Everything's over

My compassionate leave is coming to an end and I guess to some extent, I did enjoy the freedom of being away from Tekong whilst the rest of my mates suffered under the tortorous heat and the scorching sun, which incidentally, has started many a bush fires and the air at the moment is just clogged with suspended particles, somewhat similar to our hazy days not too long ago.

Well, Pearlyn jie came to church today together with Shanon and Conrad (my oh-so-cute and beloved nephew) and I sensed that something was going to happen when I stepped into the church - I guess I had the feeling that she was going to accept Christ. The sermon was very applicable to what she was experiencing and I guess it touched her heart to some extent, though it wasn't really enough to convince her and distinguish Christianity among all the other religions. I suppose God in a way was telling me to wait and pray so I guess I'll just have to do so.

On to yesterday, where I went to the columbarium to collect grandma's ashes. All that was left behind from the events the day before was a few chunks of bones and dust, though I did finally get to see the fibres in the bones and all that crap about the Haversian Canal and stuff. It brought a closure to the entire episode so I'm happy that grandma is finally laid to rest - even her marble plaque had a nice verse, Psalms 23:6 assuring us that she has entered her resting place, a place in heaven. Smile.

I crashed Amy's CG yesterday and kind of turned it upside down. It was an exteremely amusing session - we were cracking lame jokes, even slightly insensitives ones, eating gummy babies and jelly like snakes, which were called bols. Amy burst into laughter and giggled for a full 10 minutes and I instantly knew what she was thinking. Tsk Tsk... It was fun though and I think I should crash more often...haha.

16 more days to POP. I am almost out of BMT teeheehee. Oh, not forget the sense of impending doom as our A-levels results are going to be released soon...argh.

Po po's funeral...

I never did think very much of the stupid game which goes, "Grandma died last night, did she die?" Until, the answer was an affirmitive on the morning of Valentine's day, 14 February. I received the news only at night and it hit me with a force equivalent to that of the impact of slamming into the 1.8m SOC wall running at full speed. I never did expect it; I never did get to say my final goodbyes and I never did hear her voice and her final wishes; I was running on the bloody track on Tekong, half-naked and panting like a dog though.

It was a tough decision to make yesterday when PC informed me of the consequences of missing my SIT test. He said it with a very serious, cold tone, presenting me with two options which obviously put me in a very difficult spot. It was a choice between failing my SIT test and missing out on the opportunity to go to command school and taking the day off and sending po po off on her final journey; it eventually boiled down to which was more important so here I am, doing a reflection of what has happened over the past 2 days.

I managed to get compasionate (as my PC spelt it) leave until Friday evening and booked out last night. I didn't know what to feel as I sat in a taxi heading at full speed towards Joo Chiat Road. As I apporached the funeral, I was taken aback by the fact that it was a Christian funeral, having wondered why there was a service going on when I called mom to notify her that I'd be back at night. I can only describe the future as an eclectic mix of cultures with a Christian setting that characterised the main hall and chinese banners that littered the sides. How that came about is a long story - all I know is that it was my grandmother's final wishes to have a Christian funeral and it's amazing that someone, whom I once thought would never receive Christ, had actually chose to go on her final journey in a manner that we Christians subscribe to. Amazing.

I looked into the coffin with a heavy heart, finally recognising a face which ironically, I couldn't exactly recognise (I know I'm not making sense here). I knew who it was lying in the wooden box, beneath the glass frame but grandma looked so different; was it the make-up which grandma never wore her who life, or maybe the fact that it lacked the breath of life? All I know is that it was hard to accept the fact that she's moved on and I felt my eyes getting wet as I later passed by the small room that she used to spend the remaining days of her life in, complete with its metal walker and stick that served its mistress dutifully when she no longer could stand on her own.

Dave plus other CG members were there and I spent the night talking to them. I didn't really want to talk about army life, something which I so wish to shun away from, but as usual, most of the questions directed at me were of that nature, lingering on the note of how fortunate I was to be in a company with a knight on a white horse in shining armour. Perhaps things turned for the better after they left, when I finally was able to talk to Dave about how I felt and the things that I regretted not doing. It was indeed emotional support.

The last thing I wanted to hear though was about the commotion that had been going on, about disagreements about the funeral. The poor lady is dead - her only wish was for her family to be together, to be united, the desire which formed the foundation of the will that allowed her to endure the hardships that she faced in her quest to put food on the table and to ensure that her family members were cared for. People just don't get it...

Anyway, I'm glad that the church is really supporting my family through this period of time; Gloria's CG members, my family's CG members, Bartley members, Riverlife members, the church staff, my TF - Isabelle, BenHo, Kenneth, church friends (both far and wide) Michelle and Keith who called from Australia just to check if I was okay (Thanks a lot man, I lub you soo murch...sorry bout your hp bill though and for cutting you off...service was going on that point)

Thanks so much...

CNY Day 2

The day's about to come to a close and everyone, except a few individuals like me, are all geared up and prepared for another day of work or school. Ah, what a fine opportunity to wake up late. But no I shan't, reason being that I've downed countless cups of soft drinks laden with tons of artificial flavouring and juices and stuffed myself with so much goodies that I think will throw away everything that I've worked for down the drain ie my muscles and fitness. Field camp has not been beneficial physically and CNY is definitely not aiding in my quest to attain a silver for my IPPT, which I am still struggling to obtain a pass for. Darn those pull ups. I think my target of 8 still has a long way to go. Urgh.

Another day has gone by and surprisingly, I didn't face the barage of questions from kaypoh relatives who are qualified enough to work for the new paper, though, I can assure you, the buzz never ceases even until I leave the bloody place. I AM aware of the after comments but I'm happy with the additional income that's coming my way (the sum stands at $, haha, I shan't disclose it). Today's takings were meagre as compared with yesterday's but I did recoup some of my losses from previous blackjack sessions so it's a happy day for me :).

Oh, before I forget, I decided to make my msn nickname a little more interesting and I think many of my readers are interested to find out who that person is. Haha. So here goes.

A short description:

She's travelled the globe for 6 years, lived in the States, covered almost half of Indonesia and has traversed the whole of China, which is a freakin' big country. She's liberal, open and direct and she cracks me up like no one ever does. By the way, she has a crush on dentists and she desires a dentist from Taiwan or Korea. Haha.

She's a cousin of mine, whom I've never known existed for my entire life. Perhaps we'd met when we were still going goo goo and gaga or at a age where the adults push us together and tell us to do stupid things like "call jie jie"; so I have no recollection whatsoever of meeting this unique individual. Anyway, she's very interesting and chatty and having spent a large part of recent life in the States, her thoughts are very liberal and she's very open about sharing her experiences. So there you have it, Veronica, my cousin, my grandmother's sister's daughter's daughter, which makes us direct cousins. Did I forget to mention, she's a fashion designer who hails from a family which owns a bungalow with a gigantic swimming pool and an underground room with a home entertainment system and a poolside dining area - a house which is an object of desire for many Singaporeans? The catch is, it's only ONE of the FEW houses they have. Few? MOST Singaporeans only have one. What am I talking about...

To end off, I would like to apologise to those who have been offended by my previous entry; I admit I was a little bit harsh to the opposite gender and perhaps have a rather tainted view of relationships for people at my age. However, I still stand firm with regards to my stand that people at this age, like me, shouldn't plunge into relationships which i feel won't last. I don't think the girl will be willing to wait like 6-9 years for you; the chances of her stumbling on a better catch during such a long period of time is equal to that of you not going to the toilet for the next decade.

Food for thought.

Happy Lunar New Year

It's the lunar new year again and we have just ushered in the year of the cock, I mean rooster. Just booked out from the army yesterday and here we are now, ready to leave for visitation soon. Some things haven't changed; as usual, Gloria is in a dilemma over what to wear, her own fault since she hardly ever shops and based on my mother's fashion style, you can't expect her to look like a girl with the age of 16.



Anyway, I haven't had time to shop for any clothes so I'm decked in a rather perculiar mix of a long sleeve shirt from G2000 plus a pair of old jeans, which still look rather new. Fortunately, no one in my extended famiyl have seen me wear it - who cares anyway, unless they're fussy enough to scrutinise my underwear, which btw, isn't new either.



So yes, I shall brace myself for the barage of comments and questions that i will face from old faces hidden under a thick layer of white powder, followed by a few pinches on the cheeks and the oh-so-famous exclamations, "You're in the army already ah?! So Big already! Time flies!" which is the cue for the following question, "Got girlfriend or not?!" *Rolls eyes. My dear relatives, take a good look at this bloke standing in front of you; does he look dashing? does he look cool? Is there the slightest possibility that anyone from the opposite gender would take a second look at him? I shall leave you to answer that. On the brighter side, it's a small price to pay for that little notes you get in those nice little things known as red packets, which will, make me a tad bit richer over the weekend.



Since I'm on the topic of girlfriends, perhaps I shall add in a little of my perspective.



What are girlfriends for?



That's a rather hard question, considering the only things they do are request politely ie demand that you give them bouquets of flowers, shower them with love, bring them out for exclusive lunches and dinners and pay for every damn consumer good they lay their eyes on. Talk about a hole in your pocket.



In the context of army life, they say a gf is a good bitching partner. Right. When they are busy working, you slog your guts out doing PT only to hear them sob the moment they pick up your call. Every gf deserves a star award for that. Hey, what are bunk mates for and your ex-classmates? We're not living in the 19th century when the idea of a hp was still floating in mid-air...



So, besides wasting your money, are there other things you can do with a gf besides screwing her? Hmmm... I wonder... So until she says, "I do." you can forget about those lovey dovey moments which flash past and disappear into thin air like a nice giant bubble. They are just experiences which you can forget.



People, you might be wondering why I'm throwing at readers this attitude. I just found out that my cousin, who has been denying he has a gf, uses his dad's office phone to make long-distances calls to his gf who has flown to Melbourne to study. WILL IT LAST? WILL THEIR RELATIONSHIP SURVIVE? WILL SHE RUN OFF WITH A BETTER LOOKING CAUCASIAN AUSTRALIAN? WILL THEIR RELATIONSHIP END?



I've prepared my popcorn and coke at the side. Reality TV in the making. Now watch out for the new season of the break up.



:)

Field Camp and the Army

Another week of intellectually unstimulating has passed but this time, it was spent out in the wilderness of Tekong where wild boars, mosquitoes, red ants and whatever creepy crawlies roam the dense undergrowth which spreads far and wide to the ends of the tiny piece of land, a territory enlarged by massive reclamation with soil stolen from Indonesia. Oh well, it takes a mountain to fill the sea (well at least partly).



7 days out in the field with none the opporunity of bathing and brushing your teeth leaves undesirable effects and was a whole new experience; yes, there was discomfort but it was rewarded with breathtaking views of the heavenly bodies and a dazzling night sky illuminated with a moon so bright. Not forgetting the brief encounter with a wild boar while feasting on melted chocolate and sprite on the last night of camp and the sight and sound of flies swarming what you leave behind in a self-dug pit. Big, green ones for that matter and the sound that is generated is equivalent to that of a swarm of bees. Gross.



But readers, don't get me wrong for Tekong is not just forest alone; our campsites were located in a rubber plantation and an oil plantation respectively, and our "final" resting place, on reclaimed land. It's quite interesting to see a tree which is rather similar to us in the sense that it "bleeds" when it's exterior layer similar to our skin (epithelium) is broken and white creamy stuff (please don't think about other things) oozing out, which is sticky. I'm referring to latex. Hello?! rubber plantation, latex - see the link?



Looking back, the 7 days did reveal certain things about me; my selfishness, my pride, my frustration - these surfaced as I crumbled under the burden of fatigue and the stupid rifle and SBO which kept getting into my way. My buddy unfortunately bore the brunt of it all but was patient enough to tolerate my insolence, my childishness and spoilt brat behaviour. I admit - I'm selfish and spoilt. So what, everyone in that bloody place has an agenda; some couldn't be bothered to keep in step during the route march, some slacked like no tomorrow and some (even those of higher authority) displayed attitudes that were just awfully disgusting. You can just see it in the eyes of those eyeing OCS, who aim for prestige and as they term it in the army, one chocolate bar.

On the flip side, it did unearth true friends and those who are willing to sacrifice when you're just completely down and out and sgts who care for their men. I'm not talking about outward displays of welfarism ie giving us a sprite/coke parade or chocolates, but you just know there's a heart in that individual who believes that if their men is suffering, everyone goes through it together. They let this attitude show through the tiny actions that we often just glaze across.

Anyway, the other part of my family was happily enjoying their reunion dinner while I was fumbling my way in the dark in a wretched shell scrape, a self dug grave which acts as a cover against enemy fire. I postulate though that it'll be your "final" resting place should you be so unlucky to get a bullet through your heart, head or any vital part of your body or get hit by shrapnel or ball bearings from grenades thrown at you in a real battlefield. It'll be easier on your parents; at the very least, they can include the words "your son has been properly buried" in their letter of condolence, signed by the officer sitting in some secret place, giving out orders to those who are headed for the grave. So back to the previous thought. I felt left out for no one bothered to leave me a nice voice msg about how things were going. I don't know what happened but well, a reunion without a member of the family just sucks. So, to hell with that extended family of mine - it's just my position over there. I bet, when the one who carries THEIR family surname enlists, they'll reschedule everything to fit his. We'll see about his attendance at next year's reunion dinner. Fish.

A few issues came up during the camp, one arising from a conversation with Junming about the concept of army. I quote, "the whole concept of the army is hard to grasp. It's very abstract". How true. There we were, sitting under the shade of the tree, tired out from the digging of the trench, cut from the rest of the world. Why are we supposed to undergo this? In the war, I suppose it's true that you'll be completely ignorant of what's going on in this planet of ours. Why do we even have to fight? How does the concept of sovereignty arise? Why the innate desire to claim a specific territory? Why? Why? Why? I suppose it's just something that we humans came up with and a powerful weapon to psycho people into doing things that are against their very own nature - just like what Hitler did or the ourage of Kamakazi soldiers so willing to die for their emperor. WAR. Perhaps we should look at WAR as Without A Reaction - seek to resolve matters without over reacting I suppose...

Genesis 3:17 "... Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, an you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food..." This verse (I couldn't remember the whole thing, just the outline of it) rang in my head as i was trying to knock my tent pins into the ground and dig by shell scrape. The ground was so hard, it was solid and boy did it take all my strength to help some of my mates, and myself for that matter, break ground and losen nature's tight grip on the soil. Though we weren't doing any planting, the sheer rigidity of the ground and the bloody mimosa scattered everywhere reminded me of man's curse, a result of sin. Not much to say about it, but just a thought.

To end off, here's what happened today. I booked out. Took the ferry to the terminal. Took a bus to the interchange. Took Dad's car home. Came home. Dumped all my clothes to my maid for washing. Ate 4 out of 6 pieces of a whole loaf of bread. Went for reunion dinner (dad's side). Went to another dinner (with grandma alone, mom's side). Played bj (BLACKJACK) and lost $6. Wow. So exciting, it will last for fifty years. eh no. This freedom is temporary, it lasts just five days.

Darn. And I've gotten my allowance, so I'm richer. Plus angbaos, I'll be even richer. And I'll go shopping. Chow.