i laugh when the end comes, and it seems alle lse had failed. the the final hour had struck, and the biting harsh cold of reality is just too much to bare. when i my head gets all dizzy and the blood starts rushing to that fine point between consiousness and nothingness. i laugh. cause i have failed.
this is why i love st pat's. the spontaneous way we can just be at the bus stop one second, all thougths on going home.. and be on bus 36 making my way to Plaza sing with shane and justin, goign to watch lords of dog town. ahha. sweet. bought two Cds. one for One dollar! ghaha. its was A's Hi fi seriuos, which isnt so bad. so far. listening to it now. ahha. also bought yellow card. mmmm. my money is serious flying fast. better go cold turkey soon, to recover loses. haha.
Bio results today. sigh. im not goign to talk about it. cause its just not worth my time.
got weird messaged during tamil class and then chem lab and got caught both times.. haha. some how bluffed my way out of tamil class, by syaing i was checking the time, seeing as how the tamil class clock was spoilt. ahha. in return i got a long lecture about how the guy who invented time was blah blah blah. i didnt really understand. it was in tamil. ahha.
hmmmm. been sleeping on the floor the past few days. hope it helpd my back. tomorrow going jamming with alfred, ben mao and jonny (yeo). haha. so i was practising bass tabing today in yamaha. ahha. coolness. my first time playing. sigh. music is what you will hear when you call rishik, so said jasvir. haha. not cause of my voice though. haha. think radio.
gtg. ciao.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
uhhh... bad
kay. lets make this quick. back ache has returned. geetha and jonathen(eu)'s birthday has passed. i got gastric. went to study with the old gang today. stayed back for night night study with ben mao. think im going CJC, for sure. my com is a bitch. bye.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
At the request of my dear brother
i should stop saying fuck. yeah. ive been trying. haha. and for my own sake, i need to stop talking too fast too. i come out sounding really strident. which doenst really work to my advantage all the time. sigh. alrigths
And now im doubting me. i know i shoundt be, but im down. I have been down. Ben jelen, is pro. Great musical arrangement.
Everyone's wants m to be dfferent. my parents want me to be sporty or rugged. my friends want me to be fun. my teachers want me to be serious. i want to be artistic. i want... frankly i dont know what i want anymore. sigh. this is where the conflct of intrests starts. when my own intrests are undefined. this is possibly the most nebluos stage of me life. sigh.
this morning, did abit of gardening and went with me mom to buy breakfast. as i type the rest of my family right now making lunch. haha. sighs....
yesterday i skipped tuition. haha. whatevr. ill go next week. went to cafe cartel for lunch with my family. was good. then went shopping with me sis. i bought this REAALLy good looking S & K shirt. which was kidna comfy too. and this A level Chem textbook, which i was reading before i came online. mmm. chem... because i dotn want to stagnate. because i want to keep learning. yah. haha. its true for all subjects.. the first stages are the worst. but once you master it, you dont want to settle for less. you just want to keep going, and growing.
last night went to OLPS youth mass, at the request of michelle and wesley. haha. it was fun. the first people i met there was kyle, kurt(kyle's brother), Sam, shane, and damien. Sam later went off with his friends. teh church was way cool. bao was on the bass and it was excellent. inspired me even more to learn. after the Os... haha. thats what i say. afte the Os. hmmm. yesterday i kinda mastered 'Handsdown' and 'be like that' on the guitar. yay. pleased with myself. first time i learnt to play something without the help of anyone else. sweet. progress rocks. as compared to stagnating. sigh. michelle, wesley and josh and freda were in the choir. cool. after the mass, josh, damine, kyle, kurt, myself and some other girls walked ourselves to siglap macs for supper. haha. was fun. josh was going crazy again. haha. sigh. and when josh is crazy it kidna spreads. there was a girl named leanne. who knew my name. 0_o... hmmm. aparently i met her way back in sec 1. haha. ah'. that gang. the old alexcia and so on people. pffft. its been long.
once in macs we reunited with alot of people. and mt alot of peopl.e. like uhm... nicole and jeanete and yama. or was it yana. oh wells. haha. they were cool. shared a cab home with nicole seeing as how she lived in pasir ris. apparently she is in Y2Y too. yeah. says she recgonized me as being annurshah's friend. hmmm. im being recgonized too often. not good. haha. wesleywas sitting with germaine and felecia. who were asking me alot of random questions. ahha. weird funny people. the whole lot of them.
oh i almost forgot! Josh got a splinter. haha. yeah. got it out in the end. hmmm. bao and freda were also in macs. sigh. and now i gtg have lunch..
and i dont know what is going on. i dotn know whats happening. i dont know.. i swear i have never been so at home, and so lost. shitty-ness. that was my compo title. lost. god. i dont wanna think about my english marks.
anyways. here is my L1R3----7
and here is what i predict my l1R5 will be------25
yeahs. sigh. i hate bio. disection makes me sick.
i wanna study. desperately. but i cant do it alone. sickeningly.
And now im doubting me. i know i shoundt be, but im down. I have been down. Ben jelen, is pro. Great musical arrangement.
Everyone's wants m to be dfferent. my parents want me to be sporty or rugged. my friends want me to be fun. my teachers want me to be serious. i want to be artistic. i want... frankly i dont know what i want anymore. sigh. this is where the conflct of intrests starts. when my own intrests are undefined. this is possibly the most nebluos stage of me life. sigh.
this morning, did abit of gardening and went with me mom to buy breakfast. as i type the rest of my family right now making lunch. haha. sighs....
yesterday i skipped tuition. haha. whatevr. ill go next week. went to cafe cartel for lunch with my family. was good. then went shopping with me sis. i bought this REAALLy good looking S & K shirt. which was kidna comfy too. and this A level Chem textbook, which i was reading before i came online. mmm. chem... because i dotn want to stagnate. because i want to keep learning. yah. haha. its true for all subjects.. the first stages are the worst. but once you master it, you dont want to settle for less. you just want to keep going, and growing.
last night went to OLPS youth mass, at the request of michelle and wesley. haha. it was fun. the first people i met there was kyle, kurt(kyle's brother), Sam, shane, and damien. Sam later went off with his friends. teh church was way cool. bao was on the bass and it was excellent. inspired me even more to learn. after the Os... haha. thats what i say. afte the Os. hmmm. yesterday i kinda mastered 'Handsdown' and 'be like that' on the guitar. yay. pleased with myself. first time i learnt to play something without the help of anyone else. sweet. progress rocks. as compared to stagnating. sigh. michelle, wesley and josh and freda were in the choir. cool. after the mass, josh, damine, kyle, kurt, myself and some other girls walked ourselves to siglap macs for supper. haha. was fun. josh was going crazy again. haha. sigh. and when josh is crazy it kidna spreads. there was a girl named leanne. who knew my name. 0_o... hmmm. aparently i met her way back in sec 1. haha. ah'. that gang. the old alexcia and so on people. pffft. its been long.
once in macs we reunited with alot of people. and mt alot of peopl.e. like uhm... nicole and jeanete and yama. or was it yana. oh wells. haha. they were cool. shared a cab home with nicole seeing as how she lived in pasir ris. apparently she is in Y2Y too. yeah. says she recgonized me as being annurshah's friend. hmmm. im being recgonized too often. not good. haha. wesleywas sitting with germaine and felecia. who were asking me alot of random questions. ahha. weird funny people. the whole lot of them.
oh i almost forgot! Josh got a splinter. haha. yeah. got it out in the end. hmmm. bao and freda were also in macs. sigh. and now i gtg have lunch..
and i dont know what is going on. i dotn know whats happening. i dont know.. i swear i have never been so at home, and so lost. shitty-ness. that was my compo title. lost. god. i dont wanna think about my english marks.
anyways. here is my L1R3----7
and here is what i predict my l1R5 will be------25
yeahs. sigh. i hate bio. disection makes me sick.
i wanna study. desperately. but i cant do it alone. sickeningly.
Friday, September 23, 2005
what if i give it all that i got
and i still dont got what they need.
yay. i swear. my life of late has been one box of chocolates after another. haha. sigh. its beautiful. woke up in the morning with a killing ache on my back. and its crappy. had to move really slow. and when i yawned or breathed in heavily, it hurts even more. and then i stop breathing momentarily. ahha. crappy-ness. went to school in hopes that i would gte back results. seeing as how i didnt I... went home. ahha. actually i didnt. went to CGH. got my back x rayed and all. haha. got some S shaped spine thingy going on. curved. which was apparetly teh cause of the pain. and its gonna hve implications in NS of course. ahha. sweet. seeing a specialist on the 7th ovtober. tahtsa friday.
having a party at jeremy's house on friday. ahha. ill be inviting the gang of course. hmmm. back hurts. got loads of meds though. 5 pills per meal. thats 15 pills a day. haha. s'crappy.
sigh. come monday i get my tamil B results. and i got my tamil B orals. cool. haha. O levels draw even nearer. add maths, bio and SS results on monday. should really go to school. though my MC does cover monday. alas. tomorrow i got piano class and tuition. how sweet is that. which reminds me. i got some piano theory homework to finish. yay. piano theory is dam fun. i swear.
i wanna see a movie! soon!.. and ic ant see brother grimm tomorrow cause of me piano/tuition. ahha. but eitehr ways i wouldnt have wanted to seen it anyway. but still.. i think i told this to meera or someone else... watching movies, is not for the movie. its for the socialising. its for the chance or opportunity to meet up. njoy the good company of friends. haha. but i dunno. i mean hey, you can do that without paying 10 bucks. and sitting in a coffee shop is way more interactive and personal that staring at a big screen quietly.yeahs. sigh. ahha
ill be off. need to clean the piano. incense and poly-liquid. haha.
yay. i swear. my life of late has been one box of chocolates after another. haha. sigh. its beautiful. woke up in the morning with a killing ache on my back. and its crappy. had to move really slow. and when i yawned or breathed in heavily, it hurts even more. and then i stop breathing momentarily. ahha. crappy-ness. went to school in hopes that i would gte back results. seeing as how i didnt I... went home. ahha. actually i didnt. went to CGH. got my back x rayed and all. haha. got some S shaped spine thingy going on. curved. which was apparetly teh cause of the pain. and its gonna hve implications in NS of course. ahha. sweet. seeing a specialist on the 7th ovtober. tahtsa friday.
having a party at jeremy's house on friday. ahha. ill be inviting the gang of course. hmmm. back hurts. got loads of meds though. 5 pills per meal. thats 15 pills a day. haha. s'crappy.
sigh. come monday i get my tamil B results. and i got my tamil B orals. cool. haha. O levels draw even nearer. add maths, bio and SS results on monday. should really go to school. though my MC does cover monday. alas. tomorrow i got piano class and tuition. how sweet is that. which reminds me. i got some piano theory homework to finish. yay. piano theory is dam fun. i swear.
i wanna see a movie! soon!.. and ic ant see brother grimm tomorrow cause of me piano/tuition. ahha. but eitehr ways i wouldnt have wanted to seen it anyway. but still.. i think i told this to meera or someone else... watching movies, is not for the movie. its for the socialising. its for the chance or opportunity to meet up. njoy the good company of friends. haha. but i dunno. i mean hey, you can do that without paying 10 bucks. and sitting in a coffee shop is way more interactive and personal that staring at a big screen quietly.yeahs. sigh. ahha
ill be off. need to clean the piano. incense and poly-liquid. haha.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
this is my culture
to never stop excelling.
Fuck.. in this span of less than a week, i have broken my own personal record of feeling fucked up three times. this being the most recent.. and the crappiest. God.
My sky came crashing down today. everything shattered. Everything. u swear. my insignificance bit hard into my flesh and it was fucking cold. and it fucking hell hurts. and i feel like shit. liek crap. my insides are burning me and i want to die sooo soo soo much. cause i dont know what the fuck im gonna do with my fucking life. cause i have failed. in the worst way ever. and its killing me so much, im chocking to fight back these tears swelling in my small red eyes. that this could happen to me. fuck. Fuck!
when my grade for english first entered my ears from the lips of nicholas my heart skipped a beat. maybe two. i prayed he was lying. i prayed he was just pulling my leg. trying to demoralise me as he always does. but soemthing in me knew he was telling the truth. and soon it had sunk in. i had failed. not only had i not gotten top in level. i had dropped lower than i ever had in my life! EVER. i was fucking demoralised when i got 23/30 for my free writing. i was shocked. frsutrated. my mind was blown by the immense drop of myr esults. and this. this score killed me. 19... and those words they say still run over my ehad.. "wow. i matched up to your standard" by donald... "Rishik, what happened. does mr michael have a grudge against you" mrs leslie. "you will get your a1" bryan cheang. "fuck you lah, A2 is good enough" by some 4E2 boys. and god. its NOT! its...hurting. my body feels horrible. how low i coudl drop. and its destroying me one by one. the fact that i dropped lower than i EVER had. the fact that jeremy, nicholas GN, marc and bryan ALL beat me, and got A1s... the fact that THIS WAS THE PRELIMS. MY LASR CHANCE TO GET TOP IN LEVEL FOR ENGLISH. and i fucked up so bad! my god... i dunno who will understand how i feel right now. Who......
tried to take my mind of it by going to great world with jeremy to do add maths. it helped abit. not much. my eyes were getting red. jeremy coudl tell i wasnt feeling right. and i wasnt. i was gone. more than ever. and it just kept rolling over and over in my head. the facts. the scores. the results. the words. The fact that mrs leslie would praise me and use me as an example in 3E4. The fact that mrs err the HOD of english had apparently been praising me and talking about me, just me, in 4E2 and how my essays were truly applaudable. and then soemthing like this comes and slaps you hard in the face. and everything just collapses. when i got home i couldnt take it anymore. couldnt hold it in much longer. went to my room. looked at my mirror. and at the split secodn my eyes saw that face. of that child who had lost everything he stood for. i broke down. and onvce again i felt like shit more than eevr.
and i still feel like shit. for a different reason. for being such a fucking hypocrite and reducing myself to everything i was against. for lecturing jasvir about how fucked marks and results are. how little they mean to us. how a judge of a person's worth and character is not the number of marks he has, or booksmarts. how sad and pathetic a person truly is, if his only goal in life is to beat others in school subjects. how everytime i tell people the grades means nothing. and to move on in life. how i tell them not to worry. how i tell them its okay, and its not important. and to look at thebigger picture. and here i am. going against every single fucked up thing i have preached.
i have been reduced to a kiasu singaporean. and this is whatis making me feel even more like shit. First the english results. and then the fact that i was affected by the english results is making me feel stupid. and either eway... i dunno anymore. i wanna die. i wanna cry. but i already am doing that. and its not helping.
"what if" by plain white tees. i want to give to community. i want to donate blood. i want to give free tuition. i want to help out. i have this growing stirring in me to do that. i REALLY want to. yeah.
got second in level fer chem. good ol marc got first. now HE is someone who has chemistry not just with 'Chemistry' but with nearly every subject. haha. sigh. he deserves it. he's a REAL nice friend. dont know what ill do without him. sigh. haha. sigh.
i felt confused as it was last night. today's english results made it fuck-load worse. and i now.. all i want to know is this. WHO AM I... WHO AM I.....
tamil B orals was fucked today. people were talking in class, and i had trouble reading. and i took one whole period. sigh.
ben mao wanst to start a band. haha. said he was thinking of me and alfred. if i learnt he bass i might just join. but he needs a drummer. and i doubt brandon and mao are the best of friends. sigh. whateevr the case im bring my guitar tomorrow. yeap. michelle asked me to join her church ministry of music thingamajingy. dont mind joign that too, if i can. haha. thingamajingy. im learnign funny words from jeremy wong after sitting behind him for prelims. haha. oh wells.
feeling better now thanks mainly to marc. sigh. Who am i......
Fuck.. in this span of less than a week, i have broken my own personal record of feeling fucked up three times. this being the most recent.. and the crappiest. God.
My sky came crashing down today. everything shattered. Everything. u swear. my insignificance bit hard into my flesh and it was fucking cold. and it fucking hell hurts. and i feel like shit. liek crap. my insides are burning me and i want to die sooo soo soo much. cause i dont know what the fuck im gonna do with my fucking life. cause i have failed. in the worst way ever. and its killing me so much, im chocking to fight back these tears swelling in my small red eyes. that this could happen to me. fuck. Fuck!
when my grade for english first entered my ears from the lips of nicholas my heart skipped a beat. maybe two. i prayed he was lying. i prayed he was just pulling my leg. trying to demoralise me as he always does. but soemthing in me knew he was telling the truth. and soon it had sunk in. i had failed. not only had i not gotten top in level. i had dropped lower than i ever had in my life! EVER. i was fucking demoralised when i got 23/30 for my free writing. i was shocked. frsutrated. my mind was blown by the immense drop of myr esults. and this. this score killed me. 19... and those words they say still run over my ehad.. "wow. i matched up to your standard" by donald... "Rishik, what happened. does mr michael have a grudge against you" mrs leslie. "you will get your a1" bryan cheang. "fuck you lah, A2 is good enough" by some 4E2 boys. and god. its NOT! its...hurting. my body feels horrible. how low i coudl drop. and its destroying me one by one. the fact that i dropped lower than i EVER had. the fact that jeremy, nicholas GN, marc and bryan ALL beat me, and got A1s... the fact that THIS WAS THE PRELIMS. MY LASR CHANCE TO GET TOP IN LEVEL FOR ENGLISH. and i fucked up so bad! my god... i dunno who will understand how i feel right now. Who......
tried to take my mind of it by going to great world with jeremy to do add maths. it helped abit. not much. my eyes were getting red. jeremy coudl tell i wasnt feeling right. and i wasnt. i was gone. more than ever. and it just kept rolling over and over in my head. the facts. the scores. the results. the words. The fact that mrs leslie would praise me and use me as an example in 3E4. The fact that mrs err the HOD of english had apparently been praising me and talking about me, just me, in 4E2 and how my essays were truly applaudable. and then soemthing like this comes and slaps you hard in the face. and everything just collapses. when i got home i couldnt take it anymore. couldnt hold it in much longer. went to my room. looked at my mirror. and at the split secodn my eyes saw that face. of that child who had lost everything he stood for. i broke down. and onvce again i felt like shit more than eevr.
and i still feel like shit. for a different reason. for being such a fucking hypocrite and reducing myself to everything i was against. for lecturing jasvir about how fucked marks and results are. how little they mean to us. how a judge of a person's worth and character is not the number of marks he has, or booksmarts. how sad and pathetic a person truly is, if his only goal in life is to beat others in school subjects. how everytime i tell people the grades means nothing. and to move on in life. how i tell them not to worry. how i tell them its okay, and its not important. and to look at thebigger picture. and here i am. going against every single fucked up thing i have preached.
i have been reduced to a kiasu singaporean. and this is whatis making me feel even more like shit. First the english results. and then the fact that i was affected by the english results is making me feel stupid. and either eway... i dunno anymore. i wanna die. i wanna cry. but i already am doing that. and its not helping.
"what if" by plain white tees. i want to give to community. i want to donate blood. i want to give free tuition. i want to help out. i have this growing stirring in me to do that. i REALLY want to. yeah.
got second in level fer chem. good ol marc got first. now HE is someone who has chemistry not just with 'Chemistry' but with nearly every subject. haha. sigh. he deserves it. he's a REAL nice friend. dont know what ill do without him. sigh. haha. sigh.
i felt confused as it was last night. today's english results made it fuck-load worse. and i now.. all i want to know is this. WHO AM I... WHO AM I.....
tamil B orals was fucked today. people were talking in class, and i had trouble reading. and i took one whole period. sigh.
ben mao wanst to start a band. haha. said he was thinking of me and alfred. if i learnt he bass i might just join. but he needs a drummer. and i doubt brandon and mao are the best of friends. sigh. whateevr the case im bring my guitar tomorrow. yeap. michelle asked me to join her church ministry of music thingamajingy. dont mind joign that too, if i can. haha. thingamajingy. im learnign funny words from jeremy wong after sitting behind him for prelims. haha. oh wells.
feeling better now thanks mainly to marc. sigh. Who am i......
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
You will never take this away from me
Never. No one ever will . that bit of me which call me. that individuality. that crappy me-ness in this life. cause thats all we can hold on to. you cant hold onto someone else. theyw il change. you cant place your hopes and dreams in a soccer team. its stupid. you cant even have faith in home or in places of worship. cause things change. no matter how hard it is to accept. you just cant have trust in anyone. but yourself. cause no matter how much the world changes, you will always be who youa re. you will always be within you. and no one can take it away from you. and no one will. its the last key of security all of us have.
listening to take it away by the used. haha. they rock. screamo. sigh. doesnt get any better, than raw emotion coupled with strong melodic shapes. of course when it comes to lyrics you cant beat dashboard confessional. he is the master. haha. sigh. i dotn know why i am typing about all this. maybe its just to divert my attention from the real shit at hand. the reason why i havent been posting for the past few days. the prelims. and the worst card it coudl ever draw on me. The add maths papers. sigh.
IT WAS THE WORST. oh my god. even if by your grace i get all my marks for my attempted questions, i still fail. cause i was just too stupid. just too unprepared. just too slow. sigh. dam add maths. tuesday after add maths i went with to macs with selvam to study tamil. it was real good. a crahs course onto the foundation of tamil. hope i score today. sigh. monday after school i went with arthur and jeremy to MP library tos tudy. think i already mentioned that i think. sigh. i dunno.
haha. sigh. bio was not oo bad today. mcq of course. josh was talking about full marks. puts em to shame. sigh. went to BK with kyle, eng tai and shane fer lunch before our CLB paper. then josh, kyle, alex and myself broke into the ava room. ahha. it was cool. and tehn we explored the old un used dressing rooms behinf the hall and josh pulled the fire extinguisher trigger. haha. and kyle and josh were playing carom while me and alex were on the piano. haha. we were talking, and scheming and dreaming about after the Os. our big plans and ideas for brekaing into school and sleeping on the school roof and sigh. woudl just be soo perfectly cool. sigh. tamil B paper went well i think. thanks selv.
went home straight after today. dad was picking me up. would had rather gone out with jeremy and co. of course. bleah. just that dad was feeling intererish today.
hahas. sigh. i guess i havent exactly been studying alot. wont be surprised if i get dismal results. i mean i was playing piano alot. and going skating. and solving mensa word puzzles. sigh. stupid stupid stupid. oh well. i am NOT goign to regret. cause this is life. its my life. and i chose it this way. so yes. ahha. no regrettingt for this 16 year old. sigh.
teh anticipiation is killing me. tomorrow is class photo taking day. its so stupid that the sec 4s dotn have teh old class photo thingy. and that we have to make our own. dam school.
im sick. bad cold. sneezing alot. crappy. sigh. i want to watch lords of dog town. and the corpse bride. but some how everyone else wants to watch the grimm brothers. boo hoo. im not watching. so there. haha. se how i guess. not reall interested, ill give you that. sigh. thinking of donating blood. will ask around. so maybe a bunch of friends can go togetehr. ahha. yeah. just donate blood. haha. how fun. im serious about this too, by the way.
not in the writing mood. sick. crappy. so im sorry if i sound uninterested. or fucked up. or full of attitude. but yeah. im sorry. seriously. im losing touch with soemthing. i dunno what. maybe its my mind. i dunno. not in the rgiht frame of mind at all. sigh. so here is the solution. next time i cant reply properly. i wont reply at all. makes the most sense. sigh. feeling like shit now. coudlnt even go out today after my tamil. so...sudden. and surreal. sigh.
byes.
listening to take it away by the used. haha. they rock. screamo. sigh. doesnt get any better, than raw emotion coupled with strong melodic shapes. of course when it comes to lyrics you cant beat dashboard confessional. he is the master. haha. sigh. i dotn know why i am typing about all this. maybe its just to divert my attention from the real shit at hand. the reason why i havent been posting for the past few days. the prelims. and the worst card it coudl ever draw on me. The add maths papers. sigh.
IT WAS THE WORST. oh my god. even if by your grace i get all my marks for my attempted questions, i still fail. cause i was just too stupid. just too unprepared. just too slow. sigh. dam add maths. tuesday after add maths i went with to macs with selvam to study tamil. it was real good. a crahs course onto the foundation of tamil. hope i score today. sigh. monday after school i went with arthur and jeremy to MP library tos tudy. think i already mentioned that i think. sigh. i dunno.
haha. sigh. bio was not oo bad today. mcq of course. josh was talking about full marks. puts em to shame. sigh. went to BK with kyle, eng tai and shane fer lunch before our CLB paper. then josh, kyle, alex and myself broke into the ava room. ahha. it was cool. and tehn we explored the old un used dressing rooms behinf the hall and josh pulled the fire extinguisher trigger. haha. and kyle and josh were playing carom while me and alex were on the piano. haha. we were talking, and scheming and dreaming about after the Os. our big plans and ideas for brekaing into school and sleeping on the school roof and sigh. woudl just be soo perfectly cool. sigh. tamil B paper went well i think. thanks selv.
went home straight after today. dad was picking me up. would had rather gone out with jeremy and co. of course. bleah. just that dad was feeling intererish today.
hahas. sigh. i guess i havent exactly been studying alot. wont be surprised if i get dismal results. i mean i was playing piano alot. and going skating. and solving mensa word puzzles. sigh. stupid stupid stupid. oh well. i am NOT goign to regret. cause this is life. its my life. and i chose it this way. so yes. ahha. no regrettingt for this 16 year old. sigh.
teh anticipiation is killing me. tomorrow is class photo taking day. its so stupid that the sec 4s dotn have teh old class photo thingy. and that we have to make our own. dam school.
im sick. bad cold. sneezing alot. crappy. sigh. i want to watch lords of dog town. and the corpse bride. but some how everyone else wants to watch the grimm brothers. boo hoo. im not watching. so there. haha. se how i guess. not reall interested, ill give you that. sigh. thinking of donating blood. will ask around. so maybe a bunch of friends can go togetehr. ahha. yeah. just donate blood. haha. how fun. im serious about this too, by the way.
not in the writing mood. sick. crappy. so im sorry if i sound uninterested. or fucked up. or full of attitude. but yeah. im sorry. seriously. im losing touch with soemthing. i dunno what. maybe its my mind. i dunno. not in the rgiht frame of mind at all. sigh. so here is the solution. next time i cant reply properly. i wont reply at all. makes the most sense. sigh. feeling like shit now. coudlnt even go out today after my tamil. so...sudden. and surreal. sigh.
byes.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
come on sweet catastrophe
hmmm. was actually planning to save this title for the first day of the Os. but hell cares if i re-use. haha. and this is it. the fist day of teh last week of the prelims. the final week. its gonna be sweet. its gonna be fast. its gonna be adrenaline all the way. and releif. haha. yeah. sweet sweet releif as i punch my hand in the air and jump up in victory at the end of the prelims. haha. sigh. you realise how weird this is. considering the prelims is far from the 'end'. and here i am far from the pseudo-end ven imagining it. haha. i think faar ahead. sigh. haha.
morning woke up. one hour later it was time for lunch. haha. made my way to tm starbucks to meet selvam, my cousin and team mate. haha. studied chem. talked alot. about stuff. haha. then this guy from starbucks tried to chase us out. and i argued. and this guy sitting next to us who was wearing cool clothes and also studying chem told us to ignore him. ahha. and we did. and it was fun. think he was from JC 2. he was cool. haha. debating rocks. so does chem.
went to hang ten and S & K where i saw these really cool colours and t shirts, and sembawang. and we talked. and went home. ahha. yeap. talked abotu alot of intresting stuff. like how weirdos can get our numbers and we dont know who they are. haha. like that 'friendship' message i got last night. and it woudl have been WAAY too rude to ask 'who are you' after sucha nice message. haha.
now ill eitherbuy the yellow card CD or relient K's 'mmhmm". or two t shirts from S & K. haha. S & K has good clothes. i realise.
wednesday selvam is gonna giveme intensive tamil tuition. haha. yay! haha. how cool. sigh. tamil movies are sad. "kaadal konden(I loved)" and "12 B" are two of saddest movies i know. the fat ugly guys which indian aunties like always get the girl and the nice quiet un-obese guys aaalways die. sigh. haha. but none of these movies can beat Boys! haha. now that movie rocked. but come to think... the nice quiet un-obese guy died in that movie too. haha. just goes to prove a point.
this is my to do list for the holidays
Donate Blood
Get a boook published
Finish my script
Get my poems and songs recorded
Do 48 hours worth community service out of singapore
Affirm all my friends
learn to do more than grind on my blades
start playing the bass
get gold bars and digi cameras for offcial reasons.
have fun
have lunch
redo my room
watch movies
dont forget my friends
Volunteer in NAC/try and get into a theatre company
haha. yay. siggh. was lying flat on my roof last night staring at the moon. it was sooo... "oh my god". there were no stars. moon was on her own last night. and tehre was this like ring around it. and giant auro or glow of light circled the moon. a reaaaly big glow. so big you coulnt look at the whole circle as a whole. wow. it was sweet.
i get awe-inspired easily i notice. like on my way back from tampinese, i was sitting at the bus interchange. staring at pigeons. at it was soo. wow. look at them fly. so small and so disregarded by humans. treated almost like vermin, and hated for being deisease-carrying. yet look at them. look at what they can do, which we never will. humbling.
yesterday i was singing "moonlight bay" "pearly shells" and "silveyr moon" over the phone on the street as i was making my way to TM. haha. these kinda calls are just soo random. and just goes to show what people associate you with. in this case: campfire songs. sigh. sadness. well whatever the case glad that i could have helped. heh.
hmmm. "be like that' by three doors down is cool. apparently it was from the movie american pie 2. which makes me want to watch the movie now. ahha. yeap.
haha. was just thinkong of my mom when she called. like NOW. haha. wow. serendipity indeed. anyway she's in malaysia. haha. dad told me last night. ahha.
and now i gtg. haha. feel like... goign for a walk. i would have gone for the walk last night, if not for the mexican. ahha. oh well. sorry bro.
see ya. sigh. friends are NOT people who see you eevry day. no. they arnt people who message you 24/7. they dont even have to message you once a day. they arnt those who call you and talk to you for hours. they are simply those who think of you. and make you feel welcome. and are there for you. or would want to be there for you. thats what friends are. i think. i dunno yet. so many things im confused about. ahha. but whatever i guess. i have my whole life ahead of me to find out.
morning woke up. one hour later it was time for lunch. haha. made my way to tm starbucks to meet selvam, my cousin and team mate. haha. studied chem. talked alot. about stuff. haha. then this guy from starbucks tried to chase us out. and i argued. and this guy sitting next to us who was wearing cool clothes and also studying chem told us to ignore him. ahha. and we did. and it was fun. think he was from JC 2. he was cool. haha. debating rocks. so does chem.
went to hang ten and S & K where i saw these really cool colours and t shirts, and sembawang. and we talked. and went home. ahha. yeap. talked abotu alot of intresting stuff. like how weirdos can get our numbers and we dont know who they are. haha. like that 'friendship' message i got last night. and it woudl have been WAAY too rude to ask 'who are you' after sucha nice message. haha.
now ill eitherbuy the yellow card CD or relient K's 'mmhmm". or two t shirts from S & K. haha. S & K has good clothes. i realise.
wednesday selvam is gonna giveme intensive tamil tuition. haha. yay! haha. how cool. sigh. tamil movies are sad. "kaadal konden(I loved)" and "12 B" are two of saddest movies i know. the fat ugly guys which indian aunties like always get the girl and the nice quiet un-obese guys aaalways die. sigh. haha. but none of these movies can beat Boys! haha. now that movie rocked. but come to think... the nice quiet un-obese guy died in that movie too. haha. just goes to prove a point.
this is my to do list for the holidays
Donate Blood
Get a boook published
Finish my script
Get my poems and songs recorded
Do 48 hours worth community service out of singapore
Affirm all my friends
learn to do more than grind on my blades
start playing the bass
get gold bars and digi cameras for offcial reasons.
have fun
have lunch
redo my room
watch movies
dont forget my friends
Volunteer in NAC/try and get into a theatre company
haha. yay. siggh. was lying flat on my roof last night staring at the moon. it was sooo... "oh my god". there were no stars. moon was on her own last night. and tehre was this like ring around it. and giant auro or glow of light circled the moon. a reaaaly big glow. so big you coulnt look at the whole circle as a whole. wow. it was sweet.
i get awe-inspired easily i notice. like on my way back from tampinese, i was sitting at the bus interchange. staring at pigeons. at it was soo. wow. look at them fly. so small and so disregarded by humans. treated almost like vermin, and hated for being deisease-carrying. yet look at them. look at what they can do, which we never will. humbling.
yesterday i was singing "moonlight bay" "pearly shells" and "silveyr moon" over the phone on the street as i was making my way to TM. haha. these kinda calls are just soo random. and just goes to show what people associate you with. in this case: campfire songs. sigh. sadness. well whatever the case glad that i could have helped. heh.
hmmm. "be like that' by three doors down is cool. apparently it was from the movie american pie 2. which makes me want to watch the movie now. ahha. yeap.
haha. was just thinkong of my mom when she called. like NOW. haha. wow. serendipity indeed. anyway she's in malaysia. haha. dad told me last night. ahha.
and now i gtg. haha. feel like... goign for a walk. i would have gone for the walk last night, if not for the mexican. ahha. oh well. sorry bro.
see ya. sigh. friends are NOT people who see you eevry day. no. they arnt people who message you 24/7. they dont even have to message you once a day. they arnt those who call you and talk to you for hours. they are simply those who think of you. and make you feel welcome. and are there for you. or would want to be there for you. thats what friends are. i think. i dunno yet. so many things im confused about. ahha. but whatever i guess. i have my whole life ahead of me to find out.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
call me a sucker for romance.
or rishik. yeah actually rishik would do just fine. haha. but still... you get what i mean. hmmm,
The mexican is showing tonight! OMG! i swear. if 50 fist dates is the greatest mush movie of all time, this is definitely the coolest romance movie. it is sooo. wow! i swear the first time i watched it i was so high. and its showing tonight! 10 thirty. wtach it. it rocks. the story line. the acting. everything is soo perfectly imperfect. so beautifully sweet and yet intricutely flawed. and it just makes you want to sigh. a "wow" take-my-breathe-away, awe inspired sigh. and smile in your sleep. thinking. and dreaming. yeap. thats the mexican. haha.
the moon is full tonight. haha. wish my wishes come true. haha. if that made sense. well it makes more sense than being a realistic/dramatist. haha. yeahs. sigh. i missed the moon. i miss the moon lady. and the smiles she brought me at that time between night and morning. when the world has screwed up yet sweet. when time was no where and life was beautiful just the way it was. sighs. haha. i feel so dreamy these days. soo looking forwardish towards the holidays. thats all i can think of right now. the hols. this is even though my prelims continue the week ahead.
sigh. went to starbucks TM to meet jas, de wei and nadia. then went to white sands to meet selvam.haha. and selvam's grandma called me! haha. how funny is that. hahah! sigh. nadia left for tuition with matthew and now im thinking about scouts. sigh. anyway after that i went for my OWN tuition! yay! haha. it was kinda cool. i did one add maths paper. and tehre were these two chinese boys and one chinese girl. and they were all. quiet like. haha. oh well. i guss thats just how tuition is. i dotn know. ive never really had tuition before.
made pasta for dinner. haha! yeay. pork, mozarella, muchroom, capsicumn, onion, garlic, celery and some random spices. yay. sweet sweet pasta. the easiest dinner in the world. haha. its true.
tomorrow i plan on meeting selvam and maybe de wei again. my mom went somewhere. i dont know where. thinking either malaysia or thailand or india or... you know what. i swear i have no idea. haha.
CJC. suddenly seems so great and promising. yeap. thats where i want to be. CJC. haha. yay.
i wanted to blog and write about love. but i decided to write a poem instead. and it ended up like a monologue. but then i remembered poetry slam. hah. and hey you know what. this IS poetry. so cool. haha. i like my coffe iced and preferably blended. yay. now i sigh off.
to watch the sweetness which is The Mexican. yay. good night. maka wishapon the moon. cuase dreams do come true. hmmm. michael da silva was right. the moon will come on the 17th,. haha. its a joke they have. the sec threes. that i am a wearwolf. haha. thus the hairy/shagginess. and the obsession with the moon in the early morning. haha. ryan po should know. so they remind me of the full moon dates. oh, and alot of teachers are vampires and wearwolves too. ahha. im in good company.
well im off. for real this time. yay. i feel happy, and giddy, yet conflicted and ironically sad and pessimistic. thats just what i am. constant self confliction. the battle between the romantic poet and pessimitic venture. the need for 'no nonsense' and the incredible effeciency and clear strong minded leadership, against the need for arts and humanities. sigh. this reminds of what i was talking to jasvir about the other day. i need to write that out somewhere.
and for REAL this time. BYE.
The mexican is showing tonight! OMG! i swear. if 50 fist dates is the greatest mush movie of all time, this is definitely the coolest romance movie. it is sooo. wow! i swear the first time i watched it i was so high. and its showing tonight! 10 thirty. wtach it. it rocks. the story line. the acting. everything is soo perfectly imperfect. so beautifully sweet and yet intricutely flawed. and it just makes you want to sigh. a "wow" take-my-breathe-away, awe inspired sigh. and smile in your sleep. thinking. and dreaming. yeap. thats the mexican. haha.
the moon is full tonight. haha. wish my wishes come true. haha. if that made sense. well it makes more sense than being a realistic/dramatist. haha. yeahs. sigh. i missed the moon. i miss the moon lady. and the smiles she brought me at that time between night and morning. when the world has screwed up yet sweet. when time was no where and life was beautiful just the way it was. sighs. haha. i feel so dreamy these days. soo looking forwardish towards the holidays. thats all i can think of right now. the hols. this is even though my prelims continue the week ahead.
sigh. went to starbucks TM to meet jas, de wei and nadia. then went to white sands to meet selvam.haha. and selvam's grandma called me! haha. how funny is that. hahah! sigh. nadia left for tuition with matthew and now im thinking about scouts. sigh. anyway after that i went for my OWN tuition! yay! haha. it was kinda cool. i did one add maths paper. and tehre were these two chinese boys and one chinese girl. and they were all. quiet like. haha. oh well. i guss thats just how tuition is. i dotn know. ive never really had tuition before.
made pasta for dinner. haha! yeay. pork, mozarella, muchroom, capsicumn, onion, garlic, celery and some random spices. yay. sweet sweet pasta. the easiest dinner in the world. haha. its true.
tomorrow i plan on meeting selvam and maybe de wei again. my mom went somewhere. i dont know where. thinking either malaysia or thailand or india or... you know what. i swear i have no idea. haha.
CJC. suddenly seems so great and promising. yeap. thats where i want to be. CJC. haha. yay.
i wanted to blog and write about love. but i decided to write a poem instead. and it ended up like a monologue. but then i remembered poetry slam. hah. and hey you know what. this IS poetry. so cool. haha. i like my coffe iced and preferably blended. yay. now i sigh off.
to watch the sweetness which is The Mexican. yay. good night. maka wishapon the moon. cuase dreams do come true. hmmm. michael da silva was right. the moon will come on the 17th,. haha. its a joke they have. the sec threes. that i am a wearwolf. haha. thus the hairy/shagginess. and the obsession with the moon in the early morning. haha. ryan po should know. so they remind me of the full moon dates. oh, and alot of teachers are vampires and wearwolves too. ahha. im in good company.
well im off. for real this time. yay. i feel happy, and giddy, yet conflicted and ironically sad and pessimistic. thats just what i am. constant self confliction. the battle between the romantic poet and pessimitic venture. the need for 'no nonsense' and the incredible effeciency and clear strong minded leadership, against the need for arts and humanities. sigh. this reminds of what i was talking to jasvir about the other day. i need to write that out somewhere.
and for REAL this time. BYE.
Friday, September 16, 2005
THIS is marty Casey!
haha. mr brightside, by marty casey rocks. sighs. thats one thing about allt hese talent shows. when they sing better than the original. Wow. so filled with emotion. i swear. its dam cool. haha. just the same reason why i loved bo bice's 'i dont want to be' more than dear old gavin's. and YES, i did hear the original first of course. contrary to what some people might think or ask. pffft.
sigh. if i do change me blogspot... to a different url... or theme even. im thinking of the word 'causerie'. its really appealing. totally fits what bloggign even means or stands for. conversational, informal writing. yeaps. or at least for singaporean youth blogs i know of. haha. yeah. heh.
Bio was sooOo fucked up today. god. it was so totally shitty. i swear. i will fall on my knees if i can get A2. hmmmm. my target L1R5 gets higher and higher everyday. haha. realism setting in. wow. this is one cold bite that has its heart set on waking m up. and im more than half awake now. maths was great though. hmmm.
yesterday was fun. the First time ever i actually celebrated Onam properly. Yeah! haha. it was soo cool. my dad booked a restaurant, in this amazingly awe-inspiring shop in serangoon shop. 24-course vegetarian onam dinner. haha. it was soo amazing. i had never seen so many vegetarian dishes in my life, and i had NO idea what to expect. so every bit was a random shot to my taste buds. it was SO FLAVOURFUL! sweet, sour, bitter, spicy, strange and totally new to me. it ws amazingly packed with taste and texture. wow. it was a great meal. definitely. my sister didnt like it though. haha. said it wasnt spicy enough. which makes me think, "hey, maybe thats why i loved it". haha. wow. My dad found out about the phone bill...
Okay so the last time we checked, the phonebill was with kartika'kka and it was more than 200 but since she hid it daddy never found out, but he was growing suspisious. anyways he called found out and haha confronted me. "why did your bill shoot up last month?" "uhmm.. i went out quite often i guess, so yeah..." (Still glaring at me) " Next month if your bill goes over 50 your line gets cut". Silence. sigh. it for the best i guess. dont really need a phone anyway. i mean hey. i have lived without phones before. i can do it again. yeaa. haha. and i mean whatever. phones arnt anything to me. not anymore i guess. haha.
im rich! haha. not really. but richer. bro gave me two hundred bucks. one hurdred fifty for me birthday and fifty for onam. wow. haha. saving it of course. duh. iPod nano, my ass.
Song of the week is "The quiet things no one ever knows" by Brand new. rock on.
Down by something corporate is painting images in my mind. and now i am thinking of that old tv show. Popular! OMG! i remember it... it was like 11 somethign on tuesday nights.. and the words were like in pink... and it was.. P.O.P.U.L.A.R. hahah. i remember crappy details. but yeah. haha. sigh. what happened to it...
anyway ill best be off. need to study chem. not that i need to. haha. or do i. doesnt take alot to ask people questions, and act like you know them (in refernece to today's lunch with mao, ow, alfred, mchael joo and dominic). haha. full of crap. no idea why i have lunch with them. sighs. tomorrow i have my first tuition lesson. yay! haha. im so happy.. haha.
la dee dum. gone before you even knew i was here.
sigh. if i do change me blogspot... to a different url... or theme even. im thinking of the word 'causerie'. its really appealing. totally fits what bloggign even means or stands for. conversational, informal writing. yeaps. or at least for singaporean youth blogs i know of. haha. yeah. heh.
Bio was sooOo fucked up today. god. it was so totally shitty. i swear. i will fall on my knees if i can get A2. hmmmm. my target L1R5 gets higher and higher everyday. haha. realism setting in. wow. this is one cold bite that has its heart set on waking m up. and im more than half awake now. maths was great though. hmmm.
yesterday was fun. the First time ever i actually celebrated Onam properly. Yeah! haha. it was soo cool. my dad booked a restaurant, in this amazingly awe-inspiring shop in serangoon shop. 24-course vegetarian onam dinner. haha. it was soo amazing. i had never seen so many vegetarian dishes in my life, and i had NO idea what to expect. so every bit was a random shot to my taste buds. it was SO FLAVOURFUL! sweet, sour, bitter, spicy, strange and totally new to me. it ws amazingly packed with taste and texture. wow. it was a great meal. definitely. my sister didnt like it though. haha. said it wasnt spicy enough. which makes me think, "hey, maybe thats why i loved it". haha. wow. My dad found out about the phone bill...
Okay so the last time we checked, the phonebill was with kartika'kka and it was more than 200 but since she hid it daddy never found out, but he was growing suspisious. anyways he called found out and haha confronted me. "why did your bill shoot up last month?" "uhmm.. i went out quite often i guess, so yeah..." (Still glaring at me) " Next month if your bill goes over 50 your line gets cut". Silence. sigh. it for the best i guess. dont really need a phone anyway. i mean hey. i have lived without phones before. i can do it again. yeaa. haha. and i mean whatever. phones arnt anything to me. not anymore i guess. haha.
im rich! haha. not really. but richer. bro gave me two hundred bucks. one hurdred fifty for me birthday and fifty for onam. wow. haha. saving it of course. duh. iPod nano, my ass.
Song of the week is "The quiet things no one ever knows" by Brand new. rock on.
Down by something corporate is painting images in my mind. and now i am thinking of that old tv show. Popular! OMG! i remember it... it was like 11 somethign on tuesday nights.. and the words were like in pink... and it was.. P.O.P.U.L.A.R. hahah. i remember crappy details. but yeah. haha. sigh. what happened to it...
anyway ill best be off. need to study chem. not that i need to. haha. or do i. doesnt take alot to ask people questions, and act like you know them (in refernece to today's lunch with mao, ow, alfred, mchael joo and dominic). haha. full of crap. no idea why i have lunch with them. sighs. tomorrow i have my first tuition lesson. yay! haha. im so happy.. haha.
la dee dum. gone before you even knew i was here.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
uh huh to be continued...
You need love.
You are a pretty normal, well-rounded person
that just craves that fairy tale love where you
will be swept off your feet and live happily
ever after. Chances are that you fantasize or
dream about it so much that you either see all
the guys/girls as unromantic or you tell
yourself that anyone could be your soulmate.
You long to have someone by your side and you
want to give back on the romance part too, not
just give.
What Do You Need in Your Life? [dark pics]
brought to you by
its strange in life. how you can go from feeling secure and safe and loved and all that shit. to unwanted almost. within a span of a few hours. but its my own problem anyway. like kyle says. little do we realise how little others think of us. haha. so true. yeaps. ill just have to start accepting that. that people are more straighforward than you think. "stop trying to psycho analyse. stop all that for awhile. just accept" so goes the wisdom of bryan C. and he's right. they all are. stop trying to read hints or get wdepressed something which no one sees. cause life is more than that. its about... the moment. and im still waiting. and beeliving. and dreaming. that that moment will still come.
jonny rzeznik, Im still here. sweet song, for moods like this. hmmms. im not gonna publish this post tongiht. cause its crappy. and yeah. it has to be balanced out by somthing nice tomorrow. yeaps. ill be back.
hello. its thursday. e maths paper one. uno. oh my. sigh. i lost 7 marks totally. as in not even attempted. no chance of even marks for working. Zit. so being the optimist i am im estimating ill score 73/80 for this paper. hahaha. yeaps. suigh. if i can get an l1r5 of less than 10 for the prelims, it will so be worth treating all those guys at the bus stop the macs i promised them. ahha. sigh. so dreamy. so loud. so crappy.
yesterday went toa payoh to study with de wei and jas. selvam had tamil tuition. loser. hahha. but i heard his chem went well. which makes me happy. i hope he gets his a2. at least. yeaa. sigh. its possible. yesetrday was also michelle and nadia's malay prelims. and i still dont see the need for prelims for them as the first three months next year they will be going to... KC. haha. so yeah. whatever. wish them luck. met raja and keagan at toa payoh. and ben mao too. haha. cool. after late lunch i went to tampinese to study bio. couldnt absorb anything. was feeling soo sleepy. met dora at tampinese mrt. she had hockey training. sigh. went home and slept without having dinner. was soo sleepy. this morning. III haha. woke up at 5.15. thanks to me alarm clock. so i opened the door, swithced off the air con, switched on the lights and the radio and lied on my back for... 45 minutes. hahaha. shit. fell asleep. idiot. and seeing as how i didnt iron my uniform the last night, i was really pressed for time. didnt have breakfast. crappy. took cab to school with kyle. yay.
i think later ill be meeting ben ow and michael joo to study bio. sigh. my dad is right in a way. i never study with the same group of friends more than twice. haha. kay maybe thats an exaggeration. but its kidna true. im waaay too random, when it comes to going out. sigh.
and i want to go fishing. after the exams. and watch the corpse bride. and eat swensons. and go coffee bean. and play pool. and talk. just chat away. about nothing in particular. and eat chips. and play the guitar. with a bunch of friends. at the beach. maybe play truth or dare. or confession poker. while someone tends the fire. cooking the marshmallows. and maybe we start making toasts to each other. and.. and... we sleep over at someones house. and i dunno. just chill. and live life. cause its just too short not to.
hmmm apparently ben ow cant make it today. sigh. gonna call jas and selvam now. ahha.
byes.
Happy 150th post
This morning as i woke up and walked to the interchange. it felt great. the fresh air. the darkness. the lack of sun. the quiet. the serenity. the buzz of the morning birds and cicadas. that feeling in your arms and legs which running purely off adrenaline because you have not had breakfast yet, and your body is kinda still asleep. the splash of water still damp on your face and hair from the morning shower.that smell of grass. that energy of it all. that energy from nothingness. from the lack of crowds and the lack of human noise. it was sweet. it was amazing. and the way when i walked and i could feel the blood pumping in my legs i just picked up the pace. and soon i felt like jogging. school uniform bag and all. and i didnt want to stop. cause the morning had got to me. the early morning before the sun rised. that was it. that was just pure magic for me today. and i loved it sooo much. it was what i used to love about cycling to school in primary school the emptiness of the world as i wake up and go off to school. but then my bike got stolen so thats another story. ahha.
haha. i have two really bad habits when it comes to blogspot. first one. signing in my username as -rishik... and ythe other is typing my password in my username box. haha. i never learn. it always happens. sigh. loser.
speaking of being a loser. today on my way home i took the shortcut as usual. then i saw this really cute brown cat there then was staring at me and purring away protectively of the area. so i just smiled and started purring at it to. ahha. it was then i noticed the chinese family walk bya nd give me that weird bemused look. haha. so i just looked to the floor, kept a straight face and walked away as fast as possible. ahha. LOSER. sigh. but whatever i guess. i mean dotn regret anything. what does it matter what people think. it was a cute cat i mean. haha. sighs.
why study? when we know we are gonna screw up anyway. whats the point getting all stressed up for. "Might as well try your best" was the reply. haha. i was about to concede when he said "but then again.. maybe your right. lets watch a movie tomorrow". ahha. sigh. coolness of my friends. History was today. it was screwed. so instead of talking about how i screwed up my paper which i already did (and that made my friends laugh out really loud)...i shall... talk about...the irony of the phrase "i had history today". haha. like history... today... past..present... WOAH! like my mind is getting boggled at the complexity of it all. haha. like this shit is waay too deep for me. haha. like yeah. whatever....
I am going to use more italics and bold in my blog. its more eye catching. And easier to read. definitely. anyways im eating hotcakes and iced milo with sausage now. and im goign out soon. either to ben ow's condo or jas and de wei and selvam.
yeaps. im shagged. slept kinda early yesterday yet kinda late. but hey. this is life. this is what i live. and this is what i do. and i just wish i could do more of it with you. sigh. but hey. absensce makes the heart fonder i guess. so see ya.
haha. i have two really bad habits when it comes to blogspot. first one. signing in my username as -rishik... and ythe other is typing my password in my username box. haha. i never learn. it always happens. sigh. loser.
speaking of being a loser. today on my way home i took the shortcut as usual. then i saw this really cute brown cat there then was staring at me and purring away protectively of the area. so i just smiled and started purring at it to. ahha. it was then i noticed the chinese family walk bya nd give me that weird bemused look. haha. so i just looked to the floor, kept a straight face and walked away as fast as possible. ahha. LOSER. sigh. but whatever i guess. i mean dotn regret anything. what does it matter what people think. it was a cute cat i mean. haha. sighs.
why study? when we know we are gonna screw up anyway. whats the point getting all stressed up for. "Might as well try your best" was the reply. haha. i was about to concede when he said "but then again.. maybe your right. lets watch a movie tomorrow". ahha. sigh. coolness of my friends. History was today. it was screwed. so instead of talking about how i screwed up my paper which i already did (and that made my friends laugh out really loud)...i shall... talk about...the irony of the phrase "i had history today". haha. like history... today... past..present... WOAH! like my mind is getting boggled at the complexity of it all. haha. like this shit is waay too deep for me. haha. like yeah. whatever....
I am going to use more italics and bold in my blog. its more eye catching. And easier to read. definitely. anyways im eating hotcakes and iced milo with sausage now. and im goign out soon. either to ben ow's condo or jas and de wei and selvam.
yeaps. im shagged. slept kinda early yesterday yet kinda late. but hey. this is life. this is what i live. and this is what i do. and i just wish i could do more of it with you. sigh. but hey. absensce makes the heart fonder i guess. so see ya.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Words to live by
Relient K, Be my escape "I know to live you have got to give your life away"
The spill canvas, The tide "Heaven is not a place that you go when you die, its that moment in life when you finally feel alive"
Morning Prayer "I will continue, oh my lord, to do all my actions for the love of you"
The used, Taste of ink "so here i am, alive at last. and ill savour every moment of this"
Eminem, Sing for the moment "Sing with me now, just for today Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away"
Day at the fair, Eastern homes and western Hearts "This is for dreamin. This is believin. This is to picking up the peices when I'm gone. This is for drinkin. This is to livin.This is to packin' up my shit and movin on"
Mae, Giving it away "Help me to dream these dreams, cause i dont have a clue"
Lazlo bane, Superman "I cant do this all on my own, i Know, Im no superman"
Sigh. Talking to josh last night has made me... dreamy. wishful. not that i wasnt already. Just more wishful than ever. of a life. after Os. Where there are no worries. even if it lasts only for a while. sigh. history is tomorrow. haha. so i stayed home today. my horoscope says if i dont focus my whole day will be wasted. ahha. or something tot hat effect, and how true too. sigh. sighs.
this is the beauty of being a teenager. the way we have each other. the way no matter what, no matter how, no matter where or when, we always have each other. The way that when we are in our worsts, there are people to talk to. the way that we we feel high we can go rant of to our friends, and they can tolerate our insanity. cause they too were insane before. they too were depressed ebfore. because no matter what we all got throuh the same shit and we can help each other. and we should. and we do. because we know that we too will need help too. its a strange cycle, how advise you give someone will be returned to you, yet in a more meanigful way. this is our learning stage. this is the way we absorb and learn about life. from each other. with each other. even in more mundane ways like how one day others can be sending me songs, and the next ill be sending someone else songs. its still a sweet cycle of give and take. and its a great life. there is no sweeter age in the world than teenage. filled and bursting with emotions, i would never trade this for anything else. nothing. and now after reading nadia's blog and neeta's blog and ying ling's blog and Kyle's and drawing inspiration at the way they affirm eevryone. haha. i too shall now jump onto the bandwagon. and go on a thank you spree.
haha. first to my teachers.
mrs leslie. vicnan anna. kartik anna. Kubo. Thanks for everything. and for teaching me about life. and about embracing it. and for being there. you have all left an impact. thanks
To my brothers.
jeremy. Definitely one of the greatest friends i have ever had. one heckuva good mate.
Dharvin. 12 years dude! 12! Always been there. Always will.
Zenn. Thanks for putting my life into perspective. Thanks for putting LIFE into perspective. nicholas GN. for giving hope for my studies. and a chance to debate over poltics. theodore. For being a firend. as simple as that may be.
To Marc. for those talks. for those jokes. for showing me that everyone is human.
To jasvir. For making eldds what is it today. for being who you are.
To kyle. Not just for the car rides and for saving my life, haha, but for the dreams. For beleiving and having faith. and for being an inspiration to us all.
To Josh. for the laughter. for the fun. for the fienships.
To benow, ben mao, dominic and alfred. haha. for the guitar lessons (Mao), and for giving our class that sense of fun. that sense of zest, which it otherwise would seriously lack in.
To selvam. for those morning talks. haha.
De Wei. haha. for showing me the extent of a friend's concern. for showing me that friendships can stretch beyond schools.
To arthur. For showing me what it means to have initiative. to show me what it means to be a prefect.
to mike and kawai. for that first year in sec1. for making life fun.
To Jonny (bao). for the music. for the speeches. for mastering the art of the over statement.
To chris. For helping when we needed help. for being there. and for laughing.
Bryan Cheang. For opening my mind. and showing me that dreams do come true.
Shane. haha. for just being who you are. haha.
Ivan reddy. for being half-malayalee and half telugu! and also half malaysian and half singaporean! yeah! rock on! haha.
and those i left out. yeah i still thinkof you. you know who you are. sighs. haha.
To my sisters
Dora. for being who you are. for being sincere. and human. and for teaching me about life, friendships, music and dreams. for being there.
nadia. hey yoo! haha. what can i say? rock on!
ying ling. for being there. for smiling. in all your maudlin affection, you have left an impact in my life.
to mei wen. for being psychic. for being cheerful. for the handshakes.
michelle. for being my sister. for beleiving so strongly in a cause. for showing me whats true loyalty.
to geetha. for being crazy. for being egoistic. for being hyper. for liking good music.
stacey, nicole, meera, faddillah, charlene, les, ting kun, danny and all the SLC peeps (guys included). For showing me spirit. for showing me the continuity of friendships. for showing me what it means to support each other.
cheyenne. for the music. for the pics. for the randomness of it all.
freda. for having dreams. and for sharing.
and all the rest (sha, saranea, sheryll, sylvia, priya so on so forth). for being there. haha. yeah yeah.
and one more time for the 'gang'. haha.
de wei. nadia. dora. marky marc. jas. selvam. mei wen. paveena. kyle. michelle. benow. ben mao. alfred. yings. shankar.
For showing me that frienships CAN last beyond schools. beyond age gaps. beyond everything. and not just the MSN/blog kinda friendships. but deeper ones. where peeps and friends are there for you. and when we meet. it feels so good. that sense of security. that sense of belonging. that we all, no matter how different are still such great friends.. and im sure we will remain this way, in a long time to come.
love. rishik.
The spill canvas, The tide "Heaven is not a place that you go when you die, its that moment in life when you finally feel alive"
Morning Prayer "I will continue, oh my lord, to do all my actions for the love of you"
The used, Taste of ink "so here i am, alive at last. and ill savour every moment of this"
Eminem, Sing for the moment "Sing with me now, just for today Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away"
Day at the fair, Eastern homes and western Hearts "This is for dreamin. This is believin. This is to picking up the peices when I'm gone. This is for drinkin. This is to livin.This is to packin' up my shit and movin on"
Mae, Giving it away "Help me to dream these dreams, cause i dont have a clue"
Lazlo bane, Superman "I cant do this all on my own, i Know, Im no superman"
Sigh. Talking to josh last night has made me... dreamy. wishful. not that i wasnt already. Just more wishful than ever. of a life. after Os. Where there are no worries. even if it lasts only for a while. sigh. history is tomorrow. haha. so i stayed home today. my horoscope says if i dont focus my whole day will be wasted. ahha. or something tot hat effect, and how true too. sigh. sighs.
this is the beauty of being a teenager. the way we have each other. the way no matter what, no matter how, no matter where or when, we always have each other. The way that when we are in our worsts, there are people to talk to. the way that we we feel high we can go rant of to our friends, and they can tolerate our insanity. cause they too were insane before. they too were depressed ebfore. because no matter what we all got throuh the same shit and we can help each other. and we should. and we do. because we know that we too will need help too. its a strange cycle, how advise you give someone will be returned to you, yet in a more meanigful way. this is our learning stage. this is the way we absorb and learn about life. from each other. with each other. even in more mundane ways like how one day others can be sending me songs, and the next ill be sending someone else songs. its still a sweet cycle of give and take. and its a great life. there is no sweeter age in the world than teenage. filled and bursting with emotions, i would never trade this for anything else. nothing. and now after reading nadia's blog and neeta's blog and ying ling's blog and Kyle's and drawing inspiration at the way they affirm eevryone. haha. i too shall now jump onto the bandwagon. and go on a thank you spree.
haha. first to my teachers.
mrs leslie. vicnan anna. kartik anna. Kubo. Thanks for everything. and for teaching me about life. and about embracing it. and for being there. you have all left an impact. thanks
To my brothers.
jeremy. Definitely one of the greatest friends i have ever had. one heckuva good mate.
Dharvin. 12 years dude! 12! Always been there. Always will.
Zenn. Thanks for putting my life into perspective. Thanks for putting LIFE into perspective. nicholas GN. for giving hope for my studies. and a chance to debate over poltics. theodore. For being a firend. as simple as that may be.
To Marc. for those talks. for those jokes. for showing me that everyone is human.
To jasvir. For making eldds what is it today. for being who you are.
To kyle. Not just for the car rides and for saving my life, haha, but for the dreams. For beleiving and having faith. and for being an inspiration to us all.
To Josh. for the laughter. for the fun. for the fienships.
To benow, ben mao, dominic and alfred. haha. for the guitar lessons (Mao), and for giving our class that sense of fun. that sense of zest, which it otherwise would seriously lack in.
To selvam. for those morning talks. haha.
De Wei. haha. for showing me the extent of a friend's concern. for showing me that friendships can stretch beyond schools.
To arthur. For showing me what it means to have initiative. to show me what it means to be a prefect.
to mike and kawai. for that first year in sec1. for making life fun.
To Jonny (bao). for the music. for the speeches. for mastering the art of the over statement.
To chris. For helping when we needed help. for being there. and for laughing.
Bryan Cheang. For opening my mind. and showing me that dreams do come true.
Shane. haha. for just being who you are. haha.
Ivan reddy. for being half-malayalee and half telugu! and also half malaysian and half singaporean! yeah! rock on! haha.
and those i left out. yeah i still thinkof you. you know who you are. sighs. haha.
To my sisters
Dora. for being who you are. for being sincere. and human. and for teaching me about life, friendships, music and dreams. for being there.
nadia. hey yoo! haha. what can i say? rock on!
ying ling. for being there. for smiling. in all your maudlin affection, you have left an impact in my life.
to mei wen. for being psychic. for being cheerful. for the handshakes.
michelle. for being my sister. for beleiving so strongly in a cause. for showing me whats true loyalty.
to geetha. for being crazy. for being egoistic. for being hyper. for liking good music.
stacey, nicole, meera, faddillah, charlene, les, ting kun, danny and all the SLC peeps (guys included). For showing me spirit. for showing me the continuity of friendships. for showing me what it means to support each other.
cheyenne. for the music. for the pics. for the randomness of it all.
freda. for having dreams. and for sharing.
and all the rest (sha, saranea, sheryll, sylvia, priya so on so forth). for being there. haha. yeah yeah.
and one more time for the 'gang'. haha.
de wei. nadia. dora. marky marc. jas. selvam. mei wen. paveena. kyle. michelle. benow. ben mao. alfred. yings. shankar.
For showing me that frienships CAN last beyond schools. beyond age gaps. beyond everything. and not just the MSN/blog kinda friendships. but deeper ones. where peeps and friends are there for you. and when we meet. it feels so good. that sense of security. that sense of belonging. that we all, no matter how different are still such great friends.. and im sure we will remain this way, in a long time to come.
love. rishik.
Monday, September 12, 2005
rough draft
i see shoes at the corner of the room. new ones. katana golf. hmmm. Okaay... haha.
so yesterday my blogging was interrupted by a certain studying. which kinda paid of. haha. i swear. todays physics was NOT killer! haha. i might even get A2. hell i might be so bold as to say i might even get A1. haha. i live dreams. so what. ima dreamer. and nothing can take that away from me. my dreams. nothing.
As you can tell im kina pleased with the way i did my physics and SS today. and yeah. thanks to jeremy. ALOT. and i mean ALOT. for forcing me to study. for asking qustions. and yeap. yesterday... haah. sigh. woke up in the afternoon. went to Kyle's house to study SS. was good. not bad. then after my mind could take no more i went home and then zenn came over. haha. and we did chem. yeaps. and then i fell asleep. and we decided to go for a walk. was a good walk. talked about life after Os. the importance of exams. and yeah. all. sigh. i wanna write. thats all i wanna do. take causerie to a new level. haha. yeah. you'll see. ill make it big one day. watcha nd wonder at the heights of my grammar and vocab in the future. love me and my writing. haha. one day. sigh.
it rained today. haha. was funny. after the prelims, ben mao, benow, alfred, michael joo, dominic and myself went to KFC (omg...-_-) then alfred got sick. haha. so he went home. the rest of us went to benow/ michael joo's condo. where we studied history. haha. more like wasted time for one hours. as michael goggled at the ugliest swimmers i have ever seen. like.. YUck? anyways im not the goggling sort. nope. haha. benow and michael went swimming and i dipped my feet into the pool. haha. was worried about drying it but then it started raiing so bother. we went home. haha. got wet obviously.
i kinda like the idea of renting a room. just staying there for two weeks duringh the Os. haha. study non stop. live with friends. and once the exams are over party. its a real cool idea. ahha. sigh. yet so dreamy. on the way back today i met my old senior. whatshisname. timothy chua? yeah. he was really nice to me during the shamrock fair last year. and when ho rey pumped me in the centre of the school courtyard last year. sigh. good ol scouting days. sigh. hes doing theatre at NAFA. which i find soo. cool. life does not end when you miss JC. and i CAN do what i want. haha. theatre. the options are all there. but obviously the JC route is kinda prferred. haha. sighs. made sandwhiches for dinner. better than rice anytime.
I met aloysius at the bus stop coming home come to think.. haha. i think ive met him more than other senior this year. he is one real anti-scout scout. sighs. inspiring.but none of them can beat the feat of ryan gomes. second in level. l1r5 of 8. from 22 in the prelims. from one of the slackesy guys ive known. wow. i guess whatever. its all about reaching our own potential. our own targets. screw what everyone else gets.
and no i got some weird add maths tuition. haha. i need to call the guy today. sigh. hha. somewhere in sims. like... waah. i dont want tuition anyway. but whatever. see how this goes.
so yesterday my blogging was interrupted by a certain studying. which kinda paid of. haha. i swear. todays physics was NOT killer! haha. i might even get A2. hell i might be so bold as to say i might even get A1. haha. i live dreams. so what. ima dreamer. and nothing can take that away from me. my dreams. nothing.
As you can tell im kina pleased with the way i did my physics and SS today. and yeah. thanks to jeremy. ALOT. and i mean ALOT. for forcing me to study. for asking qustions. and yeap. yesterday... haah. sigh. woke up in the afternoon. went to Kyle's house to study SS. was good. not bad. then after my mind could take no more i went home and then zenn came over. haha. and we did chem. yeaps. and then i fell asleep. and we decided to go for a walk. was a good walk. talked about life after Os. the importance of exams. and yeah. all. sigh. i wanna write. thats all i wanna do. take causerie to a new level. haha. yeah. you'll see. ill make it big one day. watcha nd wonder at the heights of my grammar and vocab in the future. love me and my writing. haha. one day. sigh.
it rained today. haha. was funny. after the prelims, ben mao, benow, alfred, michael joo, dominic and myself went to KFC (omg...-_-) then alfred got sick. haha. so he went home. the rest of us went to benow/ michael joo's condo. where we studied history. haha. more like wasted time for one hours. as michael goggled at the ugliest swimmers i have ever seen. like.. YUck? anyways im not the goggling sort. nope. haha. benow and michael went swimming and i dipped my feet into the pool. haha. was worried about drying it but then it started raiing so bother. we went home. haha. got wet obviously.
i kinda like the idea of renting a room. just staying there for two weeks duringh the Os. haha. study non stop. live with friends. and once the exams are over party. its a real cool idea. ahha. sigh. yet so dreamy. on the way back today i met my old senior. whatshisname. timothy chua? yeah. he was really nice to me during the shamrock fair last year. and when ho rey pumped me in the centre of the school courtyard last year. sigh. good ol scouting days. sigh. hes doing theatre at NAFA. which i find soo. cool. life does not end when you miss JC. and i CAN do what i want. haha. theatre. the options are all there. but obviously the JC route is kinda prferred. haha. sighs. made sandwhiches for dinner. better than rice anytime.
I met aloysius at the bus stop coming home come to think.. haha. i think ive met him more than other senior this year. he is one real anti-scout scout. sighs. inspiring.but none of them can beat the feat of ryan gomes. second in level. l1r5 of 8. from 22 in the prelims. from one of the slackesy guys ive known. wow. i guess whatever. its all about reaching our own potential. our own targets. screw what everyone else gets.
and no i got some weird add maths tuition. haha. i need to call the guy today. sigh. hha. somewhere in sims. like... waah. i dont want tuition anyway. but whatever. see how this goes.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
ten minutes is never ten minutes
I swear. It jut never is. its always longer. or shorter. uh huh. its true. go check.
now to the point at hand. why i dont wake up in the morning anymore. it sucks. haha. jeremy is making me off the com now. hha. bye.
now to the point at hand. why i dont wake up in the morning anymore. it sucks. haha. jeremy is making me off the com now. hha. bye.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Another reason why i love pasir ris
Sigh.. yay! everytime i go to the west, i can only think or more and more reasons why the east rocks. sigh. like the moon. i could NOT see the moon in bukit batok. but once in the sweet vincity of pasir ris i could watch and marvelt he moon in all its half-ness and glory as the clouds swallowed it before revealing it once again. or the fact the east has nicer more cooler shopping centres. not like that weird thing there. sigh. and all in all, it rocks. yeah. haha. sigh. more than anything i love my neighbourhood. my estate. my pasir ris. and i dont wanna move. more people came today to look at the house. haha. scarry.
sighs. so this morning i woke up... uhm later than you? haha. yeah. pretty much. and i got a call from mao int he morning. on how he couldnt make it for his birthdya celebraton today cause of his tuition... hahah! he is dam funny. i swear. he cancelled his tuition on the way as we went for the PESA finals, i remember. ahha. yeah. haha. sigh. its always his tuition. cute.
haha. so immediately after my plans for the day was cancelled, a new one was made. haha. cheyenne messaged about some skate com in bukit batok. and being the impulsive person i was, i said yes. ahhaha. so i spent one hour to get there to meet her and waste the rest of the day watching people skate with cheyenne. haha. it was all in all fun. haha. and i liekd the sun set at the overhead bridge. that was soo coool. i swear. wish i had a digi cam. to take those kinda shot. not shots of random skaters with nice hair. ahhah. nooo. not that. anywyas, after that my day pretty much ended, with me coming back home. and yeah. this. and im hungry. bleah
so ill drink. byes.
sighs. so this morning i woke up... uhm later than you? haha. yeah. pretty much. and i got a call from mao int he morning. on how he couldnt make it for his birthdya celebraton today cause of his tuition... hahah! he is dam funny. i swear. he cancelled his tuition on the way as we went for the PESA finals, i remember. ahha. yeah. haha. sigh. its always his tuition. cute.
haha. so immediately after my plans for the day was cancelled, a new one was made. haha. cheyenne messaged about some skate com in bukit batok. and being the impulsive person i was, i said yes. ahhaha. so i spent one hour to get there to meet her and waste the rest of the day watching people skate with cheyenne. haha. it was all in all fun. haha. and i liekd the sun set at the overhead bridge. that was soo coool. i swear. wish i had a digi cam. to take those kinda shot. not shots of random skaters with nice hair. ahhah. nooo. not that. anywyas, after that my day pretty much ended, with me coming back home. and yeah. this. and im hungry. bleah
so ill drink. byes.
Friday, September 09, 2005
ARGHH!! hahahhahaha....
omg. i have never been this happy in a month or so! hahahaha. omg.. i swear. im crazy. or high. or just seriosuly veyr vey very very messed up! say it with me..." MESSED UP!" yay.
sigh. and its allt hanks to aunty suja's brother;s wedding. sigh, the chance to make fun of evrything indian rocks. im screwed up. haha. i dunno. i was like on crack or soemthing. just laughing at nearly everything. and making stupid jokes. and omg. i was daaaam sarcastic and critical about EVERYTHING. sigh. haha. was having so much fun, i didnt even mind doing chroses when i got home. like changing my bed rooom sheets.. into.. "sheeps and moons and stars!" ahhahahahaha. omg. OMG! that is soo sad and funny. sigh. haha. OMG!.... hahahah. sigh, i laugh too much. sighs.
Taste of ink by the used is my "song of the week'. yay. haha. i am the official music friend of cheyenne. Hah! beat that. losers... hahah. and geetha! HAH! i got sticks and stones today! before you... hahahah! Loser! new found glory rocks. sigh. But in your memory, ill WU. Wu! WU stands for wannabes united by the way. its dam sad. so you can imagine who came up with it. ahhaha. sad idiot.
I liek air cons.. hmmm. or even when i do on fans, its on a low speed. i find fans noisy. never liked noisy things. nope. contrary to popular beelif rishik doenst like crowds or noise. he lieks quiet. why do ya think i like the park so much? the weekened crowd? hah. my ass. imina goood mood. sweet.
Poetry slam today. could that be it? naaw. chris mooney singh. haha. hes good. but man. god. i loved it. the arts scene of singapore. its like being exposed. brought in. slowly. almost. i loved it. i swear. it rocked. so much. wow. sigh. speaking of which mao is done with my song. chords are a minor, f, c and g. ahha. cool. theodore came over today after i went to study with him in peter's house. we played with my guitar, until he said it was out of tune, and then we tuned it until it WAS out of tune. hahahah! wtf! haha. idiots. i can still tab intretsing enough, just cant strum. my G string is three frats lower than usual. ahhaha. stupidity personified.
poerty slam rocks. so bad. wow. im really into it. wow. kay relax rishik. after the Os. after the Os... calm down dude. i have lost my appetite. it ran away and never came back. i swear. its weird and its freaking me out. but yeah. its what has happened to me. ahha. whatever.
MEOW! hahah. there are just waaay too many cat -people out there. first sheryll. than cheyenne. than selvam goes on his cat theory with michelle. haha. and i love that display pic cheyenne made. haha. its kicksass. and you all should be jealous, cause its nicer than yours. haha. yeah, tahst right. YOU out there. yeah, you. your display pic sucks. =)
prelims on monday. wish me luck. haha. tomorrow we be celebrating mao's borthday. haha. yay! jump! haha. sigh... this is sooo strange cause i swear, last night i couldnt sleep. it was one of the loneliest nights of my life. i cant explain it. but it was. an the moon had left me. but its okay deary moon. i saw yout oday. haha. yay.
sigh. and its allt hanks to aunty suja's brother;s wedding. sigh, the chance to make fun of evrything indian rocks. im screwed up. haha. i dunno. i was like on crack or soemthing. just laughing at nearly everything. and making stupid jokes. and omg. i was daaaam sarcastic and critical about EVERYTHING. sigh. haha. was having so much fun, i didnt even mind doing chroses when i got home. like changing my bed rooom sheets.. into.. "sheeps and moons and stars!" ahhahahahaha. omg. OMG! that is soo sad and funny. sigh. haha. OMG!.... hahahah. sigh, i laugh too much. sighs.
Taste of ink by the used is my "song of the week'. yay. haha. i am the official music friend of cheyenne. Hah! beat that. losers... hahah. and geetha! HAH! i got sticks and stones today! before you... hahahah! Loser! new found glory rocks. sigh. But in your memory, ill WU. Wu! WU stands for wannabes united by the way. its dam sad. so you can imagine who came up with it. ahhaha. sad idiot.
I liek air cons.. hmmm. or even when i do on fans, its on a low speed. i find fans noisy. never liked noisy things. nope. contrary to popular beelif rishik doenst like crowds or noise. he lieks quiet. why do ya think i like the park so much? the weekened crowd? hah. my ass. imina goood mood. sweet.
Poetry slam today. could that be it? naaw. chris mooney singh. haha. hes good. but man. god. i loved it. the arts scene of singapore. its like being exposed. brought in. slowly. almost. i loved it. i swear. it rocked. so much. wow. sigh. speaking of which mao is done with my song. chords are a minor, f, c and g. ahha. cool. theodore came over today after i went to study with him in peter's house. we played with my guitar, until he said it was out of tune, and then we tuned it until it WAS out of tune. hahahah! wtf! haha. idiots. i can still tab intretsing enough, just cant strum. my G string is three frats lower than usual. ahhaha. stupidity personified.
poerty slam rocks. so bad. wow. im really into it. wow. kay relax rishik. after the Os. after the Os... calm down dude. i have lost my appetite. it ran away and never came back. i swear. its weird and its freaking me out. but yeah. its what has happened to me. ahha. whatever.
MEOW! hahah. there are just waaay too many cat -people out there. first sheryll. than cheyenne. than selvam goes on his cat theory with michelle. haha. and i love that display pic cheyenne made. haha. its kicksass. and you all should be jealous, cause its nicer than yours. haha. yeah, tahst right. YOU out there. yeah, you. your display pic sucks. =)
prelims on monday. wish me luck. haha. tomorrow we be celebrating mao's borthday. haha. yay! jump! haha. sigh... this is sooo strange cause i swear, last night i couldnt sleep. it was one of the loneliest nights of my life. i cant explain it. but it was. an the moon had left me. but its okay deary moon. i saw yout oday. haha. yay.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
bah~ like sheep noise and shit
god. im sucha loser. cant even keep a dam promise to myself. to stop blogging. gaah. its just toot empting. it calls to me. this need of mine to keep my thoguths penned. causerie. thats the word. converstaional writing. cool it hink.
vicnan'nna went to oz. yings came back. so did nadds.so much travelling. so many peopl getting grounded. not me. i went ahead. alone, if that was the case, which it was.
i went to changi airport alone today, to study. got chased out of BK. haha. whatever. foudn this quiet corner on the floor sat down and studied for an hour. than i coudnt take it. the silence was killing me. went home.
played the piano after a long time. sigh. watched simpsons after a long time. wrote in a long time. today was quiet. and god. i ahetd it. so much. SO MUCH! ARGHH! i hate staying at home. or being alone. sooo fucked. but i dunno... too much on my mind. too disturbed.
there is a wedding tomorrow. aunty suja's bro. which also is our neighbour apparently. marrisa will be going, according to my sis. tomorrow im goin for poetry slam. yeahs. haha. mao is going too. how fun. and later that day ill be meeting theodore and peter to study. finally.
sigh. i want to study so bad. shit man. today, in my state of isolation. i relaised how badly i needed help. and i wasnt getting any. in my whole life i have never had tuition for any subject, other than tamil. and i NEED it. waaah. crappy. this sucks. physics is the first subject on top of that. i need help. i need someone, anyone to help me. dammit
i worte this. working on it. wait.
Like silence; you killed me
I'm missing; your laughter.
With silence; your killing me
Do you remember; You left here.
ist the chorus. yeaps.
its getting late. and this is the part where i shout out, bye, to all.
vicnan'nna went to oz. yings came back. so did nadds.so much travelling. so many peopl getting grounded. not me. i went ahead. alone, if that was the case, which it was.
i went to changi airport alone today, to study. got chased out of BK. haha. whatever. foudn this quiet corner on the floor sat down and studied for an hour. than i coudnt take it. the silence was killing me. went home.
played the piano after a long time. sigh. watched simpsons after a long time. wrote in a long time. today was quiet. and god. i ahetd it. so much. SO MUCH! ARGHH! i hate staying at home. or being alone. sooo fucked. but i dunno... too much on my mind. too disturbed.
there is a wedding tomorrow. aunty suja's bro. which also is our neighbour apparently. marrisa will be going, according to my sis. tomorrow im goin for poetry slam. yeahs. haha. mao is going too. how fun. and later that day ill be meeting theodore and peter to study. finally.
sigh. i want to study so bad. shit man. today, in my state of isolation. i relaised how badly i needed help. and i wasnt getting any. in my whole life i have never had tuition for any subject, other than tamil. and i NEED it. waaah. crappy. this sucks. physics is the first subject on top of that. i need help. i need someone, anyone to help me. dammit
i worte this. working on it. wait.
Like silence; you killed me
I'm missing; your laughter.
With silence; your killing me
Do you remember; You left here.
ist the chorus. yeaps.
its getting late. and this is the part where i shout out, bye, to all.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
brokeness
feeling messed up. studies.... gaaawd. i have to do that moooooreee. waaah. shit. shit. ying's story makes me feel dam shitty. how fucked up life is. Scout HQ... god... ill never return there. so dam fucked. pissed. baaah.... life is shitty.
if not friends pf course... and man, no idea how im gonna repay jas for the lagsagne. is wear im broke. i think i bout liekt hree t shirts this past week and 2 CDs this past week. and i AM broke... until next friday.. when i get my cash... omg... this sucks... wow...
im hungry... maybe ill eat... wow. i feel so bad about not studying. byes. wow.... thats all thats on my mind right now. studies.. shit. fuck. cantw ait fot allt hsi to be over. cant think. at all. waaah!
poetry slam this friday. need tot hink up an excuse. crap. good night.
if not friends pf course... and man, no idea how im gonna repay jas for the lagsagne. is wear im broke. i think i bout liekt hree t shirts this past week and 2 CDs this past week. and i AM broke... until next friday.. when i get my cash... omg... this sucks... wow...
im hungry... maybe ill eat... wow. i feel so bad about not studying. byes. wow.... thats all thats on my mind right now. studies.. shit. fuck. cantw ait fot allt hsi to be over. cant think. at all. waaah!
poetry slam this friday. need tot hink up an excuse. crap. good night.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
emotions are stirred
boo! im back. and haha. sigh, whata way to start the day. My parents have gone off to malaysia. and so has my sis. I coul d just say my family has gone to malaysia, but whatever. ahha. they alwasy do this to me.i swear. ill come home form school, and they will wave to me as they drive tot he causeway. or ill wake up and they would just be elaving, or woudl have left. or in other cases, they would wake me up to say bye, as drive off. haha. sigh. soo weird. yesterday at KFC i got a call about my sister's handphone. i think they found it. they called me mr lemonem. haha. i mentioned this is my entry yesterday, but BECAUSE it didnt get posted.... sigh. frustration, overwhelms, muah.
i had a super weird dream. in my dream we were in this uber-huge LT, and our examiners marked our scripts immediatly. it was english. and marc got 36/40. and i got 35/40. haha. and its werid cause its supposed to be upon 30 but whatever. and iw as real shitty, annoyed, cause i was working really hard to get top in level for english, again, this year. and the other parts of the dream was werid. like i gave my sister the number to call to retrive her handphone, but she siad she already got it back, and that it was someone else'es handphone. yeap. haha. sigh. there were much weirder parts, but its sounds really stupid so i shant bother recalling it for you.
alone at home, for the time being. for the whole day actually. haha. i today, i WILL FINALLY buy my CDs... sigh. about time. ill go to giordano fist to get a t shirt, cause im running low. than il buy a nice CD. =) haha. then ill meet selvam and the gang at 2 at parkway parade. yeay. haha. and for dinner, ill go out with mano perimma. yay. she's sweet. and random. just like the rest of my aunts. and my mom even. i swear. we can all be engrossed in one conversationa nd topis and then my mom will sya soemthing like "but, you, i actually didnt want to go for the teacher's day dinner" when we were talking about, say i dunno, the tsunami victims. yeah. not just her. my other aunts also have a tendency to do that. haha. we blame it on their frequency. haha. sigh. so cute.
its werid, when i think of selvam. i mean. he's my age. he practically my cousin... and i hardly knew him before St Pat's. i mean i knew him. i played chess with him. i played on his swing and i kenw he had a pet dog named manni who died. i knew he had a sister, and i knew one converstaion we had, he was boasting to me about SJI, and how he wanted to go there. or soemthing like that. i think. yeah. haha. even in st pats i hardly talked to him. haha. untilt his year, i think i really talked to him more got to know him more. yeah. sighs. its just so weird. how many years it took two cousins to get to know each other. soo weird. i used to make fun of him alot. haha. sigh. he's a funny guy all in all. but what scares me the most.. what really freaked me out the more i got know him . was how similar our style of speaking was. brrrr.
go into sandy's bathroom is a freaking weird chee ko peh song. daaam weird.
sigh. ill be signing out now. haha
the house is mine! haha... not that i like staying here. i mean...i dunno. its a nice place to sleep i guess. haha. yeaa.
i had a super weird dream. in my dream we were in this uber-huge LT, and our examiners marked our scripts immediatly. it was english. and marc got 36/40. and i got 35/40. haha. and its werid cause its supposed to be upon 30 but whatever. and iw as real shitty, annoyed, cause i was working really hard to get top in level for english, again, this year. and the other parts of the dream was werid. like i gave my sister the number to call to retrive her handphone, but she siad she already got it back, and that it was someone else'es handphone. yeap. haha. sigh. there were much weirder parts, but its sounds really stupid so i shant bother recalling it for you.
alone at home, for the time being. for the whole day actually. haha. i today, i WILL FINALLY buy my CDs... sigh. about time. ill go to giordano fist to get a t shirt, cause im running low. than il buy a nice CD. =) haha. then ill meet selvam and the gang at 2 at parkway parade. yeay. haha. and for dinner, ill go out with mano perimma. yay. she's sweet. and random. just like the rest of my aunts. and my mom even. i swear. we can all be engrossed in one conversationa nd topis and then my mom will sya soemthing like "but, you, i actually didnt want to go for the teacher's day dinner" when we were talking about, say i dunno, the tsunami victims. yeah. not just her. my other aunts also have a tendency to do that. haha. we blame it on their frequency. haha. sigh. so cute.
its werid, when i think of selvam. i mean. he's my age. he practically my cousin... and i hardly knew him before St Pat's. i mean i knew him. i played chess with him. i played on his swing and i kenw he had a pet dog named manni who died. i knew he had a sister, and i knew one converstaion we had, he was boasting to me about SJI, and how he wanted to go there. or soemthing like that. i think. yeah. haha. even in st pats i hardly talked to him. haha. untilt his year, i think i really talked to him more got to know him more. yeah. sighs. its just so weird. how many years it took two cousins to get to know each other. soo weird. i used to make fun of him alot. haha. sigh. he's a funny guy all in all. but what scares me the most.. what really freaked me out the more i got know him . was how similar our style of speaking was. brrrr.
go into sandy's bathroom is a freaking weird chee ko peh song. daaam weird.
sigh. ill be signing out now. haha
the house is mine! haha... not that i like staying here. i mean...i dunno. its a nice place to sleep i guess. haha. yeaa.
Monday, September 05, 2005
waaah!
my stupid post didnt come out! now i lost my mood to write. when this happens... i wotn write. ill just revert back to poitn form.
haha. how appropraite fortuna music is playing on my playlist now. haha.
so today.
Morning.
went class.
talked with jeremy teh hwole way.
went KFC
with marc, benow, ben mao, alfred, dominic, michasel joo and justin...
ate.
went MPL with alfred, michael joo, and dominic.
michael left, benow came.
saw maryam.
left to KFC to meet michelle, de wei and jas.
met de wei michelle and jas,
studied.
went home.
hello.
dam blogspot. pissing me off. i wrote such a nice entry too. bleah.
haha. how appropraite fortuna music is playing on my playlist now. haha.
so today.
Morning.
went class.
talked with jeremy teh hwole way.
went KFC
with marc, benow, ben mao, alfred, dominic, michasel joo and justin...
ate.
went MPL with alfred, michael joo, and dominic.
michael left, benow came.
saw maryam.
left to KFC to meet michelle, de wei and jas.
met de wei michelle and jas,
studied.
went home.
hello.
dam blogspot. pissing me off. i wrote such a nice entry too. bleah.
Sunday, September 04, 2005
cheer up, my friends all say
shalala. went skating, after a long dry spell. was fun. to watch the scenery fly by, as i take in life in all its marvel. and then as i was skating. as i saw the long grass and trees of the bird sanctuary. the deep vast, emptiness and calmness of the sea. the way the sunlight broke throught those clouds. my heart just melted in the beauty of nature. and i was so much at awe, then. and wow. i wont trade living here for anything. for this chance to experience that moment. for that time when life freezes and you accept and enjoy it for all that it is. when you dont think. and you live.
so i skated to serangoon harbour. and i could see the condominium. there were tenants living there now of course. which is sad... and my future is scarry. i hate those conversation my parents have. and you just sit in and listen. my bro wants to do his pHd.. which means more cash... which means either this or that house will have to go. and im good with that. and my sis will be working.... no degree fo her... and i will have to get my scholarship or no degree for me either... or maybe. just maybe, anna can support me. which i swear does not make sense. a guy staight out of university, support his youner bro, in higher education? i mean come on, graduates today can hardly support themselves... its stupid. and its shitty. and i swear, i just pray my dad does not retire... he needs his pension... we need it....
went out for dinner. wasnt the best. long joh silver. it was all closing, so there was no hershey pie, nor clam chowder, nor corn. and thats like all i really like about long john. haha. besdies the fries, fish and prawns. but yeah... wasnt the best. bought a t shirt from bum. kinda cool. and dad scolded me about downloading music, until he heard me out, and realised i DIDNT download music... no. that would be jeremy's baby. haha.
tomorrow, would be a day to study. sure i can get something done. yeaps. im sure. haha. i picked out a chinese name. Rui She. haha. it means 'sharp design'. foudn it cool. haha.
listening to evan and jaron 'crazy for this girl'. the first song i ever downloaded using napster. sigh. i still remember it. i was soo young. sigh. there isnt any more sprite floats! liek whyy! how screwey is that. bleah. when did life become so undearingly demanding. had a wird dream. a very very weird dream. yeahs. hmmms. i saw this cool shirt in the BUM shop in TM... "music give my life colour".... i didnt buy it cause the grammar was flawed. haha. im picky. im sorry.
finally got batteries for my alarm clock. was too lazy to get it before... haha. im an idiot. i know. just felt... i dont know.. i didnt need it? sigh. idiocy runs in the family...
my sis lost her phone. poor thing. maybe ill give her mine. i gotta study for my Os after all... "there is hope for us." haha. sigh. its a sweet song. jealous sound rocks. period.
think ill buy some CDs tomorrow. maybe if i meet de wei to study, ill go before that. yeah. need to invite more people. haha. ill message them in the morning. works most of the time. yeaps. my sister's driving is way cool. and fun. and i learnt exactly what a twin moment was today. haha. yay. like whatever.
ill sleep now, then. the nights aint what they used to be. still magical... but in a sadder way.
so i skated to serangoon harbour. and i could see the condominium. there were tenants living there now of course. which is sad... and my future is scarry. i hate those conversation my parents have. and you just sit in and listen. my bro wants to do his pHd.. which means more cash... which means either this or that house will have to go. and im good with that. and my sis will be working.... no degree fo her... and i will have to get my scholarship or no degree for me either... or maybe. just maybe, anna can support me. which i swear does not make sense. a guy staight out of university, support his youner bro, in higher education? i mean come on, graduates today can hardly support themselves... its stupid. and its shitty. and i swear, i just pray my dad does not retire... he needs his pension... we need it....
went out for dinner. wasnt the best. long joh silver. it was all closing, so there was no hershey pie, nor clam chowder, nor corn. and thats like all i really like about long john. haha. besdies the fries, fish and prawns. but yeah... wasnt the best. bought a t shirt from bum. kinda cool. and dad scolded me about downloading music, until he heard me out, and realised i DIDNT download music... no. that would be jeremy's baby. haha.
tomorrow, would be a day to study. sure i can get something done. yeaps. im sure. haha. i picked out a chinese name. Rui She. haha. it means 'sharp design'. foudn it cool. haha.
listening to evan and jaron 'crazy for this girl'. the first song i ever downloaded using napster. sigh. i still remember it. i was soo young. sigh. there isnt any more sprite floats! liek whyy! how screwey is that. bleah. when did life become so undearingly demanding. had a wird dream. a very very weird dream. yeahs. hmmms. i saw this cool shirt in the BUM shop in TM... "music give my life colour".... i didnt buy it cause the grammar was flawed. haha. im picky. im sorry.
finally got batteries for my alarm clock. was too lazy to get it before... haha. im an idiot. i know. just felt... i dont know.. i didnt need it? sigh. idiocy runs in the family...
my sis lost her phone. poor thing. maybe ill give her mine. i gotta study for my Os after all... "there is hope for us." haha. sigh. its a sweet song. jealous sound rocks. period.
think ill buy some CDs tomorrow. maybe if i meet de wei to study, ill go before that. yeah. need to invite more people. haha. ill message them in the morning. works most of the time. yeaps. my sister's driving is way cool. and fun. and i learnt exactly what a twin moment was today. haha. yay. like whatever.
ill sleep now, then. the nights aint what they used to be. still magical... but in a sadder way.
haha.
The pencil mark says: Your english is terrible. How do you teach children?
haha. i like this. i find it so cool. how funny and bitchy my family is. haha. yeah. sighs. haha. I used tot hink it was just me and my brother, that was like that, but apparently we got it from my dad. haha. still remember when i got bored and started circling all the spelling mistakes in the consent form theodore gave me, and he got really pissed. sighs. but i felt kinda guilty after that, cause he was already stressed at it was. haha.
sigh. today was sweet. dont ask why. i just felt it was. rain rocks. totally.
tomoorw ive got schooly. yay-y. and tuesday im gonna have dinner with prisicilla'kka and mano-perimma. and friday is aunty suja's brother's wedding. ahha. we arnt even related tot hem. but, yeah they are really close family. sigh. ahha. see ya.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
im sick of sighing
hey heys. another work by yours truly.
Do you remember that time (i met you)
you said your doing fine
and we laughed together
you said keep in touch, never gave me your number.
So sad and funny, because i'd call you if i knew.
Oooh.
You have got me day dreaming
Another hour spent, just thinking
of nothign in particular, the time has flied
its just a blur, like that moment when we first meet
Yes, you have got me (oooh) sooo intrigued.
Do you remember that song
You called it thrash,
I called you wrong,
and then we argued for a while,we argued long.
I still think of you when i hear that song
oooh...
You have got me day dreaming
Another hour spent, just thinking
of nothign in particular, the time has flied
its just a blur, like that moment when we first meet
Yes, you have got me (oooh) sooo intrigued.
Do you remember when (i told you)
this is not the end, (not so soon),
and i cant pretend,
that i will know when, we will meet again.
That is even, if we doo....
Ooooh...
You have got me day dreaming
Another hour spent, just thinking
of nothign in particular, the time has flied
its just a blur, like that moment when we meet
Yes, you have got me (oooh) sooo intrigued.
i know, i know. its half baked. not that nice yet. still working on it. ahha. listenign to rough draft by yellow card, and dressed to kill by new ofund glory. and head collision by new found glory. and friends over you by new found glory. and all downhill from here and haha, i think you all should know who that is from. ahha. sigh. i want their CD.
went to play basketball with kyle and shane this afternoon. was fun. haha. we lost 10-11 to these really small kids. haha. then we played horse. and i won. haha. so fun. OH! and me and shane teamed up against Kyle and won him 15-7. haha! beat that. the underdogs won. me and shane. the two of us against KYLE! haha. whatever. shut up rishik.
i dont want to eb,, dont want to be wrong...haha. going for poetry slam of course. how can i not. hahas. good nights. sigh. the video for 'dressed to kill' is dam fucking sweet and sad. sigh. i should stop swearing. haha. sigh. i should... maybe one day, i just might
byes. gonna study bio.
Do you remember that time (i met you)
you said your doing fine
and we laughed together
you said keep in touch, never gave me your number.
So sad and funny, because i'd call you if i knew.
Oooh.
You have got me day dreaming
Another hour spent, just thinking
of nothign in particular, the time has flied
its just a blur, like that moment when we first meet
Yes, you have got me (oooh) sooo intrigued.
Do you remember that song
You called it thrash,
I called you wrong,
and then we argued for a while,we argued long.
I still think of you when i hear that song
oooh...
You have got me day dreaming
Another hour spent, just thinking
of nothign in particular, the time has flied
its just a blur, like that moment when we first meet
Yes, you have got me (oooh) sooo intrigued.
Do you remember when (i told you)
this is not the end, (not so soon),
and i cant pretend,
that i will know when, we will meet again.
That is even, if we doo....
Ooooh...
You have got me day dreaming
Another hour spent, just thinking
of nothign in particular, the time has flied
its just a blur, like that moment when we meet
Yes, you have got me (oooh) sooo intrigued.
i know, i know. its half baked. not that nice yet. still working on it. ahha. listenign to rough draft by yellow card, and dressed to kill by new ofund glory. and head collision by new found glory. and friends over you by new found glory. and all downhill from here and haha, i think you all should know who that is from. ahha. sigh. i want their CD.
went to play basketball with kyle and shane this afternoon. was fun. haha. we lost 10-11 to these really small kids. haha. then we played horse. and i won. haha. so fun. OH! and me and shane teamed up against Kyle and won him 15-7. haha! beat that. the underdogs won. me and shane. the two of us against KYLE! haha. whatever. shut up rishik.
i dont want to eb,, dont want to be wrong...haha. going for poetry slam of course. how can i not. hahas. good nights. sigh. the video for 'dressed to kill' is dam fucking sweet and sad. sigh. i should stop swearing. haha. sigh. i should... maybe one day, i just might
byes. gonna study bio.
a new found apathy
tahst right. i cant be botehred anymore. about changign the world. abotu making a difference. or at least in the sense that nicholas thinks in. because the world is alreadys o screwed as it is. and there is nothing we can do about it. dam US of A... it sickening. how theyc an just reject the kyotom summit. how can they spend a few billions on wars around their country, and destroy peace in the middle east, and then contibute a few million dollars to the millions of lives lost in tsunami. its sickening, that CNN continues to propagate pro-american sentiments, and continues to be so dam nationalistic, tot he point of puking. its sadening that a whole areas and cities can be destroyed by nature. hundred and thousands of lives lost just like that. that in 50 years time, all our fossil fuels are gone. that we are still too stubborn to change our choice of resources. that the european constituiton is blocked by ONCE again nationalistic sentiments and ego. that international crime and terrorism still persists. and god... what have we done to this earth. what are we doing to it.. this is a hell of our own making. which is why, i have decided to stop thinking. to stop caring... at least the political sense. i rishik menon, am politically apathetic. i will not care. no more... no more....
but i will still care. in a different sense of course. about my friends. about my life. and about life in general. yeahs. cause thats what its all about. life. the colour. the emotions. the moments. and yeah, i wont know what to do if not for that. thats what makes life what is it. and thats what im gonna live for. my friends. and my family. my feelings. yay. haha. so i talked to ivan last night. about ego. and how egos are sucky. and some people have them. and it was fun talking. its eems thats all i like talkign about these days. psycho analysing people, life and emotions. cause its all around us. and its fun to do that. haha. yeahs. sigh. but it cant be teh oly thing in life either too. its even sadder. to keep analysing. keep guessing. keep anticipating. and prepping up for the future. i mean, sometimes we just have to live. and love all the surprises in life. as zenn and dora both say. so yeah... life. i think thats just how im gonna live. live for the moment now.
heavens not a place that you go when you die after all. its that moment in life when you finally feel alive. and thats just how i plan to forget teh hell i live in, and make it a heaven. and one thing that really helps me is the arts. sigh. drama, music and literature are all that push me on. that give that little spice. that thing that helps me appreciate the moment even more. sigh. life rocks... no im not down anymore. well i am. but i am loving it. lovign the feeling of being down. cause that just makes me feel more human than ever. if that made sense. sighs. haha. i love writing.
ivan says i did well for my english. not sure how he knows yet of course. haha. but yeah, its comforting. sigh. VJC, CJC, MJC, whatever. where i go isnt important. not really. its the people i hang out with i mean. friendships or sooo not bounded by school. and i mean. i can do well in my A levels regardless, right? so whatever. haha. but thats not an excuse to slack during prelims. hha. i mean i still want to do well. im just not so hard up or die-die about getting to VJ. yeah. illt ake life in its stride. sigh.
the rain rocks, so much. its really nice. and soon ill be going to help my mom and sis with lunch. haha. how fun. and maybe ill study later. sigh. how fun. tot hink ina weeks time, ill be in the midst of my prelims. =)
good night ya'll.
but i will still care. in a different sense of course. about my friends. about my life. and about life in general. yeahs. cause thats what its all about. life. the colour. the emotions. the moments. and yeah, i wont know what to do if not for that. thats what makes life what is it. and thats what im gonna live for. my friends. and my family. my feelings. yay. haha. so i talked to ivan last night. about ego. and how egos are sucky. and some people have them. and it was fun talking. its eems thats all i like talkign about these days. psycho analysing people, life and emotions. cause its all around us. and its fun to do that. haha. yeahs. sigh. but it cant be teh oly thing in life either too. its even sadder. to keep analysing. keep guessing. keep anticipating. and prepping up for the future. i mean, sometimes we just have to live. and love all the surprises in life. as zenn and dora both say. so yeah... life. i think thats just how im gonna live. live for the moment now.
heavens not a place that you go when you die after all. its that moment in life when you finally feel alive. and thats just how i plan to forget teh hell i live in, and make it a heaven. and one thing that really helps me is the arts. sigh. drama, music and literature are all that push me on. that give that little spice. that thing that helps me appreciate the moment even more. sigh. life rocks... no im not down anymore. well i am. but i am loving it. lovign the feeling of being down. cause that just makes me feel more human than ever. if that made sense. sighs. haha. i love writing.
ivan says i did well for my english. not sure how he knows yet of course. haha. but yeah, its comforting. sigh. VJC, CJC, MJC, whatever. where i go isnt important. not really. its the people i hang out with i mean. friendships or sooo not bounded by school. and i mean. i can do well in my A levels regardless, right? so whatever. haha. but thats not an excuse to slack during prelims. hha. i mean i still want to do well. im just not so hard up or die-die about getting to VJ. yeah. illt ake life in its stride. sigh.
the rain rocks, so much. its really nice. and soon ill be going to help my mom and sis with lunch. haha. how fun. and maybe ill study later. sigh. how fun. tot hink ina weeks time, ill be in the midst of my prelims. =)
good night ya'll.
Friday, September 02, 2005
the glove comparrment
its inaccurately named. so goes the song by death cab for cutie.. yeah. cool band. cool music.
and my dear sister( the real one, not michelle) passed her driving test. haha. yay! and now she can drive me to school and back! maybe ill ask her to drive me to night study today.. though i dont feel like going. naww. think ill just stay home and try and study here. or skate even. sighs. the weather rocks. haha. and No nicholas, despite what you think, or understood from my last entry, i dont have a thing for ying. a tragic wrong inference of your part. tsk tsk.
chem practicla today!! haha. yay! my favourite part of school, after english and PE... and i am NOT goign tot alk about it.... yeaps. not saying if its good or bad. mmm. not a word from me. add matsh was sucky today. with enough luck ill get B3. andi got my mock e matsh prelims back. haha. combined score of a1. barely. and i mean BARELY. sighs. studies are screwing up for me quite alot these days.
for lunch, went with ben ow, alfred, jeremy, and domninic to BK (again) and at the bus stop at Parkway we met... the rest of our class. haha. or at least 2/3 of them bryan c, alex, jonny, don, the list goes on. haha. and it was raining. and add maths test was goign to start in 15 minutes. haha. i love my class... kay i dont. i cant stand half of it. but besides that, hha, i love their attitude.
sighs. you would think that this being a friday... you would think that this being the day before the weekeend. the day before the september holidays... you woudl think we would be slightly happier. or so i told kyle as we walked through the school foyer this morning. and its sad. that prelims are in a weeks time. that 4 weeks after the prelims is our O levels practicals. and two weeks after that is our O levels.. and in those 11 days of O levels... four years of our lives is put to a test. a sad sad test. which is why i hate academia. the fact that they have to test it. not that its without its pros i mean. it will be a food oppotunity to excel and put big-mouthed braggarts and losers in their place. but yeah. its more than that i feel. so sometime after teh assembly i went to 1n2 to get my calculator, and brandon wasnt in class.. apparently he went to look for me. and i stood there dumbstrock for a moment, not because i was too shocked to know what to do next, but cause i was marvelling at how the teacher could just allow her student to walk around school to return a calculator to a sec 4 student, who isnt even supposed to be in school in the morning... but the point is i got my calculator after that. i swear, the attitude of patrician teachers amaze me. both in good and slack ways.
met ricardo on the bus ride home. he's one strange sec 2. and he really should join eldds. hhaha. we have a manpower problem. but yeap.
woke up at 545 this morning. not bad. haha. not bad at all, if i may say so myself.
so i guess its settled then. sigh. i guess its settled. tomorrow i need to remind miss lee to give me my grade 5 cert. hahas. dam sad. stupid merit...
yesterday was my parents anniversary. how cool is that. haha. i wanna go buy CDs.
shalalala. ill be off now. shoudl really study. in time to come.
and my dear sister( the real one, not michelle) passed her driving test. haha. yay! and now she can drive me to school and back! maybe ill ask her to drive me to night study today.. though i dont feel like going. naww. think ill just stay home and try and study here. or skate even. sighs. the weather rocks. haha. and No nicholas, despite what you think, or understood from my last entry, i dont have a thing for ying. a tragic wrong inference of your part. tsk tsk.
chem practicla today!! haha. yay! my favourite part of school, after english and PE... and i am NOT goign tot alk about it.... yeaps. not saying if its good or bad. mmm. not a word from me. add matsh was sucky today. with enough luck ill get B3. andi got my mock e matsh prelims back. haha. combined score of a1. barely. and i mean BARELY. sighs. studies are screwing up for me quite alot these days.
for lunch, went with ben ow, alfred, jeremy, and domninic to BK (again) and at the bus stop at Parkway we met... the rest of our class. haha. or at least 2/3 of them bryan c, alex, jonny, don, the list goes on. haha. and it was raining. and add maths test was goign to start in 15 minutes. haha. i love my class... kay i dont. i cant stand half of it. but besides that, hha, i love their attitude.
sighs. you would think that this being a friday... you would think that this being the day before the weekeend. the day before the september holidays... you woudl think we would be slightly happier. or so i told kyle as we walked through the school foyer this morning. and its sad. that prelims are in a weeks time. that 4 weeks after the prelims is our O levels practicals. and two weeks after that is our O levels.. and in those 11 days of O levels... four years of our lives is put to a test. a sad sad test. which is why i hate academia. the fact that they have to test it. not that its without its pros i mean. it will be a food oppotunity to excel and put big-mouthed braggarts and losers in their place. but yeah. its more than that i feel. so sometime after teh assembly i went to 1n2 to get my calculator, and brandon wasnt in class.. apparently he went to look for me. and i stood there dumbstrock for a moment, not because i was too shocked to know what to do next, but cause i was marvelling at how the teacher could just allow her student to walk around school to return a calculator to a sec 4 student, who isnt even supposed to be in school in the morning... but the point is i got my calculator after that. i swear, the attitude of patrician teachers amaze me. both in good and slack ways.
met ricardo on the bus ride home. he's one strange sec 2. and he really should join eldds. hhaha. we have a manpower problem. but yeap.
woke up at 545 this morning. not bad. haha. not bad at all, if i may say so myself.
so i guess its settled then. sigh. i guess its settled. tomorrow i need to remind miss lee to give me my grade 5 cert. hahas. dam sad. stupid merit...
yesterday was my parents anniversary. how cool is that. haha. i wanna go buy CDs.
shalalala. ill be off now. shoudl really study. in time to come.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
we need to talk
Sure looks like I have fallen down
Sure feels like I am broken now
And I'm split betweem feelings
Of hate with myself and then
there is this somethign else.
I cant quite, put my finger on.
But this feeling, has got me so torn
And i gave you flowers on that,
rainy day.
And i said "i think i like you"
in my quiet way
And i dont want to lose you, just wished
that you'd stay
But i understand if you wanna leave, its my fault anyway
Oh god, sure feels like i have fallen down
And Ive no doubt, that im broken now.
So after all my thinking
I still cant decide
what the hell i should do
with this fucked up life
Dont think that i'd be alright
And not for the first time
I write this song with my left hand
cause its the only way i know that i can
channel all my htoughts and energy
away from thinking of you
and everything you said to me
evoking this burning stench of misery
And i gave you flowers on that,
rainy day.
And i said "i think i like you"
in my quiet way
And i dont want to lose you, just wished
that you'd stay
But i understand if you wanna leave, its my fault anyway
Sure feels like I am broken now
And I'm split betweem feelings
Of hate with myself and then
there is this somethign else.
I cant quite, put my finger on.
But this feeling, has got me so torn
And i gave you flowers on that,
rainy day.
And i said "i think i like you"
in my quiet way
And i dont want to lose you, just wished
that you'd stay
But i understand if you wanna leave, its my fault anyway
Oh god, sure feels like i have fallen down
And Ive no doubt, that im broken now.
So after all my thinking
I still cant decide
what the hell i should do
with this fucked up life
Dont think that i'd be alright
And not for the first time
I write this song with my left hand
cause its the only way i know that i can
channel all my htoughts and energy
away from thinking of you
and everything you said to me
evoking this burning stench of misery
And i gave you flowers on that,
rainy day.
And i said "i think i like you"
in my quiet way
And i dont want to lose you, just wished
that you'd stay
But i understand if you wanna leave, its my fault anyway
hate feeling regret
"runaway train neevr goign back. wrong way on a one way track. seems like i should be getting somewhere. somehow im neither here nor there...."
regret is like that. there is no turning back. what the hell can you do, once you do it. life is like that. full of idioit decisions to make, that will make or break things. like friendships.. and i swear thats the last thing i wanted to break. gawd. feel like such an idiot. for not saying... and then for saying.... and for everything...
konstantine is a sad song.. and so is runaway train. both so different in story line. yet so for me to relate to... sigh.
no point hiding or lying i anything i guess. maybe i did the right thing... i mean, i coudl not live with myself, not knowing, "what if"...so yeah. this is the best i guess. and i swear, i appreciate your bluntness. and i would have asked for you to be blunt with me anyway, so thanks.
gawd... the rain is refreshing. i miss the moon.. i miss making wishes... its nice to have this sense of hope and dreams.. despite life being so fucked and all. despite the fact that wishes dont come true half the time. despite everything.
so today dear yings went off. sigh. she is like one of the sweetest person i know. and my heart melts at just how nice a person she is. i swear she is dam touching. in that sense. so nadia, dora, marky marc, selvam, de wei, jasvir, michelle and kyle went to send her off. yay. we went to TM first where nads, and de wei hand picked a pair of undies for her. ahha. had breakfats at the airport. and i wasnt hungry. after sneding off yings, we went to study at subway. helped my sister michelle menon with her chem and jas with e maths, and he helped me with humanes. haha. the way he teaches is dam cool. relates everything back to debates. and that is so cool. sighs. after that we went to take the bus back, and i did the stupidest thing of the week. dumber than boiling my enzymes for bio practical. dumber than shiftign the postion of my lens for physics practical. and i guess ill just have to live with it. cause there is no turning back.
i dont want to be in a relationship. i dont want to confuse you. all in all, i swear i dont know what to do. and now i feel like things are drifting apart between us. this whole week... yeah. like you dont quite want to talk to me. even today... its like we hardly talked... and i dunno what it is. am i being too clingy? am i just too depressing to talk to? is it the handphone bill? but that would hardly explain why we didnt talk today. i treasure your friendship. i dont want to lose that. and maybe what ive dont just catalysed the whole 'drifting apart' thing.
tomorrow is my chem practical. no de wei, i wont screw it up.. bringing my guitar tomorrow... for the last time this year... sigh... tomorrow is also my add maths paper II. god save me.
i go outside.. to my surprise the sky had landed. piano class this saturday. last class before Os... everythign seems to be coming to an end. everything.... everything i ever liked. music.. the moon... freedom...messages that would make my day, in the simplest way. gonna study with zenn later.
thank jas, for everything. thanks. everyone. good bye. i need to study.
regret is like that. there is no turning back. what the hell can you do, once you do it. life is like that. full of idioit decisions to make, that will make or break things. like friendships.. and i swear thats the last thing i wanted to break. gawd. feel like such an idiot. for not saying... and then for saying.... and for everything...
konstantine is a sad song.. and so is runaway train. both so different in story line. yet so for me to relate to... sigh.
no point hiding or lying i anything i guess. maybe i did the right thing... i mean, i coudl not live with myself, not knowing, "what if"...so yeah. this is the best i guess. and i swear, i appreciate your bluntness. and i would have asked for you to be blunt with me anyway, so thanks.
gawd... the rain is refreshing. i miss the moon.. i miss making wishes... its nice to have this sense of hope and dreams.. despite life being so fucked and all. despite the fact that wishes dont come true half the time. despite everything.
so today dear yings went off. sigh. she is like one of the sweetest person i know. and my heart melts at just how nice a person she is. i swear she is dam touching. in that sense. so nadia, dora, marky marc, selvam, de wei, jasvir, michelle and kyle went to send her off. yay. we went to TM first where nads, and de wei hand picked a pair of undies for her. ahha. had breakfats at the airport. and i wasnt hungry. after sneding off yings, we went to study at subway. helped my sister michelle menon with her chem and jas with e maths, and he helped me with humanes. haha. the way he teaches is dam cool. relates everything back to debates. and that is so cool. sighs. after that we went to take the bus back, and i did the stupidest thing of the week. dumber than boiling my enzymes for bio practical. dumber than shiftign the postion of my lens for physics practical. and i guess ill just have to live with it. cause there is no turning back.
i dont want to be in a relationship. i dont want to confuse you. all in all, i swear i dont know what to do. and now i feel like things are drifting apart between us. this whole week... yeah. like you dont quite want to talk to me. even today... its like we hardly talked... and i dunno what it is. am i being too clingy? am i just too depressing to talk to? is it the handphone bill? but that would hardly explain why we didnt talk today. i treasure your friendship. i dont want to lose that. and maybe what ive dont just catalysed the whole 'drifting apart' thing.
tomorrow is my chem practical. no de wei, i wont screw it up.. bringing my guitar tomorrow... for the last time this year... sigh... tomorrow is also my add maths paper II. god save me.
i go outside.. to my surprise the sky had landed. piano class this saturday. last class before Os... everythign seems to be coming to an end. everything.... everything i ever liked. music.. the moon... freedom...messages that would make my day, in the simplest way. gonna study with zenn later.
thank jas, for everything. thanks. everyone. good bye. i need to study.
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