so maybe its not my week after all

foolish young second lieut.

why must you start a fight

when your only just an NSF

and you already know that your right

is it worth the seven extra?

to let your pride retreat tonight

dont believe its wrong to be silent

its wise! why, some might say "polite"

hold your tongue now, good second lieut

we know your hearts alight

the time will come to let it go

but right now, its too damn tight

desire

a poem

by rishik menon

"have we met before?"

a plan sparkling in her eyes

teasing the world

her fingers curl

licked clean she exuberates

con fi dence

no she does not know

how her lips still smack

of chocolate.

sensual..

desire takes me

and I just wanna

cup the small of her arm

pull her in

and pass her

a packet

of tissue.

equivocate

There was this thingy on Facebook where you picked your top 5 indulgences.

so naturally i had to do it.

1. taking long hot showers

2. sleeping during lectures

3. rolling around in bed

4. chocolate chip cookie dough

5. joking/lying and forgetting to clarify that i was kidding

----

Being the dictionary.com sell-out I am, i present to you:

EQUIVOCATE!

equivocate \ih-KWIV-uh-kayt\, intransitive verb:

To be deliberately ambiguous or unclear in order to mislead or to avoid committing oneself to anything definite

...i love to equivocate.

But there are a few things id like to make clear.

Singing in the Rain IS my favourite song.

And this is a pretty damn awesome video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1q98m7qJ8g

----

Sucha sucker for romance

..

My favourite movies of post A level 2007.

"Stardust"

"Enchanted"

to think those times are over.

--

48 hours of rest is required after working out.

1 week to my driving test.

10 weeks to the standard charted marathon.

fast forward

fast forward.

i wanna start my day running. 5 am. in the dark, in the quiet calm.

i wanna sweat and pant and feel exhausted and detoxicated.

i wanna shower. and then have breakfast.

its a new day. i wont let my my past regret its future.

i wanna stay awake.

fast forward.

i wanna run an errand. be punctual if not early.

perform favours without obligations or habit.

i wanna know that i have time to kill.

and my weapon of choice is a paperback fiction novel,

or better yet the morning comics. dilbert. get fuzzy. zits.

i wanna feel lucky, even as i test my patience.

fast forward.

i wanna work. i want independence and purpose.

fast forward. i wanna perform. i wanna know that i excel.

fast forward. i wanna be rewarded. with words and praise and hugs.

fast forward. i wanna lead. i wanna feel my own destiny in my hands.

wrap up.

i wanna go home. i wanna go out to friends and society.

healthy pace. a light dinner. time to inflect and walk.

sharing my life. my stories. taking in someone else's. alert.

i wanna stay awake. i wanna pamper my body.

with another shower. and rest.

playing out.

a slow dwindling of energy. watching documentries or talk shows.

absorbing the world of people around me.

and exerting enough energy to maintain. clean. and wash.

fast forward.

i'll have to sleep. because what i want. is to stay awake.

weightless

manage me, im a mess

make believe, that i impress

I cant believe it myself. Its september.

September October.

Its time.

Sharpen. Refine.

I hit a new personal best of 19minutes for 5km.

I went for open mic last night.

1 star kayaking course is through.

Anberlin were amazing!!

Driving test in 3 weeks time.

Sigh.

But what I really want.

Is someone to talk to.

I want a woman to sit me down and tell me ten things I didnt already know and make me buy 12 things i never believed in, in the first place. I want a conversation, I want a good long story. Please, someone to make me laugh and bring me for a walk just so she can trip me over and make me fall into a trap or a prank or plot of common interest and life. not just a presumed overlap of social circle and understanding of pop culture references and personal banter, i want to be in formal introduction and touch your hand for a brief shake, if nothing else for tonight. I want to start from the beginning I want to shed all pretence, i want a reader i want a listener i want a talker i want her.. to be free from cynism for a change, be opinionated and open minded at the same time, where are you oh if you exist, and why dont you come on over and talk to me about your family and life and exams and plans and dreams and hands. im dying to listen, and not manipulate the conversation into a topic im comfortable with. no i want you to find me in as clean and clear as a state as I wish to be found. hungry and passionate for that someone for that argument. i want her to tell me Im wrong, in a way that Id actually believe it. I dont expect her to bump my fist in telepathic cammarederie. Im expecting and hoping for nervous laughter and reserve thats not restraining. and all the hope for the future wide open, without any preconceived notion and assumption of either music or silence.

and thats pretty much what I currently want.

ah well..

we dont always get what we want.

at least i had my apple crumble.

and I have my family.

=)