a month of late mornings.

im sooo glad the holidays are here. school's been pretty mundane, so this one month would really be a treat.

well, in any case, i just wanna say THANKS SHABIN! haha, he bought me a baby eeyore soft toy. i guess you might think im pretty childish to like this kinda stuff, but who cares. i LOVE and ADORE eeyore! haha and shabs too. its been a good five months.

hmm, yesterday was jess's birthday party.. HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY DEAR! i was so thrilled to see everyone again.. had a blast.

ooh cc3 camp's approaching real soon. hope it goes well.

aahhh charlieee's in phillipines now. do hope he'll take care of himself. haha yeah!
hmm, im sooo gonna miss shabs. wont get to see him for two weeks running cos i'll be at camps. oh well.
i miss my pals already. at least i got to see most of them this weekend.. miss you guys a whole lot.
nat. kat. tania. zhen. daisy. lyn. matt. fiona.

well, i really like this song from soty.


Sidewalks

the bridge is all crumbled
the water soaks into rocks
that fell at the bottom of the road
(at the end of the town)
the town that we lived in
the memories shaken apart
from the weeds that grow

over the sidewalks
running away from the streets we knew
sidewalks
like the time we thought was made for you
or

out on the front porch
watching the cars as they go by
(eighteen blue, twenty one grey)
looking ahead for the first time that we could drive
out on our own
to speed away

from the sidewalks
running away from the streets we knew
sidewalks
like the time we thought was made for you
or

all of the days have passed us by,
all of the sun is gone... away


take care loves.

general paper exam today..

just shoot me.

sports day tmr..

hope it'll be fun.

tired..

i should sleep earlier today.

take care loves.

i feel so tired.

oh well. i guess most of them are getting ready for the gp exam tmr.. im scared. what if i dont do well enough? what if i end up getting horrid results like last time? what if i get.. *gulp* ..left behind? sigh. studying is so not my forte. darn. i wish i could live my life without a care. but thats soooo impossible.
hmm, no one said i wasnt allowed to dream.

my life feels so stagnant. it feels like everyday has become so routine. i hate it when my life is so.. boring. its like, everyday, i..

wake up
refreshen up
go to school
go home
use computer
do homework
pack bag
sleep
that kind of lifestyle is so mundane. i hate it.
i hate it, i hate it, i hate it.
i miss the colourful life i had. church. friends. people. now, its just school. homework. reminiscing. oh well.

i cant wait fot the holidays to come. there's so much im looking forward to..
camps. catching up with friends. spending time with my family.

oh yes. nat, nia, kat, siok! i miss you guys loads!




just a thought. would you rather sms, or call a person?

big walk.
went for that in the morning. it was my first time. didnt expect such a huge turnout. it was pretty fun, though i was silent most of the time. paul was taking photos for nikon. he took a pic for my friends and i. who knows, our picture may end up in the newspapers.. in any case, it was alright.

went home, freshened up, had lunch, went out.

st anthony's was holding a carrom competition. so i just went and checked it out. after that, went for mass with shabs and charliee. hmm had dinner at loy kee, then went to cwp. freaking tired. and i think i was a lil too petty. sigh. just shoot me.

on my way home, in tp mrt, i met some old lady from m'sia, pulling a trolley. she asked me if i had money to spare her, as she only had ringgit. i didnt have any. the poor old lady lost her ez link card. she said that she'd be fine, and told me to go home.. and so i walked out of the station. i couldnt stop thinking about that old lady. i so wanted to wait with her and even send her home, but i just walked on back home. wonder how she is right now..

i hate it when people treat anyone like dirt.
feeling sticky, dirty, and tired. gonna take a bath soon.

take care loves.

finally.
a day when i can wake up anytime i want.
i like to sleep, but not for a long time.. spent the entire afternoon resting, cos had a really tummyache. felt so horrid.. i hate the feeling of getting sick.
hmm, he's back today. really miss him..
well, gotta go for the big walk tmr.. so, hopefully i feel well enough to enjoy myself. i'd have to wake up pretty early tmr morning..
im glad its gonna be a long weekend. though exams are approaching.. scared.
looking forward to the june holidays. hope the upcoming camps go well.
yawn getting pretty tired.
take care loves.

i've decided not to be so dependent on people. whats the use. it only makes me feel worse. last night, someone told me that he called me out of pity. wth. i seriously dont understand. oh. and i got ignored. sigh. i really wonder who my real friends are. i realised that i know so many people, but my relationships with these people are merely on a superficial level.. only a few know what im really like. but then again, no one really knows whats going on inside my head. i think i think too much.. its been so long since i last went for mpm meeting. damn, i seriously dont think i'll wanna go for it. cos, its like, i feel so detached from them. it'd be so weird if i were to go. everyone'll be wondering why the hell im there cos im not even part of the grp.. sigh. i sometimes wonder how people can affect me so easily. its like, i feel like im getting myself embroiled emotionally in every situation people face. all the emotions. argh. i have no idea what im saying.
all i know is that im upset.

damn. im freaking tired of everything. i need a break.

shabs, i miss you.
hey nat kat siok nia fi and the rest..
lets meet up soon alright?

i need chocolate.

i wish you werent like that..

its been so hectic. i cant take it.

im glad its gonna be a long weekend.

i wonder if we'll still go..

i need a life.

why do people get upset?

is it so difficult?

sigh.

is it worth being so self-sacrificial?

worry.

tired.

take care loves.

what i'm into at the moment.

The Used
My Chemical Romance
Senses Fail
Story of the Year
Finch
The Starting Line
Fall Out Boy

i need a drink. water would be nice.

tiring. the day has been tiring. looking forward to sat, where i can sleep in through the morning.. well, just wanna say that whatever it was between monkey and i has been settled.. so yup. yawn, there's just so much homework, but i seriously dont feel like doing any. i know i have to though. i just wanna sleep and not wake up.. hmm, missing him. im just glad he's safe. feels like ages since i last saw him, even though i was out with him yesterday.. i need help. seriously. i need motivation. honestly. i cant seem to get myself to start working and studying. i need to prepare. i cant be the way i was before. or i'd really lose out in life. well, gonna call him now.. take care loves.

House Of Wax.

today was pretty fun. though the weather was seriously unlike what i had in mind..

IT RAINED! haha, not that its a big deal, but i love it when it gets cool.. hmm, headed out to church, attended mass alone though. then got ready for meeting.
it was SO FUN! haha the games were fantabulous! (in case you dont know what that word means, its fabulous and fantastic merged together.) its been a while since i last played like that.. in any case, it was good.

hmm, after that, had lunch with my three sisters, jaz and marcus. haha marcus is seriously 'beyond hope'. (my dear boy, stop using the knife!) soonafter, my family and i headed to my grandma's house.

ooh. met him for a movie today. watched house of wax. it was... faint. hahaha. gruesome for some scenes, shocking for others. actually, it isnt very good. just that chad looked hot. haha just slap me. hmm i'd rate the show a 3/10. so yeah.

i cant take it. why is that monkey still ignoring me? i give up.

school begins again. got an econs test tmr. hope i dont die just trying to complete it. so yup.

take care loves.

yesterday was great.
had a blast with fi, nat, tania, kat, amanda, wen, joyce, alicia, tracy, siok yesterday.. ate at Big O. the food was not too bad. but the place was pretty dark and noisy. haha oh well. then the few of us headed to borders for a lil while. laughed my head off with fi reading some tiny books. went to starbucks for a drink, while reminiscing about old times. haha had a great time near the phone booth too.. woohoo!

hmm then after tania and fi left, we all went to wisma rooftop. the place there rocks. so quiet.. then siok came. gosh, it'd been ages since i last saw her. talked, laughed, played truth or dare (gosh, thats so sec 2), and yeah, just chillin'.

the day was good.

today's been alright so far. except for that monkey.. sigh.

gonna go out with my sis later. need to buy loads o stuff. so yup.

take care loves.

today went well. quite fun. thanks shabs, for listening to me talk about school and all. and for the chocolates. love you!


and monkey, i already said im sorry. the least you could do is stop ignoring me.


gonna meet up with some of the usuals soon.. gonna have dinner together.

yup.

im glad i went to church today. seeing all those oh-so-familiar faces made me smile. i've been away from christ the king for so long now.. so, seeing the church and father and the people was truly a gift.

the day didnt go the way i wanted it to.. things werent right in the afternoon, but its all settled now. im glad we sorted it out. feeling much better already. well, thanks fi. without you, i'd probably still be sitting down there.
thanks drey, for accompanying me to church for mass.

humans are such sensitive creatures. well, not all humans, but at least a handful. God's handful, i mean. i know im one of them. sometimes, i feel so retarded. im like so caught up with how i feel that i sometimes fail to realise that im not the only sensitive one. i could just shoot myself thinking about all my flaws and the many times i neglected the people i love. ahh forget it. im beginning to talk crap again. oh well.

tmr's friday. so fast. gonna meet the usuals for dinner. cant wait to see them. miss them soooo much. well, i'll get to see him after school. hope tmr goes fine.

shucks, still got flu. this sucks. cos it means that im not supposed to do PE. but helloo, i've not done PE for two weeks running already. cos i had flu the first week, and i rolled down the stairs the week before. the teacher is soooo not gonna believe me. i think i'll just try doing PE. i want to! i dont like being sick. makes me feel so vulnerable.

is public affection for people of the same gender taboo? i mean, it doesnt have to be lesbians whatsoever. like, just between friends.. for girls to hold hands and maybe give each other a peck on the cheek is not a sin right? but why do people get so worked up whenever they witness such a scene? oh well.

i wanna learn how to speak malay and tamil.
a little help here, please.

good night dears.

hey.
rained.
sorry.
thanks.
bye.

i hate the weather.
Lord, help me to love it.

came a time, when every star fall brought you to tears again.

today was.. alright. well, i just dont know what to say. oh well.
hmm weird. i actually donated five bucks to charity. feeling generous i guess.

i just realised that different people laugh at so many different things. what may seem like the funniest thing in the world to you, may not necessarily seem so to others. why is that so? is it because we're exposed to different situations and incidents during our growing years? is it because our surroundings have instilled a certain kind of 'trigger laughter' mechanism in us? or is it because we maybe are not as 'humourous' as others? this puzzles me sometimes.
whenever people laugh at something which may seem hilariously funny to them, i just stop and stare. i eventually try to make myself laugh so as to seem like im enjoying myself. the truth is, im not. honestly, i havent really laughed 'truly' lately. my last 'big' laugh was with fi nat kat nia.. these people laugh with me on the 'same wavelength'. haha i feel so weird mentioning the word 'laugh' so often.

one more day. then i'll get to see him on a weekday! yay.

well, im looking forward to the end of the week. gonna meet my precious people for dinner. tracy's coming too! its been ages since i last saw her.. glad she's coming.

yawn. the weather's so warm. but its raining over in bishan and yishun! darn. if only its raining here right now..

take care loves.

I realise.

i really miss mpm, and spending time in church.

i miss the times when i'd go for meetings.
i miss the times when i'd go for events.
i miss the times when we'd celebrate birthdays.
i miss the times when my staurdays are solely for the people at church.

school's been taking up most of my saturdays lately.. sigh.
well, i was just looking through the pictures joann uploaded into her blog, and i realised that i've been missing out on a lot. seriously. i feel so.. out.
i dunno why i feel this way, but it seriously sucks. i miss everyone. big time.
argh, i hate feeling nostalgic.

its fascinating how one moment i can be so pissed off, when less than an hour later, i feel so sad. sad to the extent that i need a million hugs just to make me feel slightly better.

just shoot me.

dammit. i hate it when she keeps on screaming. just shut up.

the weekend was alright. nothing much to say.
actually, there's a lot to say. its just that im so freaking pissed right now, so i cant really think of what happened thats worth mentioning.

anyways, MI mart and rach's bday party was good.

i cant stand it. gonna stop here for now.