Moved

moved to here

FYP IS OVER!!!

A million thanks to everyone who wished me luck for fyp and provided support in any way (no matter how small, I noticed. And I'm thankful.)

I can't express in words how much gratitude I have towards my family for being my pillar of support, my reliable source of strength throughout this process, and I can trust that they will continue to be my rock, my motivation, my comfort blankie in the coming years, whenever I embark on a new chapter, whenever the road gets bumpy.

Thank you to my friends for the countless numbers of jiayous, for talking me through my decision-making process, for simply listening to my endless grouching.

I'm glad FYP is over, but that also signifies Beijing is getting nearer (very near, in fact.) If there's one thing I learnt from this mind-throbbing, anxiety-ridden process of making up my mind, it's this: 路是要往前走的.

You walk your own path, you choose your own path, you chart your own path. No matter what path you choose, there's only going forward.

To my NTU kakis, we will be embarking on different routes, but we will be urging each other on I'm sure. I'm glad you all chose something you want, and I wish you all the best in taking that one step towards your dream, towards what you think is right. Thank you for coming down on Poster Day as well; it's not like NTU is the most convenient place to travel to. I do appreciate you being there and bringing me barley refreshments to drink:) And thank you for the 3 years in NTU what would I have done without you guys to back me up. I guess even if I had chosen something else to study, I might not have met friends like you, so honestly, it was a good 3 years, mugging and all.

Now that a new chapter is beginning for us, I wish everyone all the best from the bottom of my heart and the future is ours to hold.

And now it's time for me to pack luggage meet friends buy stuff do whatever admin that needs to be done.

So far for this "hols" I've only been out with friends 3 times.

Dinner at NYDC

Night at the Singapore flyer

Dinner with VJ peeps

I need to get out more and meet up with peeps!!!
Ok maybe after poster day...
Tho there's still tons of things to do.
At least time feels less tight now with the change of flight date from 17th to 20th...

But first, Poster day to clear! Good luck to me and everyone else!

What will I do

It's sad when propects outweigh interest
when someone whom you love and trust and respect brings down your course and urges you to take something else you're less interested in, for practical reasons
when you ask God for too many directions and you get confused yourself
when you believe Fate lies in your own hands but yet you can't escape Destiny
when you don't even know what you want anymore


If I could choose all over again, I would choose never to grow up.
But I am no Peter Pan.
I can only live the pain of choosing and not knowing what will be right.

From a famous Japanese nursery rhyme:

Teru-teru-bozu, teru bozu
Do make tomorrow a sunny day
Like the sky in a dream sometime

Teru teru bōzu (Japanese: てるてる坊主; "shiny-shiny Buddhist priest") is a little traditional hand-made doll made of white paper or cloth that Japanese farmers began hanging outside of their window by a string. This amulet is supposed to have magical powers to bring good weather and to stop or prevent a rainy day.

-courtesy of wikipedia



Teru no Uta (Gedo Senki main theme)

Far, far above the clouds, against the setting sun
A falcon flies alone, soaring in the wind
I hear his loney cry, so lonely he must be

Riding the silent wind, a falcon flies alone
Reaching out with his wings, he grasps the empty sky
Riding the silent wind, never can he rest

What is within my heart, none can ever know
A heart like the falcon's is this very heart
Lonely like the falcon in an empty sky

Gedo Senki Saundotorakku - Aoi Teshima

Why are the skies so gray?

Everything is gray.
Where did all the colours go?

What an ethologist means

I came across the book "Handbook of ethological methods" by Philip N. Lehner recently while doing my FYP. (An ethologist is someone who studies animal behaviour by the way...if you don't already know...I didn't before I read this book.)
There is an abstract in there that describes what I'm feeling right now with disturbing accuracy.

Here it is: (Lehner quoted it from another essay "Protestations of a field person" by Lott)

"To be more specific, you get to be sort of manic-depressive. You experience mood swings...the most salient symptom is that your evaluation of the study gets to be wildly unrealistic.
High noon may find your pulse racing as your mind forms the kind of modest, contained, but penetrating remarks that persuade the National Academy of Sciences plenary seesion that the Nobel Committee did indeed know what it was doing when it cited your analysis of the distribution of deer droppings, the grumpiness of goose gatherings...as the intellectual link that completed the conceptual chain from molecule to mastodon...
That evening you may be so sunk in shame that you want to change not only your study but your name. How could you have committed yourself to a study so barren and one for which you are so ill prepared?...Besides it wasn't all your fault; but how do you make them understand that fate has thwarted you at every turn, that your field glasses fogged up during nearly three goose gatherings...?
And so you go on, ever more sublimely happy, ever nearer suicide...Contact with an old friend becomes so welcome that you hold your tongue even if he says something stupid like, 'Welcome back! Have a good vacation?'"

Thank you, Lott, the author of the above abstract, for depicting what I'm going through so brilliantly.
And may I add that in addition to the ethologist being the subject of merciless weather conditions, his sufferings do not end even when he is back in the comfort of home-- for he has to write his thesis.
Describing animal behaviour is a very graphic thing. It is best shown through video tape, but you have to write a thesis, and so you have to put down all the graphic observations into words. In a scientific and neutral manner. This warrants the recollection of my (long-lost) GP skills and my (now dusty) dictionary and thesaurus. Here is an example. Instead of saying "His heart thumped wildly", you say "His heart rate approached 160 beats/min. This indicates the release of epinephrine from the adrenal glands and the stimulation of the sympathetic nervous system."
See what I mean?

So now I have new-found respect for the ethologists out there. Their dedication and perserverance is no less than the other scientists in the lab but they receive much less recognition for their work.
I salute you, all-the-ethologists-out-there. And I do agree that your work is far more fun (although challenging) than what some other scientists do. You are the epitome of passion for one's work, especially when everyone around you casts somewhat disapproving or dismissive looks on your choice of career.

Don't worry. I know how hard it is. And how important it is.
" The study of behaviour encompasses all of the movements and sensations by which animals and men mediate their relationships with their environments--physical, biotic and social. No scientific field is more complex, and none is more central to human problems and asppirations."
-Alexander, 1975:77

P.S.
To everyone going through a tough time now: Jiayou! We will survive this! I miss you all but when I see you again I'm sure we'll have many (victory) stories to tell! Take care everyone!:)