i'm lucky for i had my neighbour. he called me to tag along for 2011 countdown. if not i would be alone at home doing nothing. the reason is that last time, i had my then gf with me to pass the time together.
but now, i'm alone and i'm thankful for him, for asking me along.


i want 2011 to be a better year!

Summary of 2010.


broke up with my gf that last 2 years and 1 month plus.
despair after she got a bf.
got closer with DIDM clique.
passed my TP after 3rd tries.
went to Vietnam for Service Learning, found my purpose there.
exercising after quite sometime.
understand more theories in life.
trying to become a better friend and boyfriend.


today is 31 Dec 2010. the day before a new year.


this year had been a pretty rough for me. considering the fact that i had broke up with my gf for good. being a very emotional person, the feeling still lingers. =/
despite how sad i'm at times. memories are there for a reason.

i need a new haircut, can anyone suggest me some good haircut suitable for me?



(Vietnam Trip)

as address to the issue yesterday, i had hereby verify on what i thought it was. and it turns out to be true.

of cause i felt sad. i walk home with a heavy heavy heart. my legs are heavy and the atmosphere around me suddenly seem very dull. it was a long long bus ride home thinking what i should do. i dont know whether what i did was OK or not. but i just went ahead with the ideas. i wrote a list of her stuffs she liked or dislike. i find it kind of cool and sweet. i might just do small notes next time so that i would remember the small things in life.


and my parents are at Genting right now. the reason why i didnt tag along is that i have to complete my FYP filming and thankfully, i managed to complete it by today. so it was kind of good. but sad, when you have the whole house to yourself. it seem so dead especially when the kids arent around anymore.well, they had all grown up and went back to their respective mothers.

looking back, it's been 3 years plus. 3 years plus looking after the kids. in which i got into a r/s then out of a r/s. many things could just happened.


i also realise that whatever i type here, sometime dont make sense. i just type whatever pop out in my head which then, most of it doesnt make sense.

shocking, i had 46 page views in a day! it's like a record and i'm very shocked. but at the same time enjoys the sudden 'popularity' grow.

i should prolly start to work out! i had been storing fats for 20 years. it's time to make use of them soon!

i think i might just cry myself to sleep =(

i just saw my ex and the guy that she had then been telling me's photo. omg, my heart suddenly sink so low that i felt a shock. i'm in deep despair right now and i dont know what to do. and this is why curiosity kills the cat and it's really killing me. looking at how your ex get together with another guy.


yes yes yes, i know we're no longer together and i should have no concern over her matters. but then, i dont know why. i felt this way, i really dont know why =(



is it that i still love her? for no ways of affection would make a man like me feel so badly.

if i ever have your private blog, i swear that i would read every single post of it!

i felt jealous when i saw my bro having so many presents. =/

i realise, a part of me would never let you go. it just kept coming back. thinking back how we had changed. i had then remembered, that you said you didnt like long hair and like it short. but now, your hair is pretty long, is it a sign that it's really over?

i dont know what i'm saying. or perhaps i'm just finding reasons to make me feel better, to convince myself that it's really over.


i'm back from vietnam trip. i would prolly update it soon!




if only i would told him that you're the one for me. and i want to have you for the rest of my life. i dont know whether to regret or not even tho i said studies first.



i'm very lost! for the thoughts of you had never left my mind.

i miss you still, for the thoughts of you have yet to leave my mind.

ytd night went out for a drink to celebrate a friend's birthday, we were playing dices at serangoon area. after that, we went to kovan to eat techow porridge. then when i was on the cab home, i suddenly felt weird. when i reached my level, i vomitted over the railing. and everything just falls to the ground. my neighbour said, if anyone walks pass it, then it's good luck.hahah

i had a dream, i dreamt of my ex (again) and my fyp.


the dream about my ex was that we were again, at a awkward point. we are in a hall near my house and we both sat at different places but it's clear that i kept looking at her. and after that i sat on the bench at the side. then i was playing with some kids when suddenly she came towards me and sat down next to me. we were talking and she was looking at the kids too. then after that we started talking but it seem very awkward.

the one about my fyp was that i was late, then i took some random bus then i realise, i forget to take my fyp tripod along. then i stopped then rush to the opposite to take the bus back. i realise all my friends followed me, then we were waiting for the bus together.then i saw this girl approaching us and talking with us. she said she lived around the area. after few hours, the bus have yet to come. i was very worried.


i realise this girl in my dream was the girl i saw during my bus ride. she seem quite cute!

dreams happen might be due to what you really matter to you in reality or what you like.

i'm immature in the affairs of heart.

then we would look back in time, laughing at how childish we were.



i love you but it doesnt mean we would need to get together. who said that being in love means that they should get together. it's like you love a field of grass, you love it yet you dont owe it.
the things that you couldnt get, is often the best things.

i realise, it's best to just let it go at times, for its a beauty too. this fate that made us last till now(then) is not easy. and i'm thankful for throughout these years, i had you.
for as long as she is happy and safe, i'm happy with it.


i shall stop being sad and be happy!
有一种感情叫无缘，有一种放弃叫成全
gook luck to you and him!

i never thought that i had any more to give
pushing me so far here i am without you
drink to all that we have lost, mistakes that we have made
everything will change, love remains the same.


Gavin Rossdale - Love Remains The Same

had been playing badminton recently. i realise, i have not been putting in more efforts! how do you slim down when you do not put in effort or even do extras! many things, we must do ourselves instead of waiting for others to tell us what to do!

and i shall play harder! run faster! love harder!

A Rocket To The Moon - Like We Used To

Does he watch your favorite movies
Does he hold you when you cry

Will he love you like I loved you
Will he tell you everyday
Will he make you feel like you're invincible with every word he'll say
Can you promise me if this one's right
Don't throw it all away
Can you do all these things
Will you do all these things like we used to
Oh, like we used to

its those beautiful eyes and smile of your that caught me in this deep spiral.


"Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it" ♥- Thomas Fuller

i realise my blog are pretty dead. like i post about how much i miss my ex and the things we used to do. i realise, we often forget about how many happy things happen as well. not just the sad things. i shall make it to a point that i should blog about happy stuff as well. my life is not always so sad, it's just that i'm portraying the emotional side of me.

And this will be the first time in a week
That I'll talk to you
"And I can't speak
It's been three whole days since I've had sleep
Because I dream of his lips on your cheek
And I got the point that I should leave you alone
But we both know that I'm not that strong"



Mayday Parade - Miserable At Best

i miss my A.ABURDEN

I never had a dream come true
Till that day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where love takes me to
A part of me will always be with you



miss you.

i'm glad that i have things to do on your birthday. so i wouldnt be sad thinking that i wouldnt be able to celebrate your birthday anymore and thinking about someone would be there, celebrating with you. i think too much.

doubt you ever know how much you mean to me still.

i think, if i ever heard that you have a new bf. i would act as nothing as being told. then cry my lungs out when i'm home. i'm a very emotional guy. i hide them well but they just get over me when i'm in my room.


i think i'm useless for not having any dreams, or even the possibility to create a future with you. i'm sorry for being useless. but i do know that, even without dreams. i would work my ass off just to make ends meet for my family. why? because, throughout the years, i had seem my dad doing so, working his ass off just for the family. and i want to be like him, for whatever hardship i take, i would have to make ends meet for my family. for my family are my one and only.


And I miss the lips that made me fly.

went for a overnight cycling again, from ecp to changi to pasir ris to tampines to bedok to kembangan and back to ecp. it was a long long way, but i managed to pull it enough, it's tired but it could been worse.


And I got the point that I should leave you alone
But we both know that I'm not that strong

happy 20th birthday my love, i still do love and misses you.

it is your birthday, i'm sad and emo because i couldnt have the chance to celebrate with you every years. i still remembered how we celebrate both our birthdays while we were still together.


time is running short on me.i'm running short on time. i dont have much time till army starts and i wouldnt have the time to chase you back. because i know, why my army starts. i wouldnt even have the time to hear from you or scout for your information.
i dont want it to be like that. i still want to care for you like no one ever did.

but then i realise, if i let my time past. very fast, army will catch up on me. and the idea of having you back would seem even more further.


this wouldnt be what i want. and i want to chase you back. but i dont know how. people around me asked to look around but i refuse to. it's just that i dont not wish to. like what i read, i'm a type of guy that would only cherish after i lost it as claimed by horoscope. and i had learned it the hard way.



i'm real scare, because when my time runs out. i know me and you, it's impossible anymore. bear with me, i dont have much time left. and i do not wish to move on.

or i should start to believe in, "what meant to be, would be."

你是一個失去以後就會覺得後悔的類型的人，所以你最唸唸不忘的人不是別人，是最近的失去的人。例如上一個戀人，你會因為失去而懊惱不已，但凡是因為你自己的原因而失去的人，你就會一直記挂著他們，卻忽略了在你身邊的人。經常會顧此失彼，你是在交往和分開的時候沒有想到，分開後才知道自己多麼在乎的人.



这时的天平满脑子就是想如何做到最好, 让你觉得自己是世界上最幸福的人。和天平恋爱过的人应该都知道这一点吧，刚和天平恋爱时的感觉简直太完美了，一些只有在电影和小说里面出现的情景会经常出现在你们身上，你会感觉现在的你真的就是世界上最幸福的人。这时的天平只要每天能看到深爱的人开心一笑就算付出在大的代价也愿意！由于刚恋爱时的天平表现的太完美了，以至于对方已经习惯了天平的这种完美表现，这在对方的心理已经是对天平的一种标准，所以天平只要稍稍表现的不够以前好，对方就会不习惯，就会觉得天平不爱她了！可是，这个世界上谁也不可能永远都做的这么好，天平也不能，虽然这时天平依然深爱着对方！对方的抱怨让天平觉得自己很委屈，自己付出了那么多对方却还不满足，还说自己不够好，所以天平就会觉得自己的付出不值得，到最后当然就只剩下分手！


所以很多天平宁愿选择放弃(其实天平在对方心目中天平已经很好了，只是当天平深爱一个人时鲜前昱＝羌？。但是放弃不等于不爱。天平对自己深爱的人是一辈子都不会忘的。放弃对天平来说另一种爱，天平会永远把深爱的人深深埋在心里的某个角落默默的为对方祈祷祝福！天平不是因为寂寞才会爱上一个人，天平是因为爱上一个人才寂寞！



天平对于自己内心真正的想法很少> 对人倾诉，因为天平深知沉默才能坚强。所以，除了天平自己之外没有人能真正了解天平，除非你来生有幸作为一个天平时用生命来体会一次。。。。。。不管是谁对谁错，一切的过错都由天平背负着，任由人们误会，任由人们无端的指责甚至漫骂，天平只是轻描淡写的一笑而过，在人前永远保持着优雅的微笑。一切是命中注定，无需多言，我们即然是天秤，太懂得去分析事情的轻与重，善与恶，真与假了。所以说对于本身也是一种负罪吧



朋友'二字对于天平有多重要是一般人不能理解的。这么说吧，天平把友情看的重要。因为天平是一个特别害怕孤独的星座，天平不会享受孤独。每个天平都有轻微的抑郁症，孤独就是诱发天平抑郁症的罪魁祸首！而抑郁症的最大特点就是厌世，这绝不是危言耸听，孤独就是能让天平产生厌世的感觉。天平是活在人群中的人，只有在人群中天平才能找到自我的位置发挥自我的价值。所以天平总是希望自己的朋友多些在多些。对于自己不喜欢的人，天平虽不愿把他当做朋友但还是希望对方能把自己当成朋友，但凡是天平认识的人天平绝不会轻易得罪。为了维持这种和谐的关系，天平不的不圆滑一点虚伪一点，见人说人话见鬼说鬼话。其实天平真的很累的。绝大多数的时候，天平的朋友受到伤害和委屈了，天平总是第一时间出现在朋友旁边安慰和关心朋友，给朋友以最大的鼓励，但是当天平受伤时却很少得到这样的待遇。换句话说，天平的朋友看上去虽然很多，但是知心朋友却很少，能了解天平内心的更始微乎其微。天平对每个朋友都很好，而且都是一样的好，以至于大家都不知道天平对谁是真心真意对谁是虚情假意。天平一生都致力于创造一个自己心目中理想的和谐的美丽新世界，在那个世界中没有明争暗斗，没有尔虞我诈，大家都是好朋友，所有人都互相关心，互相照顾。总之，天平对朋友是最无私的，宁愿天下人负我，我不负天下人是天平对于与朋友关系的最好的一句话概括。如果你有朋友是天平的话，那么你应该感到幸运！


http://apps.facebook.com/pt-carpekyx/

it's too true.

i always told you to bath early, then i realise. after you're gone, i'm bathing at your regular timing. then i thought of you, do you miss me when you do the things that we both used to do together?

i do. i asked myself, if it's my sub-conscious that making me thinks of you. or it's just plainly, coincidence.

i see myself in your shadows everywhere i do. doing the things you used to do. was it to remind me of you? or it was just pure coincidence.

they say there isnt coincidence just choices.




have you ever wondered how somone that is in a long r/s could get another girl/boy at a short time. is it that before that, they had already found someone? or is it that, they couldnt withstand the loneliness in them that they wanted to find someone as a sustritube. yes, it is a sad thing for the another half, but sometime. it makes people real selfish. you no longer wanna give in.



you said you would miss me time to time and yet, it doesnt mean we need to get together. it's true. since we would know how the story would ends, unless you would have a leap of faith and believe in us. which i doubt so =/

我知道你想逃避 不想問不想听
這段感情 已經快要暫停
聽我說 從今後 我會一個人生活
沒有我的時候 你要一個人好好過

then i realise, i'm actually not so 伟大.

i suddenly remember that i said, if you found someone better than me, you can forget about me and stick with him.


i didnt knew it was so hard letting someone go.
till now, i still misses you time to time. i dont know if you ever did. but i would want to let you know, i miss you lots of time.

this would be my endless ranting of how much i miss my ex. it's ok not to read if this wouldnt interest you.






i know we're done but i cant help not to browse though the pictures. few days back, i came across a picture of someone holding you. i get sad, real sad that you're no longer mine. i couldnt know what to feel. my mood just died off, i couldnt do anything or even want to do anything. i know, that guy is your good friend. but i dont know, why i feel like that? i really dont know nor i could find a answer for it. i felt really really sad.


but i know, you have really move on. i dont know why i couldnt. a very big part of me is trying not to move on. i know tha too. but i cant help to realise that you have already move on, beyond this phrase.

and your birthday is coming, i dont know what to do. should i make something for you? like what i always do for your birthday, or just a text. i dont know, i'm thick skin but deep down, i'm still scare of rejection. i'm just scare that you wouldnt even bother to care about me. i cant help to think that if i ever make you a present, what if, you just threw it away infront of me. what if, i'm very sad. i dont know what to do.


i really cant help, not to look at your pictures or recall our past. the past, which you had moved on only. you thought that by removing contracts with me would actually works. for it just makes me misses you more and it make me more certain. certain that it wouldnt be a worthless fight.





a part of me wants you back and a part of me wants you to look for the best. i really dont know what to do at times. to let you go so as to find someone than me, someone that cherish me more, someone whom can make you happy, give you happiness. makes you real happy.

i might just blog again, when i'm feeling better or more sadness in me. =/

happy 27th.

i saw your friend on vietnam trip meeting. i was thinking if i should ever start a topic with her just to find out more about you.


i realise that i think a lot when i'm shitting and now that i'm in class. i couldnt think of any. it seem weird for me to blog during school hours.

but somehow, i still miss you. then i realise even if i can lie to whole world that i wouldnt mind what had happened. but deep down, i know it would happen again. they said i should let you go. perhaps i really should huh. i know you're pretty determined and i know you wont not even be viewing my blog anymore. oh well, what done is done, but i cant help to think about it at times.

perhaps, it's just human nature. they think a lot.
i do think a lot, i think about the present but not the past and future. for what done is done and cant be changed and what have yet to come would only be predicted and might not be true. i realise that what i wanted was certainly in life.

then my friend told me, the way you think isnt the right way. you have to plan for your future as well. at least have a aim, so you would know where you would be going.i have a aim but that is not really related to my job. all i ask, was to have a family and kids and a stable job with fairly income. i'm just like any normal singaporean, it's the common mindset out there. i know that i'm those type of guys that would actually sacrifice myself to bring joy to others and family. perhaps, that's how my father thinks as well.


i'm suppose to be doing work and yet i'm still typing and typing. typing on stuffs that arent related to my school work.


this all would be going to stop. but till then, just let things be how it be.


then the happy part is that the bus come on time for me again! it's like how they always say, everyone neglect the small things but it's the small things that matter most.
have you looked at your small things in your life that you should be happy for?

i'm happy because i doesnt have to waste much time on waiting for bus and today is a happy day as filming take a shorter time to produce more stuff!

当一个女生真的喜欢你的时候，能做到以下8条，那你就娶他，准没错！ 

⒈ 当一个女的真正喜欢你时，她会主动发信息或者打电话给你，因为他很想你。

⒉ 当一个女的真正喜欢你时，她会在乎你的一举一动，因为她怕她随时会失去你。

⒊ 当一个女的真正喜欢你时，她跟你说话的时候会表现的很淑女，因为她想在你的心里永远是那么的美好。

⒋ 当一个女的真正喜欢你时，她会在她的朋友、同学面前一天到晚提起你，因为她觉得自己老公是如此的好。

⒌ 当一个女的真正喜欢你时，她会为了你从家里逃出来，甚至不惜跟爸爸妈妈翻脸，因为她想见你。

⒍ 当一个女的真正喜欢你时，如果你想去学校去接她时，她会不让你去，至于为什么我也不知道。

⒎ 当一个女的真正喜欢你时，如果你要去打架，她会劝你不去，因为她怕你受伤。（当然是废话）

⒏ 当一个女的真正喜欢你时，她看到你心情不好，就会来安慰你，尽管你对她发脾气，她还是忍了。

⒐ 当一个女的真正喜欢你时，她会对你说些她的秘密，甚至有些连她最好的朋友也不知道的秘密。

⒑ 当一个女的真正喜欢你时，如果你有一天对她没感觉了，不去理她了，她会选择跟你说分手，然后默默的离开，尽管她已经爱你爱到骨髓。 男孩和女孩吵架了，男孩再也不对女孩说:我爱你.当然女孩也不再说:我也是.他们谈到了分手的事，背对背睡下了。半夜，天上打雷了。第一声雷响时，他醒 了，下意识地猛地用双手去捂她的耳朵，才发现不知何时他又拥著她。雷声紧接著炸响,女孩留下了眼泪。过一会雷停了,两人假装什么也没发生，可谁都没有睡 著。她想也许他还爱我，生怕我受一点点吓。他想，也许她还爱我，不然她不会流泪的。爱的最高境界是经得起平淡的流年。世界上最美的木乃伊,这是一个古老的 符咒，看到此日志的朋友转载到自己的日志里，三天内就能得到心爱的人。



she really love me a lot that time. =/

i get real dull and sad when i'm tired. i'm sad right now for no reasons.
i would not fall in love because i'm still over my ex and i wouldnt want the next one to be suffering.

i'm incapable of doing anything big.
i feel rather inferior due to that i have no goals in life nor i can earn big money to see my family current state.

i sacrifice their money for my own happiness. i'm sad. i couldnt undo and i properly wont for it make me learn that everything comes at a price.

it's so close that i can imagine myself crying my lungs out if i ever drink too much again.

had a E36Q steamboat just now at rainer's house! it was so long, nearly 2 years ever since the first sleep-over we had. everyone still looks the same to me! glad that everyone is doing fine! after that, we played monopoly deal. i always seem others playing it, now that i have my tries on it. it seem pretty fun! well, it's the clique that make it fun!


~



now that i have heard your side of the story, i cant help but to feel sad.they told me that you're very sad at that point of time and then words are spreading around. but, have you ever know what i'm feeling. they told me, to do the same way. so that you would know how i'm feeling for you still, so there would be any chance of getting back. but then, what would i remember now is that you would ask me to move on. they told me, perhaps i had hurt you too deep that you moved on. i suppose, that's true. if you really do, which i believe so. you must be happier than before, happier than the period that you're with me. so that i can find some excuses to comfort myself that you're doing better without me.

i heard that you're still the same as whom you're back then, i lack the strength to see you in person. you grow more mature


and my friend told me, he sense sadness in me when i told them my part of the story. he sense sadness in my words which are so seldom. as some might know, i'm not those type of guys that show their feelings when the lights are up. sometime, i think it's quite sad as what i felt in the day, will only reflect when the lights are down and when i'm alone. with then came to a point that i'm used to such feelings and by the time when the lights are up, i couldnt feel anything anymore. it's like a soulless body.




只能怀念下去。。。爱有时很无奈。
能看你一生幸福到老　這樣就好


知道他不愛我.他的眼神 說出他的心.


我想哭但是哭不出来，
人都说哭出来就好了，
就正常了....
真的哭不出来....

i took LRT today, i looked around to find any signs of you. the you that lingers around at here. i looked at my watch, it's around the time that you could be going home.the place which we part, the memories i had, they still lingers.

we meet due to fate. do you remember how we met still? do you remember how i tried to chase you back then? if i had those msn conv still, i could tell you. i would read them again at times. i tried very hard not to think about you too much during the day times. but the harder i try, i miss you even more at night. but lucky, it doesnt occur most of the times.

they are days where i could make myself so tired that i wouldnt think, even for that split second.i dont want to kiss goodbye. i dont know what else could i do for you now, all i could do now was to hope that you're doing better without me and wont let anyone bully you. but then, if i know such things. i couldnt do anything about it. i'm nothing to you anymore.
i could imagine myself being dumbfolded, i'm off nothing to her right now. what rights do i have? i have no rights, but just a heart of not wanting her to be hurt.

sometime i thinks, is it really better this way? i think she is, and she is trying to help me move on too.
my heart is warm when i remember i had you, after all. what good is there when you're together and not happy.


speaking of which, i was quite happy when you text me the other time, even though it ended pretty fast, i was glad that it happened.



you know, as a outsider. we couldnt do much, the help we could give is pretty limited. everything is up to yourself to decide how the story goes.


and yes val, i'm a fake and hopeless guy. well, i know there is someone that still cares about me right now.
~

and i got the shirt and the bag i brought today, i kind of like the bag. but the shirt is a little tight fit and my mum suggested me to wear another shirt over it.

and we went to eat at katong laska today at katong! cause the place of collection was somewhere near there.

i like it when i'm driving out at night. you dont think and only focus on the road. because if you dont, it will cost your life.


and i tried blog shopping, was something new but the price actually still remains the same. give me enough inspiration and i would create my own design and wear it.


emotions have no scientific proof that it actually exists but people still believe it.

and i'm very eager to shop! even when i have money, i shall shop for cheap clothes!

i'm not a man with great words or a man that could promise you the sea. but i'm a guy that could promise you things within my reach.

i'm not a man with determination but i do tries to work hard on what i want. i'm looking at myself, amaze at what i'm trying to attain. amaze at how each will, will actually move mountains. i'm just going to push, and really keep pushing.

somedays in your life, you get bullied and bullied again, the cycle repeat, everytime, every sec, 24/7. but have you ever wonder why arent you making any changes to your life that you dislike how everyone is treating you? no doubts, experiences made you a better man. but have you ever realise that every single time it's just going to get worse. and on some days, you just feel that you wouldnt live another day, you just feel that you wouldnt have the strength to live on. wanting to give up on what we called life?

it's true that we all suffer at parts of our life. but then, shouldnt we try to learn something from it? i know, i experience, i live to tell. and it was then, that i decide to learn something from it, instead of living my life like that. are you?

sometime we should try to draw lessons from what we experience. i believe there lies a reason why we even managed to make it through those period.


i felt sorry, for myself. for having said so much and yet nothing is done.
i really tries and i'm not really trying my best for the things i'm doing tho. i should find ways to push myself more.






傻人有傻福，有真傻和装傻之分，不管是装傻还是真傻，都是有福的。
有福，就是一种满足感，真傻，是因为本身欲望就少，要求得到的少，就心情好，不以物喜，不以已悲，这是一种福；装傻，心里明知道，不说出来，不去想影响心情的事，不去为小事较真，为自己增添郁闷，自然也是一种福。难得胡涂，难得胡涂！
傻人就是有傻福。
快快乐乐地每一天!

had a DIDM night on sat again. had mr werty and krystl being our chefs for the night. it was awesome and i too want to cook as well! after that play poker then start to drink. i swear, this was the worse i ever had. and it wouldnt stop at this. i vomited twice as well. that is like so sad. =/

i was packing my stuff and i saw the watch i gave you on our 6th month. the time had stopped. which then i realise, it's been 2 years ever since i brought this watch for you. time do flies.

Love isn't about changing each other because unstoppable forces can't meet immovable objects. Love is simply about giving. Cheers!

what eventually happens when one person try to change another person in a romantic relationship is that it will fail and everything will crumble after even a slight revert to their own old ways... so if you love someone, dont try to change for him/her, dont try to change him/her, just give.

give him/her time, give care, give attention, give support, given encouragement, give tenderness, give and give.

because he/she will give back and the love will blossom. =)



copied it from my friend.

today, i had a dream. it'was not you but her. was it signs that it had really over? had a talk just now, which seem to be the darker side of me that people ever know.

and yes, i'm a very weird person. i dont like to share with people and yet i ask them to share their problems.

ytd, i went to buy a box. a box so that i could contain everything we ever had together. and on top, it said "if i could re-write the alphabet, i'd put u and i together." i dont know if i'm still over you. but any news or views of your sure capture my attention as usual.

i realise that my driving seem to get worse and worse. i can foresee, the day when i could get a fine or minus point if i dont pay attention.


have you ever have someone close to you, that look up to you? no matter what you do, they would want to do it. i had 1, it was my brother. he asked my mum, why cant i be like my brother? when my mum told me this news, i nearly cried. for i didnt know that my brother look up to me so much. thanks to him, i widen my views. i learnt many things.
i love my brother and this make me more wanting to protect him from the unknown. for when everyone is gone, there is only me and him to look out for.



V.I.U = Very Important

hello val, now that i knew there is one more person viewing this!

属马的人性格很奇怪,有时候超爱说话,有时候可以一天不说话,高兴的时候,会拼命的说话,不高兴的时候,一句话也不说.
属马的人不爱记仇,但谁对他好谁对他不好,他还是记得很清楚的
属马的把真实的自己藏于半夜的寂静和午夜明朗的笑声中.
属马的最注重的就是安全感.希望被保护,却常常是一个人.
属马的不容易爱上一个人，但一旦爱上便很难自拔。一旦受伤，总是被伤的很深。只有几个贴心朋友


属马的是个很爱撒娇的孩子、总是很依赖别人
属马的喜欢海,喜欢顾影自怜.喜欢自己舔伤口.
属马的性格很古怪而又孤僻,他们会突然在大笑中沉默,感觉悲伤.
属马的心里想什么从来不说.别人也猜不到.
属马的嘴上说不在乎、心里却早已悲凉、心里的那把火早已熄灭 .


属马的选择了沉默、不在像以前那样挚热的去追求某样东西 .
属马的总是很爱回忆、回忆以前的点点滴滴、以前的大小事只是默默的想着.
属马的座的人天生敏锐，与生具备的第六感，对人的内心有超乎寻常的洞察力，但他会把这些东西放在心里，属马的人可以把你的眼神、内心看得很清楚，但却不会告诉你，他用旁观的态度判定虚伪 .
属马的人不懂甜言蜜语，不屑拍马屁 .
属马的人本能的排斥虚伪和做作的人 .



属马的人不会真的发火，就算生气，也很快忘记！
属马的人只对真正懂他的人，展示他的创造性，他的情绪他变得冷淡就证明他开始对你重新审视， 当他越是沉默，就代表他越是生气 .
属马的人可能看起来很凶，其实内心是最柔软的 .
属马的人看起来很冷淡，但那只是保护自己的方法 .
属马的人很重视友情，但被伤害后绝对不再友善 .


属马的人很容易被感动，但感动中又保有理智 .
属马的人可能看起来很坚强，其实是最脆弱的 .
属马的人可能很爱哭，但他的哭并不代表认输 .
属马的人可能看起来很笨，其实大智若愚 .

属马的人可能做事很毛躁，但内心很细心 .
属马的人天生敏感和细腻，却会用心鉴定 .

属马的懦弱，受了伤之后，只知道躲在无人的地方独自哭泣 .

属马的虚伪，明明已经心痛到无法呼吸，还要在最爱的他面前假装坚强；不轻易让任何人走进他自己独自的世界

属马的笑容，无论开心或者悲伤，他都是一脸笑容，笑容，是他们伪装自己最好的武器，

属马的眼泪，从不轻易让人看见，他的泪，从来只有她知道，只是，谁又知道，在巨蟹的笑脸背后，埋藏的是深深的悲伤，笑的越开心，伤的越深 .

属马的退缩， 属马的，永远不会轻易说爱或者喜欢，除非真的喜欢到了极点，否则，要他们表白几乎不可能，但是，一旦表白，他们就是不遗余力的付出，即使知道这样做换来的结果可能是深深的伤害…



属马的，永远只可能做同一件事两次，表白也一样，同一个人，只可能听到他向你最深的表白两次，两次之后，就是绝对的安静了…即使仍然深爱着，他也没有勇气再说第三遍我爱你…他的退缩，不能重复一件事第三次 .

属马的愚蠢，不懂的怎么挽回深爱的人的心，只能自己心中默默的祝福和祈祷。

受了伤的马，只会在角落独自忍受锥心的痛.

属马的：体贴第一名，爱吃第一名，爱家第一名，孝顺第一名，多愁善感第一名。

如果你爱上 属马…请你疼爱生肖马。。。哈哈。。。



this is applying to me. do read if you were to understand me more.



oh ya, hello quek. at least i know there is someone out there viewing this. =D

i really miss you but sometime i think, i dont really deserve you.

you know that my heart are yours to keep.

a fat guy that love a short cute girl.

peggy lee, you know every words of mine count and i really mean what i said.

i really miss you as a friend, as a lover, as a companion.at least let me know if you're doing good. =/

if you ever asked me that do i miss you? i would tell you, do you breathe? the thoughts of you make my heart bleed. but you and i know, i dont show it out or express it to others. i'm a self centered bastard.which explain why i lost you.

nowadays, i'm seldom online on msn, mainly due to that i'm having a problem with the new msn signing in and out. secondly, i think because in the past, we would chat at msn. so whatever i do, i would be online to chat with her. since then, i'm like losing my connections with the worlds through phones or msn/skype.
mainly because, no one bothers to talk with me. which then i find it kind of pointless as i had lost the motivation to be online.

sometime, it would be good if you're able to cry. because when the days goes by, you realise your tears tend to get dry up, sooner or later.

what if, i tell myself that i would break down real badly. i believe i would really so. because i just couldnt find anyone that love me as much she used to do. =/

there are so many things that i want to blog but i just couldnt find the motivation to do so.


all i want to know, is that are you doing OK?!? could you allow me to do so? i just want to cry myself to sleep this very night. =(
i'm fking emo whenever i'm left alone at night for too long.or i should say, i'm fking emo over her, and only her have what it takes to make me feel this way. =/

Price Rick - Heaven Knows


She's always on my mind
From the time I wake up 'til I close my eyes
She's everywhere I go
She's all I know

And though she's so far away
It just keeps gettin' stronger everyday
And even now she's gone
I'm still holding on
So tell me where do I start
'Cause it's breaking my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows

My friends keep tellin' me
That if you really love her
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in kind
I'll know she's mine
So tell me where do I start
'Cause it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows

Why I live in despair
'Cause wide awake or dreaming
I know she's never there
And all this time I act so brave
I'm shaking inside
Why does it hurt me so

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows
Heaven knows
Heaven knows

i just want to know how are you doing!!!

everytime i see her photos at my desk, i smile back. but then as usual, she was still this cold to me.



anyway, my arms are aching from the exercises few days back. more to come!

i wouldnt promise to cry you a river, but i promise to hug you as long as possible to feel relieve.

had a DIDM poker night, with fun and laughters. glad that most of us could attend this 'event' to have fun together.

whenever i stopped and looked around, i saw my memories of you there, doing what i'm doing. things that i do often reminds me of you, things that i learnt from you. just so you know, i really do miss you, alot.

there're many nights where i could wish you were still here with me so that i know you would still be with me no matter how bad things could happen.

it doesnt matter of what they think of me, it does matter of what you think of me.


many times, we hear things that are often 1-sided. have you ever heard the another side so that you could then start judging?

a sign of where you still lingers, thus shall find comfort in knowing you're safe.

sometime, it's good when you aint that clever. you would just accept the world as it is instead of wondering so much why. sometime, i would rather to be them, so that i wouldnt think too much.



happy 27th ♥

do you remember my N81? i recently changed back to it as my current phone has problem. i just merely swap the battery over, praying that it would work.

i saw our sms, i looked at the date and it stated 25/1/2010. it was merely few months back. i looked through the sms as well as the photos. i saw the photos that we took during my birthday. it was sweet. i'm thankful for taking photos with my phone. for sometime, when everything falls. there're still there to remind you your past. <3

i saw my birthday shoot,those with geannie, your shoots with muffin, the firework we looked, the big watermelon at bedok inter, the fishing trip we had at punggol end. where we saw a old couple using their van as lighting to fish, flyer trips, your awfully chocolate banana cake and zoo trip!


you told me how people would backstab me. if their backstab would bring you back, i would.


if only i could be more judgmental.

i cried not because the kid was screaming like crazy but i cried when i raise my volume to my mum. i dont know why but it's just started to roll down. sometime i think, was that if i had done enough in this life. like bringing laughters to friends , showing filial piety to my parents. enough, so that i would move on in life. by move on, it might be death. sometime i really wonder.

awhile back, i changed to my old phone and i saw pictures of her. i meant a lot! it brings back lots of memories. memories that are so sweet that she was still here along.


i'm thinking, would someone miss another person till a extend that they become insane? and create an alternate reality of the person itself. then i realise, actually they are such cases, but they aint insane. sometime, they just couldnt find the comfort others could give. example would be a guy marrying his pillow and bringing it to theme park and co. was it that he was insane? i believe everyone would say so. but who are they to really to judge him? who are there to experience what he had gone through. no one did, so everyone was just making assumption. deep down. everyone just wants to feel loved.

i heard of another case whereby a guy stayed at his home for 15years! he went out just to buy games, hardwares and food. the news said that because of his lack of contract with the cruel reality, many times he was lied to and played with. how many times would someone able to withstand such stuffs. then i realise, everyone have their own stories to tell.
what you're able to see at the surface doesnt mean what they're really feeling.

i dont know how you're doing so far. i do hope you're doing great because you wouldnt allow me to have a glimpse of your life anymore.


haze is madness and i'm falling sick due to it.i'm very tired recently as i often sleep around 8+.


i'm afraid to text you because i'm scare how angry you would be when you saw it.
i wouldnt mind to even be that small part in your life.
emozxzxz

by not talking about it doesnt mean i dont miss you. it's just means that i'm tired of telling the world how much i really do miss you.

no one falls in love by choice, it is by chance.
no one stays in love by chance, it is by work.
and no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice.

are you really happier without me?

i learnt not to take you from granted because everywhere we go. i see us, and i tell myself that we went such areas before. depressing i know, but it would be alright.

a promise made

Scorpions - Still Loving You

Time, it needs time
To win back your love again.
I will be there, I will be there.

Love, only love
Can bring back your love someday.
I will be there, I will be there.

Fight, babe, I'll fight
To win back your love again.
I will be there, I will be there.

Love, only love
Can break down the walls someday.
I will be there, I will be there.

If we'd go again
All the way from the start,
I would try to change
The things that killed our love.

Your pride has build a wall, so strong
That I can't get through.
Is there really no chance
To start once again?
I'm loving you.

Try, baby try
To trust in my love again.
I will be there, I will be there.

Love, your love
Just shouldn't be thrown away.
I will be there, I will be there.

If we'd go again
All the way from the start,
I would try to change
The things that killed our love.

Your pride has build a wall, so strong
That I can't get through.
Is there really no chance
To start once again?

If we'd go again
All the way from the start,
I would try to change
The things that killed our love.

Yes I've hurt your pride, and I know
What you've been through.
You should give me a chance
This can't be the end.

I'm still loving you.
I'm still loving you,
I need your love.
I'm still loving you.
Still loving you, baby...

i dream of you again, you are back with me again. how i long to see those smile of you smiling for me.

do you know that i still misses you?

two are better then one.

went on a basketball games last night with my neighbours and co. been a while since i last exercise, few months i guess. i couldnt remember when i exercise but i do remember i did exercise with her before. we went for a little run around the anvorvale sport hall's park. i think it should be quite awhile back and yes, i did miss her and i do miss her.

well, to be honest she had not really left my mind. she always been around there. i could always see a part of her somewhere.
am i sad? i dont know, what can you tell? what you can see here is only one-sided. perhaps, i really do. but i had to accept the fact that she had left me for good with no returning back.

baby, stay happy.

even though i couldnt adjust my body clock within 1 day, but numerous days of determination would make it still.
went for a steamboat session today, was extremely bloated. i think our table ate at least 5 plates of sliced meat. i think around 2 plates each for our table only had 3 people. should start boycotting steamboat since NAFA is coming. time to keep fit, if only typing is as easy as doing it.



if i'm a little better with words or able to understand words within words, then i wont say things just to make you go away and never come back.

you can change your name, your nationality, your lifestyle and habits.
you can go for plastic surgery. you can go move to a far far away land.
but you're still whom you're. no matter how you want to change, deep inside you're are still who you're.

like they say, you can run but you cant hide.


when you're down with no one around to care, think of me.think of my cheeky face and retarded actions, you might just find some comfort there.


on a side note, am i going too low profile or my life is like a mystery?


no doubt, i do miss you at times but that doesnt mean we have to get together again.

just give him sometime, what meant to be would be.
it's ok to feel something.


school starting soon and i always couldnt have a good night sleep before the day. perhaps due to my screw my body clock that i'm always in such a state.


back then, there would always be a some special one to give me a text message or morning call.
must learn to be self-contended! at least during those period, there are someone special to do that for me. we feel sad because we're not contended and wanted more. learn not to and you would be free.

now take your ching chang chong and go wu la la la.

i realize my aircon havent been turn on for like 9mths+ ever since my ex gf birthday till now! glad that it's still working perfectly. you might wonder why wasnt it turn on? because back then, her friends gave her hamsters as her presents. sadly, 9mths time, they all died one by one. i had no control. =(

i was browsing though my tagboard when i saw that "can tell them about me" then i browse back to that particular history then i saw that it was about what stories are you gonna stay with your kids when you're old.

i can tell them to cherish everyone before they're gone and never take anyone for granted. tell them my past mistakes, hopping that they wouldnt follow the footsteps i take. it's always good to plan early.

english cover of Taeyang - Wedding Dress.


Lyrics:
(Verse 1 - Tommy C)
Never should've let you go
Never found myself at home
Ever since that day that you walked
Right out the door

You were like my beating heart
That I, I can't control
Even though weve grown apart
My brain cant seem to let you go

Thinking back to the old times
When you kept me up late at night
We use to mess around
Laugh and play, fuss and fight

(Pre-Chorus)
I guess its too late, Im dancing this dance alone
This chapters done, the story goes on

(Chorus)
Baby
Can't believe that you are not with me
'Cause you should be my lady
All I want is to set your heart free

But if you believe that you belong with him
Promise me, you wont let anyone hurt you
Remember, I will always be here for you
Even if it kills me to see you

In that wedding dress
Oh see you in that wedding dress
See you in that wedding dress
Oh see you in that wedding dress

(Verse 2)
Snappin out this misery
Depression this aint me
But I always turn around
180 degrees

You got control of me
And I, I cant explain
Somebody call 911 Emergency
Before I go insane

Since youve moved on
You took a piece of me give it back
So much pain in my chest
Blacking out, heart attack

(Pre-Chorus)

(Chorus)

(Verse 3 - J.Reyez)
And I see you with your man and it's hard to understand
If we belong, if I did you wrong, where we even began
We would always fuss and fight and it seems nothing was right
But I loved you girl and you were my world but you'd never trust this guy
'Cause the things I do when I'm on the stage, they say I'm a superstar
You couldn't understand all the female fans and then we grew apart
And I just don't get when you're acting like some other person
But I try my best to hold on at the times when it ain't working
And everytime that you say it's over it breaks my heart and I don't know why
'Cause you've done it a lot of times in the past but I get back up and try
You said we could work it out, how could you hurt me now
And you moved on to the next, I'm left with an imperfect smile

(Chorus)

most of the time, i'm pretty easy going. but there are somethings that i'm really stubborn about.

and yes, we did finally sat down and have a nice talk. i felt totally scared when she is closing in, my heart pump faster, i sweat faster and i couldnt even talk properly. but, things goes out pretty ok i guess. or at least, the way i think it to be.

i'm just a little stubborn over you. i do not have much aims in life but i do my best to achieve them whenever i had one. i wouldnt know how long this enthu would last but i'm sure, it will last as long as i could.

you know i dont make empty promises.

只怪我们相遇得太早

now that i got my leather watch! i wanna T-Shirts, shoes and a new hairstyle! things dont come free, so better start working hard for it!

school's starting later but lucky for me, i only have a 3days study week. starting from thursday,friday and monday. life's been normal for me just that, i'm a pretty 'depress' recently. i think depress was a little too extreme. oh well, gonna work hard for FYP 2. my GPA drop by 0.03 and i fail my FYP.sad huh, but what past is past, you cant change the facts it is like that, but you can change what is going to happen after that and how to deal with it.

i aint going to run from it anymore, you taught me not to run from it. you knew my worst problems, i'm thankful for having you once to figure out my problems.

those that make those beautiful eyes of yours cry aint worth it.

it means that i'm not worthy enough for you, since i make those beautiful eyes of your cry

"make yourself busy everytime or find things to do. so you wont even have time to miss her." =(

sometime, i would drive to your block and wait, thinking that if there is any chances for me to see you.


i know i would miss you time to time but i didnt know it would get worse everytime.

found this photo in my phone.

i think, you're my only regret in my life now.

" can understand that we're able to face the fact that the woman you love doesnt love you, but no one can face the fact that someone who love you for years would walk away. "

" if you dont cherish those that love you deeply. one day, if she turns her back on you. you would realize that the one that couldnt take it , is you, not her. "

to the girls out there, to my love out there.

歌曲：小宇
歌手：张震岳 专辑：ok

总有些惊奇的际遇
比方说当我遇见你
你那双温柔莹剔透的眼睛
出现在我梦里
我的爱就像一片云
在你的天空无处停
多渴望化成阵阵的小雨
滋润你心中的土地
不管未来会怎麽样
至少我们现在很开心
不管结局会怎麽样
至少想念的人是你
我不会把它当作游戏
因为我真心对你
总有些话是不能提
怕你会掉入选择题
我把情感自私的那一面
隐藏在黑夜里
我的爱就像一片舟
在你的心湖无处停
寻寻觅觅一个美丽的港湾
希望不再流浪漂荡
我不管未来会怎麽样
我不管结局会怎麽样
但我每天都想见到你
我想真的跟你在一起
如果你还是没法相信
真的没关系我会安静的离去

I've kissed your face, with your arms on my shoulders

The feeling's so sweet, I can't forget

Everytime I close my eyes, I could always see

Those words I don't believe in would come true

And though I've kissed your face, you're no longer by my side (Even though you're no longer by my side)

I can only wish you happiness in life

These broken feelings, I don't want to be the breaking point

Before I sleep, I can only wish to hear, your sweet words again...


張敬軒 - 斷點

靜靜地陪你走了好遠好遠
連眼睛紅了都沒有發現
聽著你說你現在的改變
看著我依然最愛你的笑臉
這條舊路依然沒有改變
以往的每次路過都是晴天
想起我們有過的從前
淚水就一點一點開始蔓延

我轉過我的臉不讓你看見
深藏的暗湧已經越來越明顯
過完了今天就不要再見面
我害怕每天醒來想你好幾遍

我吻過你的臉　你雙手曾在我的雙肩
感覺有那麼甜　我那麼依戀
每當我閉上眼我總是可以看見
失信的諾言全部都會實現

我吻過你的臉　
你已經不在我的身邊(雖然你不在我的身邊)
我還是祝福你過得好一點 斷開的感情線　
我不要做斷點 只想在睡前　
再聽見你的　蜜語甜言...


陳浩民 愛海滔滔

作詞：稻草人　作曲：稻草人

試著去努力　鼓起勇氣放棄你
總是不爭氣　沒有這麼快學會安靜
就連眼淚時刻在提醒　根本無法放得下你
漆黑的夜晚　還是找到了我　排山倒海來襲

一定是我不夠好　所以你才想要逃
逃到天涯和海角　躲在別人的懷抱
你能不能不管過的好不好　不要故意躲開不讓我知道

只要你過得很好　什麼都已不重要
我不會故意打擾　更不會讓你煩惱
我每一夜　不管你知不知道
傻傻流著眼淚默默地祈禱　希望你過得好


總有一天你會看到　愛如海掀起驚天巨滔
我會以無堅不摧的力量　讓你知道



i just wasnt that important to you anymore... =/
i just couldnt find the courage to....

when the hearts beat as one.

do you know that your smile brighten up my days?

i fear that, today would turn for the worse =(((

when you said you wanna go out with me. later that night, my friends called to ask me to drink. i turned them down because deeply, i was happy that you're willing to go out with me. then i reached home and text you, you told me. you're out with your friends for the night.


am i really expecting too much from you? i think i'm, if not i wouldn't be in such state now.

or i'm not that sensitive to take hint? but if that's the case, arent i thinking too much about it?.

sometime , i just wonder are you toying around with me or are you serious? are you talking to me for the sake of entertaining me or else-wise? you said chances, i'm taking them seriously but you doesnt seem to take it that way.

can you at least show some respect? i'm too a human being that has feelings.

was i asking for too much? shouldnt i be self-contended? aint good, for this greed is making me suffer, the more you anticipate, the worse you fall. i wanna cry, but i dont know what stopping me. was it my pride? or was it that i'm redundant.

i looked tho your old blog. i never felt so out of love before, i'm so not used without your presence. no one really know how i felt as i dont know tell them much, i choose not to tell them much as i prefer keeping things to myself so not to trouble others.
i just dont know what i want , i just dont know what you want.

i'd love to be cherished by you.
emozxzxz

was back from mini celebration with my family at Punggol Marina Club, the new Sakura. first time there but everything seem pretty alright. then my uncle and aunt join us along, there was a arcade and my uncle and my dad challenge to a car race!



cute huh!

then here are my presents, 1 from my DIDM, 1 from my aunt!









then a mini cake celebration and this mark the start of my 20th! gonna be a tough one for sure.nobody said it was easy but it's time to stay focus.



i just love the way you lie.

first of all. went cycling. suppose to meet at parkway parade. but somehow, i forget how to go there till i reach there and realize there got 43. because it's been sometime ever since i go there and last time i used to go there to find her at Bonia. been sometime since she doesnt work at there anymore also.

anyway, we brought our drinks at Parkway Parade before setting off to rent our bike at ECP. we rent our bike before heading to the hawker center to get our food.

so, we cycled from ECP to Changi to Pasir Ris to Tampines to Bedok then back to ECP. was a tough ride tho with lot of detours. i can estimate around 10km we cycled. i'm sure we all had a bruised ass after we reach home.



then i went home to sleep then wake up for another outing with the DIDM. i woke up around 5pm then rested at home till it was 7 to get my car ride so i dont have to travel back and fro for my fishing gear. i remember copying the instructions before heading down to the Bottle Tree Village at some ulu ulu area.


it's like a zhi char stall with nice sea view. anyway, it's was a small pre celebration for me. then heading to Changi to fish. had lots of fun playing there.



thanks DIDM for the celebration. appreciated it much! thanks for the endless un-wrapping of the present ♥

dont fucking toy with me. thanks

do i look like some pushover?

it's gonna be weird this year....

i was cleaning my room when i saw this colorful cards lying there. at the front page was Jamming towards LOVE and the last was This is how it continue.i cant help to feel a pinch deep down. i cant help flipping tho the pages to see what you wrote. i dont know if you remember but i do.

which then reminds me of your birthday, the ever first birthday i planned or i should say the first ever birthday i took initiative to plan. back then, we were so much sweeter. i dont know why that we had lost such sweetness over the years.


i lose all the photos we took. i couldnt find them anymore.


i realize friends play big part when quarrels happen. when you're down, you find those important person that you value the most and ask for their comments. in which it have a deepest impact.


i'm clear of what is going on. just that i refuse to face the truth. if you were in my situation, you would understand. you really would.... =(

i realize songs actually make a impact on you when you grow up, whether directly or indirectly. the choice of songs and the lyrics actually reflect your person-ability.
it's still a area to explore tho. because for my case, i realize that my mindset is somehow related to songs that best define life.

宋岳庭 - Life's a struggle
when i was during my lower sec school life, someone sent me this song. till now, the lyrics still impact me.



anyway , was out with DIDM for the night. tired driving around but it was worth the fun. tho, we're struck with places to go so we ended up in punggol end. feel kind of bad as someone stayed far and had to travel back.



i always been a optimistic in my life. i realise that sometime, we just had to look at the negative part. we had to be true to ourselves that not all things would be the way we think it to be.


had i told you that you appeared in my dream recently? the dream was just like what state are we in now. =/



somehow, i dont see the excitement for this year.

babylove; i always say it's erxin but i just like the way you say it to me.

i think we just got bored of each other presences. but somehow, i miss you.

if you're not planning to change anything then why get back. the same problem still arise after time.
what if, i told you i would make some change. what if, but then you wouldnt listen to me anymore.

if back then, i didnt agreed to the broke up, none of this things would happen. so whose to blame? myself. oh well, there arent any 'if' in my dictionary.
basically, the question is to move on or running in circles. you feel pain but it's one of those things that make you feel alive.


had a nice talk back few days."what are friends for?" make me begin to ponder for awhile.

it doesn't change the fact that you're emo/depress but it warmth your hearts that someone still cares.

a mum's love for her son.

when you think of someone too much, they do appear in your dream. why? i dream of her and that's for real.
i think it's your sub conscious thing; somehow, your brain can filter what you really miss.

and every things that they say, your brain actually has a way of linking such ideas together into a story. because from what i dream, i could see my (then) gf actually still ignores me or irk the sight of me and also that there was this guy that is trying to impress her which is on a better term with her. i suppose it do means something, but my IQ arent that high yet to understand what does it really mean.

anyway, yesterday night went to chong pang nasi lemak then the tau huey next to it. then after that we slacked at seletar dam, the floor is kind of wet due to the rain before but we just sat down in a circle and start sharing stories. then around 5, we went to jalan kayu to eat prata then after that sent them home. i think i'm very not used to long term driving, i kept making mistakes and kept overshooting exits. i think i should try to remember roads next time. because sometime, when my friend says time to turn. it's kind of late already. oh well, till next time!!! cheers.

王力宏 - 你不知道的事


蝴蝶擦几次眼睛 再学会飞行
夜空洒满了星星 但即刻会落地
我飞行 但你坠落之际
很靠近 爱听见呼吸
对不起 我却没捉紧你

你不知道我为什么离开你
我坚持不能说放任你哭泣
你的泪滴像倾盆大雨
碎落满地 在心里清晰
你不知道我为什么狠下心
还悬在你看不见那高空里
多的事 你不知道的事

蝴蝶擦几次眼睛 再学会飞行
夜空洒满了星星 但即刻会落地
我飞行 但你坠落之际
很靠近 爱听见呼吸
对不起 我却没捉紧你

你不知道我为什么离开你
我坚持不能说放任你哭泣
你的泪滴像倾盆大雨
碎落满地 在心里清晰
你不知道我为什么狠下心
还选择你看不见那高空里
多的事 你不知道的事

oh wow oh~

我飞行 但你坠落之际

ho~oh~~

你不知道我为什么离开你
我坚持不能说放任你哭泣
你的泪滴像倾盆大雨
碎落满地 在心里清晰
你不知道我为什么狠下心
还悬在你看不见那高空里
多的事 你不知道的事

oh~... ...




~~~~~

quite late now huh.

my bro understands that things are weird, not because he didnt see it before. but it's just the culture problem.

i love her but she have move on. so it's between us now. can see that the jerral guy was much better tho.
but i need help, no help was there. =/
but no worries, my parents taught me to find a way out and i did. so meanwhile, cheers! for fyp2 is coming. =/

i'm affected when you says that you're on phone call with that guy. real badly.

it's around such timing where i get more sensitive to my surrounding. or rather , emotional. i looked around my room and all i saw, was your stuff, our memory. =/
i dont know if i'm sad or what. i just know i misses it.


boooo, and it's another emozxzx post.

was going tho my emails and found some old school emails. something like 40 facts about guys and etc. it do make sense, partly of cause.

i'm just reposting some that really make sense for me.
do ask me if you want the email and i'll forward it to you.




A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.


No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.


Not all guys are jackass. Just because ONE is a jackass doesnt mean he represents ALL of us.


When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.


Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.


The friend replied " when someone hurts us we should write it down in sand, where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it."


do not value the things in your life, but value who you have in your life.


NO POINTING FINGERS

A man asked his father-in-law, 'Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?'
The father-in-law answered in a smile, 'Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you.'

We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.

If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.


'It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character..'
It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations..


When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.


You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.
Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear..


People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.


Good Life starts only when you stop wanting a better One'



Libra is kind and gentle soul but very argumentative. Hence do not start an argument or discussion unless of course you are free and do not know how to pass your time. They hate to lose and most probably in between of discussion they may change their side too (remember scales can tilt) and still continue arguing from other side. Do not push your Libra partner into making decisions. They will keep weighing pros and cons and may still not be able to come to any decision. Have patience!


Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days.
But the family we left behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.


The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be.

people always try to find excuses for their lose. excuses so that it could make them fall back to their comfort zone. where everything still comfortable being in it.

an example was that i was chatting with my ex. were discussing about how life without each other. seem pretty good for her tho. ok, sound pretty hypocrite tho.

anyway, my point is that she told me her story that after that, she decided to look at things at another way. and tell her it's my lost to lose her and she had guys flocking in to treat her differently.

at first, i wasnt looking at things in such angle. i was really trying to come up with solutions for solve the problem as a friend.

my point is that people find faults in others and not in themselves. oh well, human nature. they never see faults in themselves. everyone does that, including me.


sometime what really hurts me is that at one point, she asked me that i dont want her already then another point, she said she needed time to think about it and now, that she found better guys. dilemma only.



i'm also in a dilemma now, to let go or not. i think kind of haven't let it go yet. my phone still have over hundreds of her message and i cant bear to delete it. it was before the break up and at times, i would read it over and over again.
we broke off at 11/06/2010. must write it down incase if it ever get delete away. the things of her still at my house and i cant seem to dispose them. another dilemma is that, should i keep it as a memory or others.

anyway, the important part now is about the messages in my phone. it had already reached 2000+ , it was few months. i wasn't really able to force myself to delete them away.

right now, i'm like giving myself excuses for it as well.i should straighten my thoughts soon.

why must everyone try to please those around them and not to be who they really are?
hypocrites. when they are mad, that who they really are. too many of us is trying to hard to please everyone around them. take a break, please yourself.

i have many things in my head but i cant seem to get them out. sometime i would wish say everything out.


well. the reason get clearer every time why we wouldn't get back. was it that it's human nature that everyone is selfish. people want the best for themselves and they would sacrifice others for it. sound like me but i hold my stand.

i had to admit that such person are really clever. they just happen to be there at the right time and the right place. like a example i heard, after the breakup, the friend came in to console and everything changed. oh well, this is why girls always like such people as they know how to use their words, how to talk with girls.

unlike people of my kind, aren't good with words. just like to say what we can do and not for the sake of doing it. we always lose out to such people that have the ability the sweet talk but then, we too have a advantage point. we only say what we can do. or i would say what i can only do. i dont make empty promises, i'm more of a honest person. i find it hard to do brag about things. or perhaps i wasnt 'trained' to do such ways. oh well, there is why there are always flirts around. the power of words just scare you.

i came to realise words actually have a very big impact on a person. especially if you're someone close to them, your words matter a lot.

i'm not a person that like to say stuff face to face, i cant find the courage to do so. or i should say, i cant find the courage to do alot of stuff.

sometime, i do think if it's due to my look and my size that i lose out.
i aint rich.
but sometime, someone had to sacrifice for the greater good. people always say that, if they're happy then it's worth it. but sometime, who would care about those that sacrifice, we too feel like you too.


do i really look depress? my friend said that. was it really so? was it that i really need you or you're just a want. was it that i still love you or i'm just not used without you around.

hanging on to a thin rope.

back from DIDM camp!! how cool can it be? very cool, where all the fun and laughters are. we exercised like mad. i'm waiting for my nightwalk photo which might be my new fb photos again.haha.
(all photos on fb)



yesterday went over to my aunt house for bonding session.in another words, it's majong session but it's still a bonding session with my grandma.
and my cousin bf was there. oh man, they were asking me about my ex gf. i sting after awhile and it kept coming back everytime i think about it.

am i not used without your presence or i really needed you? i cant seem to understand too. i just know at some point, i really misses you.

i sort of flunk my UT for today. i looked at my drawing i cant help laughing.
oh well. DIDM camp coming soon tho. well. life kind of good for now tho it's missing something. eventually, it's all good.

after every break up, you tell yourself that the best has yet to come. but when the next one come, how do you know this is the best and the one?

康康 離開了 LYRICS


作詞：康晉榮 作曲：康晉榮 編曲：鍾興民/蔡科俊 口白：楊巧寧

口白：在你眼裡我只是小孩子　我不管做什麼你都不滿意
　　　我知道你都不滿意　我只是努力
　　　我只是努力想要你高興　但是你都不開心
　　　我不管做什麼你都不開心　我真的很愛很愛你阿

這次妳真的要離開了　妳決定這樣放手
放在心裡的一些回憶　妳說妳不再提起

我們的愛無法繼續　有人慢慢的將我代替
代替我給妳幸福快樂　我捨不得又能如何

我們的愛走到谷底　沒關係我會好好的
我會徹底的選擇逃避　忘記妳談何容易

我和妳還是站在原地　我聽見哭泣的妳
我已經盡了最大努力　妳說妳不再考慮

我們的愛無法繼續　有人慢慢的將我代替
代替我給妳幸福快樂　我捨不得又能如何

我們的愛走到谷底　沒關係我會好好的
我會徹底的選擇逃避　忘記妳談何容易

我們的愛走到谷底 (你覺得我很幼稚　我是很幼稚阿)
沒關係我會好好的 (我只是努力努力想要長大　想要你開心而已)
我會徹底的選擇逃避 (我真的很愛很愛你阿)
忘記妳談何容易

我和妳還是站在原地　我聽見哭泣的妳
我已經盡了最大努力　這次妳真的離開了

yesterday was a real depressing day.my ex sms me telling me tons of reasons not to get together.

i cant remember all the reasons. i could remember that i said that we should meet to talk or something related to that and she said that we can either leave it hanging this way till another guy enter our life and forget the past or talk about it. how comforting that sound. and yes, i have feelings. i do joke but it is often that we're treated the worse. everyone thought we're strong but we're too emotional being.we too, can feel...

i cant seem to remember another reason. but i remember she said that she had no more confident in rs anymore. god knows, she meant it or not for the way she phrase it, i dont know what's truth.
which reminds me of a story, a classic break up story. the guy wanted to break up so he goes up to the girl calmly and told her that he wanted to break up.he then tell her how bad he was, not suitable for her, not worth for her. then after that, he walks off. it's like a typical story where the guy wanted to find another girl and he still wants to be friend with that girl. i dont know, but it's really common.
am i hinting that this is applying to me? i dont know but it just rings a bell in my head.

you have no confident in the rs when you no longer love that person.

i remember few days back. i told her the problems that i wouldnt want to go back with her. i'm struck in a dilemma between friends and gf. i told her that and few days later, she told me the exact same reasons. no wonder they always say bros over hoes.
so much for being upfront and honest. well, some people are just not so suitable to be truthful too.


you're both my angel and demon. =(
when we get together, you told me that you see us getting married.so right now, she told me that we wasnt suitable for each other. she brings me high up in the sky and ditch me right there.

suddenly reminds me of the watch that i brought for her for the 6th month anniv. it's still here with me but i cannot confirm it would be here always.

i was never this hearbreak.i swear.


i have many more thoughts running tho my mind now. typing it out wouldnt change the facts that i'm sad and you have move on.well, perhaps i should. this heartbreak might come back time after time. but one day, i would move on, eventually. =/

here i am, at the chalet with my laptop and tapping internet connection. everyone around here is almost asleep and it's only day 1. i'm thinking to stay for how long as well. well, like often if chalet doesnt have anything to do then everyone would be yelling bored. but then, i was thinking why have a chalet when the main aim of it was to bond people. i dont know, that what i think chalet should be.


i was thinking, what if when i get you back. the person i knew wasnt there.you see, it's very funny. do you still feel the same for me or have you changed to see that you might not really need me that much.i dont know but i sometimes really do take you for granted.i think it's what the call, i needed you. no doubts, you painted colors in my life. i just dont know what to hold on to and what not to.

i want to let you know, that your heart is safe with me.but you're so busy nowadays for me. i dont know how to pop the question, could you ask it?

sometime, don’t you wish you had no friends? i dont know about you, but i do. many many things are deprive from our experience and i can tell you, my experience of it arent that good. and yes, i cried that day because i kept thinking about why people should have friends at time.

like i said before. people needed accompany no matter what.i realize no matter how it's real hard to be alone or perhaps it just take times to get used to it.i dont know but at least for me, i'm not still that used to being alone.

i can be alone for a whole day, a whole week struck with my computer. =(
today is a real bad day for me. i was planning to go home after UT. oh well, lucky i saw some friends.
the thoughts that came to me back then, were that if anyone was to talk to me. i would not take my own life but then, i realise it's GMH website that giving me this thought. too many people wanted to take their own life and now, a small part of me wanted to do the same. but it really means no harm; it serves as a motivation for me. But somehow today is the day that it serves as a bad motivation. =(

but it's ok, i'm just joking about it. taking my own life is definitely not my way of dying.like i always said, it's kind of stupid.



this few days, i'm getting pretty negative. i dont know is it regarding the environment or the people around me. i cant think positivity. for once, i can’t seem to find the reasons to be strong, to live life positivity. i dont know, i'm not a person of words. i dont know how to express my feelings well. but then, i think i express them though my actions. it's kind of obvious i guess, since they say i cant lie. i'm not a person of lies, i like the truth. i like to speak the truth. i lie only because i had to protect someone. if not, i really choose not to lie.
today, i asked why, why my life was like that. i sat down and cried. i couldn’t understand why. why is my life like that? i cant help it, i was really feeling negative. i watched the Watchmen yesterday night, the character called Rorschach. i like the idea of his character and the way he do things.


why’ve you always saying such stuffs. why’ve you always saying acting on a strong front. why must it sound like i'm in the wrong only? i dont like this but i can’t find courage to tell you face to face, why? for the fear of hurting you hurt me. this is why i choose to keep quiet. but your words sometime pull me down.i dont get it, i just dont get it.
they says, just have a clear conscious. but the problem is, do you even enjoy of being maligned? was it that humans would sacrifice their conscious so that they wouldnt be maligned. was it human pride that haunts them.i dont know. i couldnt answer it.
they always say people assume things, they assume cause they're lacking of the guts to ask it. and sadly, for this instance i'm assuming it to be me. so fear not if it's not me.


no doubt, i really understand you better right now. the best way to really understand is to really experience it firsthand. i did and i know.
they say i'm not an emotional person but clearly, we all knew that everyone would be emotional somehow, just rather we're willing to show it or not.
deep down, i know i'm those types of guys that will cry their guts over when their days get real bad and there is no one to understand them. like not say the type of guys, let just say what i think i'm. i think that i would cry myself over accumulating sadness or events. i dont remember what really happen at that point of time. but sometime, when you're feeling down. you could just feel the past sadness or 委屈 you had.

yes, i'm feeling real negative recently, perhaps due to my fever + sore throat i had. but no doubts, i would get myself up and start to love life. it is like once in a blue moon that you would see me here, feeling real down. if not most of the time, i would try to be strong and forget about it. i dont like remembering sad events.

i'm having my UT3 tomorrow at 830. i must not be late. for it makes a difference between i try and i must.

I was feeling sick recently and had to buy food for myself. I was whining my way there but then, I realize one thing. The image of my parents came into my mind. The thought of them came into it. They had to work/tidy for us with no complaints when they’re slightly sick.

Let just talk about my mum, she tidy the house and have to take care of the babies. Even the strongest get sick. But even so, they still had to work for their family. My mum would really stop doing the household when she really can’t take it anymore. It’s kind of sad when you see them lying on the bed. =`(

It makes me realize how lucky I’m to have such parents and that I should be happy instead of whining how sick I’m. Because when they're sick, they still do the chores. Unlike us, we're allowed to take 'off' from our studies.

We always whine about how much we’re suffering. We’re then blinded by our own deception that we’re the one that is really suffering.



The worst sacrifices are those unheard of.
They don’t talk much about it but we can feel and trust me. Humans are good at doing this. Some just deny it.

if i told you what is really in my mind, you wouldnt believe me either.

I really don’t know what I really want. They said I’m tough but then, I do cares. Just that at times, I don’t show it out. Why? Well, there isn’t really a need for me to show it out. It’s like; don’t let my problem be your problem.
but on a other note, I always enjoy giving bits and bits of advice to friends around but then, I don’t really wanted them to give me advice on what to do. Well, I always thought I knew what to do at that point which is why I don’t share my problems with others. I would find my own way to actually solve it or rather escape from it.

Time to time, I realize that I aren’t actually solving my problem but I’m just escaping from it. I put it behind the back of my head so that eventually, I would forget it.


I want to make your problem mine and not my problem yours. Why? Because I feel comfortable knowing that you trust me that much.


At times, I wonder why we still care. Why we are still affected? Are we still lingering on the past or are we just reluctant to give up.


Another problem is that, why’ve always guys taking the first step. Why cant the girls just start to take the first step, do the things right.
“What meant to be would be”, on a second thought, it might be just bull. I came to realize that it’s actually a reason that we told ourselves so that we wouldn’t continue to think about it.

Look out there, there’re many quotes out there that are addressing the same problem. Isn’t it just like excuses that we tell ourselves so that we could feel better?
It’s just excuses to comfort ourselves that if they’re the one then they would come back. Well, it’s what I’m thinking along. Have we ever realize that it actually take 2 hands to clap. Likewise, it’s not just going to happen when you just sit back and relax. You had to do something so that it would actually work out the way you wanted it to be. And this is why, we, should sometime stop giving ourselves why things happen this way.
Try to take the first step, it work wonders.

I came to realize I might really need help at times. Everyone are not born strong, we just choose to be strong to face the reality.

they say i'm unbreakable, it's not the truth.
the truth is that i refuse to be break.
the truth is that i refuse to give in.

Everyone thinks I'm unbreakable.

All my friends say that no insults, put-downs, or verbal abuse will get through to me.

But the truth is, I'm actually a very sensitive person, and any little negative comment you make hurts me . One day I hope someone will understand the words, 'used to it'.

But until then, I hide under this mask of invincibility.

i missed the bombing of basses.


had a little 'mischap' during driving today. i made it a point to go with my dad for the 7th month dinner, so he could drink till his fill unless the past. where he cannot drink as he had to drive. oh well, i talked like a saint, telling people the good point of me only. i think that humans, they're born to see their good sides only.

I'm afraid that I made a mistake when I told you to move back for me.

It just doesn't feel the same anymore.

I'm not sure if I still love you.

a/eric; strawberry lipgloss girl

i want a leather watch.
i might want a iphone.
i want new t-shirts.
i want new shoes.
i want a new hairstyle.
i want to graduate.

there're many 'i want' but none of them are going to be true till you work hard for them.


Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.

happy 20Th birthday DANNY~
had a little BBQ at jaron's condo and it was great. well, prolly due to the people there. as usual, we had a swimming session and a cake smashing session which i was not taking part in it. i just lied. oh well, how could i miss such fun. anyway, i was being sabo to get into the water and i tried to hold on to things that i could possibly find and lucky, the guard walked past and i was saved! well, it's 7Th month now, i don't really want to get into the water at night.

and next was the cake smashing session, Andy was the grossest of all. his acts are indescribable.
and that ends off with nothing much already


well, if you guys been following. i had a dream of this strawberry lip-gloss girl that i dream of due to a clip i watched online.
and today, i didn't know if it is true or what, but i just saw this similar girl in my dream. it's pretty hard to confirm whether is it her because it's a dream and they don't have much facial features on it..


and i was thinking, does the strangers in your dream are having the same dreams as you? if that is so, are that strawberry lip gloss girl having the same dream? a dream that makes me feel sweet at times. anyway, this girl look almost exactly like her. even the height. and this made me real HYPE!


but now, i just remember that there are many people with a similar look around the world. but i would ignore it and enjoy while i can.


they call it eye-candy, i call it my strawberry lip-gloss.

ya, it stings for awhile after what you post.

but i realise, we acutally dont really know each other thoughout these years. we didnt knew about each other well, or i should say its a superficial thing.

anyway, i think i got things to say and now i would say. for once, i really wanted to know you from the start because i find that i dont remember what you like anymore, what you love anymore.i would want to start as a friend and no, i wont tell you directly because i'm not a direct person.i like to beat around the bush hoping you get me. but anyway, doesnt really matter much now, you should just move on, and so should me we're better just friends, i suppose.

for some reasons, i'm addicted to tau huey. or i should say i'm actually addicted to selegie tau huey because when i was young, i love to eat tau huey. oh well, real often, i would go to eat tau huey with my tau huey partner.HAHAHA


it would been real good if you had something of her in you and we're so much better. but if its really so, then you aren't the person you're suppose to be. if you know, how much i love such interaction, we're so much better together. =/
or perhaps, it was me along. keeping you away from my heart, rejecting you,i don't know why, but such topics doesn't seem to come between us at all. all this years, i don't know why but we never had even talked about it, not even once.
i think it's really me, i started keeping myself close to myself, not to let anyone know about me as i would know about you. i suppose it really me that needed a change, but i cant seem to maintain the change for long. or i should say, i don't wish to change.

there are many things that could be done, just a want or a need.
and now the thing is, i don't know if i'm better with or without you.
i don't wish to lose a friend like her.
i'm greedy, i wanted the best for myself. but have i really think for others? i doubt so, if i had, i wouldn't be in a dilemma. but if i think about others, would they think for me? which is yet another dilemma.


meanwhile, let such things remains the way for it is now. i cant seem to find a way to get the best of it.



what love; deem love. i cant seem to get the hold of it. was it being together happy with someone called love?

i like to drink water with a big bowl.

doesnt matter if she is a ah lian or what-so-ever.
what difference must there be if she is really a good friend?

we use our heart to feel, not our eyes to see.
late night insanity.

FYP is over, it's finally over.

when i would have the mood to drive out at night aimlessly =/
and i'm somehow afraid of driving around aimlessly, i feel weird for no particular reason. and i want to fetch people around but i'm afraid to let them bet their life on me. this is some scary shit and i really need to find the courage to drive around aimlessly.
or just one night, i would really stop thinking and start driving. just one fine day.

a man that make those beautiful eyes cry isn't worthy for you.

sometime, i would wake up hoping to see a text in my phone.


should i stop doing anything and fail my fyp? because i myself cant seem to find the effort i put in.




hi, can we be friends? can i know you?

do you miss him?
do you breath?



i feel like quitting school.i feel like quitting life.
i started finding excuses for whatever i do.
if only those empty talks of mine could come real.

over the time, when you started running from everything and when you decided to come back. you would realise everything changed.
you couldnt express yourself because you dont do so.
it's just a mixture of feeling of which i cant make up of.i dont know if it was joy or sadness because i couldnt really differentiate between both right now.
that's what happen when you stored everything into a bottle. you cant really tell the difference.


i always expect others to meet my expectation. but why i never expect myself to meet their expectation?
i find myself become more and more demanding, more and more greedy. human greeds is like a blackhole, it aint gonna stop.


told to follow my heart, it told me that i shouldnt ask for too much in return.

when i was young, i would hide in the cupboard to detach myself from the world for awhile.
i always wanted to sit longer but the fear of my mum thinking that i was abnormal scares me. perhaps, i'm really abnormal but i wouldn't want them to know.

"my empty talks are just like the vast ocean, it never stops."

"i recalled my past and look at the present. it was shit and it still is."

"i sat at the place where national players are supposed to sit.a photographer came over and asked, arent that place for national players? i stood up and shouted into his face, cant a fat man be a national player?"

I think the "Seven Wonders of the World" are:

1.- To see
2.- To hear
3.- To touch
4.- To taste
5.- To feel
6.- To laugh
7.- To love


The things we overlook as simple and ordinary and that we take for granted are truly wondrous! A gentle reminder -- that the most precious things in life cannot be built by hand or bought by man.


"those that're born with physical defects doesn't mean they don't feel."

"Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting
And rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are
and Look for the good in them.

"to make friendship last one should purposely stress friends' merits and avoid exposing their demerits."


如果我喜欢上了你，我该怎么办？
为什么你不回答我？
为什么原来你要对我那么好？
为什么现在的你不再是原来的你？
也许只是你成熟了
只有我一个人还在梦中的童话里
你永远都不会知道那时你的好
伤我现在有多深

如果我喜欢上了你，我该怎么办？
我还要继续喜欢你无论是否有结果吗？
或是不在继续？
把爱深藏在心里？
你不能给我答案
我自己也没有答案
在迷茫中度过一天又一天

好想好想去买醉
好想大哭一场
我告诉自己时间会让我看淡一切
回到属于我的地方
寻找属于我的爱

如果我喜欢上了你，我该怎么办？
我最后决定转身远离你
让自己得到一片净土

男人的谎言可以欺骗女人一夜，女人的谎言能欺骗男人的一生，婚姻非儿戏，请三思而行

未来那么长,长到足够让我忘记你.足够我重新用力地喜欢一个人,就像当初喜欢你一样

我们应该记得有一种爱叫做放手

幸福靠自己，除了学会放弃！我们还要学会坚持！

时间在变,人的思想也跟着在改变,只有在当时去好好珍惜,以后才不会后悔!既然是过去式了,就要懂得怎么去遗忘``````

有首歌唱的好：“有一种爱叫做放手。”其实有些东西真正得到了你也许不会去珍惜，会觉得它不在有你理想中的那么美了，所以只有适当的放手才会使它更美。而且不要因为忘不了而去爱一个人，那样会使真正爱你的人受伤，因为在你忘的过程中会比较两个人，而在比较的过程里是用想忘人的好比爱你人的不足，这样也会对你爱的人会照成伤害！所以忘不了而去爱一个人是要在一定条件下去做的，这个条件就是你真正决定要放手要放弃的决定。

爱她的话就让她走吧……感情的事勉强不来的放手了，才会发现原来天是蓝的走出过去，永远得不到将来……说不定会伤了另一个爱你的人……

horror scares me just like reflection of humanity.


i never dare to watch horror movies by myself, for what i watch often haunts me in my dreams.
i always choose the comedy genre because i wanted to be happy instead of being gloomy and i looked everywhere for the strength to be happy and feel happy everyday.i looked at inspirational movies/posters/pictures to find motivation everyday.
it just then i realise, i was finding reasons to keep myself alive. i was finding reasons to become someone i'm not. i'm trying to change myself unknowingly.

we're afterall humans, we do have feelings even when "we're happy go lucky".please do respect us, as well.



blog is suppose to be a area where you unfold your darkest secrets. but, i never allow it to be unfold. because fear is eating me inside out.
from young , i felt that i should rely on myself and now still.


my life is in a horror because i see the truth of humanity.
what haunts you forever. i couldnt answer because i realise that everything haunts for me forever.