japanese. ahh.
how interesting.
i sure hope this block goes well.
it'll be super awesome!

the noose looks.. funneh.
hahaha, like damn lame sia.

and i feel like eating nuggets.
from mos or macs.
yum.
maybe i shall go get some tmr.

i like totally want grey's anatomy.
shall take it from ts soon.
yoohoo!

csi is absolutely fascinating.
the show never ceases to make me wonder about how things work, and the consequences of people's actions. grr. so exciting.

okay!
back to CSI.
wheee!

as i reflect back on the days past, i find myself wondering in an unexpected situation.. do i really like チョコレート? hmmm. oh dear. i sure hope it isnt possible or i'd just die. like seriously. oh wells.

feels weird. the way we dont seem to talk anymore. the way everything's so awkward. grr.

sometimes i wonder what other people are thinking. do they ever realise you're there? do they think about you? i never fail to constantly find myself in a trance, just thinking about all there is to think about.. like, what would the world be like if you werent in it, and whether a huge alien would swing a bat at our puny world and hit it straight into the sun.. and why do mice get squashed by the side of the road, and do people notice that there are some others who need attention too? how does the world live with so much chaos, and is racism a norm no matter what people say? also, why do people pretend and not be themselves, and eventually hurt themselves and others? and, is it true that your good friends usually have better judgement when it comes to your partners, or should we take note of how we feel and work on it? can people accept the fact that sometimes, feelings can be one-sided and all you should do is accept that fact, and not condone the other party? can people live without ever knowing chocolate in their lives? what determines a path to alcoholism, and when guys play with children, does that mean there's a higher chance for them to be a paedophile? how do guys jump around like monkeys without falling, and is extreme sports really so extreme?

gosh. i've so many questions in my head and i've got not many answers. i think i think too much. oh wells. but i cant help it! i like to notice, and think, and wonder, and think again, and hopefully the truth will unravel in front of my very eyes. i look forward to the day when i can find someone. ahh.

i've never felt this way before. i'd have expected myself feeling good that nothing happened, and yet, this overwhelming sense of longing for things once past continue to plague my heart, stirring this pot of cupboard emotions which i've tried so hard to contain. i cant believe im feeling like this. gosh, its just so wrong, and its scary knowing its making my heart beat faster. i definitely need time out. or distractions would do.

to all you skeptics, rumour-believers and uninvolved, LISTEN UP.
all that hearsay are totally LIES.
you want to hear the truth,
ask me straight in the face.
i wont ask you who you heard the lies from, so dont worry. and should there be any doubts, please do clarify with me. dont go round telling the world fake statements that sully my integrity as a person.
and no worries, i wont bite.
you have my number, so just call.
thanks.

oh, and you.
it'll be on your conscience for spreading those rumours.
you'll regret you ever crossed my path.
you'll regret for not trusting.
so, good luck to you, moron.

the past few weeks have been pretty interesting. late nights, morning lepak sessions, different group members, exciting assignments. but somehow, all these seem to dim in the light of the emotional rollar coaster i've been on. okay okay, this blog is like a place for me to wallow in my sorrows, so let me whine. hahaha. its like, people seem to be forgetting im here. people seem to be forgetting that i actually exist. a buddy didnt tell me about something i felt was important, and i had to hear it from someone else. and gosh, that someone just had to rub it in saying "what? you're his good friend and you dont know?" sigh. and when i asked him, he said it wasnt a big deal. well, to me it was. and it resulted in a two nights of being emo. and a good friend seems to be upset. maybe she thinks i favour a different company. but i dont, its just that sometimes, i need people who understand. people who'd listen and know what im talking about. and even if they didnt, it would be good if they could just listen and not judge. and its also super upsetting when i actually make an effort to communicate with people, only to not have any response despite direct questions. i just miss you enough to even ask you out, and yet, it seems as though it all goes to naught. to top it off, my sister forgot about me. shant go into details, but all i can say is that it made me so upset, to the point where i go all red just thinking about it. to the point where i could cause a waterfall. oh my goodness, i've been wallowing in so much negativity to the extent i dont know what to do about it. all i want to do is indulge in vices that keep me light and deluded. which is so totally not good. oh wells. at this very point in time, i dont see the need to forgive or try any more. i think i need time off.

ahh. i dont think i can take another person forgetting. oh wells.

i seem to be pushing people away.
help.

the freedom writers. the one show i've been wanting to watch, and i finally managed to catch it today. all i can say is, wow. im amazed at how wonderful hope is. im amazed at the effort people put in to make a change. im amazed at the way things can work out somehow.. with faith. there were times in life when i felt like i was living a nightmare. times when i felt that my life was quite bumpy, with so many obstacles in play. and oh boy, was i so wrong. the freedom writers once again opened my eyes to the luxury im living. it opened my eyes to the life which im so blessed with, and yet, i somehow sometimes take it for granted. the past few weeks have been horrid, and when i think back about all that i've done, and all that i've been through, i realised that its the choices i make that make things good or bad. it doesnt matter what people think about me, or the past misdeeds that i've committed. what matters is that i know that i can make a difference, and i can decide whether or not things will go well for me, or not. it seems to all be a matter of opinion, of perception. the past few weeks i had chosen to see things from a very negative point of view. i chose to see my life as mundane, and meaningless. and all this while, i thought no one could feel more shit than me. it even hit the point whereby i thought i was on the brink of depression. but now i see, i can choose to make everything worthwhile. i can choose to say, "hey, things arent that bad. i can get through it." and im right. i can. as much as i may be upset, beaten down, or angry about situations and events, i know that i can get through it. all it takes is just some optimism. the freedom writers reiterated my stand on how we always have choices to make, and that i need not be so bogged down with the way things dont go my way. i figured, i just need to sort things out, and cross the bridge with planks of hope. i feel much better knowing that there are many people fighting the disease of disappointment, anger, and fallen hope. and i know that no matter what, i can get through this.

alright, this feels like a super pep talk, but it helps. just wish i could share everything with someone i trust, and i know who'll never judge me. ahh. life. im inspired.