halfway through service term

for those of you who don't know yet, days in OCS are split into 4 terms.
(i) 2 weeks Common Leadership Module (rank: 1 white bar)
(ii) a 12-week service term (2 white bars)
(iii) a 21-week professional term (3 white bars)
(iv) a 3-week joint term (still 3 white bars)
and then we get our sacred one black bar :D

So now we're halfway through service term and we just finished our first exercise called CENTIPEDE, which was a long 9 day field camp in Tekong

The field camp was actually better than the one in BMT, because we actually camp indoors for 5 out of the 9 days and there was showering facilities and safari beds. There also wasn't any unreasonable tekaning, cos the instructors always try and make us see reason in the things we do.

Still, there were moments where I really was pushed to my limits. The first one was the route march on Day 1 where I carried my FBO, SAR21 and Matador (~35kg total) and marched from Tekong Parade Square to Rocky Hill Stadium. Its a 4km route, but somehow our instructors psychoed us into thinking that its only 3km. Then during our Rest and Relax day, we were made to stay in pushup position for 30mins+ because we fell in late. I absolutely suck at pushups and my arms and legs were already shaking at the 3min mark, but I stayed positive and kept going.

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But the most memorable experience came at a time where I was comfortably sitting on a bench with my section, with just a bottle in my hand and no LBV and field pack on my back. We had just completed our day fighting patrol mission, in which our whole section missed the ambush team completely and was completely annihilated by them. As our section instructor debriefed us, he spoke with a quaver in his voice and couldn't look at anyone of us in the eye.

"I have never been so disappointed before. Even when I lost my girlfriend, I also didn't feel this sad. But now, I really don't know what to say."

Till that point in time, our section absolutely sucked at firefights. 7 men will enter the forest, but more than half will perish and only 1 or 2 will make it out alive. Every firefight is always a failure, or a success with heavy losses. It wasn't our instructor's fault, he taught us all that he could, but somehow we were always letting him down and we took everything for granted.

But that moment really changed all of us. Our instructor was a super nice guy, and he never ever punishes us. That moment where he almost broke down and teared make us realise how much we had let him down, how much he actually means to us, and how much we really want to perform from then on to make him proud.

And really, every mission from then on, we performed our best with the primary aim to make him proud of our section. The remaining 3 missions for patrol field camp were all resounding successes, and our section came in second in water polo during our rest and relax day. We also cleared the 3 missions in the summary circuit in just 4 tries. Each time before we embark on a mission, we will huddle together and chant our section's aim "For Lieutenant Wei Hao Sir!"

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I realised that for me, when I aim to excel at something, my motivation will never be personal, but rather I will have somebody else in mind. I am not innately self-centered, and I find great satisfaction in doing things for others. I mugged 15 hours a day during A-levels because I wanted to show my teachers that I can do it. I worked hard in NS and got into OCS because I want to make my parents proud. Every time when I am near my breaking point and contemplating falling out, I will think of a friend, my section, or LT Wei Hao, and then I will press on. And of course, chanting the title of this blog also helps to alleviate the pain I am going through and motivates me to continue.

OCS life has been really enriching thus far, and I am finally saying farewell to my blur-sotong self which I mentioned in my last post and advancing towards excellence and success. Each achievement makes me more confident and spurs me on to gun for more, and I hope that at the end of OCS, I will really emerge as a changed man.

:)