Released!

I looked at my son today and tried to remember him growing up. When did it happen? I couldn't remember him learning to walk. Did I miss that? Oh yes - I remember now a little how he dove into the ground head first, but never gave up. When did he start talking? It seems like I missed so much. Where was I? Oh yeah - I was Relief Society President. . .

***

A few months ago, I was feeling great stress. Stress over my limited time. Stress over trying to get home sooner from work. Stress from feeling guilty that I wasn't getting work done. Stress over not spending more time with my kids only to be stressed that I wasn't spending enough time on my calling. . .

Stress at being stretched in so many directions. And so I did what I do in times like that. . . I prayed to be relieved of something or strengthened to bear the burden. But pray as I might the only solution was one I did not welcome greatly. I felt the need to be released.

And with that came a whole lot of guilt and stress. Stress over not having faith that I could have time to work and do my calling. Stress over not being able to parent my children. So I vented to my confidents. And they echoed my feelings. . . ask to be released. But I didn't like that plan. I wanted the Lord to tell someone to release me - not ask to be released.

So I prayed some more. Finally it became evident that though it wasn't something I wanted to do, the stress was more than enough. I finally got up enough courage to talk to my Branch President and let him know how I was feeling. No sooner did I say, "I guess I'm asking you to pray about whether or not I should be released." He said, "We've just been waiting for you to come and let us know when you'd had enough."

Wow! Wow. hmm. I guess it was a test of my faith? Not sure. But I can say - the Lord did hear my prayers. He knew. He was waiting for me to choose.

Last Sunday I was officially released. Nothing has felt so sweet as to feel the burden lifted. Now this is not to say that I didn't have my time of mourning and wondering if I made the right choice to let this go. But when it actually officially happened - it was sweet. I knew it was right and about time.

***

Something that helped was doing one last thing before I was released - writing the Branch History for Relief Society in 2010. It was at least 3 pages long. It was humbling to remember how much happened just last year. So many miracles. So many acts of service. So many wonderful spiritually enriching moments. So many testimonies being strengthened. It's time to pass the baton. Allow someone else the opportunity at the incredible blessings of service and sacrifice. I won't miss the stress. . . but I might miss the blessings that came with it.

I learned a lot. I was challenged. I was shown a glimpse of myself I never knew. I felt the weight of the responsibility of my stewardship. I received inspiration I couldn't deny that I worried I wouldn't recognize. My testimony of the work of the Lord was strengthened. The Lord knows us. He loves us. He guides this church. Perhaps some day when my children are a little more self reliant I might have the privilege of serving again. But hopefully not for a long time.

Winding up 2010

Post snow day - s'mores by the fire pit

Texas Snow Day! Feb 4, 2011Is taking us back to Christmas 2010. . .

Not sure who liked this toy more. . .

We still need to get this movie. Gavin keeps asking to see it. . .

Trip to Utah/Idaho! The best part of Temple Square - the snow! The questions I get to answer. . .

Lily: Mom, why is Jesus naked?

(I'd love to hear how you'd respond.)

This is my Aunt Tanya Ahh, the lights Chinese nativity

Bridge at the hospital where I was born in Jerome, ID. My friend and I used to play under the bridge (in the background under the road) when it was frozen like this day. Probably not the smartest thing to do. . .but definitely fun and adventurous. . .Jessica trying it out

These are the swings mom used to play on when she was little. I've never seen these swings anywhere else. I remember playing on them when I was way young.
IT'S SNOW!

Determined to bring back Frosty. . .

Jessica Sledding

I think I finally got his head. . . didn't you say you had carrots, Mom? We're not twins, we're cousins!

Wesley sledding

Marcano Family in the snow

Leejean and gang Mom! Remember when I fed the camel? It ate from my hand!
Lights in south hills Mark's Llama Home sweet home - warm enough for ice cream!

Christmas 2010 came to the Marcano house a week early. After opening presents with Grandma and Granpa Ellis, we played all day with our toys.

On Sunday, our family sang "Away in a manger" during the Christmas program. Although it was a hastle getting everyone to practice, I want to believe it helped our young children focus on the true meaning of Christmas. I've caught them singing it even now - a month after the program. Jhonny and I also sang with the choir. Right in the middle of the first choir number, Lily came up to me to ask me an important question. Forget that we were singing "O Holy Night" to the congregation! She had to verify if something Jessica told her was true. ?!?!?

On Monday we left early with Cory who was going to help his family move and made it to New Mexico late that night. On Tuesday we got to SLC and dropped off Cory at the train before going to Temple Square for the lights. We hooked up with Tanya who had a previously planned date to go there as well. It worked out pretty nicely, except for the fact that the kids were more interested in the snow than the lights and sounds. It was all I could do to keep Lily from going into the roped off areas to make a "snow angel". She finally got her wish at aunt Tanya's house just before having hot chocolate and falling promptly to sleep.

The next day we got to Idaho where we played in the snow in south hills, met tons of cousins, visited with Great Grandma and Grandpa Ellis, Mindy and Jeff, saw the lights, visited Jerome where I grew up and saw Chronicles of Narnia at the old Jerome Cinema. Lily usually has a hard time visiting a different primary, but since she had so many cousins there, she didn't seem to mind. She kept asking me if the other kids were her "friends?" I guess cousins meant the same thing to her. As it turned out my cousin's wife taught her class. She didn't know they were related until later when they stopped by Grandma and Grandpa's house to say hi.

We meant to top off our vacation by going to the Temple on Tuesday, but the storm was coming in. We had to cut our trip short and head back home. We stopped in Utah to see Spencer and crew before heading back to Texas, but the storm caught up in the night. We drove with white knuckles behind a God sent snow plow through Price canyon. It wasn't until Lily piped up and said, "Be quiet! I'm praying!" that I realized the kids might be just as concerned as I felt. Once we got ahead of the snow we didn't stop til we got to the Texan border even though it meant sleeping in the car. Jessica kissed the ground when we reached home.

For New Years, we had Cory and Joanna and kids over for dinner. The best part of winding up 2010 was welcoming their family to Texas! It's great to know we've got family so close this year.

The kids still talk about the trip and the snow. Buying snow gloves and shoes has come in handy this week as we experienced our own snow day in Rockdale. The arctic blast hit last week and brought about three inches that lasted almost 12 hours. The kids were in and out all morning playing in the snow in the backyard. The sun came out at noon and melted it all away by 2pm. Today we sat around a fire in 65 degree weather and made s'mores. That's Texas for ya!