"Randy Castro is in the First Grade. But, at the ripe old age of six, he’s been declared a sex offender... he slapped a classmate on her bottom."

"Randy has fallen at the first hurdle here. When I was six I was getting pussy left and right, and so can Randy, if he follows these simple steps.

Firstly he needs to improve his self-esteem by getting a job he enjoys, picking up some fashionable new clothes, and going to the gym to do something about his paunch. If he’s bald, Randy should wear it like it makes him who he is.

Then he needs to go to a cocktail bar and strut in like he owns the damn place. When the waitress brings him his third margarita, he should say to her "Hey, are you stalking me?"

Remember, women want what they can’t have. So instead of slapping her ass like a Turk, Randy should demonstrate lack of interest by throwing her a couple of “negs”. Negs are comments intended to lower the target’s self-esteem to the point where she will consider sleeping with you. Something like, “You don’t sweat much for a fat chick.” Or “You smell like my gardener in South Africa.” She’ll be intrigued.

Then you just talk crap about palm-reading and astrology for twenty minutes, and you’re in.

That will be $2,000, please."


A bald man with a woman. Nice work, baldy!