regret right now

hellos. so today is the day before the day in which we celebrate the teaching of teachers who teach us. or soemthing like that. haha. rights,.whatever. its not my fault, lameness is contagious. sighs. dam you jeremy! sighs. party was good. pulled of int he last minte by...jeremy again. played murderor. like no suprise there. me and marc were killed after a long arguement of why we thought each other was the murderor haha. which was funny. and food was good. and yah. from then on it was all about guitars. mao, alfred, arthur, don and myself were just playing and playing and yeah. until 12 plus, when my sister called. so i came home to help her get her driving record book.. and made her maggi mee. haha. and my finger is burnt. but forget that. haha.

sigh. tomorrow is yings farewell. so sad. sigh. will be there of course.

my name is rishik menon

and i will not be goign to VJC for the first three months. with a bit luck, (with alot of luck actually) I JUST might pass my bio and physics... cause i screwed up BOTH so badly! gawd... just wanna go into a corner and strum my life away...

hahas. 'dammit' tabs. like wtf.... ive learnt more about strumming in the past one week then i ever have in my life. thanks to mao, on most part. sigh... tomorrow is teacher's day... and i feels o screwed over today.. get over it.. just accept it. VJC isnt meant for you. not the first three months anyway. heh. bloody hell... MJ, it is then. dear old MJ. down the road. sigh. get OVER it RISHIK. ITS OVER... now just look forward to ur favourite practical.. chem.. sigh. please dotn fail me now... please, oh please...

after school, waited at the bus stop talking to marc, waiting for my dad to pick me up and realising one by one how i screwed up every dam thing in physics and bio, and listening to the flapping of the wings as my dreams and hopes flew away. dad picked me up from shcool today. haha. dam funny. not out of love.. Nooo. he had lost his keys. hahaha. how funny is that. so yeah, he 'needed' me. hahas.

maaan. i'm just gonna read, dw jones, eat chicken pie and play more guitar. sigh. need to de stress. but as nicholas put it. "You destress? haha. your not even stressed! your slacking!" and he's right of course. haha. oh wells. oh my... oh dear...

and not that its important, but ill just add in, that today while shaving i cut my chin.. was distracted... wasnt concentrating. my own fault. and its just shows my state of mind right now. screwed. and tensed. so i dont need games like speed or stress. haha. no its okay. im fine just the way i am. yeaps... just the way i am...

peter tried to sell flowers to me this morning, but i already bought a bouquet for teacher's day. so... yeah. haha. in the end kyle bought one. was pretty funny. hahas. well its for a goodc ause. hmmm. wish i supported more good causes. would make me feel less pathetic. yeap. sigh. tomorrow im gonna bring me guitar and get chords to the song i posted last night. with mao's help of course. never knew how to play chords, to a tune. i mean, tones on a piano is one thing... but on a guitar, is woah. totally different.


got this craving for 7-up clear raspberry. which is weird cause i dont drink soft drinks unless it comes with a fats food meal. trying to be healthy. haha. but this craving... its just there. hahas. mug root beer today. mmmmm. mug root beeeer....

"tomorrow comes. with one desire. to take you away from me." save tonight. eagel eyed cherry. hahas. wish things were just pasued for a moment. for a night. for awhile. sigh. cause life is seriosuly moving faar to fast for my liking. god. god! the yera is goignt o end soon! im gonna graduate soon! omg. this is happening way too fast. brrrr. speaking of grad nite, im eating chinese again... though i swear i hate chinese whatever-course food. there never is enough. and there is always the sharks fin. which i am against. so i wanted halal... but i realised that meant sitting with... no one from class, but prem kumar. haha. prem. hahahaha. prem. kay. right.


prem, and pauk jon wanted me to follow them eat... but i wanted to saty in shcool and play the guitar. and i think thats what ill do now. still have a lot of work to do in it. alot of practise. yeahs.

so byes. or since bye is too harsh a word to use.... 'see ya'.

because, i have nothing to hide...

if you wont message me, or answer me.. what do you want me to do.. maan. here is the song. hope you read it at least. you know who you are. sigh.

I dont want it to end
before it has even begun.
I dont want to run out of words
before this song is sung.
I dotn wanna scare you dear,
by rushing it too fast
I dont wanna admit i miss you,
but right now i feel so lost.

As I'm drawing images of you in my mind
And Im facing up to test results, it says im doing fine
But I'm not getting my As, just like i used to.
I;m drawing blank, feels like i'm being split,
into two.

Girl Its because of you
I know you didnt mean it to.
But it seems to me, every word you say
just robs my breathe away.
please teach me not to think too much,
to act on impulse if i must,
but either way i wont know what to choose.
Girl I dont know what to do.

I dotn wanna smother you with mush
when i show you how much i care.
I dotn wanna be liket he other boys,
No, im trying to be something rare
I dont wanna be too straight about it,
without romance or poetry. yet
I dont wanna be too slow to act,
these emotions are building up in me

so i'm calling you up on the phone..
and i'm looking our for messages, or hints i should have known
because i aint thinking straight just like i used to
when my heart is in my head, and i remember my homework
its due

Girl Its because of you
I know you didnt mean it to.
But it seems to me, every word you say
just robs my breathe away.
please teach me not to think too much,
to act on impulse if i must,
but either way i wont know what to choose.
Girl I dont know what to do.

I dont know how to get over you
my feelings run too deep.
I dont know who to tell this to
this serect is too much, for me to keep.
I dotn know what youd' think of me,
if you were to ever find out, cause
I dont ever want to lose you dear
so please, just hear me out.

Girl Its because of you
I know you didnt mean it to.
But it seems to me, every word you say
just robs my breathe away.
please teach me not to think too much,
to act on impulse if i must,
but either way i wont know what to choose.
Girl I dont know what to do.

when you got music...

what else do you need in life. today me and max ganged up against nicholas gn and his anarchist ideologies.. it WILL NOT WORK! sigh...morning.... saw the crescent. idiot sun came up after i slept last night. haha. at 12.30! like...comeon. bleah...

school was funny today. especilly since all the 4E classes had lab parcticals for science combined, except fer my class. haha. so for mother tongue i joined, arthur, jeremy, alex, marc and all in CLB class. and i learnt abit of chinese! wup ti doo. haha. english was fun. and today i learnt that my phone bill was more than 200 bucks. ahha. and i had sent 2829 messages... hahha. like, wow. who would have guessed... heh heh... im just gonna keep laughing in delussion until reality finally sinks in... haha. yay... haha.......ta da dee dum....


fuck. fuck lah... dads gonna kill me. dear sister nicely hid the bill, seeing as how her bill was even higher... but fuck man. that sux. maybe my phone will get cofniscated. which is annoying... but god man... that sucks so bad...

100 bucks last friday. to 8 bucks today... where did it all go! kay, lemme think... 45 on Fish and Co. 10 or so at BK... 6 at macs today... 10 on the teacher's day flowers... 10 or so at subway... 10 or so at popular... hmmmm... yeah. that adds up. fuck...

i hate saying fuck. makes me feel so reduced, and such a lesser person. like i have been reduced to 'their' level.. and i dont want to be. i want to stay rishik. vulgarity and singlish free... i want that back... sigh. so dam fucked...

tomorrow is my physics and bio practicals for prelims.. need to study my dear bio today. man i hate bio... my oh my... took the bus homew ith shane today. was fun talking to him. had lunch with him at macs. yeah. haha. wednesday is tecaher's day celebrations.. i think i '...' too much. to the point in my english prelims last friday i actually penned out "..." then i realised it wasnt proper english. haha. sigh.

man... if i get my A1 for enghlish, e maths, chem... A2 for bio and physics... B3 for humanes... i still cant get into VJ... wow. i need to get A1 for physics and bio then... wah.. thats gonna be tough. and maybe A2 for humanities. waaah. notice i dotn even mention add maths. thats a gonnr. i swear. id be lucky to get a B3. DAM lucky...

visitors coming over today, to look at this sweet house, and possible buy it. which is sad.. ill miss the roof. ill miss the garden.. my room... but at the same time, change is inevitable.. maan. it also means i need to clean up my room and this study area.



and ill reply... and i wont forget it... i wont... not without a proper good bye at least.. at least...

'shiko!!...destress and enjoy."

haha. so sweet. literally too. thanks for the chocolates. sigh. i love my aunts.

man the more time you spend alone, the more you think. about the most random and weird stuff too. like SHIRTS! i, rishik menon, have decided, to be more different from the rest of the crowd, im goign to start wearing shirts more often. yay. ahha. im thinking, long sleeved shirts, that youc an roll the sleeves, and button it up. yeaaaa. haha. now that would be something.

sigh. so today, i had a pretty annoying arguement with my parenyts. thenw ent to changic ivil service club to study. was OKAY... except for the god dam TV, and the chinese channel playing. i swear, for the first time, i felt in my own home town of singapore, like a minority. god... from changi civil service club, tot he walk to subway,a nd eevn there... iyt was all people talking inchinese, chinese music and chinese TVs... brrr.

bus ride to tanah merah and from there took a train to borders. yeaps. my leg fell asleep on the bus ride. so i was limping on my way out of the bus. haha. pretty cool. never happened to me before...

borders i checked out the music book collection there which sucked. bought chronicles of life and death using jeremy's borders voucher (thanks) and then made me way to kino... wow. haha. that place rocks. got lost in wonder and marvel there for quite a while from zits comics to music books to drama and theatre to yound adults to tarot to jokes. yeah... anyways i had to leave soon. oh i forgot... in kino i saw this guy with pretty long hair... and i wanted it.. haha. the hair.. yeahs, i cut my hair yesterday. kinda sad. liked it the way itwas. long.. bleah.and i had to go cut it. and today it cut me! haha. i swear. i was pulling a tangle out of my hair whiel studying and i got a cut! i splinter! my hair was peicred into my dam skin! like wtrf... so after a while i managed to ull it out. but ouch.... yeahs... now we know. your hair can fight back..


hmmm. got back, and found a optus bag on my table. was pretty puzzled for a while, till i saw the chocolates. haha. so nice. komala' sitti of course. was soo nice of her. yeahs. sighs. and im here now. and i got to go out with people more often. have so much in me i wat to say. hahas. but at the same time, its healthy to go out on your own.. let your thoughts consume everything you do. yeaps. sigh. just not for too long. though.

ciaos. might stay up for the moon tonight. haha. i will. and enjoy life.

pessimistic inclinations

so mars wasnts een. as expected.

gonna go study nows. haha. byes.

my life is brilliant

fuck. my life is brilliant. my life is fucked. sigh. i dotn know who i am anymore. akward, is what i feel. too unable to put my feelings to my mouth, and when i do, it never coems out the way i want it to. no. as kubo would agree with me, this is the worst time ever to fall in love. too many things. too many uncertaintis. and i feel like i wasted something. dotn knwo what exactlt. but i have screwed somehting soemwhere along the line. sigh. after the O levels... my NLLC project. kay. i am going to look forward to that. yes i will. haha. i hope.


science practical prelsm aroud the corner. bring it on. sigh. whatever. i need to go skating tonight. need to think. ive got alot of that to do. just think. and maybe do something for a change. take some action rishik. " be a MAN san jay!, be a MAN". hahah. rights. whatever. i feel low and gloomy.


i need more happy songs in my life. think ill go buy some tonighht...


ill just call... life is too short. good night.

sigh... days fly too fast

omg. days fly toooo dam fast. im giivng up slowly. or so i told myself. screw it all. and then a day like this comes, and turns it all around. wow. talka bout sweet.


so nglish prelims went DAM well. haha. i swear. my hopes are up. i need this top in level. i need this confrimation. too many times have i been beaten by bryan C. yeahs. sigh. i need this one. and guitar playing! WOW. who would have guessed how much i could improve in one day. wow. feels good. feels fun, to be able to play more decently than before. and thnaks to jonny of course for tuning it. and arthus for re-tunin it. ahha. and we were playing and not eating, until add maths. and i completed the paper! like wow. i think i nailed that one! ADD MATHS too.. omg. how did that happen. feels good. wow. my hopes are up again. after that, justin, ben mao, ben ow alfred and arthus and I stayed back playing the guitar till like 4 sumthing. and finally we went to parkway KFC for lunch. ahha. and when arthur left to meet his darling, and ben ow, mao, alfred and I were left, we stayed there and talked... non-stop. was really fun. i never laughed so hard in so long. we were all joking, and crapping, and wow. was dam fun. thats all ic an say. ahha. matrc later joined us, followed by kash, nadia and de wei. then the mao, ow and alf left. so it was just, nadia, de wei, (jasvir then came), kash, marc and later yings. and we ate at fish and co. haha. wow. and we really had fun.

after all that i paid 45 bucks for bee hoon. ahha. wow. fuck. i need to get my change back from de wei tomorrow. and yeah. we walked around. and i talked to yings. and she was sweet. but yeah. anyways, went home with kash, until bedok mrt. he seemed to sense i was feeling bad, or troubled. haha. and, it was a perfect day i mean.... except...

it could have been more perfect. was just missing you in it. sigh. and i miss you. and tomorrow is the debates. need to prep myself up for that. we need to win. we have to. sigh. selvam, jas and myself. hope i dotn screw it up. yeaps. 80s rock bands have too high pitched voices. wah lao.
hahas. guess what. i lived through the eighties! haha. thats how old i am. beat that.


sigh. good nigth. see you tomorrow. when love and hate collide.

words are broken

hellos. haha. omg! e maths was shit easy! hahas. bite that. of course i left both my calculators in class. hope its still there. its dam fucked. seeing as how one is a new calculator i bought this morning. and as tomorrow is my add maths prelims tomorrow. ahha. the guys are goign out tomorrow for dinner together. we have really clicked well together. so weird. yet so fun. sighs.

tomorrow is bryan C's prize giving. and RI vs SCGS. two pretty good debating schools. very good strategy when it comes to pissing off their competitors. for that, kudos to them. and of course bryan C will be in the wonderful ALL STAR team st pats will be going up against. this saturday at kampung ubi CC, which marco, jas, selvam and i will have to rush too after our e maths paper II on saturday. and there ill be meeting the SECDC gang once again.haha. they are eveywhere arnt they? not like its a bad thing. in fact, far from that. they are some of the better friends i have these days.

like yesterday. ahha. was my birthday and de wei and ying could 'sense' i was depresed or whatever. yeah right. anyway, de wei and jas brought me for lunch. haha. was pretty fun. later that day i returned to school for night study and then went for supper with me mom and sis. sis then brought me for a ride around the estate. and that was fun. ahha. illegal but fun. isghs


todays... english summary workshop was a waste of my time! i swear! ghaha. and she had this dam cool philipino accent. so after that came home, and went to kenny rogers for my belated birthday dinner. though i really cant be bothered.


There is one thing i hate. self proclmation. like the GM. ahha. marc should know what im talking about. and yeah i hate that. so no parties. no celebration. no fuss. just the way it should be. yeaps. sweetness. and quiet. which is why i pray that tomorrow dinner is NOT a make-up birthday dinner, but just a normal dinner. a normal gatheirng of friends. which was what it was meant to be, i mean. yeahs. tomorrow. oooh, tomorrow! guitar day! hahah. like how cool is that. mao, alfed, Jonny r(eu)ben, don, and arthur and myself should be bringing. yah. good way to spend time. between the add maths mock prelims and the real english prelims. yeahs. oh thanks, chris and jeremy for the birthday gift. real nice of you guys. and of course dora for the early gift. haha. thanks. reaaal sweet.. i swear. well i better sleep tonight.


and newsletter IS a CCA. haha. we live on! just let me finish my last two articles. yeaps.

good night all. im off.

music is the name of the day

today was all about music. no it wasnt. but pretty much. from morning duty when i learnt to play collide on ansel's guitar. and some other song which involved G, D and C... haha. yeahs. i had no lunch today. so was pretty screwed. coudlnt really concentrate during physics gcp... but was pretty On during chem as usual. rushed to aunty eunice's house fer music. and i got my results back from my greade 5 theory! SHIT! i did Daaaam badly. 88/100! SHIT! thats like 2 marks away from my distinction!!! WHY!! sigh....


oha nd get this. aunty eunice suggested i take jazz piano... as an exam! like wow. this is exactly what i want! i am so goign to do that after my grade 6 piano.. sigh. learning jazz chords, and jazz scales.... and wow. that's gonna be so dam cool.

then she talked to me alot about history of piano. and that was sooo coool. i swear. wish i had more lessons like that. where you learn the history of music. wow.

one hour i was out of the debates next thng i know, back in. screwed up, crap. sigh.


in the words of mr gill after laurel tried to explain why his homework was not passed up: "absence does not make the heart grow fonder".. does it. bleah. bish. ill just wait, i guess... what else can i do..

password please...

school survey...rights. so in cpa lab now. dam what.... yeahs... ims crewing up in add maths alot these days. crappy. and mr tan said my physics was actually quite good today. like.. WOW. i swear. i never knew... to me physics was always the worse science. wow. and this is really quite something. so...


today was first day without duties. haha. its really prety normal. nothing much. joshua lee has taken over me as secretary. need to tutor him. ahhas. whatever. bring me guitar to school on thursday. so jonny can tune it. Oh. thrusday.... brrr. e maths mock prelims and english summary workshop. friday being the add maths mock prelims. and saturday being the e matsh mock prelims paper II AND debates. so tehre's a clash there. not good. nope. not quite sure how im gonna handle that. and today i got piano class. so its no night study for me. sigh. which makes me think...thursday. not much chance to play the guitar besides recess.. oh well. better than nothing.


gonna play internte chess now with jeremy. good night.

What the hell is goign on

Sigh. they say when ur in love, its dam obvious. Okay, so maybe Benow said that. ahha. but what the fuck is love anyway. is it soemthign you fall into. its not nice to fall. sigh... its not just benow. selvam was going "dude...i dont know you when your all love doveya nd shit" ahha. whatever lah. im not in love. dotn disturb me... i need tot hink.. sighh. and ic ant seem to think of anything else. or anyone else for that matter.



gaaawd.... fuck lah. prefects finally ended. talka bout bitter sweet. sec threes ended bitter sweet i think. all in the open. yeahs. and justin thio... wah! i feel dam bad. i swear. never meant to single him out. and i swear i feel like sucha bastard. waaah.... well its over now.

after shcool,a fter the meeting, joshua lim and i went to siglap macs, went back to school, whjere i knocked off. on the couch. for like a whole hour. bleah. woke up, tried to study bio. did up to chapte 10. went home. and sigh. yeahs....


we are all humans. we all have the value within us. that power to change. to make a change. like how we can have a negative impact on one life, and appear to be okay to someone else. how flip sided we truly are. our nature. or maybe thats just me. im tired.


tomorrow is tuesday. no shit. the moon was SO BEAUTIFUL today! iswear. it was low, orange, cpartially cloudy and big! and OMG! IT WAS heavenly.... sigh.



marky has my Dc CD. haha. gtg. this staurday is my debates. need to iron my unifrom.

thanks guys.

its not hard to fall

shalala. so lets see. firday. haha. whata greta day. i dunno why. just felt it. good. sweet stuff was coming. it was a full moon too! haha. michael would credit that on me being a wearewolf. haha. whatever. marc is a devilboy and theodore is a gremlin. but thats another story. ahha.

morning duty i spoke to the sec threes.. my last day with them.. god. this is dam sad... im finally stepping down. wow. after four years. from junior, to senior, to exco to assistant head. This is it. the end comes. wow... morning duty i hung out at the late comer's duty at KC gate. sighed, and rested and watched. was funny. espceially when the three 5N boys walked past us, and all the prefects did nothing, cause we already knew their names.. and the sec 1 junior prefect said. "register numbe rplease". ahha. teh 5n boys stopped stared at him,a nd we all started laughing. prefects and all. was pretty funny. haha. yeas.


yeahs. school was good. jeremy and i were being super sarcastic tot he point si chung pushed jeremy. ahha. his table chair and all fell! hahahah. tehn miss teo scolded both of them. i learnt abit. night study was cool. sigh. i was goalie for street soccer and we won 2-1. sigh. i dont knwow hy. but ir eally liekd friday. oh yeah. alfred, ben mao, benow, clarence, nicholas gn, jeremy me, and at least 1/3 teh class went to macs for lunch. and there we met annurhsah's bf and gang. and they pulled me out to asked me why i called her a slut. liek wtf. haha. whatver. was dam funny, i felt. twenty guys on both side. haha. 4E1 and 3N. pretty cool. ahha. thena s benow commented "Rishik, dont be scared. looka t us. 8/10 of us here are tsdent leaders. they laid a finger on you, wah....at least 9 of us right.... would have dissapeared" ahhaha. was pretty funny. sigh. felt so surrreal.

today was good too. hand down is stuck in my head. its a great song. wen out with mom and dad to have lunch at TM. went home, and then went to meet nadia at pasirr is mrt. then we met marc. and tehn we met de wei and mei wen. and tehn we met yings. ahha. Together we form Moen Nashiko! hahaha. and we are all in the 'IN' gang. studied add matsh with de wei. went hoema fter that with him. yeahs. sigh.

i dont friend luck. he doenst like me very much. sigh. i miss you.

50 km seems pretty far

but we got trains, and planes and cars...id walk to you if i had no other way. sigh. haha. the high from last night lives on. i really ought to shower, freshen up and all. haha. i rushed out cause i had piano class this morning and was..kinda late. ahhas. oh well. anyways now im gonna freshen up, read chem till lunch time. probably play around on the pinao and relax till 5 where i meet yings, de wei, marky, nadia and rishik for 'night study'. hahas. ill be back to update on what happeneded yesterday sooner than later. so byes. OH. and the song. ill finish that when i return.

haha.

whata joke today has beeen. morning duty, "register number please". the sacrasm thingy. the jeremy falling down. tamil class. prefecst duty. goign out to macs for lunch. coming back from macs. miss teo's lesson. my phoen being on loud mode. five nieghbours waving to me and syaing hi(a new record), oh i even wrote a song! haha. whata great day. haha. played soccer after shcool and won. felt good. sighs. to top this off, i just need to go for night study now, learn something, come home finish this entry, and go midnight skating. sigh. that will so kickass.

you guys rock my world. sigh. im high.

I dont want it to end,
before it has even begun.
I dont wanna run out of words
before this song is sung.
I dont wanna scare you dear,
by rushing it too fast.
I dont wnna admit i miss you,
but now i feel so lost.

As I'm drawing up images of you in my mind
And i;m facing up to tets results and it says im doing fine
But I just aint getting my As like i used to
No, im drawing blank, feels like I'm being split into two

Girl its because of you
I know you didnt mean it to.
But seems to me, every word you say
just robs my breathe away.
Please teache me not to think too much
to act on impulse if i must.
but firstly, help me varify,
if this guess of mine, be true.

Guitar solo. ill be back guys. to finish typing the second and third verses. haha. tatta.

running away....

Am i down cause i disnt say anything. did i not say anythign cause iw as down. is it a bit of both. sigh. i complicate my own life. on the topic of complexity again. sighs....

ever get that feeling? when you felt lost for words. when that regret sinks in from not saying anything. from lacking he right words to express yourself. from waiting too long, and ending up not saying anything at all. ever get that feeling? when you finally run out of words.. when you get scarred that she will lose interets in you. that your playing on your final cards. before your all out, and there is no where else to go. when everything is said. and there is nothing left to talk about. i hate to think about that. sigh. wish that day never comes. ever. you know what im talking bout. haha. sighs.

obsession with a major.as in 'A' major.

yeha yeahs. i need to study more. dont even know what i do online soemtimes. sighs. shalala.

piano class this saturday. sweetness. english prelims next friday. wish there was no school. id get more studying done that way. haha. sighs.

for lack or words to say. words to say to you. to keep you intrested in me. to keep ur attention. for my tiredness and stress. for my fumbling incoherence of my language tehse days... ill just post a song. not my own, but from a band. cause i cant write songs now. im tired, and illeterate. sighs.

Hey there Delilah,
What’s it like in New York City?
I’m a thousand mile away,
But girl tonight you look so pretty,
Yes you do,
Time Square can’t shine as bright as you,
I swear it’s true.
Hey there Delilah,
Don’t you worry about the distance,
I’m right there if you get lonely,
Give this song another listen,
Close your eyes,
Listen to my voice it’s my disguise,
I’m by your side.

Oh it’s what you do to me,
Oh it’s what you do to me,
Oh it’s what you do to me,
Oh it’s what you do to me,
What you do to me.

Hey there Delilah,
I know times are getting hard,
But just believe me girl some day,
I'll pay the bills with this guitar,
We'll have it good,
We'll have the life we knew we would,
My word is good.
Hey there Delilah,
I’ve got so much left to say,
If every simple song I wrote to you,
Would take your breath away,
I’d write it all,
Even more in love with me you’d fall,
We’d have it all.

*chorus*

A thousand miles seems pretty far,
But they’ve got planes and trains and cars,
I’d walk to you if I had no other way,
Our friends would all make fun of us,
And we'll just laugh along because,
We know that none of them have felt this way,
Delilah I can promise you,
That by the time that we get through,
The world will never ever be the same,
And you’re to blame.
Hey there Delilah you be good,
And don’t you miss me,
Two more years and you’ll be done with school,
And I'll be making history,
Like I do,
You’ll know it's all because of you,
We can do whatever we want to,
Hey there Delilah here's to you,
This one’s for you.
*chorus*

this is where i say ive had enough

ahhh. what is worng with me. i gets o stressed thinking...but its the things im supposed to think about at this time. like where am i going in the future. what will life do to me. where do i go. vJC? but why!? is it cause ots good. is it cause it near. teh environment?? what is it. bleaa. than that idea came again. the scenarios. a big fish in a small pond. or a small fish in a big pond. where do i want to be....


WHY VJ! then the otehr questions that come so hauntingly. that make me kick myself in wonder. fickle. over stressed. bleah. here is the part where rishik start jabbering. who is my click?? where will i end up?? where do i belong?? who am I?? what am i suppsoed to be?? who do i want to be.. awww.

the bets advise ever: let it come. handle it when it does. sigh. i guess i will. take a breather now. sighs.

hey there delilah by plain white 't's is a real nice song. sigh. sooo nice.

c, g, e-e.c, g, e-e. c, g, e-e, g, c.

wow. talk about making a full use of a day. and not quite full use of chem practical time. ahha. but hey, im dam proud of that. and nothing can take that away from me. hahas.

morning woke up to the sweetest voice. and the most maudlin mom in the world. haha. anyways, shcool seemed pretty normal. everything was so...normal. oh yeah! i nearly forgot boutt he sec threes this morning. ahha. dam funny. we were the only batch sititng down. so we were sititng down and they were asking me quetsions. think we can keep that up. they were surprisingly more quiet. and attentive.

sigh. day started with history test. followed by physics class where i was aksing alot of questions. and mr tan refused to answer some. haha. matsh was good. miss teo is a dam nice tecaher vy the way. as in daam nice. did i tell you about the lunhc incident. and like even last night during ngith study, she would help us with our problems. yeahs. anyway we had english test todya.. and ss decontextualized sbq test. haha. then immediately afetr that chem lab test. which i got prefect answers. haha. yay. and i finished half an hour before everyone else. sweet. so i met up with soem of the orla boys and chatted with them. then stood outside 4e1 talking to jutsin for quite a long time. bfore mr tan and the rest came for physics gcp. and immeidately after that, arthur nicholas and i wen to macs for 'dinner'. and after that i returned to shcool fer ngith study, wher ei struggled iwth physics and add maths. bleah. i need lots of practise in those two. bleah. immediately after i stepped out of shcool my dad was there, picked me up dorve m to bedok food centre to buy my dinner, satays and all, and drove me home. and here i am eating, typing after my shower. sigh. busy day.

"my". fist person possesive adjective. to indicate the relation or possesion of the latter to the speaker. sigh. yet strangley touching and sweet. i need to sleep now. sigh.

ill see you tomorrow then. figuratively....duh.

then there was the key

i got the prefects room key. ahha. yipee. by accident of course.

so i wake up this morning, tunr on the lights, fan and radio, get out of bed, open the door, and lt out a shout. there was a big mass of darkness there. it was like a blurry vision of a black shirt. or really reflective bunch of hair. it was actually the shock of someone being in fornt of my door when i opened the door that made me shout. but when it finally dawned on me, that it was not someone... and teh fact that it vanished after 5 seocnds of me staring at its nothing ness, not quite reflective not quite transparent form, i got pretty creeped. haha. oh well. whatever.

went to school as per normal.. everythign went normally. for pe i had to clean up the pe store...seeing as how i didnt bring my pe clothes. haha. shcool was okay from then on. nothing out of the ordinary. bleah. after shcool went fer mass and then i had lunch with kyle and matthew and then went home with kyle and ricardo. haha. yess. later ill be gettung ready to go for night study and hopefully meet marc. yeaps.

tadadad. need to be off now. see ya later....

later tonight, ill explain to you, the middle age child syndrome. and the truth of singaporean journalism. haha. good night.

i just wanna dance with you

shalalala. good morning.... sigh. its already one. and i wanna sleep!!! bleah.

getting away with murder is a nice song. screw you msn. sigh. lets see what should i talk about today?

lets have the standard daily recount which plagues most blogs today. Yesterday, i started typing out the minutes for the meeting of this year. talk about last minute work. im still typing it right now even. anywyas as planned i met jeremy during his flag day. had lunch with him and bryan c. haha. i then left them to drown myself in kinokuniya. sigh, that place rocks.bought a book. diana wynne jones. anyways, met up with jeremy later and also alex, who ALSO was doing his flag day apparently and we studied at orchard library. was good for me. add maths. bleah.

went home, typd more minutes, got ready and met up with vicnan'nna and kartika'kka fer priscilla'lla's birthday. naren'nna and puvan'nna were there and all. party was fun. i was taking pictures. yeahs. sis looked pissed. anyway around 11 hitched a rde home from puvan'nna and we bought chips and coke! haha. watched mean girls, and Kevin gnapoor, i repeat, Kevin G, does NOT look like me. like... noO. after that, me and vicnan'nna stayed up teh whole morning till like 6 when he had to walk home. and i slept. heh. never got to make the call i wanted to make. and that brings us to this morning.

i was forced out of my bed cause the part time maid came, and my whoel family was annoying me. bleha. the rain was lovely though. beautiful winds. sigh. now my sis has gone for her 'duul' show in SP, and im gonna finish my minutes... play piano... which reminds me! piano class was canceleld yesterday cause aunty eunice was sick. sigh. anyways, as i was saying, im gonna play piano and... try and do some physics. bleah.

"rishik menon, your dam fucking mean lah"... amazing isnt it. the power we have to make people cry. without even thinking twice. sigh. whatever. i got my friends. i got my writings. im sorry you feel that way.


shalala. "i wanna give you...whatever you need...what is it you need. is it what i need? i wanna give you...whatever you need...what is it you need...is it within me."

happy holidays everybody.

down around me, in my eyes.

shalala. im awake, right now. sigh. family gathering for priscilla'kka' s birthday was cool. considering it was perimma's and perrippa's birthday. haha. i was photographer. bleah. today i learn that raja mama knows nicholas han somehow. haha. weirdness. anyways i have inspiration for another song. sigh. these days inspiration comes so easily. and i have one person to thank. sigh.

tomorrows is the real party. same bungalow. so fun. sigh. meeting jeremy at CK tang to do add maths. as he does his flag day. haha. i want to do work. and go for loong walk int he park. yes. walk. not in the mood to study.

I'll always be dreaming of you

no, not you. you. yeah thats right. you. haha.

On two matter at hand today. which span across two days. which as i type we slowly expand to more matters and, subsequently more days. sigh. I talked slow. and i rocked! yes! i wasnt aggresive. i wasnt pushy. i was natural. and it rocked. haha. it only i can keep it up tomorrow for my O levels. haha. time flies. sweet sweet time. but not just for that. i plan tot alk like that in all that i do from now on. my mom commented that i spoke like my bro.
which left me.... "uh huh...."

english gcp today... which was basically wasting time downstairs with the eldds boys. yeahs. mrs leslie took photo with us in the end. but she looked the class! which meant running around looking for copral tan and the master key, to get my bag and blazer and scout U. sigh. so in case you have not figured out by now, today was photo tkaing day. for most of the ccas. except cricket. which me and kyle missed. haha. oh wells. thats past. sigh.

national day night i went boreders and got me two cds. yay. haha. ben jelen and swiss army romance by DC. is really nice. yeah. missed the firworks though. heard it was really sweet. alas. there is always next year. sigh.

wednesday! so anyways, i woke up. met up with the kylenator, and we made our way to city hall where we met jasvir, shank**(cause i still dont know how to spell his name) and ben mao. and de wei. and you know.. the rest. haha. was listening to swiss army romance on my discman. so one hour later. we were still walking to esplanade, taking random pictures and wasting alot of time. so much for studying. ahha. an di was getting hungry. so i left the esplanade roof garden and met dora and berna at BK. and no, i didnt have lunch there. haha. dam queue. so after a short while there, i re-united with kyle and we went to alex's birthday. haha. dam funny. wqe watched kill bill and jackass. fought with water bombs. ate pizza, chicken, and stuff. played on his ps. and yeah i went home. with kyle again. i really owe him alot fer all the cab rides. yeahs. i realise add maths sucks.. totally. thursday morning was cool. sigh. thursday. one day away from english orals. two days from national day. something was in the air in thursday. and it pissed me off. sigh. photo shoots and akll. chem lab and all. rnning bakc and forth. changing from one unifrom to another. brekaing into one classroom to coming late for another,a nd going for lunch during e maths GCP and not doing add maths homework, and borrowing ivan reddy's and dannel george's shoes, and talking crap witht he eldds boys to perfecting the art of talking slowly with ,mrs leslie... it was good. yet not right. sigh. i dunno. yesterday night was a total bummer. went with my parents to top uop my ez link card. and bloody hell. ended up eating there, goingt shopping at guardian and popular and who knows where. i WANTED to go HOME. waaah. was dam frustrating. to think all that for some dumb ez link card. that spoiled my night basically. and that brings us to fridaaay. sigh...

English orals. if i could keep up the performance i did last night, which my mom deemed worthy of comparing me to my brother, it was in the bag for me. full marks...
oooh, please, be true. and they did say good. that has to count for soemthing. sigh. i can only pray now. so much homework to do. and considering the fact i knocked of early last night, that didnt help. man. tonight there is some play by sharon's TPJC grop. which im not going fro. as well as priscilla'kka birthday. ill write her the letter. and my sister will make it. we make a great team in terms of home made presents. haha. anyways tomorrow is the friend's party. yay.which means all the cousins will be going. sweet. thinking of priscilla'kka i remember some advise she gave m once. When you meet a girl, you tell her she looks good on the day itself. not a day or two later. nope. its apparently very annoying. haha. and i am very often guilty of that. sigh. mayb i should do that next time. tomorrow is my piano class.. sweet. finally too. afte rll my practise.i need an audience.

running.

Your love to who, is like violets are blue?

An ode on national day

give this song a chance.

Life sucks. yes its fucked.
And the scent of cigarettes, from last night, its still here,
yes its stuck.
Oh fuck. All the time.
I get restless, and hopeless and bothered by what's resting
on my mind.
On my mind. "Please be mine"
Not quite. what i wanna say, but better than what i
can think of anyway, at this time.
*Drums enter*
Its nota crime.
to have dreams, and to be scared that some day they
will be crushed. so fine.
not this time.
I cant say anything, only pray that eveyrthing
will be fine.
Life's fucked. just my luck.
And I cry. For some life.
to be given back to me, a little human dignity and
i strive.
yes I strive.
Its getting darker cant you see, and this news is killing me
like a knife.
(Oh life). I take my knife.
I press down onto my neck, the feeling chilling, the feeling red
and its life. oh sweet life.
It is lost, what can i say, not my fault it ends this way.
that life sucks. Yes life sucks.... Yes its fucked.....Yes life sucks(fades)

its meant to be stacato and slow. with breaks between most snetences.

life sux

"Come on. come on. put your hands into the fire"... sigh. creepy song. "its gonna be a lonely, loney , lonely, lonely day." a depressing song. "You got to work to feed your soul, but i cant do this all on my own. oh i know i'm no superman." that's just a ....rishik song. sigh.

I'm no superman is a really reflective song for times like this. when i get depressed for no god dam reason. when life just overwhelms me. when things happen so fast, you just want to scream STOP. but it wont. it keeps going. and more things happen and the feelings mix and accumilate and mess you around. sigh. i want to be superman. i want to save people. i want to help them. but how can i, when they dont want my help. sigh. one image that has captivated me alot was this scene from constantine. when this guy is dying in the supermarket. and constantine is talking about the angels and demons that walk this earth. and then as the store tender was leaning down beside the dying guy you could see the store mender's wings sprout. i was inspired by that scene. how quiet the angel was. how he did good. how he made the world a better place in his small deeds. i wanted to be an angel.

But i will never be one. cause i am just too loud. i am too much of a politician. a open kinda person. when i feel strongly about a cause i will preach it, and lecture about it. not quietly at all. I am a prefect. i want to report things. i want to revolutianise. i want to make a differnece. a loud one. and i want to be remembered, thats what i want to do in life. report what is happening in this sick sad world today. and hopefully in educating, make a difference. or more than just report. join politics. change the world. kill poverty. stop wars. bring peace. and i dunno lah. why i am saying all this. there is just this growing. and growing. and growing disatissfaction in me. I am not doing enough. not doing enough community service. not doing enough school work. not spending enough time with my friends and family. not working hard enough on my piano. gaaah.

i am not content. i am sickened with life. i am sick of so much. god. GOD. in the words of the taxi driver: "Dam fuckers. deserve to fucking die."

go to my links and read the lyrics for "superman" by lazlo bane. maybe I shoudl do that. should help me. but this is so different. this is so different.


you see, in the past whenever i was depressed. whenever i was pissed, it was with myself. it was somehting which i could change and handle. i could listen to music. i could read books. i could read my testimonials on friendster (and that always cheered me up). but when the matter at hand no longer concerns you. you become helpless. and thats when you get REALLY trapped. sigh. rishik thinks too much.

Feelings, insincere

Today i felt down for no reason. sigh. be right back. watching a pot boil. haha.

right backs. so here is my plan. to be as friendly as possible. no need to be smart. no need to be cool. no need to be funny. no need to be anything. just plain friendly. and i was goign to say natural, causal and friendly but somehting just hit me. thats not natural. whats natural for me might not be natural for someone else. and now, im just not making sense. sigh... fluffy coffee, fluffly dogs and a piano player in the background. yeasss. sigh.

yesterday was a screwed up day. sigh. thank god for those smses to keep me going. bleah. Smses. Messages on friendster. even a phone call. These are the small acts by friends that keeps us goin in this bitch called life. We all got hrough shit. and it no point keeping it in. we need to tel someone. we cant hold it in. its only natural. we are all kids i mean. we have to confide. cause life is gonna suck alot if you hold it in. and sometimes just eating chocolates doesnt help. haha. my point? My message to all my fellow teens out there: SHARE your problems. we are all there for each other. and when we share, we relate to each other and we in fact strenghten friendships. yeap.

so i watched anniyan. omg... no comment for now. ill get back to that later.

today's national day celebratiosn were okays. i was supposed to relfect what i wanted for singapore. and then the mike screwed. oh wells. ahha. peter and chee keong were nice. they let me hang backstage while they tried to fix the mike. haha. anyways, syf was kinda disaster due to bad technology. and ben mao's rendition of collide accompnied by alfred and jonny. amazing. haha. was really dam nice. kubo's re spotted girrafes got first with kyle's moondance earning him runner up place. after the whole thing, kyle, slevam jas and myself came back to my house to change and all. then selvam, jas and me went to the seCDC thingy fer some meeting. hha.

gotta go have dinner now. be right back ya'll.

sigh. rights, the cdc thingy. haha. they wrote of bryan C's name and replaced it with mine. though bryan still wants to be in last time i checked. and i became ying;s girlfriend. haha. yay? and yeah, was fun lah. and cheyenne wasnt there. nope she wasnt.

after the thing, went to the station with michelle and shankir. or shankar, or shanker. whatever lah. he had cool piercings. i waant. ahha. ive decided already. a tatoo on my back. two peircings on my ear. one on my tongue one on my eye brow. haha. yeaps. and im gonna get my eyebrows threaded. ahhahaha. riiight.

dinner was good. tomorow ill be studying with zenn. yeahs. not cheyenne. and nadia has got all the pics from lats friday's pesa thingy and today's meeting thingy. which cheyenne didnt go for. not her.

so i really dont see how i can blog about you, when you arnt there... haha. kay, fine you were there last friday for the debates. yay. haha. i want my fluffy coffee. with marshmellows...


more studying less blogging. expect that. so long.

another piece for another piece

Monday morning, it is early.
Answer the ringing of the phone.
We talk of love life and its mysteries.
We talk, we know we arnt alone.
I tell you "misery seeks company"
You whisper back "you won't go wrong"...

I see the moon and I start
dreaming of your face.
Of that sweet melancholic voice. and
rarely will I ever get to meet
again. such an angel of such poise.

So I make my wish. Upon these clouds.
I pray, that all. Will work somehow.
And these dreamy hopes, are killing me.
Why can't I just accept? what everyone sees.

Friday lunch time i get hungry.
Flip through my wallet for some change.
I hesitate as choices irk me.
memories of mistakes ive made.
As past ghosts come so hauntingly.
This is the part, I wish it rains.

i pick up my pen,
and I can only scribble your name.
Little else can get me by.
Another day, another gloomy awkward
stage. Turned around by a mere "hi"

So i make my wish. upon these clouds.
I pray that all. will work somehow.
And these dreamy hopes, are killing me.
Why can't i just accept. what everyone sees.

So i make my wish. upon these clouds.
I pray that all. will work somehow.
And these dreamy hopes, are killing me.
Why can't i just accept. what everyone sees.

In an earlier round.

haha. we went down in an earlier round. and sugar were goign down swinging. ahha. that so fits with my moto. if we go down we go down with style. with our heads held up. "knock me down ill keep on moving" as the song says. its the art of losing. ahha. the art of having fun. the art of changing your life around when your down. the art of living.


i was looking forward to friday since... last week i think. and yestrday i did have fun. and thats whats important. the fun we had. the closeness and networking of friends. the chance to meet. relax. and have fun. sigh. and what a great morning this is too. relaxed. quiet. calm. which is what life i all about. some parts have to be peaceful. some parts for reflecting. soem parts for having fun. sigh. but the most important thing of all. is to never let small things get you down. like losing the debates. ist not important. whats importnat is that we gave our all. and i did that for the second round. and frankly speaking i could not have been more proud of myself. yesh. hahas. so jasvir. we did what had to be done. and it doesn matter we lost. in fact i must admit i find t pretty amusing. sigh. some thing we just need to let go. like that scgs girl. let go of her. no point holding grudegs i mean. and im saying this to myself more than anything. sighs. haha.

friends are not necessarily people that are always there for you. no, thats a suicide hotline. friends are special people. who mean something to you. who you can relate to. who you can share with. who can talk to you. who can be quiet with you. they are people like marc. zenn. selvam, jas. ben ow, mao. alfred. kyle. dora. and the list really does go on and on. and on and on. you guys know who you are. paveena, sexy, de wei... nicole, chartchee.... crecent girl debators. haha. in your own ways. you guys have made an impact in my life. and that is life. and that is the small world we live in today. that isolate example of Singapore. sigh.

thanks for the music scores and the early birthday present. wow. i swear, thats like the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. the enxt best being , marc's christmas present last year. yeah. haha.

wednesday, i got alex's birthday party to go for. haha. yay. well, it seems kinda pointless listing out the details of what happened last night. for that read other people's blog. i'm just in the mood to write, reflect and enjoy life.. for this moment. homeowork, studying, o level preparations can be done later... haha. yay.

take a step back. breathe in. and exit.

This is what i'll say....

whisper it in my mouth. haha. truly find that so dam cool. today was a cool day.

talk about sumatras. as said by dev. and a really intretsing geog lesson, that i must say is REALLY intresting. you just nver can get enough information. sigh. morning we got our cca certs. mine was a1 but im still not satisfied till eveyrhtign get refelcted. sadly sow ill evryone else, and this will cause me to be staying back after shcool tomorrow to update tehs ec4 scouts ccas. sigh. or maye ill just screw that. sigh. syf rehearsal tomorrow. like today. today was kinda fun. haha. took a ride home in kyle's car. haha. pimples... like wtf. nvm, ill save that story for another day.

debates are tomorrow. and im sure we are gonna rock them. ahha. its the same story for the SEF Geog Forum. If we are gonna lose,we are gonna lose with style. and man i feel dam confidenr and full out on making an impression. except this time. bryan and jas are SUPER conent about winning the whole thing. all the wya to the finals. ahha. which of course is an upperhand.

probably skipping syf tomorrow to practise and work on this. which means i will skip add matsh gcp yesterday and e matsh gcp today. sigh. and i have totlaly forsaken any homework. scarry. hope i dont get into any trouble tomorrow. sigh.

monday ill be talking in front of the whole school about what i want fer singapore. gotta prepare that speech then. yeahs. sighs.

yesterday when zenn cameover. that really set em thinking. and im clear now. i know what must be donw. im gonna do this. three more months. two weeks. i can do this. i CAN do this.


tomorrow debates and pesa dinner. life really IS good, when you think about it. it is... and to think if i made the choice not to go on marc's pesa day how different it would be now. it would have been VERY different. yes. sigh. luke came to school today. haha. some foreign exchange guy. cool.

goodnight. see you tomorrow. like someone once said. its not bye. its see you later.

so there is three

haha. there i stood on stage. yeah. ahha. then i jumoed off stage with kyle as we ran to get our pics taken in the cricket photo. and jumped back on stage to hear who won. and jumped back off after my team won and ran to the foyer. and car porch. to find taht we just missed the photo. sigh. then marc came down with our bags, which was really nice of him. he was emcee and he did a great job at that too. haha. really natural and comfortable. so, we won first prize which we will collect after school. we being jeremy, who was sick yesterday, christopher who was really funny at the quiz and bryan cheang who is in the debates with me. teh debates which are this friday before the pesa dinner. which i will be bring my blazer for. which i lent bryan the book on facts today. to help him. and speaking of blazers the sec 3s got theirs yesterday. they nichoals lai and han and jared will be going to anglican tomorrow. wearing it. and tkgs investiture was last thrusday. i i didnt go. and maryam messaged me. and now yaw khong is talking about some bedok town invetsiture which i cant care for. anyways after school today, i was supposed to have a prefects meeting. whcih was postponed to tomorroww due to gCP. and the scouts photo shoot was also postponed. and my mom drove to school just to gimme my uniform which i forgot in the morning. cause i woke up late. and my phone wasnt by my side. and after ss gcp i passed mr gill the document. for the what iw ant for singapore thingy. which annurhsah just messaged me to tell me there is some thign goign on at marina bay. and im now thinking of beaches and ice cream but for different reasons. and sigh. life just gets over my head. so many htings. so fast. just like that. so fast.


meeting zeen to study chem today. meeting pete to study chem tomorrow. chema nd english. my only hope. sigh. i wish i could fast forward time. as well as slow it. down. some people will know what im tlaking about. mom's buying dinner for me now. i love her so. sigh.


tomorrow is thursday. wanna get the os over and done with. wanna just finsh it. but yet. i want to do well. i dont want to screw it up. too much at stake. way too much. VJC. sigh. heaven is the moment.

ill be off now. ciaos.

Am i more than you bargained for

hey heys. three dyas fly by fast. so here's the jist of things. saturday was debate meeting with bryan and jas. was good. we got propo pretty down packed. in fact right now im supposed to be typing out my poitns right now for oppo. cool. apparently stc will be taking aprt after all. haha. i CANNOT wait for this friday. debates and pesa dinner!...wee.. kay, i shoud not get excited. its, not appropriate. ahha. yes. my sis and mom went to m'sia on saturday. cool. haha. funny.

sunday i bought breakfast fer me family. cooked lunch, and then after that me sis and meself went to edgewater tos tudy.. ahha. slept more than anything. but was still fun. haha. the part time maid came over. she was friendly. sudnay night i finished one more sng. yay.

mondya school was good. ahha. mock debates as i thought got postponed. sorry to the broadrcik debaters...and ying. hahah. i swear. i didnt know you would come! haha. makes me feel kinda guilty. but then again, i did nothing wrong. haha. blea- prefects exco.. more discussion continues. and theodore had this dam werid idea, that i didnt like at all. but whatever. me and marc ahd basically the same ideas for the exco. theodore has soemthing totallu differnet in mind, and chris is undecied. ahha. school today was fun. ss, e maths, and all. and englisha nd the suicide bombing thing. marc, bryan and myself were the 'judges'. haha. yay. after school had the good talk by bro paul. was funny to see all the ol boys come back. daryl chee, jelani, graham, nichoals ho, terrance wah, darrenkane and ivan tan. ahah. im so goignt o VJ.... just need to study, just the way i am not studying now. ahah. came home with kyle. was nice. ate lunch at 5 sumthing at white sands macs. haha.

haha. so now i got to say, what i wnat singapore to be and present it in fornt of the shcool. so fun. haha. mr gill's baby of course, haha. and now i gotta prepare that, my debates and my physics homework. and study on top of that. haha.

my vision for singapore? The cultural hotspot of singapore. the epitome of art in the east. the home of theatre and music of the region. trhiving with colour and spirit. art and music. life and magic. a stree free world of litertaure and humanities. yes. that is what i see for singapore in the future. that is the singapore iwa nt to be. the singapore i want to live in.