30 Seconds to Mars

the music video to kings and queens by 30 seconds to mars reminds me of a few movies.

mainly "warriors". but also a little bit of "the lost boys" and "fight club".

but even listening to it without watching the video, im reminded of east coast park at night. for various reasons. and maybe a little bit about the days when I used to skate around pasir ris following zenn, sean, dharvin in their escapades.
those moments so late dark.. were damn well magical.. no regret for no time was wasted.
even if i never had the guts back then to excel like they did. at least I was there. and that was enough for me. being alive at night, in that moment, witnessing what I did. ive had a good life, la. glad for all thats happened to me so far.

-
itsa good week for me, sports wise I suppose. the singapore slingers won and are at the top of the table (miraculously). spurs won the FA cup match against watford. nadal won the semifinal match again federer. things could be worse.. also west ham are on top of the championship and are looking pretty strong to weather the rest of the season. things have definitely been worse..

-

sorted my gym membership out which means I need to go way more often now to justify this expenditure.
i suppose I should also stop being late for lectures considering how much tuition fees im paying. sigh. it'll all pay off in the end. its fine. as long as I lead a happy life.

4 more months till Im home in Singapore. 7 more weeks of uni, 8 more weeks till easter break, and 4 more months and I wont be a 2nd year anymore. godwilling. pass all my papers. but yeaa, how quick time flies.

and also, shan has become an australian PR. strange how quickly these things happen. its 2012. damn this speed. gotta put some brakes to this life, and reign in it all in before it gets out of hand.



 

all of this is tearing us apart

I wrote this is November 2011. Didnt get a chance to finish it or publish it in time. but my feelings have since changed, and less I publish it soon, itll forever be forgotten. so why not immortalise cette state of mind while I can?


----


listening to yeasayer and the naked and famous.

i shouldnt be too nostalgic about australia. its not my home. not today.

2am. meant to have submitted an article 2 hours ago. not too late. no, never. get on it.

--
some dreams involve travelling, seeing the world,
love, lust, hands around a girl,
or a boy, on your back, laughing, screaming, his two feet dangling over your shoulders
im just imagining all the memories I might be making for him, and how someday in the future
he will find sounds, syllables to articulate an experience which pre-dates this capacity for speech
and his accent
his accent might be foreign, to my ears, and the nation where said memories might have taken place.

--

as our plans turn into compromise
the promises all turn to lies
the spite builds up and cant get through
passive me, aggressive you

---

some dreams are tangible, 2-dimensional, objectifiable
graspingly simple, outcomes, end-products,
like titles, awards,

...
there will come a time in the not too distant future
I shall finally be working, and earning.
but im still so obsessed with certain ideas.
like holidays with friends. and working overseas with friends. or writing stories. and filming projects. and living together, reading, discussing movies, art, having a drink at clark quay, at city hall, attending book launches, and academic talks, taking drives to the beach to the airport, to watch the ships harbour, the planes land, the lights turn on in a city that probably doesnt sleep, but stays awake all night in bed, anxiously, bursting to start the next day, to not get left behind.

6 hours

till my essay is due.

---

the walls have ears.
thankfully no tongue.

--

memories, unlike food, provides you no fuel, "burning fat prolongs existence till the next round is served".
for once consumed, left empty, the soul you intended to feed rages, acid reflex, hungers and starves for this
faint distant more-distantly unattainable nostalgia.

I have no photographs, but I have music on replay,
drowning out the echoes of my howling heart,
distracting.

me.
from my essay.

..
even whilst adrift the same shores, i longed for you.

crazy tragic magic

I am..
Back in London. So many things to do. I know I better get down to work asap.



but maan, videos like this. just makes me wanna be unemployed and happy.

but i know i want money. so i need a job. and i need to pass my exams to graduate.
i used to be ambitious i think. because i had something to prove. but now ive found a certain content in my heart, my ambitions have changed.

can i maintain my drive towards being amazing? I must try. mustnt lose momentum.

but so
content.
in my heart. content in my heart. another day apart,
till these contents spill out, what start?
i cant remember. but if youre talking about love then I guess..
it was december.