maybe im just too direct.
well, i apologise if i've offended you whatsoever.
so yup.

today's been alright. but its a special day. haha, its the time of the month!
wait wait, its not what you think. its the day we got together. haha. im soooo lame.

well, limping was part of my schedule today.. haha dont laugh! ... ... stop it! i know you're grinning.

hmm, stayed in school til late afternoon to prepare the stuff for the econs fair tmr.. hope tmr goes fine.

i wonder why people can forget me so easily.. oh well.

dont feel like typing any more.. take care loves.

Simply Hilarious.

dear journal,
i fell down the stairs today.
it was slow motion, and i just wasnt able to stop myself from rolling down.
the right side of my body hurts now.
esp with bruises and a few scratches.
but on the whole, im alright.
i hope pe tmr doesnt kill, or i'll seriously die.
had a great time with kat, fiona, nat and tania.
really love them loads.
oh well.
im complaining about not being able to donate blood.
but thank goodness i didnt.
cos i now got the flu.
hope the week goes well.
love love.
drea.

The Used

Light with the Sharpened Edge

Free from the torment of sin
All this I'm giving up
Much as the sun would decide to give in
Exploding to orange
And hear all the voices sing praises and hymns
Mark the birth of a change
Free from the torment of sin
All this I'm giving up

It's not me
Buried wreckage my soul
It's not me so who am I now

Over and over again
Light with a sharpened edge
Cut through the black empty space we call sky
Beginning the cycle that stays
And I know in my heart we all die
Like the day and the night
Like the sun in the sky
All this I'm giving up

It's not me
Buried wreckage my soul
It's not me so who am I now?

Is there another side?
Beat out the black and white
Place I could meet you by
A place on the other side
I'll let you know when I go
When I'm gone

It's not me
Buried wreckage my soul
It's not me so who am I now?

I LOVE YOU!

and you, and you, and you.

sometimes i wonder how i can be ignored so easily.. oh well.

today was alright, minus the headaches and tummyaches. met up with fi, kat and nat, alicia for lunch. really glad i saw them today.. i miss them a whole lot.

there's cip tmr.. hope i dont fall ill halfway through the night or anything like that..

shucks i left my history homework in class.. luckily i'll be going sch tmr.

i need a hug! seriously.

missing you daisy.

sometimes a compliment can really make my day. *smiles*

oh yes. there were a whole lot of super adorable caucasian toddlers at simply bread. *faint*

cant wait to see you tmr.

i feel so random today.

take care dearies.

i feel so small.

its thursday. soon, the weekend'll come.

well, just wanna mention that yesterday's speech and drama orientation was pretty good. had fun, but only for that three hours. got to know mariam a lil better. so yeah.. nothing much actually.

this morning, farid told dj and i that he had been accepted into a poly, and that he was going to transfer. i thought he was really gonna leave. idiot. lied to me. but at least he's not going.. oh well.
i miss michelle a whole lot! its been almost a week since i last saw her.. well, she's off to poly. wish her all the best.
steph! miss you. it sucks being the only ijtp girl in MI.
rebecca's transfered to shatec already. everyone seems to be leaving.. sigh.

am i that repulsive? to the extent that even saying hi is tantamount to lifting the weight of the world onto your shoulders? i give up.

looking forward to the weekend. back in church. back with my friends whom i love dearly.

haha im making MI sound like a horrible school. but its not. its quite alright actually. just that im not really being proactive when it comes to my social circle. so yup.

take care loves.

suddenly, my life feels so stagnant.

no emails.
no calls.
no smses.

its like my whole world suddenly came to a halt, and everyone seems so far away.

maybe its just me, but i cant help but feel neglected.

i miss them a lot. it seems to be the little things that make me reminisce about the old times.
just like today.
if i was still in ij, i'd have someone to have lunch with after school. but, i went home.. alone.

i miss the times when i'd have zhen, wen or mich to walk home with me. or with the usual peeps where we'd go to town just to chill regardlessly of whether we had a test the next day or not.

i guess im really dependent on people.
or maybe, im just socially deprived.

no wait. i cant say that.
at least there are some people who makes everything feel a little better.
geri, mel, farid (stareboy)..

gosh i think im going nuts.
call me depressed if you wish.

well, looking forward to being ms positive again.

love love.

im the only ijtp girl left in mi!
but at least i've made new friends.

geri! thanks for all the laughs, 'ignatius'es, nonsensical singing and waving..

well, 05A1 has been alright.. but michelle left! steph left for nyp too..
other than that, everything's been alright.
im really afraid i wont be able to do well in school. i mean, the workload itself is making me wonder if im cut out for A levels, cos im more of a slack-and-heck person.. but then again, effort should be able to get me through. so hopefully, i dont revert back to my old ways where i'd just leave my work in a pile..

saw steph and mich today! ooh mich got a tattoo on her leg just above her ankle.. how cool is that?! haha.

today was a looooooong day. ended at 5 plus. haha PE was more slack compared to previous weeks where we'd slog our guts out running and conditioning. silly stareboy kept on calling me animal names..
hellooo, you're the only monkey, farid.

hmm, im starting to worry about literature. i mean, i didnt take the subject for O levels, so im pretty clueless whenever the teachers use words i dont understand.. hopefully i'll be able to grasp what they're saying soon.. and shakespeare is simply foreign to me.

im looking forward to the end of the week. not because its CIP day (faint), but cos i'll get to see him. hehe.

oh oh oh!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHARLIEEE!
so old already. that uncle. hahahaha.

in any case, i'd like to say a huge Thank You to the people who made my first few weeks at MI a truly wonderful experience.

geri
farid
mel
jas
steph
dj
shahidah
priya
aswini
pei hong

so yup. basically thats it for now. looking forward to a good week!
take care loves.

I'm speechless.

oh my gosh. stupid farid said i look like a minah. faint. thats like so not true..

well, i realise im not really adapting well to school. no no. i should put it this way.. im adapting well to the pace of school, but when it comes to the people who are around me, i feel so.. i dont know.
its just.. lonely. oh well.
i met a classmate in the canteen, and when i said hi, she ignored me. after a while, she came up to me and asked, "are you from my class?"
sad, isnt it?

watching a movie on Hitler now. fascinating.

im still still brooding over the fact that someone thinks i look like a minah.
in case you dont know what a minah is, its a malay ah lian (i think).

just shoot me.

met up with nat, kat, nia, fi, amanda and alicia for lunch today..
laughed so hard til i almost cried.
i have no idea why i just kept on laughing and laughing and laughing.
maybe i was amused with everything that was going on?
or it could be because im deprived of laughing back in school..
i have no idea.
but i think if i allowed myself to laugh as much as i wanted, i'd probably have cried.
they asked if i was taking drugs.
they asked if i was troubled.
they asked if i was too stressed.
they asked if i was just acting cute.
i have no idea why.

*ponders*
well, the weather now is getting really scary.
lightning, thunder, wind.
to think it was so warm in the afternoon..


i hate this house.
doesnt feel like a home.
people screaming?
its just pissing me off big time.
i just want them all to shut up.
i feel very obliged to use vulgarities right now.
but i shall not.

im looking forward to having a life of my own.
to come to think about it, i've never ever felt homesick.
never.
well, i'll definitely pay my parents back.
but im not sure if i'll be able to be that filial.
sigh.
i hate me.


hmm..
will only get to see him on sunday.
i was just talking to a classmate of mine, and she said she hasnt met her boyfriend in two months already.
and the first thing that came to my head was, how do they maintain it?
to me, a relationship should be based on communication.
if you cant even talk to the person, how on earth are you guys gonna live together?
im quite puzzled by the human behaviour.


well, gotta eat dinner now.
hope i dont choke and die halfway through dinner.

love love.

sometimes i wish home would be a nicer place to go back to.

nat, kat, tania.
you guys were right.
now, i understand.

miss you all loads.
you guys mean a whole lot to me.
love you.

Ooh. I'm good.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Low
Schizoid Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Disorder:	Low
Antisocial Disorder:	Low
Borderline Disorder:	Low
Histrionic Disorder:	Low
Narcissistic Disorder:	Low
Avoidant Disorder:	Low
Dependent Disorder:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

im pretty normal.