Say what you want, The Moffats will ALWAYS be cool

Id like to think im a changed man.
Now heres a good question. from what to what??

---
the happy wine drunk new year song
by Menon, Rishik



Im sorry
is this a
bad time to call


It just struck me
that no one really
knew me at all


like cold morning
showers on the
first school day


like waiting 2 long
hours to
"im on my way"s


no regrets
second thoughts
crossed my mind back then


nothing good of me
can be said of
in the past tense


broken glasses
trust and promises
and debts i planed not to pay


i couldhave heped it
but I never tried to
change my ways


This is the song of looking back
and wishing bout all that I would have liked to do instead
This is the song about screwing up
and thinking and looking at all the moments I could have made it stop
This is the song before i get too old
and if the truth be told...
that all I ever learnt from school, was the moonwalk.
oooooh ooh, ooh ooooh oohhh wheeeee
yeaaa~

remember
those nights we got too high
for school

never meant it
when I said how much
"i love you"


overslept the
finals after
we got that far

didnt think it was
that important, sorry
I laughed so hard

hurt a flower
ran a redlight
maybe lost a heart

i cant count
of all the mischief did
in the dark

why didnt i pay
more attention during
tamil class


maybe then id
known how to say
"dont go, i wouldnt last


a minute...
without you in my life..."
oh fucking hell why..?


this is the song of letting people down
so this is when i sing it, when they arnt around
this is the song about falling short
for every reason to do with giving up
I sing this song before i get too old
so that the truth be told
that all I ever learnt from home, was to stargaze
lar de daar de daar, dar de daar de daar, ohhh,
woaah


pre-enlistment day
what a whole
bag of lies

didnt get me far
but still the shame
i even tried

everyman
for his own, was how I
thought it should be

by acting blur
I lived longer, stealing
the night snacks for free

played by
our own terms
ignoring calls to "endure"

never owning up
half left down
100 counts of 4

I wished i burnt
all my bridges before
i started my run


then i wouldnt have
to see the damage
that id done.

this is the song of the mistakes I made
and wanting to make amends now thats its just too late
this is the song of how I messed things up
a dozen more scenes from the movie of my life to be cut
This is the song before i get too old
and if the truth be told...
that all I ever learnt from camp, was to mark time
left right left right, left right, right right, left right left right

sing this song one more time!


This is the song about past regrets
the whole life thrown to waste by the words i said
This is the song of all that I cant take back
this is realizing too late, i lost all i could have had

its the same damn scene, set in a different dream
its all my time spent pulling at the threads of a seam
its exhausting every salvation that i have left to list
its the life lived teetering on the rim of a wish

This is the song about past regrets
This is the song
about past regrets.
and all I ever learnt from life...
and all I ever learnt from life is all that I dont know.

--



nothing good i ever did can be said of in the past tense

Out.

yeshunadar prenthanaal

Am i afraid of growing old?
Yes. But not as much as I am afraid of being displaced by my own time.

--
poem in progress
by Rishik Vijayadas Menon

the red eyed hiker
he is the poet in chains
not like he likes her
just needs some muse to abate


his teeth's on fire
from the lies he contains
sincere perjurer
finds that he's nothing to say

irreverential
to the roads and the streets
mounting potential
he'd rather die on his feet

-

been deceived by a lot of movies lately.





For example Madagascar 2! Here I was thinking that it was a pretty lame cartoon sequel to a lame cartoon movie ive never even watched before.



But in reality, all it actually was, was a dance movie. It was "step up" it was 'Billy Elliot", it was all that. a plain and simple cool dance movie, about following your dreams and doing what you believe in.



Okay, and yeaah, it was fucking hilarious and witty too. Jokes were flying at you every second, there simply wasnt a moment for you to let your guard down and stop thinking. Ridiculous jokes(The Shark skipping across africa), witty jokes ("can it fly?") satirical jokes ("Stop him! he has a pair of scissors and handcream!") jokes refrencing other movies ("Id like to kiss you monkey man") slapstick jokes (the old lady) Shrek-like jokes (The mother lion squishing the glow worm) anticlimatic jokes ("how does he do that!" while Alex is dancing) the list just keeps going on. Every moment, regardless of climax or mood of the story, the jokes keep coming. Yes, was soo fucking worth my 10 bucks. and id like to mail in another 10 bucks to them, just so they feel loved.

Another movie i was deceived by was yes-man. Once again, I was thinking it was a typical jim carrey, funny facial expression, funny unreal magical situation movie.

But its cool, cause it really wasnt that at all. Was really a romantic comedy in many ways.

And it felt really sweet at some points, over and above the ridiculous jim-carrey-stealing-the-show-with-his-voice-and-facial-gymnastics portions. yeaps. was genuinely an overall good show, that wasnt too excessive. Especially loved the part where he tries to get her back and she goes "why dont you just go jump off a bridge".
The transition was priceless, and heart wrenching.
Beautiful directing.

--

The Killers' "All these things thats Ive done"

"Yeaaa. oh dont you put me on the back, Burrr-neer~"


-

Merry christmas. Goodnight.

Ill take the frame if its free

So now everyone knows how unsafe and dangerous the Singapore Flyer is, I kinda wonder
if maybe the attraction for it would go up?? You know. Like cause now it has this edgy, "wild"
factor about it?

"Hey guys, where you gonna go this weekend?"
"Oh you know. nothing much man.. just gonna take a little ride.. on a little thing called...
THE SINGAPORE FLYER! BOO YEAA!!"
"FO SHIZ!!"
"DAMN RIGHT BIATCH!" *brushes shoulder and walks off in cool gangsta style*
"Daang.. That kid got balls!"

--
Dont ask me why their talking like that in Singapore.
I mean like gosh. Its just a hypothetical situation. Get Over Yourself, will you?
*rolls eyes*

--
Dont ask me why I just rolled my eyes or spoke like that.
No seriously.. Dont...

--
Anyways, since its Christmas, the season of presents(dont hate me!) Ive come up with my own personal wishlist! wheee~ whatajoy it is to copy everyother blogger in the world.

But this list shall have a difference! In this list, you shall never see the presents I receive
ever get crossed out! Never! Oh yeaa...
So here we go.


Driving licence.. for the ladies...
New pair of jeans...for the eh ladies??
Air humidifier...in some indirect way, yeaa...for the ladies...
iPod Nano 8gig...totally for the ladies..hmm..
Muse Live in Concert DVD...kinda for the ladies???
A new cabinet to keep all my CDs and DVDs... ...
Wall Clock...kay this is just not working.

--
Forecast for next year.

So gonna try NYAA Gold again. This time. Will be the last time. By Mae.
and signed up for the Adidas Sundown Marathon.
Learna new language? Give tuition? Doubt it.
Go on a holiday?... Can only pray.

--
dont know much about biology, geography and the jonas brothers.
but anyways, here there are, in a screen in front of your face
with a song called "love bug".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PZ1Wh0jV-E

--
So merry christmas. Im Out.

and we'll call it a vertical carousel! since ferris wheel, just aint cool

its been a good week. oh yeaah. its been good.

ran 20 click? Check.

went cable skiing? Check.

watched singin in the rain? Check.

finished sense and sensibility? ehh..

Not quite check yet, but soon enough.

haha.

haha. yeaps. and of course meeting all my beautiful wonderful friends and family.

classmates, coursemates, schoolmates, section mates, best mates.

its a good world.

god i love block leave.

and to make things better i discover this really cool inspirational song.

"handlebars by flobots"

.

such an epic song.

only thing is, im scared to watch the music video on youtube,

cause im afraid the video wont live up to my expectations.

and i really like it JUST the way it is. All in my mind. =)

so since i aint gonna give a link to youtube. I present my latest discovery of the internet-

FREE ONLINE RADIO!!! WHOHOAA!!

okay fine...

maybe not so latest discovery.

but its been awhile since i used it.

anyways, heres the link.

http://www.jango.com/music/Flobots?l=0

I think you need to seach "handlebars" yourself. ah well.

goodngiht.

--

"Just called to say its good to be

alive. in a small world."

Out.

did you say haiku or sudoku?

Lemonade Thought Processes (The cloudier the better)
by Rishik Vijayadas Menon

Spake Ferdinand

And so to show
my great affection for her
for what a great friend she
has been to me
I shall pay her the ultimate compliment
and lead her on
so as to raise her self esteem
and make her feel
she is worth the fight.

Spake Romeo

And so to express
my boundless reverence
and respect for the lady
I shall offer her the pinacle gift
of being free from my due
and brush her off, in so cold
and heartless a manner,
all love for me shall dwindle
and thus, sooner will she be able
to move on with her precious life.

And Finally Spake Ms Swan

Say what you mean
and mean what you say!

the good practice, the good rain

this was a nice weekend. really starting to like this. i think i can get used to this.

shit.
curse of the jinx.
should I have said that?
haha.

things always make a turn,
once you admit how you wished
they'd stay.


but maybe... if even for awhile,
it means "I think Id stay???"

and by that I mean
Im choosing to
Not Understand Secret Languages And Words.

hmmm. how cryptic. =\
how clear as cherryade.
..

sweet pizza, movies and ice cream. How great are my friends.
i know they'll never reject me if they could help it.

unlike those stupid blood donation people.
low blood pressure, whatever. its all an excuse. all i know is this
they suck! (pun!)

hahahah. kay that was bad. but it felt soo good.. haha. sigh..

..

been thinking about songs recently.
and it just struck me how much I didnt respect 'Teardrops on my guitar'.
I mean gosh. if your trying to get a guy to fall for you or anything
DONT use that song. please. such ugly lyrics its a turn off. I sswear.
unless your good looking (in which case you wouldnt even need to use a song)
it is soo not gonna work.


yes i actually do think about these kind of things during camp.
who ever said NS doesnt stimulate your mind? haha.


anyway i dont know if i already said this or not,
but 'fugitive pieces' by Anne Michaels has hit the top 5 of my all time favourite books.
utter poetry. i swear. its soul therapy just reading it.
.
so now before i go rush off and pack/eat/clean
gonna have a crack at finishing this poem.

each letter became the unwitting sonnet
by Rishik Vijayadas Menon

the red eyed hiker
he is the poet in chains
not like he likes her
just needs some muse to abate

his teeth's on fire
from the lies he contains
the sincere perjurer
has no one to point him his way

---
hmm. dont really like it so i deleted the second half. ah what the heck. no one said you cant edit or change something once its written.


..


a quote from my buddy, ill never forget

"I also dont know why I run so fast. I think its cause I used to play catching when I was younger"

..

a brand new perspective on staying up late, and oversleeping.

"who needs moderation? Your body will do it for you!" =D



--

and with that, Im off!

I am the patron saint of lost causes

I think life has somehow always been good to me.
But right now its not as magical as it once was.
This reality of it all has become quite tiring and old.
But im not gonna let that spoil it for me.
Think I just need to hold on.
hold out.
something bigs gonna happen soon.
something good.
i just know it.


waiting in the wings.

its good to talk.
its good to swim.
its great to get a good afternoon nap.



sigh. so grateful I can rely on my aunts.
them and Spersallerg. Antazoline and Tetryzoline.
=)

polar bears can swim

need more redoxon...

--

i like my coffee tarik. not stirred..


..
False Reason I Go Gym
by Rishik Vijayadas Menon


ive sobered up
yet youve overdone this
understatement
letting me
lose communication
like the coverage
got on an island
out at sea.
I couldnt see
your beauty coming
with painted toe nails
so red as herring
its disarmed
my guard and bearing
till im lost
to your regard


my act is clean
of all past vices
the smoke and mirror
of rolling dices
that divide
senses of
rightness
of what feels right
and what feels right
then poison me
your belated gladness
makes me wish
upon maps and calendars
that ill be right
there to find you
when i need to
without haste.

so maybe
could you
ask me
if im
free enough
to stay...
just dont
please dont
let it be
a friday


--

Frigg is the Goddess of Friday.
damn, im obsessed with norse mythology.

---

so wow. three more weeks. damn.
but anyway, im feeling kinda good about one thing.
slowly gaining back my self-respect.
going running.
reading.
making it a point to meet my friends.
making time for myself to write.
going to the gym.
completing (nearly!) the CAAS application.
doing work.
running errands.
rinsing my mouth with listrine twice a day.
haha.
yeaah. its these little things i do
these acts of regimentation
and otherwise unnatural discipline
that boost my self confidence.


maybe things are gonna change? for the better. haha.

Dismantle and repair by Anberlin.

..
gonna miss my parents the next three weeks. sigh.
anyway, im off.


night!



yeaps. singapore is beautiful...
or at the very least pasir ris.

hell with the fact that the nearest bus stop is nearly a twenty minute walk away.
the beach is five minutes. the park is three.


and thats what matters, doesnt it?

Not getting the whole black white and orange facebook photo thing

`Just a casual casual easy thing~`
Bohemian Like You By the Dandy Warhols

=)

---


Odd to be home on a weekday. But here i am.


--

AND NOW I AM SHOCKED! And somewhat outraged. TODAY, about a week after i completed my last song "Between two legs of the race", I just watched a recent lisanova video called Virgin Epilogue (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lv6kDkIjAto). and just guess what's the lyrics for the background music!!??

Epilogue by Shape of The Earth
"I cant let you down
I wont let you down
Im sorry that I dont have a way
to make it easier each day"

---
Gah! I know the chances of finding another song with such similar lines are about as likely as finding a menon in kerala. Just frustrating that I had to find it so soon after writing my own.

but now im over being bitter about that song, (or more likely im done comforting myself that mine is still somewhat unique) I must say I really like this guy. "Shape of The Earth.

Check out Audible Scribble on his myspace account. Awesome stuff. http://www.myspace.com/theshapeoftheearth

---


kay kay kay.
just gonna go sleep now. long day ahead.

--

Avenue Q on sunday.
Its my Life on 29th (hopefully).

~ohhh, whataway to speend my oct pay~ (wayang!)

--

Im off!

Would Bucky Kat endorse Kickapoo Joy Juice?

The next song is a little something i wrote about growing up.

...or maybe its about the army. or a love song. or maybe a really obscure political protest.

--
Between two legs of the race
By Rishik Menon


Im hanging
not by a thread
3/4 inch manilla
thats cutting at my neck.

Feeling so tied down
wishing I was free
hows the luck thats got me this far
finally run out on me?

Its a new day
of having no decisions
shedding my responsibilities
through tracheal laceration

Maybe I could wait it out
Maybe Im a tree
but my state of mind is so refined
hey look! I think Ive got company!


Oh che-chi! Dont wanna go crazy, but
helicopters and velociraptors
are zeroing in on me!
I know you'll never let me down
but putting this in context

whoo is gonna let me down?


I know, I need to let go
that was some time ago
before my hand was holding yours
as you dangled out the window.

So sad we had to graduate
move up a class, and now your late
hanging in between
before the start of the next leg

Hanging out with memories
images and melodies
I once was blind but now I see
See Something Coming After Me!


Oh che-chi! I think im going crazy
I see pterodactyls, hovercrafts
circling a-round me!
I know you'll never let me down
But right here, right now

whoo is gonna let me down?


Told me I should hang loose
so I kicked off my shoes
lean back and felt myself
get lifted off of my feet

Harder you fall down
higher you bounce, but
the problem is Im landing
3 feet short of the ground.

Id reach out for the
backup plan if only
somebody could
help me untie my hands

Hallucination fluctuation
Its the merry month of may?
unclear enough to be quite sure
that this is simply not my day!


Oh che-chi! I know im going crazy
cause now snowmobiles and crocodiles
are casting their aim on me
I know you'll never let me down
But I need to know now

whoo is gonna let me down?

who is gonna let me down!?
will anybody let me down?
Been a while since Ive been let down
why not just let me down
at least I'll know someones around...


Oh che-chi! I know im going crazy
helicopters and velociraptors
are flocking towards me
I know you'll never let me down
But I need to know now
Yes I need to know now!

who is gonna let me down!

--------------------------------------------

Some thoughts

....

Lisanova is a great actress.

--

"I can fake it if I have to" Dashboard, Thick as Thieves

--
5 weeks to commission. 1 year to ORD.

---

"Im feeling bohemian like you" danny warhols

dammit im hungry. ciao.

i overdid it at the soda shop. junkies dilema #63

would one consider this a poem. i dunno. hmmm


your voice turned silence silver
and your stops for breathe turned it back to gold

---


soda shop by Jay Branan


--

Burn after Reading?
Damn heckuva smart movie.
Spoof like no other on the genre of conspiracy and mystery.
Loving it.
--

Trainspotting is a smart book for that matter too.
Just understanding the language is a little tough initially.
If yer ken wha er mean.
Its exactly like what the review said.
Punk grown up, grown mature, grown eloquent, grown smart.

--

best memory from Taiwan?
Running up the mountain top during R & R.
Running into the clouds.

--

Kay then. im out of here.
time online gives me the feeling the world doesnt revolve around me.
which is clearly a lie of course.


gnight. =)

hey hey september

(Not) for all her reason and beauty
by rishik V. menon



Misleading laughter-
thats the hopeless way in which
she starts my day away
racing my hopes against
my reason
so seasoned;
its relatively paced


now needless banter-
has become the order at
the hour of my escape
stalling my lead, her words
like fire
out manoeurv-
ing the bend I hoped to take


guard slipping
in spite of myself
I catch my thoughts claim...
"in any other time or place"

.

expectationless
of my so called chances, from her advances,
I fear this course may change
ignite liaisons
emotions
rope breaks burn into a fray


head first disaster's
my new middle name
and social faux pas becomes a game
to me
I play it anything but cool
with her,
and rush of blur
was not what i planned to see

so clear my
guards slipping
in spite of myself
I catch my thoughts claim...
un-innocent excuses
which i dont need to believe...
"in any other time or place"
---

the best birthday memories of my life.

My sister giving me a drive around pasir ris heights.
Soefie buying me milo dinosaur, and having lunch with my class outside TJ. And eating Suji.

Ive got this one covered

off for taiwan tomorrow.





for some reason im thinking bout gar goei. and mr bala. and kiran and aiysha. and ziko.





grateful for the life ive lived? no doubt.

but troubled by how im living it these days.





am i not cool enough
for your rock and roll
could i say something smarter then?
learn a few big words
or cut this voluble streak
even as i stutter
its feeling much too weak
such so, its feeling pointless
and if I just aint funny
and Im just too weird
my hopes are too damn large
for luck to pull me through
its sure not fair to say
that seems like im left hanging

but how can I not say.
that now im simply
hanging...



---

coffee by copeland is a great song.

and my current favourite book remains Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrel.

God of Small Things does come a close second though.

R is for restlessness. revolution. red eyes. Rickshaws.

Hearing about the cancellation of the talk on tamil in the speakers corner is one of those things that just gets me mad. It was something I really wanted to go for, had book out time permitted. And now im mad.








And this is not simply for the sake of argument, or because Im an advocate of free speach. But because the issue itself is something I agree with, and speaks to my heart.








I mean just how ridiculous is that. That we have signboards in singapore. Which have three out of 4 of our national languages. and a fourth language, Japanese. Does anyone else see this as a huge joke. Im driving down the ECP, I see a bigass brown sign, for tourist attractions like the Changi Chapel and Museum. There it is. In English. Chinese. Malay. Japanese. Ahhh. Right. Of course. That about effectively covers every major language speaking group in Singapore. I mean. Fair enough you might get more Japanese tourists visiting the chapel than Tamil-speakers. But really. Am i missing something out?? Cause your still putting Chinese and Malay. And so I REALLY want to know... is there ANY basis for believing that you'll get more malay or chinese speaking visitors than tamil-speakers? REALLY??








but its not that, that got me mad. Its the fact that the rally about it, (just a fucking talk, a chance for discourse and discussion, a time to share and understand and hear more viewpoints) was cancelled! on what grounds?? I really dont know. Didnt read yesterdays paper. But it had somethign to do with race.





And just how racists is that.





That they believe only Indians care about this gross inconsistency in the treatment of tamil.


That this is going to build up racial hostility??


Maybe, just maybe, other races too care about such matters.


Dont underestimate chinese, eurasians and malays.


Maybe they too care about our lack of consideration for one of our four official languages.


Maybe they too wonder and wish to discuss the fact that tamil is only an official language


as a fucking token gesture.





So just why is this a matter of race? How is this going to build up racial hostility??


I mean, hey hey hey. after all. its only the speakers corner. Its just people coming together to talk about an issue.


Unless you really feel that the reasons to feel suppressed are genuine. That there is reason to be concerned, that the Tamils of Singapore may find a case strong enough to rally together against the government. So is that it then? Do you agree that there IS reason to be concerned??





Cause thats the whole point of free speach. You have nothing to hide or fear, let it be discussed. And if there is something valid, then let it be addressed.





Sickening.








And then what made me really sad (after being mad) was reading this article today.





I was sad cause it came from an indian. That he agreed that the speech should not have taken place. Of course I dont expect all Indians to agree with the need for free speach. But the fact that this was the article that the straits times chose to publish just dissapointed me.
I expected more from Singapore.
I expected too much.


How did this happen?


And I spend so little of my time outside camp. But when I do come out this is what I read.

People praising the police for banning a perfectly reasonable talk on the Tamil language in singapore.
The police justifying why the WP may not organise cycling events but the PAP may.
So called reform about laws on political films, allowing 6 filsm, but with certain filsm suchs as "Singapore Rebel" being starkly missing.


I mean dammit.

Its no reason why people enjoy being apathetic. It means not having to deal with all this bullshit, and just ignoring it... But its my city too, and I intend to make a difference.


I dont want this to always be about bread and butter. I need some basic rights and freedoms to be upheld as well.

....


and now to restore your faith in the world, a lovely little video I chanced upon.







http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5BxymuiAxQ



. I do love this world. Just cant believe things take this long to change.

bodies decompossing in a container tonight

"with 15 cans of spray paint in a chemical swirl. "





long weekend. of sorts. And i appreciate it. mmmm.











had a nice talk with nigel (tan) the other day. dammit.


the flesh may age, but fucking hell, the spirit never dies.


I need to breathe more of that youth in. cant let my dreams just die down.








not just like that. not without a fucking fight.








cause being a realist doesnt mean you cant be hopeful.





----








leaving for taiwan next friday. Anna's returning to Singapore tomorrow.


claire's leaving for UK tomorrow.





http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rfz6QGmuvp4





---


you know what itslike. being in one of the government holiday chalets, right at the treshold of the jungle vegetation; the orchestra of insects start and rise with the night fall. so near, yet so far. like a zoo, still protected, but not quite, as you scratch the itch from a mosquito bite on your knuckle.





your there, but not quite. like sitting in an air conditioned car, cruising down the ECP, with the sun beating into your eyes. There, but not quite. nothing about the experience speaks to you about how humid you know its going to be the minute you leave the car. there but not quite, you know that these structures of denial are what makes you know your home.





forever sheltered. Those glass and metal buildings that look out into the city of other shiny glass and metal buildings, as the rain breaks its fall into its face. Not wanting to prolong its already powerless charge any longer.





always at the mercy to the environment. yet. never quite. i know youve felt it too. your there. but not quite.





and maybe its better that way.


--




"can you smell the storm coming??"

as powerful as a duck up an engine

some short poems ive been working on

---



He was
self righteous and defensive
such so
that he smacked the
aid who wanted to
do away with
harmless ants on the
stone table top.
when he found the troops
,later that day,
advancing into his bed
his swipe was as swift
as the judgements he
would pass in his heart.
how dare they...
imply he left food crumbs
for them to come after.
There Were No Food Crumbs
on the bed.
he was sure he dusted them off
this morning.


---
blowing bubbles
sitting on the roof
three thoughts floated across my mind.
1. would the tiles I sit on crack
2. why do i worry about what people think of me
3. will the ghost of the dead bubble ever reach the moon?


---
on some nights I see the real moon, in
national geographical glory
full with its crystal crater clarity
as a poster could have shown without doubt.
but the moon needs its off days too.
and thats when I see her


That naked orb, that light in the sky,
and oh how i could pluck it into my mouth
and taste those edges, as a coin,
almost 2-dimensional crispness.
orange or white
she is sexy with confidence
and bold revealing colours
tells me she's aware of my presence.
so she toys, maybe winks, a typical female,
she plays coy, giggling behind
transiting clouds that
serve her purpose
of making me stare
all the harder
at that
temp-orary
light.


and i wonder
if just maybe
what I truly desire
may simply be
another shadowless reflection.

---

and so
as if a challenge
to my perfect eyesight
the club rallied its lights
in a final neut
which skipped heart beats
by half beats
and i, disoriented,
conceded to the sight
of my feet
dischorded and undone
left foot over
then under right
and back...I lost
not my footing, but control
and so in such
disturbing terms and conditions
did I do the dance called

The Shuffle

---


still got a few more id like to share. but lets not over do it, shall we?

---

and so i have a new camera. =)

--

"I fear I wont see surprise. That Im not doubling back now"

Jason Mraz

"So why's you say Hallelujah?? If it means nothing to yaa??"
Damien Rice, Delicate

swedish firecrackers

Whooo! I have finally bought the soundtrack for littlemiss sunshine. and ilove it. =D

And ive been meaning to say this forawhile, but it always seemed to have slipped my mind when i come online. but anyway, i really think that Brewster Rockit: Space Guy! Is unbelievably funny. it is the simpsons of the comic world. yes. thats how hilarious i find it. haha.

i loved the way it rained today. was so refreshing.

anyways im off for dinner now.

the thing about writing is, you need to keep doing it.

it has to become a practice. a habit.

and once you fall out of it, you need discipline to bring yourself back.

but thats why its called commitment. the dedication and discipline to work against the gravity.

i wanna run a half marathon by the end of the year.

so with that, im offff.........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzSpPaCIG0g

joesnuff the choob

"ENTPs are idea people. Their perceptive abilities cause them to see possibilities everywhere. They get excited and enthusiastic about their ideas, and are able to spread their enthusiasm to others. In this way, they get the support that
they need to fulfill their visions"
- Portrait of an ENTP (The Personality Page)



"It is so natural for these individuals to practice devising gadgets and mechanisms, that they start doing it even as young children. And they get such a kick out of it that they really never stop exercising their inventive bent"
- The Portrait of the Inventor Rational (Keirsey)



"ENTPs are usually verbally as well as cerebrally quick, and generally love to argue--both for its own sake, and to show off their often-impressive skills... argument as a sport."
- ENTP Profile (TypeLogic)



"ENTPs contribute an innovative, versatile, and enterprising approach to work. They view limitations as challenges to be overcome and look for new ways to do things. They need to find a niche for themselves in order to be free to maneuver. They prefer the start-up phase of a project rather than the followthrough or maintenance phase. Once the project is designed, they prefer to turn it over to someone else."
- ENTP - The Innovator (Lifexplore)



"...attention seeking, experience junky, insensitive, adaptable, not easily offended, messy, carefree, dangerous, fearless, careless..."
- Jung Type Descriptions (ENTP) (similarminds.com)


something about the last quote really caught my attention...

pretty surprised how somewhat accurate this is.
considering how unhappy i was feeling with the kinda questions the quiz was asking and my difficulty in choosing a single answer.

but yeaah. wow.


this is really a preeety not bad personality test.

jungle warfare

un-consequences of the ill-disciplined
by Rishik Vijayadas Menon


feelings change
faster than the weather and
my mind is making a mess of things


my eyes
betray next to nothing when
my words are stumbling into abyss


guitar
ensembles that im never at
somehow i feel they dont know im not there


slow cooking
dishes just hold me back
its never a problem if we have to wait


late work
conduces bad decisions so
im taking time off to read your mind


wild flowers
find their space between the cracks
beauty is never ever out of line


music
the rhythm takes me over till
theres no need to think twice about the words


this drama
stage is so empty yet
id like to think of just what might be


paint strokes
make textures that ive never felt
please dont you hide it behind any pane


long walks
induce me into poetry
you make it sound like its a bad thing


piercings
are reasons for my jealousy
how is it that metal's allowed to get so close


fire flies
are dancing uncontrollably
those lights arnt stars, but you dont have to know


mixed drinks
are more than what we bargained for
I hope you realise just how much you steal


darts fly
and barely miss the billard score
lets make a move before we're made to pay


darkrooms
processing films never been seen
why not, just let things develop while they can


your art is
larger than a movie screen
so hard to catch it wherever it ran


a sea change
of feelings and lack thereof
my guilt is making a mess of this


i could
pretend that you were never there
I could admit that it was you that I miss

hearts have no doors...

was eating hokkien mee tonight at the hawker when i thought to myself...


just why was it that it was only in the last three years i became so much more open to eating more variety?
I mean honestly.
if you knew me as a kid, anyone would tell you i was picky with a capital Brat. Yeah. Wow. Thinking back, I cant stand the memory of myself. I wanna slap me. =S
Okay, anyway, now im just diverting.


so anyways. I just thought up this theory (excuse? =P) of why kids are more picky when their younger. its cause going out to eat is a much much more rare occasion that they cant risk having it spoilt by bad food choices, i.e. kenneth kee style. whereas the older you get, the less of a privilidge and luxury does eating out become; it is then that it becomes worth the risk to adventure with new food and food joints.


haha. rights.

anyways. since you cant find the lyrics online i decided to go through the pains to type it out myself. haha. plus, i realised i never really listened to the lyrics completely. so yeaps. presenting...

"Become" by Acid Kindergarten

(intro)

You said I was wrong
well i wont just stand there
and leave you out again
Hes nowhere to be found and
i know that he must
be with his other friends

That heart broken (OR that hot broke kid)
yes manly yes though
scarcely other men (OR scares the other men)
a victim of van in threads (???!!!)
does sing that this must take us forever

(bridge)
complications
agitations
its all seen a loss of communication
and now im lost
your searching (for)
somebody like me


(Chorus)
being grown up is such a wasteful thing
when you dont plan tomorrow
you will never know
what you could have seen

being grown up is such a wasteful thing
ignoring the ones you loove
you could never tell
you are driving me insane

(guitar solo)

me and you (OR remember) ... (this part was damn muffled la. i swear.)
when we were young
dont forget
these things are only meant
for the other kids
and that beside a frowd (OR an-epi-cider-frou-d)
we'll take it
to rob a lease end far away (OR to rob a lee son far away)

my loves all taken
by a lovely girl at gogo
and if you wish to see her
you got to pass me through

(bridge)

(Chorus)

(Guitar and bass solo)

being grown up is such a wasteful thing
when you dont plan tomorrow
you will never know
what you could have seen

being grown up is such a wasteful thing
ignoring everybody!
you could never tell
you are driving me -

(Chorus)

--


Okay.. so deciphering those lyrics were harder than i initially thought it would be...
hmmm.. oh well..

anyways. im offf.

at long last

I know im alittle late on the news.






which is why i intend on keeping my comments short and simple.


There is a champion.
His name is Rafael Nadal.

----


Anyways ill finish this once im back. off to dinner now.

its ritten in the staRs~!

"Actually in navigation, there is only one important thing that will keep you from getting lost. Does anyone know what that is?"

"eh... experience?"

"What! So what does that mean for you!? You have no experience! You mean to say its pre- destined then? Its fate for you to get lost??!"


---


'Inevitable'
by Rishik Menon


Its written in the stars!
(and just maybe)
my work here
is a little too late
(for you)
salvation
is just another farce
(there is)
no azimuth
to help you navigate
(a path)
out of your
condition




your looking for a sign!
(some kind of benchmark)
to keep your
altitude in check
(over)
terrain so featureless
they lack even lines
(now palms)
cant save you
from a coming wreck
(red threads promise)
inevitable


Its against all odds
(to plot out)
this intersection
to pin point any place
(or even)
a reference
like a dance with the gods
(which leaves you)
in a limbo
without a change in pace
(your sinking)
like a cannonball


But your lost in skies
as cloud sails fly
and you hoist your life
in the rain
and it reads so damn
inevitable
that she should go
mad

---


Driving Lessons is a lovely movie.

..

And the first chapter of my novel is taking incredibly long...
I need to press on. cant keep getting distracted by new ideas and thoughts... nope...must focus...


---

anyway..

Jason Mraz's "Im Yours"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QedgzsjouXU&feature=related

as powerful as always

--

anyways im gonna get back to reading "5 is the perfect number".


Out!

one year six months ago i know...

Retribution for the Philosopher Kings
by Rishik


Its a phase im going through
where I question what is true
where I wonder
if the space
goes on forever
to the blue


Its a matter of the soul
its a question of the whole
and we take it
that such ideas
just cant make it
past the fold


I may not be the
best in the business
but I sure as hell
do give my all
and I aint ashamed
to try and hide it


and if those are the words of the song
then those words cant be wrong!



I just do just as Im told
im not afraid of growing old
im just frightened
i cant stay sober
as I lighten
up my load


I pursue these changing trends
My thoughts have cycled onto ends
my minds so open
im just concerned
i cant contain 'em
now and again

I may not be the best in the business
but I sure do keep on fighting
as i never doubt if im not worth it


and if the content of the lyrics just aint true
i'll contextualise it for you!


Its a journey to the end
its a poem of a man
whats surprising
is his writing
is the product
of a land


Its as personal as it gets
from the anonymous wits
who wax lyrical
vaguely poetic
syllables
in sets


I may not be the best in the business
but i keep my soul untainted
from the murmur of the masses


and if thats what you need to know
then let me take it to note!
---



and
yes im back from brunei!

---

so long, sweet summer.

ciao!

you find time when you make it

Pioneer, Martyr, Armchair Extraordinaire
by Rishik Menon



And man was born to dream
Cause life was made with strife
How suitable for the everyman
Cant possible be denied. But
His visions could not fit, it seemed,
Alas! Larger than life!


---
Its just you and me, now, old man
by Rishik Vijay Menon



You taught me,
(being a teacher and all)
that dreams and life
need not be
so separated
as jacket on a book,
as cap on a pen, or
as heart to the hand
or rather; you penned
onto me
the simple notion,
belief, that both
dreams and life
were meant to compliment
each other
(jackets and hats off)
like ink off the letters
off words off the pages.
cause either simply didnt
make as much sense without
the other, and rather
than compromise
with pages wanting writing
and a life of something missing
cut the losses from
the get go, and let go
of fiscal ambition
that leads the hand on
to the endless listless
dictate of hollow penmanship
lines after pines
after lines
after lines.



and so you planted
(being a gardener and all)
those amorphous seed cones
of a hope of a vision
to keep my dreams
fastened to what space
my life may have led
me to, and ride on those pages
of white flurry in such an
indistinguishable blur
that no one may be the wiser
as to which image was meant
for what metaphor,
and when did the dream end
and where the life began.
and what a prospect that
was to be indeed.
oh what a prospect
and how extreme.


but You dared to fail
(being a maverick and all)
and rode out against a world
where the words
'paper chase' bears a
meaning unlike of
that held by you or I.
but thats really besides
the point, and the views
of 600 mean next to nothing
to the fact of inspiring
the life of one child.
and you dared do that too.
so, while the others
became too busy
laying their flat A4
sheets and mask
to cover their
crude reality
like the face paint
of the geisha
you sought for something
of an unpretentious
answer, and rather than
diverting, decided to
breathe life and magic,
to the sweat and breeze
of your childhood and
honest tales and escapades
were spun and dyed with such
quick wit and local colour,
that I grew up learning to see
that the beauty and charm
that had surrounded the
worlds of foreign fiction
had a home in my life too.
and such a mixture of
the morbid with elegance
the wry with magniloquence
that the boldness of your
expression scarred an impression
and legacy of a life
that was meant to be lived
into what i knew i had to do.


you had it all
and you had scarcely
even begun.
but instead
you gave me everything
(being a father and all)
and i can never ask
for anyone more
and all i can do is say im thankful
and im really thankful
for all that you are.

---

the argument

they want us to bring a breathe of fresh air to teaching.

they want something new.
something exciting and dynamic.

and they want to keep the talent they have.



but they wont let me study law in UCL because.....

law isnt a teaching subject. hell no.
not even its value and rigour in critical thinking, argument deconstruction and analysis (which is relevant to, I dont know, KI, GP, english, literature) can make up for the fact that its a "professional degree".

but we'll let you study journalism? which isnt a professional degree?

and even then isnt that the whole point of going back to NIE. to learn the subject we shall eventually teach?

I guess the diversity of the background of your BA doesnt count for much in MOE.



except they still let you come to nie to learn how to teach english with a degree in law. just now through a scholarship... Ahhh...

so its not a matter of relevance i guess?? more a matter of the scholarship. but why is the scholarship so special? the cost!


wait. no. a law degree cost as much as any degree in arts in the UK. The time spent? Nope. wrong again. entering the bar? well you dont HAVE to enter the bar you know. so whats the big deal then... whats the big deal MOE....


i guess at the end of the day its the fear that Ill run away with my law degree to go practice law instead of teach. but wtf. isnt that the point of the bond? to show my willingness to commit. to show that im serious about the job.

Sigh. you just CANT trust scholars these days. really cant tell what goes through their minds.



so we restrict the choices, for our future leaders, and cross our fingers hoping they will want to stay with us. we limit the same type of people to enter the profession, and pray that they will be some change, and that our education may become more diverse, dynamic, vibrant...



i dont even want to do law thaaat much. its just disturbing how inflexible and narrow minded such conditions can be. and to think these are the people they have encouraged me my entire schooling life to challenge possibilities and think outside the box. this is what i call the grand irony.


but for the record, you cant compare law to medicine.
A) the cost
B) the number of years
C) practioners as a percentage of people who study the course

not everyone who studies law becomes a lawyer. large numbers enter business, politics and other careers. and the reason why people dont mind studying law and not being lawyers is because of the cost and numbe rof years they spend studying it. its not like wasting a half million dollar education and 5 years of your life on a medical education and then deciding to start a restaurant. its just NOT the same.


but my argument is lost, i can see. the government will not relent. its a sacred cow, he says. never been done before. never will they let someone study law or medicine on a scholarship...

except for the SAF, which is alot more open and flexible about such matters. though the relevance of reading law in being a platoon commander sure begs a hell lot more questions than to being a teacher.


ah well.

bookmarks of cloud

the thing about warfare and soldiering, is that unless you have every actually been part of the training and experience, it is almost impossible to understand the sheer grit and mental determination required to execute every manoeuvre, every formation, every operation. down to the last man, the pressure is equalled, and together, there is shared pain that is endured just to gain the slightest edge over the opposition, or bring about the most minimal reduction in the margin of error. it is painful, and it is melancholic, and it is one of the few occupations I can think of, where the potential for loss far outweighs any meagre gain; but yet, for the precious nature of that gain, they will still fight, and train and risk that much. because it is worth that risk. because it is worth fighting for.



and it is from this train of thought, i started to rationalise the elaborate and over the top grandeaur which militaries often pour into their ceremonies and parades.


because it is the only way and only chance for the public, or the non-soldier class, to come even vaguely close to understand the honour and pride that there is to fight. they who watch the parades will never know the suffering and mental torment which goes on in the battle field, in the hurricane of confusion and malaise. but perhaps maybe, when they are filled with awe from the precision and the bearing of the military man, perhaps then, can they understand the nature of his discipline, and his ability to commit his entire person to the single cause. and visually, the message is sent. the vast and painstaking discipline of many, concentrated for a single larger purpose. and that will be closest they will come to understanding the beauty of the loyal heart and the indomitable spirit of the soldier.


---
of course thats just one way of putting things.

you could also call it the glorification of war, or the facade of sophistication of masculine barbarism. but what the hell. its all a point of view, i guess.


---

and now, before i leave, i shall wish ye all a happy father's day, and may Nadal win the Queen's club tennis tournament. because, he truly is THE MAN. ahh yess... if last year's final at wimbeldon and this year's french open says anything, its that Nadal's time has come. I forsee a bright shadow being cast by happy clouds and a plague of shiny happy people ushering in a tide of good fortune and prosperity in the years to come, for Nadal's badminton fate. muwhahahaha!

so the answer is "yes" i am aware of how strange and lame that last two lines sounded, and "yes" I am OFF.

time for some contemplation

time for some contemplation...

---

Start playing "Faust, Midas and Myself" by Switchfoot

----

hmm.. so here I am.

my life really seems to have flown by. and im feeling sad. its too fast. and now here i am. i need to decide soon.

i need to decide so soon. shit.

no. I cant do this now. its not right. im still a boy.

i was only 15 yesterday. i swear i was. i was only beginning to enjoy it. this is all to strange to be true. and ive only just started, and now im feeling starved of what right i had to live in the past. and was it all worth it, and was it enough? ive tried to cram so much into my hours but never with the conscious intention of having this many half memories and close friendships with people I truly miss, but truly dont seem to be able to find the energy to meet. and thats where alot of it comes down to luck and destiny, doesnt it?...

so does that mean we can only be close friends when we are in the same course? or class? or school? or CCA? or seminar? or production? or country? or neighbourhood?

but i didnt come to talk about friendships and relationships. I came online thinking about my family. and these few memories which i had during field camp. of sitting in the civil service clubhouse room and enjoying the aircon after the swim. of being in orchard in a rainy day during the holidays, and my dad letting me buy books. of atha buying me fried chicken wings at the civil service club, and my mom scolding me furiously after that day, for making my poor unemployed grandmother use her own savings on me. of a dark night at that red condo near loyang where my mom used to go for yoga classes. and of komala sithi bringing me swimming one night to civil service club because my mom had to go somewhere, and I really wanted to swim.

and its strange because the morale of the story suddenly hit me that, money helps me maintain my happiness. money wont buy me happiness, but its the conduit to a material world of comforts that I enjoy. and i want my family to enjoy that too. and continue enjoying it. and now im thinking more and more and more about that scholarship. and that lesson from the stories of my mom's childhood.

that sacrifice is always worth it for someone you love.

and i will never forget the ones who loved me.

and for their sake, I wish to never be in anyone's debt...

--

sigh. dammit. this is too fast.

..so maybe i dont wish i could do it all again. but maybe what i really want is to revisit that time, and try again. because i wasnt the best leader back then, and because i owe it to them for helping me mature, i so desire to return to st pat's and TJ. but am i being out of place. and more realistically, am i just too late? because i could have sworn i tried my best. but somehow im still feeling, like i didnt do enough.

its true then. i still owe them my respect and dues. i owe them my time...

or should i start spending less time with more people and more time with less people?

sigh. whatever the hell am i jabbering on about now. i dont even know anymore. i need some carrot juice, tea, jacob's crackers and the simpsons to show now. yeaah. that might solve some things.

I keep saying "everything in life happens for a reason", but now im just feeling uncertain and troubled, drawing lines of meaning between series of people and places that probably mean less than i read. so how do i decide from there. where do i go. where is there left for me to hide.

its not that i have burnt my bridges. rather id left most in such a strange hurry that i cant seem to be able to find my way back without appearing lost.

will going to UCL then give me a chance for a clean break and start. a pinky promise to make less mistakes than before? or is going there just another mistake in itself. meow.

--

"Gravity" John Mayer

"these Streets"

"Why georgia" John Mayer

"No doubling back now" Jason Mraz

----

yes. its true then. its all happening too god damn soon.

the trophies on my cabinet suddenly are starting to have a lot less meaning as the time between me and the events stretch further and further apart.

damn. i know im usually more optimistic than this. but its hard to be, when memories come rushing back and remind me of a time when i had less choices to make and remind me of how old ive become while in the absence of so many people.

---

"Asphalt world" Suede
"Gravedigger" Dave Matthews Band

so we made it mr crocodile

so it happened. The crossover story. The tale of sweat and tenacity. it actually happened. wow. the stars really are in my favour. haha.


and you know. its true what they say, that you truly understand the meaning of the words 'with pride I lead' at the end of BSLC. and nothing can take that away from us. That pride.



So ill fly the hotel flag high as i march on to delta wing on monday. the same way, i know in my heart, i did St Pat's proud, by crossing over. The same way I know, i did scouts proud in making it to ocs. And ill be confident as I have always been, and never ever doubt for an instant, my own worth, and i hope none of the rest do so either. cause we all deserve it. and we fought for it. and we are made all the better from the sheer virtue of the struggle.


---
"Im not the kind to lay down and die~!"

oreo sudoku haiku

so i tried to type 'mmm' into an sms recently, and i got two very interesting suggestions. "Aum" and "Moo".
What a wonder that all three were equally appropriate for the message i was typing.


Oreos will always be their best in its original form. Hell with chocolate cream and peanutbutter whatevers. Im liking mine the way they always were. Twist, Lick and Dunk.

---

now a haiku for my parents


Head lights frustrate me
but seeing your eager face
relieves my pained eyes


by rishik menon

laar dee daar

Inaction is one of the worst thing there possibly could be for society. But sometimes you wonder which is the bigger cause of it.
Apathy or Cynicism.


The thing about beauty or art for that matter, is that its got to be framed. It has to be within a context. Within a start and an end. It cant be timeless, or spaceless. Its the only way to appreciate it.
Its the reason why life will never be like the movies. Because life is timeless. Parts of our lives may be wonderful. But then there are those parts after those parts, and life goes on after our lives end, and it flows and you appreciate some parts but you cant begin to conceptualise the entirety and scale of it all. And when you do, its sublime. Because at the end of the day, we cant go on living life, day to day with that kind of thinking.
The reality is that not just beauty, but alot of concepts are only within our human reach within the confines of limits and frames. There are no heroes outside of the text, because man cannot sustain heroism. Alot of it is captured in moments and periods of our lives, but can never be realised as a continuous flow or constant. All we can do is say "start here" "end here", and in that context, only in that manner will we feel the awe and inspiration of the hero.


But now im on my own.
So im off.

economic business

My next resolution is to write a song/poem in tamil. Haha. laugh now, but be on your toes.



cause im gonna do it. oh yes, i am.





---
and then the whole choir echoes "Menon dont be bastard!"
by Yours Truly


I know i said ill be there
but im having second thoughts
about this stand im taking and
this shadow that i cast


I know its way past Sunday
and the time to act has gone
but acting comes with characters
and mine just aint that strong

-

Im sure I should have followed
but maybe its better that i stay
I guess its a loss im making which
im still prepared to pay


Ill believe that Ive been missing out
If that is what you say
But please dont count me in the next roll call
for your next play

-

So I thought I found my place
That wasnt too deep in outer space
guess I was wrong


please forget me if you see me drift along

-

I want to say im sorry
but im 'fraid that all itll do
was bring back all the memories
when I wasnt there with you


I didnt forget, all that I told yer,
guess I just, wasnt sure, what i meant
feels like im going nowhere
without a map to represent

-

I know its not too late
but still its taking kind of long
Its not your fault im stalling
But its the rocks im standing on


Its not that I dont want to
Its just I feel its time I go
Its useless staying grounded
when the waters getting cold

-

So I though I found a place
That wasnt too deep in outer space
to keep me on


But this search for any name or sign
Thats fixed to any lane or line
feels wrong


So dont pretend to understand
when even I cant comprehend
this gravity that keeps me from the floor


So dont count me to be anchored to the shore


please forget me if you see me drift along



---------


Good night!

Random thoughts over the week.


Cab fares make Singapore feel bigger than it really is.


Why take panadol when there is access to cookies.


A fast paced, career obsessed life with all the money in the world probably wont buy me happiness. But it would buy me a BMW.


Running and marching really makes you appreciate the tender care and love of new socks.


Winning isnt everything, but maaan it feeeells sooo amazing.



Im off off and AWAY!!!







since i love photos of myself; and ive not uploaded any of myself since i enlisted. haha.

I wonder if gmail will be angry?

'MSN as a means to an end'
by Rishik Vijay Menon


You've mastered the
art of conversation
you blow me beyond
all comprehension
As I stutter I seek
for composition
As I endeavor to shirk
from repetition


Is that the reason
why your so persuasive?
your command of my
words are so invasive
I find my grammar
awkward and abrasive
I need some help cause
you are plain addictive


When your quiet, it
pierces of oblivion
Every word you mouth
begs for deconstruction
Theres no vowel thats
deficit in meaning
No definition
thats not packed with feeling



im a product of
national education
Im an advocate
of abbreviation
I never knew you didnt
have to read left to right
How'd you see these
words were more than black on white


Its amazing
how your so damn eloquent
Your speech is rich
verging close to decadent
Its saccharine
its nauseating sweetness
Somnolent high its
all that leaves me speechless

you dont have to fall

this is gonna be the chorus for my next song/poem. doesnt have a name yet. but its gonna come soon. haha.





...

by Rishik Menon





You dont have to fall
if you want me to catch you





Dont wait for a call
if you need someone to talk to





You dont have to stall
to make this last forever







we dont need a plan
to make it through the weather

---



"Im not the kind, to lay down and die~!"

'Adrenaline' by Gavin The incredibly Cool Rossdale







"To those who see that by not playing and not giving in...they win"

Riverboat Gambler's the highly over quoted on rishik's blog 'dont bury me yet'.





--



Good night!

omg. i cant believe i stayed up till 4 this morning watching R Kelley's Trapped in a closet. and my oh my.. that is some addictive shit. Its the worst of "days of our lives" and every black stereotype you can think of, played to the tune of a single hook, spread out over twenty plus chapters and very possibly many more to come. Its nuts. And very very hard to stop watching.

In other news, i have discovered a very absorbing puzzle platform game called Shift. Wicked sick cool. Need to check it out.

http://armorgames.com/play/751/shift

http://armorgames.com/play/964/shift-2

Anyways since i have nothing more productive to say I shall let out a very annoying and unnecessary groan for getting a B in econs.

(Please dont hate me!)

grggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrgrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeAEARhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaAAahhaHhahahHGgGghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyararkieyKK!

There. Im done.

And finally, to round up the day. I present to you what I like to call

ART!

im out of here. See ya!

variety is the spice of life

variety is the spice of life

when i was sec4 there were two very clear options in my life for my future.
I would do a degree in either
Chemical engineering Or Theatre Studies.
Simple. I could do research with petrochemical companies. Or maybe act, and produce art events. Or teach chemistry AND theatre.


Thhings changed in JC 1. I dont know why. Something killed my love for chemistry. Something died. Something gave in. There were only two subjects keeping my attendance in school. KI and Lit.


I threw in as many options as possible. Nafa. Lasalle. Journalism. I always wanted to do journalism. But I didnt need a degree to do that. Maybe arts management. Maybe australia. Maybe CJC. Maybe become an intern. maybe this. maybe that...there were too many uncertainties. My life could have flung in any direction at that point.


Next thing I knew, I was doing an all arts combi. Besides my love for the simplicity of Maths, I even gave THAT up, so i could have more time with the humanities. Away at once with chemical engineering and any science degree possible.


For awhile i was swimming. Somehow i got it in my head that I HAD to do a professional degree. That anything else wouldnt be a true reflection of my worth. So it was pretty much down to either psychology or law. Far from being personal passions or anything. Just viable options I could see myself growing to love. Like an amiable arranged marriage.


But then my horizons opened, and I realised that I couldnt stay in this country all my life. That I had to commit myself for a cause larger than myself. That maybe I was meant for bigger things. Current affairs and international happenings got the better of me, and my eye was suddenly set on a career in the public sector. Not just any career. A career as a foreign service officer.

OH! the adventure! The history that was mine to make. the thrill, the rush the adrenaline. It was clear now, i had to have a degree that prepared me for this ride. International relations. Economics. Law. The degree was now a means. The life was to be assisted, not dictated by my qualifications.


But JC soon ended, and i started getting dreamy again. Scholarship or not, career in whichever sector, I knew my life was going to have to be exciting. I didnt want to die and experienced any less than i could have had. I wanted it all. I decided I might even follow Mr Veera's footsteps and not stay in any job longer than 5 years. Because in retrospect, five years is a very short time. But a long enough time to be meaningful. I wanted to keep learning all my life. I realised how much i enjoyed philosophy. But it wasnt necessary i did a degree in it. And I suppose that brings me to where I am now.


I still want to do a degree in law. I still want a career in the foreign service. But I also want to finish my novel. And keep reading philosophy. Maybe join the navy. Try teaching at some point. keep writing. Try getting things published. Take years off here and there to do community service around southeast asia. Write more to the press as i get older. And most importantly, never get bored. Keep writing. Keep reading. keep learning. Keep philosophizing. earn enough to get by. Get by to see life in its glory and appreciate its beauty as much as I may. And never ever regret.

thoughts

thoughts for the day.



I like the movie sweeney todd. and Juno.



Johanna is still playing in my mind. The only other song that can compete right now would be
"we are brothers forever".



There is something unreal about being in the army. This dream-like quality.



----
There has not been a night which went by in the army where I have not had a dream. No joke. Every single night. 21 days of dreams. Which I have remembered. All in coloured detail. And i dont know how or why is it so. But I do know this stability and guarantee is starting to frighten me slightly.
----


"And are you beautiful and pale with yellow hair, like her?
I want you beautiful and pale, the way i dreamed you were"


---


"Goodbye Johanna. Your gone and yet your mine!
Ill find johanna. Ill find!"


---

Happy chinese new year.
Good night.
My room lock is no more.

then i bumped again

Id like to think I live a life of no regrets.
The curious thing about this mindset, is how deeply it is founded on retrospective thinking.



Because for some odd reason, I simply cannot bring myself to be entirely content or satisfied with the present. There is always some loose end or the other to tie. Something wrong, something missing. Something awry.


Sigh. Greedy greedy rishik. Rishik the insatiable. Rishik always wanting more than he has. Rishik the glutton.


I kinda wonder whats so bad about gluttony at times (despite already knowing the answer). Is there really something so wrong in desiring and wishing to constantly fill oneself to the utter brim with the sensual experience? And never be filled. Always hungering and longing but never quite getting the full taste.

There is someing intangible about this idea. Its like a curve tending towards zero but never reaching. Its like a kind of magic.


...just a thought.


anyways, Im off.


----

Thank god I wrote my poems when I still did. Cause now im slowly feeling my inspiration run dry.

hindraf mindraf

I want "four winds" by bright eyes to be played at my funeral.
=)


---
In other news, I have officially had it with bata shoes. NO MORE!! NEVER AGAIN!!!

Ive had it paying 50 dollars for shoes that fall to pieces in 6 months
Ive had it, wearing shoes that virtually suck in water from the sole and retains it after stepping on a single freaking puddle.
Ive had it with shoes that cant even stay the same freaking colour for more than 2 weeks.


No this has nothing to do with my walking patterns. Im blaming this entirely on the shoes.

Never again. Never again...

----

Its quite scary sometimes when i think about how much we have progressed and how little we have changed as a society. Just watching 'hairspray' and remembering that there were times when segregation was fact and norm. and how heartening that there is change taking place.


But then I look north, and i read about hindraf. and i feel unsettled and troubled. This is far from apartheid. But the monster shares the same mother, called prejudice. My heart tells me it can be slayed. I want to think it can. I want to think that this is a historical abnormally. That times will change and that my vision for the future is not baseless. But there is little for me to go on. And so i get concerned.


Could i be that matyr? Am i meant to somehow be part of the wave to complete this change? Or is there too few of me to make an impact?


I like to think of this as the future of our species. We need to cultivate a society that may prosper, without fear. Yes thats right. I would like to start my own war against terror. Terror of being victimised, stopped at airport checkpoints and discrimintaed at due to the colour of your skin. Terror at not being allowed to practise your faith in peace. Terror that a peaceful protest against injustices may land you in jail. Thats the type of terror i wish to fight. And if this means breaking down the houses where prejudice hides, of culture, nationalism and tradition, than i suppose I will just find myself at odds with myself once again... but compelled, nonetheless, to do what i believe in.


--------
"But when great Satan's gone,
the whore of Babylon
She just can't remain with all that outer space
She caves..."


Im off

This is a snowflake

Is it so wrong to be eager to go to NS?

Would sure be some escape from the arrogance and artificiality of certain people.

Dates are appearing nearer than I once imagined. Im thinking in terms of weeks, not days anymore.

-------------

Sometimes I force myself to do things which are out of habit, just to show myself that I can, and that I am free of such tendencies. Because habits are just milder forms of addictions and dependencies. and to become dependent is to lose power over the most important thing in the world. yourself.

Goodnight.

There is a certain air about a place where you hardly know anyone, and everything feels new.


Maybe that was what kept me so attracted to TJ all these years. Simply how alien everything always was to me. Simply not knowing people and feeling safe and eager with the potential to meet someone new always alive. Maybe thats why first impressions are so powerful. Its the moment where all expectations of any nameless future is brutally slaughtered.


a week and ill be off to meet my future. amazing how fast time flies.


So much has changed, but things arnt different. If you know what I mean. Try think long term. Man I hate missing people. What i'd give for just a week of coffeeshop outings and long talkative nights.

"ive got so much to talk about" Modern Living by Motion City Soundtrack.



I wanna do something for the refugees. I wanna talk to them.