Friday, December 31, 2010

Playlist 2010

Following a tradition from last year. Rishik's Playlist from his life, 2010.

Departure and Arrival
Gives you Hell by All American Rejects
Soul Sister by Train
If We Ever Meet Again by Timbaland and Katy Perry

Easter in Australia
Kids by MGMT
Opposite of Adults by Chiddy Bang

Surfers Paradise
One Last Breathe by Creed

Driving, Logan City and Leaving Australia
ONE by Yeasayer
I Wanna (Touch You) by All American Rejects
Waving flag by K naan

Kayaking, Running and Guilty Pop
Riding Solo by Jason Durelo
Eenie Meenie by Justin Bieber


Teaching in Singapore
Mary the Blues by Gaslight Anthem
Blue Jeans and White T Shirt by Gaslight Anthem
Shameless by All Time Low
Idaho by Nerina Pallot

Freshers Fortnight 
Dont Stop Me Now by Queen
Homecoming by Greenday
The Gin Song

Lost in London
Pursuit of Happiness by Kid Cudi
1901 by Phoenix
Listzomania by Phoenix
Sleepy Head by Passion Pit

Still in London
Geek Love by Nerina Pallot
Learning to Breathe by Nerina Pallot
Heres Looking at you kid by Gaslight Anthem
Everything is Alright by Motion City Soundtrack

Christmas Markets
I must be dreaming by the Maine
Little Secrets by Passion Pit

Amsterdam and the New Year
Lua by Bright Eyes
Come on Eileen by City on Film

---

This post is subject to change as my memory informs me.. for now though, im off to bricklane.

gnight world. its been a. year. =)

Thursday, December 30, 2010

recommend me some rainy days

two poems.
---

rainy days makes
wet roads out of Orchard
and cool winds gush through
glass doors as I leave Borders
on the corner of wheelock place

browsing books, and listening to music
i like being alone
though I confess I still check my phone
pre-maturely
in the hope of getting a text from you

i suck at sending replies though
always over thinking retyping words slowly
crafting tone and (double)meanings
to their most effective
pace and measure

effective(?).. in giving myself comfort at least.
clearly its never yielded any other result.

---

I like being alone in Singapore
because you always know that your being watched
this safe, high pressure of air
presses against my body
like light blankets or comforters
or the shy fleeting brushing feel of skin on skin
eyes dart away avoiding contact at all cost
what matters is I know your there

lights all the way around this island city
i wait till it gets dark, but the lights, they go
all the way round. roads never let up.
coffeeshops never close.
petrol kiosks always shining
they know something we dont.
even the parks theyve been lit up
even the sea gets not sleep
container ships from left to right
its intense this lack of darkness
its so rather. undramatic.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

NOT a coffee addict. sometimes i drink tea as well.

I really wanna try my hand at writing a comic. strip. 
not regularly. but just one. to see the reception it would get. 

cause i know my doodling sucks. and my sense of humour warped, absurd and dry.. 
but still. i'd like to try..

anyway this is the first scene, which played out in my mind. six panels. 

Dude A: long distance relationships dont work!
Dude B: *Listens*

Dude A: i mean. it just goes against the very point of being in a relationship.
if the girls's not physically there, how's she gonna make you a sandwich?
Dude B: *Listens*

*Silence*

Dude B: you do know, this is why your still single, right?
Dude A: yeaa..

*Silence*

Dude A: I like the sandwiches i make, though
Dude B: glad you do. 

----

The second idea I had was just this sequence. of someone dipping a biscuit into his tea. and the biscuit becomes a bit too brittle so it falls into his tea cup. so he takes another biscuit to fish out the first. and as he lifts it up, the weight of the first biscuits breaks the other biscuit and sends it down, into the tea cup as well. 


it doesnt have to be a comic strip though. might make it a spoken word poem or something.
---

Reading about Van der waals forces, makes me tired and confused.
I wonder if maybe later in life, I'll ever have the luxury of learning philosophy, science and maths again..

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

causeway crosser

when i was younger one of the highlights of travelling, for holidays, and staying in hotels was the thrill of using the hotel swimming pools.

KL, Malacca, JB, Batam, didnt matter where, its really was the same old joy. swimming in a pool. not like singapore didnt have a pool. or like im a huge fan of swimming. Im really not. Its oh-so uncomfortable, and, really. im quite bad at it. Id start panting like a dog in one lap. A dog would beat me at swimming actually. Any style. Im quite sure he would.

but the point is. holidays. as a little kid. was never really about seeing a city. or a country. not really. was really all about getting away from home. and being with my family.

and really, what a great idea that is.  

...
leaving for amsterdam in half an hour. probably wont compare to my epic adventure of being stranded in paris. or the awesome roadtrip along the sunshine coast. or the weekend at sydney. or even easter in melbourne. but itll be great to see a familiar face again.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

She thinks im crazy

Cant stop wont stop
I must be dreaming...

---
what a life.
snowball fights
Christmas Balls with bouncy castles and chocolate fondues
bumper cars and ice skating
hyde park, portobello road, borough markets
nice comments from my criminal law tutor
running as the snow fell for the second time in my life, and the second time this year in london
dinners with family shopping by myself
looking forward to trips to museums and orchestras
movie premiers and FA cup games
playing host to so many lovely friends
spending amsterdam in christmas (if god and the weather allows)

this is just the past 2 weeks
think back for my whole time here in london.
and the list of amazing things ive done and seen.
will never end.

its a strange feeling now, schools over, people going home, but at the same time people not being able to go home.
its a great feeling, light in your heart.
truly feeling like youre on good terms with everyone you know. damn, im glad for it.

---

Return to the gym soon enough. Get around to starting revision for the January Exams.
And fundraising for KEP. Maaan, kenya is gonna be awesome.

Amsterdam too, hopefully. Strangely glad im not one of the people who are stuck in london, unable to get home. and rather, im one of those who chose not to go home this holiday. though i still miss my family of course. and the thought of the summer.

but i have their love. and im alive.
maybe wish i had someone to share it with.
all the same, for now, im feeling fine. =)


---
The Maine "I must be dreaming"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Icu5ZMkzcM

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Re: Volante

you make me feel so good
sober.

so when its time for you to go home.
what exactly, do you
suppose I do?


------

a work in progress

reve de Voler
Rishik vMenon

you make me feel like a kid again
21, barely in, and your making me feel like a kid again

youve got me singing
out of tune
youve got me laughing
out loud
youve got me brave, spilling secrets
childhood stories, not cool, not proud

..but you dont seem to care
and I feel safer in your smile
than Ive ever did
in this foreign
winter
wonder
land

---

not sure if or when ill be able to finish this piece.
shall have to wait and see

Monday, December 13, 2010

traditions and revelations

I really gonna miss being home this christmas.
the whole family gathered in jalan pari burong, talking, catching up, eating. the chance to buy people presents. write cards. did i mention eating? the obligatory cousins picture (taken in order of height, of course). and listening to stories of days gone by.
stories which need to be told, every year, lest they be forgotten.

Im gonna miss clark quay, this holidays. the swell and rise of human beings in orchard road during december. the club scene. the feeling of freedom. the cheers to "good days ahead", with keng mun. the ritualistic drink of absinthe with dharvin on Christmas day. and then again on new years day.


traditions and revelations.

----

i miss being in the company of rishab, kannagi, biju, jithin and chechi. listening to them talk. on an everyday basis about deep philosophy, music, life, food, culture, childhoods, everything. and i might have found friends to hang with here in london. but are they the kind im gonna hang with for the rest of my life?
i dunno..
maybe if they just. started talking about deep philosophy, music, life, food, culture, childhoods, everything.

i really dont wanna impress people. or try and be funny, or appear smart.
I just wanna listen to stories. and talk theories. and share my mind. and hopefully, it wont end there. hopefully, you'll respond to my ideas with your own thoughts and views. and maybe just maybe, we'll end up talking forever. and ever. till your sister forces you to go to bed, sometime around 3am on sunday morning.


plato's cave was a brilliant idea. and im missing that too. i guess it seemed like a natural progression, after I left Australia and returned to singapore. to find that same level of intellectual stimulation I found in that apartment building on Surfer's paradise.


revel and revelations.

----

this weekend really turned me around. strange as it may sound, having not done any work, or not having contained any real direct source of inspiration. truly failing the "but, for" test of causation. but it has. and now. i find. maybe my standards and hopes in life havent been unreasonably high all along.

maybe i'll never have to settle for less, ever. and if this is true, so then are the rest of my dreams. Im gonna work hard and do well in school.

and if ever anything gets me down. i'll think about this weekend. and how amazing it was. and how i have so much to look forward to in life. you may not have changed me for the better. but maybe ive been changed for good. im ruined now, for anyone less than perfect.

----

retrospectively thinking about all the mistakes ive made in the last 2 years
its almost funny. i wish dharvin was here. he'd understand. he'd laugh.
or he'd make fun of me. and i'd laugh.

im not sure if its scary, how easily im able to narrow down the friends i see myself keeping for life.
theodore and dharvin for instance.

the trick is to think about yourself. root squared. to the basic essence. and who knows you for who you are.
the trick is to take long walks to and in parks and write poetry. since there arnt any beaches nearby.
once im done with these essays. this weekend or something.

till then, i shall just have to write this poem here in my room.


----

im having trouble, working out, how to fit into this conversation, just how beautiful your eyes are.

Saturday, December 04, 2010

patron saint of day dreams

black and white striped
counterweight boom gates
these moods dont swing
quite as much as this
conscious -ness
lying on the
border
between
states of
intoxication
and caffienation

will you count the number of rings,
brown,
on this table,
like chalk crosses
on the wall of a prison cell?

i cant pretend to empathise

they probably dont get as much sleep as I do.

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

long time coming

an ol army song.
with some poetic licence and melancholic rishik flavour

--
in the early morning run
with my field pack on my back
theres an aching in my heart
and my body's full of sweat

im a long long way from home
damn, i miss my lover so
in the early morning run
when the cold wind blows

when the cold wind blows
when the cold wind blows
when the cold wind blows
i miss you so

in the early morning march
with my rifle by my side
theres an aching in my heart
papa, I dont wanna die

ive a long long way to go
damn, i miss my mama so
in the early morning march
when the cold wind blows

when the cold wind blows
when the cold wind blows
when the cold wind blows
i wanna go home

i know
i know
i have to go
i'll hurry back home
and the cold wind blows

i wish
you knew
i love you so
i'll hurry back home
and the cold wind blows
---

Its just about winter, in London.
Things are looking up.
things are in motion.
essays being written. food being cooked.
gyms libraries
museums mosh pits
skype dates
poetry jams
and dreams of kenya

back home too things are in motion.
people passing on
life moving forward
new jobs new schools

seems like alot to deal with.
but itll work out in the end. it always does.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

nice guys gotta try

I genuinely wonder if you're like this to everyone.
sheer unforgiving bitchiness. or was it a signal i gave you, you saw, this streak in me, perhaps, that bears abuse and insult.
or is there something about my lifestyle and personality, my philosophy of life so at odds with your paradigms and world view, you see me as a symbol of everything youre against, of something that must be put down, so as to justify your own decisions.

maybe its the way you were raised. or did the company you hung around find it endearing and reward you for it?
do you see it as a strength of character. to cast judgements, put down people, make insults based on the most superficial of matters.

and its gets hard to justify how the things you say can be meant to be funny.
it doesnt even pass off as banter. low, undisguised sarcasm.
i mean if someone is genuinely pleased with their mediocre results, wheres the humour in sarcastically praising him. if someone floats an opinion, theres no wit in rubbishing his idea based on the country he's from. if someone is unaware of a particular pronunciation, what joy do you get in mimicking the mispronunciation.

its a profoundly small-minded immaturity and arrogance passing off as intelligence.

i wish i had the power to open people's minds, without having to force them to listen. i dont, of course.
i have the patience though. to keep trying. until they do.

Friday, November 26, 2010

in defence of the merlions

I am a Singaporean. A singaporean motherson. Born and bred in the city-state. Proud of my roots, our founding story. Merdeka, merger, separation, independence. Ive got the national flag pinned up above my bed, and when filling in forms which ask me whats my ethnicity, I generally reply "Others" and fill in the words "Singaporean" in the blank.

My family's roots in the region runs deep, and I'm proud of the fact. the crescent moon and stars is a recurring theme in my collection of doodles. Ive served some time of my life in the army, and I recognize that the ORD is the beginning, not the end, of the service I shall owe my nation.

this country's my home, i havent got any other. its a place where im free to act as a private citizen, without the fear of being persecuted. it grants me the freedom of speech to say what I feel in public to people around me, and I genuinely believe in the free, open democratic nature of my government. and for all these liberties and protections, im grateful.

having said that, i now come to the story of the polo boys and their patriotic trunks. i first read about it on redsports.sg, a local online sporting journal, and i was pretty damn thrilled. what an awesome pair of trunks! finally! something truly Singaporean that would stand out in the world, at multi-national sporting competitions. for too long have we gone without a real signature emblem, a real eye-catching logo that shouts "oi!" to the world and lets them know where we are from.

not to put down the attires of our other sports teams. Im a huge fan of the Orchid on the rugby jersey, and not too opposed to the lion-head that took over. and the national flag on our national team's football jersey isnt that bad, though to be honest, rather uninspired. (Im just saying; the warwick university singapore society football logo is really miles ahead in terms of creativity and design.)

but the moon and the stars.. yes! for me, that really does it. its the one thing thats really what makes our flag, our flag. unmistakable. it has to be, the one, the only, the lion city, temasek, singapura, Singapore City, Singapore. these trunks were gonna start a revolution. they were gonna change the way we designed everything! i could see it all unfolding in my mind.

i dont care how ugly it might have been to some people. people will have opinions, and opinions split. to me, though, it seemed undeniable, that these trunks were singaporean in the most proud and unembarrassed of ways. the tabloids are free to say what they want, debate and rant. whatever, i thought. the trunks were cool.

and then I had to read about MICA's official statement, in the BBC, and a wave of disappointment swept through me.

For a government ministry to criticize the design of our national team's uniform was just sad. especially an outfit so loud and proudly nationalistic. i felt embarrassed. it just seemed unnecessary and uncalled for. it seems like a rather knee jerk defensive response by MICA to disassociate themselves from the polo team, and an unfair condemnation on the design. really, i just feel that MICA should have more important things to do, and the impression that is being given to the world at large, is that Singapore is such an oppressed state, that even the slightest of matters, such as the national polo team's trunks, is required to be vetted and approved by the Ministry.

which is not true. I refuse to believe we are a nanny state. it shouldnt be the case. we are a mature modern society. i'm just very sad when this article becomes the first thing that appears in my google news feed for "Singapore".

but whats really got to me, was the grounds on which MICA condemned the outfit: this idea that the elements of the flag were not treated with dignity. and really the implications of this, is that its gonna discourage people from using the flag creatively. its just hindering people from expressing their patriotism in one more way. which is something i really dont want to happen.

you see, identity is a huge part of patriotism. and i see it every time I travel the world. the tri-colour of the ethiopian flag as a wristband. the french tri-colour as bandanas. the union jack as bikinis, the australian flag as towels, the colours of the indian flag colours in a turban, the stars and stripes on iPhone covers. national flags are embraced and loved all over the world. its being celebrated and used by people to show their pride and heritage. but you cant do that if your afraid your gonna be breaking the law by accidentally using the flag in an "inappropriate" or "undignified" manner.

I mean look at Australia. you see their flag everywhere. on tshirts, floor mats, umbrellas, car decals, tongs, its all over the place. but just because your using the national flag to dry yourself, or your stepping all over it, doesnt mean your disrespecting it. on the contrary it shows how much your in love with your country, that you want to don its colours in every conceivable form.


and i want this to happen in singapore. i want the crescent moon and the stars on belt buckles, on towel racks, as bandanas, singlets, FBTs, whatever. I want people to be allowed to wear the flag however they please, and not leave it up on a pedestal, sacred and inaccessible. not something that we only see during August, then hide the rest of the year in our bomb shelter/ store rooms. We were going in the right direction by allowing cars to fly mini flags. but why stop there?


the obvious place for this revolution to start is in the sporting scene. and as identifiable as the flags of certain countries are, are the national jerseys of their teams. the silver fern on the all blacks, the three lions on England's football jersey, and the rose on their rugby kit. it doesnt matter that new zealand or england didnt win the world cup. people still wear their country's colours and thats patriotism. helped by the fact that their uniforms were unique and identifiable.


and thats what the polo boys' uniform was. identifiable. not a plain all red top like the Singapore Lions. too many countries in the world have red in their flags and use the colour on their jerseys. look no further than Indonesia. I remember when I was relief teaching and students were allowed to wear a red top to school. And they did. boys wearing the jerseys of liverpool, arsenal, manchester united, and even Spain. I know it sounds like im digressing, but all these issues are inter-related.


the polo boys achieved something unique and impactful. good intentioned, bold, adventurous, its what we need as a society.


and what we need is more liberalization. not more measures to keep use of our national symbols in check. more freedom to play with ALL our national symbols: the orchid, the lion head, the moon and stars. more flexibility in expression, and a greater willingness by the authorities to accept its usage.


I know that being patriotic isnt the coolest thing in Singapore, and if liberalization were to occur, not everyones gonna start rushing to shops to buy a set of red and white tees and jeans. but at least those who do want to, wont have to feel worried about disrespecting the very country, they love and celebrate.


xx
rishik

Sunday, November 07, 2010

Avec vous le Virgin mobile recharge?

rock bottom motivation
what do you wanna do with your life?
think rishik think
gotta be something
just
look around your room
clean enough.
maybe laundry
no,
thats not what i meant
i mean.
big picture. long term

(...)
nothing.
travel? no, no. i mean: productive. creative.

werent you gonna write some poems?
and a few essays?
whatever happened to those ideas.

your long walks arnt doing it for you anymore, my man. minute you come home, all you do is go online and get lost in the lives of everyone else.
need to focus. thats what you need. not another exile. this time its gotta come from within.

go to the library. gita's right. it helps.
and talk to people. stop ignoring text messages!
its pathetic. why are you so lazy?

clean up, shape up
caffeine and sugar can stay
all other indulgences will have to go
starting when?
woah. tough call here.
next week? i dunno.
will I change my mind again?
starting now. yes. lets do this. but but.. hmmm..
yeaa. starting now. do your best. just see how it goes.

what else though?
running and gyming? keep it up boy. stay healthy.
keep that heart pumping. doesnt matter what people say about you being skinny.
or about running and losing weight.
your not doing this for anyone else. youve got nothing to prove.
I'm gonna become my own perfect body. I'll do it. block out negativity.

what about saving money? its soo.. difficult.
well don't. but only spend money on important things.
like food. and stationery. anything to make doing work easier.
if its a small comfort to keep me less distracted, then buy it.
it'll be worth while in the long run.

live high and fall free.
im a law student.
on the pursuit of happiness.

I tell you now, world. i aint gonna fuck this up.

breathe easy, boy. you're uncool. and skinny. and making a mess of your studies.
but your smart enough to sort this out.
starting next week?
no. now.

next timecheck? 18th november. contract law essay due.
I wanna hear all about how youve turned things around by then, hear?
a proper plan, maybe some intellectually stimulating commentaries on the nature of photography, gay rights or nationality and ethnicity.
a poem or two. and post some pretty pictures of Europe while you're at it.
no questions? good. now off to bed, young man. its gonna be a long day ahead.

Monday, November 01, 2010

avoiding work by typing

i honestly cant remember if ive done a similar rant/post like this before.

but well. here it goes anyway.

i feel anti-social (maybe i should post on facebook?)
i dont wanna keep up with these lives around me.
im tired.
i just wanna be with my family.
quiet. accepting. family.
im done with friendships. they dont last. never have. think back rishik.

primary school friends?
secondary school friends?
junior college friends?

its over. move on.
i dont believe in long distance.

long distance friendships.
but family. i believe in. its not a relationship. its an absolute.
its a state.
a moleculor bond. or the other one. i cant remember.
and cant be bothered to check it up.
you see, i gave up on chemistry 5 years ago, when it broke my heart.

but thats not what this post is about.

or maybe... itis. isit? yes.
think back, rishik.
how was I happy in...
primary school? friends.
secondary school? friends.
junior college? friends.

its true. mediocre at sport, music, drama, studies, i kept going purely for social reasons.
i over committed for the thrill of being around people
inadvertently (i think) the best of me was brought out due to the friends i lived my life around

and well.. somewhere along the line, things turned strange, and i became a solitary kinda man.
a little less dependent.
a little faster on the track
a little less eloquent, from not having to explain my strange dreams and philosophies to people

and see, back then, in the army, and even in australia. i had my family.

and it seems like right now.
cooking, listening to music, long showers, and afternoon naps are really doing it for me.
and im loving this intoxicated state of liberty a little too much.

but this isnt who im meant to be. and without family or motivation.
im worried.

and to be honest,
some nights, listening to music? it gets you lonely.

and i wish i had someone to listen to music with.
or hold and not speak to. just like in those damn dashboard confessional songs.
but she doesnt exist. or maybe she doesnt know I do.

so can someone please tell me.
how is it done?
have i forgotten? how to make friends, i mean.
or, having tasted perfection, have my expectations
for companionship skyrocketed beyond the market
or maybe has my own value and worth led to my fall from
the market i previously considered myself worthy

after all I am.
mediocre at sport, music, drama, studies...
not the best at what I do, not very funny, eloquent
valiantly poetic, my philosophies too radical to share
my stories too personal, my dreams too long-winded

this aint school, where you sit with the same people during lectures, where you work out tutorials together.
this requires a little more effort, than joining the same societies or taking the same bus home.
and when you walk to school, are always late, dont join any societies, and are too damn poor to go out for lunch/dinner you really have to put yourself a little bit more out there to get close to people.

a little bit more out there?
really?

but its soo much more comfortable here, though
cooking, listening to music, reading, sleeping and taking long showers.

i'll face reality next weekend.

only breakfast can save me now.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

we dont have rights, we never had rights. all we have are privileges.

The difference between Medicine and Poison is dosage.

Note to Self
1. Smile to strangers more often. It feels good.
2. Seems like the gravity in London is the same as that in Singapore. Said phenomena requires further investigation.
3. This seems to be longest time youve ever been away from the beach, Rishik. Smile to strangers more often.

---

Saturday, October 23, 2010

I wanted to write a sad serious poem

The roofie song
by Rshik Mnon

tonight
I'm looking for the easy way out!

smoke and a drink
maybe then we'll dance about

rubbish at flirting
conversational things

lets just keep on dancing
while I slip this down your drink!

----

haha. i know what ive been told, about appropriacy and how its not a real word.
but its a beautiful world, and no ones gonna hold anything against me for long. and it'll never be long, for as long as they hold it.

a master stroke; syllogistic meandering
and I'm done.

Friday, October 22, 2010

My year in weeks

Week1-Week4 Singapore
Week4-Week13 Gold Coast
Week13-Week14 Melbourne/Canberra
Week14-Week23 Gold Coast
Week23-Week24 Sydney/Gold Coast/Noosa
Week25-Week25 Gold Coast
Week25-Week37 Home
Week37-Week44 London
Week44-Week44 Paris/London
Week45-Week45 Brussels/Rotterdam/Den Haag
Week45-Week51 London
Week51-Week51 Amsterdam
Week52-Week52 London


(Speaks the math geek within...
40% in Australia
30% in Asia
30% in Europe)


maybe.. home aint such a bad idea after all.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Variations

Lion City
Born and Bred
Cut see
this blood bleeding
white and red
Cant get these
moon and stars
out of my head
im a singaporean
son
live it up
till Im dead

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Your so beautiful when you convince yourself

nothing like listening to
academy is
dashboard confessional
newfound glory

to bring me back to my days in St Pats.


ANYWAY
21st October
Gaslight Anthem

I am soo there. how do I type something this epic this calmly?
must be from watching all those Old Spice Commercials.

out.

Friday, October 01, 2010

I wonder if i could pick up fire twirling here?

Cant seem to find the beach anywhere. here in old london town. good ol 
ol london town. 

But there is a park. I know. 
And a moon too.

And MAybe if i keep looking, I'll just end up finding something
that maybe I didnt know I was looking for. 




--
Purple as purpose.  
Im tired of small talk.
"how you going?" "where you from?"
"what?" "law readings?" "are you?" done.

tired. or maybe just- not in the mood. 
at the moment
meaning
there's no denying 
how

these stories dance around me
like kindling to my arson eyes
waiting to be born, yea,  told
I want to hear them sing
like a choir
to a preacher
I want to believe
what they have to say
and sway!
as they tell me complicated
simple histories
maybe move!
explanations of your decisions
how did you did you
reach this transition
feel!
I want to be inspired
not relate, no
thats not required

for this magic
i am all ears
and all quiet 
hungry
anticipation..

i am an audience..

so please start
whenever your ready
i'll wait
wont move
no worries
you see

its too tiring
tonight
for this small talk

and ive always been a believer
in spontaneous combustion.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

get out of it. get into it.

im in the zone.
im out of it.
im running away.
im working this.
im getting there.
im taking time.
im awake i think.
im doing fine.

doing fine.
gimme time
ill do just fine.
---

"Look! Its a cow!"
".. thats a horse."

"I didnt know ducks could fly"
"..."

"I cant believe I was nodding off during the show.. Thank god its over!"
(after a while)
"Uhm. This is just the interval."


---

surely ill start writing sooner or later
surely ill get my camera out there
just need time
sleep.run.sleep.

working this.
working this out. 

hey look on the bright side. you know how to cook.
and its only been a week.
no big rush. 
this show will get started. soon.
enough.


right. after. 


a little bit more sleep.
..
..

Monday, August 09, 2010

Majulah Singapura

Lion City
Born and Bred
Cut, this blood,
Bleeds White and Red

-
Cheers
Rishik Vijayadas Menon


--
I really really like the skyline on this card. makes me wanna get it, for that one reason.
sign. talk about successfully appealing to the patriotic market

and google aint doing too bad either.


Thursday, August 05, 2010

nice

its days like this i feel good about.
days where things could have so easily gone wrong.
where my laziness could have won.
but it didnt turn. and omg, thankfully it didnt. because if it did, it would have never come close to this.

Starting early in TJ.
Running without stopping during AHM training (13 click)
Checking out Plato's Cave's Words and Worlds and writing three poems while I was there.

I feel fucking good, people. Physically. Mentally. And not at any social cost. I knew all along this was possible. And here I am. Not sacrificing the things that matter to me. Living the life. healthy.

healthy.

--

OH before I forget. here are the poems I wrote.

Home By Rishik Menon

The house didnt look too happy by now.
Scrapped Paint, empty hallways, pianos and bedframes smashed to a
void deck friendly size pile of wood lying in empty rooms ready to let go
of past memories, ready to be passed on to the next three bedroom plus one
extended family meeting racial quotas and CPF, HDB guidelines the endless
string of legal requirements regulations, no not allowed to start renovation, yes
the loans have been approved, I wished you wouldnt bring up the dog again,
we knew this would eventually happen, like such voices
too loud disturb the thoughts, the house as its thinking
like a sentence. in the middle. the house. it was thinking of something.
A family once lived here.

Your earring
By Rishik Menon

So I need to let you know, that your earrings missing
You know know. The one you got for my birthday those
ears ago.
I know you think my hole has closed, but well. Truth be told
Ive been testing trying, not nightly, sometimes, most nights fine
I take that ear ring, eyes half close, unstable fingers figure that rod into my skin
know. knowing that it still fits, knowing that some part of you stays somewhat close to me,
I sit knowing very well how sad and loserific
this would sound, were word to ever get out.
But so, so tonight tonight I just thought I should let you know
that your ear rings missing.
Sitting clumsy lonely fingers figuring a way to stick that metal into my skin, lack of practice or maybe a certain destiny, wirtten in the stars, led me to let go, instant and moment and
I imagine I hear a faint click as metal hit the floor I dont know
I check the dusty corners unswept rich history and layers of life untouched but..
I'll have to clean up some other day. but tonight. your ear rings missing. and i thought i should let you know.

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

cost of fun

$20 - Fishing rod and gear
$36 - 1 Game of Paintball
$14 - 2 Hours, Badminton Court Rental
$10 - 1 Hour, Kayak Rental
$12 - 1.5 Hours of Pool
$131 - Corrine Bailey Rae's Concert
$12 - Movie tickets with popcorn

And I dont ever want to see this stop.
Day and Night I dream of living up.


So maybe it is possible. To stay healthy, gym, kayak, run, play badminton.
Have a job, earn cash.
Read fiction and philosophy on the way to work.
Go for poetry readings and philosophy discussions.
Best of both worlds or bust. We dont settle for less than what we must.
Must. Must have it all.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Black Jack

like only an SAF machine gunner knows how to scream:
"tweeeeennnnyy-one!!"
Its over, people
21 weeks in Australia
has just ended.
so in celebration of this occasion, I present to yee..


The top 21 reasons that has made my trip so worthwhile!!
Wheeee~~

21 Riding the Waves!!
Just that short 2 hour encounter in the sea, was so worth those 50 buckeroos.
20 Riding a Jetski.
and getting my queensland boat licence while I was at it. Crazy, dangerous, heart pulsating, totally worth it
19 Running at the Brisbane Twilight Half Marathon as a pacerunner
was a new experience. was still kinda nervous. But yeaa. was a good experience.
18 Teaching at TAFE.
A good experience all in all. and something to put in the resume.
17 Checking out the local music/art/theatre scene.
The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Le Concert, Blues at Broadbeach, Bongoes at Burleigh, Ruby Moon, as well as all the random musicians, at the Gold Coast Arts Centre, and those bars and pubs at Broadbeach and Surfers.
16 Visiting the 3 capital cities on the East Coast: Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane
.... say wha? canberra who? haha.
15 Experiencing my first winter.
albeit without snow.
14 Learning how to budget.
I may not run a tight ship. But I have gained insight into how lose it actually is.
13 Seeing Australia like a true tourist!
Murwillumbah, Nimbin, Mt Tamborine, Mt Dandenong, Burleigh Heads, Noosa Heads, Stardbroke Island. This gorgeous wilderness has barely been scarred by my DSLR. I really wish I took more pictures of this pretty pretty scenery.
12 Learning to Cook!
Possibly the most important lesson of all
11 Teaching the students of Masan University 
Funny bunch. unforgettable experience.

The Top Ten...

10 Easter Break.
Meeting my best bro, Dharvin and Kiran. nothing short of awesome.
9 Making a whole heap of friends on the Gold Coast from all over the world.
The diversity is unbelievable. And now I cant wait to travel the world, and visit them in their home towns.
8 Road Trip to Sunshine Coast.
541 Km. 3 days 2 nights. And to spend that time with my family. Incredible.
7 Russell Peters Live.
OMG! Where do I start!?
6 Learning French.
Really doubt I would have progressed far in Singapore.

And now for the top 5...

5 Certificate IV in TESOL
I think this warrants at LEAST a top 5 finish. since it took so much of my money
4 Spending time with Anni and Anna.
Cause they are family. 
3 Visiting Byron Bay.
The most beautiful place in the world. Hands down.
2 Spending more time with chechi.
Even though she left for Singapore in April. Haha. nice planning.

and finally... number ONE!!

1 Spending time with Yuvi
sigh. Hands down.
I mean really. "haaaavee you me YUVI?" 
=)
----

. ..
twe lve weeks left in Singapore.
I dont k n ow whats gonna h appen ...
but I know its gonna be fast . .
and now... I see it coming.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Ahh such a rewarding career! Not financially NO..

It is no secret that my family has been happily producing humans of the teaching breed since time immemorial. We have no idea who was responsible for this sick ass curse, but it has been pretty damn powerful. The numbers dont lie, and the last two generations of Angappans thus far show no sign of stopping this tragic trend.
As of today, amongst my parents, aunties and uncles, we have:
1 Principal
2 Tertiary level Lecturers
1 Early Childhood Educator
1 Retired Teacher
1 Ex-Child Care Centre Manager

Amongst my siblings and cousins
2 Principals
3 Teachers (Primary/Secondary Level)
1 Tertiary level Lecturer

---
Ladies and Gentlemen.
Come next week
June 25th 2010
I will have completed my last week of
practicum teaching and would be officially
certified as a
TESOL Teacher.
God-forbid this doesn't take over my life.

Sunday, June 06, 2010

These words: A series of poems

these words are like
prisoners
within me
needing to escape
they riot
unsettle
stir
my soul
I cant clam them down

refugees
seeking
grammatical asylum
they know their lot
is lost
in this boat,

so
internally displaced phonemes
they
rage a storm
within
my waters
barrage
and
batter
against
my borders
till one day
I grant them
freedom

but I
know their
intention
so I keep these words
under
prolonged
detention

for truly
I fear
once loose
the power
the power
of these words

Monday, May 31, 2010

Blame it on the weather love

I have been planning this song for a long long time now.
since november last year..
Its probably gonna be one of my all-time favourites.
so much effort to perfect the rhythm and words.
fucking mainstream 4-chord guitar acoustic emo rock pop songs.

but after 8 months of incubation
the time has come to stop holding it back
and release this work to the world
---

Blame it on the weather, Love
by Rishik Vijay Menon

Fell for your lines in the library
reading out loud like a mainstream movie
playing out the parts of a private scene
you were playing to the hopes of my lemon tea dreams

where maybe tonight you can sit on my lap
then i take the last bus as you take the cab back
summer lasts forever in the singapore sense of the
weather now its raining cause we're meant to be together


walking to the park to the beach to the jetty
i'll walk you to your doorstep, but first you got to let me
take you on a tour through my playground memories
your planning for the future but I hunger for your history

free from the boundries of void deck games
for soccer balls I dived down the monsoon drains
we only just met, but your accents kinda changed
it took you three tries to remember my name

your voice turned
silence silver
why did you turn it back gold
Im not one
for small favours
take back your apologies, and just go

we fell in love in the april showers
running for refuge to the bird watchin tower
sleepless from the second first kiss under cover
i was losing my mind to flying ants and cicadas

spending recess-break buying post-recital flowers
phone plans were tested in the silent hour
of the morn when the shine of the street lights won
the glory of the stars in this tropical dawn


Only catching sleep when I dreamt through econs
the lectures felt deep and my desk felt warm
you doodled out a poem on the back of my palm
notes feeling so right, though my answers were wrong

like, running after trains which didnt wanna wait
left home an hour early, cause you swore that I'd be late
sharing kaya toast and coffee, catching sunlight off a plate
then you nearly made me choke, when you said this felt like fate


your voice turned
silence silver
why did you turn it back gold
Im not one
of small favours
take back your apologies, and just go
---

you stole my breathe down bugis street
melted me away in the August heat
like fireworks your smile made my heart skip a beat
the sound of your laughter mobilised me to my feet


you held my hand at the park, fort canning
then you broke my heart, like I always saw it coming
"did you really think this was gonna last forever?
if you really need a reason, you can blame it on the weather..."

thunder turned
silence silver
and stormclouds turned it back gold
Im not one
to last the weather
your hurricane has yet to let me go

your voice turned
silence silver
why did you turn it back gold
I cant stand
These small favours
So take your apologies
and just go.

the murder is in the mixture

panadol and cabernet sauvignon
by rishik

in so much pain
im terrified, of the world
of memories of flashing blue and red
on my rear view mirror
and dreams of driving forever
against the flow of traffic
i blast the heater
and confuse left turns for right
i want to go home so bad
and if i were to die, whos gonna
be the ones cleaning up the
wreckage
the bodies
who will pay
for the funeral
who will call my parents every saturday
or play with my nephew
im terrified and
every red light
feels like
forever
I wait
at the slip roads
cant trust anyone now
certainly not myself
zebra crossings appear out of no where
my hearts drops, as I drive on through.
there was no one there.
40 kph feels unbearably fast
and my eyes dart back and forth,
from speedometer to speed limits
and again memories, of sirens
and flashing jams of red and blue
i consider pulling over and cuddling up
to sleep
but oh
I oh
I wanna go home
so bad right now
i wanna i wanna go
in the distance
i see a face looking at me
and i dont know what happened.
if the car stopped
and i got out
or if maybe
i slowed to such speeds, that
i was able to gawk for so long
or maybe, quite likely,
I drove straight
as per normal
but the power in that stare was so intense
I felt its impact all the way home
it wasnt a stare
it was a moment
we shared
me and her
from that far
to that near
pointed ears
eyes that reflected my
headlights
and whose colour i'll; never quite be sure of
not smiling looking at me
out of concern
maybe fear
or maybe even a terrible spiteful contempt
hoping for my crash
a beautiful long white fur coat
my eyes left the road from then on
and i could not think of anything else
except when was the last time
I had seen someone so
damn
beautiful
god knows what happened after that
where the time went
and how I got home last night

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Day late friend

I was just talking to Sakina about feeling old. and unaccomplished. but you know what...
fuck it.
cause I am...

(DRUMS!)
---

Still waiting
for my
first grey hair
or my first
paycheck
or my
first grey
anywhere
still single
no problem
without
army allowance
no more
homework
essays
deadlines
Im just
walking
Im rocking

Still living free
And mentally
no where close to
twenty three
Im as young as
I'll ever be
why did I need this
law degree

still clueless to the situation
of wars and life outside this nation
still unsure of the right proportion
of milk to add to my thayir saadam

They claim, Im hopelessly too hopeful
My driving style experimental
well I shant let them fault my tempo
no crime in taking time so gentle
..
and I wont be moved by
what I'm told

Cause Im still growing up
But I'm Not old

and while they treat,
this world just like a stage

All my life
I only ever
Act my age
---

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Turning English-Speakers into Orotund Linguists

(while talking about the weather..)
"your one of those guys where the glass is 3/4 full"
"if its not full, its probably a really big glass"

---

(while talking about pirates)
"do you know why pirates are called pirates?"
"ehh.. "
"because they ARGHHH!!"

---

(talking about getting high)
"wow, you really dance to your own rhythm, dont you?"
"why, thank you!"

---
(talking about homework)
"If you leave work till the last minute, you only take a minute to finish it."

---
Jokes in bad tastes

(after listening to the computer-voice in dictionary.com)
"Its like one of those guys in a wheelchair"
(Juliet stares in shock)

"land mines dont kill people. people who step on landmines kill people."

---
really starting to love the people here.
All the same, as much as I love them
cant wait for this course to be over.

cheers mate.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I think this is winter

I think this is winter.
This cold.
Temperature.
Not emotion.

Walking to southport beach was the smartest thing I did all day.

And today, being alone was not a cause for sadness.
Solitude brought happy memories,
time to contemplate
and a freedom from people.
all notions which I have
been in want of
and am grateful for
now it has come.

I walked up and down, and the beach and sky was beautiful.
the sound of the sea,
the birds in the sky.
then sitting down and finding those two seashells.

Im not a romantic kinda guy, but those sea shells were gorgeous.
It didnt make me miss anyone.
or particularly nostalgic.
I just really thought, how pretty they were.
and how much I wish I could make friends with other people who appreciate this same sort of simple profound poetry in nature, that I see.

this was real.
real cold too.
but sitting there in my shorts and thongs(or slippers. or chapals.) I was dealing with it.

happy to have the sun up.
happy to be reading, and to not have any immediate concerns or worries
like hunger, homework or social obligations weighing on my mind.

my escape has been a success after all.

oh god, did I mention it was cold?
I spent nearly 2 hours in that cold beach park.
felt like the whole day.
or maybe it just made the whole day memorable.

this can not define my australia experience in any way.
the hard and cold lesson of Australia thus far has been
budgeting, organising, planning, sacrificing and lots and lots
or initiative to break the inertia.
but the beach. today.
it was an escape. and thank god for escapes.

now i think I mentioned happy memories.
I suppose it wont hurt to share a few.

sitting with prem at starbucks at clark quay.
sitting with soefie in the TJ library.
studying with kubo at marine parade library starbucks.
sitting with amitha at fort canning park after some exam.
taking a bus with jasvir and de wei from st pats to changi airport.
sitting with lizzy at east coast park after getting back some exam results.

---
Songs in my mind
as I sat on the cold beach front.

"Konstantine" Something Corporate
"Beautiful Rescue" This Providence
"Adelaide" Anberlin
"Weather" Rishik Menon

jason durelooo~

iyaz and his shitty music videos are really comforting.
its sucha throwback to the 90s, of simple uncomplicated editing and story lines.
and i especially love how simple yet catchy his two singles have been so far.
"solo" and "replay".
its nice, you know?

his existence.
and how there is still sweet lubby dubby love in this cynical age; especially so in hip hop and RnB.

---

"Feeling like a star, you can't stop me shining"
Jason Durelo

"IN MY MIND"
Eddie Izzard

Thursday, May 06, 2010

shake shake shake shake-eh shakit!

Its a victory for lousy dancers everywhere

oh love.
---

now on a serious note..

to be in UCL would be crazy.
A fucking top university in the world.
studying law.
with the best students in the world.
people who are gonna be sharp, clever, intelligent
scholars, geniuses, the best of the best.
and im gonna have to find my way in the midst of it all.
Im gonna have to try and survive.
in a foreign country, too.
and try and do more than just survive,
maybe even thrive,
just to justify my parents in sending me there.
its gonna be insane. all that pressure, all that expectation to live up to
I cant even imagine the type of people whose company Im going to be in
these 120 or so others who will, all one day, be out there, making big names for themselves.
I dont know how I'll be able to do it.
But I want to try. and I know if I can make it through the admissions
it means I'm really not a lost cause after all.

"Im happy for you. You deserve to go to the best university you can go to"
Soefie
"Dont sign on. You won't be happy. You need a job where you will use your head"
Mr Rajesh
"he has his wings and he's going to do his own thing"
Mrs Nelly during the parent-teacher-dialogue
"I know the people who are in OCS. and there is nothing that they have, that we don't have."
Me, during my last week in SISPEC

Some of the most memorable motivational sayings from real life...

about 5 months to go. or less.
I have so much to do...
---
one last thing.

---
I have to stop searching wikipedia, yahoo!answers and google news for useless information and get down to proper reading/writing!!!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Vijayadas means the Victorious Servant, not Servant of the Victorious.

My middle name is Vijayadas
A poem in the making
by Rishik Menon

I suffer from the underdog complex.
hooked to it. My whole life Ive been playing the underdog,
finding ways to play it.
Throwing myself into situations of no turning back.
Or biting more than I can chew.
Of falling sick on the day of the race
Of holding back till the end, and
Giving more than I can handle
Its a disease,
its malignant its chronic all at the same time
this need this desire to fight stigma
stereotype and society
I am constantly pinning the world against myself
Just so I can prove them wrong.
I am the rebel for the greater cause
I am the perpetual player of the underdog
writing myself into stories
of sure doom and zero expectations
and blocking out advice
turning deaf ears to positivity and belief anyone else
might have in me
just so I keep this one-man-show
lonely and as tragic a battle as I can make it
I am the underdog
constantly climbing to new heights
so I may dive just a little bit further from shore
to qualify as being out of my depth.
for eternal underdogs, like me
need new challenges, new barriers to break
and new truths to prove wrong.
I am the thrill seeker, the adrenaline junkie
the man looking to be put into his place,
so he may take himself out.
I am against all odds
losing sight of shore
the silent killer
the unexpected champion
the little fellow with big dreams
just stay little, now fellow,
and the story will be a big one,
the dark horse
the losing bet
the self-confessed lover
of running second best
the only confidence this hustler
is playing with is his own
the underdog
can't rear his head till the last lap
and if and when he does pull it off
his satisfaction will be fleeting
and any evidence of past glory
soon gets lost in white washed history
cause victory for the underdog
becomes incongruous
and does nothing to satiate this
special diet.
fulfilling and draining
a vicious feedback loop
he must move on
forever setting himself up for the fall
forever striving for
and never relishing
that bitter bitter
need to get the world to believe in him
and the story
of the underdog.

---

Another poem I was working on.
Just thought I'll share a small sneak...


...He's the rebel for
the greater cause
And She's a goddess
and Im just lost
for words
in between these dreams
well cause it seems
that such great things are coming
near me
though recklessly
and Ive yet to find a way
to let it be...

Saturday, April 17, 2010

good to be drinking


---
The kopishop Soundtrack
OR
Breaking my addiction for artificial love
by Rishik Vijayadas

Sweet
Lime
Sugarcane

Your the first girl
that made me wait
a day
I missed
Just spent on
counting minutes


To the last parade
and white collared train
trying hard to be different
but I feel the same
I cant
resist
I got to
make you notice

Rose
Syrup
Carnation Milk

I cant go on
while Im feeling jilted
but you still
insist
"boy I
wish you made it

for the wine high banter
cause it felt amiss
without your laughter
and the chance of a kiss"
I fall in disarray
How could I
not have known this?


cause your
Milo Powder
Dinosaur
Your
home-made
lemonade
its so much more
real than anything
I had ever tasted
before I met you
My time was wasted
Last 5 years spent
overdosing
on phosphoric acid
alcohol,
and caffeine
So this change you offer
is worth such a try
Never have I known
Such a natural high~

Sweet
Lime
Sugarcane

Your the first girl
thats made me feel
this awake
Ive got to
Let you
Know this
---


Friday, April 16, 2010

The things I do for food

Oh blasphemy, irreverence, apostasy.
Dont hate me for the following post . I really dont mean it.
but I do...
o_0

TOP 5 REASONS
Why Going to Sunday Mass beats Friday Night Bhajans

5. You dont miss rugby/cricket/soccer matches on Sunday morning
4. In mass, you actually get to sit on real chairs
3. Mass is held in English.. I understand English
2. Im not worried about losing my shoes at the doorstep, when I enter a church

and the number one reason being!!
*drum roll*

1. You get to do the sign of the cross!

---

sigh. you dont get it, people. the sign of the cross is that fun..
anyway..
---

The most important reason why I went for Bhajan
You dont need to be baptised to get free food

True story.
Peace.
=)

Monday, April 12, 2010

Last I asked for your advice

I realise now, what I miss most about being in St Pats and in TJ was having an identity, which was defined for me by other people.

An identity I embraced and cherished.

It was that spirit of peer-based endorsement, so loathed by the Fountainhead, that gave me some strange sorta purpose or joy in life.
Kay I take that back. Not purpose. But definitely a cheap thrill.

I dont know how or when it happened, but this concept of being mature or growing up has found a bad taste in my mouth, and new worries have started dominating my life.
One being money.
The other, most irritating of all, is girls.

This may start to sound cheesy, but I really doubt I ever had a problem with girls before. I was never the desperate sort. I was always comfortable either by myself or with someone else. If I fell for a girl, I generally fell for one, for long periods of time too. And even then it never really consumed my personal life, or who I was. There would also be random crushes, who I would joking gush about to my friends, or talk of, as an amusing opener into the topic of my romantic incompetence.

But suddenly I was in the army, and suddenly I was single. It was cool for a while, but the environment eventually got the better of me. I was forming new crushes, and just as efficiently forgetting them. With almost nothing else to look forward to, it was almost exhausting. I couldn't take it, not having anyone to share my life with. This sick obsession grew concurrently with another demonic desire, this sudden need to be "cool".

And the game went on. Clubbing. Looking for girls. Spending money on the most ridiculous of manners. It was fucking exhausting. And I couldnt keep this game up of trying to be what someone else wanted me to be.

I couldnt keep up. But it was still in me. This psychotic desperation, this quiet possibilities, whispers bouncing off mirrored walls, like a positive feedback loop, intensifying in agony and madness.

My best distractions were running and writing. But it was never enough. I tried photography, but even that wont do for the long run. Without getting to the root of the problem, I will always lapse in judgement to the beast, and drunk text messages will escape my rationality, like it did last weekend.

So if becoming despo is the symptom what then is the virus.
And I believe Gita might have caught the essence of it, though I doubt she would have realised.
Its loneliness.

If anything, loneliness and solitude is the cause of my current malady.
My need for friendship so gluttonously satisfied in St Patrick's and again in Temasek, kept me sane, and allowed me to admire beautiful girls, and fall in love (two mutually exclusive activities) at my own time and pace.
In all honesty, I was unpopular in the army. I never really fit in. I barely did in BMT, kinda got a better grasp of things in SISPEC, and then lost touch in OCS, and later on in my unit.
And really then, was it not during this time in my life, when companionships become so scarce that I worked doubly hard at finding the next best thing?

With this equation now worked out, in hand, for our disposal, the assumed next step is, how do we stop it?

Frankly my dear, I really dont know.
Its not like Im gonna go out of my way to make loads of friends. You cant force those things. I mean look at my time in the army. Some people just clique, while others dont. Sometimes you find your kind. Your soul sister, as Train might say. In my case, Im just gonna have to be natural and take things at their own time.
Well.. Tahan la. Tahan this slight period of loneliness. And keep my lapses of judgement in check.

I suppose some things are just beyond us. I suppose what I need to do, is remind myself, I am not ready for a relationship, and that what I REALLY want are my friends back. I miss them all, and I want them all back. I need that schedule in life, I need activities, I need my release outlets and most importantly I need my mates.

So wake up, now buddy. Its a new week. Lets start this life on the right foot.
You know what I mean.

Do your laundry, clean the dishes (even if its not yours! I know you hate it when other people dont! But relax.. it's all gonna be alright.. great Im talking to myself.. on my blog.. which really isnt that bad, when you think about it...anyway where was I? or right) write your essay, finish your poem, make lunch, go to facebook and wish people "Happy Birthday!", then stop procrastinating and mail out those letters to Soefie and Riane and Sara and everyone else you were supposed to keep in touch with. Be a true friend rishik.

Not some half fuck asshole, who only cares about himself.
Be a true proper friend and make yourself worthy.

You cant force anyone to fall in love with you.
But you can make yourself easier to fall in love with.
Yeap. Thank god for plastic surgery and alcohol.
..kidding kidding!

But on a different note. Ive gotta give up on this caffeine. And finish Salman Rushdie's Satanic Verses.

Thursday, April 08, 2010

down and out

Timbaland and Katy Perry
"If we ever meet again"

MTMG
"Kids"

---

Somethings get me down.
But somethings get me back up.

Like talking to rannald.
or my parents.

and im feeling better.


lifes not perfect but Im back from Melbourne and Canberra.
Im not home, but its as close as it gets.


God, I love my family.
How will I survive without them.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

shoe be do be do bob


To the tune of the chorus of Jay Brannan's 'Soda Shop'

Shoe be do be do bob
I over did it with the photoshop
Thanks for being my fan in
facebook and in deviantart.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

dream running

"we cant even see this start t0 stop
day and night we dream of living up"

----

Im dream running right now.
Do you understand?

not rushing
heart aint pacing
but im still running

this be a marathon, my love
no race of haste

Its hard work
but we make it happen
and when I say we, do I really mean me?
but thats too deep, yea whatever, i say
and so then, words stay, and we make it happen, I say

we make our dreams come true
we bring our plans to life
this is putting your money where your mouth is
this is the grey area between talk and walk
and its grey like the track
the tarmac
the surface of the city
where feats and feet take off
running

---

Pacing for Brisbane Twilight Half Marathon? Done
Surfing over the weekend? Done
Tickets to Melbourne and Canberra for easter? Bought
Taking photographs? Hell yeah
Cooking? Two dinners in a row
Reading? As Always
Writing? 8 poems concurrently in the works
Learning French? Next month
keeping in touch with people back home? I try

Im still lacking I can see, but dont think im not chasing
im chasing, and winning, right now, im dream running

"we cant ever see this start to stop
day and night we dream of living up"

----

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

doesnt that sound familiar

bff
by rishik

This aint a love letter
I aint in love with yer
And ive got half the mind
and all the time
to let this feeling slide
but just to make it clear
I need to let you hear,
my dear, (I'm so sincere)
"I need you by my side"

---

Sunday, February 21, 2010

girl, your stunning

staying positive.
certain words in uncertain times.

"Sir! the enemy has surrounded us on all fronts!!"
"excellent. We can attack them from any direction!"

"The weathers promises to get better"
"But its pouring!"
"Yeaa.. So it can only get better right?"

"Of course I'll have to mark you eventually; And it will have to be either 'pass', or 'yet to pass'."

-----
saturday mornings smell like love
promising new beginnings
meant for hot coffee and hotcakes
we dont know why we shower or shave
or smell extra pretty
then smile like happy secrets..
but we do so anyway.

-----

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Low tide


Ive been on a high, for the past 3 months. From October when I first started clearing my NS leave till today the tide has been rising.
Its been smooth sailing people.
but im not a sailor so I'll use another metaphor that hits closer to home.
Ive been kayaking with the current.
And Ive had nothing to complain about.

Of course in October when I went to Gold Coast for my sisters graduation it was utter relief. One of the best holidays of my life. The weather, Yuvadev, shopping, helping around the house, the bbq, surfers paradise, visiting griffiths and Bond. And not having a phone or any internet. I was free.

The next milestone I passed was my ORD. And of course the things that happened in that period.
Clearing out of camp.
Dharvin's House Party.
Piercing my eyebrow.
Changing my name officially.

And at the same time meeting my old friends. And writing. I grew to look forward to the Open Mic Sessions held every alternate friday at the Writers Centre. Same time, I didnt stop running.

Standard Charted was terribly slow for my own standards, and I know I could have cut that time by an hour. But I didnt care. I was happy. I was content and in love. Not with anyone. But with life.

December was the time of the Pathlight camp, and I swear I learnt so much from those two weeks. And I really do miss it. So much. The kids were incredible. To say the least.

There was kayaking. The courses and of course the leisurely paddles around pasir ris and sembawang.

And more parties. Vanessa's christmas party. My BBQ at edgewater. Kiran's farewell. Cousins gatherings at Jalan Kayu and Ang Mo Kio. And nights at O Bar with the guys.

I had no excuse to feel bored. ever. It was day after day of activity, exciting and interesting.
I never let myself rot.
I met friends from Temasek, St Pats. I went rock climbing, I cycled to Marina barrage.
I went jamming at Brandon's house, I played pool.
I watched great movies, Avatar, Sherlock Holmes, 3 Idiots.
I kept taking photographs. kept reading. I skated again for the first time in maybe 2 or 3 years?

While I admit I had my shortcomings. I never found a proper job. But I did apply to be a Pace Setter in the Brisbane Half Marathon and I got it. I also volunteered to adjudicate at TJ's U16 debate invitationals.

Its not like Ive totally neglected my self development. I suppose Ive been doing it in other artistic forms. Neil Gaiman, Lyrics from Lockdown, Can Change, Pink Kisses, Mango Dollies. And Ive also been going places Id normally never go. KL for holiday and a Basketball Match, Singapore Slingers vs KL dragons.

Its the 25th of Jan, and its 2.30 in the fucking morning and I cant sleep. But all this while, the time Ive spent up till now... It felt right.
Its been good, and it doesnt feel like its flown by. It feels blo
ody long ago to be honest. But it also feels well spent and productive.

But now. Right now. That the tides have changed, and I feel like Ive running out of time. Now that schools restarted and im almost out of cash. Im thinking and feeling.
How is THIS so different from being in camp?
THIS insomnia. and I have no one to call. THIS loneliness. THIS sadness. THIS hasnt changed one bit.
I may have left my uniform and my responsibilities.
But Im still a sad lonely boy who cant sleep at night, and is just stirring with restless emotion.

3 months have gone and Ive done a good job of distracting myself. Ive been happy and energized. But Im leaving Singapore this Friday. And the sad realization that maybe this is all life has left to offer me for January is unsettling. Is that really it for now? Am I going to leave without saying goodbye to so many people?
I guess I am. I was worried about this quite a while back.

then when I ORD things arnt gonna change. That my classmates would remain as distant as ever. We have grown too far apart, and there is nothing I can do to change that. and thats exactly how it is now.

Its Monday morning, and I cant sleep. I might as well be in camp. I have nothing to look forward to tomorrow. There is no one for me to talk to right now. Im simply not close enough to anyone online. And Im restless. Whats the big deal now. That I have my handphone by my side? So I know that no one is calling me? I might as well be in the army. Where solitude is norm, and misery is always on the look out for company.

Well, rishik, old boy. Lifes not all rainbows and butterflies. Next week, its gonna be a whole new ball game. So why not just call it quits for tonight. Quit while your ahead. and ready your ship for your next big adventure. Its right around the corner.

Saturday, January 02, 2010

if you wanna ride we ride.

links to youtube music videos.
Not a virus, but equally infectious.

---------------------------------------

Faking familiarity,
four weeks felt like
forever. falling for you.

Rock and Roll by Eric Hutchinson
Give you Hell by All American Rejects.

By the way, I have mastered the bass tabs for "dance inside".
Its gonna be a good year.

Ladies and Gentlemen. Its 2010.