whining to ts is so entertaining. he like totally gets frustrated like a father who just wants to strangle his kid. wahahaha. fun sia.

and i like waffles.
more please!

omg you just dont get it, do you?
so exasperating, having to blatantly drop hints and yet you just step over it as though it means nothing.
but well, maybe it IS nothing to you.

hahaha doesnt that sound emo? omg im feeling so lame and bored now to the point whereby im actually writing rubbish. wheee~ im thinking about 'tickle me emo'. damn funny sia. and oh man, i gotta get up early.. haha.

i think i should try not to let my emotions get the better of me. the negativity somehow bounces off me and hits anyone in my path. i need to think rationally.
woah, if not for buddy-g, i'd probably have gone all emo on some other human and make him feel so guilty for backing out on plans last minute. ahh. drea drea drea. think think think.
i need to study. but im not doing anything. i dont think i'll sleep.

so much is just going through my head now. but for starters, i would say things are getting better now. hmmm, i've made a decision which i feel has purely made me so lifted that i just wanna float away into the clouds. it feels good. but despite that short lived relievement, other things have bogged me down. hmph.
and that other thing, is people. gosh. i really cant stand it when people just cant tell me straight what they really feel about certain situations. like, if you dont want to, just say so. dont wait til i call you. and its only polite if you reply. ahh. oh wells.

the modules for this block are interesting, yet seemingly tough. the others said its relatively easy, but i beg to differ. there's this total need for time management, which im still trying to grasp. so yeah. hopefully i get something good out of these two modules, and holidays, please come soon.

tmr gonna catch rush hour 3. wonder if its worth.. wonder if it'll be good. hmmm. but.. i dont know the plans for tmr, neither do i want to start msging. i always do that, only to be ignored. so i'll just wait, for once, for someone to contact me. planning stuff all the time may be something i do often, but that doesnt make it an obligation.

ahh. im tired.

woah. if i could jot down every thought i had in my head today, it would be millions. like totally ya. i mean, there is just so much that runs through my brain, leaving me with little time to actually brood over one particular event. but in any case, all i thought of today was just to do... work. gosh, i had never thought i would experience this kind of stress again. it feels good knowing that my brains just have to work and not falter or i'd just DIE. oh wells.
school today was alright i guess. other than the fact that we have loads due on thurs and yet, here i am taking a break to jot down my thoughts. woah, the more i read my entries, the more i realise how emo i can actually be. ahh but anyways, today was good. met up with ts, and it is nice to know that there are people i can actually do work with. the feeling is pretty assuring. but something else clouded my mind today. and that was, the ministry im in. i have come to terms with the fact that holding on to something im not interested in will only make me cease to enjoy doing His work. and staying on merely for the sake of others is definitely not helping me. its making me super pissed and upset and annoyed. i've been like super bitchy the last few weeks. and gosh, that is totally not good. its to the point that people have seen me at a stage whereby i dont care about the words i use, or the extent im using it. its not good at all man.
sigh, but i guess thats life. i cant always uphold that image. i cant always force myself to be prim and proper and put on a front when im actually feeling so angry and upset. sheesh, im getting angsty. and all these emotions make me wanna get a stick. not good. havent felt that way in a long time. its like, withdrawal. poops.

and my whole theory about guys being weird, i would say its true. but somehow, due to their oddity, they become such fascinating creatures who never fail to entertain me. its amazing how God has created us to complement each other.
the entertainer, and the entertained.
oh wells.

SO MUCH TO DO!

ahh.

im so tired my head is screaming SLEEP. and the very thing i had wanted failed to materialize. voices. i need to hear that voice. the very voice that keeps me going, knowing that im able to be someone of use. knowing im needed, or remembered for that matter. but it ceased to happen. wishing is all i can do. oh wells. night loves.

http://www.truefriendtest.com/friendtest/872338

wanna attempt?

AAAARRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH.

there is so much to life that i just need to limit, or even take note of. so many mistakes i've made, and i realise that its just so difficult to adapt to all these changes. moreover, im not being who i am. i seriously need time to think about my life, and what im doing.
sigh.

i really enjoy long walks.
i really like having conversations.
i really love singing.
i really appreciate it when people listen.
i really need time to think.

Waiting for your call,
I'm sick, call I'm angry
Call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat,
Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to,
to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Stripped and pollished,
I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious,
you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
When you are sitting next to me
Will bring life into my deepest hopes,
What's your fantasy?
(What's your, what's your...)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to,
to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

And I'm tired of being all alone,
and this solitary moment
makes me want to come back home
(I know everything you wanted

isn't anything you have)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to,
to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to,
to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
(I know everything you wanted

isn't anything you have)

maybe its just me, but somehow things seem to be going a bit.. odd. i mean, i didnt realise that the choices i make, though supposedly the right thing to me, would eventually make me seem like an idiot. it was only one night, but that one msg made me feel.. guilty. though i know i am not at fault, it made me feel like one totally bad friend. i didnt quite expect to ever be in this situation. i had never thought i could be the moron. wahh, seriously, its getting difficult. but then again, im just blessed to have someone to accompany me. having people around really takes my mind off things. this week has been super hectic. i really cant help it if i cant meet as often as i would like to. i really cant help it if i have meetings or if i need to do work. i really dont know why you have to act like this. if you got anything to say, just tell me straight. sigh. i think im emo for a reason, not just based on mere emotion. honestly, all i would like to do is to meet mr. geremi germ's creator and get happy feet. he seems to be the only one who's making me laugh nowadays.. oh wells.

hmmm. gwen stefani's 'four in the morning' is like replaying in my head like big time. kinda makes me think about the past.. why do i let myself fall into such situations? sigh. and the worst thing is, he doesnt care. oh wells. crap i hate thinking. thinking makes me fat.
and according to ts, thinking hurts.
i agree.

ahh. wirework is driving me nuts. i hate the smell of metal. i even hate using metal utensils. poops. but i know its only for the next few weeks.. like grr. in any case, im so screwed cos im not done with all my work and im not stressed over it. all i know is that im going to get some eyeshut real soon then wake up before day breaks to start working on whatever i have to.

went for mass at sfx today. goodie. the ambience was so different from that of other churches, and the priest wasnt mundanely boring. which was good. the stained glass that occupied most of the front of the church made me feel like a child all over again. safe in the arms of God in his wonderfully created world, away from the harsh realities of every breathing moment. the lector and cantor totally elevated the entire area for worship, and close listening. wow. i really like attending mass at sfx. it makes me feel.. closer to God. :)
had dinner with terence and chua after. great food, great company. oh boy, they never fail to make me smile. haha but never fail to make me emo either. we had this conversation whereby if everyone who made me emo were to die, there would be bloodshed. at least for the people close to me. ahh oh wells. that'll never happen. i love 'em too much.
and the calls to rach, von and chua were absolutely amusing! though chua was like.. hmmm. shall not say much. all i know is that i had a good time, though im terribly tired.

alrighto, gonna hit the sheets now.
night loves.

and girl, heck those morons.
BOYS ARE WEIRD, SMELLY, HEARTLESS CREATURES WHO SOMETIMES DONT THINK AND JUST ACT ALL BASTARD-Y. so yeah.

the firefight.
like totally awesome yaa. though they werent very hyped up, it was still good.. for my ears at least. like grr. well, at least i enjoyed myself. a lil.

and man, i've been like uber sensitive the past few days. or weeks for that matter. and its to the point when i get upset so easily, and its seriously pissing me off. its like, totally annoying. today i was like super affected cos of a friend's ignorance. and i cant believe that here i am trying to reach out to him and make this friendship work, and there he is blatantly ignoring my efforts to say 'im a friend and im here for you'. wahh, its freaking irritating, and upsetting. ahh maybe im just being too sensitive.
argh. and i was like upset for a moment cos i thought a friend was going to pangseh me again. oh crap i seriously think i have issues. or maybe im just pmsing. ahhh!
and sometimes i feel damn bad cos it seems as though im a deciding factor for some things. which has been cancelled in the end. argh. it just feels like im at fault. sigh.

help.
there's so much work and yet im slacking.
there's so much work and yet im emo-ing.
help.

caracal was good.
im glad i went, despite being upset and almost wanting to stubbornly stay in school and sulk. i really hate it when people back out at the last minute. gosh, luckily i hadnt left for esplanade first, or i'd be waiting stupidly. luckily yuan was going too, though she was also pangsehed by her friends. oh wells. zhen said i should be ready for this kind of nonsense to happen.. but, i really dont even like the idea of that. hmmm shall not think about that now.
had dinner with clar, yuan, dion and some new dude lun tat. haha damn funny lah! i laughed til my face turned red and my tummy hurt. gosh, the things we talk about when we get together.. lame sia. like seriously. but it was fun. though the three goondus dion, clar and tat ran off! as in literally! leaving yuan and i walking to the mrt. haha those goons.
yawn. i think i need sleep. and i think im getting really tired of everything.

isnt it interesting how one word can make you think so much? i know i've always been sensitive, but sometimes it just gets a lil too.. i dont know. im just so affected when people say something. not that i cant take criticism, its just that it makes me think about my life, and the way im acting. but when people say something, surely it means it has crossed their mind? as random as people are, they still say what they think. and that in itself, i feel, is room for pondering.
a friend casually said i was irritating. haha and though it was meant as a joke, its really got me thinking about what kind of person i am to people. do i really annoy the shit out of people sometimes? am i seen as loud, with disregard for others' feelings? do people think i am of no substance other than my ability to smoke my way through situations using vocabulary? have i really changed, or am i still as before? should i bother so much about what people think?
i would say yes. i guess thats one of the main things that havent changed.. my concern for what other's say/think/feel. be it with regards to me or themselves. oh wells. life brings about so many opportunities for change, and yet... i dont know.
sigh. thinking makes my head fat.

out one day.
walking one day.
out one day with you, hallelujah.
we found a wood with Trollys on wheels.
rolling all around the hills.
hallelujah.

i'd love to go on a trip.
just need to find time to do so..

i realised i prefer bbqs compared to steamboats.

and someone's painting outside my house.
the paint stinks.

i want to watch movies.
and go Baybeats.
the line up on sunday looks good.
hmmmm.

okay, gotta get to school now.