped blogging about you.

i still miss you but it's kind of redundant telling how much i miss you for the whole world knew it by heart.

张惠妹 - 记得
谁还记得是谁先说永远的爱我

i just dont want to forget you.