Its been smooth sailing people.
but im not a sailor so I'll use another metaphor that hits closer to home.
Ive been kayaking with the current.
And Ive had nothing to complain about.
Of course in October when I went to Gold Coast for my sisters graduation it was utter relief. One of the best holidays of my life. The weather, Yuvadev, shopping, helping around the house, the bbq, surfers paradise, visiting griffiths and Bond. And not having a phone or any internet. I was free.
The next milestone I passed was my ORD. And of course the things that happened in that period.
Clearing out of camp.
Dharvin's House Party.
Piercing my eyebrow.
Changing my name officially.
And at the same time meeting my old friends. And writing. I grew to look forward to the Open Mic Sessions held every alternate friday at the Writers Centre. Same time, I didnt stop running.
Standard Charted was terribly slow for my own standards, and I know I could have cut that time by an hour. But I didnt care. I was happy. I was content and in love. Not with anyone. But with life.
December was the time of the Pathlight camp, and I swear I learnt so much from those two weeks. And I really do miss it. So much. The kids were incredible. To say the least.
There was kayaking. The courses and of course the leisurely paddles around pasir ris and sembawang.
And more parties. Vanessa's christmas party. My BBQ at edgewater. Kiran's farewell. Cousins gatherings at Jalan Kayu and Ang Mo Kio. And nights at O Bar with the guys.
I had no excuse to feel bored. ever. It was day after day of activity, exciting and interesting.
I never let myself rot.
I met friends from Temasek, St Pats. I went rock climbing, I cycled to Marina barrage.
I went jamming at Brandon's house, I played pool.
I watched great movies, Avatar, Sherlock Holmes, 3 Idiots.
I kept taking photographs. kept reading. I skated again for the first time in maybe 2 or 3 years?
While I admit I had my shortcomings. I never found a proper job. But I did apply to be a Pace Setter in the Brisbane Half Marathon and I got it. I also volunteered to adjudicate at TJ's U16 debate invitationals.
Its not like Ive totally neglected my self development. I suppose Ive been doing it in other artistic forms. Neil Gaiman, Lyrics from Lockdown, Can Change, Pink Kisses, Mango Dollies. And Ive also been going places Id normally never go. KL for holiday and a Basketball Match, Singapore Slingers vs KL dragons.
Its the 25th of Jan, and its 2.30 in the fucking morning and I cant sleep. But all this while, the time Ive spent up till now... It felt right.
Its been good, and it doesnt feel like its flown by. It feels blo
ody long ago to be honest. But it also feels well spent and productive.
But now. Right now. That the tides have changed, and I feel like Ive running out of time. Now that schools restarted and im almost out of cash. Im thinking and feeling.
How is THIS so different from being in camp?
THIS insomnia. and I have no one to call. THIS loneliness. THIS sadness. THIS hasnt changed one bit.
I may have left my uniform and my responsibilities.
But Im still a sad lonely boy who cant sleep at night, and is just stirring with restless emotion.
3 months have gone and Ive done a good job of distracting myself. Ive been happy and energized. But Im leaving Singapore this Friday. And the sad realization that maybe this is all life has left to offer me for January is unsettling. Is that really it for now? Am I going to leave without saying goodbye to so many people?
I guess I am. I was worried about this quite a while back.
then when I ORD things arnt gonna change. That my classmates would remain as distant as ever. We have grown too far apart, and there is nothing I can do to change that. and thats exactly how it is now.
Its Monday morning, and I cant sleep. I might as well be in camp. I have nothing to look forward to tomorrow. There is no one for me to talk to right now. Im simply not close enough to anyone online. And Im restless. Whats the big deal now. That I have my handphone by my side? So I know that no one is calling me? I might as well be in the army. Where solitude is norm, and misery is always on the look out for company.
Well, rishik, old boy. Lifes not all rainbows and butterflies. Next week, its gonna be a whole new ball game. So why not just call it quits for tonight. Quit while your ahead. and ready your ship for your next big adventure. Its right around the corner.
