Out with the old & IN with the new
---------------------------------------------
Spent the whole day throwing out all the junk in that has been collecting dust in my room!

Didn't know that i had a whole bunch of posters under my study table..
Looks like itz been there for years.
Sheesh!

And then moved around the furniture... and found myself a laptop table..

And then... yup.. a new blogskin i suppose..

I really dread bringing forward the problems that i have to the new year..
but.. oh well... some probz are just inevitable..
It just had to follow me through the new year.
It just had to be brought forward.

So anywayz.. Why am i not at the countdown?

hmm.. i wonder..

Well...

I'm not sure myself.

Oh well.

I'm kinda uploading a new video on youtube.

Check it out ok.

This is for u Sofieah & Sani!

dreading it
------------
I'm sick and tired..

of everything.

every single darn thing that has happened.

to me.

how i wish...

i could be back when i was in primary school...

never did i thought i would grow up to be like this.

help.

i just need someone to help me to give me solutions to all my problems.

I've officially created so much chaos in a day that i'd ever done before.

i'm officially the person that could make u like and hate me, within a split second.

well that's me.

me.

Ze Drama
-----------
Boy and girl was walking at the MRT interchange, girl was already in deep thoughts, about events that's been happening. And on top of all the problems girl really wants to tell Boy that she doesn't like boy(althought they've been gg out for the past 2 mths).

And so, girl suddenly exploded in the crowd of many and began saying,

girl : "I can't do this anymore.."

boy looking blur;
boy : "huh? what did u just said?"

girl tried to be calm and repeated;
girl : "I said... i can't do this anymore."

boy : "aha.. then don't do it lah.."

girl stopped walking;
girl : "I can't do THIS ANYMORE!"

boy tried to understand the situation;
boy : "eh.. hold on.. we can seat first then talk.."

girl had enough of boy's stupidity;
girl : "Don't u get it??!! I said I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS! And i can't do THIS anymore!"

girl started walking away and fast as she could and just wanted to be home ASAP.
but boy tried to stop her;
boy : "eh wait lah.. we can sit and talk abt ur prob.."

Girl was like thinking "OMG! Y do guyz find it so hard to understand us women?! Do i have to spell it out for u???! OMG!!! ARGH!"

Girl finds it so damn frustrating.. My prob?? I was referring to YOU!!!

Anywayz girl just walked as quickly as possible and queued up for the bus.
Boy followed.
boy : "hey.. r u ok onnot?"

girl just turnd away and rolled her eyes.

ARGH!!!!

In the bus, girl was almost crying. But she hold on to the tears that had been there since the afternoon...

Boy tred to stand really close to her and looked into her eyes;
boy : "r u ok?"

girl almost shouted right at his face "CAN'T U PLZ STOP ASKING ME THAT??!! OF COURSE IM NT OK! WILL U BE OK IF UR FRIEND IS AT THE HOSPITAL FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE! AND THE PERSON U LOVE IS HAS BEEN IGNORING U! AND U R ABT TO TELL UR ADMIRER THAT U DUN WAN TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP! TELL ME, WILL U BE OK??!!"

ARGH!

Then girl reached her stop. Guy followed.

Again;
boy : "eh.. u sure u ok onnot.."

girl just continued walking.

At the lift lobby;
boy : "eh.. we just sit ard and talk k. i need to talk to u."

girl looking all damn seriously pissed and freaking boiled up;
girl : no. i said i wanna go home.

boy pulled girl's hand;
boy : "plz. can we just talk?"

girl shoved boy's hand off and stomped into the lift.

Boy was left there.

Dumbfounded.

Itz me.. me.. and.. me
----------------------------
Let's make it a ME post, shall we?

Went out with Ameera..

To Bugis first then to dhoby ghaut... then to yew tee...

Couldn't really find my skirt(we did find but itz over my budget)..

But Ameera purchased 4 cools jeans!!! At the same shop!

Gosh... i wish i could have done that.

Anywayz, pics time.

*Alert : Fiza pics loading.





The 'jap-bun' that didn't really make the cut... Sheesh...

The 'bitch' in my is out... Kinda..
-------------------------------------

Nah.. i sort of try to be deviant for once.. Dressing up like a b**** i suppose..
All because of that person..
But yesterday... i just had to let it all out..
And express myself through my dressing...
So what do u think i was feeling...???
Dressing like --------------->
Seriously.. I think i look like a sl**.
I mean with those black stockings...
And.. erm.. im nt exactly wearing a mini-skirt..
Just that my blouse covered 3/4 of the skirt...
So... erm. yah..
There u have it... An act of deviance... by me.



Keeping myself busy
---------------------
Since yesterday, yesh, the very dramatic day...

I've been trying to get myself busy.

Today.. The whole day, i was constantly doing something.

Never did i allow myself to just sit around do nothing.. and... ponder about stuff that's been going on around me. What a waste of time, rite?

So... Let's see... In the morning... did some networking stuff..

Then starting from 1plus... been doing the house chores...
Cleaning...
Washing...
Doing the laundry(washing/hanging/folding)...
Cooking...
Then more cleaning...

Then at about 3plus... did some more networking stuff...

Then in the evening did my sociology quiz...

Chat up with some friends...

And now... doing a little singing...

before i go to sleep in abt 30mins time...
coz i seriously need my 8hrs of sleep...

Oh yah, i was transferring pics from the main PC to my lappy...
And i did find some interesting and memorable pics..
Which.. i shall post them...

Now.. perhaps..
This was taken early this year.. maybe in march i guess... After lunch at secret recipe...
Miss ya gurlz!
Sofieah.. u be strong... ok!

Taken with my fellow Talent Quest participant...
He looks like JAY CHOU...
Seriously.My class... of 2 years now... Taken after lunch at Pizza Hut Tampines Mall... Luv diz pic!
After our class BBQ at East Coast... In Macrh...

Last year... After our first ever KBOX outing... great day!

Case..Solved.
-----------------
"I'm fine"

OMG!!!

Is that all he can say after his absence of one week???!!!

"I'm Fine."

Gosh!!!

ok then. Since you said you're fine,

then, itz FINE with me as well.

Argh!!!

And he can't even be bothered to msg/call me to tell me that he's going off to KL...

Argh!!!

Not to worry, i'm FINE with it.

Believe me, i'm FINE.

I'm doing juz.. FINE!!!

Problems solved!(almost)
--------------------------
So last night at about 10plus, i tried sleeping but just couldn't.. so, i tried to solve my hp mystery.. And so.. i tried very hard to dismantle the entire hp trying to take take out the sim-card and insert it back.. but unfortunately i only get so far as to 'half-opened' the back cover... but of course, before doing that, i'd switched off the hp first ah... So since i'm not capable of dismantling the 'fragile' hp... i just gave up and switched on the hp back...

And...

Withing a few seconds...

I was receiving msgs!!! A whole lot of it.. and i was like, "Yay!!! My hp's alive!!!"

So.. i was eager to know the sender of each msgs... So i kept scrolling down to see the names.. And. i receive msgs from as early as 23rd Dec... And.. yah... so... i kina didn't see the msg i was hoping to get, so... guess what... i switched it off and on again...

And...

It worked, again, and i was still receiving the msgs that i was supposed to get for the past 4 days or so... After erm.. maybe... abt... 20msgs or so, i still didn't find the msg that i was yearning to see... So... yup... i switched it off and on, yet again.

But this time, it wasn't successful....

No more msgs...

So.. yah.. of course i was disappointed.. but.. erm.. yah.. maybe itz meant to be like that...

And just as i was dozing off.. at about 12.30am... I received another msg.. and i almost dropped the hp coz i was TOO EXCITED... then... disappointed once again, dawned upon me. It was from someone else, that was sent to me on 23rd dec....

Gosh...

So anywayz... this morning.. i've decided to try my luck in fixing the router problem... So... I plug off all the cables that was connected to the modem, router and pc... And inserted the installation CD, once again, and tried to install back... And the cables were giving me a hard time coz I'm not so sure where itz supposed to be connected.. so.. i spent about.. nearly an hour doing that...

And...

Yes, itz fixed!! Wohoo!!!

So.. i guess 2 of my probz are settled... And so.. im left with just ONE... The ONE that actually began all this chaos... And till now.. itz still unsolved..

Ok.. What do you think might have happened... IF,

You read a msg which says,

"Sudah lah... Yang sudah tu sudah
Jangan lah dikenang..."

"Let bygones be bygones

No point thinking too much about it"

OMG!!!

What does that mean????

Does that mean, something happened TO HIM...

Does that mean, something happened and had AFFECTED HIM...

Gosh... I really, really wanna know.

I'm so.. not gonna have a goodnite's sleep for the next few days or so...

So.. erm...

I guess... 1 MORE DAY to go...

Until... i .... take serious action!

it sucks.. big time!
------------------------
OMG!!!

The router's giving me a big headache..
One moment itz working and the next itz not!!!
Gosh!!!

Then last night i finally realised why my hp had been so quiet lately..
That's because.. I can't receive msgs!!!
Itz giving me the same problem, yet again!
No wonder itz been lazing around collecting dust!
Looks like i've got to visit the doctor and Borders soon, to get it fixed!
Gosh!!!

And...
2 more days...
Till i totally freak out
&
Face the ugly, ugly, truth.
Gosh!!!

Waiting
-----------
3 more days i guess...

Until i totally freak out.

Yup.

Till thurs then.

Now i know
-----------------
I just understood something about myself recently.

Now i know why i would binge.

And that's bcause i'm SUPER worried & SUPER sad!!!

Yup.

Others binge because they're stres up, but not me.

OMG! I can't take this anymore. Its really, really unacceptable.

Just 5mins ago, i just had the most evil desert ever!

Imagine this, a cup filled with chocolate milk, spoonful of chocolate ice-cream & 2 spoonful of chocolate chip ice-cream, then topped with a spoonl of MILO and... COCOA CRUNCH!!!OMG!!

As i indulge into the devilicious desert, i was feeling guilty but somehow, i kinda felt 'loved'. I know it sounds terribly wrong but i do. You know those ads whereby couples would eat ice cream to invoke a sense of romance or wadea they call it... Crazy isn't it? Oh gosh! I'm going nuts. seriously.

I really, really wonder what happened. I hope he's doing ok. I just hope he's just busy. That's all.

Call me, ok.

I'm worried about you.

I have to stop this eating madness.

What's going on?
----------------------
I thought things were going on pretty well..

but i guess not.

Somehow today felt very, very intense and emotional.

Today i woke up feeling extremely hungry..

Ate rice for breakfast, then had like 5 kaya toasts then followed by more servings of rice for lunch.. then more kaya toasts.. Gosh.. I've not eaten like that for a long time. Recently my appetite has been decreasing really badly but i've got nothing to complain about that coz somehow it helps me to maintain my weight as it is... But.. occasionally, like today, i'd tend to eat in huge servings like i used to.. Hmm.. must be because of recent events...

For the past 2 months, i kinda felt as though i'm a changed person. I mean its like, somehow i'm not so conscious about myself as i was before.. In the past, seriously i have like the lowest self-esteem ever! But now, as i grew older, i began to accept things as it is and trying my best not to portray my past to the people aroun me, epecially to those whom i just met.

But then again, i felt as though i'm trying a little too hard.. I know it sounds pathetic but somehow i just feel the need to do that.

You may say i'm not being honest and that i'm a total fake but, its easy for you to say that about me coz the fact is, there's nothing wrong with you and that's why you find it hard to accept people like me, who needs multiple disguises. Of course, nobody would understand.

I myself, find it ridiculous having to do all that. But, that's me. The life that i'm suppos to lead, i guess...

I've got many 'wants' but i'm not so sure that its linked to 'needs'...

Maybe my 'wants' are just stuff that will kinda allow me to be accepted more to the public and society but, i don't necessarily 'need' them to justify all that.

Perhaps i'm trying to take the short-route to get to my destination.

Initially i was extremely elated when he's there. But now, i'm not so sure...

I may do more harm to him then to actually dote on him..

But by letting him go, once again i'm telling myself that i'm being a coward and failure.

I know at some point of time, we'd have to take risks. Maybe this is one of it.

Coz if i don't take this risk, it'll lead to a long-term emotional damage...

But right now, i don't really care about how i feel. Its him that i worry about.

I hope he's alright.

I surely hope that the truth will be out on day.

It might not be real soon.. but.. one day.

I'd really love to post recent pics.. but.. my laptop's really giving me probz.. so.. maybe next time.

So...

What's your favourite colour?

not as bad
--------------
This aren't as bad as i thought it'd be...

In fact, we're are relatively fine..

Going pretty well i suppose...

Oh yah.. me juz got me laptop today!

And frustration stood by me for the first 30mins or so!

Firstly i couldn't connect to my wireless connection due to some authentication error or sumthin.

but managed to solve it after banging my head onto the wall. (yah...rite..)

and then my cds couldn't be read...

bt.. again, i managed to solve it after crying...(coz i was seriously damn frustrated!)

Just imagine urself coming hm from orchard.. then hoping that the laptop that u've charged for almost 10hrs would be ready to use.. but NO... u had to endure all those difficulties.. argh!

But now... everything's ok i guess...

I'm ok..

He's ok..

And.. itz ok..

Why???
---------
OMG.. I'm like so devastated right now..

How could something so right.. go so.. WRONG?!

OMG!OMG!OMG!

AAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Gosh.. it alwayz seems to happen to me, doesn't it.

Alwayz.

Why?

I have no freakin' idea!

I will seal u in my heart.
-------------------------------
Yesterdays' memories were great! And i'll totally cherish and remember every single thing that happened last night.

Thanks for making my wish come true.

Last minute shopping for that blue top! And i was glad i found it!

Tanx a million to all
----------------------
Hey hey.. was suppose to study for a major test.. but.. sumhow i landed down here.. so.. ahah.. sumhow had the urge to view the comments in my friendster.. and.. gosh.. didn't know i had those sweet-sweet comments from my dearest family & friends... Thanx a lot everyone! U guyz really made me *blush*! I couldn't stop smiling.. From the bottom of my heart thanks for being there for me and being a good friend. Luv ya guyz!

Oh yah.. currently i'm like so... IN LURRVVVEE... with this beautiful song.. sang by a really beautiful young lady(only 18yrs) Taylor Swift. And the song is, "Teardrops on my guitar".

U guyz shud really check it out.

The video clip was really cool and very close to many of our hearts i reckon.

k den.

Better start exercising or rather torturing my brain now!!!

Laterz.

Someone plz... punch me!!!
-----------------------------------
OMG!!! Is this for real??? I'm like so damn ecstatic right now!!! Someone puhleeezzzz punch me right now!!!! Gosh... I only thought this kinda things happen only in the movies. Seriously.

And believe me.

I'm glad to be part of it.

Yay!!!

Pondering...
-------------------

Is it for real???

I really hope its for real this time round.

Coz i feel it.

Itz different.

I'm sick and tired of waiting and which resulted in disappointment.

So i hope you are real.

For me.

it works it mysterious ways..
------------------------------------

My life has really, really been pretty hectic... not hectic with work or anything like that.. Just hectic with emotions, feelings... matters of the heart.. One moment i'm sobbing, devastated, disappointed... and the next.. a sense of hope appears out of no where.. as if being sent from above. Really. I mean... as i was healing from my lowest moments of my life... he was introduced to me... And since then, whenever i see him, i couldn't stop smiling... And somehow i'll have be happy the moment i saw him. And seriously speaking, i've not had those kind of emotions/feelings for a very, very long time.. And the truth is... Eversince our first introduction, i kinda.. thought about him... being a very, very good candidate. Seriously. He's charming, humorous, super-nice & friendly.. and.. a definite plus-point, he can drive!!! but a downturn would have to be... he smokes.. bt.. dats nuthin major lah.. And he's also kinda shy with gals.. really, he doesn't talk much around gals.. and he did admit, he's shy.. and sumhow.. dat's a plus point too! hehe.. itz like so mysterious.. so.. the more you wanna know about him, the more, u'll have to approach him.. But he kept saying he loves his single life.. haiz.. But.. i just feel at ease, every time i see him.. sumhow i'll become this calm person with no problems.. And the moment he talks to you, you would want the conversation to go on.. and on... and on... and.. erm yah.. u know what i mean.. aaahh... i bet he doesn't even realise that he's the one that most gals are loooking for!!! Funny chap! Don't even know that he's in the 'WANTED' list..!!! sheesh..

Random pics.. taken yesterday and today...
Before going to school..

2 different looks.. 2 different day..
for the SAME purpose..!

random thoughts
-----------------------
He's still in the hospital..
He's still lying there..
He's still struggling to communicate with his loved ones.

She's still there.
She's still by his side.
She's still loving him as always.

But...

No more were the crappy jokes.
No more were his sarcastic laughter.
No more were his direct opinions.

It really just seemed like yesterday, was when the 3 of us were at KFC, joking around.. talking about hari raya... talking about going to geylang...

If not for my phonecall a few weeks ago, i wouldn't have known till now.

I know she's a strong girl, but, there's only so much she can take.

I feel so helpless. All i can do is to blog about him and her. I couldn't be there, meeting his needs, taking care of him.

Everytime i see him struggling just to get to move his body to the other side of the bed, i'd have a flashback of how he used to stretch his body till it lead to a 'crack' sound... bt all he could do now was to lay on the bed, waiting for people to carry him and move his body around.

People would always say, i have so much time.. i can do that tomorrow.

But have you ever thought, of whether that tomorrow would ever come for you or the other person?

Been Crying....
---------------------
Viewed his profile yesterday... And looking at the pics i started to get really emotional... Throughout his 87 pics.. I juz kept on crying... He'll be missed dearly by many. Especially his family members. Namely his sis. I have an elder brother too and i'm really close to him as well. Eventhough i'm not related to him, i too, feel the loss. And i couldn't control the emotions soon after reading the comments given by his friends.. I couldn't hide the tears anymore and i had to run out to my room and locked the door and continued crying for the next 15mins or so. And then i took out the old sec shool yearbooks.. And there he was... and soon.. i started to remember things.. The times when i saw him in school... The times when i saw him walking to school... The times when he was joking around with his friends... All day long i kept thinking of him. And on that day, i was so restless... Even my mum commented that i looked shagged. But i just couldn't control my emotions. I could juz stare blankly at the tv and juz started crying all over again... eventhough itz a comedy that was shown... It felt as though i've been in this state before... then it dawned me that.. i went through this about 5 yrs ago when both my grandmothers passed away within the same month..

But i know that GOD loves them more. So all i can do is to just accept it. And i did. Eventually. But recently... i'm really saddened by all the news that i'm getting regarding my friends and loved ones. About more than a month ago, a fren's sis died in an accident... Shortly after that a close friend was hospitalized. And recently a schoolmate passed away... It'll take me some time to process and that's been happening. But with all these recent events that's happened, it really changed my view on friendship, relationship and the family values. And i really do cherish every single one of them. Everyone that has touched my heart and are part of my life.

Oh and juz now... watched an Indonesian movie "DEALOVE"... and.. ah.. another sad story... And.. i juz don't understand those people... All the actors are good looking peeps but sumhow there'll be characters who juz won't accept the other persons love. I mean, shouldn't hunks be attracted to babes and vice-versa???! Sheesh... i juz dun understand... I mean, in real situation the 'simple-people' are trying their very hard to attract those babes or hunks.. and some may be even lucky enough to get what they wanted... bt.. sadly for some, it ain't happening. I really wanted to be like the lead actress... I mean, eventhough the boyfriend eventually died, but at least she had experienced a true love which kinda ended tragically... but still, she had her brother's fren who was in lurve with her eversince he saw her... Well.. if u guyz... i mean.. erm.. gals.. haven't watch it, u shud. I know itz an old movie... but.. indeed... shud go watch it..

okz then.. i guess after the much needed crying yesterday... i think i feel better. Much better now. And so i think itz time for me to catch up on my studies. Till next time...

oh yah. listening to jay chou's new album now. u shud get it. Track 2, 5 & 10 are great. And of course, itz ballads!

We are as vulnerable as can be...
------------------------------------------
With the recent events that's been happening, i realized that we human, are vulnerable no matter how hard we tried be strong.

And that there's limits to everything and that there's only so much that we can bear.

An obstacle could be seen as something that'll make you stronger but also it could be something that would reveal your weakness and expose your vulnerability.

If someone close to you is in pain or suffering, the best thing you can do is not to cry in front of them. They are the ones bearing the pain and suffering and is strong enough to talk to you and share with you their pain and we'll be useless if all we could do was cry for them. Maybe we may not see how much tears they've shared but with the details in their content will let you realize how much they've really gone through.

For you, i'll be strong.

I'll pray that you'll recover soon & that you'll be able to tell me your lame jokes and sarcastic comments.

Hari Raye Updates..
---------------------------
Pics..? Nah.. Surprisingly we didn't take much.. or rather.. any of it. Coz.. first of all my eldest bro didn't manage to come home on the first day of raye.. Coz he was busy with his musical.. So, even if we did have a family photo.. itz not really complete.. So yah.. no pics... Well.. somehow.. raye seemed to be like a slow-moving occassion... But itz pretty much the same thing every year.. Juz that i chose a crappy kebaya.. and the kain kept riding up which was so damn irritating!

So anywayz.. for the past 2 weeks, i've been trying to gather as many primary skool mates as i can.. so dat we'll be able to go visiting to our cikgu's house... the last time we went there was about 3 years ago... And so.. yesterday was the day. And finally... managed to gather about 9 of us.. Which was not that bad.. coz at least there were 'new' faces... And when they came to my house to meet up.. apparently.. i didn't recognized one of them.. And while they're eating(i cooked laksa! wohoo!) i actually pointed out to him and asked them.. "hmm.. who's diz ah?" And the guyz were like laughing.."eh.. u ask him to come & u dunno who is he???!" And i was like.. "erm... Faiz ah?" And he's reply was..."I know lah... nw im handsome rite?!" AHAHA.. and throughout the night the joke kept spreading and i kept asking him whether he really was faiz... coz... he really changed.. he was my pri 5 & 6 classmate.. bt.. we didn't really talk much during those days... and so.. the last time we saw each other.. was perhaps.. 7 years ago! Bt eventhough we have not seen each other for more than 5 years... somehow we juz 'clicked' and managed to joke about primary skool dayz...

We reached our cikgu house at about 9pm... and i tell u it was hard work getting to his house! first we have to walk from one bus stop to another... then we had to climb up a hill... and walk all the way to the top! and then.. walked all the way to the last condo building... and go up to the very top floor and walk to the very last unit!!! And every 5 mins or so.. we called him up coz we're lost! and he's like.."dun worry.. i'll prepare pails of water for u guyz to drink!" And we commented to him, "Cikgu.. u really like privacy huh?!" ahah.. it was fun dere... we actually spent 3 hrs there!!! we recall all those memories in skool.. the activities we used to do.. all those little stuff... it was really nice... and so we left his place about 12plus.. ahaha.. then we reached the bus stop and was waiting for the bus.. only to realise that the last bus juz left 5 mins ago! so.. yah.. for us gals, luckily my fren's bf gave us a ride home.. so nice of him. i wish my 'bf' would do that! And the juz we left stranded there.. bt i think.. in the end they took a cab..

so.. yah.. we took a couple of pics at his house... so im juz waiting for him to email us the pics! Gosh.. that was so much fun!

Oh yah.. last wednesday.. i had my very first 'Sociology' tutorial... and my first impression was that "OMG! What have i gotten myself into...?!" Coz the class seemed to be in their very own little world.. and the students we scattered everywhere.. And there were no familiar faces at all! But.. after the ice-breaking game.. they were pretty alrite.. and they playing this memory game thing.. whereby.. we were supposed to say out and adjective starting with the letter of our name that we want to be called... And they'll go one round. and the next person will have to repeat those stuff belonging to the persons before him.. and each time comes to me.. they forgot.. first time i was like, "itz fiza.." the second time.. "fizaaa..." third time.."fiiiizaaaa lah.." ahah.. and there's diz guy.. his name was michael.. he didn't know wad adjective to use so he said "MARE-MARE MICHAEL!!!" And itz so freakin hilarious ah! Each time we come to him.. before we say it out we'll juz burst out laughing!!! I mean.. who wud have cum up with "MARE-MARE MICHAEL???!!!" ahahaa...! Seriously one of a kind!

But overall.. this week.. school was fine.. just that the first day of skool.. for the first 2 hours of lecture... i kinda slept through it! coz it basically juz introduction lectures.. not much content... so.. yah.. on a whole.. itz been a pretty good week.. oh yah.. i dun have skool every friday!!! yay!

itz time to let it all out...
--------------------------------
I think i've get too much emotions in me for the past 2 mths! and itz growing every single day.. i'm afraid if i don't let it out now, i'll just burst like a hot-air balloon one day! And that's such an ugly sight!

Let's begin with the recent events that has happened... A friend of mine, lost his sister to a road accident a few days ago. I received the news when i was at work. And i literally just stopped doing everything and just stared at the msg i received. I kept reading it over and over again. But it still showed the same msg. Itz so unexpected. My first thought was to really just call up my friend but unfortunately my boss was just right behind me, having his meeting... After an hour, the meeting was still on.. but i just couldn't wait any longer, so i msg my friend... And.. somehow i can just feel the saddened environment that the family have had.. coz he replied to me only that late afternoon. And yesterday, early morning about 3plus, he called me.. but i didn't answer coz i didn't wake up for my 'sahur' and so i didn't answer the call. And when i woke up, and saw the 'missed-call'.. i really really felt bad for not answering coz it felt as though he really needed someone to talk to... And the thing is, i'm not really good and consoling others... so.. all i could do.. was not to mention about the incident.. but to just talk to him as per normal..

Issit wrong to judge people by their looks? Issit wrong to wanna have a good-looking hunk walking next to you? Issit wrong to wanna have a good looking guy, walking next to you, and have a really cool and funky hairstyle??? Issit wrong to wanna have a good looking guy, whose walking next to you and have a nice hairstyle and on top of that, a good sense of humor???!!! Geez.. Well i guess itz really a lot to ask for... especially when you yourself isn't really the aishwarya-rai type.. or not even close to a giselle.. sheesh.. i guess i'm juz waiting for the right person to give me a tight slap!

Works been really tough on me lately... A telemarketer's life isn't as simple as i thought it'd be.. Especially with all those targets and aims.. And with a boss literally breathing down your neck asking you how many customer's you've had... And not to mention the number of call u had to make! I can't believe that for the past month, i've been making a minimum of 400 calls per week!!! And that means... i've made about 2000++ calls!!! OMG!!!! That's an earful! But the people there are pretty cool in the sense that they don't get stressed up.. so.. itz nice having those ppl around.. and make stupid jokes or comments..

Anywayz.. finally found my baju for hari raya yesterday... Went with mum and the littlest bro.. Finally managed to try the 'prata-tumbuk'... and itz soooooooo NICE!!! U gotta try it! I think itz near the old market... And i tink that's the only stall that sells it!

And on Friday, met up with my ex-colleagues... for dinner at Carousel.. at Royal at Scotts... Sponsored by my dearest kak shida! hehe... mmmm...

Oh yah.. the other day, went to vivo city with him.. Didn't expect myself to do shopping.. but i did! Bought a watch, a 3/4 kinda coat/jacket... and a long purple sleveless tee... And i found a really.. really... affordable shop.. 'Pull and Bear'.. Itz a really cool shop that all girls should visit!

okz then.. shall go prepare the food for break-fast later... and also thinking of rearranging the furnitures in my room... yah.. maybe i shall do that... laterz!

Itz a little too late... perhaps..
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I totally brought this upon myself... Serves me right, i suppose... I've told myself like a million times, not to let history repeat by itself.. bt.. it did.. right in front of me.. i simply didn't do anything to change the situation... And i juz have myself to blame for having him walk away from me.. And there's nothing i can do about it. But i did try to though. And it seems that he's made up his mind o the matter. And couldn't be bothered with me anymore. I juz couldn't believe that i let him slip through off my hands juz like dat... 2 months before, we were so close and meet each other everyday.. That whole month of May.. was the highlight of the semester.. But.. then June had July had to come and destroyed everything that we have. I really regretted what i've done. And i truly wanna make it up to him.. But.. he juz wouldn't give me the chance. I really dunno what he's thinking right now.. Itz totally my fault and i can understand if he doesn't even wanna talk to me. I dun mind us not being as close as before... But... i juz wanna have a descent conversation with him or have him to accompany my train journey home. that's all. But what he did or rather, didn't do, really breaks my heart. How could u not say hello to me when we're crossing paths?! And you walked pass next to me! How could u! And it was my fren who had to alert me, "eh.. isn't that...***?" I was checking my hp or something.. so i didn't see who was around us... I'm sad. And angry at the same time. I mean.. is that what he really wants? A month of a special bond then the next month.. is totally juz totally strangers. I don't get you. really. Are you that petty? Gosh.. his birthday is nxt weekend.. and im not sure wad to do. Coz im sure he's gonna have another one of his birthday bash surprises by his frenz.. bt.. i dunno whether i shud like.. meet up with him or sumthin... haiz..

All

that

i know

now

is

that

i

truly

miss

him.

A

LOT.

When will it ever end.
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Yes, i know i am in a situation right now... But you guy people need not say it out loud right?! Spare some thoughts for me will ya? Itz easy for you to say it out, but itz been really hard on me, who had to go through this whole painful process. I had to sacrifice a lot of things because of it.

And i really miss my dear... Itz been so long.. And today was so damn awkward. I saw dear waiting for class to start... I wanted to approach him.. But.. i juz couldn't do it. And we're like.. "erm.. hey.." OMG! The feeling was unbearable. Last Saturday, he asked me to help him out with his speech but i had something on that night, which wasn't that urgent but.. as much as i wanted to see him, i juz couldn't face him. I guess i'm a selfish person. I'm only thinking of myself. And today, his presentation wasn't that great and i can tell he's really disappointed with it. And i feel so bad. Coz i kinda promised him i'd help him. And after lesson, i really wanted to comfort him. But again. I couldn't. I really really miss him. Really.

The most dreadful weeks of my life...
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Seriously, for the past few weeks... I've been really at my super lowest points... It all happened, ever since school re-opened to be exact. It hasn't been a great start for the new term for me.. I've been down with an infection and it really has affected my schooling, my mood and my social life! It felt as though my frenz juz walked out of my life completely as soon as they got to know about it. It really breaks my heart. I mean, they saw me. And i saw them... i made a gesture saying hello to them but they simply looked away as though they've never seen me in their whole life! Its really sad. Its like.. im so pathetic. At that moment, all i wanna do was to juz run away from them as fast as i could. I guess they're not really my frenz huh.. Although i feel bad talking about them, i juz must say sumthin... I saw them(3 gal-frenz) at the printing shop. I came in alone and they were already at the counter... I juz walked in and made a silent "hi" gesture. They say me. No response. And continued talking to each other. I'm like.. wtf!!! Seriously. They were like so rude. ARGHH!!! Itz damn frustrating ya know. And i feel like.. a lot of people are ignoring me lately...

Even him. But.. that's like a whole different story. It all started when the school re-opened... I've not been going to school.. or going back with him. And worse still. No sms, no calls. I'm like.. OMG.. Itz as though, he knows that i'm sick and that he too, is ignoring me and doesn't wanna meet me. I felt really confused and down. Itz like.. itz been going so well for us, for the past month. And then.. comes the 'silent-treatment' period. Of course, in my condition, i too, don't wish to see him.. But still, he suddenly stopped contacting me. And worse still. I see him once a week in my "FUNDAMENTALS OF PUBLIC SPEAKING CLASS"(cross-disciplinary-subject) And we don't even say hello to each other anymore!!! And when he made his speech, i tried to get hold of his eye contact but he juz wouldn't look at me! And when i made my speech, he hid his face behind his bag!!! OMG! And so i did, make it a point to wait for him outside class to ask him what's going on but.. sumhow he didn't come out coz he's discussing sumthin with the teacher.. So.. yah.. itz been going on for about 3 weeks now! And itz the same thing all the time. Although, we did manage to cross pathways once.. and the conversation goes like this, HIM:"eh where u going?" ME:"home ah." HIM:"k lah. Bye!" ME:"bye lah." With a not-dat-i-care tone. But i care. i really do. I really wanna know wads going on. So, for the past few days, as i'm getting a little better after 1 wk of medication... But itz still on-going.. and i've to take the medication for 6 months!!! But.. yah.. luckily the capsule thingy doesn't have any bitter taste or rather.. itz actually tasteless.. which was a relief coz i've never ever taken any sort of medicine as long as i could remember! But in this case, i juz had to take medicine or not.. i juz wun get better. And ya know, in itz earlier stages, i even didn't go to school for like 2 days! And juz now i checked my email.. and i was shocked.. to get a WARNING LETTER! And.. d thing is.. i'm absent for that particular lesson only once!!! haiz. So, this tells me... that i should never ever be absent for school for no reason. So, anywayz.. i juz hope that i'll really get better for next week coz there'll be more presentations ahead.. So yah.. And i tink.. i'll juz act as per normal wif him when i see him. And pretend as though there were never any 'silent-treatment' period... Hopefully it works. And when he asked about that awkward period of time i'll juz say that it never happened and that he was juz imagining it!

Now as for my school work.. erm.. gosh.. itz been really hectic.. more quiz.. more lab tests..and deadlines for projects!!! AAHH... feel pretty stressed out i suppose..

and do ya know what i'll do when i'm stressed out..???

I'll tell someone a joke.

here's one.

There's a NEW STAFF who came in to work early. He hasn't been introduces to anyone yet. So he just sat at one of the desk and decided to check if the phone's working.
new staff : "Oi! Go and get me a cup of coffee!"
person-on-the-line : "DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO???!"
new staff :"Dunno leh.."
person-on-the-line: "I'M THE CEO OF THIS COMPANY!"
new staff(paused for a few secs but replied ):"AND DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM???!"
person-on-line: "err... no..."
new staff:"WAH.. THANK GOD ah..."
First time in 10 yrs'... wearing a dress... And i wore this to school!!! For a presentation...

Updates galore!!!
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So let's see... i'm having my term break now... Itz been a week since the break... but it seems that i'm fully booked for the first week! Which i'm grateful for... and that means, i need not be at home and attend to the 'unwanted-parties' going on.. ya know.. with all my little bros shouting at each other and running around the house and then complaining that they're so darn bored!!! Thank god i need not witness all that... But of course, someone in my house is not too happy with the fact that im going out everyday and cumin home late night.. So.. yah.. This weekend i'm staying put at home.. so that.. the fun can begin once again, next week!!! My birthdae week!!! HAHA.. alrite den.. i shan't rant about the stuff i did throughout the month.. coz i dun remember much of it.. so.. yah.. i'll juz post up pics alrite!!!

The twins came over a few weeks ago.. mymy they've grown so much... i thought they're still babies!!!


I luv it when u put kids together for a photo... so cute..!!!


I think my bro said he gotta pee.. sheesh... i told him to 'tahan' juz 4 diz pic.. aha..!



Taken during lesson... yah..yah.. i wear specs.. ok! Diz is d first pic ever wif my specs... And the joker in the class made for the gals a flower made from tissue...



Gals and i after lessons... it was a pretty bad day for me.. so.. yah.. but i tried to be cool abt it..!



At my uncle's wedding... can u spot me..???




On the 13th June, went out to meet the only person who called me auntie... dun get me wrong ok... he's juz someone whom i'd like to call... Uncle!



We're at bugis junction and saw a display on fantastic 4.. so.. diz uncle said, "auntie..let's take a pic with the poster..." and d auntie said, "why not..! since we're not in d movie.. at least we can take pic wif d poster!"



I have a feeling.. he juz wanna take a pic of dat space thing.. rather den me.. and d uncle still got d nerve to say, "eh auntie.. dun move ah... veri nice already..." argh.. an uncle.. will alwayz be an uncle..


And on d way home.. we saw these GIANT CARROTS!!! ahaha.. i tink itz supposed to be some sort of cylinder pipe thingy.. but with trees covering over it.. it realli looks like carrots!!!


Part of the class able to make it to the 14th june outing...


Pic whoring in the lift... We went up to the 7th floor and to the ground for about 3 times!!! ahah.. it was seriously thrilling!!! everyone shud try dat at least once!!! itz darn addictive..!


Kim and i... she looks like my sec skool mate... ANybody agrees wif me dat she looks like qiu hui?

And here were are at the esplanade... the guyz gave me a whinnie the pooh puzzle.. looking at the stars... and they even decorated the frame..! so sweet...



Me and sharon(a.k.a mumz) at the dining place which i personally made reservations for.. and.. sadly to say.. the food and service sucks!!! I shall never ever go dere... again! but luckily the companionship were tip-top.. so.. yah.. we had a great time in d end..


People check on themselves on the mirror before going out.. but.. i check myself via hp.. so.. yah.. haa.. i kinda did curls on my hair.. but.. unfortunately they didn't realli lasts till' late night.. so.. halfway through the outing, had to tie up my hair.. aha.. kinda funny..




Taken yesterday, 15th june, before meeting up with ammera... dat gal still hasn't given me the pics we took together...! humph!