Ska and corine may arnt the same

There was a point in my life when seeing ppl dressed in tapered pants, mesh caps, denin jackets, anything vondutch, and wearing the ugliest shoes bought from peninsula plaza would really irk me. i dunno why, but just looking at them pissed me off so bad, i couldnt stand it.

but i dunno. after awhile i really think ive gone immune to it. and right now ive found myself a new fashion foe.

pink polo tees, basketball berms, mesh caps, flip flops, gold-dyed hair, basketball vests, or grossly obviously pirated 'addiddas' or 'nice' shoes.

eww. ewww.

one thing i noticed abotu me and some of my friends is our great affinity to resorting to using the day or the month as an excuse for things we do.

"rishik should i eat that? its really unhealthy!"

"dont worry its friday"

"hey i feel so bad. i didnt study the whole day"

"yeah i know.... its sunday la"

"argghh! eveyrthing is pissing me off"

"its okay ah. september."

haha. i think the strange thing is how we so easily accept these answers and reasons without thinking twice. haha. simplicity in reasoning. siigh. thats what we all need at the moment,

or not.

on another note. Amitha just claimed to be santa's little helper. hmmm. im not even sure if i should say anything right now... hmmm... yea, i really shouldnt.

bleaah. really should be reading history.

dying, waiting for the exams to end. and imagining the possibility of parties, rocking and going wild. sigh. cause i know we will. and everything will be just the way i never imagined it to be, and ill lose myself in the moment and ill return home not myself or at night, and feel fufilled in so many ways more than a good grade can ever begin to. and i know its gonna happen. and ill break free. siigh... and life will be on track, and off beat, and will start making sense to me, by losing all its sensibilities.

mmmm.

"Ski masks!"

"CHECK!"

"Sawed off!"
"CHECK!"

"Guilty conscience, fear of death.."
"CHECK! CHECK! CHECK!"

scar tissues that i wish you saw

yeaa. its been a week of happy birthdays and all that.


if happy is the word to use at all.


styduying at airport does me good.
and it really does feel like the floodgates of my happy past has opened. or at least small little cracks have formed allowing the cream to flow through the top.


thinking of them: marc, geetha, kubo, theodore, alfred, david, chris, and all the rest from 4e1...


good news ive heard so far: joshua lee (current vice head of st pats) has got his dsa to TJ.
Kubo has quite a high chance of coming in as well. if he gets his A1s.


and the rest of you... please do consider. its not that bad... if your in arts.


kay, my migraine is killing me. im off...


ipoh white coffee and marshmellows. siiigh... haha. now THATS where the word 'happy' is appropriate. mmmm~!
=)

star light

images flood my mind.


of kallang waterfront theatre.


of dbs arts centre.


or theatre, drama and plays.


and all the dreams i always had.


and all the dreams i never lived.


and all the regrets i had resigned myself to live with.


and now the beautiful chances flashed before me.


Just top it off with the muse's "starlight".
beautiful.

of idols and exams.

so sg idol is over. and this is all i have to say:


'SHOULD I STAY' ROCKS!

honestly. its a really dam cool song. was in my head the whole day.

"Its hard holding you, loving you, losing you!"

sigh.
anyways i know i said i only had oen thign to say...
but come on. who are we kidding here.


so here are my comments.

jonathan rocks. SOO much cooler than hady. dont you know it.
FINALLY paul sings a song which suits him.
electrico is my singapore idol.
mathilda has like the next best vocal power in SI.
Nurul has a daaam cute voice. (siigh..<3 )
Joakim shouldnt sing.
Daniel shouldnt host.
Joakim should take over Daniel next season!
jonathan should stop trying to be 'miss universe'-esque and commenting after the judges.
jacintha... siigh...
Jonathan should take over Jacintha next season!
whoo! im brilliant.


grades school life and shit. its going well. what can i say. Must do well for KI. gotta start showing my mettle for history. and got start mugging fer econs. lit, sweet lit. please dont fail me. sigh.


and my PW EOM is kicking ass! whoo! frum fucking failing to E-fucking EXCEEDING expectations! sweetness.


ben and jerry cravings. and the taste of pepsi in my mouth. hmmm. strange.


im off. wanna buy guitar this weekend.


"should i stay or should i go"

put out the candles

This poem was written in early 2005. 2005: when i was forcing myself to be as distant as possible from the scouts and shape into the role of a student, prefect and everything which i originally wanted to be. where i basked in the aircon of the heritage room watching in awe as the ELDDS performed and rehearsed, feeling like one of them, yet... not quite. not yet.. 2005: When i rekindled my childhood love for writing, and took it a step further. But i never decided to put it (the poem) up, cause i always felt there was work to be done. there was room for improvement. but yet everytime i look at it, i cant bring myself to change it. So here, unedited, uncut,

"Put out the candles"
Mister Menon


Put out the candles
The fumes so toxic
Lock away these emotions
I begin to feel sick
These days are getting longer
The smell is getting strong
Your eyes are dead
I refuse to know
When everything feels so wrong


My ink has run dry
My thoughts have come to halt
Abuse of such a powerful gift
Its useless, full of fault
My images are fading
This plan has come to work
Against all odds, I force myself
And it leaves me in the lurk


Tying up these instruments
That give life to songs and sentiments
Breaking all the clocks that I can see
I lock myself in lies so old
I’m scared the truth is far to cold
Without a second glance I throw the key


---------------------------------------


thought of this tune this morning. decided to put it down in tabs. pretty simple. but whateheck.

I shall christian it, 'Sparetime with nylon"

---2-------2---0-------0--------------
------3-----------2--------3-------3---
---------2-----------2--------4--------
----------------------------------5----7
-----------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------


ciao.

ramble ramble rambles. on.

when whathisname crossed some rubicon
by
Vidyarishik Vijayadas

so when i hear another one of those
"lets stay friends forever" or when
the sound of faith being misguided
with the uttering of "twenty years down..
or maybe ten, or (for the more realistic,
yet equally optimistic) five years down,
will do, "invite me when you say 'i DO'"
cause we do (or we say, at the very least)
we will never ever forget you.
But my arguement against this wishful,
build up of lies and highly improbable dreams,
doesnt just lie in the chance of stepping into
a rapid, fifty something horse powered river, where time flows
at break need speeds, and its impossible to step
where you stepped once again, but also in the fact
that while we get swept away with our lives
and our interregnums between our time
with each other, the process of sweeping
has this annoying little result of shaping
and moulding, and for the ironic effect
they say, "stream-lining" us to people we werent
and are not. and people change, and I change
and you change, and your changing right now,
as you read this, your impression of me,
as well as those highly complex inner workings
that at one point, i strived so hard to
come to terms with and comprehend.
But thats changed too.
So while we say we know, and while we say
we might 'miss', in the same context as one might
in reference to untimely public transport,
you must understand my reservations
and my skeptcism that that might truly
be the case, cause the you that, perhaps (im not
saying 'i did') i might have been missing,
is undoubtedly no, not the you that im
hearing, and reading, and looking and
simply interacting. and the same applies
for me, and i have no doubt you can see,
but yet, in spite of this clarity in the fact
that who i am now, can mean next to nothing to yee,
i still act with reservation and conservation of energy,
cause i fear many many things
which are not unlike you playground rejections
and dwell in that same real of emotions.
for i have been guilty of getting annoyed
and feeling frustrated when skeletons
cast their hopes and perceptions tied to their
bait and sinker from locked closets, and i so
so so badly desire to be no where like that.
and thats a surprisingly high motivating factor.
a motivation for my lack of initiative and
my fear of exposure, that some likeness
might be drawn to me and that ghoul,
that has simply got me using every method
i can to not reveal hints or provide allusions
which have propensity to give consequence
to young ladies. and thats just that.
running out of things to say, and so
going back to the topic of interaction,
i believe i quite clearly elaborated
on my every excuse to avoid it
and i dont embrace it, but i accept, that
sometimes, in the larger scheme of things
the past isnt that reliable absolute
that we would so conveniently wish it to be.


whooo.
goodnight

student rick

fer soem reason student rick's "falling for you" reminds me off some old school (like in e 60s) class room scene in black and white where the guys have slick 'bryl cream'ed hair, dancing on tables for the giggling girls with hairs larger than their faces. twirly.



yea la. better study soon. bla bla bla.



gaah. time to get more clinical aint it.


kay la i better go sleep. done waking up late.
about time i take it more seriously.


pfft. =P

i was spinning free

really doesnt feel anywhere near the promos.


just feels like normal school. without the CCA. if you could call that normal.


Sweetness by Jimmy eat World is my current 'it' song.


whoo! loving it.


"I WAS SPINNING FREE! WOAH-A-A-A-A-A-A!!"


"thats a LAME reason not to join drama!" hahah.
i live life with regrets and ghosts. i live life to the fullest.


if i could inspire people the way ben tay does. whoot. that would be something. its gotta be something i gotta master. and got to stop switching to that 'debator' voice thing. haha. sigh. now THAT would be something.


if i had gon insane and i spent the rest of days hallucinating i was in just one place for the rest of eternity. heres where id want to be.

either...
a library. a bookshop. starbucks. Ikea. those jewellery ads driving a car at night..


tweedles. i fall. away. a w a y.

a w a y.

a


w


a


y


.

im the god of small things

before i go on. let me just say this. whena blogger tells you what hes eating, readingm listening to. or even recoutns his whole day for you. its more than just an act on its own, of 'telling you'. its about setting the context. so your now that much closer to understanding.


its all bout setting the context.

-----------------------------------------


this is actually the second time im writing this. first time it didnt publish. and im not dissapointed. i suppose it happens. no use getting worked up.


but im convinced it rained today. its the only thing which can explain all this.


the sleepy feeling. the lerthagic yet dreamy attitude. the warm cosy goosebumps running down my ams. only the rain can do that.


reading god of small things and listening to something corporate. nice combination. now if only if it rained.. sighh...


its already september? fuck man. time flies so fast... so dam fast....
but despite flying so fast, some things just werent meant to last, were they?


feeling nostalgic. and feeling like writing.


Linus to marcus: Im gonna make it man. Your gonna see me there, in the music scene one day. I WILL. just wait.


wish i could say that about my writing. someday. soemhow. but ive no idea what my future holds for me.



while taking that quiet walk home, my eyes darted from white washed wall to whit washed wall. and i was thinking to myself. what is my culture? i dunno where i belong, or where im qualified to say "I DO" belong. i cant say, i cant tell, i cant comprehend this.


i once said, that what people see in you, is what you want them to see.

but it gets tough. trying to remember the 'who' that is 'you' when its time for 'you' to be, near 'who'.

---------------------------------------------------
aspects of my childhood return to haunt me. in the form of KI class, biscuits and old classmates.

----------------------------------------------------


i respect miss nansi for doing lit the uni. and for choosing a career as close as possible to her passion. but i dunno. i look at her, i think about my own life. what am i gonna end up doing. cause one things for sure: i dont intend to spend the rest of my life teaching.



but intentions and reality are two veyr different concepts of course.


"did you know i missed you" konstantine.


im off.

she doesnt know who i am

"she doesnt know who I am...

and she doesnt give a dam about me..

cause im justa TEENAGE DIRTBAG, BABYY!

YEA IM JUSTA TEE-NAGE DIRTBAG BABYYY!

LISTEN TO IRON MAIDEN, BAB-EE with meeeE! (ooOOoH)"


hahaha. i just realised the woird 'baby' was repeated alot in the song. hahaha.



sigh. i doubt i could ever bring myself to call ANYONE 'baby'. except maybe a baby. and a certain dog or two.



strange dream involving, expensive cab fares, reuniting with primary school tamil class friends, soccer, shoplifting, dharvin, nigel, hiding in reaally big phone booths, wearing inapproriate footwear, huge fields of rolling green grasses, and st pats....


you know, i actually DO hear voices in my head at night. im dead serious. they come from various directions but its from my head. and they say the strangest things which i cant make sense of. its not me thinking to myself. its just pure random voices. distinct voices, at that too. not the same one...


well im off. gonna go study.

back home

back home.


and gosh. nothing beats that feeling of being with your friends.


and just having a good time. and chilling out.
from joyful highs to comforting calms.


was talking bout it to nadia. so true. nothing beats companionship of friends.


whether its watching TV, surfing you tube, making our own you tube videos, cooking, dancing, playing scrabble, performing at poetry slam, drinking (coffee of course), studying, travelling, listening to music, bla bla bla. never failing to elevate the normality of the actions to the unforgettable moments they are.


so im gonna say it out, right now. TJC. thank you. for giving me this amazing class of friends which give those, otherwise, five days of drugery, the life which i so love and desire.


gonna sleep now.
loving my music.
loving parks.
loving food.
loving friends.
loving nights.


if only we could just stay over, and dint go home so early. sigh.


MXPX "darkest places"

Gelare has my taste in music

if i were to imagine my classmates reading something... this is what i imagine they would read.


sam: men's health
rannald: the economist
lizzy: sandman.
amitha: lord of the rings
sabrina: prep
shereen: the devil wears prada
Nadia: first or 8 days.
kenneth: sophie's world
daryl:hmmm... i dunno.
bibi: who moved my cheese
soefie: Mathilda
andrea: the english teacher
sakina: princess diaries
sugu: adrian mole
samantha: time traveller's wife
josephine, rachel, genevieve and pei yi: ehh. i dont know. NOT shakespeare.
dinah and zhenghui: sleepover club. babysitter club. malory towers.
hui min: the new paper sports section



yeaps. so those are my guesses. dont ask me why i decided to do it. was just feeling like it. hahah. some are pretty true. the rest are just plain speculative wild guesses and or jokes.


so my idea of celebrating 'holi' in TJ. i think its just gonna work. whoot! this is gonna be great. the only thing thats gonna come between me and this project would be the admin. ahha.



today i discovered a huge parallel between the TJ SC and the general council of colonial era indochina. haha. the lessons we learn from (se-asian) history.


celebrated sakina's birthday today at pizza hut. studied at gelare.


men...

"heres advise man. Girls are nothing but trouble"
"true. but guys love looking for touble, dont they"


ladies...
"rishik... U R Hot"
"really? aww. your far too kind. ur hot too."
"liar, liar, your on fire. cause your so hot"
"sitting next to you, anyone can catch fire."



it makes no difference. this innane ability to spout cheesy lines, i accredit to hours of reading cheesy chicken soup for the soul in my childhood. haha. and id do eveyrthing in my power to surpress it. but it still comes out. look, look! its coming again!


make my mealbread whole.
by ri-sheek! the menon.


Im hiding between sheets
of sullen silence thats driven
by a mixture of pride, an
already brusied ego, and a
sore open place in my chest
that reveals more than i would
want it to.


Im hiding behind the excuse
of tire, lack of sleep and
maybe certain genetic
circumstance to explain
the redness of my eyes,
following those familliar
sessions of contemplation
thinking and not thinking,
all at the same time.


i hiding from the noise
which i hear in my head
as i gaze at the empty seat
next to mine on the long
bus rides home, passing
by more sights which
invite more voices for
the trial cases in my mind.


Im hiding from the stone
cold reluctance to converse
that sweeps over me,
when i recieve
those two liner messages
that ever so often plague
my memory juxtaposed to
the daunting understanding
of your capacity for causerie.


cause id give feeling lost
without qualification
a preferential treatment
any day, and staying at home,
then to confirm
my strayed direction
in a street which i once
called mine, own.


yes. that's what I call cheesy. haha.


"you all may, off"

sense of urgency

i think im about just cleared every CCA related knot left untied.



thai express and softshell crab. mmmmm. satisfaction.



love talking with my classmates. we really CAN talk for ages without getting bored. whether or not we should, is another question.



sleeps alittle. awakes alittle. studied alittle. prays alittle. goes home and files his notes a little.




rolll. THUD! roll... THUD! roll..... THUD!... roll...THUD!





of ice lemon tea bottles and lecture tests.


while filing noticed these few trends. my econs started out pretty good. then i started failing. my history is uber fluctuative. my lit is 16/25. simply that. sixteen. and my maths isnt even completed save for the common tests. haha. says alot. and my KI file was too massive and too much of a mess for me to dare sort out. for now at least.


go sleep la. time is running out. and staying awake is a waste of time in many ways.


so every now and then, my mind wanders into that wonderous topic and this feeling of overwhelimng weight on my back takes over me. and it suffocates and gravitates my mind and thoughts away from my present life. well its not that frequent at least. heh....



sigh...


the stark contrast between supernova and sg idol is disheartening. that our 'best' are so... boring. and supernova really is an entirely whole new level. world class. everyone of them.



they brought ryan back for awhile today. was really cool. "back of the car".


anyways here is my class photo and my council photo. think its really incredible that both these pics were taken on the same day, yet i look waay uglier in class pics.


and it gets worse in the informal class shots. something about my smile thats absolutely perverted and/or horny in those shots.



kays im gonna sleep now. ciaos.


family holiday to macau. sigh. what was i thinking.

stumble onto your words

Lizzy: I think its time we go back to our old routine
Rishik: ?? oh! you mean what we used to do during JCTs?
Lizzy: yeaa.
Amitha: what did you do during JCTs?
Rishik: we, we used to study.


hahaha. wow. talk about insightful. doesnt get any more straightforward then that.



so studied with michelle, de wei, nadia and debbie at gelare. saw alot of random uncconnected people at siglap. ryan, wai kit, rotcha and those st pats juniors. whose names escape my current memory. and finally read a little and studies with amitha and lizzy.



honestly dont see the point of highlighting more than 7/8ths of your notes. the point is to HIGH LIGHT. not colour your notes. or keep your hand occupied as you read them.



drift off to the strangest sorta sleeps when i study soemtimes. semi unconcious day dreams. of sorts. as in i know im asleep. and i think about things connected to something i was thinking about earlier. and i lose control and my thoughts fork into the these strange vague sleepy images. not quite a dream. but its sorta of like being awake and seeing a dream being formed; by letting myself fall asleep. yeaa. hmm.



"when i waked, id cry to sleep again" caliban, the tempest, shakespeare.



sc room is nicer now. and i sorta agree with keng mun and steph. but sorta agree with the letter too. hard to explain, this awkward position, which i posture...


joshua the current vice head prefect of st pats got dsa-ed to TJ. wow. who would have guessed. ah well.


im gonna go now. if not now i dont know when.

perfect time of night

HC proposals, and minutes, and files.


affirmations and evaluations.


PW homework.


its all of that which makes me lose my love for paper.


paperwork.. *shudders*.



and there are some of us who start their prelim woes today. and some of us who start panicking bout em promos. and then, there is always that one abrasion of the norm: that whack job typing on his online journal, doing house com admin, and then a thought crosses his mind: "hey. i got an idea! i wanna help out in this year's CDC debate camp!" hahah.



sigh. so was reading " a thing or two about curtis and camilla". and had no idea reading could be so painful. i didnt meant "this book sucks, painfull" but "i really feel and relate to the characters and gosh omg, that fucking sucks," painful. and i mean, hey, thats why i bought the book to begin with. i could totally relate to the blurp. but reading it... i had no idea i could emote with the character to such a large extent. and ouch.. i need to read it in short spurts. cant take it too long.



kays im off. ill start studying on thursday.

being grown up in such a waste of time.

kays ive decided. im gonna cut my hair. this after checking out an old picture of me and stix at Ipoh. haha. plus i cant stand the way it gets all bushy around my ear, ala wolverine style. neaah. NOT cool.


haha. dont ask me how this picture made me think about my hair. it just DID okay. accept it. haha.



bought new shoes and a school bag. incidentally the new bag i bought is identical to my old one, in every way except for the colour scheme. haha. so much for introducing soemthing 'fresh' or 'new' into my life. haha. three cheers for sweet familliarity.


moon.


standard of long john silver is horrible. everytime i go there i cant expect much. service sucks. attidude is plain bad. serving portions have gotten smaller. and now, its not even properly cooker. amazing considering how long it took before it came. youd think after being cooked for so long it wouldnt end up RAW. crappyness.


dumbest ad ive ever seen ona bus. "sunblack not suntan." what the hell. -_-.. like Yesss. DUH. i dunno la. ive have no idea how to respond to something as idiotic as this. sigh.



school tomorrow. im off.

dang werid dreams

dang weird dreams.


involved propelling down a wall, with some commando dude. except this dude knew me. like we were pals or soemthing. and after awhile it i was on the beach. it was sentosa. except, you know, i KNEW it wasnt sentosa. and i was there with... quite alot of people at different times... from kubo and joseph and david. to this unknown girl i didnt know. who got chased away by some other girl. whom i ran away from. chatted to some old uncles. and in the end, i ended up pretending to fly with Joel.. i think that was the strangest part of the dream. i mean firstly.. Joel in my dream. wtf. just strange.



really nothing to blog about. really nothing worth saying, or for you people to bother reading. dont even knoe why i bother typing this out. sigh. compulsive, aint it.



need. want. someone. anyone. to just talk to me. and help me feel like i am truly living.

or maybe this junior college sorta life isnt meant to allow room for that.



boring dammit. so fucking empty. siigh. at best, i just wait and hope that ill get over it sooner than later.


on a lighter note arthi understands me perfectly.


out.

come and go

seasons come and go. even in singapore. its cyclic you know. it really is.



but thats just at the surface. maybe i wouldnt make a difference. if i had gone to tampinese jc or CJ or meridean fer that matter. maybe it wouldnt matter if i had or hadnt joined council. if i did or didnt stay in hockey. if i tried or didnt try to make things work.


maybe it would have more meaning. or less.



maybe it would feel more real. or maybe thats not what i want.



maybe it measn im still learning. maybe it means i havent learnt anything yet.



maybe there is a period of time in our life where we are allowed to have fun. and that time is up.



maybe i im just beginning to understand. maybe im just beginning to start lying to myself. maybe ill be doomed to this forever. maybe that will be heaven. maybe ill never die. and ill just carry on living in this perpetual state of emotional volatility.



maybe i was meant to live for some other purpose than i want to. maybe not. maybe if i stayed in science. went into chemical engineering. worked in shell. maybe thats what should have been my purpose. or maybe i should stop thinking.



maybe im not really gonna go anywhere at all. maybe i dont want to. maybe i just want to have all the glory and do none of the work. maybe i dont want any glory at all.



and the desire is stronger than ever. to just start rolling down the green grass of pasir ris park. even as itchy and scratchy as the grass may be, the romatincism of rolling is enough to make me forget the crudeness of reality and life. maybe.




but let me just make a statement which i realised one evening not too long ago on the bus home.


Life is short and you only live once. but how do we wanna live it? Live for life? or live for the legacy? cause there is now and there is tomorrow, and sooner or later we all gotta choose where were gonna be headin. cause you cant have both. itll just mean a painful migraine where you wake up in a world heading neither there, without being able to appreciate the here.

gather ye rosebuds

two observations. the more occupied your mind is, the easier it is for time to fly.
plus the more occupied your mind is, the less concentrated you get, and the more likely you are to go and buy groceries.



deployed kiran to help me in my novel. cause i desperately need female insight. which i decisively lack. haha. is that the right use of the word, 'decisively?' I dont think so. someone tag if im wrong, and it the word should be 'decidedly'. or if i should just go with 'definitely'. haha. what the hell man.



and what the fuck. just because the bus comes late doesnt mean im loser enough to wanna miss busses and talk to my friends. kartika'kka was soo right. just plain irritating when amma jumps to conclusions. gaah.



with exams so near, its strange how willing I am to go out for reasons besides study. topped with my stange new carelessness with my cash, its just bizzare. even on normal periods of time im not willing to invest/blow my dough away on stuff like pool, bbqs, mud pies and jamming studios. haha. dunno whats gotten into me. sigh.



well before i screw around with more of my time, i better finish the script i owe me pw team.


macdonals is like the worse case scenario dinner. when all else fails, and youve run out of options. there is still macs.

in a hapiier world, that option would be the 24 hour pratas or crispy noodles from the hawker. but they dont deliver. neeagh.



holidays huh.. yea man. hell yea. only with school.



tomorrow morn gonna do some running. need to bring pw costumes. and MCR. and 10 bucks for josh's bbq. ahha. whoot...



well well... no reason to keep writing. some things are just meant to be said. or discussed. like every subject im doing. hmmm. whatever.



goodnight.

lately

maybe...
maybe its just a little too late.


and nearly.
almost nearly missed that date.


cause lately.
lately ive been feeling displaced.


i know you dont hate me.
you dont feel anything, anyway.


so take me
far away from this place!


I dont care, who can hear me!
just help me to escape....


well maybe...
its just a little too late.

you play pool, i gape in disbelief

so happy Onam all you malaylees out there.
i suppose mine was a happy one. of sorts. heh.. cause ive really run out of adjectives which could come close to describe how i feel.



sigh. one thing i never got about MSN display pics, was how guys loved to put hot girls and girls loved putting 'hot' guys on their pic. like... wtf.. its supposed to show something which represents YOU... i dunno. maybe im just a poor misguided youth. happens alot. sigh.



but did you people know, that you can feel strangely satisfied when you go straight from your bed to the kitchen, without brushing your teeth or showering to greet your grandma. =DD. such inexplicable happiness. all that ive got pushing me on.



i dont get the whole obsession the world is with people and dying. its a real phenomenon, that reveals our sick morbid obsessions. and steve irwine and the MSN turtles arnt the first. there was the 'mourning for pluto', also on MSN. and when christopher reeve passed away, there was also all that, "supe's dead =((" crap going around on MSN. makes you wonder. just how much of this is sincere. how much is real. and who are the posers and those just going with the crowd, and cult mentality. so sad, that someone's death can be reduced to something to trivial. like a turtle. give the dude some respect. take out the turtle. im sure its very touching, but its really an insult to his memory. sigh. i dunno. maybe its just me, that dont get this sort of sentimental shit.


so while everyone else was cooking, my only task for lunch was to get banana leaves from the jungle behind our house. so off i went with my parang and clippers, intot he long grass whilst still in view of my house, cut the leaves. and all this while my eyes were on the lookout for insects or snakes. and was pretty surprised cause, well, there wasnt any. not t all. not even ants on the banana tree. it was only when i got reached my front door, and got greeted by a spider, did i see insects again. siigh. so thats where all the buggies went, huh? sigh. figures...

wonders how were ever gonna sell it.



family's going JB tomorrow. sigh. i swear. its been 9 years since i left the malaysia/ batam sphere of influence. and 9 months since i even left mainland singapore. and no, sentosa is not counted. sigh. and ive lost count the number of times my family/ my parents have gone to malaysia without me. ah well. whats one to do, when one puts school ahead of travelling.


met the old gang to study at the airport. then played pool at monster cue. =)


"i dont know you, who do i know... do you know, you, the you that i wanna know.."

You Should Be a Musician

You have a rare combinations of talents: an ear for music, nimble fingers, and the willpower to practice. You could master almost any instrument you choose to play (if you haven't already!)

What Sort of Artist Should You Be?

strange. was expecting the answer to be 'writer'. hmmm. ah well. well nonetheless ive returned to my novella, and i like the ways its heading.



i used to take pride in how distinctly unique my voice was. whiny, oily, sneery, drunk, the point was it was still unique. at camps and during morning PT, you knew it was me shouting, not cause i was loud but cause of the rarity of such noise quality. so i was as proud as a peacock, till lately, whenever someone called, they mistook me for either my bro or my dad. once even both.

"hello Veej?"
"no.. rishik."
"Kartik!! oh its you!"
"... No.. rishik"
"...rishik? OH, rishik!"


haha. slow toppling of everything ive ever been proud of.haha. yes that sound in the distance. thats the crumbling of my ego. haha.



well ive rambled more than ive had to, once again. im off.

gibbous glory

listening to konstatine and bedroom talk.
but absolution is currently the most repeated song in my play list.
and brandon should be sending me the whole horde of SoCo songs i downloaded at his house over to me soon.. soon enough.



so without fear of pimples i munch away on my Mars and type this entry.



shaaa. sunday sunday. time wasting sunday. well i dunno. was kinda fun. goin from TRLibrary to singpost to finally brandon's place. cant say where i was most productive. haha. but without a doubt i can say the most fun was brandon's place with jeremy and brandon. siiigh. everythinf from arriving, to watching south park to talking pure bull, to dinner. feels so good. like you know your home. your ocmfortable. and you can sya what you want. and its really pure freedom. haha. one step closer to the 'ideal world' right. haha. wish i could just spend my days like that more often. but promos coming round the corner, so yeah. haha. should seriously reconsider my priorities.


was talking to jeremy about law. ahha. now heres a thought. get a teaching shcolarship and get a degree in law? genius, ye, no? haha. i dunno. i need help in further eductaion choices. but at the moment i think a law and journalism double degree would be wicked sick. maybe law and political science. but thats kinda sickening. dont really wanna go into politics. not in the long term, at least.



today woke up late for school. mom drove me there to pass up my history assignment to mr bala. haha. siigh. seriously 'teacher mindset', as sugu said. siigh. but i love my mom. haha.


after 'school' (whatever was left of it) watched nadia's short movie. and boy was it funny. i didnt know whether to puke or laugh. so i laughed as much as i could to stop myself from puking. haha. was rrrreal bad. but alas, its not nadia's fault. haha.


but she is such a great host. and my friends were real nice company. just chilling and talking and watching movies, and 'dancing', and watching youtube, and listening to random songs, and eating and stuff. left after shrek 2. and was really fun. siigh. but not in the same way i had fun at brandon's place. yeaa..


went gym today. haha. whata waste of time. seriously need to do somehting about my weight. haha. fuck la.


now in a response to sugu on why single sex schools have more fun, and is a better place for holistic development. in a single sex school, you are free. you have the freedom to not care about figuring out the other sex. you have time to grow and experiment and no fear of embarassment or at least no SERIOUS embarassment. you arnt rushed, or pressured into any particular shape or mould. you develop your own. and as for exposure and behaving around the other sex. well trust me, there is enough time for all that, after school. but at least in a single sex school, you get your 'own time'. those few curriculum hours breathing freely, without worry or disturbance.


siigh. st pats rocks, dammit. siigh.


ode to being half past six.
by me. mr menon.


Gibbous moon in all your glory
give me hope, id give you a story
of a girl standing by a door
she holds the key to a world of more
life than you have ever dreamt of
your wildest imaginations, dwarved
so send me a song, by the night today
cause 'pastimes', just a nice word we say
when we have nothing better to dooo...
and when im done trying to reach out to yooou. you. ooh.


so i give up on my light verse
and im not caring what you think
no, im not done being defenseless
just done missing everything.
these words are not well spoken
excited, im stu-stuttering
but at least i got my senses
not as common as youd think.




the last song in shrek two. "i need a hero". was really beautifully orchestrated. but was thinking. im no hero. im no prince. im no punk. im no academic. im no romantic. im no bad boy. im no good boy. i dont know...


dotn want to be any stereotype. just want to be rishik. was raising my voice at my mom this morning. cause she was nagging about my pants not being ironed and all. and i mean. i dont care if im in council or if i was the president or whatever. i do what i do not for living up to some dumbass image or expectation. i do it formyself. and the only image i want is, mine: 'rishik'.Not 'rishic' nor 'reshik'. but just plain


rishik...


"The courtroom is in order. You bring the victim, and we choose the martyr!"

gosh gosh gosh

oh my oh my. was reading my old posts and entries and i am dissapointed! what the hell have i gone? where was the old me. the cool little kid who made way more typos than the kid of today, but didnt care about it. and just wrote. and spewed pure 'moment' and 'now' meant now when he typed it, and he was confident and headstromg about what he wrote. and he believed in it. and the ebst part was, he would argue about it. on paragraphs on end he would talk to himself and expose the world to his vulnerability and everything he was. and that was what his art was. his soul gushing out onto a strange html format, and some deep dying ddesire to not be forgotten.


which is why i say fuck to all the new visitors that make me ever so self concious about what i say, and what you think of me, and how i lose who i am, if ever i was someone to begin with.


well, my dear brothers and sistes. this aint gonna stay this way for much longer. im done being politically correct, or trying to snide people with strange indirect comments, which eveyrone else doesnt gove two shits about. im going back to treating this like a diary, or a platform for self discovery. but heres the rule.



You read this blog. you do NOT, you DO NOT talk to me about it as a topic on its own. you may bring it up as a side mention, but let it be known, i shall avoid it with as much tact as is god given.



so ive gone back to writing my book. my novel. this time not in short hand but in microsoft word. and its gonna be revolutionary. its gonna rock. its gonna be about everything magical and unmagical and eveyrthing real to me. and id like to thank my sister for talking to me. and soefie for letting me vent my thoughts out on. and in return i shall do her quiz on her blog. haha.



kay im 32% emo. rights. dont quite care, really. never was into those tests. just liked knowing the results... okay was that a contradiction...

Why i believe it was!! YES! its working! the old messed up confised me is coming back! whoot.





iff that link works, it shoudl show me dancing at my house's dance party. coolness. rights. whatever.


so i went back to the roof today. and i decided.. you know what. uhmm.. actually i dunno what i decided. but in the end i kinda decided to return to my room. haha. not quite the self discovery i thought it was, but still. its always good to go back there.



did i mention i made chicken today? well anyways i did. and i got kinda worries cause eveyrone seemed so insistent that it should have had chili paste but id idnt want it. but it tasted good in the end! whoot! i dont need your boring standrad spices and old recipes that hinder my development. haha. and i shall break free and do myself justice. i mean, thats what cooking is about. creating. doing soemhting new and different and wild, and with a risk of fire always there. and then savouring the experience, in the form of its fruits; its reward. i liked my chicken. sweetness. kay it was actually kinda salty, not sweet. but you get what i mean. haha. yeaps. =DD


kay. i think i better go now.



and ive gotten over it. my manic depressive, confused and dry state of not knowing quite what the hell im doing, and lacking in absolutely all forms of motivation. thats gone. im good. im fine.



and all it took was for me to read my old entries. well thats not ALL it took. but was one of the main things i guess..



haha. three posts in one day. might seem like im really free. well it didnt feel that way for some reason. alot of self discovery and contemplating going on,


im outta here. see ya!

watch this space

kay. ive been writing loads of unpublished entries of late. soemthing which ive never done since i started using blogger.



and so, now im contemplating releasing them...



and still contemplating...



hmmm. not yet. no. not till i sort out my shit.


"bedroom talk" by starting line.

cepat jalan

there in a bata advertistment located at the bus stop near my house which goes soemthing like this: "how do you know he's gonna be the next director of the board. its in the shoes." and the image shows from waist down, someone at the beach, surfer shorts, surboard and all, wearing leather courtshoes.


and god have mercy on us all, if the inability to wear appropriate footwear can be forgiven when we choose our corporate leaders.


any-aways, life goes on.



and on. and on. and on. tastes like battery. mmmm. non-citric soury joy.



so thursday i returned to st pats. saw miss siva, miss teo, mr tan, and mr lak. couldnt see mrs nelly sadly. ironic cause she's the only one i got a present for. went out with some of my batchmates to play pool. then wasted time at CS/TM with shane and javid. And home was soon to follow.


slept for the longest time ever. 12 hours straight after my last entry. woke up late to meet shane and go check out guitars at peninsula and swee lee. had lunch at funan. then went back to classic to play pool with shane. saw the old 4e3 people there. ernest, suba and all. finally left shane to meet denise, kiran and nigel. and then many many more at Krunk. geetha, alvan, wilson, scout seniors, hc and sc peeps. and many many more. haha. Oh. and i met ernest and kevin again! haha. seeing them so often in a span of two days. wow. and im sincere when i wish that my old freinds and cliques and company will still stay together in some loose semblance. at the very least. sigh. so you can imagine my dissapointment when i found myself the sole 4e1-er on thursday. well, laurel and donald came but left before i got there. sigh.



my pool game needs improvement. party wasnt bad. but the foam party was taking forver to start, and nigel wanted to leave, and i felt compelled to follow him. kinda regretted when denise asked me to meet her, when i was already at harbour front. haha. ah hell. we dont do things cause we have thought it through sometimes. but we do it for a reason. heh.



so happy teachers day, and anniversary to my beloved parents.



so i was supposed to go to some H2 tamil thingy today. and anita too. haha. and i kinda played her out. sorry! its not my fault really. i fell overslept. no one reminded me. haha. and honstly. come on. ME.. H-TWO tamil? haha. who are we kidding ths time.


having lunch with family today.


thing i love about the contendor, is how every fight, has so much meaning. their fighting for something. and its so strong, and amazing how emotionally attached they are, and passionate they are about their dreams. haha. beautiful producing, i say again.



and now for a long overdue thank you.

Thanks lizzy, kennethm andrea, soefie, sugu, zhenghui, amitha, shereen, bibi, daryl, and all my classmates who turned up for the event. you guys made it possible. you guys made it good. you guys made me feel like a million dollars just by being there.

thanks ram, sham and the ava dudes. rock on.

thanks claire and nicholas fer the laptop.

and of course my house com. cause you guys make it work. and you guys are probably the most effecient committee and challenge hungry house out there. not a doubt about that.



so whilst i may be short, at least im short and lanky, not short and fat. haha. whohoo for that!



I might not be the best with directions, but i sure walk with purpose. and belief that if you work long enough, your gonna get where you wanna go,in good time.



its been awhile since i did random random brainless stuff with kiran and nigel. yesterday was nice that way.



when you take out a percing it doesnt close immediately. these kinda things take time to heal. and i dont intend on re-oppening mine anytime soon.


"how do you miss someone you dont even know"
"can you miss someone who hasnt gone anywhere"
"missing is one thing. moving on is another."
"theres really no shame in missing someone"
"when someone says she misses you, you dont really have choice, BUT to say, you miss her too, you know"
"good morning miss, how may i help you?"



various words of wisdom on the topic of missing.
no this is not an obscure way of sending a message or anything. sheesh.



kay im off.