my heart in a paper box

hsalala. was sick today. fever. went to polyclinic. got cough medicine. wheeee...



shalala. RJ interview tomorrow.


meeting marc on wednesday? debates handover on friday?



i dunno... cant blog right now. haha. im justa happy little boy.



and happy little boys arnt people of deep literary prowess.



g'ngiht.

the froggy escapades

the froggy escapades carries on. day 2, and the frog has returnedto the toilet. but we shall not give in, to you froggy! you might come back once, but we wont arnt giving up yet. nooo. this war is faar from over...



and i got meself a nokia 6233 fer 10 Do-llarrs!
hoo yea.
well at least I paid 10 dollars. the rest was paid using vouchers and shit. heh heh heh...


jeremy, nick GN and e rest have gone to cambridge.. lucky bums. sigh. but ill get there in my own time. haha. sigh. or so i dream.


so i didnt go fer the 6J outing today. siigh. got work today.



but then again, im not even doing work now. sigh. the panadol's getting to my senses. just like the rains getting to my mind, and the music's getting to my conscience. sweee.



so PW and econs and HC can hold it. i need to express. haha.


think 'surf rock'. soemthing light-hearted with regular tempo, sung with either a jamaican or hawaiian accent. snap your hands and think of your own tune. i know i have mine. ahha.


nachos was good on the side
by Rishik V. Menon


and i say now.

she's the one, i know somehow.
thats got it right, i cant move out,
take me back, in two weeks time,
into my world, still i do fine,
hands apart, were lying down
close to my heart, i pretend ive found,
(found)
somethign vaguely wrong, which could bring me down



cause its just too good to be true
and i never thought it could work this way
and im losing my steps near you
still it seems like its gonna fall in place


yeaah. i ll trya nd complete it. ciao.

oh sweet lungs!

oh sweet lungs! dont fail me now!


whoo. christopher ender is back! with another emotional driven album of heart felt genius: Dusk and Summer. But with prices at 14 dollars at HMV, of all places, im starting to worry. since when did dashboard become so cheap...
hmmm. ah well. im not one to complain. i just enjoy the music where i can.


so its saturday. the week is moving quick, but the work has gone beyond the heels.


and now for one quick political insight. http://209.67.212.138/~lebanon/
The israel government responsible for the fucked up destruction and onslaught of humanity should be wiped off the face of the map. israel can stay as far as im concerned. but i suppose ive resigned to the fact that the world can only do so much. those in power all have the most annoying tendency to become bastards, dont they. so hey. lets do what WE can. sign the dam petition.



sigh... speaking of idiots in power. The racialization of singapore is a freaking sick thing.


SAP school are fucking racist. and its fucking sad that these kids hardly meet people of other race. so for THEIR good. for our country's good. do something already. and if YOU (christopher will know who im talking about here) think that its already a very watered down version of the malaysian SAP school, so what? dont compare us to malaysia. and you know what. since we are already so watered down, why dont we just go the final lap and get rid of it all together.

Race is not in our blood. in the DNA of all humans, 99% of us it all exactly the same. the remaining 1% acocutns for our physcial appearences, how tall we are, how fat, how strong, how smart, how dark so on so forth... there is no part of our DNA that distinctly identifies me as Indian, or Malayalee or whatshit. you know why. cause its not fucking real! there is NO 'inherent need or part of us which makes us want to hang out with our same race'. NO. ITS A LIE!



blood group id love to point out right now IS part of our biology. and knowledge of it can save our lives. can mean a difference between life and a fucking wasteful death. But what does our IC show. Not our blood group (cause it just takes up space init?), but a fucking word which demeans people from mixed heritage, by trying to classify them as either Indian, Chinese, Malay or (say this with me, now) Others! Who the hell are the "others"! fuck. give them some dam respect will yer. shit holes.



and please dont compare race to language and religion. religion defines our lifestyle. religion defines what kind of values and ethics we choose and apply, and really can be clearly defined. language is the bridge that society is built on. communication is something everyone needs to get by in life. race isnt there. and even if you close your eyes and pretend really hard that its there, it doenst do anything for you. it doesnt affect what festivals you practise (religion defines those), it doesnt affect your biology (your heritage define those), and it doesnt define about much else. stupidness.


and lastly, the most sickening thing i have ever heard, was the way you tried to make it seem like the chinese were making such a huge sacrifice by learning english instead of imposing madarin as the first language; just because the chinese were the majority race. What the fuck! how dare you try and imply that! that was the most sick thing i ever heard. i suppose i was simply taking it all for granted. the 'beauty' of singapore. but isnt that what we are trying to aim for? take things for granted? i mean its only truly acheived when you can take it for granted and have faith that its there... and i truly believed..


stoopid boi. sigh...


soo thursday and friday. and today. pretty interesting days. soo.. where should i start. where do i start. tralala.



thursday was rannald's concert. haha. caught it with amitha and lizzy. was fun. started by being 'O-kaaay', to "OMG! Rannald is a genius! as in woah!!! RANNALD!", then it went to "wtf...(controlled laughter)" and finally ended with "mmm nice." "yay" and "wow... really nice"



haha. and the experimental/modern thingamjig was just begging for the jokes we entertained ourselves with after the concert, from Carl Junior's to bakerz inn.



and the best way to talk about friday would be to start by introducing the word i associate with it.



SORRY! Im REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY SORRY!


i actually types that all myself, instead of copying pasting. just to show you how sorry i am. and i really am... =(


really really. just wish i knew a way to build back your trust. but alas. crap happens. sigh..

sorry liz! hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. =S


the funny thing is, that a few minutes after she said "im not talking to you again", i was reading the exact same lines in the sandman, coming from delirium to dream. heh. art imitates life.


anyways, ill do what little i can to make up for what i did. starting with getting a new phone. which i gotta do like now. soon anyways. when my dad comes downstairs. yeah.



well regardless, today was a good day. =D
left home for PW meeting.
went to watch nacho libre. haha. wasnt a very complex story line or mind blowing plot. but it was enjoyable. brainlessly fun and sweet. hahas.


kay imoff.

over eager under pressure

over eager under pressure. yes yes.


temasek seminra today. so much to talk about. losing all faith in the ministry running it. but i aint running for it. no way. id rather run and change from within. cause it has to be done, sooner or later.


anyways im off now. i need to get my PW work settled out. been putting it off far too long.

this is not a faccade

its amazing. how a whole day can pass spending time with a group of people, and when the day ends, everyone just spontaneously gathers, and it feels like your getting to know them all over again.



and i am in no way bimbotic. bloody hell. haha. in spite of all the 'moments' i might have. like my brownie dropping into my coffee. or the door incident. sigh. the sad part is, all these things happen when shereen is around. haha. what can i say. idocy begets idiocy. not that shereen is dumb or anything. hmmphs.


hrc meeting on thursday. rannalds solo thingamajig on thursday.



some jokes just have to be left as clean as possible. with minimum detail. thats where the real wit lies. understanding the implications. but then again, it becomes a question of whether youd rather laugh alone to a good joke, or share it, at the cost of losing the comedic timing on explanations. shalala.



stayed back today with shuuji, shereen and steph to decide on our ki project. i think its gonna be fun. feng shui in singapore. though i still wanna do my project for next year. haha. risk assesment in the minds of a proffesional rocker. hahaha. inetresting, no?


hmmm. never really got into tv much, save the occasional brainless cartoons or sitcoms. but i especially could never get into those whiny draggy high school dramas, like OC, one tree hill, smallville, north shore bla bla.... somehow it just struck me as soap opera packaged for the young. and ive seen what it can do to my friends.. and i wont let it happen to me. haha.


but there was always something about gillmore girls that struck me as literary genius. the writing and the flow of dialogue wasnt the most natural but was sooo nice and fun to listen to, that it felt good just watching. ah well. one day.. one day, ill write as well as that. haha. or so i dream.



which reminds me of shakespeare in love, and the guy i saw myself in. haha. the patron guy who was paying for Romeo and juliet and got the part as the apothecary. and the lovable way he got over excited at acting, and spent so much time memorising lines and practising. the same way i imagine i would if ever the chance came. haha. siigh. i waannna act.. =S


kay my mom is gonna come any moment now to pick me up to fetch my dad. yeaps.


and nowjusta shout out to lizzy.


THANKS!!! your the greatest!
=)what would i do without her...hmm. i dunno. but i know what i wont be doing. haha.
using a phone.


which reminds me. i gotta tackfully get ben tay, jon and all to pay up. haha. yes yes.


shalala... temasek sem tomorrow. that means waking up early.


kays and now to end, i just wanna say, i found raja mama's reference to nick d'cruz as my 'ex-friend' amusing. ahhaha. EX. hmmm.... ah well..


im off. ciao.

we all need a little room

gaah. stupid phone. and ironies of life.


like i doubt ill be able to fix my phone this week, considering my busy schedule. But the only thing that actually remind my poor ageing mind of my busy schedule is my phone. haha. sad shitty ness.



so had my JTS today. went good i guess. except for the part where i got dunked into the sea, and my phone got dunked with me. ah well. the little spills of life, help us appreciate the dry spots.


my dinner was good. and so was the present exchange. haha. im not too sure what it means, when you look at the presents me and ben got each other. i got him 3 condoms he got me one. i got him Maxim, he got me 'funny undies'. i got him a plastic crown. he got me a plastic hammer (symbol of authority). haha. what the hell...



my room is a mess...


and i treat my body like an ashtray. i treat my body like an ashtray. thankfully, it burns, but doesnt scar.


pw eom due tomorrow. i dont even know what it requires. but whatever.



more academics, less everything else...


but then, one shouldnt let opportunities pass us by. we should grab em when we can. especially when they mean so much to you.



uploaded pics into my image station. like anyone cares. goodnight.

bigger than before

woof.


bigger boys with stolen sweethearts by arctic monkeys. wooot.


i just wanna take a break. actually, im not really sure what i want anymore...


well life seems to be rolling out nicely. day by day. unfolds into e' sweet little package with the ribbon running the ground, down, down down...


"somehtings wrong with rishik lately. he's been making these funny random noises for no reason".


and maybe i am. and yes, i might have gotten overtly lame recently.
and yes my sense of humour might be on the non-sequitar side. and yes, i find joy in being ireVeLent. but hey hey.. we all got to live dont we.



monday: hmmm... cant remember somehow. probabaly wasnt significant.

Tuesday: Gelare. Tamil LC. RHD rehearsal. CJC investiture. dinner at PDS with fred, marc and rae.

wednesday: RHD celebrations. not going for nearly every class save lit (which i came late for). following yong long and joel fer track and field meet. mom comes home.

thursday: poor excuse for a reason to come to school. a day out with a very impulsive girl.

friday: watched shakespeare in love. house com meeting. WENT for dora's musical (not saying we actually watched it). went home. exhausted my land line.

saturday: went IJC. went home. slept. now i wait for pizza listening to 'konstantine'. and thinking about ice cream. and how nice life is. and ice cream... mmmm...


"so where do we go!"


but lunch and dinner is still the only thing i seem to look forward to in life these days. just talking and listening to my friends; be them real friends, or the small little ones that live in my computer speakers and sing to me everytime i double click. or maybe even the little voices which sms their way into my lives. yess. what will i do, if my lunch and my free periods werent spent with my classmates. and even when im alone, i still got my music.. and msn. like right now. haha. it is a pretty unsocial form of socialization. but alas, it works.


bleah. bleah for the incoherence.


emo core shit from hell!! hell yeah! hahaha. what can i say. why am i not surprised i love my fellow debators. how can you not.



woof.



i would have had so much more to say if i updated everyday. but i dont. so too bad. haha. good night.


monday i got JTS. tuesday amitha wants to go fer poetry slam. haha. we'll see.

return of the king

im the king of the castle. and im home. muwahahaha.
yes, truly, home is where the 'I' is.



the number of readers ive apparently been getting has far surpassed my wildest nightmares. and thats not a good thing of course. seeing as how this blog is written for the viewing pleasure of muah, more than anything else.



hmmms. i coudl so easily blog about so much right now. but its pretty late. and though i might not be sleepin soon, id rather spend the time more economically. =D.



ciao. and yes. i realize ive tyco-ed my way through life in alot of ways. amazingly.


getting into st pats. becoming vice head. getting into triple science. getting top in level for english in sec 3. finding an amazing clique of friends in sec 3/4e1. getting to TJC. getting to debates. My parents allowing me to take arts. becoming house captain. finding a great group of friends in TJ. doing well enough for my JCTs to have a shot at the Mezarin pogramme. somehow not committing suicide. somehow finding bouts of joy in the people around me.


i dont deserve any of that. i didnt work hard enough for all that. but i got it. so thank you god. thanks.

angelus dish

" we arent made in the USA!" electrico.. excellent song. truly an anthemn for local bands.



art of losing. man, its been a long time since i heard that song. hmmm.



a week or so has passed. so much has happened. i recommend reading my friends blogs cause im not one to beat a dead horse to death.


death. dying. dead. like our JCDC chances. sigh. things just happen for a reason. you dont ask why. but you know they do.



ran into ryan gomes today. and once again went on one of my many " WHY did i stay in TJ" swings... ryan's in AC of course. and i could have been there too... ooh...


well i wake up with messages every morning hinting that im not quite strumming the same chord as everyone else.






listening to angelas dish now. their really good.

"so im changing all my passwords now... anything to lock you out!"


staying in sithi's palce now. mom comes home on wednesday.


emceed at century square this afternoon. then went baybeats. went bay beats yesterday too, after JCDCs.



RHD in a few days time. they say i gotta step up. but dont you see. thats where i went wrong in the first place. i took the first step up, and ended up in this deep pit im in right now. dammit.



sean 'my debates prez' chow sean. jonny eu. just two random ppl in my life, who made me think about how i want to be remembered when i die. they are both cool i mean. and you definitely respect them both. but for two very different reasons. and jonny is actually someone whom you can easily LIKE, over and above respect. and maan. respect him i do. his character and charm. i really gotta start learnin. and how i hate being so fake everytime i emcee and debate. but yet when i try and sound normal, i come of as uninterested, smug, and arrogant. liek that debate adjudicator dude said: "playboys dont get the girl"...


its really a game. this socialization shit. do i want to be social butterfly-ish or bee-ish (in the spirit of the pesa finals). what line do i want to draw. do i play this game to win, do i play to lose. seems like your just destined to failure either ways. ahhh. hell. tryin to play it cool, trying to play it nice and friendly, trying to play it interesting... every way you play your just digging another set of ditches to fall into. but ive thought of a solution....


i could just stop playing. and start living...
haha. if only it was that simple.


ill just go school tomorrow. and try and do what i have to. and hope it all ends sooner than later. so the music might be turned up once again.



wow. imagine how insane i would have gone by now, if i ended up taking science. phew. sweet sweet lit, history and ki. actually its not even like i read my lit texts. haha. who can with books like the sandman and time travellors wife to deal with. ah well. to be quite frank p & p is for some reason repels me. i really cant bring myself to read it. i mean, ive no doubt its a good book, but im really not into it. maybe ill do it one weekend or something. we'll see...



my toothache is recovering. yeaaps.


ill be sleeping. and dreaming. and hoping....


school in six hours.

fever for the flavour. headache for the debate.. not funny...

ah hahah. grades today.. whatcan i say. my abcde has been spoilt. but im not complaining. haha. wheee.



a-H1 maths
a-KI
c-Lit
c-History
e-econs



im pleased with my grades. though it could be better. lit, econs and history especially. haha. DUH~!. ..



oh kays. its alreasy 11 and im still at home. better leave for perimma's house sooner than later.



ciao.


cant wait for september to start. i just wanna study again. and spend time with my friends, and peeps who are close to me. sigh.

no more debates. no more house com. just good ol me. sigh...



and who the hell is ANON on my tagboard. mysterious stalker, balls. hmmm.


debates soon. i think im good to go.

now lets see what i fo with my time.

some unimportant person: wow. must be dam busy. how do you survive.
jeremy yeap: YOU HAVE WAY TOO MUCH FUCKING TIME!


hahaha. whatever. anyways i think nows a good time to display my collection of doodles which ive bothered to scan..

"you know. this isnt exactly something to be proud of."
hah. so says you. but i, for one, am proud of my art. so let the feast begin.


Econs lecture. the words say 'flight of e pheonix'. so fly away... FLY!!!

Maths tutorial. Words are
"Hearts on fire from those frozen eyes. turned from desire, torn by your lies. spinning empty ill fill you up. spiral downwards, thats how how we stop, STOP!". haha. dont try and intepret it like a poem. it wasnt meant to be. haha.


ITS A HAWK! pre-u sem... more random pre u sem squiggles. if you look really hard you can almost imagine seeing letters and a hidden message. wanna try? =D



and for the grand finale. The pre u sem "WTF"Page. every wtf stands for another stupid question made during the parallel presentation Q & A for tpjc, yjc and i think IJC. i also wrote down the only two smart comments made.

gdnight!

a whole new world

At the height of modesty and routine: when you still lock the door and wear a towel around your waist as you walk from the toilet you your room. even though there is no one around. ahha. ah well. this blog is getting too graphic. time to change topic.


so here i am, typing away in perimma's house. its been a good day. feels accomplishing. and wow. its really strange. how slow time seems to be moving now. and how satisfyingly relaxed and calm i feel. and to think. all i needed was some time. just starting school 4 hours, JUST four hours later than usual, and it can make a world of difference. sigh. no i dont feel content or complete or anything of that set just yet.. just, settled... yeap. thats the word. settled.



so today i woke up to an empty house. except i dont like to think of it that way. Jack lives there too. haha. he's not quite an imagnary friend, cause he's far from friendly. but i like to think of him as the house boggart. hes the guy the turns on the light when no one else says they did. he's the guy that'is responsible for every missing item, and misplaced sock in the house. he's the guy that randomly slams the door when its not fastened to the magnetic door stopper. he's the guy that makes the shuffling feet noise in the attic. he's jack. well he means well. i think. ahha. yeaa. siigh. you know when a kid has lost it, havent you? haha.
the saddest thing is, im not inventing him up NOW cause im alone. but i invented him up a looong time ago for no apparent reason. hahha. now THATS truly psycho.


but i AM sane kay. and my ice kachang eating experience has nothing to do with my sanity. haha. so yes, last thursday was the first time i tried ice kachang. so? doesnt make me any less singaporean. haha. or any less sane for that matter. whatever, i say. its all in the past.


but past has a funny way of haunting you doesnt it. songs just dont go away from ur head or mind.

U2's the sweetest thing.
killer's mr brightside
martey casey's tree
something corporate's constantine


mmmm. gives you this cosey feeling doesnt it. music.


last saturday went for debates in school. then i went to cut my hair at this braber near bedok. and it felt pretty heart warming. cause the barber's baby was there walking around the shop and he was eating bread. and the barber was like tending to the baby before cutting my hair. and it was so cute and sweet to watch. and the baby sat obediently on the chair while waiting for its dad. yeaaah. sigh. inceidentally when i went to the airport that day to send off my family, my dad asked why my hair was so badly cut. ahha.



yeah. hmmm... my family left for oz last night. was at the airport to send them off. felt so strange. hm.... i dont really know what to feel. sad.. but my minds just too caught up in my work to feel it, really. now thats sad, really. but i cant force feelings.


today went to paya lebar macs to settle debates, play tic tac toe, line game and four in a row with char, then settle house com stuff. ahha. i notice house com work so far has always been cleared up by three people, in a matter of a few hours. liek when manda, kamun and me finished the collage. or today when jon, kamun and myself finished the yearplan. ahha. wow. to be fair anh was there for the first hour or two. but it ended with three.



anyways, went to play pool to destress. i like pool... sigh... =s


somehow i just cant type the same as i do in me house. i blame it on the lack of music. sigh.


ah well. i better sign off now. think ill watch the match with perippa inawhile.
and soon, the dreaded cycle of school will restart.



hmmm. ive been told to smile more often, not cause i have a nice smile, or anything of that sort, but cause my my natural face tends to frown into the most unpleasent of things.


good night.

hair disguises my innocence

alone at home.



debates tomorrow. hmmm...



i better be off...



one more week....



my hair is short.

tiem is running out

well the last post is super rubbishy.


i hate it when i write rubbishy posts. reflects the lack of my communicative abilities. pisses me off..


i think i can trust my house com now. debates the next week and so on.


met dewei and jas today. whoo! i really hope they make it. im sure they will. siigh. its a happy feeling.


just like meeting dewei tomorrow to go for marc's piano ensemble. wheee...



but that aside i really doubt ill be updating much the next few weeks. unless i get really stressed and need a release. sigh.



maths results back today. the other subject besides tamil and lit i didnt study for. siigh. sometimes i just feel fate is taunting me. but well...


like i told lizzy. "i believe things happen for a reason". and i really do. i know ill make it out alive. so hurray for that. haha.



todays parade commanding went badly. i blame the mike stand though. haha. but was fine, that aside. that and the fact that my pledge was too 'emo'. haha. yes. i know. im too emo when i try and talk...



ahh whatever. "im dying, to figure out a girl". something corporate.


and shakespeare will always hold a place in my heart. sigh.


goodnight. better be back to me debates. i dont wanna screw this up anymore. haha. sigh. its this time of the year again....


the poetic season. the weather is getting there. i know it. lifes gonna be fine. i know it.


and for the record, the most un-romantic word in the world is 'hormone'. haha.



sister is leaving saturday. sigh. i love her. she rocks totally. sigh. cant help but feel i always took her for granted. but make no mistake, that she is the rock in my life, that i will always fall back on. sigh. hate it when people you thought will always be there, leave. this house is gonna be so different. man.. life really has a way of making you learn.


kay. gdnight. better ciao now.

all i want is two weeks.

All i want is two weeks off. no more house relations com. no more JTS. no more racial harmony day. no mass dance(i would say 'more', except it never did quite apply to me). no more. just let me be. let me settle my debates. let me settle and let me cope. cause one week of pure debate pressure coupled with being on my own at home, is just too much for little old me tot ake.


and little is right. took my height today. 170cm. and ive lost weight. fuck man. tahts dam depressing. and i dont even know how. dammit. this isnt looking good at all.



house com investiture over! YES! one down.
ying lin, shaik, areif and mun. these guys seriously know their PR dam well. hats off to them. hats off. sigh.



tomorrow ill be doing parade comanding. dammit man. dammit. pressure.



siigh... pressure... what would i do without my friends. shit man... whaat the hell woudl i do.



and family too. of course im talking b0ut my real family now. ahha. and im talking bout my cousins and my sister, and my parents and my aunts and all. their great. sigh. well so are my adopted family i guess. hung with vicnan'nna and kartika'kka on sunday night.debates on monday with my 'debate family'. panorama on tuesday with my sister arthi.
family. what will we do without them.,,



but im starting to crack, seriously. the last two days of school alone and the major pressure of dealing with all the clashes were driving me nuts. thank god fer my class. lizzy and soef and all. and of course kenneth and sam. siigh.



and resutls sucked to the core. C for lit (my potentially BEST paper). im not even gonna talk about tamil. i didnt even get graded for my compo. wow man. it sucked that bad. siigh.



everything sucks these days. im going mad. my buttons are gone and ive no time to sew them. but yet im here now. siigh. look on the bright side....



dewei, nadia and jas are goin for the drama auditions for TJ DSA! YEAAA! there is hope for us...(breaks into song) "There is hope for us.... there is distance between you and I... is there hope for us...." i dunno who sang it though. postal service? the muse? the jealous sound? meeeh.... i dont even know if i got the words right. ah heck. screw it...



i like the beach though. the sunset, the moon, the waves, the clouds, the trees, the breeze. life is always good.



gngiht

The poems start coming back

Why i hate becoming popular.
Un-cohesiive rambling by rishik vijay menon.

and i dare say
that things change only when you stop noticing them
or at least in my case
cause i was simply too caught up
trying not to lie
and trying not to, not try
but still reach the same results
cause as my friends woudl all agree
with me. yes, little me.
its all about the pride
and i would fight for all that i dont want to lose
and at the moment of thinking and not thinking
and as the situation and course of events happened
i knew i had just lost control
and i still know it wasnt my fault
and i wont let it haunt me,
but it wont let me, be free
so i hide.
away into dark complex stories and
folds of half truths, to avoid facing the reality
into a convenient little gap of green and squares
where i didnt plan to end up in,
but, rather coincidentally too, i might add
found myself waking up to, so that i could
not quite start anew
but merely avoid the taint and the kink of
what i would claim
as my so call reputation
or please, dont say its stained.
and please dont claim im famed
cause that can only mean
that the ghost of accident
and the stench of embarassment
has found its way back to me
where the high profile
of my life cant be shown without the
swirling mass of something, decomposing slowly in the backyard
falling onto my ego, and smearing and destroying
in one huge blow
destroying the little defenses and
sources of comfort i have built up
over this stint of time.
so ill just save a dime,
and possible future misfortunes
and the dangerous risky possibility
of the slippery slope
and falling head first from
way up high mountain tops
and take the plunge myself
cause its better to leap
then to look, and ponder
and be pushed from behind,
anytime. so join me.
and lets spare ourselves
future misery and self-torment
by executing this task right now.

the story of a girl

this is the tale of a boy. who goes home everyday to turn up the volume of the his speakers and lets the emotion and music blast and scream by, so he doesnt have to do any screaming himself. he's too tired, you see.



absolution by academy is, is a beautiful 'end-of-day' kinda song.


so yesterday the exams came to an abrupt and horribly painful end. the paper i aimed to get my h3 in... history. sigh. and my h3 dreams couldnt have been destroyed in any a more humiliating way. a way so painfully stupid, and disgraceful. i forget i had to do two questions per paper. i only did 1 for paper 2.... i forfeited 25 marks without even giving my best in the other three questions.. i screwed up. major. and thats just that. sigh.



depressing. had lunch with arthi and hakimah at TM. returned to school for HC meeting, then followed keng mun to parkway. mainly for company more than anything else. i didnt want to go home. and i didnt want to face the question just yet. it was horrible. expecially after all the time i spent. kay fine. it wasnt much time. but still. i tried...



gosh. i sincerely swear, the pressure of exams have never been this strong before. i never felt this suffocated, this doomed, this..this forboding presence that takes all mood away. never before. i wasnt prepared for this feeling... why didnt anyone tell me.



but whatever. made a call to brandon and decided to play pool. won 6 games (1 game started by nigel, so i dont know if that counts), and lost 1. the first one. haha. sadness. need to catch up with my 4e1 mates more often. sigh.. or maybe the pesa clique.



yesterday was nigel's pesa. and he's in for the finals! whoo! i dont think selvam or nicholas got through though. sadly. ah well. nigel did! WHOO! all the way bro.. sigh. next wednesday is the secondary school rounds. round 2. jasvir and dewei are gonna make it. i know they are. haha. but will i be there for them. to see them.. i dunno...



debates tomorrow. and im predicting monday and wednesday too. and friday. and saturday. and repeat. haha. ah well. two more school days till HC invest is done. two more days. haha. siigh.



then its gonna be all debates all the way till 15th. JTS... i dunno man. wow. i think we'd just postpone it till november like what zi hui said. makes sense if yer ask me. haha. less pressure the better.



gotta type emcee script now. so as to give time for debates tomorrow. hmmm.



my grandma has come over. she makes great murukus. haha. is till remember a few dipavalis ago, my mom gave indian goodies to our neighbours. but she bought all from serangoon road. except for atha's murukus. and aunty sue, as good as told me that all were bland except for the murukus. ahahhah. it was painfuly true too. dont buy goodies from serangoon road.


anyways today, went school morning for investiture rehearsal. then it was house com all the way. so much to settle. was so grateful when lunch came. only to realize i was kinda short on cash. had to borrow from the 'bigger man', ying lin. haha. lunch was funny. amanda's drink and HC jersey got shat on by a bird. so i bought her a milo dinosaur to comfort her. and then she spilled half the milo powder on the table. hahaha. it was hilarious.

so me, kamun, and amanda went to kamun's place, and we worked and worked and worked. but it paid off. we got the collage done in time. the three of us. in 5 hours. haha. so proud.


sigh. and dont you hate it when iced milo gets sealed up in those bubble tea cups. and you cant eat the ice when yorud one with the drink. or any iced drink for the matter.


stupid bubble tea cup machines... >=(



sigh. i want dinner. but for that to happen, i think its easier i follow my parents to the golf range. sigh. farewell dear emcee script. i shall see when the time comes...


byes.