tracing edges of a sane life

presuming im not already psycho
by Rishik Vijay Menon



papercut wounds
theyve got you thinkin
what, why and how does it hurt
after all its so thin.
double espresso
on a late late night
taking your love for granted
and i grant, your alright....


topping up my whipped cream
now now, dont be shy
i dont bite, so dont you scream
theres that glint in my eye
murderously, ill stalk
regardless of what they say
one more corner, one more street
there aint no rules, anyway!



on and on!
(im walking on the outside)
lost not gone!
(im revealing all my insights)
i do what i do
just to get me by
im tracing out the edges... of a sane life.


----

shall finish this another day. mmms.

now a recap. and an extension.

firstly. a recap.

every other nights, a sad excuse. (part 1)
by rishik menon.


you tuck your life away
intewined between these strings
and you strum.
you sing a line for me
hardly reach the chorus
then your done.
you take time out
between those empty days
walking down those empty halls.
you say your living for the weekend
your afraid, that time would stall...


you say your grateful, cause
of this chance
to live your life again.
or at the very least,
to get away
not be bothered by them.
you paint yourself a selfless potrait
you say its an expressionof your heart.
i get the feeling that i know you,
but i dont know where i start...



ill be the one who'll somehow know
all those feelings that you feel
ill be the guy you'll tell it all to
the guy that makes it real
ill be that place. ill be that quiet silent getaway.
ill be safe, and ill sealed. all for you....


but i cant be true.

---

every other nights a sad excuse (part 2)
by rishik menon


you swear the sky's but
but a comic tapestry
shades of orange, on shades of blue.
you dream of flavours,
earthly tones,
textures inducing hues .
we hypothesize, the aesthetic,
eudaimonia from the art
its not about the life were leading,
but the lives, we live, we start.


we toast to loss, without a cause
and as champagne pours
down from the stars.
savour this mana from the moon
take in the time
thats come to past
scarring the breakwater
with memories, disallow all photographs.
beauty lies in the ephermeral,
but stays eternal in our hearts


ill be the one who'll somehow know
all those feelings that you feel
ill be the guy you'll tell it all to
the guy that makes it real
ill be that place. ill be that quiet silent getaway.
ill be safe, and ill sealed. all for you....


but i wont be true..


----

getting a bike is great. the rush is amazing. breaking that unbearable feeling of dependency. re-living those nights in the park, with the wind in my face. breaking sweat, and easing my nerves. love it.
as cheap as it may be. its still amazing.


'Love song for No one' by john mayer. such a clever song. really like it loads.


so life goes on. when events end, essays start.


Ho Hoi Chan. excellent. haha. and so begins my next literary masterpiece. goodnight!

hoooo. hi mr owl man!

feel it coming again. the burn of responsibility.
call people. clean KI room.
call people. get navigators for some go green crap.
call people. get a team for captains ball..


bleaah!
the joy of secretarial work. the post of power. bla bla.


cycling last night. like how we used to. watched warriors. such a brainless movie. haha. booby trap. whatever man.


NLB and starbucks becomes all to familiar for my liking. hmph.
and bus rides SUCK! as i learn today. they SUCK!!!


all i got out of them, is probably the time to write a good 6 pages of my book. kinda pleased with that at least. not very often im presented with the freedom to write. mmms. dinner at aunts place. sweet.



now im done with the boring recounting shit. lets try something i havent done in a long time. hows bout a little impromptu poetry. whoooo...




---




Fucking around, really aint humorous


by Rishik V. MP Menon



your messing with the stars
i warned you not to lie
from the deepest gorges of thy hearts.
and soon, we'll be left with no shore line.




a double take, a gush of sand and storm.
were falling deep, but then you can fly.
you leave me breathing, as your filling
up the open empty reaches,
you appease the endless reaches of the skyy.




we flirt along on stone cold tombs.
we thread the rocks of a lone whistling eye.
and when i catch that dying smile, from the depths
all you deny,
as it ignites a certain hope that tinder shall smite..




fermenting fragrance of a foreign fruit
in a cordial voice just bared to brite
that im compelled to wait in fear,
that a move so pre-mature
could lead to tenderness, over exposed by violet liiight.




i try not messing with the stars
but they taunt me next to every night.
they travel light years for a misplaced match
against my will
they send a goddess, to crush all thats left of my might.




i cant help messing with the stars.
as i sell my heart to them, all to their delight...




----





BANG BANG! MAXWELL's silver Hammer!
Night, night, nights....

oh, shes so dam fine

now we have all of course heard of punk covers of pop songs, and "hit me baby one more time" done over and over, by every other band in existence. soo often, i swear, its losing even the ironic effect. but come last thursday, i discovered somethign toally fresh and cool. cause yesterday, i discovered the magic which was Paul Anka and "Rock Swings"!!
black hole sun, smells like teen spirit, and wonderwall. all jazzed up. haha. in that very meaning.
pretty darn cool. i swear. mmmm. "entertain us...." haha. rock swings.

...

mysterious they say, i am.
haha. yeah right. its amusing almost.

"of all the house capts, they say your the mysterious one, no one will know about your love life"
"such an ass. dont tell us anything. lucky i have your blog to read"
"I swear. you cant understand his blog at all."
haha. this is all i have to say to that.

...


vanakam!
My name is subramaniam!
Vangadath Subramaniam!!
and Velcome to todays episode of
"vaad do you think... about DIS! (slams hand on table)"
so today, i ask.
"vaad do you think... about DIS! (slams hand on table).
there is no life...without wife!"
so send in ur VIEWS, as soon as possible.
see you next time on
"vaad do you think... about DIS! (slams hand on table)"


whoo! genius. hello, future career in column journalism. ahha. all i need now is a youtube following, and im set for life. haha.



random list of sadistic songs. mm. no. none are emo. none are rock.
hah! take that!
"Bang bang maxwell's silver hammer, made sure, that she was dead"
"I used to love her. but i had to kill her"
"I had to kill her, cause she didnt recycle! i had to kill her cause she didnt recycle"



gnight. and im Not emo. haha.

mmm

and they say that beauty is in the ephermeral. so i choose not to recount the Muse concert. siiigh. just so i can appreciate it all the more. mmmmm.....


but yeaah. beautiful it was.


and what a surreal day its been. that abstract japanese short movie with the fox. my god. mind blowing.
then the two guys. who became a guy and a girl!!! i swear!! im not the only one who saw kay. amitha saw too. like... shit man... ive seen werid things in my life. but this wasnt beyond real.


and then meeting Aulia at white sands. and seeing those year 1s study at the marquee. and debating again after nearly 6 months. and recieving that nike arm wallet.


my days about in grounded in about as much sense as the thing i say.


thats not saying much.


hmmm. think ive worked it out.

when i dont know what im saying + when im care that i dont know = i mumble
when i dont know what im saying + i dont care, that i dont know= i laugh to myself
when i know what im saying = im probably lying to myself.


haha. like anyone cares.


gonna sleeep. joy.


debt is not a nice place to be. night man.

more random than last time. oOh..

the last thing i want to be is addicted to something. coffee, MSN, blogging. the thought of dependency scares me. so much so, that i intentionally abstain from things im afraid of getting addicted to. just so i know im still in control. for the comfort of mind, that i really CAN do whatever I set my mind to. that its more than just a cheesy motivational line of a laminatted piece of paper, but maybe, truly does contain a kind of truth within.
addiction. gotta draw a line between that and passion.


every now and then i get these bursts of passion.
i get them alot. like these sudden energy, and disatisfaction with my position. these desires to go skating. to go the park. to run. to go hug someone. to fly. to write. to donate alot money. this build up of passion. built in a moment, and dissipated the next.
and oh, how im all for it.


one of the most comforting sights is seeing, the burliest of grumpy old men break into smile at the smile of a small girl. the beauty of innocence, and how it crosses barriers of most man-made construction, and creates bonds and melts walls. all in split seconds. these innocent laugh and smiles of children. sigh. innocence.


so today was lit day. went to NLB with amitha, and met grace, gita and fenny there. rethought my H3 thingy. gonna still look at innocence lost, except this time, as a representation of society's loss of morales and ideologies, in 20th century america. mmms. hope itll work.
thing is, it means i got to go read catcher in the rye. haha. read the first chapter a while back. still remember finding it hilarious. especially the part where he goes "the whole team was ostracizing me. was kinda funny actually." HAHHA!. whoo. think im gonna like it.
the NLB is such a great place by the way.
so went to starbucks after which to read handmaids tale. nice book.

i swear.. handmaids tale is what i call emo-core. haha. take any paragraph and you could so easily read it as a song. haha. seriously. something bout it. how every line has such meaning. i swear. reads like a really good blog. ahha. reflective, insightful and deep all at once. but then, i havent really finished reading it. haha. so i cant say much as of yet. should finish it by monday. or tomorrow even. ah well.


had lunch with rannald and amitha at swensens. hahaa. cant get over rannalds pronoun joke. ahhaha. i dunno. was good. hahaha.
had lunch at swensens. dammit man. spending too much unnecessarily.


i got alot of compulsions lately. irresponsible desires and fancies. sucks to the core. like i want to buy a starbucks tumbler and a nike arm wallet really badly. and i want to go cycling in ubin again. and have a class party at my new place. and go watch pan's labrinyth.


sigh. just got to moderate these desires i guess. and keep focused on more important things ahead.


like MUSE!! whoo! three more days!! haha. but as excited as i am, still feelin shagged. hope my energy returns by then. hope that oh-so-random passion of mine strikes.


haha. such a sick mix of pessimistic realism and irrational, optimism and faith. i dont make this easy for myself at all. haha. sigh.


g'night. and out this window ill flow.

a little refresher

gosh. feels so good to be back in debates. and gosh. loves loves LOVES it.


not the debating. no way in hell. but the people. the year 1s. the freedom. the respect. the unity. the madness. the insanity.
every reason i joined debates in the first place. siigh.


things are going better than i expected. i can get through this year. i got what it takes. i know it. will pull it all off somehow. haha. i know it.


was thinking of why they dont have toilets on trains on the way home. then i figured people might miss their stops. hmmms.
its true you know...

...
you think about it... just see..


today was such a fulfilling day in dbates. me and kiran kidnapped the year 1s from howard to save them from more debating. haha. and yeaa! we dam well worked our magic. showed them the insane side of debates: the side were most known for. showed them US. and yeaa. basically did my best to make a clean break, and set a whole new impression for them. pity some left before i could do anything. but yeaa. we cant save them all. ah well. just loved it. =D



and whoo. this is what 1st three months is about. being mad and random. sigh. glad to be back in.


got loads more to talk bout. if only time permits. sweet.


settling in baby. oooh yeaa~!


smile for me, wont yer. just one smile.


out!

dont play with me

elvis is the king. mmmm..
"tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight..."


fuck it la.


they said that year 2s gonna be the fastest year ever. but dammit. when will this week just end already.


so im feeling troubled, and quiet.
by whats going on around me.
and whats happening to me.


i believe just a week or two ago talking to shereen. and saying so clearly, that in life, whats really important is "friends". its for these fellow people that we live our life for. or for me, at least.
but thats just whats troubling me.


the sheer number of half friends, and these half feelings and emotions for the quantity of aquaintances ive made. coupled together with my questions for my old friends from years ago, and spaces between months, and how time flies, and people fly with them. the emotions im feeling for people, which im wondering have the potential to cross that line of friends and more, and these spouts of jealousy, leading to me feeling wrecked for momenst, before rationality slaps back in, leading to me to curse myself for feeling that way in the first place.


this sucks. im troubled.
am i a good friend. am i real friend.
am i caring enough for some people. am i caring too much for others.


so its time like this all i can do is just shut up and wait.
wait. cause thinkings gonna mess it up. waitings always good.


wheeee.


trying so hard to not be a hypocrite. we all try dont we.


night.

a week or two in pictures

wheee. so here comes the visuals!







DAY UNO! Blazon and Nyrah placed at the bottom.

























Day 2 and 3 and 4. Blazon rises to the top.






















all to end on O night, when the underdogs of Nyrah claims the glory. haha. no real pic of o- NIGHT, so heres a pic of me and shereen leading to it.

























Now fer a little pics of what i did 1 day before Orientation.













e' 4 ventures meet again.. pictures from huang's phone. the pics on my phone are prolly gonna stay there till i find a computer with bluetooth. its, phipps, theo and me, from left to right, by the way. at ubin. beuatiful place. gonna re-visit it one day.




and now, cause ive run out of pictures to entertain yee people with, ill just spout some of the best and worst lines from orientation.








"you guys put the 'sex' in sexy"


"so lets keep..blazing on."


(said in all sincerity) "since when does a girl need to do something to win a guys heart?"


"its not bout us. its bout the whole of TJ"


"are you tired? youve been running through my mind"


"do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk in front of you again?"






Did i mention 'angels' by within temptation was lovely? oh. and so is james morrison's "its a wonderful world".








kays im done.

and cause im somewhat of a thick-skinned asswipe.. and plus, cause i think its a REALLY nice picture, lets all just view 'the day 2 pic' "one more time!" haha.











whooo! yeaa. hahah.

looks good. kay im off.

orientate me to a new world

from spending the first waking hours of Orientation Day1 on my knees in my toilet puking my guts out, to Day4 on the arms of my clan celebrating our loss like no other clan, there has never been an experience like that ever. and if you asked me, if i could do it all over again would i change anything, as tempted as i may be to say "yes", my heart insists on answering "no", cause i wouldnt dare risking to change anything, cause the process along with the result was just all too beautiful to risk missing.


Orientation rocked. I swear.


and its honestly all thanks to OGLs: maryam, sam, amitha, vincent, derrick, brandon, may, song xi, shang long, kenneth, suat, kamun, tze jie, yenyang, jennifer, wilson, amanda, yanning, karen, song yan, warda, esti, angelina, cheryl, yuan jing, stephanie, shu han, amelia, shereen, chuan li, nat, claudyne, wanting, john, betsy, grace, gita. zi hui, anh, lihao, fenny, vanessa, dwight, desiree and all those else who made it possible. These are the people that made it what it was. These were the guys that pushed and brought out the best in the years 1s.


and they might say its cheesy, but with all honesty, it was seeing the year 1s have fun that really made my day.


and while leading from day 2 all the way to day 4 may have been good, it honetsly didnt matter if we won or lost. cause in the end, it was all down to how much fun we had. and honestly, it was true. we really did BOND.


and oh how we rocked.
the year 1s were amazing. and the OGLs too..


fuck. you guys have no idea how proud i am of you guys. and how freaking touched and grateful i am to be associated with you guys, even in the slightest way.

you were more than brilliant. you were phenomenal. and we left our mark in orientation. take pride in the fact that for three days in a row, every clan was aspiring to beat us. we were the mark to beat. and you set it. all of you. so congrats. you definitely have every reason to be proud.


and while i admit i dont have the slightest clue what on earth love is. i do know this. a bond between a group of people who have never met each other before. a unity forged between total strangers brought together for the most trivial reason that has become so dam impactful and charged. a unity like that. thats pure magic.


lots of love. the proudest member of Alpha possible.
-rishik...

call me suspicious but

maybe its just me, but why do i get the feeling that the only time my mom answers a call, is immediately after i have answered. i mean. the phone can be right next to her ringing for ages, and nooO. she's not gonna answer it. and as soon as i do. "click!" the receiver comes up... hmph!


or maybe it really is JUST me.


anyways, orientations in abit. cant take too many ppl talking to me. confusing. stressing.


laar dee daa.

Angels by within temptations is a nice song. sweet and hot.

im outta here.

a sick little confession

kay so i admit. im a thrill seeker. adrenaline junkie. whatever. yes, its true. not only do i rejoice at cheap thrills and dares, but also during crises.


its times like when we had no venue for the dance fucntion, no CD, backup WR and more for PW, and no reserves for my CCA hike, that i peak. well not my performance, to be perfectly honest. but i DO get sort of high. haha. So you can just imagine my eyes grinning as i express my utter frustration that the blazon banner is still not sewn together yet. no. apparently the cloth was so tough it destroyed caroline's grandma's sewing machine. or somehting to that effect. haha. whee. what a thing to happen. two days before orientation. haha. =)


so lets talk bout something philosophical now. since my new ambition is to go to oxford to do "philosophy, politics and economics". ahhaha.

So.. if this guy riding an invisible car, really carefully, ran a red light. and at the same time this invisible man was crossing the street ( but the pedestrian crossing lights were also red). and the invisible car ran the invisible man. and they both cant see each other. and the invisible man died. Who is to blame?
the invisible car driver couldnt see the invisible man. but it was a red light.
the invisible man couldnt see the invisible car driver. but it was also a red light for him.
they both were really careful i mean.
or was it both their faults for not telling anyone they were invisible? or for being invisible in the first place?


this question has been on my mind for a few months now. haha. yes..


oh yea. before i forget. happy new year and all. have fun everyone. in ur new JC and shit. yeaa. like that really matters doesnt it. haha.


my holidays have been a joke. but thats why i love it. haha. my oh so sweet random life of mine.


kay im off.