im so exhausted. and the stoopid msn isnt helping. and the heat isnt helping. and the fact that i get up early isnt helping. grr. oh wells.
and its upsetting lah! when people dont reply your msgs. hmmm.
im off. gdnight.

i enjoyed today. i thoroughly enjoyed it. surprisingly, i've had more fun these past two days compared to the past few weeks. i dont know why, but it was just pure exhilaration. i mean, it feels so good when people let me be myself and actually talk to me. it feels so good knowing that there were people who enjoy my company, despite the extreme whining and occasional violence. gosh, it feels so good knowing that im free to express myself, without having to worry about what others thought of me, cos i know they love me for being me. im just very happy now, despite the sunburn and the long hours out filming. so yeah. i need sleep now. good night loves.

we are who we were when,
could've been lovers,
but at least you're still my day late friend;

i had a blast today. gosh, words cant express the excitement i felt. haha, basically, today was filming day in school. i reached school late, but turns out i didnt really miss much. but in any case, we managed to film two scenes today. the first was in the tv studio, and we had a blast just filming that short scene. but the fun came when we went outdoors!
after lunch, we headed towards the reservoir, looking for a location that we could use, seeing that our initial plan backfired. and so we went, into the park, but we decided to work in the triangular garden in school. haha, the fun thing was, the rides on the trolley.
goodness gracious me, i screamed like a crazy woman on a roller coaster. it was so damn scary lah! especially when it was bb maneuvering the trolley. he totally swerved and i almost flew off the trolley so many times! dion also another monkey. hahaha. oh wells.
anyways, after our shoot (which took almost two hours), we were ready to wrap up and go. but dion, bb and i decided to go for one more ride, but this time, i was supposed to be the one controlling the trolley. it was slow, and peaceful. and i sang them a 'lets go see the sprinklers' song, seeing that the sprinklers were activated. but the boys couldnt tahan, so bb got off, and i sat with dion on the trolley. hahaha.
here it goes. bb diverted the trolley towards grass, past the sprinklers (i got wet!), and the wheel went into the small drain. dion and i flew off. i landed on the grass. what the shit right!
the grass was wet. my hair was wet. the floor was wet. my clothes were a bit wet. and we were laughing like crazy goondus who've just had the time of our lives.
hahaha, i thoroughly enjoyed today. i really enjoy the company of my MOI P1 group.
fantabulous, i tell you.

okay okay, im actually in school now, waiting for those two boys to come back with my drink. so yeah. :)

i miss;

the times we'd laughed like no one's looking.
the times we'd have subway for lunch.
the times we'd head bang to the music.
the times we'd sing to our heart's content.
the times we'd do random things.
the times we'd walk around aimlessly.
the times we'd watch southpark.
the times we'd converse over the phone.
the times we'd play city bloxx.
the times we'd actually talk.
about our lives.
about our past.
about our present.
about our thoughts of the future.

i miss those times.
i miss you, my friend.
and i know things wont be the same anymore.
now, you just seem so far away.
now, you seem so uninterested.
but its alright.
i'll just count on the memories then.

you're not in the wrong. and i dont feel that you're the bad one. it wasnt the party. i was already planning to talk to you, but didnt wanna spoil your party mood, so i let it pass first.

im not assuming anything. and im not acting like im the only one trying, cos i know you have done so too. and i didnt put words in your mouth. in any case, this is getting heated. and its not good.

i know what's bugging me.
i think i was envious.
and it's annoying.

i cannot take it.

how could you give up on us? here we were trying to figure out what was wrong, but you never breathed a word. would you not have said a word until we asked you? how could you be so selfish, and not realise that you have hurt us as well? its not a one-sided thing. here we were trying to make things work. we asked you out, but you werent free most of the time. its not like we can help it. its not like we could control the situation, or your feelings. i cant help it if you felt insecure, or left out, or unwanted. we never meant for you to feel that way. but you still did.

i just cant believe you let it go.
i just cant believe you expect us to swallow that.
its disappointing.

and i know you'll read this. and i know we wont be talking about it, cos things are already so weird. but i felt that i had to let you know that you caused damage too. and it hurts. it really does. so think about it. you said it takes two hands to clap, but right now, i feel that im the only one holding my hand up, waiting for you to do so too.

relationships are so complicated.
the more i think about it, the more upsetting it gets.
oh wells.

i am so tired, i tell you!
argh. i need sleep. like now.

well, im glad i got to meet up with lyn.
chatting is good for the soul.

okay, im off.
gdnighters.

swans

by my side you'll never be
by my side you'll never be
cause im fake at the seams
lost in my dreams
and i want you to know
that i i cant let you go
and youre never comin' home again
and youre never comin' home again
by my side you'll never be
by my side you'll never be
you'll never be
i wanted to tell you i changed
i wanted to tell you that things would be different this time
i see you you see me differently
i see you you see me differently
you tell me that you love me but you never wanna see me again
you tell me that you love me but you never wanna see me again
you tell me that you love me but you never wanna see me again
you tell me that you love me but you never wanna see me again

unkle bob

i abhor the screaming.

and im too tired to do anything.

i think, im over it.
i think, im tired to try.
i think, im not going to care.
i think, im content.
i think, im just in need of time.

yawn. im sleepy.

EXHAUSTED.

i know i cant have everything my way. and sometimes, things happen to turn out better than i had ever expected. but there are also times, when everything seems to fall short of expectations, and i find myself disappointed and upset. the slightest things, like how presumably close friends cant even share with me what their personal message on msn is, reflect a lot on my bonds with people, and i cant help but wonder if those whom i feel close to, are actually still so far away. it so scary, i tell you. but in any case, im happy today. because i enjoyed being with those two monkeys, though they made me overuse my voice. haha, and im glad he shared, though i expected him to shun my questions and ignore my probing. but, im just sad that buddies dont speak. oh wells.

people change.
people changed.
and im scared to know that they have.
and im afraid to know who they are now.
sigh.

i love to lepak.
oh gosh, i sure do.

and i love people.
i really really do.
canines too.
not so much of the felines.
or birds.
or rodents.
eeks.

music is like, oxygen.
love will come through,
its just waiting for you;
-travis

i want the..
sweeney todd ost.
whoop!

well, school resumes in the morning.
i shall enjoy my remaining moments.
not that im going to die though.
hmmm.

love!

i met someone new today, and i love her to bits. ladies and gentlemen, meet Sugar.

she's sort of a new addition to our little churchie community, and we the buds have spent at least half a day with her. well, mel and the dudes found her after soccer, and mel is taking care of her for now, until there are signs to announce her disappearance. but for now, she's loved and being taken care of. gosh, she is absolutely sweet, i tell you. words cant describe what i feel about her, and how much i wish i could take care of her like my own. but oh well. what have i to say. sigh. but soon! i shall... find a companion to call my own. :)

well, today was good, i suppose. it was fine meeting up with the rest, though was quite annoyed when people got overly 'protective' about me and touching anything alcoholic. hmmm. but like thats an issue anyway. well, went over to nick's and ron's, and i lost money at ban luck. sheesh. drea's not one for betting, eh? hmmm. in any case, i should stop here for now and get some sleep, or i'd probably just die tmr. so yeah. good night loves.

and poops. i got J. sigh.

this year's cheena new year is bountiful, i tell you. its like, there's so much rolling in. its scary. its more than last year's. its.. weird. oh wells. i helped popo with putting the moolahs in for her grandchildren's angpaos (including my own), and she was talking about how she has so much money, and yet, no use for it. she was saying money can come and go, but there are many things we cant buy with it. and even if we had it in old age, its of no use when you have nothing, or no one to spend on. i know i've heard this many times before, like on the tele or some kind of drama series. didnt quite expect to hear it from someone i actually know.. and the thing is, i agree with her. why does money make the world go round? why, and how, does it affect relationships, and why is it that people can fall out with each other, or make relationships strained due to that one material thing? sigh. as much as i hope all these things can be averted, i know it wont. for money really does make the world go round. and its saddening to know so.

hmmm.
chickadee cheena new year.
day two, here we come.

you didnt reply.
sigh.

cny? it was alright.. so far. the moolahs seem to be the least of the many things on my mind right now. i just want the visiting to be all over, and hopefully, i'll feel better. hmmm. i think the whole bright and shiny business is just a bit too glaring for me. i shall go back to being dull and emotional. hmmm. and i pretty much enjoy watching grey's anatomy. i like.

i think its scary when i say everything. i think. i should stop saying too much, and let people second guess what im feeling. cos, i think too much, and for me to tell you straight about how i feel could be a lil scary. haha, scary in a not-so-bad sense, but more of a gosh-didnt-expect-her-to-feel-and-think-so-much kind of way. haha, i dont quite know what im saying, but yeah.

had presentation today! (or more likely ytd, seeing that its wed alr.) it went fine. but the one thing that i was very pleased with was the fact that i had a voice! oh my gosh, my voice is coming back! and im oh-so-very-happy now! wheeee! hmmm. though i felt my stubborn streak come out for a while just now. haha, havent been absolutely stubborn in a long time, and thats a good thing i guess. though i think if i didnt control, i probably would've got myself into a bit of trouble, not to mention a possible friendship dilemma. eeks. okay okay, you probably wont understand what im talking about, and so, moving on.

i am absolutely, positively happy that ms ngui could join us today. though we had never really spoken much, it was good to see rach and terry happy to have her around. ahh yes, the beauty of friendships. the wonders of bonding. how beautiful it is to see it all blossomming, and growing into a rose of truth, that binds us all together. haha, im beginning to sound all flowery and happy and preppy. wheeee!

i really enjoy time spent with those two, though there are moments when i feel like im not quite there. hmmm, in any case, they make a splendid party, and im just exhilarated to have them in my life. i looove you!

and oh boy, am i looking forward to sat with the woots. wonder what they have in store.. but in any case, i just sort of miss them. its weird, like how we see each other quite often in school, and yet, i fail to spend time when them. i somehow always find myself in amk... haha, but in any case, sat is for them. and hoefully, we can build stronger bonds that'll last more than the next two more years that we have together. ahh yes. friendship is in the air, ladies and gentlemen.

hokay. now. i think. i need to think. about tomorrow. if she is coming, i am so not gonna show my face. grr. dont quite like being around her, cos im so scared i'd be nice just cos i have to, but in my heart, im just wishing she'd go far away. im so afraid to be near her, cos i have no idea what thoughts she has in her head about me, and whether she's genuine or not. im quite tired of having to keep my guard up against anyone, and i dont intend to do so, lest i be all hypocritical and such. shucks. andrea needs to find love in her heart for her, but for now.. NO. haha.

i want to see jiande tmr! its been so long since we last sort of went out. and the time at mel's place isnt counted. hmmm. hopefully everything goes well. and that terry's headache and flu flies out the window.

whoop! this is a super long entry! havent done one like this in years. guess i must be real happy and all. yay! three cheers for love and friends.

and now, i'll be off! gdnight!

why doesnt anyone respond?! grr. does it take so long to reply an sms?! shucks. but nevermind. im feeling bright and shiny today. and im happy. and i want to be. :)

it was the big j. sigh. didnt quite expect to feel that way. but letting it out a lil helped, though it did result in gigantic poofy eyes and a need to hydrate. oh gosh. i still cant believe i feel that way. grr. and darling, i dont know what i'd do without you. thank you.

it began with a whirlpool of emotions, that i found so hard to contain. it spilled a little, leaving ripples in my wake of rage. and i realised, i needed time to unwind, and cease all procession, lest there be more damage. it stopped, but the ripples continued to spread, growing further and wider, and now, i cant do anything about it. i disdain all these feelings, that push me to the brink of relinquishing all i intend to hold safe in my heart. i am lost, and upset. terribly.

Who shot that arrow in your throat?
Who missed the crimson apple?
It hung heavy on the tree above your head

This chaos, this calamity,
This garden once was perfect
Give your immortality to me;
I'll set you up against the stars