river breeze

i got cheese sausages! mmm
and raisins. delight, delight.


so today was a good day. meeting ben ow and jeremy after the longest time ever. dam ben ow, has grown taller. and yea, jeremy is still jeremy. maybe bigger, but still jeremy indeed.


had dinner with amitha and kenneth. hahaha. ehh.. yeaa... shant discuss the details here. but id just like to clarify: Its NOT my fault! yeaa. haha. and yea. if you didnt voice up earlier, thats your bad. not mine. haha. =DD


got some stuff to work on. be back soon enough.


ciao.

of movies, blank stares and inspiration

so before i start today's entry, lets all give it up for Darby conley. Whoo! such genius. so much said in such brilliantly captured frames. whoo!







haha! yeaa. sigh.

------------------------

so this is another uber old poem of mine, which i started ages ago. this morning finally completed it with the right structure, words and rythm. finally. you have no idea how inspirational and useful that time in the morning is. not quite morning, way past night. its a happy time, it is.
anyways, here it is.


Midnight Murder Mystery at the heartbreak Hotel
by re-sheeeek!


Good morning stranger
will you dance with me?
Your feeling lost,
you feel, i see.
The moon is praying
greet her quietly
and no, im not lying
just dying, truthfully.


Cause sometimes reality just cant satify
and our sanguine cries are getting out of line.
and unless we all start to make a move now.
we wont die, but our lives all end somehow.


Good evening stranger
will you tell me a tale?
No princes, no pumpkins
but where the superhero fails
The sun is knocking, patient
bursting hope, fading trails
I dont feel it in my fingers
warmth that spreads, misleading ale


cause love is something that wont help you die
your deathwish becomes painful, your body to my eyes
and without that knowledge that your safe now
without that comfort I can bring.. maybe?... somehow.


----------------------

hoot. sigh. wanna watch happy feet. wanna watch singapore dreaming. figure there are loads of great movies out there i wanna watch. soon. soon. haha. and now cause im bored, cause im not reading/ studying, not having lunch yet and i aint planning on cleaning the house just yet, ill shall occupy the next few lines with my own awards for my favourite movies. muwhahaha.


Rishik's really cool awards for movies he likes!!


Best asian horror movie: Dark water
Best twist in a Horror movie: Skeleton Key
Best ending in a mafia movie: The departed
Best opening in a mafia movie: The departed // Goodfellas
Best rock movie: Almost famous
Best Skate movie:lords of Dog Town
Best English movie about India: Mr and Mrs Ayer
Best multi-lingual movie about India: Earth
Best romantic comedy: 50 first dates
Best Romatic arthouse: Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind
Most thought provoking drama: The hours
Best spaghetti western: the good the bad the ugly
Best epic in a single movie: Troy
Best epic in a trilogy: Lord of the rings
Best disney cartoon in a long while: Lilo and Stitch
Coolest fight in a mafia movie: gangs of new york
Best film to inspire leadership: remember the titans.
Most fun movie based on a comicbook: Spiderman
Best action/adventure based on a comic: daredevil // Spiderman
Best pirate action/adventure movie: Pirates of the carribean
Best movie to inspire a revolution: V for Vendetta
Best hindi movie based in the 21st century: swades
Best hindi movie based on history: Asoka
Best movie about suicide: Dead man on campus
Best british movie involving suicide: about a boy
Best movie about gay rights: the laramire project
Most cool spy movie: xXx
Best battle in a chinese movie: Hero
Best teen comdey involving rock: School of rock // freaky Friday
Best movie about cricket: lagaan
best movie about basketball: Coach carter
Best movie about baseball: Hardball
Best movie about horse racing: Seabiscuit
Best movie about american football: Longest yard // Remember the titans
Best british movie about soccer: Bend it like beckham
Bets british movie about Indians: Bend it like beckham // east is east
Funniest movie based on jokes: Monty Python and the holy grail
Funniest movie based on bad puns: Robin Hood, men in Tights
Funniest movie based on random gags: Max keeble's big move
Best spoof of high school life: Mean girls
Best adaptation of a children's book: Narnia: the lion the witch and the wardrobe
Best action movie about racing: the fast and the furious
Best movie about private school life: Dead Poet's society
Funniest christmas movie without any real 'christmas' values: Christmas with the kranks


and now for what we have all been waiting for...


rishik's all time favourite movie: Little Miss Sunshine


whooo. like we didnt see that coming. if you actually bothered to look at the whole list, good for you. you must have alot of time on your hands. haha. as do i.


anyways, im off now. lunch calls.

eternal sunshine of a spotless mind.

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;"


such a beautiful movie.
i can not say that enough.
eternal sunshine of a spotless mind is simply pure beauty.
beauty.



i dunno whats up with love and memory. something about these two themes which make a heart-wrenchingly lethal mix. Time traveller's wife, 50 first dates. now this. sigh. and let me tell you, this is soo many leagues above 50 first dates, at one time (12.40 this morning?) my favourite romance movie ever. its just the sheer brilliance of the story, the characterisation and the acting which milked every emotion to its most brilliant. love, love, love it. sigh.



some people are in love with the idea of being in love i realise. im not like that.

if anything im in love with, its the idea of being depressed. but thats only on occasion of course.

or maybe i dream about dreaming. which is simply another way to say im a writer.

constantly trying, wishing, escaping. constantly falling in a sublime weird attempt to walk upright. dreaming about dreaming. lacking courage or discipline. emitting toxic fumes of pure passion and idealism. dreaming about dreaming.



if there is any one person in the world who knows me well, its my sister. dunno what id do without her. no idea what id do.



sometime i wonder if im a product of my environemnt or my genes. alot of my values, my political slantings and my virtues, ive no doubt are a product of mrs leslie. yet my temperment and my eccentricities are such dead ringers of my parent's. this love to take on leadership roles and or please authority, from my mom. the disent and resentment for the leadership roles i take on, from my father. sometimes i wonder why ive become the way ive become.

sometimes i wonder "how do i be, someone Im NOT, when i dont know the hell i am, myself". sometime i think i think too much. maybe thats just me.

the thing about my emotions are, that i dont know how i feel half the time. but the problem these days, is that the feelings of not knowing how i feel is occuring at such turbulantly high frequencies, that im buckling in at the sound. dam deafening noise. bitch-cursed migraines. id ask you to leave me alone, but i suppose i secretly revel in the knowledge i have an excuse to stop accounting for myself. audits all stop at some point.

i dont want to lose my perfect eyesight. i dont want to lose my logic and intelligence. i dont want to lose my belief in magic. i dont want to lose my 'rishik', whatever it is, that makes me, Me.



ill leave now. good night.





i dont want to lose my way. or maybe i do. maybe i already have. =)

skin

Skin by Vidyrshik Vijydas


thats her skin, its screams with a temper
of a territory untouched by man.
her eyes are steel, raw, untempered
her stare instructs you "you wont undertsand"


her skin is gleaming, its not to be tainted
by anything besides her own wish
and were she, to wish me, to be not near it
why, id be lost: to obey, or to persist?


It shines and it shimmers with a unifying echo
of the indepedence that feeds from within.
like her hair, where freedom presides in each strand
uncontrolled by 'her', much less by any 'him'.


thats her skin: in all its fresh, raw, glory
dazzling, and blowing my breathe away
to a land of not ever, and 'chance' fights 'together'
against the truth that she wont ever stay.

----------------------------

people cry all the time for different reasons. for losing a dog. for a certain 9 minute long song. for losing a phone. for failing yourself. for dissapointing a father. from sad sad movies. from being overwhelmed by life as a whole. from breakups. from being hurt. from hurting.

people cry for crying. for the relief of it all..

----------


todays OGL induction was sooo good. thank god it went well. from the one hour plus whacko to lunch, murderor, and the book fair. good.
sigh. just two more days.

----------
i wont say im missing you, if im not.
but would i, if i was.

----------


3 CDs fot ten dollars: elvis, santana and Marion Raven. mmm...
-----------

its this time of the year the clouds are at their most beautiful. see for youself. youll know what i mean.

--------

im off

random fact

random fact:

my spending habits have been changing as a kid.

from erasers to junk food.
From junk food to fast food and movies.
From movies and bowling to pool.
from junk food to CDs and books.
from CDs and books to food and cabs.


having bad bad days. and late late nights. not good ones.


im out.

Whiter shade of pale

turn a Whiter shade of pale.


quotes for the day.


"They are quite a big buch right"
"you mean in size or numbers" (hahahah!)


"They keep expanding"
"sideways too." (hahahah!)


"a few thousand takes means its a good film"
"no it means bad acting" (hahaha...)
"or bad filming" (Hahaha!)


"well you know if i kill you, where ill be"
"no, where?"
"At your funeral! HAHAHAHAHA!!!"
" O_o''....?"


haha. and so ends my day.


but before i go.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1Uo5DQTtzc
the flying spaghetti monster! whoo.
dont hate me for it. im just spreading the word.

was it you

somethings offend me
somethings dont.



head throbs.
girating, dancing around and away from the duties, attacking me, flying head-on.
palipitating, uncontrollably from the forces at work.
At work indeed.


frustrated, undeniably losing touch. and not quite able to explain my reaction to affronts or effrontries. why i may keep cool with some but just fall down a path of bitter disgurntledness for the rest of you.


please dont think that this is easy. cause its fucking, not. it will be better when its over. i know it will.


dam faith. thats all this really is. faith that it will all fucking pay off. god damn blind ass faith.


---
Orientation, and all it entails.
Ki orientation and all it promises
drama and all i can dream of
events, and functions and all i owe to them
CNY, HC camp and all im averse to
poetry slam, H3 lit, IS and all im embarrased of
subjects and essays and all i have to live up to.

---


last night i wanted to break free. no it was this morning. i was up. awake. restless. and calm. such a wonderful mix of idealism and passion. such a ill-timed mix. then it started raining. and it caused ideas and thoughts, one after another to come flying at me, realisation taking on a present tense.
Realisation that i still want to run away into the rain, to the park and be quiet and in control. that i cant. that even if i did go through the motion of it all, it wouldnt be the same and that it would end in crap. that the circumstance of responsibility has soured the flavour and now no amount of salts gonna make a difference. realisation also that i now had something to work towards. A future where i can run back to the park and slow time down. excercise that power i had, and lost a long time ago. oh the irony of it all. sigh. but it will happen. ill live that life again. i know.



the best pasta i ever had was with mrs leslie, dharvin and i think christopher, marc and justin gium at the british club. it was a salmon pasta. i dont remember what kind of pasta it was. i dont remember if the salmon was raw or smoked. dont remember what sorta cheese it was. but i remember how creamy and milky the sauce was. and how everything went so great together. the sauce, the cheese the salmon. how it was the most palatable thing that entered my mouth in a long time. how it was a promise of the life i thought i was heading towards.


enough of me. im out.

time wasting

Hearing Test Results

You correctly identified 26 tunes (out of 26) on the Distorted Tunes Test. Congratulations! You have a fine sense of pitch.
Thank you for taking the Distorted Tunes Test. More information about the the NIDCD's research into tone deafness is available from Dr. Dennis T. Drayna's web page.
http://www.nidcd.nih.gov/tunetest/

what a waste of time.

poems im workin on
"I wished i was an angel"
"no child of mine"
"skin"

anyways, here goes chapter one of "day dreams and noir nights". Or "the narrator". these are working titles.

"It starts with the end. Always does doesnt it. and this time was no different. no different from the last Damien's dad kicked him out of the house for breaking the curfew. no different from the last time both of them were reeking of alcohol and getting pissed at each other. no fucking different. no fucking different from each other. not that damien was one to deny that.
'but fuck man. ive got fucking school tomorrow. and whats he want me to do? go late? or really early, in my home clothes, wet from the dumbass rain. bullshit.'
and oh how right he felt. Absolut has a funny way of making you feel like that. How so damn right you are. so right then, Damien took the first bus he saw (incidentally the last bus in service) down to ang mo kio to spend the night at his friend, Sean's place. And thats the way this dreamy tale of teen angst, teen confusion, the meaning of life and all that jazz, goes.


It was raining in Pasir Ris but the remaining monsoon that watered the east seemed to have spared Ang Mo Kio from the wash. The lucky SBS which Damien caught was about as empty as the seats of Phua Chu Kang the musical; which doesnt mean it was totally empty: just the people who DID get on, were either there by accident or were people you dont bother about very much in your day to day life.
the nobodies. the side cast. fillers and extras making our scenes and moments in public feel less important, and distracting us from the truth: that everyone out there is actually soley interested in us. and aint that the real truth, huh? thats right. we know it. dont act like we dont. cause in this sad boring world of yours, all that matters is me, me, me. 16-fucking-acne-faced-yar-old-me. id pull a somesault, or talk to myself relatively loudy in public, as i buy my sunday morning prata, to confrim my theory. but that would be too much effort really. why bother when we already know the higher truth.


The seats were fresh-torn from punks ten rides ago, and Damien was nicely settled in. his legs pressed hard, folded, against the chair in front of his, dangling in front of him, feets off the ground. his back slouched so low down, it was where his ass should have been. he knew he was gonna get pins and needles sitting that way, but he wasnt gonna budge anytime soon. hell no. it was cool dammit. not that he needed anyone to tell him what cool was. cause if they did, they wont be too cool of him, see. but he understood what was cool. Cool FM, psychic airwaves fed him and played into his ear drum 24/7. cool vibes from cool people. That and his brother's decade old CD player. too old to be cool. too new to be retro. and that was cool too. damn.


"Oi, Sean. you awake. hey listen man.. haha. ehh. i need sorta like a favour. no i dont wanna get laid. fuck you man! im serious. hey listen, listen.. see the thing is. i cant go home. yeaa, my dad wont let me. yeaa. fuck you la, just hear me out. oi! no no... yea.. so anyways, i just wanna ask, is it okay if i stay the night? yes yes, ill be good. i wont do anything naughty. dude, your talking to me here. Damien. Day-Me-ern. Gaaah! dont be an asshole! please man, ple... Whoo! yes, i know. i know. your the man. totally. kay ill be there in half an hour kay. yea yea. your the man. thanks bro, thanks. kay ill see ya there. thanks!"

Sean really was a bastard, you could say. For starters he bastardized his own name. Lim Chow Sean, pronounced 'Lim' 'Chow' and 'Sien' pronounced the way that would make any 40-something year old aunty beam with pride suddenly became "Shawn" overnight. Not that he got away with it easily. "shawn chow shawn", "chow shawn" and "Lim Peh" were the names and price he had to pay for his trechery. But we all get niknames dont we. Just dont try and get a nikname for yourself. cause no matter what ur real name is, or what you choose your nikname to be, naming urself...no...thats just lame. and you dont want to be lame now, do you?..."


Kay thats enough of a sneak peak for you all. not too sure im happy with this start though. have a few more ideas i wanna try. a few more starting scenes or starting lines. hmmms. comments comments, please. wont be offended. unless you accuse me of copying someone else. then im afraid ill have to slap you. yeaps.


kays im off. going hiking later at 8. bleah!

how close before you open

"you ared. a violent red." Taking back sunday.


and newsweek perpetuates the myth of vietnam. And lining the top of the November 20th 2006 copy, goes the words " Vietnam: how the south won".

what fcukshit is that. dont mind me now as i quote and rant for the next five minutes or so.


"Hanoi's communist might have won the vietnam war, but southern born reformist are leading an economic boom as the country opens up to the world."


dickward. typical of an american news agency to ignore the fact that the vietnam war started as a civil war within south vietnam, and essentially remained so even after the US and DRV got involved. history gets whitewashed and eveything else, from perpectives to understandings, gets blurred. reality is uncertain, and nothing can be 'sure' anymore than i can be 'him'. doesnt really leave us as individuals with much to strive for. to quote vernon god little (which ive been doing alot lately) the world is filled with "fucken people. fucken people and their fucken human wants. get in the way of their wants and your screwed. serve those wants and youll find yourself doing good".


to sum it all up, everything is bull... and here we are human beings living in this world of bull, trying to surface to something greater in a world of people (and here i use the word people and human differently) but it become so immensely difficult to without becoming bull ourselves. so we resign, give up, forgetting about trying to change the world or making any impact, by creating our own little bubbles and living it out there as long as we can with our friends, music, and readings. the game shifts from the original intention to change, to a strategy of wait...


wait...


The following is part of a passage by Shashi Tharoor (Under Sceretary United Nations). Really struck a chord with me, especially after writing the above paragraphs, and talking to nicholas recently about life.


"So I have had no difficulty in saying openly that I am a believing Hindu. But I am also quick to explain what that phrase means to me. I'm not a "Hindu fundamentalist": I see Hinduism as uniquely a religion without fundamentals.


We have an extraordinary diversity of religious practices within Hinduism, a faith with no single sacred book but many. Hinduism is, in many ways, predicated on the idea that the eternal wisdom of the ages about divinity cannot be confined to a single sacred book. We have no compulsory injunctions or obligations. We do not have a Hindu Sunday, let alone a requirement to pray at specific times and frequencies.


Unusual religion.


What we have is a faith that allows each believer to reach out his or her hands to his or her notion of God.


Hinduism is a faith which uniquely does not have any notion of heresy - you cannot be a Hindu heretic because there is no standard set of dogmas from which deviation would make you a heretic.


So Hinduism is a faith so unusual that it is the only major religion in the world that does not claim to be the only true religion. I find that most congenial. For me, as a believing Hindu, it is wonderful to be able to meet people from other faiths without being burdened by the conviction that I have embarked upon a "right path" that they have somehow missed. I was brought up in the belief at all ways of worship are equally valid. My father prayed devoutly every day, but never used to oblige me to join him: in the Hindu way, he wanted me to find my own truth. And that I believe I have. It is a truth that admits of the possibility that there might be other truths. I therefore bring to the world an attitude that is open, accommodating and tolerant of others' beliefs. Mine is not a faith for those who seek certitude, but in an era of doubt and uncertainty, a religion that cheerfully accommodates both."


id usually tend to avoid religion in my blog, but id like to let this time, be an exception.


cheers. im out of here. to wherever my sms-es, guitar and books will lead me next.

return to sender

my parents.

i swear. ive no idea if they are possibly the best couple there is or the worst parents. their both so flawed, it almost cancels each others flaws out. like a poker card castle, all leaning in onto each other, so precariously, so stable.
but its only human to be flawed. it really is.



i woke up in new york city from my sleep behind the wheel. sigh.


had SUCH a strange dream last night.
a computer game about alice in wonderland. a few scenes of the game reminding me of 'nightmare before christmas'. rannald was the scarecrow. hunting the witch
my sister driving me at some points. ctaching the witch in my washing machine with amitha, using my shorts. my sister making snide witty jokes from some wall with miss nansi and mr rajesh. geetha and her 'friends' dancing and playing some barnyard animal game. some garden partt being organised by the new batch of SECDC people. Nivit and Claudyn running everything. andrea, marc, dean and sharon angdragon also there all waiting backstage to do something. nadiah from debates and nadia bein asked to emcee. nadiah's parents forcing away, and not letting her take part and driving away in a maroon nissan sunny. nadia looking unhappy. taking the lift with nadia and things start shaking and toppling over.


yeaa. weird. the only three scene in the dream was me travelling (where i entered the game) which was really freaky. the garden party scene. and the washing machine room scene.



im sure there were more scenes i forgot. its an amazingly long and strange dream.



kay im off. need to finish my two poems.

damn.

ages since ive gone out with my old st pats friends.

and there is just this something about them which makes it so easy to get along and let my guard down. no need to be sensitive. no need to worry bout how rude or mean or bastard i get. in fact its almost the opposite. the more bastard i am the more they recieve. haha. alas, i miss those days.


kyle, shane, joshua, kawai, mike.. gone so long. ah well... soon enough.


conspiracies take up my day. but alls well that ends well.


you have no idea do you...

clueless, clueless, you. sigh.


gonna sleep. debates tomorrow. borrowed books to read. badminton to be played. toilet to be cleaned.
gaah! later la. cow.

sunday

"we can do better than this. we are better than this."


drew sidora is hot.


kay im gonna sleep.


i need a secretary. organise ME!

a mime is a terrible things to waste

a mime is a terrible thing to waste. but eventually, when the silence is broken, my wits were bound to lead me to this path. so if ever you hear me preaching the benefits of petunias in a shaddy underpass along east coast park, dont say i didnt warn you. with sanity as precarious as mine, some things were bound to happen.


I hear noises at night. and i dont mean the opening of doors and banging of cupboards which i do hear right now, even though im alone at home. I hear distinct articulate and individual voices all whispering clearly to me from their various directions. i hear what they say, and try and make sense of it, cause i speak the truth when i say their words are new to me, and were not the projection of thoughts which i already possessed.


Ive seen people from the corner of my eyes dissapear, and send shivers down my spine. and im not talking about vague unformed forms and shadows of silhouettes of men, who upon a closer glance reveal themselves to be the most banal of objects in a most coincidental of arrangement. no, for i see vivid and sculpted feature, i see watches and worn down textures of checked shirts dissapear, when i turn, only to expose a background which the figure formally interrupted.


i have this most unexplainable tendency for allowing my memories to overlap. memories of different experiences, of experiences which have not yet happened, and memories of how certain event were supposed to happen. all overlapping in my mind, confusing me profusely. and for every deja vu that strikes, im striken twice, making predictability and randomness two equally confounding expressions which means nothing to me.


Ive lived 13 years in a terrace which i swear houses a boggart. one that breaks the appliances, leaks the roof, slams the door, misplaces our belongings and attracts the insects. the same biggart whose hand my sister saw closing the door on her, that friday night. the same boggart whom i talk to when im alone at home, and responds with thuds from the attic. The same boggart currently responsible for the sudden and increased frequency of decay. from the breaking of floor tiles to kitchen tops to toilet flushes. or perhaps its the movement of that boggart and its absence which is spawning the breakdwon.


Ive no doubt ive gone nuts. when sparrows circle the hawker centre their little voices yell in my mind "REVOLUTION, REVOLUTION, REVOLUTION!!!".
when i order a burger at BK, i strain my neck to look for the enslaved elflings working arduosuly in the kitchen.
when a glance at a certain black cat in my neighbourhood cause me to picture a certain girl i saw once at bugis.
when i cant help but associate rollerblades with zebras and time travel.


ah well. itll work out in the end.



elsyeeum's "your all i want" is beautiful. such deep grand and deliberate power. such control and depth. incredible. love the tone. even if the lyrics are a little uninspired.

this is right now

This song was started on mid autumns night, many a fridays ago, after a brilliant movie of a little girl and her family, and one of the most awake nights i spent at fort canning park.

the chorus deserves so much better verses. im still not satisfied with this version.. hmmm.


Mid autumn's Night
by Rishik V. Menon

and i said something..sometime back
along the lines..of "what the heck"
of "i dont care"..of what they think
am i way too rude.. am i out of sync
tuning up.. half three notes down
jotting down.. all the notes ive found...


moving in.. i find a stray
he's the one.. god gave away.
this room is dusty.. this room is gone.
these hills are alive.. from haze and song.
marvelling.. life's lack of stability
bordering..on mediocrity


bothering, so sweetly.


im begging for some life
in this mid-autumn's night
to take me anywhere. far away.
away from here.


im salvaging all my dreams
in this october somber scene
in the hope that ill get there. over there!
awaay~ From here!


looking forward.. to the day
cause it means.. nights not far away
looking back.. at my concrete dreams
feeling troubled..by what that means
taking time off.. for my green tea frappes
my barcadi breezers.. off like a trap...


whistling away.. snapping around
dodging at any.. administrative sound
diving deep.. into the grass
finding words.. which arnt too crass
finding me.. in this mess
painful to see.. ive so much less


less than i ever was.


im begging for some life
in this mid-autumn's night
to take me anywhere. far away.
away from here.


im slavaging all my dreams,
in this october sombre scene.
in the hope that ill get there. over there.
waay. away from here.


(Im embracing all this silence...)
im embracing all this sileeeencceee!!!!


and yea.. im begging for some life.. in this mid autumn's night.
take me anywhere. anyhere, away from here..
im salvaging all my dreams.. in this october sombre scene.
in the hope that ill get there, over there...yeaa... away from here...


away from here.

questions and silence

ted haggard's gay. hmmm. interesting...


there was something on my mind... i cant remember what now... hmmm...it had to do with me. thats all i know. but what... what was it... sigh.


so yesterday started out at a pretty fucked up day. 15 dollar cab ride for a meeting which starts half an hour late, tends to make you feel that way. getting caught for something which you didnt do wrong is also extremely pissing off. wtf la mr chang. i have no idea how ur mind works. and im glad for it.


The only thing more annoying than trying to force myself to 'respect' or 'remain humble' with people with so shockingly backward a thinking process is perhaps trying to be patient with people who condescend towards me. critical thinking my ass. we do that in KI. whatever man.


but yesterday ended well. haha. nothing like a jog with a friend. nothing like the night well spent. nothing like feeling liberated from that chain that connects you to the big spider web in the sky. nothing. well. nearly nothing at least.


and in the mean while the rest of us have to wait patiently as gravity slowly sucks me back to my hell hole. now with added sugar. sucks doing work which means nothing to me. but itll all be over soon enough. PW. orientation. CNY carnival. mega house function. HC camp.
and hearing their voice go on and on about "this is our year. this is our batch. we need to make an impression", you really cant blame me for being so cynical. bollocks to ur ego. bollocks to all that bull. no ones gonna remember you when you leave dammit. No one steps in the river twice. Your there once, and your imprints are washed away, so please dont drag me d(r)own with you in your blinded attempts to force our names onto the sand. d(r)own. down.


Decembere 11th 2005, i wrote of a temporary victory of mine. a victory of character. but it seems like the war has started all over again. back to square fucking one. gaaah. here we go again.


i dont wanna do it alone. but i cant really help this cicrumstance i find myself in right now. the fluidity of my company and my "in-between" location making this the most inopportune time for selfdiscovery. hmph.


----------------------
its always been awkward. and strange as it sounds, i blame the company. i really do.
----------------------


kay, my dads gone for bangkok, and ive no real plans till like 4, so nows a good time to finish one of my poems.


"maybe when im done with endings, this can begin.."


be gin.
be right back.

bite me

"im still not Deee-aaaad!"

riverboat gamblers. haha. sweet.


you know what. im feeling claustraphobic.


work calls to me. my calendar is screaming for some ink. my laundry, some soap. my dad, some hands.


"no tomorrow" by Orsons..
whistle, nod ur head, snap ur fingers as we stroll towards the mess of our own making together.


"oo- o0- Wo- OH!"

mmm. smiles.

dreadfully uncomfortable

dreadfully uncomfortable.

alot has been going on.


departed. soup spoon. poetry slam. pool. results. HC elections. HC meetings. OGL meetings. mr tong meetings. SECDC debate camp 2. Basketball with ryan and random bballers. tamil exams. NLB. sakae sushi. PW rehearsals.


things happen, and events in our life tend to take us from moment to emotion to moment to emotion. but in the sum of all things, there is always that overarching sense and mood that undertones the disected parts. trying to come to terms with that mood, can leave you more troubled and disconnected than my usual treshold allows for.

im not at ease. not now, no.

...
still not finished orientation script. gaaah.


"Running away, i cant pretend..."

i know i should be working on my orientattion script at the moment. and/or my IR. but the release this typing and venting gives me is far to tempting to avoid. hoots.


listening to "all time low" by hellogoodbye. good band, they be.


The departed has earned its place in my list of all time favourite movies. Just under 'Little miss Sunshine" and somewhere above "gangs of new york". SUCH a good movie.


was thinking to myself how my life would have been if i just stayed in hockey in TJ from day one. no debates no council. just hockey. things sure would be different. for one, i would probably stay in science. for another i would never have gotten involved in debates and poetry slam and such. i might still have known my classmates, but it wouldnt have been the same. id probably be darker and more fit. id probably avoid all problems and entanglements with mr tong too. hmmm...


god bless me. pressures building.


im off.