I seldom get the chance to talk to my friends and keep them up-to-date with what's going on with my life...
well, this is it. My online journal. Yah, another personal blog,just exactly what the world needs now. Let's be realistic, it's cheaper than overseas calls. Less tiring than novel-like emails.
About Me
Name: celgee Home: Philippines About Me: just read through my entries and you'll get to know me :) See my complete profile
I spent my lunch time listening about this. Am I engaged? No, I am not referring to my lovelife, but with my work and the company where I work. No questions about the the company, it's great and all... but sometimes as we grow older our priorities in life change. I remember when I was in college, when I was asked to rank what is personally important and what drives me, it was as follows:
I guess my perception about work was different then. But now, with all the different factors I need to consider (economy, plans of having my own family, supporting my parents), things have changed.
Who doesn't want to spend time with their love ones? Maybe when I was younger, this wasn't on the top of my list as I am more eager to set foot in the office.. but now that I am getting older (and my parents are getting older) I would really want to spend time with them as much as possible. But this doesn't mean that I don't have any plans of getting out of Manila. Did I say that my bf is taking up Nursing (We both graduated BS Math CS, but a few years back he pursued his second course). Why are there a lot of people taking up nursing these days? Because of the opportunities abroad, of course!
Going back to the topic, so now my second priority is the compensation. As much as possible, I want to provide the needs and wants of parents. I know they weren't able to enjoy so much when I was still studying, cause we are not rich you know! And of course next priorities would be doing what I love to do and having fun along the way...
I spent half of my day today with my hon. I went to their house at 10am. My hon is so excited about his new phone. He already had it all set-up with the ringtones he'll be using, transferred his contacts, set the name for the bluetooth (which is Celya by the way).
We then watched Aeon Flux. The movie was okay. Though there were some parts that I felt sleepy. Maybe because the fan is focused on my face. :) Around 4pm, we went to Quiapo to accompany his brother. Jason is going to Quiapo to buy some DVDs and wanted us to go with him since he wanted us to check the cabinet he is planning to buy. I left my cellphone at their house and all of my stuff including my wallet. (Jp just asked me to put some money in my pocket, so I did, I just carried Php250 with me.) It was my first time to go to the stall were the DVDs were sold, and boy, there were a lot! From koreanovelas to concerts.. old movies... up-coming movies, name it and they have it. I wasn't really planning to buy DVDs as I usually don't have time to watch them and I prefer watching movies in the theather with my hon and our friends. :) Anyway, to cut the story short I did buy DVDs. I bought 3 - Family Stone, Elizabethtown and A lot like love. (Sobrang mura kaya, Php 50 each lang!)
When we got back to their place, we watched Family Stone. Hmmm... I didn't like the movie so much...maybe because of the ending (maybe I'll talk about that movie my next posts).
Before heading home, we took some pictures. We are trying to pick which picture to use for his phone - it will be the picture that will appear everytime I call or text him. (Also, as you have already noticed in my other posts and if you know me... I am sooo fond of taking pictures and being in pictures).
I'll be seeing my honey today. He'll be picking me up from work. :) It's been 5 days since I last saw him, and it feels like it been a very long time. I have been thinking over the past few days of what to give him this valentines day. I wasn't able to buy a gift for him as well last Jan 14 when we celebrated our anniversary.
So, I finally made up my mind and bought the gift together with Pat and Giff. (They were actually teasing me that it might just get lost, just like the other gift I bought him last year... that I'll just see his friends' pictures in it and will make me more jealous).. But it doesn't matter that much.. I know how much he likes what I bought him and I am excited to see he's reaction when he sees it.
I wrapped the gift several times. . . I mean I wrapped it first using Manila Paper. Then some used bond paper here in the office. Placed it in bubble wrap. Wrapped it again with Manila Paper. Placed it in a big box, then wrapped it with a nice blue wrapper. :) I am sooo excited to give it to him already. Can't wait... :)
I take the fx (or shutttle) everyday to/from the office. I usually sit at the back seat because I usually sleep while on transit. Well, this morning I decided to take the passenger seat. I didn't like the songs being played on the radio (as usual the driver is tuned into the Love Radio 90.7). So, I took out my headphones and just listened to the mp3s on my phone. When I reached Ayala Ave, I prepared my things and turned off the player. . . getting ready to get off the fx. And then the driver talked to me. .
Driver: San ka nagttrabaho? Me: Sa 6750 Bldg po Driver: Sige, hatid na kita duon. Me: ah, Ok. Driver: San nag-wowork ang asawa mo? Me: Ay, wala pa ho akong asawa. Driver: Sa susunod pag ikaw na lang ang sakay ko ulit, ihahatid na lang kita sa tapat ng building nyo.
Hmm... sounds a little creepy, or maybe he is just trying to be friendly.
I am waiting for someone to send me a text message. I have asked him to text me when he gets home. Maybe he forgot. He is currently on duty this week from 11pm to 7am since Sunday. The exact opposite of my schedule. He gets home by 8am . . . I am just about to wake up at 8. He leaves home at 9:30pm. I am still at the office at 9:30pm. . .I usually get home at 11.
For the past 3 days, we could not get hold of each other. Usual text messages are just the ones that are sent out to say that he's about to leave home, I'm already in the office, etc. It is sometimes frustrating to keep on looking on you cellphone and see that there isnt any message. :( 3 days have gone and I have no idea how things are going with his life. Just the other day we talked about the issues I am having with him having another close friend. Not that I am threathened that he will leave me, its just that I do not like the idea that he shares his stories to her more than me. He finally told me what I really needed to hear…after the long wait. He is getting tired of me over-analyzing his stories. I guess it is partly due to my line of work. You see, in the work that I do I sometimes need to see beyond why some things should be done, why they are done that way, other alternatives, why they thought of that, and so much more. He does get hurt when I question him in the same way. He said that I don't really listen and I just ask questions. He has already developed a fear in me. . . :( It hit me when he said that. I suddenly felt that I am bad person. It seems like he is no longer comfortable to tell me some of the things that are going on with his life. Hayyy. . . So much for being a systems analyst. Now I feel like have to be the person who just listens and doesn't challenge why things happened the way they were (at least outside work). And that I should not get angry for the little things that should have never been an issue if I trusted him… I am pretty sure that will tough. It is like being a sponge that just absorbs everything. I wonder where this is heading. . . but one thing is for sure..whenever I have those moments that I feel like getting angry. . . I may not express it anymore, but do expect an entry here in my blog about it.
My iPod is Now Playing: Stay by Lisa Loeb
You say I only hear what I want to. You say I talk so all the time so . . . And you say I only hear what I want to: I don't listen hard, Don't pay attention to the distance that you're running To anyone, anywhere, I don't understand if you really care, I'm only hearing negative: no, no, no. . .
You might say there's nothing new about me being so stressed. Maybe today is just one of those days. I had this Siebel task which I needed to complete, which was supposed to be pretty simple. It is simple, as we usually do it as part of support. Unfortunately, today isn't my lucky day. The environment seemed to be playing tricks on me and I ended up troubleshooting on the server and doing the 'fun' stuff. :) Oh well, i just feel so tired today.. not sure why. Maybe because I had a working lunch and I was in my cube from 9:45-12 and 12:30-7:00. (Sorry, I had lunch from 12-12:30).. I barely noticed the time and the thought of going to the washroom didn't even cross my mind. Good thing Pat and Giff were around.... somehow I was able to release my pent up frustrations with the task I was doing. Haaaay.. and I am still in the office now.. nothing special.. just waiting for my 9:30 meeting..
my blog. I just finished talking to my boyfriend a few minutes ago. Trying to tell him about my issues in life. Sometimes when I feel frustrated and angry, I have a tendency to say things that could be a little hurtful. I don't want to drive people away whenever I confront them with what I feel, but sometimes I feel like it would have been better if I left things unsaid. :( That's what I love most about blogging. This has been my refuge. The only place I get spill out the things I don't like about my life without offending someone (at least I try not to hardcode names ha). I guess this is now things will be from now on. I'll just write down my disappointments here as well. At least here I can freely speak about my point of view without being judged. Haaaayyy. :(
So many things are running through my head right now, and sometimes I feel like my heart is having a hard time catching up. I feel sad. I can't understand why. Supposedly things should have been better since I have already talked to him, but it seems like things just got a bit more complicated. I am tired of getting other people's opinion, as sometimes I get influenced about what they think and can make me more angry at myself or him or the other people. I am starting to think that telling others about it is not really helping me at all. Well, doesn't matter really, as most of the people whose advice matters to me are either busy or not around. Oh well, at least I have my blog. It's not biased or does not get hurt with all the things I say (of course, how could it...haha). I can always run to it anytime I want to. I don't have to worry about wasting it's time, coz it's all mine. At least it makes me feel that someone listens.
Am I really turning into a green-eyed monster or do I really have the reason to be like this? I am trying to be logical about things, but sometimes I feel like I am analyzing things I should not even worry or think about. There are just a lot of things that I am not comfortable of right now. Well, I guess you could say I am just over reacting, and there is nothing I should fuss about.
I am getting so pissed off. I do not think he is the type who fools around with other girls. He is a really nice guy, you see. But sometimes, paranoia hits me and when it does, I turn into this green-eyed gf who can be really mean and hardhearted. I could not bear the thought of things happening behind my back. . . but I am so tired of talking about this with him.
Just got home from Gil's party. . . it was just the 4 of us - Gil, Allan, Jp and me. From what used to be a group of 10, we are now down to 4. Most of us have gone overseas, some pre-occupied with their own lives now. Our conversations earlier were just about the typical stuff - work, latest buzz about our friends, and our lives back in college. Makes me miss my life back then more. We had fun reminiscing the things we have done back then. . . the outings, our professors, the usual gimmicks and their hobbies (counterstrike, warcraft, ragnarok. . . and yes, there moments earlier when I felt so lost in the conversation. . .feeling out of place coz I have no idea what they were talking about, but that's one of the things I am so used to and sometimes miss about my barkada from college). Of course the discussions wouldn't have been complete if we did not bring up our old flames. Ha-ha! The what-ifs and what could have, and how things unexpectedly turn out to be as they are. How we all became friends and the moments that we thought were trivial then, but turned out to be significant as it was because of those things that made us friends. I am happy that I have such wonderful friends. . . :)
Why do people have to look for their brother/sister in others? I am just not convinced about what people say as treating someone as his/her brother/sister because their natural bro/sis is currently indisposed. Do you really have to stick it to other people's face by calling each other 'kuya/ate'? It's just a lame excuse to be close to someone, and I am not buying this. I really really really hate how things are going and I just wish you'd disappear.
Our project had another rigodon to rattle us again and to start the year feeling disoriented with one's new cube. I already like the place where I used to sit. . .well, I guess it's time to move out and try a new location. I now have a window seat, overlooking Ayala Avenue. Hmm.. lighting is okay. It's not too cold nor hot in this new place so I guess it's much better than my previous cube. What I like most is my little haven. . . The area in my cube where I can have my "break". Break from all the code and issues from work.. where I could look and just take time to appreciate the things that make me smile. :)
Have you ever had moments in your life that out of nowhere, you encounter a moment that you feel so in love? Well, I am having that feeling right now. I am listening to my iPod and it's currently playing 'Shower me with you love'. Mushy? Yah. . . we'll I'm not really paying much attention to what I had in the Easy Listening category. I am actually coding and had to stop when some of the lines caught my attention.
"Fairy tales, they do Sometimes come true If you believe it Could happen to you. . ."
I could say my love story is like fairy tale, and it has been a roller coaster ride. . .had a few bumps along the way, but no regrets. I am who I am now because of all the things I went through. However, unlike a fairy tale, I don't want a happy ending. . . I just don't want things to end. :) 6yrs and 2 days. *sigh* Can't believe we've made it this far. . . I am just sooo happy WE DID!!!
Siena College Q.C., High School 1993-1997 - I had sooo much fun during this time. I'd say this was one of the most memorable times in my life. Imagine this - a white stone table, with 14 girls sitting around it and having an open forum. This is just one of the things I miss. Sitting with my friends and telling them things that are going on with my life. I can tell them anything. . . no inhibitions. no barriers. I'm so lucky to be a part of this 'barkada' (XTINCT). We have been friends for more than 10 years now and I can say that despite being away from each other (Kat lives in Canada, Lot and Sheng are in Texas, Rose and Xmas are in NY) and being busy with work, we still find time to see each other once in a while or at least send an email or SMS.
Last Christmas, Kat (she has been living in Canada since May 2001 2000) went back here in Manila. Despite her busy schedule of seeing her relatives and other friends, she was able to meet us for dinner and coffee. She was still the same Kat I knew from way back. Blooming and happy. :) It was so nice to start the year with my friends. I have missed all of them so much. We were all able to catch up with how things are going and hear the latest buzz (hehe). I just hope we could do that more often… but even if we don't, it doesn't change how I feel for all of them. Our friendship has been tested by time (and by some people he-he), and it just shows that what we all have is something that is true.
"True Friends can grow separately without growing apart." - unknown
Look at my honey in the next pictures... ang kulit! :)
