In a MSN convo with Shanin now, and on the topic of electives.
It makes me wonder why I chose to go for ALPs.
I can't explain that feeling, it's just that when I saw the word "Leadership", I was instantly attracted to it.

I have went for quite a few leadership workshops in RI before. I remember one was during sec 3, and I went for it because they said everyone who are interested in becoming CCALs should go for it. The other one was for all the PSLs. But ALPs was really different because it's not just dry theory drilled into your head, you really get to experience it for yourself.

In that 5 days, I realized that I'm a classic servant-leader. I can stand there and command people to do something, but I will not do so if I can do it myself. When things need to be done, I will be one of the first few people to lead by example and go do it, and one of the last few people to stay back and clear everything up. The only sentence that I can remember from our SS teacher Mrs Morier Matthews is that "Israel has one of the best armies in the world because of their training methods. In Israel, the general is always the one who goes in front and spearhead the fight."

Isn't that just better than generals who stand at the back, tries to psyche up their army with pep talks, and do all the commanding within safe walls while his pawns slog it out for him?

I'm a very others-centered person. I can forsake my own personal assignment and homework, as long as I get my group work done up properly. I will indulge in a Chamber ensem mass convo until as late as I can, instead of studying for my Physics quiz the next day. When Nigel poured hot boiling water on my foot in Sibu, the first thing that I checked was not whether my foot was okay, but whether the fabric of the aqua-shoes were intact because I borrowed them someone else. If it just concerns me, I can heck it because I can be the one at a disadvantage and I can live with it. But if it affects somebody else, then I'll carry that responsibility and make sure things are done properly.

I signed up ALPs because I want to be a better leader, to be a more confident person that can speak up more. Like many of you can see, I'm usually a bit introverted and quiet. I guess its mainly due to my slightly-lower self esteem, that makes me feel inferior to the rest. Thus I don't usually speak a lot, especially to people that I don't know very well, because I'm not sure whether I'm "entitled" to speak or not. But as time goes by and I know you better, once I know that I am "entitled" to speak, I can really talk a lot and be very open with you . Most of you should know that by now I guess, from the way I interact with you over time, especially if I just know you this year.

If you have worked with me for before, (especially Fanny, my dear Art partner) you would know that when I'm quiet, that's when my brain is busy hatching ideas and concepts like mad. I might not share the ideas because I'm not sure whether I'm "entitled" to speak, but once I reach the stage where I know I'm authorised to speak and share my ideas, I can really bring the entire project up whole level.

I have great ideas hidden within me, but they usually stay hidden until I know I am given the authority to share the ideas and speak up to everyone without fear of rejection.

Right now,
I want to be a better leader
I know I can be a great leader, and
I know the changes I can make when I lead.

I love holidays.
They are supposed to allow you to do things which you can't find time to do during school days.
But not this one apparently?
I totally enjoyed ALPs camp, it's totally a life-changing experience.
It took away 5 days of my holidays, but it gave me back so much more.

But now..?
I'm still plagued by homework, and so little time left.
#1.Physics tutorial #2.Chem tutorial qn 21 #3.Math assignment #4.Music Chopin Commentary #5.Music Schumann Commentary #6.Music-Art Project #7.GP group project #8.GP individual jotter book assignment #9.Chinese Test Paper #10.Chinese Composition #11.Revise Math #12.Revise Physics #13.Revise Chem

The last 3 pieces of "homework", aka revision are a must because I'm lagging behind in lectures and tutorials like crap. Binomial and Poisson distribution is like me trying to read Tamil or Sanskrit, and I'm not joking, it's a perfectly apt analogy. Same for Chem and Physics, I'm still in the previous topic. I haven't started Probability tutorial, I'm still at qn 7 of Chem tutorial. I'm still quite blur about Physics thermal (II) and Music is just worse.

I came back from Sibu on Thursday, and the only thing I did so far is #7.GP group project (because I had efficient members), and #6.Music-Art Project. I dunno why I'm spending so much time on the project, it has been on the top of my priority list ever since March holidays started, and even before I went to Sibu.

(The night before I went Sibu, I wrote up an entire plan about 3-4 pages long, and left the note together with all the required items in my locker for my partner to start work. But apparently I'm too dumb to remember to add a +65 in front of my partner's phone number, so she didn't receive any of my sms and nothing was done at all in the 5 days >.<)

The Art part is finished, the Music part is up to me.. The composition is roughly done (not much actually, but I'm just inefficient), and I'm just left with the recording, which I'm going to do tomorrow morning during Protected time.

So... at the end of the March hols, I would have only completed 2 out of the 13 items listed.
2/13 that's like a GPA 0.8
I don't think the homework is a lot, but I just need the time.
Which is quite ironic since I'm spending time blogging now -.-

Like I told Charlotte yesterday, the person I respect the most in the class is Daniel Bonaventure Lim. Same number of subjects as me, more committments than me, and he still manages to get by homework and everything. Plus he still has time for a girlfriend. He's one of the people who actually does Chinese homework and hands it in. And he's really independent and does everything by himself. You can copy his work, but he will never copy your work.

I respect that. Really.

Why can't the Earth revolve at half the speed, so that one day can have 48 hours?! I don't even have time to sit down and practise piano and cello, either one can easily take up 2 hours if I want to engross myself in it. And there are still so many things to do. I haven't indulged in a nice novel for a super long time, and I haven't watched TV for at least 2 months.

Its good to keep a planner and take note of your homework. There are 2 ways of recording the homework. The first way is you write everything that is given out that day on the day itself. The other one is you write the assignment in the date that it is due.

I use the second. Dennis uses the first. You can see the difference for yourself.

Right now I want to have discipline. And time.
I'm declaring a haitus, until the day comes when I'm coping with the workload and I'm on par with everyone else with the tutorials and lectures, and I actually know what the heck the lecturer is talking.

So bye for now, the next time I blog again might be after CTs. Who knows?
Wish me luck =D

It's rare to see a short post on this blog.

Anw, class camp has been great. The activities weren't that fun, and it was definitely not tiring at all >< But the company definitely made up for it.

Sorry readers for having a dead blog here. Life's been super busy now.
And I'm going off to Malaysia Sibu Islands tomorrow, and I'll be back only at Wednesday evening.

See you guys! Take care everyone!