drive me to the bottom

meriwether songs seem to be have a way of clicking with my mood.

regardless of how confused it might be at the moment.


places you have come to fear the most is probably the best dashboard album there is.



boiling points and breaking joints
by
rishik

wish i could just race now
rubbing off my face from the pavement
and running away
it really feels like an old trend
and soon ill be paced out
and its back to the floor again
this time without a blanket
my backs hurting from the laughing



the arts of being subtle-r. still working on it.


ill see what i can do with this mess.


not one to reveal too much, for discretion, secrecy and are all i have to play with for some room to breathe.


teachers day was breif. and im pretty much too sleepy these days to think coherently or be as passionate in my entries and my mind tends to be, on my walks home, all alone and filled with nothing but mirrors forcing reflection and the most painful angles and perspectives.


good night.


any chance, for me? no please dont answer that.

s is for straight.

S is for straight. as curled as it may be...


pain in my chest. pain from the strain from not knowing what to say. and for wanting so badly to say something. and knowing that everything you say is gonna turn wrong. and then actually saying something and having your fears confirmed. and that resulting in the pain. again. and again. and loss, fucking loss is how i feel. los for words, or knowledge of what im supposed to do. cause every sentence that makes her skin crawl is ten times better than the twenty sentences i dare not say and know not of what to expect. and it just sucks, especially when there is so much i need to ask and clarify and so much is eating me, and eating the time left till that plane leaves. fuck la. and im sincere in every way. and avoiding sarcasm so much. and your inability to perceive that kicks.



when i was younger i was told that red lights meant stop, green mean go, and orange meant jam. and blue was for mrt trains to go. and i accepted that pretty easily. i mean i could see the blue lights on the mrt trains even back then. buyt it always troubled me. why then was there no 'stop' for the trains.. and why blue? i mean there arnt any cars up there. cant it just be green as well. not like their gonna get confused or anything. hmmm. puzzled me endlessly. sigh. cant remember when it was i realised the blue lights came from the SOS phones on the train tracks. but i knew by then it didnt come as an offense to my sensibilities nor was it a surprise in any way. strange.



i love my classmates. they all make me feel so loved. so protected. their like huge family of big sisters and moms. and i dont know how horrible i might feel without them.



and while im at it i love my mom and my dad and my bro and my sis. loads.



my phone is screwing with my feelings. dont blame me if you cant get through.


three essays in a row. four pages each. im done for the night.

bbq @ amk

i can conclude that one of the many pleasure to be derived in life includes walking down the right side of the escalator and making people standing on the right shift to the left; even if you arnt in a hurry. but just love seeing people get out of your way. ahahha. oh joy.



kay i still have my KI essay to touch up on now. plus PW to edit. alpha meeting tomorrow morning. HRC meeting 430 tomorrow. alpha function tuesday. and no sooner, too.



went fer theodore's bbq today. and i suppose it was fun. good to see him again. and man, im starting to miss st pats.



well thursday is gonna be teachers day. friday, i dont plan to study, nope. that will only start come monday. haha. i need to catch up on alot of things with alot of people. socially.



went temple in the morning for vinayagar day. komala coffee is reall sweet. and jay walking is bad.



pretty sad that nearly every commerically successful singaporean movie is chinese. ah well. english shall rule the arthouse.


bye.

fuck...

poem of sad affairs by rishik Vijayadas Menon

now now. no need to be modest,
if you cross this line,
no one cares if your honest
and i cant imagine why
you would ask me to follow
if you didnt mean me to
and you didnt want it happening to you.
how how, do we reach a conclusion,
cause its troubling me now
i suppose i caused this to happen
and its a sad sad state,
cause of the nature of the way
it has to end.
so please forgive me when i say,
i highly doubt it
that you can understand.

edwin yeo's cool

"what impossible task will he make easy next?"

The tempest is such a comfort to read. so...comprehendable, somehow. plus its a good play to get your mind off things.



so i shall offer my praises, of what low regard they may be, to the various wordsmiths whom i currently recall, and whom have inspired me on various occasions to write. so in no particular order:


Neil Gaiman, Roal Dahld, diana wynne jones, edwin yeo, william shakespeare, lewis carrol, joan harris, d.b.c. pierre..

kay, im pretty sure theres more, and im also VERRY sure i spelt roald dhal's name wrongly (at least once), and possibly that of the other authors too. haha. im not a very good tribute maker, am I? haha. but it was sincere, it was. at least....kinda..... ^_^"


happy birthday zenn.


yay. finally arthi appreciates my taste in music. haha.
and shuuji has awarded me 'most anusing joke' award on his livejournal! whoot. thats so going into my CV. i swear. haha.



thinking of latino guitar arrangements, the soundtrack of the good the bad the ugly and hang em' high by MCR.


bbq tomorrow night. phew. fresh air at last.


im off.

loves reading vivekananda out loud.

always down and out...


it happens eventually. cyclic it is. i swear by it. nothing stays good forever. not quite the optimist, no.



lit essay next thursday. history essay next wednesday. Alpha house fucntion next tuesday. KI essay next monday. sunday this sunday. staurday tomorrow. bleagh...



and i dont even wanna start thinking bout all the tests i have.. if it doesnt have a deadline, its not worth worrying about.



thinks im going out toight fer dinner. dunno. gotta run soon.

AJ invitationals... =S. siigh. maybe i need to sleep on it for awhile.


poetry slam on tuesday. wish i could have gone. gotta a thing or two i wanna try out. alas, prior commitments come between.



when i go to the uni, i swear, i do not intend to take up any leadership role whatsoever. its gonna be pool, coffee and poetry. hopefully nothing else... youd think id have learnt my lesson by now. sigh.



idiot.. idiot... abso-fucking-lute of an idiot.


goodnight.

every reason to break down

weird days.
you know its gonna be.
especially when you wake up with 'master of puppets' playing in ur head... hmmm... weird, yes.



fucking emo. from endlessly ascendingly sky high to lows so bad i get reminded of the damp in my eyes from a long time ago.



birthdays are just emotional days. the worst kind of roller coasters in the theme park of life. adolscenthood,i tell myself... and be strong. its kinda strange to be most vulnerable at a time when so many people are there for you.



thanks to my classmates and my friends in TJ who made me feel, worth my 17 years of life.
to my friends from st pats and my st pats days for making me feel appreciated.
to my family for reminding me that im loved.



fast and furious soundtrack sounds kickass. would be nice to hear it at my house function. if we have one at all. sigh. freaking depressing. damn administration. you dont just do this to us. student leaders my ass. who are we really kiddin here? siigh. i just thought that inspite of the faccade, well hey, at least, at the end of the day, the job still gets done right?... sigh.



and no, the realization that we might not be able to use the innospace for the alpha fucntion isnt whats got me down.




i think we found someone to buy the house.



events turn, for good or for bad, but noentheless all events beg for a little sleep at the end.



so i run.

and there were loads of stars.

and there were loads of stars. really was. mmhmm..


and apparenly KI stands for knowledge and inquiry. haha. who would have guessed. hahah. yes i am the Ki rep. got anything to say bout that, punk? haha. thought so... back off.


so had the Ki test today. hope i did well. Banking on that to get me my A for KI. haha. but who cares bout grades anyways... lit, lit, lit, lit, lit.



miss nansi aksed why i wasnt planning to do h3 lit.. hmm.. strange sensations run down my arm. gaaah. dont wanna think bout all this. ill just see how my grades turn out for the promos.



one more week till alpha function is over. five days left. sweetness. the sooner the better, man. haha. siigh..



i swear i cant multi task. and i shouldnt. and people should really stop calling my house phone, cause i got better things to do then answer and entertain you. sheesh.



theodores back in singapore. meeting him this saturday.



i wanta guitar. bad.


kickboxing for pe.




fuck balls. unenthusiams swallows me. i blame this on the excess of noise in my house. dont like noise. and crowds. and people asking me to do work. and trying to multi task.



worked up...



aahhh.. 'to cure a weakling child'. and everything is better again. siigh. music be good.



aiysha's goin for the job intevriew thang at the strange ve3 company. ahha. the one i remember alfred and i got called for, and we were too scared to reply. haha. scarry.

mornings with aiysha and josephine are anything but quiet. but in a good sense.



and alas, yes james dean is dead. a moment to mourne, shall we.



i still remember a time where i absolutely resented smileys and emoticons. they were just lame. ahha. kinda strange considering the rate im using them now. well its still not high, or nothing. but the very fact i add an occasional '=)' at the end doesnt say alot about the consistency of my opinions and beliefs. heh.




bullshit la.. saikang as joel would say.



interetsing fact: more than half my class is made up of 'youngest child's. or is it children? haha.hmmmm...



did i mention this entry feels extremely unenthsiastic. reluctant almost.


i dunno why. its hard to blog sometimes. just feels so forced, unnatural and as if ur doing it for the sake of it being daily. which is just plain lame.



need to break free from all this. JUST GIMME SOMETHING FRESH! SOMETHING NEW. SOMEHTING WITH POTENTIAL AND POSSIBILITY AND LIFE, DAMMIT! i just want a party... and a real one. not the dance function kind. sigh...



thanks ben ow and jeremy fer remembering my birthday. haha. you guys rock la.


im off.


sieeen. zed.

murder mystery mansion

inspiration from conversation.


so once upon a time, in a time when people knew magic existed but were slowly forgetting how to use it, there lived a young boy. well i suppose you could call him a young man; but he liked to think himself still a boy. anyways, this young boy was troubled by his life. by the daily grine. and the confusing way the whole world was, and worked and most of all he was troubled by the fact he was always thinking. he was thinking about troubling things, and thinking why they troubled him , and thinking why he was troubled, and that troubled him even more. and from all this troubling musings, the boy's nights were haunted with the most strangest of dreams. and dont let me get started on how strange the dreams were. and what they did to the boy kid's already messed up mind.... the boy had enough.


so one day, he decided, he was gonna stop dreaming. and he would also stop being awake. he was gonna start taking control of his life: by letting go. and once he decided that was what he wanted, the moon looked down on him and laughed. and he realised that the moon could laugh! so he laughed with the moon and deicded to tell it jokes. so he did that the whole night. and he never had a dream again. and for the rest of his life, he lived in a half asleep state, and life was beautiful. everywhere he went he was surrounded by magic and poetry, and people around him sang magical tunes that changed into colours and he realised, that there was nothing to be scared of anymore. and that he was happy. and he was sometimes sad. but he was happy that he was capable of being sad, for it meant he had emotions, and that was better anyday than being stoic and stoned. and he would laugh, and he would dream, and he would wish, like all little boys do.


so lived the young boy. then one day the mean lady came. and the mean lady took away all the magic and locked it behind a big black gate, and sent the boy to the mean boring place. and there the boy woke up. and he realised all the magic was gone, and that he couldnt dream anymore. and the boy stopped talking. and the boy didnt know what he was going to do. and there the boy stayed for months and months, and many many many weeks, until one day he found a pen.


"hello pen" the boy said.
but the pen didnt reply. the boy didnt react to it, for he had bcome sensible in the boring place, and educated and taught of how pens werent supposed to talk back.
but the boy wouldnt give up. so he took the pen and slapped it.
"didnt yopu learn manners! your supposed to reply when asked a question" for the boy also learnt manners in the boring place, and of chewing with one's mouth closed.
The boy slapped the pen again.
"gag!" finally the pen replied.



and the boy was content, and he went off with his pen, and using the pen he managed to write his own dreams, and escaped from the boring place. but then he realised he now had a mission. to save other people from other mean ladies and other broing places. so with his pen, he went around getting people to start to halfway-dream and escape their boring places. and he used his pen to free the magic from the black gates. and he went on his way. he and his pen. and thats their story.



and thats the story of my dream. or my lack of dream, should i say. i think its a true story. well on most counts, at least.


rishik Vijayadas Menon.

eyes flutter like an addict

eyes flutter like an addict



"SHAPE UP RISHIK!! SHAPE UP!"


rolls in bed... buzzing in my toes...


"reh-sheeek... time to doo something. your life aint gonna get sorted on its own, you know."



rolls some more. covers head with pillow.



"your gonna have to face it sooner or later you know. no point ignoring or postponing your replies.."


gaah... i just wanna sleep. stupid voices in my head. they have to die..

>=(


campfire was fine. had dinner with phipps, joseph (sec 3) and joseph (sp).


had chilli crab tonight. was nice. crab is like the most fun thing to eat. haha.


i remember, onece, sakina asking if i enjoyed eating food, and its plain to see i dont. its really feels like a chore on most parts. unless i like the food. but in singapore... hawker food has its limitations... and its oil.. hmmm.. neaagh.



hmmms. found some old photos of me in sec 3. i look pretty grumpy. haha. thats sad. sigh...


so while at yesterdays campfire (which was a real bore, for the record) i'was just thinking about last year when i was planning for the campfire with joseph. and visting different schools to give them invitations. and how in TKGS, the guides were having their PL handover and they were pretty high i think and one of them gave me root beer and then took it back or somthing. ahha. and then it dawned on me that amanda from HC was a guide in tkgs. so i just asked her, and apparently it was HER who gave me the root beer! hahah. wow... small world... small world indeed. haha. who would have thought, man... hmmms...


house com meets tomorrow..



missin alot of shit...


kay im off. ciao.

a warm fuzzy kinda joy

its amazing i still have the capacity within to experience the warm fuzzy kinda joy, in spite of the sheer volume of criticsms, snide remarks, entanglements, and lack of support, motivation and incentive. but its true. its warm and its fuzzy. XD



haha.. and i suppose it might come across as sounding strange to some, but amazingly this source of joy comes from playin hockey, even if its just for five minutes or so. and sigh. and thats really one of the major consolations of joining house com. the numbers of people in both hockey and house com mean that there is always enough balls and sticks lying around to be used. wheee.



"the right to write me off" amber pacific
"somethings going on" A
"rain" liquid mint...



inceidentally its raining now. haha. whata time. its 1304. siigh. love saturdays like these, where i feel so liberated from my 'weekday' life and i get to do things totally unrelated or unaffected by who i am in school. like today, where i choose to return to scouts. haha. gonna meet joseph at pasir ris mrt in half an hour.. tum dee dum...



"for fiona" no use for a name



haha. well this is shitty. cant find my scout shirt. ahaha. ah heck. cant expect much now can i. thankfully i still got my venture polo tee. hurray for that.



"the pros and cons of breathing" fallout boy



studying at starbucks does not a scandal make. stupid assholes. sigh..



anna's friend pramod ( i think thats how its spelt) is over for the week or so i think. gonna have dinner with his parents tonigh. hmmm.



yesterday was kindofabigawastofaday. but alas. i only have myself to blame. sigh. well at least i got to know my house com members a little better. i suppose.



kays im late now.. ciao..


"and tonic er" meriwether.


wei jie has good music. byes.

cough cough!

cough cough!!

haha. and so when people ask "why", your supposed to answer "why not". or something... now we learn... hmmmmm....



nicholas is back from cambridge... and this is all i have to say to you:

YOU LUCKY ASS!!! =P meeeh....



today was a sleepy day. but a nice one. one which didnt really feel wasted away sleeping or lazy. but one where you actually felt yourself learning and enjoying the weather at the same time. ahha. apparently it IS possible... hmmm..



lit today we talked bout our perfect world.
so a world without order. no logic. or at least where logic doesnt apply. no rules. no reason. no argumentation applies, cause everything is random. nothign is predicatble. nothing is real. all thats left is emotions, feelings, sensation, and life. and you live for living, and you dont ask why, and you accept and life goes on, as it always does. i know somehow its still missing something. but you cant have it all, can you. =s



selvam's sending me fray online. wheee... niceness...



silk road talk on saturday... dunno if i should go. hmm. if its JUST me and kenneth, its really kinda gay. but ah well. i DO wanna do h3 history. hmmm... ah wells...



after school went to starbucks again with lizzy to study. saw ho rey there. hahaha. cool. learnt how to fold a heart. read history, and econs. drank warm milk and slept. ahhaha... and was good... needed the sleep. specially since i was deprived the chance in tamil class. mr subra made me sit next to him to go through EVERYTHING.. two straight hours man. sigh. insane. ah well. things we do fer education. haha.and ro avoid TLB next year. haha. as if.



but the starbucks aunty is really funky. she smiles alot and tries to guess my orders. sadly it changes too often to be predicted. ahha. oh well. shes still nice.



pool and parks. siigh. those days are so near. like in another room is an apartment block. you just know somewhere in that block, soemthings going on in one of those rooms. but you dont know which room. but you feel it. so undeniably strong, the intuition. but so sadly unjustifiable.



im off to sleep. if i had a curfew id probably eb past it.
gnights.

bollocks to obejectivity

some nights you just feel so let go...




sooo relaxed....



and everything is gonna be alright. like the song said...



and i know i am blessed with my tongue and my reason.



and if someone had soemthing to say to me, i really see no reason for any reservation or diplomacy..



goodnight.

The day between birthdays

yesterday was my aunt and uncle's birthday. tomorrow my cousins. day after India's... last friday, soefie... a few weeks from now, zenn's. and then mine. and millions of others all around the world, im sure. haha. ah welll... not that its of any significance. people are born all the time i mean. no reason to get all excited and stuff, is there... is there?



and today i had one of the best dinners ever. it was like a proper dinner with my family and my grandma, and she made chicken curry and it was amazaing. i swear, looking at the oil glisten on the pot brimming with chicken drums and potato chunks far from put me off. in fact, it drew me in and i never wanted to come out again. and wow. dont think i ever had such a great helpings before for home cooked food, and it has been AGES i emphasize this again, A-G-E-S since i last had real chicken cury. and it was beautiful. and what made it really worthwhile was the fact that my parents were there at the table with me, and so was my grandma, and that my grandma actually didnt want to start eating until i came home. sigh..



so that really explained why i chose to leave lizzy alone at starbucks siglap, to rush home. cause of my grandma. and i suppose it was worth it. even though i did kinda feel bad. hmmmphs...



so yes i studied today. went to NLB in the morning with radhika and her friends. did lit essay, slept and studied. then decided to go starbucks siglap, to start on me history essay, and study a bit more...


sigh. studying so much these days. feel so proud. ahhaha. more proud then i felt lazing at home during the national day hols.. sigh. now THAT really sucked. siigh...



study study study.... i dunno why my parents so desperately want to get a scholarship. its firghteningly a hell load of pressure. and i dont even know if i can do it. and i dont even know WHAT i wanna do... what do i do with this life....



sigh... presuming i actually qualify fer h3 history, it means two research papers next year. in the first sem! the sem where i, as house capt, will be handling the road run, track and field meet, temasek titans, sports carnival, house com camp, council camp, 1st orientation, CNY carnival and most importantly first orientation. oh, and all my little alpha house functions to top. ALL in the first semester... all in the first semester...sigh.



anywyas tomorrow id be doing more studying and more HRC meetings...



dont think theres much to say on that matter, besides, "i sure cant wait till all this is over".



gnight. my bro comes back to singapore tomorrow.

gdngiht.

aaah-choooo!

siigh...


bro's got me thinking about 7th heaven now... sucha sappy show... sigh. but it played a big part in my child hood i think..



happy i did a bit of studying today.


but my cold flu meds are setting now. and i wanna sleeps.



and my english is NOT bad okay. back off. haha. i just enjoy typing in this grammar. i dunno why though. it just feels nicer this ways.



irrevelance!! irre-VE-lAnce i say!! hahahaha."oooh..yelloooww...."



and answering the mystery of the 'X'... hmmmm... so much for puckered lips i suppose. but did anyone ever think of the possibility of X simply being an easy alphabet to use? hahahahaha.



grandma came over. yay..


h3 history. haha. if i DO, by any psychotic chance, qualify for it, i am sooo gonna try and investigate on the deconolization of India- the political factors of Kerala and what led to its current communist government. haha. now that seems freasible, no?



ah heck. im gonna sleep.



nights... Diary of Jane is a nice song... gonna study tomorrow.

blame your cat

"Im sick of soup of the day man... its about time we make a decision."
hahahahha. oh my god... i love mitch hedberg.


i likes yakult...



getting into "academy is" songs again. soemhtign about them, just reminds me so much of last year, this time. where i was happy. siiigh...



was goign through all my cards, and affirmations and letters and songs and random writings ive written or were written to me, last night. and it just felt good. and the smiley feeling took over me again. and i just wanted to talk to someone about it... but after a short lived sorrowful checking off, i realised maybe its only fate i enjoy this moment on my own.



anyways, heres my poem fer today.


its called,

Ages of redundant dreaming. by rishik Vijay Menon


Its kinda hard
Its kinda awkward
for me to explain this
(or even want to for that matter)


its kinda strange
Its oh, so changed
and yet it feels like it hasnt
(or not that way its meant to happen)


i know im feeling kinda zoned (out)
i swear its the meds
i swear its the moment
making me feel, oh, so goddam home now!

AND
I owe you more than
words can say
or words rearranged
into verse..


I'm keeping all my
wishes the same
and they never changed
and i still dream they might work....

work... oh work....oh tragicalllyy ironic, if it worked....

no one wants to do this all alone

yeaah. so where was I?

oh yeah, marc's play thingy. was pretty cool. liked the fact that they stuck to their theme and message throughout, despite SM goh coming down. was pretty hilarious at some parts. i dunno why. aah whatever. anyways, after the show we tried waiting for marc, dewei nadia and all... and i dunno why... we waited for quite awhile, before wondering what we were doing with our lives again. ahha.



so with michelle, mao and fred we went down to the playground to just have supper. and then i went home. the end. wheee.



oh yeah, with reference to my earlier link about the game. apparently the link i put up was screwey. but nvm. anyways its at www.bonus.com then click sports then click skiing then click the extreme snowboarding game. yeaps.




anyways. yesterday went down to lizzy's place to meet rannald, soefie, kenneth and amitha for LOTR marathon. and i have never seen a movie with comments and remarks being made that frequently before. i swear. but yeah, it was LOTR, and everyone had seen it at least two times before, so it doesnt matter i guess.



swings, moons and layered conversations. all that sets the mood for a good ride home.



still tryin to sell the house. im hungry. ciao.

hey hey its national day

i have two major worries when it comes to this blog


(a) is that too many people start reading it without tagging me, and i dont know they read it, and something bad comes out of it, aka they discover my lies and my bitching and shit. think it was just recently i discovered somemore peeps from TJ discovered my blog. =S
(b) one day blogspot dies, and my ambitions of printing my autobiography using this becomes a failure. ahha.

SO IF ANYONE OF YOU OUT THERE, KNOWS HOW TO SAVE ALL MY PREVIOUS POSTS SOMEHOW, IN A CD OR A THUMBDRVIE OR WHATEVER, PLEAASE, ENLIGHTEN ME. Iaint too good with technical stuff.



live wire by motley crew is one rock hard song.

slayer is coming to singapore. now thats caught my interest.


madhir has my book songs. sigh. let him have fun with em.


yesterday got a lunch treat from st pats eldds. was nice and good reuniting with them. or at least seeing jas again. as for the rest...?? haha. well, you cant force friendships onto some people.



then went out to orchard to get 'approved'. heh heh.. well interesting enough.



me and alf both got this call from the agency. they said we was shortlisted after we compelted a survey (whichw e both dont remember doing) and we were supposed to come down for our interview on thursday. prtty amazing. i dunno if i wanna go. haha.



anyways, mao fred and i went to check out marc's play yesterday.




was nice. kay ill continue laters. gonna go cooks now.

losing my mind for articulation

its pretty amazing
how things seem to work
the way its working now
cause it doesnt seem to hurt
and it doesnt seem to confuse me
though i have alot to say
and you seem to want to appese me
but not ina condescending way
and i admit im not used to this
caused there would always be a catch
and did i mention how surreal you are
youve foudn a way to attach
yourself into this glass walls,
the aquarium's not empty now
but have i mentioned how surreal this is
of course not, i cant risk, outloud.
and maybe im justa cynic,
or i underestimated my own worth
but doesnt change the fact how
this is running like...click...clockwork
so its going fine, and i feel fine
and i dont feel worse with ever line
my heart doesnt cringe, from time to time
and it worries me now, is this a sign?
and did i mention how unreal this is
i could never fanthomn falling, being sucha bliss
and did i tell you, how unreal you are
days and weeks and months might pass
i swear, i might remain loss in your stars
and oh, it doesnt feel like its true
and no, am i good enough for you
but even then, i dont feel an-
any worry that can awake this dream
and ill stay asleep in the faery tale
as unreal as unreal as it seems.

sunday morning

"can you feel the tension in the air"

sigh... thats what i love bout rainy sundays. all the tension just dissapears. and life feels like its the pace its supposed to be, again. at least for awhile. siigh...


beautiful sundays spent at libraries or at book shops (real ones, not places like popular), or at cafe's either alone or with a friend or two (not too many). just lazy slow paced days which inspire art and spur creativity. that just make life seem not all that bad again. sigh...



kay im off to the finish off my EoM, so as to enjoy the rest of the weather now.



listen to gavin rosdale's adrenaline when you play this game. or if you dotn have it, you can do what i did, and just sing to yourself. ahha. it works too, okay.

and there was BOSS smiley! =)

first and foremost i guess ill just finish off lizzy's evil tag game. cause im naive and easily manipulated that way. hahha.

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. Tag 10 people to play this game too.
5. Bold the questions and answers that swack.



How are you feeling today?
Make tonight by Emauel... haha. yeaa. the day truly starts at night dont it.

Will you get far in life?
Story of a girl by three doors down.... ehhh. Ohh kayss. this can be read many ways. and im gonna choose not to read it at all. ahha.

How do your friends see you?
Tension by Shahitah Nurallah. haha. i know i look very stressed. but im not! really!


Will you get married?
pretty when you cry by a thorn for every heart. aiyoo. as aiysha would say: stupid tragic love songs. haha.


What is your best friend's theme song?
This is a forgery by Dashboard confessional. haha. so its all contrived then? depresssing.



What is the story of your life?
Avantasia by Tobias Sammet. hmmm. a scandinavian metal opera about a magical other world. haha. i can live with that.



What was high school like?
The ghost of a good thing by Dashboard confessional. FINALLY an answer i can agree with and understand!!!


How can you get ahead in life?
For fiona by No use for a name... once again ive no idea what this means.


What is the best thing about your friends?
To the end by My chemical romance. awww. their gonna be with me to the end, arnt they. thats sweet.



What is today gonna be like?
Only where im going by Electrico. mmmm. possible.



What is in store for this weekend?
hands down by Dashboard confessional. haha. well i didnt make any dates as of yet, but...



What song describes you?
Your biggest mistake by New found glory. this can be so sad and true.. sigh. wow. that really sucks.


To describe your grandparents?
If you C jordon by Somehting corporate.o_0... hmmm interesting...


How is your life going?
cable car by the Fray!! whoot!! what can i say...



What song will they play at your funeral?
Rocks by Ben jelen. "is this love? well its killing me."any song with lyrics like those ought to be played at a funeral. haha.



How does the world see you?
Say days ago by The Used uhmmm. i dont know what to make of this.


Will you have a happy life?
at my expense by action toolbelt. haha. its actually a kinda happy song.


What do your friends really think of you?
ghost of a good thing (AGAIN??) by dashboard.. hmmm...


Do people secretly lust after you?
dark blue by jack's mannequin. gaah! stupid ambiguous songs!



How can I make myself happy?
hit me baby one more time by marilyn manson.. o_0 no im not into sado masochism... dont look at me that way...



What should you do with your life?
morning calls by dashboard confessional. haha. whatever the morning wants me to. whoot! now thats the kinda life im talking bout here.



Will you ever have children?
my friends over you by new found glory. hahaha. i like this answer. hahahaha.



siigh. the only lesson i can take from this is that, its doesnt pay to have so many emo songs in your playlist. the future is depressing this way. haha.


and i discovered there was a difference between living, and existing. both involves being alive. one includes having a life.



afternoons and nights thinking of you, just to break the banal insipid nature of my sad and sorry existence. sigh.



well its also thanks to my friends. and the people that make me laugh. and the people who laugh when i want them to. debates handover last night. proxi to esplande. which is kinda sad since apprently that nigth west grand performed there... fuck laaa. why am i so near yet so far all these gigs.... which i find out about the night after. sadness....



JCDC debates, where i met selvam and a bunch of fast talking debators. also saw some YJC peeps. wei jie for one. woah. its been long. sigh... guitar withdrawl syndrome....



nice train ride home. nice comic book.



and yet i feel so empty. i dont know why. myabe its just the drugery of school getting to me. stupid school... forcing me into a corner like ive never felt it before...



no i cant help how i feel.


arjun's cool. and dont you know it. man i deserve it. but thats how life works out. haha. and thinsg move along like they do.




i wanna play pool. g'night.



i hope ur doing fine. havent heard ur voice in ages. =S

emo days

today was an emo day. just plain fucked la. or at least it started that way.



sorry doing PW work now. ah heck.



ill just summarise all i wanna talk about.


i discoevred what it truly means to be stressed.
life sucks at times.
i love my friends.
i love the random shit that makes my day.

ooohs

yes yes... its true. im still listening to the fray's 'cable car'... siigh. how can you NOT love that song.


its kinda like pon and zi. you really cant not love them. maybe in real life, when emo gets all whiny and overbaring, but online... come one! its just too dam sweet la.



siigh. and today was our last debate session with hansel. sigh. was so fun. talking so much crap and shit. haha. and very frankly i think this was one of my personal favourite performances ever. whoot.
"so why didnt you challenge their definition!?"
"hahahaha! ehh... it was more fun this way. ahhaha"
"fair enough..."


hahaha. kinda surprised he actually said that. haha. ah well. life is good.


didnt get to drink wit marc, fred and mao today. naaw. sigh. sad. kinda surprised too, actually. its true. ive always got my way, havent I. didnt really think this day would come. ahhha. siigh. i AM too spoilt.



econs and maths and lit test tomorrow. mmhmmm....
like im so prepared aint I. yay.



woaah-ohhh ohhh sweet child of mine!


school today was fine. only class that really mattered was econs. alpha meeting.


feels realy unenthusiastic the mood right now. but were gonna get it done. just you watch. its gonna be simple and good. haha... i know it will... haha.



sigh. stupid uneventful, depressing sien day. except for maybe becoming 'pantat the mama gareng'. haha. "besar bagus!"




friday is gonna be insane. debates and alpha photo taking. alpha power pdp. debates handover. saturday debates JCDC finals. alpha exco meeting. sigh. stupid la. pressure.



dunno what im doing with my life laaa. my throat is still kinda bad...



i dunno whats wrong with me. why i choke up with my words at times, and speak pretty clearly at others. why i can just control my pace pretty smoothly some times, and when i get too excited and start repeating words on others.



ah heck. whatever la. im not gonna think about it...


good night.

shes on your mind

siigh. whole day was humming the tune to 'cable car' by the fray, only singing the words "over my head". and whata sweet song it is too.. sigh...
"shes on your mind... shes on your mind"...


hahaha. you know, only after watching nacho libre did i realise ''X'' and ''O'' were all codes for 'hugz and kissez". ahhaha. wow. talk about deprived childhood....of sorts. hmms.


well i was gonna actually wait until someone asked me, but since no one did, i think its about time i made the announcement on my blog. Yes. its true. the tongue cleaner thing on the toothbrush is just dumb. haha. so i tried it the first two days and like WTF! everytime i try and 'clean' my tongue i just end up feeling like a failed bulimic. haha. which is the last thing i need to be right now. except for maybe a sucessful one. but nvm. haha. ah whatever.



finished with hasim's mind map. and for the record i think he's a perfectly reasonable history teacher, and i got nothing against him or his style. haha.
finished mrs changs econs, though i regret the shabby way in which it was done.
done "sean" chow "sean"'s invitaion.
done nansi's poems fer the school yearbook.


leaves me with just meeting, meetings and more meetings. wheee.


sigh. 6 weeks isnt very long.


leave me be. im gonna listen to 'cable car' again. haha.



alpha house party. thats all thats left on this years list. right before PROMOs. heh.