Rubbing Clay on my Eyes

You know that story in the Bible where Christ heals a blind man by rubbing clay on his eyes? How absurd it might have seemed to the man. How will clay heal blindness? What does clay have to do with anything? It has bacteria and if it gets in your eye, that would probably sting quite a bit. And yet it worked. The man was healed.

Sometimes the Lord goes about healing us in mysterious ways that can seem quite absurd at times. Sometimes He uses means in which our instincts are telling us that it is counterproductive. We all have those moments in our lives when the Lord asks us to rub clay in our eyes.

I want to share an experience where the Lord rubbed clay in my eyes. Throughout my mission I experienced great loneliness. In fact, it was the loneliest time of my entire life. As a missionary, you're not allowed to have contact with your friends and family other than a brief weekly email. Sometimes you don't get any emails. For some, like in my case, you don't speak the language and you have no idea what anyone is talking about around you. You really can't make the kind of friendships with ward members or investigators that fulfill that human need for interaction...because you can't communicate. Sure you might be able to get a grasp on what your companion is teaching, and you might be able to bear your testimony, but it doesn't fulfill that human need for connection (at least not in the beginning of a mission). You really only have your companion, but sometimes that doesn't fulfill the need either. Sometimes they can be rude and insensitive. Sometimes, even though you have that one person with you 24-7, you still feel completely alone.

It was like that for me, but then the Lord rubbed clay on my eyes. In the most painful way possible.
I reached a point in my mission where suddenly I couldn't feel the Lord's presence anymore. I knew He had to be there, because I was being obedient and I was seeing miracles, but for some reason I didn't feel him any more. I was full of anxiety. I would pray so hard for some feeling that God was listening to my prayers. I wasn't asking for a sign or anything big; I just wanted that reassuring feeling that things were going to work out. I just wanted to feel calm. But I didn't feel anything in response to my prayers, just more desperation.

I don't write about this to complain or ask for sympathy, but to explain how the Lord works in mysterious ways. You see, I have heard (and experienced myself) when the Lord humbles us and wants us to come closer to Him, He sometimes takes things away from us, as a reminder to come back to Him. Many people who feel extreme loneliness often describe how during that time their relationship with God became all the stronger. I felt like that throughout most of my mission, that while I was separated from friends and family, I was so much closer to God. Sometimes, for the Lord to heal us, he rubs clay in our eyes.

I understood that part. And yet...that didn't explain why the Lord turned His head away from me. Why did He let me mentally suffer so much? I was trying to have a relationship with Him, but where where was He?

For so long I didn't have the answer to this. I couldn't say that I felt stronger afterwards. I felt pretty weak to be honest. It has bothered me for so long. I tried to come up with different possible answers, but nothing satisfied the hurt I felt at having God turn away from me. I had preached so much that God will always be there for us. But I learned an important lesson: sometimes He's not. If you disagree, reread the story of Job.

It wasn't until a month ago that I finally understood. It occurred to me, that if God takes away (for lack of a better term) our friends in order to have a stronger relationship with Him, maybe sometimes He will do the opposite. If God was there for us every time we needed Him, if He completely fulfilled that need for connection, than why would we ever need to ask help of anyone else? To some people who are very extroverted, this may be a hard concept to understand, but sometimes I'd rather do everything on my own. I'd rather not have to deal with people who can be rude and insensitive.

But it is important that we do make relationships with people. It is part of God's plan to help others and to ask help of others. We should not try to live in isolation. "It is not good for man to be alone."

And so maybe God stepped out of my life for a bit to urge me to go to others and ask for help. I was more honest with my companions and my mission president that I was in a lot of pain, and because of that, my relationships with them became so much stronger. I learned that it is not good to hold in pain for so long. It's important to talk about it. It's important to make friends. Yes God wants us to have a relationship with Him, but He also wants us to have a relationship with others, and so sometimes He might step out of the picture a little bit to urge us to go to others.

It's like clay. It doesn't make sense at the time. In fact it stings. But God knows what He is doing. We all experience trials, but I know that those trials are to heal us. Sometimes the healing process takes a LONG time. Sometimes you don't know exactly what the Lord is healing you of. Sometimes it may seem counterproductive or illogical. Like clay being rubbed into your eyes. But I testify that I am a better person because of my trial.

Inside-Out 2: Heart Emotions

I like to blog it blog it. I like to blog it blog it. I like to... BLOG IT!

I asked my roommates how I should start off this blog post. And that is what they said I should write.

So in one of my classes on the family, we learned about gratitude. It was amazing. This wasn't your usual Sunday School lesson on gratitude. Remember, I'm studying to be a therapist, so our lesson was tailored to how we can help clients feel better.

Well you know how the brain releases all sorts of hormones that make you feel a range of different feelings? Did you know that the heart releases hormones too?! That's what I learned. And it's so cool. And these hormones fulfill a very specific purpose of lowering your blood pressure, which helps you feel emotions like love, appreciation, care, happiness, compassion, non-judgment, courage, patience, sincerity, and forgiveness. These are your heart emotions, meaning that their origin is your heart. People who have artificial hearts can still feel these things, because parts of these emotions do come from your brain, but a good portion of these emotions originate from your heart. When we say "I love you with all my heart" it's true! And that's why we use the heart and not the brain as the symbol of love.

These hormones are also incredibly healthy for your body. Even minuscule portions of these hormones in your blood can be so beneficial in reducing your likely of getting kidney failure and other things.

But now as a therapist (or even just a friend), how do you help someone actually feel these emotions? I mean how do help someone be patient? Or have courage? Or be sincere? As class, after several painful minutes of not being able to come up with something (besides gratitude), we suggested service could help you feel some of these emotions. We agreed that that was probably the closest we could get. But other than that, the only thing that a person can really just decide to have is gratitude.

Start listing things you are grateful. But don't just list them off. Really think about it. Think about things you really are grateful for. Take a walk and find three physical things of nature that you are grateful for. The more gratitude you feel, the more your heart will start releasing heart emotions, your anxiety levels will go down and your health and happiness will go up.

November is the month of gratitude. Lets make it a grateful month! 

And remember to send your suggestions to Disney for Inside-Out 2! (I give credit to Amber Norrell for coming up with that idea)

I like that! I don't like that!

I am a family studies major. I am applying to get into the graduate school for Marriage and Family Therapy. As such, I take lots of classes all about the family, such as Cross-Cultural Families and Human Development, Theories in Family Perspective, Advanced Family Processes, and Marriage and Family Enrichment/Therapy. It is the best. I get to learn about families all day long and I love it. In one of my classes, we had a lesson on parenting that particularly impressed me.

We played 2 games. The first game was called the "I like that" game. A girl and boy went out of the room and when the girl came back in, our goal was to get her to touch the projector.

However, the girl did not know what she was supposed to do. And all we could say was "I like that" when she got closer to it. If she moved in the wrong direction, we were to be silent and say nothing at all. It is kind of like the hot and cold game where you say "hot" when the person is near the object and "cold" when the person is far away. Except for in this game we couldn't say cold or any other form of "I don't like that." We could only reward her when she did something right.

I like that!

             

It was obvious that the girl enjoyed the game. She got a smile on her face, quickly figuring out in which direction she should move. In just a minute and a half she had figured it out and had climbed on a chair and touched the projector.

Then we played a second game: the "I DON'T like that" game. It was the complete opposite. The boy came in from the hall and our goal was the same: to get him to touch the projector. However, this time, if the boy moved in the right direction, we were to say nothing. But if he moved in the WRONG direction, we were to yell at him like an angry parent "I don't like that!" 

The boy tried so many things, trying to figure out what we wanted him to do. But we just kept yelling "I don't like that." Eventually he became frozen in the front of the classroom. It was obvious that he wasn't enjoying this game. We weren't either. It took him about 5 minutes to finally touch the projector like we wanted him to and the game was over.

Our teacher related these two games to parenting. How often do parents play the "I don't like that" game with their kids instead of the "I like that" game? But which will actually produce better behavior? Praising and reinforcing children's good behavior will encourage them to explore and do other things that please Mom or Dad. They are more confident and much happier children. The "I don't like that" game, however, often leads to paralyzing behavior. The children do not have much confidence, do not explore, are much more distressed, and have a harder time making decisions. This game was a very vivid demonstration of the differences between reinforcement-based parenting and punishment-based parenting.

Then the teacher asked us something that really hit me.

How many times do we play the "I don't like that!" game with ourselves?

How many times do we get angry and hard on ourselves whenever we make a mistake? Do we focus on punishing ourselves for bad behavior or rewarding ourselves for good behavior?

“It may seem odd to think of having a relationship with ourselves, but we do. Some people can’t get along with themselves. They criticize and belittle themselves all day long until they begin to hate themselves. . . . Learn to see yourself as Heavenly Father sees you—as His precious daughter or son with divine potential” -President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Ever since this lesson I have been trying to change my thinking. When I am tempted to get angry at myself, I try to look for the positive in the situation and think "well at least I did this..." I definitely usually have a punishment-based relationship with myself, but I am starting to change that. This lesson really woke me up to how negative I can be towards myself and that that isn't the best way to want to change. I have been doing pretty well, and I am proud of myself.

We are all children of God and we have such potential. Instead of punishing ourselves, let's focus on what we are doing right. Let's pay attention to the good things we do. Yes we make mistakes. We're not perfect. That's part of life. But I think we do much more good than we realize. 

I wanted to share that with you all. Hopefully I have touched at least one other person to remember to be kinder to themselves. Love you all! Happy Sunday!

Swim Lessons and Life Lessons

Sorry it has been so long! A whole semester has gone by and I have learned much this semester about research, parenting, the Old Testament, Spanish, and more research. Finals have come and gone and we are now in Spring term, but I am currently not taking any classes. I am just working. I work custodial from 5 am to 11 am in the Administration building and the Museum of Art. I really haven't had anything to write in a long time, hence my absence from my blogging. Sorry about that. But today I started remembering a lesson that time and again has been impressed upon me.

When I first graduated high school, I became a lifeguard and a swim teacher. Here is a picture of me four years ago:

As you can see, I haven't changed much.

Teaching swim lessons could be either super fun or a total nightmare, depending on the children's attitudes that day. But I got to say, it was always such a rewarding thing after days or weeks of working with a child to watch them swim out on their own for the first time, and to see the joy on their parents' faces as they grabbed the video camera and cheered from the sidelines. I would think to myself, "Wow. I did that. I taught a child a life-saving skill. I taught that child to swim."

The majority of the time too I was assigned to teach the preschool-aged children. I had a lot of patience with them, so they always stuck me with the 4 and 5 year-old's. One of the important skills I had to teach them was how to float on their backs. We did this in a very interesting way.

The child’s head would rest on my shoulder with his/her cheek touching my cheek. Floating on their back is a very scary experience for a child, but they must learn to do so to swim. Having their cheek against my cheek is comforting to the child. I am able to whisper to them to keep them calm. Their body then rests on my hands. Like this:

I would wait for the child to relax. As the child relaxed and filled their lungs with air and stared up at the sky, they would become more buoyant. However, a child cannot learn to float if they forever remain in this position, resting on my hands. Eventually, I must lower my hands. But we were to never remove our hands. Just lower them. That way if the child began to sink, they would just land on my hands. That way they could never drown. And while my hands may have lowered, their head remains on my shoulder, touching my cheek. They don’t float completely on their own until they are older.

Without fail, every time I did this for the first time with a child, they became scared and started kicking their feet and flashing their arms. That or their arms would come up and lock around my neck. As they started thrashing, they would immediately start to sink. Where they would just land on my hands. It would take a couple lessons. But eventually they would learn that if they remained calm, they would float, and they would learn that they could trust me, that I would never let them drown. They also needed to keep looking upwards towards the sky. They couldn't see what was below them, and that was scary, and so sometimes they would take their eyes off the sky to try to see what was below them, but then their spine would curve and they would start to sink.

It is all the same with us and God. At first God has us resting on his hands. It is scary not seeing what is before us, but we eventually learn to feel his spirit (the hands) and we become calm. But God cannot teach us to float this way. He must lower his hands. Without the comforting touch of his hands that we are used to, we often become scared and may begin to freak out. We must remain calm though in order to float. But if we do start to sink, God’s hands are waiting under the water to catch us. God will never let us drown. And all the while we must continue to look to the Heavens and pray and listen to that whisper to keep us calm so we can remain floating.

Celeste

My Favorite Book of Mormon Story: 1 Nephi 8 ...with pictures!!

During my mission, there was no other scripture I shared as often as 1 Nephi 8:12 -a fact which each of my companions can testify to. I love the story of 1 Nephi 8. This is the story of the Tree of Life. In more homes than I could possibly count I shared this scripture. I love how this story can be applied to all people of all ages. I love the symbolism in this story, and each time I shared this scripture with a family, I gained a little more insight into the Love of God.

1 Nephi 8 is the story of a man, a prophet, named Lehi. He had a dream, and in this dream he had a vision of the tree of life.

At the beginning of my mission, before I had even entered the field, this story became very personal to me. I went through an experience that I felt could only be explained through this vision. I felt the love of God. I felt his cleansing, forgiving, atoning sacrifice in my life. And I wanted to share that with everyone.
The following is my depiction of the tree of life story, with pictures! (The pictures were all taken during my mission and were made into facebook posts to explain the story of the tree of life)

In the story of the Tree of Life, Lehi first dreams of himself in a dark and dreary wilderness and says

"And it came to pass that I saw a man, and he was dressed in a white robe; and he came and stood before me." (vs. 5)

"And it came to pass that he spake unto me, and bade me follow him.

And it came to pass that as I followed him I beheld myself that I was in a dark and dreary waste.

And after I had traveled for the space of many hours in darkness, I began to pray unto the Lord that he would have mercy on me, according to the multitude of his tender mercies." (vs. 6-8)

"And it came to pass after I had prayed unto the Lord I beheld a large and spacious field." (vs. 9)

"And it came to pass that I beheld a tree, whose fruit was desirable to make one happy." (vs. 10)

"And it came to pass that I did go forth and partake of the fruit thereof; and I beheld that it was most sweet, above all that I ever before tasted. Yea, and I beheld that the fruit thereof was white, to exceed all the whiteness that I had ever seen." (vs. 11)

"And as I partook of the fruit thereof it filled my soul with exceedingly great joy; wherefore, I began to be desirous that my family should partake of it also; for I knew that it was desirable above all other fruit." (vs. 12)

The famous verse! The verse I read more than any other verse! I am now going to pause in the story and give an explanation of what is going on and how this all applies to us. 

So Lehi was walking in darkness and after he prayed he found a beautiful tree with glowing, white fruit. He ate the fruit and it was the sweetest thing he had ever tasted. It filled him with joy. And he wanted to share that fruit with his family.

This is part of human nature. When we cook a good meal, we want to share it with others. When we learn something interesting, we want to share it. When we hear a good joke, we want to tell it and hear others laugh as well. When we go see a good movie, we recommend the movie to others. When we go to a fun or exciting or interesting place, we want to bring our family a long. We want to spend life's most enjoyable experiences with our loved ones.

So what does this story mean? Because clearly it has a deeper meaning other than really tasty fruit, or it wouldn't have been included in the Book of Mormon.

Well, Lehi has a son named Nephi. Nephi is actually the one writing all of this down for us. Later, Nephi prays about this vision his father had. He wanted to know what it all meant. The Lord revealed to him that the Tree of Life represents the love of God.

Nephi also finds out and tells us what almost all of the objects in the vision symbolize. I will explain what they symbolize later. But there is one symbol that he does not tell us.

It is the fruit. He does not tell us what the fruit of the tree of life symbolizes. I conclude that the reason he didn't tell us straight out what it means, is so that we can interpret for ourselves. There is no single right answer. What is the fruit of the love of God? Each person will have their own definition of what the fruit is.

I asked so many families and individuals what the fruit of the Love of God was in their life. I got more answers than I ever thought I could. Some were very specific, others talked about the fruit being more of feelings of peace and love. Here are some of the answers I got:

The gospel

Temples

The Book of Mormon

Children

Children being born

Families

Eternal Families

Eternal Life

Enlightenment

Knowledge

Every time a new temple is made

Music

Love

Peace

Talents

The scriptures

Jesus Christ

The Atonement

The church

Baptism

There were more answers, but I left my list at home and I can't remember all of them. But these were some of them.

I love asking this question, because it shows to me the different ways the Lord manifests his love in our life. To each of us, there is a different way we feel his love and experience joy. We can find evidence of his love in so many ways. There is not just one answer to what is the fruit of the love of God.

To me personally, the fruit of the Love of God is that cleansing, forgiving, enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. There was no greater feeling I had experienced than knowing that I was forgiven of my sins. I had never felt such joy. And I wanted to share that with everyone on my mission.

"And as I cast my eyes round about, that perhaps I might discover my family also, I beheld a river of water; and it ran along, and it was near the tree of which I was partaking the fruit." (vs. 13)

"And I looked to behold from whence it came; and I saw the head thereof a little way off; and at the head thereof I beheld your mother Sariah, and Sam, and Nephi; and they stood as if they knew not whither they should go.

And it came to pass that I beckoned unto them; and I also did say unto them with a loud voice that they should come unto me, and partake of the fruit, which was desirable above all other fruit." (vs. 14-15)

So after eating the fruit, Lehi wanted to share it with his family. So should we after tasting of the fruit of the love of God.

"And it came to pass that they did come unto me and partake of the fruit also.

And it came to pass that I was desirous that Laman and Lemuel should come and partake of the fruit also; wherefore, I cast mine eyes towards the head of the river, that perhaps I might see them.

And it came to pass that I saw the, but they would not come unto me and partake of the fruit.

And I beheld a rod of iron, and it extended along the bank of the river, and led to the tree by which I stood.

And I also beheld a straight and narrow path, which came along by the rod of iron, even to the tree by which I stood; and it also led by the head of the fountain, unto a large and spacious field, as if it had been a world." (vs. 16-20)

"And I saw numberless concourses of people, many of whom were pressing forward, that they might obtain the path which led unto the tree by which I stood." (vs. 21)

"And it came to pass that they did come forth, and commence in the path which led to the tree.

And it came to pass that there arose a mist of darkness; yea, even an exceedingly great mist of darkness, insomuch that they who had commenced in the path did lose their way, that they wandered off and were lost.

And it came to pass that I beheld others pressing forward, and they came forth and caught hold of the end of the rod of iron; and they did press forward through the mist of darkness, clinging to the rod of iron, even until they did come forth and partake of the fruit of the tree." (22-24)

Nephi later tells us that the rod of iron represents the word of god. When I was younger, I thought this just mean the scriptures. But God tells us "whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants it is the same" (D&C 1:38). So the word of god could be the scriptures, but it also includes the words of the prophets, the apostles, the stake presidents, the bishops, and even the missionaries. All of these people help guide people to the path that leads to pure joy: the love of God.

"And after they had partaken of the fruit of the tree they did cast their eyes about as if they were ashamed.

And I also cast my eyes round about, and beheld, on the other side of the river of water, a great and spacious building; and it stood as it were in the air, high above the earth." (vs. 25-26)

"And it was filled with people, both old and young, both male and female; and their manner of dress was exceedingly fine; and they were in the attitude of mocking and pointing their fingers towards those who had come at and were partaking of the fruit.

And after they had tasted of the fruit they were ashamed, because of those that were scoffing at them; and they fell away into forbidden paths and were lost." (vs. 27-28)

Nephi later explains that the great and spacious building represents the pride and vain imaginations of the world. The mist of darkness represents the temptations of sin. Some people will fall away from the path and become lost in the darkness because they are not holding tightly to the rod of iron. Other people will make it to the tree and taste the fruit, but then they will become distracted and lured away by the great and spacious building.

"And now, I, Nephi, do not speak all the words of my father.

But, to be short in writing, behold, he saw other multitudes pressing forward; and they came and caught hold of the end of the rod of iron; and they did press their way forward, continually holding fast to the rod of iron, until they came forth and fell down and partook of the fruit of the tree." (vs. 29-30)

Still others will make it to the tree and will stay there. If you have tasted of the fruit of the love of God, I first invite you to identify what that fruit is in your life, and then share it with others, and help them on that path, holding on to word of God. I know that the fruit is the most sweet above all other fruit that is sweet. I love my God with all my heart. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Practically Perfect in Every Way

I stole the title of today's post from Mary Poppins. Mary Poppins is the embodiment of perfection. Kind but firm when needed, sensible, full of grace and elegance. 

Unfortunately, such perfection is not exactly an option for the majority of us. She is on fact a character of fiction. The only perfect being known to have walked the earth was our Savior Jesus Christ. So why is it that so many of us try to be perfect? Why do I try to be perfect?

It is not really a secret that I am a perfectionist. I've always understood that perfectionism is an unhealthy way of thinking. For one thing, being perfect is impossible in this life, so I am just setting myself up for failure. Trying to be perfect brings much anxiety and disappointment and can really sap the joy out of everything. I've heard time and time again, don't be a perfectionist, and yet I still send myself into a panic when things don't go exactly the way I want them too. I'm getting so much better now, the more I understand the Plan of Salvation, which I will explain my reasons in a minute, but for me to battle my perfectionism, I first had to understand WHY I was a perfectionist. Why so many of us are perfectionists.

Firstly, we all are unique and come to this world with different spiritual traits and gifts. I am naturally obedient. I do not like to disobey. I have never been very rebellious. That is just who I am. I am naturally obedient. That is a part of my spirit, who I am at my core. It is who I want to be. Completely obedient. If my spirit had it's way, I would be. But I have a human body, and it simply isn't possible. And so then my spirit and my body come into conflict and I become frustrated.

The other important thing to realize is that before we lived here on earth, we lived with our Father in Heaven, a perfect being. We lived in the premortal realm, a perfect place. We weren't completely perfect, but we were pretty darn close. We lived in perfection with the most perfect being in the Universe! We were used to it! And then we come down to earth where NOTHING is perfect, and well it can be pretty traumatizing to some of our spirits, whether we realize that or not.

And then a huge part of my being a perfectionist is that I really didn't understand a very important part of the plan of salvation. That is the fall of Adam, and the difference it made. 

You see I was under the misconception that when we come to earth, we already have these bad habits or tendencies that we need to work on and over come in this life. So basically, if I am lazy in this life, that is a reflection of who I am, who I was before this life. If I am lazy here, I must have been lazy there, and if I ever want to overcome that laziness, I need to do so now.

Can you see how much pressure that would put on me? Because if I acted lazy in some way, I felt that made me a "lazy person" or a "lazy spirit." Or if I was uncharitable towards someone, I felt that made me an "uncharitable spirit."

I didn't understand the premortal realm and the fall of Adam. You see, we were practically perfect in the premortal world. We were all Marry Poppins. What changed that was the fall of Adam. The scriptures call it the curse of Adam, or the curse of the flesh. When Adam and Eve were first in the garden, they were perfect. They didn't sin. They had no desire to sin. They weren't tempted in any way. Because they were different. Their bodies did not permit them to. But when they partook of the fruit of knowledge of good and evil, they fell. They changed, and the whole world changed with them. They physically changed. Suddenly they could sin. They were tempted. They felt things like lust, desire, hunger, envy, and all the other temptations. It is the same with us. We come to earth and we are given bodies that are imperfect. They come with disabilities. They come with temptations. They come with illnesses. They are great gifts, but they are imperfect and cause us to do many things that are less than perfect. Thus our sins are not a reflection of who we are at our core. They do not define us. If I do something bad, I am not a bad person.

While we are here, we are to learn to control these bodies, to control the appetites and desires and temptations. And some day, we will be glorified. It will not be in this life. But when we are resurrected, we WILL have perfect bodies. Not just bodies that no longer have scars or missing hair, but bodies that are no longer ruled by appetites, fears, lusts, and passions. Some day we will be perfect, like our Father in Heaven who is perfect. But for now, we can be content with simple progress. God understands that it is difficult. He knows the desires of our hearts. He doesn't expect us to be perfect right now. So long as we repent, He forgives us of our sins. Our sins do not define us. We are not our imperfections. We are not our mistakes. We are children of God with the potential to become like him. I know He loves us. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Worth of Women - 10 Things

I am going to share a slightly more personal story with all of you, but during my first year of college, there was a week when my building of girls was given this challenge to do this sort of "Health Week." We were given this list that explained what we should do so we could be healthy in all aspects of our life. So one day was like eating healthy so we could be healthy physically. Another day was like read your scriptures to be spiritually healthy. And so on. I don't know how many girls actually did it; I know I tried but I certainly didn't do it every day. But the one day I still remember very clearly was when we were supposed to write down 10 things we liked about ourselves. I think it was part of being emotionally healthy. And so I sat down to write 10 things I liked about myself.

And I couldn't do it.

I realized that I didn't like myself. I didn't have 10 qualities that I liked about myself in that moment. And it shocked me. It was the first time it dawned on me how much I did not like myself. I knew that God didn't want it to be like that. I knew God didn't want me to hate myself. And so I said a prayer and after a long time of pondering about it, I finally came up with a list of 10 things I liked about myself though it wasn't easy. And I started praying every night for Heavenly Father to show me what He liked about me, to help me like myself.

On the mission, I started doing that again with another companion. Each night we wrote down 10 things we liked about ourselves. Not very long after, I started studying intensely the worth of women. What makes women special? I hear it all the time in conference talks. "You women are beautiful! You women are great!" But what makes us beautiful? What makes us great?

I could probably write a book on what I've learned, but I have condensed it to ten things.

Here are my 10 things I like about myself and that make women beautiful:

1. Faith

Whether you think you have faith or not, women you have a great potential to have faith. Men may have the priesthood, but you have extraordinary faith. It is not just faith to see miracles, but the kind of faith that permeates. The kind of faith that is catching. The kind of faith that when other's hear your testimony, they feel the spirit. They SEE your faith. I love my faith. I love how much it has grown on my mission. I love the lessons I learned about it. If there is anything I love more about myself it is my testimony. It is my love for the gospel, my desire to return to my Heavenly Father. 

2. Spiritually Sensitive

Elder M. Russell Ballard said "Our sister leaders have a spiritual sensitivity that will prompt them how to best approach and nurture those whom the missionaries are teaching." Said an apostle of the Lord! We sisters are spiritually sensitive. And I love that about myself. I love that I can feel the spirit and that I am quick to sense when it is gone. I love that I am sensitive to other's needs.

3. Compassionate

Women have an amazing ability to be compassionate. It is just in our nature to be so. As such, we form the largest women's organization in the world: The Relief Society. A society for women to bring relief and compassion to people all over the world. There is no other organization quite like it. I love that I am a part of the Relief Society, and I love that I have compassion.

4. Virtuous

"Women bring with them into the world a certain virtue, a divine gift that makes them adept at

instilling such qualities as faith, courage, empathy, and refinement in relationships and in cultures." -Elder D. Todd Christoffserson

Elder Christofferson also calls this the moral force of women. I know that I have that within me too. I am virtuous and I love that about me. "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies." (Proverbs 31:10)

5. The Power to be Mothers

I have often heard that we women are so great because we get to create life. But it is more than that. God created a magnificent plan for us to come down to earth and continue our education here, to receive bodies, and continue to progress so we could someday become like him. But an essential part of this plan was that we would forget everything from our old life, everything of who we were and how great we were. We would come to a world where we would no longer be in the presence of our dear Father, and we would have temptations on all sides to try to keep us from getting back to our Father. And we wouldn't even remember anything!!

BUT God didn't send us down to earth with nothing. He gave us a very special gift to help us get through this life. He gave us mothers.

Mothers are God's secret weapons. Mothers are our greatest protection and fortification. Mothers not only bring us into the world, but they teach us how to live in this world. They remind us of who we used to be, of our potential, and who we still are. They teach us how to correctly use these bodies which are so important and essential in the plan of Salvation. So mothers not only are partners with God in the creation of our bodies, but they teach us how to correctly use them and live in this world where we can't remember anything of our past life. What a grand and important role mothers have in the great Plan of Salvation. I am not a mother, but I love the fact that someday I know I will be. Whether in this life or the next, I will be a mother.

6. Strength

It is interesting that while men are stronger than women physically in many aspects, studies show that women actually tend to be healthier than men, are less likely to have cancer than men, live longer than men, and as infants, girls are generally healthier than boys and are born with less physical problems. We don't know why. But I have a few guesses. One guess is that maybe God just really likes his daughters. Another is that perhaps because our bodies need to be stronger in order to carry life. Those are just my guesses, but whatever the reason, women are strong, and not just physically either. We have to be strong to live in this world. To raise families, to face adversity, to counter the lies of the adversary, to keep your head lifted when all around you is telling you to put it down. It is a hard world to live in. It is a difficult one. Sometimes we feel so weak. But look back on what you have done. You have made it this far. Now keep going. You have passed through many tests and heartbreaks and you could have given up, but you didn't. Here you stand. You are strong. I just made it through 18 months of what can be rightly described of as the refiner's fire. I must be strong to have served a mission. And I love that about myself.

7. Creative

I love that I am creative.

"You might say, 'I'm not the creative type. When I sing, I'm always half a tone above or below the note. I cannot draw a line without a ruler. And the only practical use for my homemade bread is as a paperweight or as a doorstop.'

If that is how you feel, think again, and remember that you are spirit daughters of the most creative Being in the universe. Isn't it remarkable to think that your very spirits are fashioned by an endlessly creative Being in the universe. Isn't it remarkable to think that your very spirits are fashioned by an endlessly creative and eternally compassionate God? Think about it-your spirit body is a masterpiece, created with a beauty, function, and capacity beyond imagination."

-President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

No one an say it better than him.

8. Brave

President George Q. Cannon said that "We stood loyally by God and by Jesus, and...did not flinch." Can you picture that? Standing on the battlefield in the war in heaven, with Satan and his devils shouting at us, and you did not flinch! We were some of the bravest of all of God's children. When we were tested, we proved ourselves time and again to be obedient and courageous. We defended the Plan of Salvation and were not ashamed. We faced the prospect of our earth life without fear. We trusted so fully in God, and he trusts in us. "Can you imagine that God, who knew us perfectly, reserved us to come now, when the stakes would be higher and the opposition more intense than ever? When He would need women who would help raise and lead a chosen generation in the most lethal spiritual environment! Can you imagine that He chose us because He knew we would be fearless in building Zion?" -Sherri Dew
I am afraid of many things. I am terrified of spiders. I am terrified of talking to people on the street. I HATE scary movies.
But I know now that I may be afraid, but I am brave, too. I was brave when I left home to go to college at 18. I was brave to serve a mission. I was brave to call people to repentance. I was brave to return home. I am brave. And I love that I am brave.

9. Obedient

Elder Neil A. Maxwell said, “The youth of this generation have a greater capacity for obedience than any previous generation.” President George Q. Cannon also said, “God has reserved spirits for this dispensation who have the courage and determination to face the world, and all the powers of the evil one, visible and invisible, to proclaim the gospel and maintain the truth and establish and build up the Zion of our God fearless of all consequences. He has sent these spirits in this generation to lay the foundation of Zion never more to be overthrown, and to raise up a seed that will be righteous, and that will honor God, and honor Him supremely, and be obedient to Him under all circumstances.”

I am obedient. I try to be as obedient as I can be. I make mistakes. But I have a great desire to be obedient. And I love that about myself.

10. Daughter of God

We are His daughters. We are like him. We each are given special gifts from him. We have the companionship of a member of the Godhead with us. We are part of his great plan. Within each of us is a great nobility that we all need to recognize. We are all royalty. Someday we will return to live with our Father in Heaven. He loves us. So we should love us too. I love that I am a daughter of God.

 

That is my list. Now here is my challenge: make your own list. What are ten things you like about yourself? You women ARE amazing. Never forget that!