new.

NEW!

new.

http://www.changingcorners.wordpress.com

yeah.

NEW.

tess died today.

it was unexpected, and it hurt.

but thats life;

and i need to get through it.

the heartache will never cease;

mayhem is beautiful;

yes, i believe mayhem is beautiful.

the results of the many events that unfold each day never cease to make me appreciate the simplicity, or the complexity of the situation. the beauty of the chaos, the understanding of the madness, and the emotions that stir the heart make life beautiful.

i love the revelation of it all.

i want my life to be beautiful;

coloured with the shades of the world,

which hold me within a rainbow of continuity.

mayhem is beautiful;

she's falling for him,

and he's falling for me,

and i am falling for somebody else,

who's falling for you;

oh, we're falling like dominoes;

dominoes

dawn mitschele

oh. em. gee.

eye. ees. kannaught. tae. kes. eets.

no. no. oww. eye. kan. feee. eels. ly. ker. dats.

blehh.

i dont know if i sound mean, or whether i should be saying this, but this is a place for output right? well, i feel that, sometimes people need to be more aware of their surroundings, and the way people treat them. if you feel like something's not quite right, and yet you choose to stick your head in and be like a leech, then i'd say you're quite dumb. if you really want the best for someone, you dont stick. instead, you choose the path and actions that would be most comfortable for them. dont force it. dont try to make it go your way, cos in the end, it'd just sour. and i dont want the people around me to get hurt too bad, or let revenge get to their head. i dont know. i just feel this compulsive need to say what i really feel, but i know they'll just think im a bitch, and moreover, i dont have all the sides of the stories. what i gather is just bits of information they divulge from time to time. but yeah. enough said. if i could really say what i feel, it'd be Ԩ͡ ı‰´Å ¨∏ ÒÅÓ. but then again, i dont really know what a certain party feels. hmmm. oh wells. im allowed to rant. so no judgement here, aye.

cheaters. i dont know whether to detest them, or feel sorry for them. and i sure do pity the victims; the people unaware of the situation, and yet, are embroiled in it.

i never expected pravin to be a cheater. he came across as a nice guy, someone reliable, someone who would never do something so lowly. for a month, you lied to her. i totally wanna kick you in the balls now.

oh wells. that aside...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VANESSA SAMANTHA TAN HUI YAN!

me is loving you much much. :)

shit. i absolutely detest guys who break up with their girlfriends over the phone, especially if the relationship was serious. i mean, its horrid to choose to say it merely over the phone. like, if you have the courage to break up, do it right. dont hide behind frequencies and assume its the how it should be done just because you want the other party to know it asap. idiot. im just really ticked off now. grr.

ooh. shoots. i am such a blogskin noob. omgosh. i tried, and i failed, and im lazy to figure out which part of the encoding is causing me problems. grr. i shall attempt some other day. though i am awfully bored right now. and i have a headache. and i cant get to sleep. though i need to get up a bit earlier later, but i dont quite care. jason rocks my socks, and i want to be in australia too. my toes are freezing, and i've got a blister. bringing children swimming was a first for me today, and im still sleeping in the living room. i think the itouch is pretty cool, but i've got my ipod, so i'll make do. however, evan is doing me justice and i love it. tomorrow's gonna be pretty awesome, i hope, and gosh, we three girls are gonna stay, alone, in the chalet. wow, awesome much. hengheng wants to emigrate, and seek better education for his future children. all because im an early childhood educator in singapore. blehh. but i know deep in his heart, i am the awesomest. hahaha. cassie and i had a 2 and a half hour long video call just now. can you imagine? 2 and a half hours of andrea awesomeness. oh, and cassie awesomeness too. wooooo. im still having a headache. and im quite sad that he doesnt wanna share with me. and that he thinks i do not know what ugliness is. sigh. i wish i didnt feel that way about it, but im affected. and it sucks. and i hate it. and i want to stop thinking about boutons. that aside, clarissa, drey and i are going for avenue q! omgosh, its like, awesome. i can finally watch and hear them live. i never thought they'd come to singapore. it is purely fantastic. yay! i cant wait. i like pokka apple tea. and evan. and my acer keeps on blanking out, but its alright. everything ages, deteriorates and depreciates. yes. also, i should meet up with certain people soon. oh gosh, i sure enjoy learning stuff about video. and i like kour much much. but i dislike my ugly fringe, and the auntie who cut it with one snip and said, "ke yi ma?". blehh. im having chocolate rolls now, the wafer kind. and it sure is delicious. hmmm, i wonder if anyone will actually bother to read this, and if they did, i mean, you, yes you, do tag and let me know? its nice to know people read stuff i write. though most of the time its random or incomprehensible gibberish that seemingly can only be broken only if you have vital information that i have divulged to you. ahh, but even if you dont know stuff, it doesnt mean i love you any less. clarissa, rachel, and zhen are awesome girlfriends. dion and terence are annoying buggers, but i can live with that. i love chocolate, and i like going to b's and jiewen's house. i love lorry rides, and appreciate people who love me for who i am. i cant stand being ignored, or get played out by friends. and, i need to find God. haha, i wonder if anyone has read to this point, cos if they did, their tags would include the words 'awesome' or 'superb' in it. but then again, would people bother to even tag? heh. my headache is getting worse by the minute, and yet, i dont feel tired. i want to be happy. really. i want my laughter to draw its source from joy, not only amusement. and i think its time for me to end this extremely redundant post. and today is 080808, so i wanna say i love you, to those who matter. you'd know it if it was you. love much. drea.

i wish you'd say more.

oh wells.

Avenue Q is coming to Singapore!

I'm absolutely gonna get tickets.

Mmm. And JASON MRAZ IS...

AWESOME. LIKE, REALLY.

He is so fantastic on stage!

He's just amazing.

YEAH.

I'm tired. Goodnight. :)

today i cooked noodles on my own.
i wasnt sure of what to do, but it turned out alright.
oh oh. and i forgot to put eggs in.
so i put it in after.
it was alright eventually.
oh wells.

i keep on thinking about buttons.
i hate thinking about it.
i need to distract myself.

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.
im tired.
and j-ed.

the water game is like, siao.
i needed to peeeeeeeeeee so bad okay.
blehh.

and i think he's quite an idiot.
so much for being friends eh, when he doesnt even act normally.
i dont understand why he's so idiotic.
grr.

and omgosh.
is there like, some love affair that i should totally know about?
like, do you like her?
omgomgomg, totally scandalous.
heh.

lastly, i need sleep.
i love to sleep.
and, i want to sleep.
goodnight.

I CANNOT TAKE IT.

my birthday was a blast.
there's just too much to say now, and so much to tell in detail..
but for now, i'll just zoom into the main points.
which are, the thank yous.

thank you to..

the family. dad, mom, drey, mandy, lia.
for whom without, this would not have been possible. i love you guys.

the deco team. zhen, sarah, hui luan, angie, cassie, drey, greg, and myself (haha!).
the deco was awesome. totally. like, words cant describe. woooo~!

the music people. bb, greg.
B! YOU ARE THE MAN. the speakers and the mic were power.

the photographers. ali, selig, ben, drey.
thanks for you guys, my memory keepers. please send me pics soon!

the guestbook maker. clarissa.
haha, it was a good guestbook. your effort is appreciated much!

the guests.
it wouldnt have been so wonderful, if it werent for your presence.

and, God.
the big man up there who gave me life. and made me the person i am.

and zomg. i love the presents. haha. its damn shiok. heh.
okayokay. time to sleep. i shall update more some other time. :)

i keep thinking about it.
and i expected too much.
i keep thinking about them.
and i dont expect too much.
i keep hoping for something.
and i find it falling short.
short of my expectations.

the differences are vast.
i want to laugh with you.
and not be laughed at.
the differences are vast.

i miss you so.
but is it the same?
i doubt it, but.
i still miss you so.

will you be true?
will this be real?
will you be sincere?
will this last long?

motives.
schemes.
motives.

rhetorical.

i'm gonna miss you..
somehow.
i dreamt of you,
whilst in my sub-consciousness.
it was odd,
and when i awoke,
there you were,
gently calling me,
to acknowledge your presence.
surreal,
i would say.
but nonetheless,
a memory,
that i wish to hold in my heart..
until i am certain.

omg haha i think i need to release here. i dont know if i can deal with things in life. like, sometimes, i know i expect too much. i may think that things can be oh-so-wonderful and that everything can be settled only if i believed in it, but i guess im wrong. the expectations can really hurt whenever it falls short of what i believe in. being optimistic is getting a bit tiring.. sigh, i dunno. im stuck in one of those days where waterfalls can appear anytime. haha. i just need to rant. and omg im getting older. that step is really scary. i dont quite know how to approach july the fifth. i mean, honestly, ever since sec school, i always presumed i'd never hit the big two-one. so reaching this stage is quite scary. i think its quite silly to think of life this way, but, i dunno.. im just, tired. i feel like a water balloon now. was sharing with jiewen, that we'd burst. soon. soon. i think very soon. blehh. i dunno. im just sad now. for expecting too much. for hoping too much. and for maybe even wanting too much. its too much to think about now. i shall go back to working on submission stuff. sigh.

note to myself.

guest arrival & guest book - claire & angie.
entertainer - zhen.
photography - selig, alicia & ben.
muzeek - greg & bb.
deco - sarah, drey, mandy, lia.
programme - ??? (actually, this isnt impt. haha.)

i love the airport.

i love the way it smells.
like, how it always seem to be so full of adventure and excitement.

i love the way its so filled with emotion.
like, the look on people's faces whenever their loved ones depart or arrive.

i love the way i feel.
like, how im in a different world, free of the strains of life.

i love the way it sounds.
like, the echoes that resound whenever i laugh out loud.

i love the way it looks.
like, the structures that make it look oh-so-fantastic.

i love the way its plain enjoyable.
like, how such a simple place makes it a home away from home.

i love the airport.

i think i need to make my blog happier!
its like, always so full of emo situations that i never explain in detail.
but then again, i dont quite see a need to.

however, there is no point in being upset all the time!
or just jotting down the unhappiness.
i need to remember the happy times!
cos thats what'll keep me going on in life.

well, im kinda planning some birthday thingy.
not sure if it'll happen right.
but for now, im waiting for people to rsvp.

there are like, super a lot of people i wanna invite.
but i cant invite the whole world!
so i've thought of some.
and if you dont know about it, its not cos i dont love you okay!
i just need to make sure my parents dont spend a bomb on me.

hmmm.
well, as long as the people i love are there with me, i'd be happy.
the buds.
kour.
the gorgeouses.
churchies.
ohana.
and the others. (haha, 'scary', 'scary'!)
okay. that was lame.

i hope the special ones make it.
the ones closest to my heart.
dunno if they know they are that special though.
heh.

in any case.
someone told me, ask your friends to give ang pao!
hahahaha.
gosh, it'd be nice to have money.
but sometimes, presence is good enough.
(though it wouldnt hurt to receive something nice.)

okay, enough with this!
its making me think of my coming of age.
oh gosh, i could just, piak.
blehh.

moving on!
i met the dalunsi and the miaoeryin!
missed them lah.
i mean, its been so long since i last hung out with the buds.
so, it was nice. and hapyy.
and nicer.
but was pretty tired.

and i am!
tired now.
my eyes are dry.
and there's APEL in the morning tomorrow.
eeks!
i need to get up by 8.
thats like..
another 5 hrs to go!

oh oh oh!
i should go to bed soon.
but i want to talk about me.
for a while.
like, how i feel like i dont quite know where i belong?
people ask me, why are you in design?
blehh.
i know im business material, but..
im beginning to fall in love with visual media.
moving images.
i love what im doing in school now.
and despite the workload, its enjoyable.

terence says im somewhat married to the school.
i am?
i never noticed how im always busy with school stuff.
not that thats a bad thing, but woah.

MARRIED is a strong word.
though my work is like a commitment, its not marriage.
heh.
and i dont think i'll get married anyway.

like i've told many, im gonna be a spinster!
with loads of money.
or maybe, i might adopt.
hahaha.
who am i kidding.
its so freaking expensive!
whoop!

well, enough about that.
andrea needs sleep!
and and and!
i cant wait to see them tomorrow.
thats, if i get to.
heh.

love love love!
drea aka leko aka fishball aka lemon aka lekhouse plus so many others.

to come to think of it.
i have plenty of nicknames.
haha!
maybe shall jot them down in the blog the next time round.
wheeeeee!

im tired.
and i wonder.
about things that happen.

why.
why.
i dont know why.

haiya.
exhausted.
i need sleep.
but not tonight.
heh.

それは傷つく。

mmm. intentional exclusion? possibly. i almost couldnt take it. i dont quite know what to do or think or say or hope for anymore. oh wells. thank goodness there were three with me. the silly things they do just make me... HAPPY-ier. heh.

freakingupsettingbutohwellswhatamitodosometimesthingsjustdonthappenthewayihadhopedhewouldbebutiguessitsokayimquitetirednowandmyeyeshurtiwanttolaughnowlikegrrhehohwells.

nevermind me, nevermind me;

heh.

BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH.
BLEHH.

i cant deal;

but,
it'll be fine.
somehow.
it will be.

watched p.s. i love you.
i... cried.
sweet, it was.

i guess, i cant deal with losing people.
really cant.
change;
is scary.

so here i go;

i dreamt that things were the way it was before.
that, it had been settled.
it felt... so real.
and i was happy.
but waking up proved to be a different thing.
i miss, the fun.
i miss, the way we'd just laugh things off.
i miss, just being.
sigh.
it seems so difficult now, to make things right.
maybe i said too much.

half of Kour came over today.. rocks lah!
i'd say, i really enjoy their company.

well, we managed to settled whatever we needed to settle today, so, this means, that no one should find a huge reason to change whatever, cos we've planned many meetings alr with regards to the jump shoot, and its usually always just angie, jake, ben and i. so yeah. in any case, hope the week goes smoothly..

mmmmm. not gonna see them most part of the week, unlike the past week, but i think, i'll be able to live with it. i'd say, i miss them? heh. and im gonna miss ermeichin too. and terencestanleyezekielruis. those two monkeys, went on holiday.. heh. but hope they have fun. they'd better remember to bring back super souvenirs! for the wonderful lekxinhui. haha.

AND AND! I WANNA PATAPON!
fantastically spastic game. hahaha. blehh.
maybe psp i should get?
but i think.. i'd rather a macbook pro first. heh.
ooh. and my driver's license.

okok. im off. later! :)

ICANNOTTAKEITLAHWHYISBEEPLIKETHATITISSOSADDENINGITELLYOUIMNOTSUREIFICANCOPEBUTIDONTQUITEHAVEACHOICEEHNEEDTOSUCKTHUMBANDWAITANDSEEIFTHINGSWORKOUTFINEICANNOTLOSEBEEPBEEPISTHEONETHATKEPTMEGOINGEVENTHOUGHBEEPDIDNTKNOWTHETHINGSBEEPDIDHASMADEMYTIMESOMUCHMOREFUNANDBRIGHTTHANANYONEEVERDIDBUTHAIYOIDUNNOWHATTODOANYMOREBLEHH.

im like, damn sad now lah.
some of you might know why, i guess.
but.. haiya.
i'd rather be confronted than avoided..
oh wells.

people need someone they can truly be selfish with;

ahh. so i see. it got cancelled cos you decided to go with some other plans. to think i left that evening for you. oh wells. eee-ree-tay-ting.

i really enjoy being with the eight. though work has been tough, its still going alright because of the people im with.. and im glad. i totally miss the buds though, but they seem to be doing alright without me. oh wells.

i need sleep. and i want to write hilarious stories about the kapreeters from the World of Blehh, who fight the Belak and the Noombos Tri. haha. yay!

okay. now. go. grr.

omgosh i cant take it i didnt expect to feel like this i mean it was supposed to make me laugh and they thought i would but they dont seem to realise that setting me on a different level and telling me things like that does affect me im trying hard not to let me to but oh wells what am i to do i just need to suck thumb and live with it grr.

friends!
yay.
they make life awesome.

haha, i feel initiative.
d-yawn, claire, angie, ben, bb, jake, aaron.
lets see how things go. :)

miss the buds though.. a lil.
ter, tim, rach, mel.
hmmm.

nat, come back soon!
zhen, we shall, next wed.

im sleepy now.
grr.

people.
the backstabbers.
the hidden romances.
the act of taking someone for granted.
i find it oh-so-amusing, despite its effects.
but hey, thats life.
i need to live with the fact that things will never be what i conjure it up to be, neither will it flow smoothly. for this is life. and life, is like a rollar coaster.
i want to find a place, where i belong.
cheesy as this may sound, it is something that i really want.

a place,
where i can speak my mind,
where i can sing all i want,
where i will jump around and have people jumping with me,
where i will do weird things without a worry.
where i am not afraid to share how i feel,
where i am comfortable,
where i know im not being judged,
where i know im not alone.

it doesnt make any sense, either does it justify anything whatsoever. i dont want to probe, and yet, i find this compulsive need to stick my nose into your business, because i'd rather not see you hurt. if it takes extreme measures to set things right for you, i would carry it out. but right now, i'd want you to try to make things right on your own. i really hope i dont discovered things that i do not want to, because i really wont know how to react. friendship. is that really all it is? or is there something more that i should know about? i hope to hear from you soon. you know it, i know it, for i've spoken to you behind closed doors. im not sure if you'll read this, but im sure someday, you will.

complicating.
complicating.
complicating.

tired.
tired.
tired.

forgotten? yeah.
broke? totally.
gosh, its so tiring.
and frustrating.
not to mention scary.
yawn.
i need sleep.
early day tomorrow.
hmmm.

i talk nonsense when im half awake.
and when i realise i've said something that doesnt make sense, i wake up.
but only for a minute or two.

hahaha.
tired lah. and there's work tomorrow.
dont know why i continue, but i just do.
and the weather's killing me.
shites.

and i'd love so much if you could.

no more, no more.
i can deal.
yeah.

ice skating next week! you people better not pangseh ah. hahaha, hope it'll be good.

i started work today, erm yesterday i mean, and it was alright. working with toddlers again, and the environment seems pretty good. hopefully i can get used to the surroundings again, or i'd probably not enjoy myself thoroughly. oh wells.
debby and ping jin are so adorable! i love them to bits already.

hahaha. i need moolahs. and sleep.

gdnight!

MAROON 5 WAS FREAKING AWESOME I TELL YOU IM JUST AMAZED AT HOW GREAT THEY SOUND LIVE THOUGH THE CROWD WASNT EXACTLY THE MOST ENTHUSIASTIC I STILL FELT THAT MAROON 5 DID AN AWESOME JOB GAWD I CANT BELIEVE THEY'VE COME AND GONE ALREADY AND THAT THEY'RE DONE WITH THE ASIAN TOUR I DO HOPE ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO WENT HAD FUN NOW IM LOOKING FORWARD TO MORE GIGS WAS THINKING ABOUT ANBERLIN AND OH BIY DO I MISS THEM MAN OH WELLS OKAY HERE'S THE TWO SPASTIC KIDS I ATTENDED THE CONCERT WITH IM JUST GLAD I DIDNT HAVE TO ATTEND IT ALONE :) :) :)



ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT ADAM'S VOICE WAS THE BOMB LIKE TOTALLY YA I MISS THE WHOLE CONCERT FEELING ALREADY.



WE GOT SHIRTS! THE ONES THE BOYS GOT WERE WAY TOO HUGE FOR THEM. XL LAH, SOMEMORE THEY'RE NOT HUGE. DREY MANAGED TO GET THE SMALLER SIZE. AWESOME!


IM JUST HAPPY NOW. :)

im not falling apart;

people are interesting.
its amazing how many feelings can come about from just one.
ahh.

cycling tmr!
the woots.
fun much.

maroon 5 tonight!
omgomgomgomgomgomgomg.
fab.

the gorgeouses are the bestest ever.
dont know what i'd do without them.

i've concluded something. that no matter how much i care for someone, or how much i show that i do, if the person doesnt 'see' me, it wouldnt matter. it just wouldnt be anything fantastic, nor would it be anything worth remembering. and i realise that though someone may be seemingly close, there's still a lack of understanding and appreciating. like for example, if someone isnt feeling well, i msg, i nag. but the person just doesnt see it. its not that i want all my efforts to be recognised, but it has just hit a point where i wish that one day, just one day, people will see that i do mean what i say, and that im here for them no matter what.

was talking to rach the other day about people we're close to.
how close is close? is it the people whom we contact even when we dont meet, be it through sms, calls or msn? it got me thinking about the people i do contact, and i realised that there wasnt many, and that though we may go out in groups, the people i hang out with may not give two hoots about whats going on in my life, nor would they be interested to listen. pity eh, seeing how people just go out and not know anything else about the people around them. it made me wonder about friendships, and how it all just seems so shallow sometimes. i know that as much as i wanted to open up, there's no one on the receiving end who'd listen. sad eh. oh wells. i dont quite want to accept the fact that i hate it, and yet, i still live with it.

i am looking for a job. but does time permit? im not sure.
i think, i'll go for DOC, as much as some of the people irk me.
but i shall. because i know it will be fun, and because i know that i will learn from it. so yeah.

alrighty, its saturday, and tomorrow's easter. its scary, seeing how quickly time has passed, and how the end of lent is here. but i shall embrace the coming of the Lord. so yeah.
licia's bday party's tomorrow too. hope it'll be a blast.

hmmm, hokay. time to think about my life and make plans for the week. gdnight loves. :)

I'm not lost,
I'm not lost,
Just undiscovered.

feeling so annoyed.
with people.
i dont like being yelled at.
and in turn, i find myself yelling.

feeling so annoyed.
with people.
i dont like being ditched.
not when we've made plans together.

feeling so annoyed.
with projects.
i need to be able to cope with it all.
especially seeing that the date's so near.

feeling so annoyed.
with lifestyles.
i feel the need for changes.
though its seemingly difficult to carry out.

grr.

disappointed.

but what am i to do?
its merely my expectations.

im so exhausted. and the stoopid msn isnt helping. and the heat isnt helping. and the fact that i get up early isnt helping. grr. oh wells.
and its upsetting lah! when people dont reply your msgs. hmmm.
im off. gdnight.

i enjoyed today. i thoroughly enjoyed it. surprisingly, i've had more fun these past two days compared to the past few weeks. i dont know why, but it was just pure exhilaration. i mean, it feels so good when people let me be myself and actually talk to me. it feels so good knowing that there were people who enjoy my company, despite the extreme whining and occasional violence. gosh, it feels so good knowing that im free to express myself, without having to worry about what others thought of me, cos i know they love me for being me. im just very happy now, despite the sunburn and the long hours out filming. so yeah. i need sleep now. good night loves.

we are who we were when,
could've been lovers,
but at least you're still my day late friend;

i had a blast today. gosh, words cant express the excitement i felt. haha, basically, today was filming day in school. i reached school late, but turns out i didnt really miss much. but in any case, we managed to film two scenes today. the first was in the tv studio, and we had a blast just filming that short scene. but the fun came when we went outdoors!
after lunch, we headed towards the reservoir, looking for a location that we could use, seeing that our initial plan backfired. and so we went, into the park, but we decided to work in the triangular garden in school. haha, the fun thing was, the rides on the trolley.
goodness gracious me, i screamed like a crazy woman on a roller coaster. it was so damn scary lah! especially when it was bb maneuvering the trolley. he totally swerved and i almost flew off the trolley so many times! dion also another monkey. hahaha. oh wells.
anyways, after our shoot (which took almost two hours), we were ready to wrap up and go. but dion, bb and i decided to go for one more ride, but this time, i was supposed to be the one controlling the trolley. it was slow, and peaceful. and i sang them a 'lets go see the sprinklers' song, seeing that the sprinklers were activated. but the boys couldnt tahan, so bb got off, and i sat with dion on the trolley. hahaha.
here it goes. bb diverted the trolley towards grass, past the sprinklers (i got wet!), and the wheel went into the small drain. dion and i flew off. i landed on the grass. what the shit right!
the grass was wet. my hair was wet. the floor was wet. my clothes were a bit wet. and we were laughing like crazy goondus who've just had the time of our lives.
hahaha, i thoroughly enjoyed today. i really enjoy the company of my MOI P1 group.
fantabulous, i tell you.

okay okay, im actually in school now, waiting for those two boys to come back with my drink. so yeah. :)

i miss;

the times we'd laughed like no one's looking.
the times we'd have subway for lunch.
the times we'd head bang to the music.
the times we'd sing to our heart's content.
the times we'd do random things.
the times we'd walk around aimlessly.
the times we'd watch southpark.
the times we'd converse over the phone.
the times we'd play city bloxx.
the times we'd actually talk.
about our lives.
about our past.
about our present.
about our thoughts of the future.

i miss those times.
i miss you, my friend.
and i know things wont be the same anymore.
now, you just seem so far away.
now, you seem so uninterested.
but its alright.
i'll just count on the memories then.

you're not in the wrong. and i dont feel that you're the bad one. it wasnt the party. i was already planning to talk to you, but didnt wanna spoil your party mood, so i let it pass first.

im not assuming anything. and im not acting like im the only one trying, cos i know you have done so too. and i didnt put words in your mouth. in any case, this is getting heated. and its not good.

i know what's bugging me.
i think i was envious.
and it's annoying.

i cannot take it.

how could you give up on us? here we were trying to figure out what was wrong, but you never breathed a word. would you not have said a word until we asked you? how could you be so selfish, and not realise that you have hurt us as well? its not a one-sided thing. here we were trying to make things work. we asked you out, but you werent free most of the time. its not like we can help it. its not like we could control the situation, or your feelings. i cant help it if you felt insecure, or left out, or unwanted. we never meant for you to feel that way. but you still did.

i just cant believe you let it go.
i just cant believe you expect us to swallow that.
its disappointing.

and i know you'll read this. and i know we wont be talking about it, cos things are already so weird. but i felt that i had to let you know that you caused damage too. and it hurts. it really does. so think about it. you said it takes two hands to clap, but right now, i feel that im the only one holding my hand up, waiting for you to do so too.

relationships are so complicated.
the more i think about it, the more upsetting it gets.
oh wells.

i am so tired, i tell you!
argh. i need sleep. like now.

well, im glad i got to meet up with lyn.
chatting is good for the soul.

okay, im off.
gdnighters.

swans

by my side you'll never be
by my side you'll never be
cause im fake at the seams
lost in my dreams
and i want you to know
that i i cant let you go
and youre never comin' home again
and youre never comin' home again
by my side you'll never be
by my side you'll never be
you'll never be
i wanted to tell you i changed
i wanted to tell you that things would be different this time
i see you you see me differently
i see you you see me differently
you tell me that you love me but you never wanna see me again
you tell me that you love me but you never wanna see me again
you tell me that you love me but you never wanna see me again
you tell me that you love me but you never wanna see me again

unkle bob

i abhor the screaming.

and im too tired to do anything.

i think, im over it.
i think, im tired to try.
i think, im not going to care.
i think, im content.
i think, im just in need of time.

yawn. im sleepy.

EXHAUSTED.

i know i cant have everything my way. and sometimes, things happen to turn out better than i had ever expected. but there are also times, when everything seems to fall short of expectations, and i find myself disappointed and upset. the slightest things, like how presumably close friends cant even share with me what their personal message on msn is, reflect a lot on my bonds with people, and i cant help but wonder if those whom i feel close to, are actually still so far away. it so scary, i tell you. but in any case, im happy today. because i enjoyed being with those two monkeys, though they made me overuse my voice. haha, and im glad he shared, though i expected him to shun my questions and ignore my probing. but, im just sad that buddies dont speak. oh wells.

people change.
people changed.
and im scared to know that they have.
and im afraid to know who they are now.
sigh.

i love to lepak.
oh gosh, i sure do.

and i love people.
i really really do.
canines too.
not so much of the felines.
or birds.
or rodents.
eeks.

music is like, oxygen.
love will come through,
its just waiting for you;
-travis

i want the..
sweeney todd ost.
whoop!

well, school resumes in the morning.
i shall enjoy my remaining moments.
not that im going to die though.
hmmm.

love!

i met someone new today, and i love her to bits. ladies and gentlemen, meet Sugar.

she's sort of a new addition to our little churchie community, and we the buds have spent at least half a day with her. well, mel and the dudes found her after soccer, and mel is taking care of her for now, until there are signs to announce her disappearance. but for now, she's loved and being taken care of. gosh, she is absolutely sweet, i tell you. words cant describe what i feel about her, and how much i wish i could take care of her like my own. but oh well. what have i to say. sigh. but soon! i shall... find a companion to call my own. :)

well, today was good, i suppose. it was fine meeting up with the rest, though was quite annoyed when people got overly 'protective' about me and touching anything alcoholic. hmmm. but like thats an issue anyway. well, went over to nick's and ron's, and i lost money at ban luck. sheesh. drea's not one for betting, eh? hmmm. in any case, i should stop here for now and get some sleep, or i'd probably just die tmr. so yeah. good night loves.

and poops. i got J. sigh.

this year's cheena new year is bountiful, i tell you. its like, there's so much rolling in. its scary. its more than last year's. its.. weird. oh wells. i helped popo with putting the moolahs in for her grandchildren's angpaos (including my own), and she was talking about how she has so much money, and yet, no use for it. she was saying money can come and go, but there are many things we cant buy with it. and even if we had it in old age, its of no use when you have nothing, or no one to spend on. i know i've heard this many times before, like on the tele or some kind of drama series. didnt quite expect to hear it from someone i actually know.. and the thing is, i agree with her. why does money make the world go round? why, and how, does it affect relationships, and why is it that people can fall out with each other, or make relationships strained due to that one material thing? sigh. as much as i hope all these things can be averted, i know it wont. for money really does make the world go round. and its saddening to know so.

hmmm.
chickadee cheena new year.
day two, here we come.

you didnt reply.
sigh.

cny? it was alright.. so far. the moolahs seem to be the least of the many things on my mind right now. i just want the visiting to be all over, and hopefully, i'll feel better. hmmm. i think the whole bright and shiny business is just a bit too glaring for me. i shall go back to being dull and emotional. hmmm. and i pretty much enjoy watching grey's anatomy. i like.

i think its scary when i say everything. i think. i should stop saying too much, and let people second guess what im feeling. cos, i think too much, and for me to tell you straight about how i feel could be a lil scary. haha, scary in a not-so-bad sense, but more of a gosh-didnt-expect-her-to-feel-and-think-so-much kind of way. haha, i dont quite know what im saying, but yeah.

had presentation today! (or more likely ytd, seeing that its wed alr.) it went fine. but the one thing that i was very pleased with was the fact that i had a voice! oh my gosh, my voice is coming back! and im oh-so-very-happy now! wheeee! hmmm. though i felt my stubborn streak come out for a while just now. haha, havent been absolutely stubborn in a long time, and thats a good thing i guess. though i think if i didnt control, i probably would've got myself into a bit of trouble, not to mention a possible friendship dilemma. eeks. okay okay, you probably wont understand what im talking about, and so, moving on.

i am absolutely, positively happy that ms ngui could join us today. though we had never really spoken much, it was good to see rach and terry happy to have her around. ahh yes, the beauty of friendships. the wonders of bonding. how beautiful it is to see it all blossomming, and growing into a rose of truth, that binds us all together. haha, im beginning to sound all flowery and happy and preppy. wheeee!

i really enjoy time spent with those two, though there are moments when i feel like im not quite there. hmmm, in any case, they make a splendid party, and im just exhilarated to have them in my life. i looove you!

and oh boy, am i looking forward to sat with the woots. wonder what they have in store.. but in any case, i just sort of miss them. its weird, like how we see each other quite often in school, and yet, i fail to spend time when them. i somehow always find myself in amk... haha, but in any case, sat is for them. and hoefully, we can build stronger bonds that'll last more than the next two more years that we have together. ahh yes. friendship is in the air, ladies and gentlemen.

hokay. now. i think. i need to think. about tomorrow. if she is coming, i am so not gonna show my face. grr. dont quite like being around her, cos im so scared i'd be nice just cos i have to, but in my heart, im just wishing she'd go far away. im so afraid to be near her, cos i have no idea what thoughts she has in her head about me, and whether she's genuine or not. im quite tired of having to keep my guard up against anyone, and i dont intend to do so, lest i be all hypocritical and such. shucks. andrea needs to find love in her heart for her, but for now.. NO. haha.

i want to see jiande tmr! its been so long since we last sort of went out. and the time at mel's place isnt counted. hmmm. hopefully everything goes well. and that terry's headache and flu flies out the window.

whoop! this is a super long entry! havent done one like this in years. guess i must be real happy and all. yay! three cheers for love and friends.

and now, i'll be off! gdnight!

why doesnt anyone respond?! grr. does it take so long to reply an sms?! shucks. but nevermind. im feeling bright and shiny today. and im happy. and i want to be. :)

it was the big j. sigh. didnt quite expect to feel that way. but letting it out a lil helped, though it did result in gigantic poofy eyes and a need to hydrate. oh gosh. i still cant believe i feel that way. grr. and darling, i dont know what i'd do without you. thank you.

it began with a whirlpool of emotions, that i found so hard to contain. it spilled a little, leaving ripples in my wake of rage. and i realised, i needed time to unwind, and cease all procession, lest there be more damage. it stopped, but the ripples continued to spread, growing further and wider, and now, i cant do anything about it. i disdain all these feelings, that push me to the brink of relinquishing all i intend to hold safe in my heart. i am lost, and upset. terribly.

Who shot that arrow in your throat?
Who missed the crimson apple?
It hung heavy on the tree above your head

This chaos, this calamity,
This garden once was perfect
Give your immortality to me;
I'll set you up against the stars

i. think..
i. dont. like. coughs.
eeks.
need. sleep..
whoop.

step back.
observe.
realise.
digest.
understand.
retreat.
shites.
tak boleh tahan lah.

i miss you.

i noticed.
and it made me think even more.
i realised.
and i need to accept it.
i spoke.
and i find it annoyingly upsetting.
i thought.
and i shall let it come to a close.

the less sober you are, the more truthful you'll be.. hmmmm. anyways, i have decided to let things be, and not worry so much about the situation whatsoever. if things happen, then i'll just leave it be. should there be changes, i'll embrace it. i've come to realise that there's no point brooding over situations that are beyond my control, and though the entirety of everything may seem overbearing, i shall endure. i guess feelings can be controlled, and i shouldnt ever let what i feel might happen affect what could happen now. i love my life, and i shall let it run free. wheeeee!

buds.
woots.
usuals.
ohana.
loves.

yay!

the ijs are just fantastic. gosh, didnt realise how much i'd missed their company.. didnt realise how much i appreciated their presence. hmmm, i'd say manda's birthday celebration was timed just right. looking at everyone, im amazed at how we've all grown, from the noisy brats we were, to the noisy ladies we are now. at we all fast approach the big 2-1 this year, i hope we can still continue to journey together, and keep in contact. haha, im just so happy now. im just excited til the next time we meet again. gorgeouses, you guys kick ass.

was talking to nat as and when yesterday, and oh boy, didnt realise how much i'd missed her. we were totally thrilled to see each other. hmmm. we spoke of life, and past experiences, and i came to realise that the past held so many lessons. some of which good, and some horrid. i realised how much i had grown. gosh, do i really restrict myself? do i use those experiences and possible experiences at bay? i dont know.

oh wells. i need to go back to do my painting now. school's been pretty hectic.

friendship.

we dont have to meet always,
to know that we care.
for i know in my heart,
you'll always be there.

so whenever you're in doubt,
or if you feel left behind;
think about the good times,
and you'll know it's all fine.

for my dear friend,
forever you will be;
etched in heart,
for all eternity.

Stones taught me to fly;
Love taught me to lie;
Life taught me to die.
So it's not hard to fall,
When you float like a cannonball.

certain individuals just have this ability to constantly make me ponder about life, and the mysteries that follow. the way hearts connect, and how wonderful friendships are. but then again, when we begin to look at things from a different angle, we'll find ourselves noticing the flaws and the faults that skim the surface of underlying tension. but oh wells. what are we to do? hmmm.

in any case, i'd like to say that, all the times spent with the buds are absolutely enriching. i love it! wheeee!

its amazing how all these thoughts fill my head. how all these things just happen to form and create feelings that werent expected. i didnt know how to go about the entire situation. i felt unworthy, as though i thought i knew that i was nothing compared to everything else. i felt as though it was a trick to be called, only to realise that nothing was what it seemed. then i eventually knew that God called, cos He knew i could. He knew i had what it takes to make a difference, and He wanted me to see that i already have made that difference, no matter how subtle it might have seemed. and now, i wish to embrace, in hopes of pleasing Him, in hopes of doing what i was called to do, to fulfil my purpose. i think i can handle that. but.. im not sure i can handle everything. like, when do you know when things are real or not? when do you know if what you feel is the truth? when what you sense could actually be reality? or is it all just a facade that hides all? i cant fathom or discern what course of action to undertake, nor can i accept the fact that certain things happen, and i cant stop it. and oh, how i hate the feeling of not being in control of my life. feelings are such disobedient things. oh you naughty feelings. i'll smack you if i could. gosh. drea is talking to herself. i think i seriously need some kind of output. but i find it so difficult. there's like ten locks before reaching the gate of my emo-kingdom. grr. so annoying. the worst thing is, i dont know where i put the keys. oh wells. i believe that chances of people reading up to this stage is pretty slim, seeing that long posts may put some people off, which is a good thing i guess, cos i just need somewhere to release and recap, and blogs work just fine. okay i need to sleep soon, seeing that i havent had much of that in quite a while. oh gosh, and i absolutely love new american classic. that song just makes me.. think. but i think i've been doing too much of that, so enough for now. good night to you, reading all the way up til this end of the entry. much love, and happy new year to you. :)

THE BUDS.

i absolutely fancy spending time with you guys. 2007 ended on a FAB note with you bunch of buggers around, making things good.

rach. my implausibly remarkable darling.

terry. sheer, utter, unadulterated nonsense.

mel. fantastically, absolute exuberance.

kev. the ultimate tittle-tattle associate.

FANTABULOUS, i tell you.

wheee! hope 2008 goes swell.

love. <3

i need to stop it.



stop it!



now.



i really mean now.



you ka-preeter.



grr.

2008 has arrived.
so buckle up, and hold on tight.
for its gonna be splendid.