4 Wing Airbase
I remember that day. The day when all my troubles changed. It was a sunny Saturday on the 17th of May. I rose at 8.30am and the sky was so beautiful, i forgot all abouyt my char kway teow troubles. The fact that we had breakfast later on at the All-Rank's Mess contributed much to my amnesia. It was a $7 Cad breakfast buffet and which was served by cute Canadian army girls. How lovely indeed. Told ya that day was good. The menu consisted of eggs (Canadian eggs btw which were much bigger; done in any style you wish), fried sausages, crisp bacon, slabs of french toast with maple syrup, bread rolls and creamy butter, many cereal, musli and wheat choices, muffins, juices, cold milk, hot chocolate, cold cut ham, salami, fruits and fried hashbrowns. Simply exquisite. Sitting there ogling the babes frying eggs while wolfing down truckloads of bacon and potatoes was the best experience yet. So this is what Canada is really like. Nice. I Like. After breakfast where we stuffed ourselves to the point of almost bursting, we went for the orientation of 4 Wing Airbase before heading over to Canex, the airbase supermarket. We retired back to our beds to begin our long fight with jet lag and we woke up for a surprise dinner. At Golden Lake Restaurant. By now, the infamous Char Kway Teow place was the last place we wanted to go for dinner but some big shot sort of missed home cooking so with grumbling hearts, we drove to the restaurant. Again, $10 CAD for a buffet dinner that positively sucks mould. I have to say, they serve really refreshing iced water. That was it. The rest is not worth mentioning at all. One of the worse Chinese buffets I have ever had ( I have a decent amount in case you all were wondering. Despite my Peranakan heritage, i still have plenty of Ching relatives who always celebrate their happy occassions at fancy smancy cheenaget restaurants). We all proceeded to Wal-Mart after that to stock up on provisions. Suddenly, everyone ran wild. Seeing the rows of potato chips, sweets and fridges stocked with frozen pizzas, burritos and quesadillas, we all went on a mad rampage, throwing almost everything into our overloaded shopping carts from bucket loads of green tea to slabs of frozen pizza. I will come to rue the deceptively good looking pack of frozen lasagne in time. After we stocked piled enough food to feed our entire detachment, we went back to base and slept the night away.
Into Edmunton
We arrived at Edmunton Airport where we boarded the bus bound for Cold Lake Airbase. The journey took 3 and a half hours which was rather too long for my liking; being jet-lag and all. Still, it gave me a chance to actually see cows. Live ones. Big ones. Not the ones you see on tv or in piles at the butcher shop. Real cows grazing. And there must be thousands of them. Don't ask me why. I just have a fascination for cows. Anyway, I forgot to mention that i saw her. At Edmunton Airport. Outside the Airport. She was in a pink short sleeve blouse and she was running. Towards her mother or friend. I couldn't tell. What struck me the most was the enormity of the jugs she was carrying. She seemed too engrossed with meeting her friend/mom that she was actually stumbling forward due to weight of the jugs. Unbelievable. Her bra-size must be triple F. Major melons man that girl. As she joggled forward, her boobs seem to be leading the way with the rest of her scrawny body struggling to follow behind. Goodness me. I can't imagine when she reaches granny age. I bet she can sweep the floor with those. Parmenio suddenly turned to me and exclaimed. ' Wah! The Boobs Damn Big Lar'! Classic Singaporean. Stop, stare, perhaps gestulate and point excitedly while exclaiming damn loudly with all sorts of Singlish. Now i know why foreigners (especially aussies) detest us so much. I mean if i were to say that, I would detest myself too but thats and entirely different matter all together.
Ok, back to the cows. I actually watched them all the way..Heck, i even snapped a video of them titled 'Cows Grazing'! How original is that! Anyway, we stopped by halfway at a petrol kiosk for a much needed toilet break. Plus, it gave us a chance to pump up our sugar levels. I was in two minds here. To save money or to splurge. The rows and rows of creamy candy didn't help either. I swear, even the big bag of Ruffles was looking at me so piteously that i was really tempted to buy it. Buy me buy me. Still, i resisted all its devious charms and sauntered over to the fridge to get a gatorade. Ahhh..nothing like an ice-cold gatorade in the middle of Canada where all i can see is the long highway and the pretty cows. Life doesn't get better than this!
Apparently it doesn't cos when we finally reached 4 WING AIRBASE in Cold Lake, it was freezing. Lacy was so excited he was telling everyone who bothered to listen that he was smoking. Imagine that! I however gave him a reality check as we lugged our oversized suitcases and luggage bags up the flight of stairs to our wonderful dorms. And there, sat in neat piles were our dinner of spicy CHAR KWAY TEOW. I heard the rumours but i didn't actually believe it cos we flew so many thousand miles, across the Atlantic and into Canada, the land where they think rice and noodles are a luxury. I was expecting beef steaks by the kilo, loaded baked butters with all sorts of delicious pastries and ice cream by the gallon. I certainly didn't expect fried noodles that seem to be smuggled aboard Northwest Airlines courtesy of a hawker from Changi Village. The comforting thing was that it wasn't from Changi Village. THANK GOD. It was from a restaurant called Golden Lake. That name would be the highlight of the entire exercise. Trust me. Read on and you'll see. Oh, i forgot to mention. The damn kway teow actually cost $10 CAD. Almost fainted. And it wasn't even that nice although i tried my best to shove some down. In the end, I was getting rather angsty and it was getting late so i decided to save my complaining for the next day and fall asleep instead.
A Big Step Into Overseas
*Continuation*
As I so blatantly stated: I was half-dead. Due to lack of sleep. The insanely good comedies that I spent my entire flight watching didn't help either. We entered the immigration counters at Sea-Tac and they are as strict as ever. No monkey business. Tarewowism is as real a thing as the magnum bullets in their pistols. No one mentions Osama. Ever. Anyway, we saw a very very very cute little baby girl who kept giggling and bubbling to herself while resting on her father's shoulders. I was dumbstruck in awe at once. She is really the cutest thing I have ever seen this side of the world. Definitely beats Butterscotch and Cassie hands down. Sorry dears. (They are my guitars btw). Yet when i saw the parents, my awe turned to shock. The girl looked like an Asian girl and a very cute one at that. The parents were ang-more! Imagine that! Immediately I had nagging doubts on how genuine were the parents! Maybe they were kidnappers! Or perhaps owners of some baby factory somewhere in Tokyo. I had to save her! I was going to! Until I saw the bigass magnum sitting in the holster of a humongous Police Officer. My dreams and visions of heroes of old such as Achilles, Hector and Napoleon faded immediately. I don't want to be a dead hero.
Ok, anyway, after the immigration, we moved on into the security screening section. Now, they have a new rule that states you can't carry liquids or gels more than 100ml and your shoes must be screened separately. But behind me, I had the fortunate experience of standing in line in front of 4 typical American bimbos. They matched encyclopedia descriptions perfectly; big ass, big boobs, and really dumb. I are really sorry for eavesdropping but I couldn't resist. I wanted to see if they were better than Singaporean bimbos and they actually are. They were discussing how to lose your virginity in Vegas! Who the hell loses virginity in Vegas! What about gambling! Or at least doing an a la Ocean's 13! They were also wondering whether this part of the States required and anal probe! Well, I'm sure tewowism has many daft ideas but this has got to be tops! Imagine smuggling an assault rifle up your ass and it accidentally goes off! Coroner's Report: Death due to victim accidentally shooting himself in the ass! How outrageous indeed! Furthermore, I am very very sure the elderly old cheekopek of a Japanese man was eavesdropping as well because he literally walked straight into a garbage bin when it was his turn to be screened! That dirty old man couldn't resist at all! Imagine that! Anal probes must excite him a lot. Once clear, we took their skytrain to spend the 6 hours transit time in Sea-Tac slacking.
Our very first stop was Burger King! The Texas steakhouse sandwich with mouthwatering onions, melted cheddar, crisp juicy lettuce was a delight. And the french fries came in a cool container called a frypod! Apple must be taking over the world after all! Now, I know that locals always make fun or chinese people there in the States. They basically believe we ran away from China and eat noodles and practice kung-fu. Its all true. But i was determined to make a lasting impression on the cashier at the BK counter. Without looking at the lady at all, I said in my most eloquentest and most pronunciatious Engrish: 'Could I have a Texas Steakhouse Sandwich please. As well as a Bacon and Cheese burger. And could you please upgrade it to KING SIZE.' King is $1 more and it is huge. Large is a tad smaller than King at 50cents.Anyway, what she said next literally brought me crash landing down to solid Earth. '
She: 'You want cock!'
Me:*losing all bloody sense of pronunciatious whatsoever. I gave the classic Singaporean reply.'HAR?!?!'
She: You want cork?
Me: *Looking down slightly*, Cork?!
She: Yah Cork!
Me: Ohhh...you mean COKE! Do i want my drink to be coke! Yes i would like that thank you!
She: Thats what i said. Cork!
Some thanks, my first attempting at making a good impression failed miserably. Damn cashier's fault. Then i realised, her name was Yelena and she was Russian. So they employed Russians in BK now ah! That would explain things. Why didn't she ask if i wanted bloody VODKA!
We tore into the good food and then I saw another fantastic thing. A group of people were literally having a picnic in BK! They didn't buy anything at all! They just plonked their asses down on the seats next to us, whipped open their bags and passed out slices of bread, crackers, butter spreads, jam, and bottles of water. How cool is that! Of all the nerve! You can actually do that in the States! After the meal, we walked down to the departure gate and fell asleep on the plush black leather seats. I had a nice mint mocha ice blended from Starbucks and it was nice.
We finally boarded Horizon Air to Edmonton Airport; Alberta Canada where we were served by two old cheerfuly grannies who gave free pretzels. Arriving at Edmonton...*damn* continue another time. Have to go back to camp..cheerios for now!
The Life Of An Air Defender
*Prologue*
Wah the title is acutally just to butters up my ego and i apologize profusely. For a more down to earth journal of my fantastic trip to Maple Land, carry on reading. Note, the names are entirely distorted due to confidential reasons. For an explanation, kindly contact me.
Thursday 15May: With eager anticipation, i fought on despite a warm pillow, heavy eyelids and the gentle breeze of the air-conditioner. I finally succumbed to the Z-monster after relentess torment from my oh-so-cuddley white seal of a softoywith its huge marble eyes. Damn that thing. Anyway, I struggled to close my oversized luggage bag till 11plus pm. I declined to pack my chargers and electronic accessories;what if my MAPLE FLAG PLAYLIST can't be played during the flight due to lack of battery! Oh the Horror! I finally dragged myself out of bed at 1.30am. Finally. Friday the 16 of May. What a beautiful day. Maple Flag awaits. Took a last snapshot of butterscotch and cassie before going to the T1 Changi International Airport. So ASSCITED MAN!
Said GOODBYE to the parents and said HELLO to the Maple Flag detachment. Checked in at North West Airlines 06 at 3am. The PLAN: Changi to Kawaii desu Narita to Seattle Tacoma to Edmonton Airport Canada. PROBLEM! Only biometric passports are allowed when transiting to the States. For the ignorant few, they are the new Singaporean passports that use retina scanners and finger print identifications. They speed up the process of checking in and checking out due to their self-service option. Thank God mine was biometric. Of the party, about half had to stay in Singapore to re-make their passports! And catch the next flight on SUNDAY!The poor buggers had to make their way back to Lavender later in the day to get it sorted out. After further prodding by the Thai fella, they relented to letting those whose passports have not expired from their original 10yr period to proceed. So those poor sods who unfortunately extended their expiry were booted out unceremoniously out of Changi.
After a Burger King breakfast king breakfast, i was all ready to make my way down to Sushi Land. The flight was roughly around 6hrs plus and when we landed, it was Sunny in Narita International Airport. Of my 3DA unit, only Parmenio, Lacy and me survived. Vicki and Jade got left behind. I swear if they see this, they will probably kill me for using such distastrous names hahahah! The transit flight to Narita was Lacy's first time flying. Poor boy. First time he ever bought winter wear and MADE A PASSPORT too! The guy has never stepped into Malaysia before. See how lucky u buggers are! He kept asking questions on why does your ears pop when flying, what are the oxygen masks for, do they serve food, wheres the toilet and how to get rid of the pressure in your ears. I kindly explained everything to the NOOBASS! hahahahahha.
Finally reached Narita and walked around the explore the DFS and kill the 1 hr transit time. First sign of Japanese Cai. They were holding a signboard advertising for some Ang-more. Morever, it seems the business class of passengers have prettier stewardesses. I should fly business class next time! On the whole, Narita is rather nice. Their McDonalds has something called a Mega Burger! 4 bloody patties of grounded beef! I was literally drooling after the horror of a meal on board NW06. I fought of the grasping arms of the Mac Monster and plodded on, determined to explore more untod treasures in Narita. True enough, stacked in piles where rows of japanese sweet treats, pocky blocks, mocchi and rice crackers. Plenty of them. I told myself, i will finally buy some back! When i get home. They were serving freebies of Japanese Plum Wine and Chivas Regal. I told Parmenio, why not just walk around just sampling enough hahaha! Lacy on the other hand was going crazy. The anime freak was so into all the toys and figures that for the first time in my life, i actually saw him give his boyful grin. We decided that enough was enough and it was all i could do to prevent myself from walking over to the pretty Japanese lady and demand a mouthful of her tempting Chivas Regal.
Finally boarded the flight bound for Sea-Tac airport (Seattle-Tacoma). States at last! Bloody flight was 9 hours long. And i was given a seat right in the middle. Sandwiched by 2 humongous ang-mores! One of them was only 23yrs old( i peeked into his passport) and he had TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLE tatoos! Some thanks. Still, we each had a personal screen to movie viewing and i was enchanted by the movies. Due to the time different, it was tough to catch twenty winks so i proceeded to entertain myself with 4 movies haha! Catwoman, the Negotiater, Tarzan and The Bucket List. I must say The Bucket List was the best of all. It was about two old men who were about to die. One was a rich old fart who had everything in life except family while the other was a poor man who only had his family. Together, they compiled a list on how to spend the last few months of their life; by doing things that they wanted to accomplish but never had the finaces or the time to do it. Like skydiving, or climbing snow mountains, or kissing the most beautiful girl in the world(the old fart did it! He kissed his granddaughter. Sweet tarts sia!)
I must commend Northwest on one thing (little did i know i would change my opinion in the future), the food was decent. But they actually served WHOLE cans of pepsi when asked! This allowed the cherubic old ang-more ladies to gain some brownie points in my book.
When we reached Sea-Tac, i was half dead..*to be continued*
MF 41!
my bags are packed. Check in Northwest Airlines at 3am! Maple Flag beckons!
Lets hope this flight has no terrorists. It will be damn ironic getting shot down by the very air defense battalion that represent in Canada.
Cheers fellow people! Lets see if i can update from Canada!
The CHAMPS! Yet Again!
Man Utd are the CHAMPS of the English Premier League again! Woooo! Congratulations to fergiegiggsnanironaldorooneyferdinandvidicsilvestrevandersaro'sheahargreavesandersonscholescarrickparksahatevezkusczhakpiquebrownneville and a host of other players related to Man Utd!
The Terrors of Outfield
Terror No.1: What ranks as top on most NSF's lists on going outfield. The deadly mosquitos. They are devastating buggers, silent assassins that swoop in on you unexpected and really make your life a living hell. Plus overtime, they have developed an immunity against most insellect repellents so no matter how many mosquito coils you light; the place looks like an incense temple than a campsite, they still strike. And with deadly precision. And when you're lying there, cold, alone and defenceless. And in the middle of the night. The deadly whine of their wings has sent many an NSF screaming away and bitching loudly about how girls are so lucky and how poor guys have to endure such tortures. They also seem to think that donating blood to NKF would be more fruitful. I don't disagree.
Terror No. 2: Nature itself. Mother nature can be a real pain. Be it blistering hot sun. Or pouring rain. It just results in getting dirty. And sick. Period. Not to mention that mud (not the kind that you gladly splatter over your faces ladies) is perhaps the most demoralising thing ever. Nothing beats seeing all your equipment and uniform covered in brown gunk. Not to mention your face too. And they aren't exactly good for your skin.
Terror No.3: Wild Boar. Ask any army MAN around. Clerks that push pencils or act as POSTMANS don't count. They will gladly relate to you countless stories of close encounters with the walking bah kwa. Their magnificent tusks seem to strike fear in even the most stoic of hearts. Their incredulous sizes seem greatly exaggerated when we describe. Yet, these are true. The smaller versions of these bahkwa can be found near Perion in Victoria Island. These monsters in Singapore are huge. And deadly. Deadly bah kwa.
Terror No.4: The tekan. Means getting whacked. Pumped. Getting dirty. It means pain and suffering at the hands of your merciless commanders. Thank God i don't have to go through the shit again.
Terror No.5: This is a new one. I just had a close encounter. The monkey. Gosh. Mischief. Purely mischievious. That deceitful lil' booger stole our food. And came back for more! Bloody rat. This is as bad as the bah kwa. At least the bah kwa is dumb. But this monster is smart. Too smart for its good. DON'T FEED THE MONKEYS!
MF 41!
Maple Flag 41! 4 days. And COUNTING DOWN!!
Its gonna be a bloody long flight, with transits to Narita and Seattle. Man...
Still, the allowance came in. *kaching ching*
I suddenly saw so many numbers.
MF 41!
Maple Flag 41! 4 days. And COUNTING DOWN!!
Its gonna be a bloody long flight, with transits to Narita and Seattle. Man...
Still, the allowance came in. *kaching ching*
I suddenly saw so many numbers.
On a much happier Note..
Maple Flag is coming soon. 2 weeks more before i finally take a break, enjoy a nice long overseas holiday.I've got one serious problem. I have yet to compile a music playlist that will sustain me for the long almost 24hr flight to Maple Land. So far, my laziness has resulted in this.
1. Beautiful Soul - Jesse Mccarthy
2. Fly - Hilary Duff
3. ACJC Mass Dance 2004 - ACJC
4. Hey There Delilah - Plain White Tees
5. You're Beautiful - James Blunt
6. Over You - Daughtry
7. Superman - Five For Fighting
8. Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day
9. Little Superhero Girl - Corrinne May
10. Yellow - Coldplay
11. Jesus Take The Wheel - Carrie Underwood
12. Tattoo - Jordin Sparks
13. Sober - Kelly Clarkson
14. I'm Sorry - Craig David
15. Home - Daughtry
16. Everywhere - Michelle Branch
17. The Getaway - Hilary Duff
18. Wherever You Go - The Calling
19. Closer - Travis
20. How Six Songs Collide - Norwegian Recycling
21. Can't Help Falling In Love - A Teens
22. White Houses - Vannessa Carlton
23. Bubbly - Colbie Caillat
24. Good Day - Click Five
25. Runaway - Electrico
26. Other Side Of The World - KT Tunstall
27. Fly Away - Corrinne May
28. Breathe - Faith Hill
29. Angel In Disguise - Corrinne May
30. Time To Say Goodbye - Sarah Brightman
31. Smooth - Carlos Santana
32. Here Without You (Acoustic) - Three Doors Down
33. Something About You - Five For Fighting
34. Game Of Love - Carlos Santana & Michelle Branch
35. Take It Off - Ronin
36. Sunday Morning - Maroon 5
37. On The Wings Of Love - Clay Aiken
38. Penny and Me - Hanson
39. Life Goes On - LeAnn Rhimes
40. Truly Madly Deeply - Savage Garden
41. Its My Life - Bon Jovi
42. Six Billion People - Paul Gilbery
43. A Thousand Miles - Vanessa Carlton
44. Accidentally In Love - Counting Crows
45. Maria - 200lb Soundtrack
46. Superman - Lazlo Bane
47. A Moment Like This - Kelly Clarkson
48. Wheel Of The World - Carrie Underwood
49. Live For Love United - Love United
50. True - Ryan Cabrera
51. Have You Ever - S Club
52. Never Had A Dream Come Through - S Club
53. Nothing At All - Ronan Keating
54. All I Want For Christmas Is You - Mariah Carey
55. Where Is The Love? - Black Eyed Peas
56. I Dream - Taufik Batisah
57. I Wanna Grow Old With You - Adam Sandler
58. I Don't Want To Miss A Thing - Aero Smith
59. Collide - Dishwalla
60. Are You Gonna Be My Girl - Jet
61. Always With Me, Always With You - Joe Satriani
62. You And I Both - Jason Mraz
63. Come Clean - Hilary Duff
64. Ultimate - Lindsey Lohan
65. Kiss Kiss - Holly Valance
66. You Make Me Feel Like A Star - The Beu Sisters
67. All Kinds Of TIme - Fountains of Wayne
68. Collide - Howey Day
69. Big Girls Don't Cry - Fergie
70. Girlfriend - Avril Lavinge
71. Summer Sunshine - The Corrs
72. Soundscape - BOA
Ok, i'll stop here. Ok, i cheated. While typing this, i was adding to my playlist hahaha. Any suggestions?? To bolster this fledgling playlist?
People.
I hate people who couldn't care less about others, who prefer to use them as stepping stones to reach their own selfish gains. Enuff said.
Camping sucks.
Camping sucks. Period. No need for further elaboration. Its like when u think of camping, you think of how screwed-up it is. Sorry, it all seems like an irraitonal bunch of clutter. Well, thats because it is.
Paradise
Paradise City Church is coming to New Creation this sunday. Up la. Who wants to tag along!
