i'm lucky for i had my neighbour. he called me to tag along for 2011 countdown. if not i would be alone at home doing nothing. the reason is that last time, i had my then gf with me to pass the time together.
but now, i'm alone and i'm thankful for him, for asking me along.


i want 2011 to be a better year!

Summary of 2010.


broke up with my gf that last 2 years and 1 month plus.
despair after she got a bf.
got closer with DIDM clique.
passed my TP after 3rd tries.
went to Vietnam for Service Learning, found my purpose there.
exercising after quite sometime.
understand more theories in life.
trying to become a better friend and boyfriend.


today is 31 Dec 2010. the day before a new year.


this year had been a pretty rough for me. considering the fact that i had broke up with my gf for good. being a very emotional person, the feeling still lingers. =/
despite how sad i'm at times. memories are there for a reason.

i need a new haircut, can anyone suggest me some good haircut suitable for me?



(Vietnam Trip)

as address to the issue yesterday, i had hereby verify on what i thought it was. and it turns out to be true.

of cause i felt sad. i walk home with a heavy heavy heart. my legs are heavy and the atmosphere around me suddenly seem very dull. it was a long long bus ride home thinking what i should do. i dont know whether what i did was OK or not. but i just went ahead with the ideas. i wrote a list of her stuffs she liked or dislike. i find it kind of cool and sweet. i might just do small notes next time so that i would remember the small things in life.


and my parents are at Genting right now. the reason why i didnt tag along is that i have to complete my FYP filming and thankfully, i managed to complete it by today. so it was kind of good. but sad, when you have the whole house to yourself. it seem so dead especially when the kids arent around anymore.well, they had all grown up and went back to their respective mothers.

looking back, it's been 3 years plus. 3 years plus looking after the kids. in which i got into a r/s then out of a r/s. many things could just happened.


i also realise that whatever i type here, sometime dont make sense. i just type whatever pop out in my head which then, most of it doesnt make sense.

shocking, i had 46 page views in a day! it's like a record and i'm very shocked. but at the same time enjoys the sudden 'popularity' grow.

i should prolly start to work out! i had been storing fats for 20 years. it's time to make use of them soon!

i think i might just cry myself to sleep =(

i just saw my ex and the guy that she had then been telling me's photo. omg, my heart suddenly sink so low that i felt a shock. i'm in deep despair right now and i dont know what to do. and this is why curiosity kills the cat and it's really killing me. looking at how your ex get together with another guy.


yes yes yes, i know we're no longer together and i should have no concern over her matters. but then, i dont know why. i felt this way, i really dont know why =(



is it that i still love her? for no ways of affection would make a man like me feel so badly.

if i ever have your private blog, i swear that i would read every single post of it!

i felt jealous when i saw my bro having so many presents. =/

i realise, a part of me would never let you go. it just kept coming back. thinking back how we had changed. i had then remembered, that you said you didnt like long hair and like it short. but now, your hair is pretty long, is it a sign that it's really over?

i dont know what i'm saying. or perhaps i'm just finding reasons to make me feel better, to convince myself that it's really over.


i'm back from vietnam trip. i would prolly update it soon!




if only i would told him that you're the one for me. and i want to have you for the rest of my life. i dont know whether to regret or not even tho i said studies first.



i'm very lost! for the thoughts of you had never left my mind.

i miss you still, for the thoughts of you have yet to leave my mind.

ytd night went out for a drink to celebrate a friend's birthday, we were playing dices at serangoon area. after that, we went to kovan to eat techow porridge. then when i was on the cab home, i suddenly felt weird. when i reached my level, i vomitted over the railing. and everything just falls to the ground. my neighbour said, if anyone walks pass it, then it's good luck.hahah

i had a dream, i dreamt of my ex (again) and my fyp.


the dream about my ex was that we were again, at a awkward point. we are in a hall near my house and we both sat at different places but it's clear that i kept looking at her. and after that i sat on the bench at the side. then i was playing with some kids when suddenly she came towards me and sat down next to me. we were talking and she was looking at the kids too. then after that we started talking but it seem very awkward.

the one about my fyp was that i was late, then i took some random bus then i realise, i forget to take my fyp tripod along. then i stopped then rush to the opposite to take the bus back. i realise all my friends followed me, then we were waiting for the bus together.then i saw this girl approaching us and talking with us. she said she lived around the area. after few hours, the bus have yet to come. i was very worried.


i realise this girl in my dream was the girl i saw during my bus ride. she seem quite cute!

dreams happen might be due to what you really matter to you in reality or what you like.

i'm immature in the affairs of heart.

then we would look back in time, laughing at how childish we were.



i love you but it doesnt mean we would need to get together. who said that being in love means that they should get together. it's like you love a field of grass, you love it yet you dont owe it.
the things that you couldnt get, is often the best things.

i realise, it's best to just let it go at times, for its a beauty too. this fate that made us last till now(then) is not easy. and i'm thankful for throughout these years, i had you.
for as long as she is happy and safe, i'm happy with it.


i shall stop being sad and be happy!
有一种感情叫无缘，有一种放弃叫成全
gook luck to you and him!

i never thought that i had any more to give
pushing me so far here i am without you
drink to all that we have lost, mistakes that we have made
everything will change, love remains the same.


Gavin Rossdale - Love Remains The Same

had been playing badminton recently. i realise, i have not been putting in more efforts! how do you slim down when you do not put in effort or even do extras! many things, we must do ourselves instead of waiting for others to tell us what to do!

and i shall play harder! run faster! love harder!

A Rocket To The Moon - Like We Used To

Does he watch your favorite movies
Does he hold you when you cry

Will he love you like I loved you
Will he tell you everyday
Will he make you feel like you're invincible with every word he'll say
Can you promise me if this one's right
Don't throw it all away
Can you do all these things
Will you do all these things like we used to
Oh, like we used to

its those beautiful eyes and smile of your that caught me in this deep spiral.


"Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it" ♥- Thomas Fuller

i realise my blog are pretty dead. like i post about how much i miss my ex and the things we used to do. i realise, we often forget about how many happy things happen as well. not just the sad things. i shall make it to a point that i should blog about happy stuff as well. my life is not always so sad, it's just that i'm portraying the emotional side of me.

And this will be the first time in a week
That I'll talk to you
"And I can't speak
It's been three whole days since I've had sleep
Because I dream of his lips on your cheek
And I got the point that I should leave you alone
But we both know that I'm not that strong"



Mayday Parade - Miserable At Best

i miss my A.ABURDEN

I never had a dream come true
Till that day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where love takes me to
A part of me will always be with you



miss you.

i'm glad that i have things to do on your birthday. so i wouldnt be sad thinking that i wouldnt be able to celebrate your birthday anymore and thinking about someone would be there, celebrating with you. i think too much.

doubt you ever know how much you mean to me still.

i think, if i ever heard that you have a new bf. i would act as nothing as being told. then cry my lungs out when i'm home. i'm a very emotional guy. i hide them well but they just get over me when i'm in my room.


i think i'm useless for not having any dreams, or even the possibility to create a future with you. i'm sorry for being useless. but i do know that, even without dreams. i would work my ass off just to make ends meet for my family. why? because, throughout the years, i had seem my dad doing so, working his ass off just for the family. and i want to be like him, for whatever hardship i take, i would have to make ends meet for my family. for my family are my one and only.


And I miss the lips that made me fly.

went for a overnight cycling again, from ecp to changi to pasir ris to tampines to bedok to kembangan and back to ecp. it was a long long way, but i managed to pull it enough, it's tired but it could been worse.


And I got the point that I should leave you alone
But we both know that I'm not that strong

happy 20th birthday my love, i still do love and misses you.

it is your birthday, i'm sad and emo because i couldnt have the chance to celebrate with you every years. i still remembered how we celebrate both our birthdays while we were still together.


time is running short on me.i'm running short on time. i dont have much time till army starts and i wouldnt have the time to chase you back. because i know, why my army starts. i wouldnt even have the time to hear from you or scout for your information.
i dont want it to be like that. i still want to care for you like no one ever did.

but then i realise, if i let my time past. very fast, army will catch up on me. and the idea of having you back would seem even more further.


this wouldnt be what i want. and i want to chase you back. but i dont know how. people around me asked to look around but i refuse to. it's just that i dont not wish to. like what i read, i'm a type of guy that would only cherish after i lost it as claimed by horoscope. and i had learned it the hard way.



i'm real scare, because when my time runs out. i know me and you, it's impossible anymore. bear with me, i dont have much time left. and i do not wish to move on.

or i should start to believe in, "what meant to be, would be."

你是一個失去以後就會覺得後悔的類型的人，所以你最唸唸不忘的人不是別人，是最近的失去的人。例如上一個戀人，你會因為失去而懊惱不已，但凡是因為你自己的原因而失去的人，你就會一直記挂著他們，卻忽略了在你身邊的人。經常會顧此失彼，你是在交往和分開的時候沒有想到，分開後才知道自己多麼在乎的人.



这时的天平满脑子就是想如何做到最好, 让你觉得自己是世界上最幸福的人。和天平恋爱过的人应该都知道这一点吧，刚和天平恋爱时的感觉简直太完美了，一些只有在电影和小说里面出现的情景会经常出现在你们身上，你会感觉现在的你真的就是世界上最幸福的人。这时的天平只要每天能看到深爱的人开心一笑就算付出在大的代价也愿意！由于刚恋爱时的天平表现的太完美了，以至于对方已经习惯了天平的这种完美表现，这在对方的心理已经是对天平的一种标准，所以天平只要稍稍表现的不够以前好，对方就会不习惯，就会觉得天平不爱她了！可是，这个世界上谁也不可能永远都做的这么好，天平也不能，虽然这时天平依然深爱着对方！对方的抱怨让天平觉得自己很委屈，自己付出了那么多对方却还不满足，还说自己不够好，所以天平就会觉得自己的付出不值得，到最后当然就只剩下分手！


所以很多天平宁愿选择放弃(其实天平在对方心目中天平已经很好了，只是当天平深爱一个人时鲜前昱＝羌？。但是放弃不等于不爱。天平对自己深爱的人是一辈子都不会忘的。放弃对天平来说另一种爱，天平会永远把深爱的人深深埋在心里的某个角落默默的为对方祈祷祝福！天平不是因为寂寞才会爱上一个人，天平是因为爱上一个人才寂寞！



天平对于自己内心真正的想法很少> 对人倾诉，因为天平深知沉默才能坚强。所以，除了天平自己之外没有人能真正了解天平，除非你来生有幸作为一个天平时用生命来体会一次。。。。。。不管是谁对谁错，一切的过错都由天平背负着，任由人们误会，任由人们无端的指责甚至漫骂，天平只是轻描淡写的一笑而过，在人前永远保持着优雅的微笑。一切是命中注定，无需多言，我们即然是天秤，太懂得去分析事情的轻与重，善与恶，真与假了。所以说对于本身也是一种负罪吧



朋友'二字对于天平有多重要是一般人不能理解的。这么说吧，天平把友情看的重要。因为天平是一个特别害怕孤独的星座，天平不会享受孤独。每个天平都有轻微的抑郁症，孤独就是诱发天平抑郁症的罪魁祸首！而抑郁症的最大特点就是厌世，这绝不是危言耸听，孤独就是能让天平产生厌世的感觉。天平是活在人群中的人，只有在人群中天平才能找到自我的位置发挥自我的价值。所以天平总是希望自己的朋友多些在多些。对于自己不喜欢的人，天平虽不愿把他当做朋友但还是希望对方能把自己当成朋友，但凡是天平认识的人天平绝不会轻易得罪。为了维持这种和谐的关系，天平不的不圆滑一点虚伪一点，见人说人话见鬼说鬼话。其实天平真的很累的。绝大多数的时候，天平的朋友受到伤害和委屈了，天平总是第一时间出现在朋友旁边安慰和关心朋友，给朋友以最大的鼓励，但是当天平受伤时却很少得到这样的待遇。换句话说，天平的朋友看上去虽然很多，但是知心朋友却很少，能了解天平内心的更始微乎其微。天平对每个朋友都很好，而且都是一样的好，以至于大家都不知道天平对谁是真心真意对谁是虚情假意。天平一生都致力于创造一个自己心目中理想的和谐的美丽新世界，在那个世界中没有明争暗斗，没有尔虞我诈，大家都是好朋友，所有人都互相关心，互相照顾。总之，天平对朋友是最无私的，宁愿天下人负我，我不负天下人是天平对于与朋友关系的最好的一句话概括。如果你有朋友是天平的话，那么你应该感到幸运！


http://apps.facebook.com/pt-carpekyx/

it's too true.

i always told you to bath early, then i realise. after you're gone, i'm bathing at your regular timing. then i thought of you, do you miss me when you do the things that we both used to do together?

i do. i asked myself, if it's my sub-conscious that making me thinks of you. or it's just plainly, coincidence.

i see myself in your shadows everywhere i do. doing the things you used to do. was it to remind me of you? or it was just pure coincidence.

they say there isnt coincidence just choices.




have you ever wondered how somone that is in a long r/s could get another girl/boy at a short time. is it that before that, they had already found someone? or is it that, they couldnt withstand the loneliness in them that they wanted to find someone as a sustritube. yes, it is a sad thing for the another half, but sometime. it makes people real selfish. you no longer wanna give in.



you said you would miss me time to time and yet, it doesnt mean we need to get together. it's true. since we would know how the story would ends, unless you would have a leap of faith and believe in us. which i doubt so =/

我知道你想逃避 不想問不想听
這段感情 已經快要暫停
聽我說 從今後 我會一個人生活
沒有我的時候 你要一個人好好過

then i realise, i'm actually not so 伟大.

i suddenly remember that i said, if you found someone better than me, you can forget about me and stick with him.


i didnt knew it was so hard letting someone go.
till now, i still misses you time to time. i dont know if you ever did. but i would want to let you know, i miss you lots of time.

this would be my endless ranting of how much i miss my ex. it's ok not to read if this wouldnt interest you.






i know we're done but i cant help not to browse though the pictures. few days back, i came across a picture of someone holding you. i get sad, real sad that you're no longer mine. i couldnt know what to feel. my mood just died off, i couldnt do anything or even want to do anything. i know, that guy is your good friend. but i dont know, why i feel like that? i really dont know nor i could find a answer for it. i felt really really sad.


but i know, you have really move on. i dont know why i couldnt. a very big part of me is trying not to move on. i know tha too. but i cant help to realise that you have already move on, beyond this phrase.

and your birthday is coming, i dont know what to do. should i make something for you? like what i always do for your birthday, or just a text. i dont know, i'm thick skin but deep down, i'm still scare of rejection. i'm just scare that you wouldnt even bother to care about me. i cant help to think that if i ever make you a present, what if, you just threw it away infront of me. what if, i'm very sad. i dont know what to do.


i really cant help, not to look at your pictures or recall our past. the past, which you had moved on only. you thought that by removing contracts with me would actually works. for it just makes me misses you more and it make me more certain. certain that it wouldnt be a worthless fight.





a part of me wants you back and a part of me wants you to look for the best. i really dont know what to do at times. to let you go so as to find someone than me, someone that cherish me more, someone whom can make you happy, give you happiness. makes you real happy.

i might just blog again, when i'm feeling better or more sadness in me. =/