i found my dream station

i found my dream station. AOLradio: emo. wow. if only i had known earlier. ah whatever the case. it rocks. good sound 24/7. sigh. amazing.



missing. missing that something in my life. sigh...



watched da vinci code today. i liked silas. the angel... sigh. i like angels..


wished i could be one.


if only i wasnt so human.


but i am.



very.



off to pre u sem tomorrow.
just finished my Ki essay. whoot.




who will remember me when im gone. i dont want to be missed. just remembered.

and now the answer to the annoying question of the day.

standing in line to see the show tonight and theres a light on....
red hot.



...and what sucks the most about cutting my hair short, is now when i wear my hat, there is no fringe or sideburns or back sticking out. and i feel bald. =S



so my hat stays home for now. least till my hair grows back.



so for the answer to the most annoying question of the day:
NO. next year my email will not change to rishik18@gmail.com....like wtf. 17 is a nice number! like, come on! gimme a break.




alpha won last night. clean sweep. haha. and history was made. and glory is ours.



they had this band, wolverine perform last night. they were freakin good. but the audience looked so dead. its kinda sad. they reminded me a bit of from autumn to ashes. very gothic sound to them. freakin good. and the lead singer/bassist had this incredible voice. was woah! sigh. but was a poor audience. sadness.




anyways, told the council people im too sick to go for the workshop thingy.



and now my day begins. with a fresh bowl of frosties.



see ya tomorrow.

barrell of a gun

mardy bum by arctic monkeys is dam nice.


eating cup noodles for dinner. improvement from apples indeed.



Ki essay due monday. sports carn tomorrow. saturday i got debates. or leadership workshop. whatever.



i start to care less and less about school service. sigh. and i really just wanna hang out with my friends again. and this is way different from st pats where your friends WERE fellow leaders.




tomorrow night i wanna do something for my com..



why rishik why. sc investiture is over... im just counting the days towards the JCTs. then its gonna be to the days till next year's hc handover... just a little bit more man! a little bit more! almost there. ahha.



the pain is temporary.
but glory is forever.



i dont know what to blog about anymore...

sigh. its just all these various lives i lead. all wearing out my shoulder. and i really dont like some of them. but its just there, weighing down. and its hard to lead the live i wanna live anymore. and the reluctance in my face grows clearer and clearer. a good life, but still not quite what i intended for. and its saddening knowing that i put myself through this, that this happened becuase of me.



but ill find a way to get back. things will work itself out sooner or later. it always will.



soon enough. soon enough. ill meet my old friends again.




g'night.

its 11 55

its 1155. i think that means soemthing. im not quite sure what. hmmm....



oh well.



hands down by DC.

the immigrant song by led zeppelin.



apples arnt good enough for dinner. its true..



head aches.

had a heart to heart talk with ben tay. kay not really. but yeah. still. he's a nice guy. really he is. reminds me a lil of myself, and how i treated my juniors in sec 4. heh.



shut your mouth
i hear a fresh new flavour.
smell that sound
i swear its taking over.
all that life inside; you know i try to hide.

hold my hand
i swear your not too sure now.
you fall i stand
into a blinding light, how
it has come to this, i pray it ends tonight.


-rishik...
inspired by good ol christopher ender. but who else.

yes i got a webcam! last week!

shalalala bong.



and i missed singapore idol's only audition show. waaah! screw it man. so sad...



on a lighter note i saw spongebob today. ahha. whoo! i love spongebob. king opf random humour! whoooo!



and i cut my hair. and my mom spent 90 dollars worth of shoes on me today. wow. i love her. she rocks my world.


had sc invest rehearsal today.
and sometimes the pressure gets to you.
and soemtimes it gets to others around you.
and you just got to be strong.
cause we are the house captains.
and we will be the last men standing.

ah well...


i got my own insecurites. like how im the most un-enthu of the 4 house capts. and how i find it hard to even relate to my own com. but as ying lin said, they just dont know me yet... but its true. its bout time i step up soon.


ki political forum has started groundwork. whoot. can hardly wait.



so ive been thinking it through. and i suppose this is what i shall be doing next year.

H2 KI
H2 Lit
H2 History
H1 Econs
H1 Tamil B
H3 History (MOE)


this is presuming of course im allowed to drop maths, im allowed to keep KI, i qualify for H3 history, and i fail H1 tamil this year. haha. oh joy.


chatting with geetha and de wei. and confusing their conversations. haha. i find it hilarious. 28 dollar nikes. hahahaha.



guys cant multi task. i concede.



tomorrow got debates.
tomorrow should i go with the rest to buy stuff fer my com and my capt?


ill try and do both if i could. oh yes, i really would.



well well. my times up here. see ya later.

its time fer some western...

sweet acoustic country hits. shit man. sad thing is now i cant fidn the song lyrics on the internet. specially cause the only line of the song i remember was "singing like a guitar humming". and so you can imagine what turns up in a search for lyrics+singing+guitar+humming.... yeaaa. the dam-amnity of it all.



a need to cut my nails. but theres no nail clippers to be found.
a need to cut my hair. but i only awake after all the barbers have closed.


so im back from HC camp. and man. talk about ur paradigm shifts.


man. dunno how many times i wished things were like they were in st pats.



my fazley hates me i think. i guess i would hate me too if i were him. but hell man! he's a freakin bore fest. what do you expect? not my fault i fall asleep. and really. its just bad luck that the VP caught me playing with my calculator. but hey. the only reason i even did was to stay awake. sheesh. it wasnt even like i was playing a game. was just hitting 1 and 0 again to form patterns. like what the hell man.


what made my day last week. walking late for maths class with jing xian and esther listenin to voodoo child by jimmy hendrix. just soaking in the music and loving it. sigh. that was the moment.



the camp experience. was fine. wasnt that good. well wasnt terible either. was just FINE, id say. yeaa. was fine... i mean. i dunno. i try hard to fit in. but its just fine i guess. i mean some people just dont clique. thats just how it is....


wednesday i failed my first econs essay. or at least i bet i will. sigh. sadness. but on a lighter note i did manage to catch amitha and nadia's SYF. and whoa. they were GOOD! and i felt so sad it ended so early. just wanted it to go on. see more. enjoy more. but was good nonetheless.



so much to be done. here i am so unprepared for tomorrow.



but tonight i insist on sitting here eating my prata and just hoping that they will come online. and i might have the choice of chatting with them again.


people i havent seen inawhile and i wanna see before the year ends:
ben ow
shane
kyle
marc
nicholas gn
kubo
joseph
chris
josh
the clique
geetha + slc peeps


and then there are those people who i see everyday but still feels like ive hardly talked to them in ages:
kiran and nigel
my classmates




and now for the conclusion of today's entry:

I swear i have no clue where i am, or how i ended up here.
But one thing i know. I know who i am. and i wont forget that....


but whats the point of knowing who i am, when the others who know me arnt here.

slowly the mess clears. the calm in the eye of the storm.

one of my nicer doodles. decided to scan it. my best work happens in the more interesting subjects, like KI. sigh. and pizza was good today. yes yes. good. makes me feel sorta indepted to mr veera. hmmm. there is always the politcial forum thingy. haha. maybe that would work out.


incidentally its a full moon tonight. i like the moon. sigh...


bought a nice trucker hat last friday. i like my trucker cap. should get a picture of it soon. =D



lost my graphing calculator last wednesday. after debates. just didnt have it anymore. now im pretty sure the kI room was clean when we left it which means prolly one of the debators have it. which is prolly the main reason im really not panicky. sigh... but hot, i am.


and yes i am hot. its freakin stuffy these days. so stuffy that i have started using the word 'prolly' instead of probabaly, even though i find it disgusting. its easier for my typo-prone fingers you see. you understand dont you... dont you...



turned the fan up to three and now its just being loud and annoying. ahh. back to two. back to my stuffy calm. hmm.



my brother left last saturday for australia. not quite sure what we were doing in the airport on friday though. besides have ice cream. hmmm. pretty sure i saw him with his luggage. or did i. bleah. i blame this memory loss on debate stress.



and wow. nothing sucks more than losing to bad debators with bad cases. nothing annoys an opposition more than sucha messy tangle of a case than its confusing of where to start the attack or make sense. and yes. we lost to JJC and CJC. the only consolation i can see is finding a JC with an uglier unifrom than ours. whoo.



final debate against PJ. and yes, we were prop. as a team we won. as a speaker i think that was one of my worst (since the SR incident). dissapointing. i guess thats my problem which i gotta work on. learn how to tear down arguements in 30 seconds. sigh. time dam-management.



ah well. just got to keep learning i guess. keep on learning.



sos unday was mother's day. woke up early under kartika'kka's orders to try and get amma a spa. stupid spas. all closed in the morning. in the weirdest twist of events amma brought US to get a massage by this freaky ol chinese lady in some apartment in macpherson. was interesting. but not soemthing id want to do again in a long time. haha.



ooh its ten already. better go online now.




after that i left my dear family to go join selvam ,brandon and jeremy at MP library. did a lil econs, a lil history and then went to play pool. haha. skills dammit. miss them skills.



i feel compelled to write 2 poems. hmmms.
mr veera's idea of holding a forum for the WP youth and PAP youth.
miss kwan's journalism elective. the thing is i really wanna go. sadly im too lazy to even do the entrance paper.


im pretty sure its one of the sins. what was it. slobbery? no that doesnt sound right. sloth! ahh. yes yes... sloth.



missing my past already. badminton with kubo. skating with zenn and dharvin. studying with the old clique. but things change. sigh.



soefie saw marc last thursday. stephanie saw him today. haha. everyones seeing marc. sigh. 'cept for me, of late. kinda hard not to miss that guy; especially when you hear so much about him every where you turn.



shane's gonna get his strings this friday. sigh. my poor guitar. i just had to tune it last sunday. cant remember how long its been. and i still got my money for my bass. just not yet invetsing. not yet. hardly went jammin at all this year. not sure if its worth the investment, considering how often id actually by using it.



ah well...



ill be off now. and just live with the faith that things will work out. sigh...


i need more food. gnight.

here we go

so its a sunday. this blog gets more and more weirded out. nothings gonna stop me. graaaaa! foyyy graa!



i have decided there are four groups of humour.

Non-sequitar: the humour of the absolute random and high.
Lame: the humour of the painfully bad puns and accents
Smart: The sharp odservation, witty comebacks and the humour of sarcasm. the clever innuendos.
slapstick: The humour of over exaggeration and... yeah slapstick.



shalala. i think i fall into a very distinctive non-sequitar branch, after i decided that sarcasm wasnt really very nice and that it didnt really do much for my social circle.




fridayw as debates. staurday ACJC collegiates. wow. lost two debates. won one. sadness. i guess i could blog about that now. or i could blog about today. where i went for a massage at this strange ulu place in macpherson, followed by studying in MP library with selvam, jeremy yeap and brandon. then played pool. then went to see michael's confirmation. then went to brandon's house for dinner.



hmmmm. or maybe i wont blog about both and just sleep. or iron my uniform. or read the sandman. WHOO!



i got a B for history! whooo! C average. haha. talk about living your dreams. especially when your dreams are so freagin low.



maybve im not doing enough as alpha house capt. sigh. confusion confusion.



people are tagging. hmmm. best i reply.

hot topic

whoot. hot topic man. its hot topic.



closing night for the sex performance.
house committee meeting.
debates.



bleah. top topic people. get it while you can.



POYO math shit due last friday.
history table shit due last tuesday.
both still undone.



buy stuff for house com camp.
collect stuff for house com camp.
call people for house com.



its hot hot hot. hot topic.




debates on saturday. whoot. this is gonna be fun.




andrea's dance performance next friday. and sadly i cant catch lizzy's performance. damn house com camp.



hot topic. hot topic. doenst get any hotter.



so im out of Mock UN. and im in S cube thingy.
still in pre-u sem. in spite of skipping the briefing shit.



thigns are moving faster and faster.




JCTs. investiture. house com camp.





hot topic. i have no idea what the hell that is. hot topic.




well im off.



thinking of people. and how people think of me. hmmmm.

The paradox tries to explain himself. and his mess.

sigh. i feel like the boyfriend who cheated on his girlfriend. and has settled with the mistress. sigh...


and so the sad confession begins.... the young rishik slumps on the bar stool as he hears voices in his head.


"congrats!"
"sia lia... house capt.."
"You did it! your house captain!"
but then much louder and much more impactful came those words from the nat.
"why you screwing(echo "screwing" here)
good bye debate presidentship (echo "ship" here)"


sigh.... rishik sips from his glass as the jukebox plays the most appropriately sad song.


"bye, bye love!
Bye bye happiness!
hello, loniness,
i think im gonna cry.
bye bye, my love, good bye.
bye bye, my love, good bye"


sigh. the music fades along with the weird cowboy, saloon bar fantasy... and the kid is still a kid.



hypocrite. traitor. selfish. power-hungry. tyco. ive been called it all. and i must admit im sucha freakin contradiction at times. but i dunno. i just feel its bout time i set the record straight. so i myself know what i want. yeah. and i guess all you other busy bodies can read too if you want. point out my hypocracies if thats what makes your day. bit by bit comment and analize me to death...sigh.




why i wanted to join SC:

to make change. to make difference. to be in a position to inflict change into the school better. in particular with regards to rules and and the whole idea of student parliment and the student union. sigh. guess it might not work out now. in HC and all...


if you conisder these reasons, is hould have just stayed out of SC and joined the discipline com. but then again, we must consider the fact that im a jackass.



why i accepted joining HC:

becuase of that movie, remember the titans. and that stupid scene where the guy says, "sometimes you arnt ready for responsibility, and you think you arnt meant for it. but when your team needs you, you dont let them down."
gaah! stupid sentimental shit. and random people along corridors and ppl messaging me asking me to become HC... i dunno...was still reluctant. than came the final temptation in ben tay's speech.
"you have a good House committee beneath you. but what they need is a house captain. a house captain. just to be there. dont worry about the work. your peers are a very good batch."
gaah. it was temptation. i gave in. for what started out as an ultruistic intention, what finally brought me over was the cheap one. the idea that i could just be a figure head. i sold out. and yes. im ashamed.


the question of my loyalty to debates:

ive never wavered. regardless of what i said or might have implied. ive always loved debates since that first meeting. ive learnt. ive applied. ive improved. ive contacted peers. ive organised them. i turned up whenever i could. as for the SC, debate loyalty quetsion.
i always said id juggle my time. and thats what ive been doing. but if you do look closely, ive alwyas priorities debates over SC. at the sc exco elections i made it very clear "my heart was in debates" (to quote me exactly) and that i would still "do my best to juggle and prevent any clash. and if there was a clash id just have to prioritise based on that time. and most likely id put SC above debates." yes i said that. id said i "take time off debates to focus on SC". but what have i really been doing. is that really whats been happening? not really. and to make things worse, during my HC interview i actually said "id priorites debates over HC during competition period, and im sure i will be able to cope with HC after that." so heres my contradiction. where do i prioritise? i dunno. sigh... i guess all we can do is look at things. how often have i missed debates versus how often have i missed mass dance practise, mass dance test, council camp, nominees meetings. i dunno how much that says. or the time i put into debates after school, and what that says. but yeah.


i need help.




ive resigned to not getting a place in debate exco (another contradiction considering i always said i would try for a post in exco, since the Q & A of SC). but i know where my heart is. i know what i must do. i know what i will do. i think so. hmmmm.... shitty.



so ill do my work. ill get my As and Bs and Cs. dont you worry. ill handle the investiture well. you know i dont screw with projects once ive been put in a position of responsibility. and after that ill handle eveyrhting else in my charge well... dont you worry. i can cope. ill juggle. watch me.




PW work is done. KI work is done. hmmm. alls left is my uniform needs to be ironed. im off...



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0zAlXr1UOs&dpos=2
cause we all got to destress.



no more chocolates for me. ahhahaha. or coffee. or so i say today.



"bye bye love...." *the music fades. as he lives into the sandy wilderness...the sun setting into the horizon.*

a political profile. of sorts

WER-KER'S PAR-TEY! WER-KER'S PAR-TEY! WER-KER'S PAR-TEY!


i find politics fascintaing. and heartening. heartening that the PAP only garnered a support of a mere 66%. dissapointing of course that WP lost in aljunied. bizzare that SDA got such a large support in pasir ris. but worst of all, sickening that the media is so biased and unbalanced. sadness...



i have three poitns of contention with our system. the atmosphere of fear which has not changed since the departure of the BS. The grossly unbalanced, censored, un-entertaining media and restraints of freedom of expression. And the usage of money politics, and the million dollar carrots. but today i awake a comforted soul. for the fact that potong pasir and hougang did not waver and bite those carrots and stayed true to thier MPs.




but enough political talk.




the future. sigh. must it come to this? a point where i have no choice BUT to get a scholarship for an education. sigh. SPH would be ideal, but if not, it seems like im gonna settle for MOE. but arghh! MOE!?? 6 years of my life teaching? i mean... ergh.. annoyance, man.



debates yesterday. debates today. ill be off.

waiting to regain my music

whoot. went nigel's house today. exploited his limewire to my advantage to get as many of the songs which i once had, and lost, back. from autumn to ashes, to from first to last. spill canvas, the jealous sound. Brand new and further seems forever. whooo.


now all i got to do, is wait for him to come online and send it to me... wait... wait... he will come. haha. i know he will... =s




today was friday. and like all fridays, no matter how early i slept the night before i couldnt help but fall asleep in at least two out of the three classes. today it was math and history. but wasnt too bad. at least i tried... ah heck. who am i trying to convince here? forget it.




got a B for math. not bad. mantaining my C avergae. gaaah.



thats dam wrong. why the hell am i so bothered about school life. and school work. isnt there another part of me. which i used to bother about. crap la...




tomorrow goin nigel's house for debates.. debates...



gone so young by amber pacific.




my entries are starting to suck. i blame it all on school life. and the lack of anything else i want to blog about. shitty.


sigh. im telling you. its the 'lack of hot girl' syndrome. it gets to you slowly. soon food bcoems the only incentive in life. hahah.






im off.

not even i thought it would work this smoothly

Not even I, figured things would work out so freagin smoothly. perfect transactions and transfers, sends me to a state of uncomfortable tranquility.



i dunno why. im just waiting for things to screw up. a little. haha. its onlu after thigns screw up, can i break free. i think....hmmm. my mind works in strange ways.



anyways what was i talking about? oh yeah. perfect transitions. like how immediately after school i went to see mr see to find out that he wasnt in school. and then i practised for the sex skit tomorrow. then i met beng for investiture. and along the way i confirmed the timing of debates with sean. and then i could photocopy a script for mrs chang, pass the investiture proposal file to ms norsheha and still make it in time for debates. and after debates, i could still go for HC interview which was cool. haha. the interview was wow. got shot left right centre. i think i screwed around with alot of my answers, and handled them in a totally crappy way. but hell.



and looks like tomorrow is gonna be a day of smooth, if not tight, transitions too. from 1155-1250 ill be preparing for the sex skit. 1250 to 1345 sex skit. 1345 to 1440 HC introductions, Q & A, and i think elections too. and then comes debates.




"how important is debates to you?"
"Very."



hahaha. wow. three months back, id never forsee myself saying that. things sure dotn turn out the way you think they would.




i got a C for econs. which is pretty fascinating. im hitting a C average so far. i think thats good. im on my way to a scholarship! WHOO! haha.



sunday went well. ate a chat masala. super expensive. but the food was good, or i cant deny that.



got my NYAA gold book today. now i cant start on my slow and steady climb to nyaa gold. whoot. nearly there.



the straits times is getting more and more annoying, day by day. talking about loads of shi, and making mountains out of mole hills, like the whole gomez problem. honestly. i just wish singaporeans living in aljunied are about as pissed off as me, and vote for the worker's party. super annoying politics. siiigh.




whatever the case, i know what i beleive in. ill be strong. remember " 'V' For Vendetta". Remember what how it inspired you. how it reminded you of the beauty of ideas. and how sometimes, whats really important is not quality of life but the meaning and the purpose behind what you fight it for.




things will work out. relax, kid. just relax.... things always work out.



sigh. and you all know i love endings. cause it means there is now a chance for a begining. and beginnings are never dry nor banal. and you know, the reason for the pre-mature euthanasia of dozens of my short stories was due to my love of starting a sequal, though i never could finish those either. and you know, when all this ends, ill be looking forward to the beginning of the next chapter.


so lets end this. g'night.