signed sealed delivered.

hey. it is not dead. how can you even suggst that. i live to write. haha. maybe i should then start writing my commentaries. shalala. so many days fly by. so stressed. so confused. so depressed. and so bleah-. Someitmes thats just the ebst word to sum it all up. bleah-. haha. sos... what have i missed out on. DSA! yes. its in. finally. at the final minute of the final day, i walked into VJC's office and passed them my DSA application. ah'. now just to wait for an interview and then for the acceptance. which will take place within 15 days of course. haha. hmmmmm.



now id liekt o apologise to all teh etacher's whose life i made hell the past few years. I'm sorry. And i really appreciate all that youve done for me. Really. Thanks. Speaking of thanks, KYLE! YOU ROCK. I am in your debt like alot. seriously. a real life saver. It was likee evrythingw as against me. time. my printer. my computer. my own doubts. yeap. But hey i ddid. and nowits out of the way. one less thing on my mind.. yeap.



manjusri investiture. ahha. that was fun. yaw khong, michael and myself went. yea. will talk m0re about it ina while.

oh dont you know it

woop tee doo. Its the return of the blogger. haha. The one, the only, Vidyarishik Vijayadas Menon. Haha. and thank god for that too. Haha. The other day me parents were talking about all the different names they wanted to name me. Or my siblings. haha. freaky. They wanted to name my bro siddartha. The name of Buddha. And if they did, I might not be rishik. I already knew that story. Then there was the story of how they wanted to name me Kritik. Haha. But my dad could foresee the lame jokes and puns that would be associated with my name, thus they changed it to rishik. haha. but I little did i know of the story of Senthil.... OMG! i swear, senthil is a dam tamillan name... Anyway my mom's eldest brother in law, wanted that name. Apparently its some version of some god's name, and the three eldest cousins were given other versions of the name: Bala-something, balakumuran, and saravanan. What the hell. Haha. Who knows, what i might have become... *brrrr*. Scary. Oh than they considered naming my sis Vidyarenya. haha. I think that's cool. Oh wells.




So enough off names. Now on the topic of the band North. I swear i dont think that form of rock was heard since the EARLY nineties...At latest. Its dam gay. I swear. The kind of music that plays in the background of b grade action movies from the eighties/nineties period. Yeah. If you have a taste for it... Good for you. I dunno. Its okay lah, and tolerable, if im forced to stay in the same car with you to get a free ride to school; but stilll... Not my style..



Oh no. I have only got one hour of chatting a day. Well this cant be counted of chatting can it?? Neaaah! Oh right. I was supposed to talk of why is rocks to be single and why is sucks leaving homework to the last minute. Haha. yes, yes. Sorry about the last post. It was done under a tight schedule. haha. Why it rocks to be single? go figure. You are free. To study. To go out. To be alone. To talk. To think. To dream. To have not hit the end of life's road so early. To be independent. To choose. To enjoy. Carpe' diem, I say. Life is short. Enjoy it. Why tie yourself up so early? yes. i think ive made my point. haha. now on why muah, should not leave his homework to the last minute. hmmmm. well it was stressful when i thought about it yesterday. But actually today, right here and now i dont feel no pressure... Uhmmm. I really dunnoo. I mean i havent doen english homework yet. I still got two commentaries to write. Plus i got to cut my hair. Not to mention dharvin is returning today. haha. how fun. hmmm. Today I had an exco meeting. dunno if i was too vulgar. Buit i was getting pissed that it was going no where. hmmm. discipline, The sec threes need to be pumped. Soon.... yeap. hope the new regemental style works. Marc said i went for a facial during the hols. ahhaha. ill take whatever compliment i get. and no. i didnt go. hahas. Tomorrow need to do some serious studying. No CCA. hopefully. and wednesday.... Manjusri's investiture. Should I go?? hmmm. Considering it. One two three Secondary. Hhahaha. thats dam funny. i swear.



just got a call from someone asking for justin chan's number.... hahaha. I have no idea who it was..... could be anyone. Im not the kinda guy that will ask who are you.... I think it was devesh though. Yea, i bet it was him.






I like the park. And gardens.... They are the link between whats urban and whats natural. They are the delicate balance which personifies singapore. The carefully placed concrete bench. The strategically planted casuarina. It really gets me to think. Hmmmm. Yeah its official. Parks rock. yay. haha. That makes me a park person and a rainy day person. hmmmm. Mornight.... You know what. Twilight is the time between dusk and dawn... like why didnt i think of that. hahah. and to think i'm in MENSA. bullshit lah.

he who lives in my head

she walks like she dont care.... maria by blondie. maaaan. nice song.



hmmmm. today i shall write about.... the bbq. haha. uhm... why it rocks to be single.... why it sucks to keep homework tot he last minute.... why my dad wont let me use the computer(now included). yay.



dentist was funny. dr. ong. haha. he was like really smiley and botoxed. haha. yes. thats my own word. botoxed. got the idea afte watchign chritsmas witht he kranks last year. thats one great show. ahha. dam stupid. dam easy to laugh. anyways, i MIGHT or MIGHT NOT gte braces. yay.



the bbq was haha. good lah. * claps* . Thast the only way to describe it. good. a job well done. lets se who came... uhm, twas joshua, mikey, sam, shane, kyle, wesley, sma's dog elf, elroy, ignatius, myself, ruishan, jacklyn, terri... yeah thats about all. i think. ahha. pretty fun. josh dug his hole as usual by the time ic ame. nice. they pitched a tent and all, and sam da the fire goign nicely. haha. i have prefected the art of arriving fashionably late. perfect... purrfect. haha. STELLA rocks! youa ll should watch it. when it is released of course. meanwhile go to www.atomfilms.com haha. knock urself out. anyways bbq. what did we do? haha. played strip pocker... played truth or dare. played pocker, blackjack.. cooked food. ran intot he sea for a really short while. yeap. was good. supposed to stay overnight. bloody hell. ended up going to josh's house to sleep. how cheapskate is that. i mean come on! where is the fun in that. haha. we played scrabble and monopoly. I kicked everyone's ass in monopoly. haha. like eveyrone became bankrupt cept for wei jie(who joined us later) and even then i had like 5 times as much cash as him. shane trashed us in scrabble. i tied with kyle. we tehn went to sleep and woke up at like 11. then we played cards and then i shared a cab home with shane. haha. yesh.....




today had lunch at hainan chicken rice. like cool. went to maid agency with parenst where i fell asleep. bleah-. got home... dad wouldnt let me use the com so i just stayed in my room listenign to the radio. fell asleep. haha.

been here too long

oh my god... its thursday. where the fuck did monday to wednesday go.... sigh. the downside of waking up late i guess. alas. nicholas is talking to me on msn about how he plans to use the war against terror to rule the world. sigh. makes you wonder... How exactly do you propose to declare war against an adjective?? Only americans would be ingenuis enough to think of that... sigh. zenn has some great emo songs. The spill canvas.... great lyrics. hmmmm.... i realised i dont like waking up early. its not nice. it give me more time to waste. and i hate watsing time.



dammit... its one song, i can always relate to... sigh. haha. Living in beverly hills is like the only 'new' party song ive heard this whole holidays. shalala. this morning. got up at 7. amazing considering i slept at 12 something. i surprise myself. showered, and left the house before joshua called me. he was supposed to call TO wake me up. i had left over chicken pie for breakfast. yay. i met josh a his house, then his dad drove us to the market. ahha. bought the meat, took a bus back to his house, and started marintaing it. That was fun 'cept for one of the spices. I cant remember which, but it cause both josh and myself to get this burning sensation on our hands, after that. I still have it on my knuckles right now. haha. i met, josh's friend sam, from CCSS. He seems nice. haha. he's dam pro at pool i swear. haha. which was what we did after we were done with food. we went to play pool haha. i lost all matched 'cept one 9 ball game againt sam. dam tyco. perfect allignment, the cue ball, three ball and nine ball. haha. Tyco. after that we all went to eat japanese food. yea. was fun. took the train home. and thee is still so much day left! what am i goign to do! haha. i could play the piano. yeah. thats always fun. Hmmmm. tomorrow morn i got piano class again. Theory... the come afternoon time, i gtg for me dental. ahha. and after THAT i got to go back to east cost for the bbq. heard cass cant come. and after the bbq, saturday morn, and after noon im gonna be following zenn fer his interview. haha. and that leaves me with slightly more than 24 hours to finsh both english and ss homework. ahha. no biggy. nothing to it. dirt fof my shoulder. haha. rightssss.



hmmmm. i want a digital video camera. i want to do documentries. I want to do music videos. i want to do commentries. haha. journalistic inclinations growing stronger. oh by the way, ive decdied what i want to do. ahah. i want a diploma in theatre productions, a basic degree in journalism, a masters in teaching and a PhD in English Lit. haha. yay. i wish. Now i still need to decide what i want to work as. that reminds me. i need to complete the NZ appeal of intrest form thing. hmmm. the sooner the better. I owe my piano teacher 10 bucks.... haha. no comment. absolutely no comments. Thinking of changing my blog. Not the whole layout. just the colour. thinking something more natural. more brownish, greenish, greyish. yeah. haha. man, i love the park. and a beach park. thats a real big bonus.




hmmmm. wish it was mornight. More inspired at that time of the day, between dusk and dawn. goodnight seattle.

Here is more instant

i wrote this while sitting under zenn's block. was a long time since i last went skating. today was a good day to do it again... yeap...


It hurts to be burnt
It hurts when you have learnt
taht everything, and all youve known
comes crashing through the floor
to have hit the rock below the dirt
and felt the flesh get torn.......
(to wish).....that you were never born


Turn off all the lights
before the door bell hears the ring.
Draw up all the curtains
my smoke; suffocating.
My heart dares not beat no more
my fire in my eyes
are dying down to coals, so for
the last time i wont cry.
Cause i know......
and it shows......(that)




It hurts to be burnt
It hurts when you have learnt
taht everything, and all youve known
comes crashing through the floor
to have hit the rock below the dirt
and felt the flesh get torn.......
(to wish).....that you were never born




I welcome you into my room
before my mind starts screaming "No"
Its telling me "dotn be a fool"
oh why do I think so slow
I roll the dice and close eyes
my gamble that i play
is against all ods. This hands half taught
of the innoncence thats at stake
and i know.....
and it shows.........(that)




It hurts to be burnt
It hurts when you have learnt
taht everything, and all youve known
comes crashing through the floor
to have hit the rock below the dirt
and felt the flesh get torn.......
(to wish).....that you were never born........


But I just wontr learn......(No)
I wont give in so easily....(so)
I'll just get burnt again.
Until i finally sense.
that soul that truly sees my show
so until then......Ill just be burnt




tahst it. Its nicer, if you can imagine the music in the background. and very slow drumbeat. yeap. haha. today was nice. went to the beach. talked. thought. and reflected. i gto messages, that left me speachless. and i sent messages that i meant to send long ago. so thank you, for being there for me. thank you for making an impact in my life. as for the person whom i didnt reply your message. thank you, for teaching me to move on. Now i advise you to do the same. harsh. but i dont know what else to say. i love pasir ris park. i love the night. the sea. the music. it was stuff i dream about. yeap.

watch me as i sign offline

Congratulations Rishik Menon, you are...

'Xia Xue' Wendy Cheng of xiaxue.blogspot.com

You are a goddess/god. You've got the looks, the brains and the body. You have such an irreverent sense of humour, people listen to you religiously and worship the ground you walk on. On the other hand you can also be straightforward, blunt and very very controversial. That has the potential to offend many people, but of course you don't care, you just shoot. In the end, people either love you or hate you. Nothing in between.

Which Singaporean Blogger Are You?

I am so offended. Rishik Menon wasnt one of the options.... Not yet at least... haha.

hey hey hey

Let me start by saying this. I should stop doing handstand around the house for no reason. My back is starting to hurt. haha. next topic. I shall raise a issue of national intrest. Should bacre bodied runner be allowed to wear tan coloured running shorts. In this writer's opinion, its the runner's own responsibility NOT to wear tan coloured shorts, but there should be no law to stop them.... nonetheless is STILL is very disturbing from the distance. yeap... haha.


yesterday's outing. oh my.... haha. how fun was that. haha. So we all met at orchard mrt to begin with. and wasted like half an hour there deciding where to go. haha. so nicole and chay ling led u to scotts food court. was not bad. i ended up sharing mixed rice witht ing kun, which turned out to be cheaper than the drink i had. haha. dam bandung. after which we went to orchard MRT to send off meera and dianjun, and then we went to watch ghost train. ahhaha. OMG! i swear, what a retarded movie! i was laughing at so many parts, much to the glares of stacey and ting kun, and it was so dam stupid. Yuang chang seemed to undersatdn the story line better than most of us and after he explained it it didnt seem so stupid. But nonetheless it still wasnt scarry. haha. I had fun grabbing stacey's shoulder during one scene, just for kicks. That just shows you how boring the movie was. haha. I was sitting next to yingchong and ting kun. PJ joined us during the movie. After the movi we went to NYDC for dinner. omg. it was freaking ex. as in with a capital X. yea. so i paid two bucks for one and a half slices of 7 '' pizza. shared with ting kun, PJ, yingchong and lester, i think. shit i cant remember whether it as lester of wenbo.... haha. ima bad friend. haha. spaking of being a bad friend, dharvin was apparenly online and i didnt see him. This has been happening to a few of my friends now. im sorry. ahha. he's coming back on the 27th! when school reopens. oh the irony. haha. anyways after the pathetic 'dinner' we made our way to youth park and sat there and played truth or dare. and then we played truth and truth. haha. and as usual everyone turned to me to ask questions. haha. i like my questions. scandalous. sexy. controversial. hahah. yesh. was fun. that was yesterday for you.




enter 23rd June 2005. Once again i awake post merideam. oh my. went for piano class. then i went to meet nivholas gn again to study physics. or actually i WENT to meet him to study english and history but we ended up studying physics. ahha. reminescent of monday when we were supposed to do enghlis and history and ended up doing add maths. haha. we have came up with code names for all differnt sbjects to avoid detecteion from the main competitors. They must not know we are studying. We must at all costs stay under the radar. hmmm. so that is done, and here i am now. And its already seven. wow. i hav got to start waking up earlier. haha. my parents have gone to check out a new maid. man. so sad. Tomorrow i think im following josh to buy food for the saturday/friday bbq thingy. haha. its gonna be fun. yeaaa. cept i got a dental on friday. 4.15. It says so on my right arm. Thats where i wrote it. haha. Man, braces. I thik girls with braces are cute... but guys with braces... hmmmm. questionable, very quetsionable indeed. haha. saturday zenn wants me to follow him fer some interview thingy. Tahts in the afternoon which means i got to wrap up my bbq by saturday afternoon. haha. im gonna be out the whole of friday and saturday that means. Preisely what my dad ordered me not to do. Snce we got no maid around saturday is the day to do REAL cleaning. haha. i see. hmmm. my parents wanted me to follow them, but i wanted to stay at home long enough to finsh this blog. sigh. read todays Zits. reminds me of that slightly. haha. yess. so till next time.... tata.



shallaalla.

wheeeeee-

the mising school belt still excapes my grip. sigh. it was a good belt. and it doesnt fall apart in the middle of a train ride..... that was a funny day. and a very cheap belt. and that dayw as yesterday, and that cheap belt will be used again today, for lack of anything better. sigh. haha. hmmmm. my belt falling apart. it seems i have completey forgotten tot ype about yesterday. My piano class in the morning. haha. thats was fun. I was playing in her room for like one hour, before she rushed down to say sorry, she overslept. haha. is wear, that was dam funny. sadly it cause me to be late for my meeting with nicholas GN. we met at TRL to do english and study history. haha. ended up with us doing add maths, and him teaching me all i missed out on when i was sick last, last week. haha. but we finished quite early, so i persuaded him to come back after lunch to study history. we were doomed from the start. starting browsing the library and reading. haha. so sad. got home. watched TV. and before i know it... I'm alone at home! wooo-. the sweet feeling of walking around in your boxers and not having a care in the world, with the radio blasting. haha. The thrill of the moment died pretty soon, as i went online, and everything returned to its normal boring self. sigh. and then my mom came home. and she was sad....



this is where i say sorry for all whom i didnt quite talk properly to yesterday. but i cant just ignore my mom, if you know what im saying.... and she was pretty sad. and i had to be there for her... so yea.. sorry, if my mind wasnt there. and when she wasked to use the computer... well i dont just say no to a 50 year old lady who just poured her miseries out to me. hmmmm. it felt bad abit, leaving or abandoning my friend out in cyberspace. but it felt good. knowing i could help my mom. be a listening ear for her. a shoulder for her to cry on. yeap. gave me a sense of satisfaction, knowing i could help someone.....


Now, to thank freeda, for talking to me yesterday online. cause it made me realise something. and basically for giving me a topic to talk about. haha. Dont give up your dreams. Dreams are all you have to live for. Dont give them up. dreams add colour, add spice, romance to your life. without dreams what do you have? security? bullshit. you only live once. carpe diem. seixe teh dam day. live it! Thast what i did. Thats what i chose. I chose to give up my chase for those awards. NYAA, NLYA, PSA, what crap. cause it all means nothing. My worth is not dependent on the number of awards i have. its dependent on the amount of respect people have for me. The amount of respect i have for myslef. or so i feel. My characrter. My personality. Thats whats important. my creativity. ME. -rishik... So give me back my life. give me back rishik, give me back my friend and keep your awards. your awards mean nothing to me. and im going to give them up... TO chase my dreams. cause i believe in dreams. and nothing is going to tear that away from me.




later going for SLC outing. i woke at 11.15. Its 12.05 now. haha. everything seems to fit in place perfectly. haha. good day. call me. i need to talk. i like to talk. i just realised that. haha.

I believe in magic

Desperate houswives is showing now. and im so tempted to watch. but no. It ha sbeen a while since my creative juices has been allowed to flow in this magical outlet which is online journalism. Ah. Journalism. The sweet smell; the very idea and concept at which intoxiacted my senses with romatic ideas and visions of freedom. of maturity. of liberalation. of democracy. Democracy: The people voice. The people's power. And that is what journalism is all about. upholding democracy. giving power and voice tot he people. and such a sweet form it comes in today, in this new day and age. In the two dimensional flat screen accesible to millions worldwide. In blogs. Blogs, mind you, are good. I fight for them. I beelive very strognly in them. And i gladly fight against all who oppose or disregard the blog. Take to example my mom's friend Reeta. Now rita, or reeta, or R as we shall now call her, plays golf with my mom. Or should i say learns to play golf with my mom? anyways she has a daughter who apparently is a blogger herself. And I say GOOD for HER! haha. but apparently Lady R was complaining about Blogs to my mom, as my mom now was complaining to me. And so i fought back. haha. felt good. my worst fear however still remains she will discover the blog. ahhaha.



on the topic of SLC....OMG.... "rishik i miss SLC", "dont you miss SLC", "SLC was really nice...I really miss it..." like get a grip guys. its JUST SLC. WE ALL LIVE in SINGAPORE. i swear. what is wrong with you people?? There is msn. there is blogs. there is handphones... and i swear singapore is like freaking small... arghhh. brb. need to open the door. okays. im back. man i swear i feel alot better. And all this while i was thinking i needed inspiration to write. THIS IS IT. Writing is my inspiration. writing is the colour of my life. it feels ssooo goood. to write again. man. where was I? oh tahts right.. SLC. so I'll tell you guys what i told paulina. We live in singapore. we hav msn. we hall everyone elses contacts. I mean maybe if people wasnt contacting me 24/7 to tell me they missed me. You know, maybe if they genuinely couldnt contact me at all. THEN maybe i really would miss them. BUT ITS SINGAPORE. its so small. how do you miss someone. there are people everywhere... If its the events teh games you miss, fair enough. but dont lie to me. I know all you teenagers oput there, and the only hting you guys missed are each other.... So admit that first. AND NOW STOP WHINING AND START CALLING EACH OTHER.



man my dad just knows how to interrupt a great flow of words and thoughts. haha. points to rememebr to talk about later. The MSN converstaion. me mom. and on giving up dreams and keeping some dreams. and yes. i admit it. i believe in magic. Yay...haha.

You rock stalker girl...

wohoooo! i feel good. i dont know why. shit, gtg mop the floor. talk about mood spoiler. dam. so bye. haha. before i leave... READ ZITS... yes... go forth my children and spread my word. and come tomorrow, tuesday, all will be revealed about SLC.

hello

hey. watched a few great shows recently. haha. adams family values... bubble boy. a documentyr of Cassius Clay. man. im becoming a TV addict. would love to talk now, but ive got a mission to do. transfer all my photos from multiply to SONy image station. yeah. haha. check it out if you want. its pretty cool.

who am I?

apparently from what the book says, I aint hindu...hmmmm. Thats cool. its a pretty cool book. and apparently to say 'my god' is being athesitic. Because by saying my god, you are implying there are more than one gods. and god, in its nature, is teh most supreme, so to say there are more than one most supremes, doesnt really make sense; Thus indirectly you are saying you dotn beleive in god. haha. how cool is that. I swear this a dam cool book. oh well.



eating prata now, and drinking milo. haha. there was a note there this morning on the table. "Eat the prata. there is milo in teh fridge." haha. my family has moved into the leaving notes system. so fun. haha. yipeee. To be that i didnt realsie that just yet. So i spent teh fist half an hour in th kitchen, franticking about who messed it up, and trying to clean it up, and investigating what weird drink was in the fridge. THEN i saw the note.... "Oh.." haha.



yesterday night... played the piano, after a long time. didnt practise my peices though. jut played some songs by ear, while my sister tried to guess. or my sis would request a song and i would play. haha. i sucked. the only songs i actualy did nail was closing time, the oC theme song, alot of carpenters songs and quite surprisingly a few tamil songs. hmmmm. haha. tahts so sad.



I want my library book back! i want it returned! BUT WHO???!!! god, have mercy. on me. aw man. This really sucks. There is a debate com thingy goign on now. kyle's going. nadia's going. the debate ppl all going, including marc, selvam, jas and bryan c. uhm, im not too usre if nicole's going. and based on the time i woke up (an hour ago) i dont think i'd be going. haha. oh my. shoudl I? I'll see. but right now, what i want to do, is read about chem, read about lit, and play the piano. ahha. such a perfect life. Piano class on monday. Going out with NIcholas GN on monday too. yay. maybe later this mornight, id go to the park and do some writing. yay. I heard the prefect's camp was fun, from Ivan. And yes, Ivan you ARE a good leader. honestly. hmphhh. Screw the awards. screw it all man. NYAA, NLYA, VSS, can all be screwed. all i want is my 6 points for Os. And maybe a happy family, my dog back, and maybe...... No screw that too. My dog, a family is all i want. hmphhhh..



Intretsing to note, is that i probably started blogging way before any of you. haha. Yes that right. even YOU out there. It all started when vicnan'nna introduced me to maxpages. haha. yeap. That was way back in P4 or 5. Maybe earlier. ahha. i had three entries, and whoel lot of other bull. haha. yeap. Then was my short exploit in www.ratz.tk . haha. thatw as in sec 1 and that was even more bull than the first. and more recently ratz.multiply.com in sec 3, before my transition to blogspot this year. ahha. yes. so dotn doubt my bloggign skills. hha. im a veteran.



SLC.... as what i told Ivan, "dude, gimme LLTC any other day. This camp was totally crap." All my SLC mates out there. haha. i bet you guys are fuming right now. Especially teh Facils and OT. But just here me out first. here me out.....

swooosh

OMG! good charlotte is coming to SINGAPORE! 17th JULY! I MUST BE THERE....I must..... one night only.... i must go......must.......69 bucks... screw buying their CD man. im going for the concerrt.... im going.... haha. quetsion is who woudl go with me. not quite the same gogin alone. and who is willing to scrape up that 70 bucks like me? oh wells. thats secondary. first thing is to convince my parents to let me go. haha.



haha. today was good. i like my house suddenly. effects of cleaning it i guess. seriously appreciate alot more now. yeah... feels good to have no maid. but im scared when school reopnes. its gonna eb dam tough then. sighs. went tot he libaray today. borrowed a book on theatre scenes. pretty nice. my bro sent em an e-mail the other day. talked about how he was willing to sponsor me for a local diploma on theatre. nice of him. think id just take him up on that offer. haha. was supposed to meet nicole today, but i became too lazy. i feel bad. haha. oh wells. speaking of homework, i havent done any yet. school is gonna reopen soon. coming. slowly but surely, coming. just like dharvin. slowly but surely coming. ahha. 24th if im not mistaken. 24-25th. that the same day me and josh are planning the bbq. this is a pretty sad holiday. no beach parties, no bbqs, no movies. so sad. i want my tomorrow. haha. sighs....sighs..... is it really good to have one person youc n always talk to? oh having a wider range better? hmmmm. no doubt i can easily turn to any of my friends. but i cant decide who. and i dunno. im a bit proud too. dont want them to see me, low. but i am. yet i am not. i am high. im single. independent. strong. "No way. Not rishik.. your strong..."marc told me. taht reminds me of his birthdya present. and that remidns me to wish vicnan'nna. sorry. was going to message you, but i didnt have ur number. haha. sorry. and all other geminis out there. There are way too many of you out there. debate com tomorrow. maybe i wont go. maybe il stay home. maybe ill go out. maybe ill find out, who it was. who it was i lent the book to. WAH... TWO DAYS OVERDUE! i remember lending my card to someone to help them borrow a bookfrom the library but i dont remember who!! shit lah. i know it was someone who followed me to the library to study. but WHO..... wah lao. was it nicholas lin? was it kevin tan? was it arthur? andre? bowen? joshua? I swear i dont remember.... oh man..... if i dont find out,t hat gonna really suck. real bad. Man...

HO!

wohohohoh. guess whose back. haha. the one, the only R A T. alrights... im feeling good. and hyper. and i dont know why...... and now im sad........



-sigh- Scar by missy higgins. a great song if ever there was one. just finished uploading photos onto my multiply account. sweet. haha. i wrote this during SLC.



The clock spisn down
The wheel is lost
poor little jenny
finds she lacks a cause
The hour dwindles
the wheel is found
but too little, too late
her soul; its drowned.



hahah. all you lit students out there. go figure what this means. haha. Man, there are right now two things on my mind. no wait, three. -sigh-. I sigh alot these days. haha. anyways, it the SLC. and my maid goign away. and why everything these days seem so surreal. i swear. everything. its dam weird. Nothign seems real. i dont know why. all the phone calls ive taken recently. all the sms/MSN converstaions ive had. even the whole SLC. nothign feel real. and now, ive no maid. i dont know why. thing seem different. and im doing household chores. and its funny. hmmmm. im just staring right now into nothigness. dad is calling me, and accusing me of chatting. sigh. id best be off. things feel wrong. oh well. if you thought i didnt update often before, prepare for a lower frequency. haha. sigh. o levels. household chores. friends. piano. i dont know anymore. id coem back later tonight to talk about SLC. and more about the day, so far.

morning...

Morning. Man im refreshed. haha. just woke up. rooms a mess. clothes all over the floor. i swear i thought i felt sand when my feet touched teh ground. dotn ask. haha. my parenst went malaysia. wtf. hahaha. i mean like, i wake up and... they went malaysia!!?? OKAY.... Need to get ready for th SLC tomorrow. Ill talk about the hike in details another day. haha. taht was one dam great hike. Self esteem is sky rocket right now. wooh.

the scout dies...

This is it. This is my name burning, and with it comes the death my life as a scout. Man, this feels great. The fire. Everything. Because I came here to prove myself. To show i was worthy. To give my best, and to be proud of who I am. And that was exactly how i felt. proud of myself.

Lets start by remembering one thing. I was sick. I wasnt even sure if i was going to go, the night before the hike. But I still went. For one reason. To prove to Imala and Ohanzee i could do it. And to have the satisfaction of saying I left the troop as a venture, not some half baked pre-venure shit. No. I wasnt going to let them see that happen. I had to prove them wrong. Everything they ever thought i was. Theodore even told me they didnt want me to come. But i did all that, out of pure passion and desire; To show that they were wrong. And I swear, i did it. I finally did it. I even surprised myself.


I never asked for permission to fall out. I never asked for permission to squat. I was always the fastest runner, and fastest at doing push ups. I was the only guy capable of making a fire to cook food on the first night. On the hike I never was a hinderance neither did i slow down my team. Intretsingly the guy who said "If you get sick, we going to leave you behind and go on teh hike without you" turned out to be the one slowing us down. And i took sick pleasure in slowing down for his sake, and reminding the whole team, about his needs. I gladly helped Theodore with reading the map and directing the team, on the whole hike. I was always setting the pace during the hike. And I leave the hike with my intergrity intact, unlike some who cant say the same. I was self-disciplined through out. I was self-motivated through out. I was the first to start my fire at the name burning. And my fire was the fastest, strongest and longets lasting fire of all. And to have started it with a single match. I ran all the way when i did my gadgets. I was never late as an individual. I had pride. I showed my worth. I did it. I actualy did what i set out to do. For teh first time in my life, i have felt this proud for such an accomplishment. To have no shame in saying, I am the best, out there because you know you are. I was the only one who was not asked to re-do my scarf. I was the only guy who was not asked to re-clean my campsite. I, against all odds, even managed to dig a new firepit with an impossible time limit, and they still said it was very neat. I was proud. I WAS DAM proud. Throughout the whole camp, i gave my absolute best, and I have absolutely no dam regrets at all. It was an experience like no other. And to think i did all this, not by reading up on my knowledge. Not by being popular or likable, not by having an interest or love in what i was doing, but out of pure heart. Heart and Desire. Spirit. Whatever youc all it, my dam willpower and my crazed need to prove soemthing outshined everyone else. And I can say that. Because i did. And it felt good.




But what really made this whole thing a great wonderous experience was what i learnt. And I learnt two things. One) I am NOT useless. I am not incapable. I can be the best, if i put my heart init. And I can be proud of what i do. And the best part was I didnt need anyone tot ell me this. I knew this all along. And there was no one going to disprove it. It was understood. And it made me realise, that not just here, but elsewhere. I dotn need anyone to tell me i'm good. I dont need affirmation. Cause in my heart, i know it.
TWO) I must not be scared anymore. This was a beautiful lesson i learnt and its so hard to actully describe how it happened, or teh hwol understanding and meaning behind it. But this lesson, has thought me a whole new concept. And this lesson will definitely change me. You might not see it, but i am different. and its all thanks to this understanding. You see, my whole scouting life, i felt like shit. I was made to feel i was useless. weak. uncapable. Unwanted. inferior. And i was a dam follower. And it was because of fear, as i now realise. "Rishik, your scared arn't you?" I still remember Imala saying. It was three years ago. But it was true, though i denied it then. It was dam true. Our way of thinking, our way of behaving, eveyrhting single thing my batch ever did in scouts was out of fear. Fear to change, fear to break protocol, fear to think out of the box, fear of what others think of you, fear, fear, fear. And it hit me just then. As i stared into the fire that ate my name, i understood. I was scared. And just as i understood, i also learnt. And I broke freee from it. I was FREE! I was swear its the most rejuvenatting moment ever. it was like reaching nirvana. It all made sense now. My life in the past three years. was broken, sucked, twisted because of one thing. Fear. And what imala said, really put everything together this morning. "We want thinking scouts....Rishik, you have a high intelligence. You know what i'm talking about right?I think you do. " and it really made sense. why we were such bad scouts. so small and puny was because of our fear to break away from it all. Fear... My fear of not pleasing others. My fear of what otehrs would think of me. It all made sense now. My strange obligations to nearly everyone. Our politness and volunteerism in scouts. It all fell apart now. It wasnt out of genuine want to help. It was out of Fear. And i saw it. You cannot force these thing; discipline, politness, volunteerism, respect, teamwork, enthusiams. But Scouts did that. And it was because of fear i easily fell trap to it. And no more! NO MORE will I be trap to fear. I swear that moment i felt like teh world had just opened its doors. I was euphoric. I was free! No words can describe that pure freedom i felt. And i showed it, as soon as i had the chance. When he dismissed us, I ran to do my own gadget without waiting to hear out nicholas's idea of "everyone helps everyone". that was bullshit. You do what you need to do to get things done. you dont need all that crap. It so dam fake when i thik about it now. and i was a genuine beleiver in that. wow. But not to say i was totally ruthless. I helped theodore get his water bottle. I gave theodore one of my matches. I helped theodre tidy up his campsite. Because i wanted to help him. because he was a friend. Not out of obligation or fear. Not because we are "supposed to help out everyone in the team". But because i wanted to. And thats how it should be done. And now i felt empowered. I wasnt going to ask quetsions anymore. I was going to act straight on it. I wasnt goign to seek permission anymore. I was going to Do it. And i wasnt going to shut up anymore when i see somethign i dont like. I wil tell them off, when their attitude pisses me off. Like when i was slightly harsh with david. I could see Oshkide looked shocked. But that was me changing. He never saw em like that before. I was never liek that before. 'specially with someone pretty close to me like david. But thats what i had become. Free. Free to do what i liked. And for once i felt free. I was myself. Natural. No longer bounded by fear. I was FREE! I was growing up. And now comes my thank yous.



Thank you Imala, for making me grow up. Thank you for setting me free. It really is going to play a big part of my future. This might be the answer to my curse of not being able to say no. Thank you.

Thank you Dakota(Kubo) and theodore. The only two people who dont make me feel like shit in scouts. People who have helped me. People who have always been there for me. People who have inspired me. People who have never given up on me.Thank you for being there. I didnt rely on you guys during this camp. But if not for you, i wouldnt have got this far in the first place.

Thank you Oshkide. My PL. My senior scribe. For giving me the chance in the first place. For having faith in me. For teaching me to try. For teaching me to strive. For teaching me to be a scout.

Thank you Ohanzee, and Bisminak. Though i might have said i am no longer afraid, there is still this fear of what you two will say of me. Somehtign which I will have to ovecome sooner or later. In good time, it should be gone. But you two have given me this experience like no other. You have brought me this lesson. From getting me IN in the first place, from stopping me from quitting, all the way, you were like puppet masters watchign me grow and fall, and stumble and struggle. And all that is like a lesson. No better lesson i can think of I have learnt. And this moment I learn. I now know. Thank you. For this whole experience.

Haha. and then emptiness....

picking up mom now. from airport. get back to you soon. im back. just picked up me mom and me grandma from the airport. yay. i feel so....dunno whats the word. WASTED. Yes. wasted away. and screwed up. I wanna go out. i miss that, you know. goign out. i miss interaction. i miss talking to new people. i miss lauging at my friends. i miss going to school. wha.



david's going for the hike. dammit. dammit is a nice song. yeap. 70km hike. gah-. Here's the deal. the 70km hike is the final step. It is THE last check, for all 4 pre-ventures to get our flashes, and hopefully, our scoutnames. For me, its about dignity. I won't leave the troop as a pre-venture. what teh fuck is that. So am i venture or not? know what i mean. so, my deal is this. I want my flashes. i want my scout names. or at least the chance to know, whether i deserve a scoutname or not, in the eyes of the seniors. Closure basically. Then the complications started. ppl going, not going, postponing, blah, blah, blah. and now its between phipps and myself. They can either postpone the hike, to next week, where i can make it( me being sick this weeka nd all), or keep this original date, cause, phipps's parents wont let him go on any other day. Thats another thing i dont get. what the fuck man. Why no other date? doesnt make shit of sense to me. but whatever lah. so i told them to keep phipps. the three of them go for the hike themselves. and for my own sake, ill go for the hike solo at another time. theodore said he might follow me. i dont want him to. its unfair to him. dam crapped up lah. it has come to this. now my dad's encouraging me to go for the hike tomorrow if i feel better tomorrow. but flu's are not so easy. its takes weeks to heal totally. plus i got another agenda. i got my piano class on saturday morning. i dont want to miss that again. dam guilty. unless i postpone that. but even if i do postpone that, i cant confirm that i can make it for the hike tomorrow. I can force myself to. i dunno. i still dont feel too good. fuck man. question of my wellness Vs my need to prove soemthign to them. Arghhhh. I have spirit lah, fuck! i can Do this! Its all in my mind, my will power! my pure grit and determination! it always has been. and thats going to be the driving force for me once again. Lord be my pillar. Thank you for the strenght to stand at all, and for being my crutch. Now bless me, as i take on one more task in the state of health. Thank you lord.



my grandma is dam sweet. she bought me a dam pretty 'Om'. It was dam elegent, and had a zircon attached to it. its beautiful. im gonna get a nice silver chain for it. Dam beautiful. I like the om. gives me strenght. quite ironic, cause she gave it to me, just as i was typing to god, in the above paragraph. well, i better go eat soon.

What's wrong is everywhere

I swear. What's wrong is everywhere by the jealous sound IS a great song. When they finally dot he movie of my life, this song will probably be in the soundtrack. Haha. Yeah.


and so I'm sick. And now I'm pretty freaked. a big fat cockroach ran across the table, and dissapeared. Thats the scarry part. it dissapeared. so now who nows where it might be. haha. this was one of those big fat cockroaches, which have really hard shiny shells. liek the kind you see in fear factor. *brrrr*. this house is freaky.



two reasons could have caused this. A) my maid is doing enough to clean the house, and it seems we might have to live without a maid pretty soon. haha. taht woudl be fun. B) my house is too near the jungle. We might be moving to the condo pretty soon, though. but thats sad. i liek this house. i like my room. sighs. oh well.


and now since i am so dam free. i will post all the songs/poems i wrote in the past. and maybe later do the thign i was supposed to do for Mr Tan. haha. and then i'll practise my piano. haha. talk about priorities.



Everytime i start to feel.
This pain it is so real.
This affliction; from your cruel deception.
This hopeless and wishful ambition
of mine and I know
That I should stop writing this song
sooner than later, because everything
always ends up wrong.

You talk like everything's good.
But I know this ain't how it should
be; Please dont do this to me.
Lady cant you see.
This hopeless and wishful ambitions of mine
are tearing my heart into half.
But I just cant seem to get enough.
(This really sucks)

I hold this pen,
Just as i hold my dreams of me and you.
but then again.
You just cant seem to see whats true.

haha. one of my worse poems. next.


Its late night. I'm at home.
I wake up. All alone.
This is all. That I find.
Thats's resting. On my mind.
I cant talk. Or Tell you.
How I feel. About who.
Its getting. So Late now.
I feel like I am falling down.

So i crawl into a corner.
And wait till I cant remember.
Of the tears from weeks before.
You know that, I wont say more.
Of the wake from the storm.
And I just wish
things will all move on.

the weeks fly. And months too.
(You) dont think of me.
I dotnt hink of you.
And thats fine. So I say.
I go home. Sit and pray.
Cause no one. Can help me.
Tahts how I feel. evidently.
It has been. So Long now.
Yet I still feel, like i am falling down.


hmphhhh. next is my personal favourite.


Will you, will you beleive me.
If i said that i dreamt of you?
I swore, I dont know what to do.
(Baby its true)
And is it asking too much
If i said i need someone like you.
Please would you come and pull me through?
(Pull me through)

Darkness never growing old.
Melancholic feelings told.
Of past twisted histories
these memories, keep haunting
back and scarring my
whole life.....through....
Girl Ive seen you quench this fire
please help me now, before i tire.


And Will you, will you beleive me.
If i said that i dreamt of you?
I swore, I dont know what to do.
(Baby its true)
And is it asking too much
If i said i need someone like you.
Please would you come and pull me through?
(Pull me through)

I think ive been this place before
I saw it once, now i see more.
Of its drudgery and dequipid
past melodies. This chorus is
falling apart, the foundation
caving out.....just like me heart.

so Will you, will you beleive me.
If i said that i dreamt of you?
I swore, I dont know what to do.
(Baby its true)
And is it asking too much
If i said i need someone like you.
Please would you come and pull me through?
(Pull me through)

And now i cant pretend,
pulling myself, as much as I can.
I must confess. I like the feeling.
of dying and having someone come
and pull me out again.

haha. Okay. this next one is totally random. i dotn know what im trying to say. a total mess of words, and jargon.


I Swear; Now.
I cant go on, Anyhow.
I feel so tensed, my words fall
My thoughts crawl. and
I resent this shit. All that
I feel. Why didnt I realise. The danger
of restraining my anger.
Release it all inside.

Never going to leave it behind me.
All this fcuk that surrounds me.
It has all been locked inside.
too long, my avericious child
has been forecd to hide
now why. dotn you run
soon, its going to walk outside.

I Swear; Now.
I cant go on, Anyhow.
I feel so tensed, my words fall
My thoughts crawl. and
I resent this shit. All that
I feel. Why didnt I realise. The danger
of restraining my anger.
Release it all inside.

Unlocking these cages.
The past ghosts of my phases
another demon flying back.
all those words which i now regret.
burning screaming memories
immortalsie them close to me
no better lesson i woudl have learnt for free.

I Swear; Now.
I cant go on, Anyhow.
I feel so tensed, my words fall
My thoughts crawl. and
I resent this shit. All that
I feel. Why didnt I realise. The danger
of restraining my anger.
Release it all inside.

Now nothign goign to be kept inside me.
Now what i feel, is what your going to see.
No one's gonan screw me anymore.
Here the drums as i walk through the door.

I Swear; Now.
I cant go on, Anyhow.
I feel so tensed, my words fall
My thoughts crawl. and
I resent this shit. All that
I feel. Why didnt I realise. The danger
of restraining my anger.
Release it all inside.


this is one of the fastest songs ive ever written. haha. dont ask why.

Keep painting my thoughts
and drowning my senses
with memories and paradoies
of some other muse's defenses
and later i'll see
just how late it can be
at night. and just this once
i hope I'll get it right.

Talk to me, bring me back,
tell me who I am, everything I said.
You have never met me, what would it matter.
Ive known myslef for 15 years, yet I still shatter.

Every now and then
I need someone like you
to tell me when
to wake up and see
where i went wrong again.
Its late now.
I take a last shower.
I awake now.
It wont last any longer.

Talk to me, bring me back,
tell me who I am, everything I said.
You have never met me, what would it matter.
Ive known myslef for 15 years,
and i wont let myself shatter....again.


they are a few more songs, but for oen reason or another ive decided against posting it. Now. for an impromptu poem. yay. watch as a master peice is written.


Throw the coins into the pond.
See the ripples as the peace is torn.
Hear the harmonica play over again.
A new hope, a new start, and I wont let this end.

I wash your blood, I feel your pain.
I hum to the melody of the the song that you sing.
I write you a song. You say my motives are wrong.
But i'll just keep on writing till the break of dawn.
I wash your dirt, I feel your shame.
I drum to the rhythm of the music you play.
I write you a song. I see a smile being formed.
And Ill just keep on writing till the break of dawn.

Sow the seed into the soil.
Watch them, they bare the fruit of toil.
See the flowers grow to bloom
A new hope, a new start, It wont be ending soon.


Haha. whatever. If you dont like it....Bite me. I cant be bothered what you think.

i need you. save me too.

I want to save you. ahhaha. taht song is so rishik. hero complex. the desire and need to help others. even when it means at my own expense. hero die young, in the words of dinesh. yea. so true. strangely i am most happy when i wallow in other people's misery. makes me feel good. gives me satisfaction. helping others. haha. which is why i want to give you the CD. haha. so shush.. and jut accept it, dammit.


intresting enough i am most unhappy when i dont help others. thus my curse of not saying "no". really sux. too biga guilt. mayb thats why im such a good boy in school. haha. yes. today was a happy day.



haha. and its all thanks to that one dog. yay. there is nothign more cute, that a little over friendly puppy that escaped its leesh and its frazzled owner. except maybe a over-friendly hyper active toddler that escaped its leesh and its frazzled owner...parent...whatever. haha. it was a cute little collie. then it ran to me and jumped on me and sniffed and licked my hand. haha. i laughed and the owner was pretty freaked. cute. haha. made my day.


came late for add maths. was fun lah, with miss teo as usual. making jokes at the class. key word AT, not WITH. haha. yes. and with ben ow and company, it was bound to be fun. mmm. im sick by the way. and its all your fault, jeremy.

bio lab. finished pretty early. we are disecting a rat on thursday. so you can imagine, the looks i got from half the class. haha. pretty lame, the comments they made. but whatever. haha. and i am so dam sick. after school nicholas, myself and arthur tried to study add maths. i improved on my trigo identities slightly. still feeling sick. be right back. kay. went to get lozenges. however you spell that. haha. shame for top in level for english. where i lack in spelling i make up for in content and prose. haha. yay.


so i cancelled piano class. felt really sick. like half of my mind was there, when i was talking with nicholas gn and messaging dora. screwed up. mr brightside is a nice song. but you CANNOT beat "i woke up in a car" by somehtign corporate! that is like the ultimate song for the holidays. its really nice. really nice. i mean REALLY.... mmm. think taht shoudl be enough emphasis. haha.


tomorrow i must submit the names to mr tan cheiw seng. yeah.... YES-NEC. not forgetting the 70km hike. which is interestingly now postponed. yay. fit in with my 3 days MC.


yes i went to see teh doctor. sorry i wasnt online....if you were that is. if not, nvm. haha. the doctor's appointment was really funny. dad got a number for me since he was already there, rushed home and brought me there. i ran in, sat down, for barely one whole minute. i basically stated all my conditions, as she was doing the checks on me. she tehn told em she was going to give me this and this and this and i left the room. haha. FAST. i kleft the medicne oin teh counter though, so i had to go back and get it later. yeah... haha. funny. my dad is nice today. i like him when he is in a good mood. it might be my imagination, but i think its when he smoeks he's in a good ,mood. more than likely it s my imagiantion, but i think i usually smell a wiff of tobaco when he is happy. hmmmm. oh well.


apparently my flirting style is a coquette? whatever that is. haha. riiight. i'll dsa another day. ive got time. yeah.... haha. well id best be off. and thanks germaine, whoever you are. and dora, *shhhhh*. haha. dont say a word. i know what ur thinking. haha.

caught in the middle

You can never please everyone. people like myself, struggle in social terms, cause, people like me are just too open minded. Basically what im talking bout is taste in music. like when i talk about music with linus, and i veer off rock into RnB or rap, he says they suck. likewise for friends who dotn listen to heavy rock. wtf. simple lah. screw you all. leave me alone as i listen to "over and over" by nelly and "signs" by justin timberlake. haha.


its been two days. wondering where ive been? haha. basically huangs house and school and huangs house and school, home, school, and back to huangs house and here i am now. haha. THE CAMPFIRE'S OVER. ha! this is all i was waiting for. and now the 70km hike.... dam. haha. talk bout mood spoiler. my mind always does that. reminds me of the shit i have to do nd that makes me depressed. i was real depressed yesterday.


had to talk to mr roshan, bout the stuff. mainly the whole ava business and affair. thats another cunt story right there, and i cant be bothered to write out the whole thing, so if you really want to know ask me personally. basically just made me feel dam fucked up. close to tears. eevrything was fucked yesterda. to begin with i only had four hours of sleep. i had to rush home to get my uniform. i was in my scouts u for the whole of yesterday cause i didnt bring any pt kit. intentionally of course, just ddnt think i would be needing it. then that talk. was close to tears. then the MC-ing of teh campfire. apparently we screwed up everything. fuck lah. since when was the rules for MC-ing. or for a campfire in the first place. knn. now the report for the campfire to pass the VLC. i cant be bothered! fail lah. faridah just messaged me about the FDI. i dont mind failing that too. just get me out. what the point of doing so much work, when people think your doing it for glory. your doing it for the power. your doing it to suck up. fuck it man.


i never meant for people to hate me. i never knew tahts what apparently eveyrone thinks of me. you have no idea how much that hurts me. to think that i am not a good leader. and if not that what am i. trying to get testimonials has showed me so much. and has really put me down. apparently i suck. i have no talents. and now this? i have no leadership? or that i'm power-hungry? taht means where will i go in life? i have nothing. NOTHING. no talents whatsoever. so all i have to lean back on is studies... and that is nothign too. where teh fuck can i go with 13 points. what the fuck am i goingto do. all i wanted to do was help. i swear. i dead seriously SWEAR, i had the best intentions at all times. and i just screw it up. that same night, when i came home, i went to shower. i looked myself in the mirror. i broke down. i just started crying looking at my own face. i was a failure. thats all i am. and it hurts to realise that. how things can backfire so badly. yet i say i want to continue the 70km hike. i dont know. who am i trying to prove anythign to. i really dont know. maybe just to him. but even then....i dont know. maybe he wont care. but i have said what i have said. my word means everything to me. if not to anyone else. my word.


on a brighter topic, today was fun. school i mean. i live on school. the social interactions i mean. morning woke up late. cant expect much coming home at 12.00. oh by the way, thanks yang sheng, for the lift. anyways, yeah, met shane and wei ket at bedok interchange. 2nd time meeting shane on the way to school. and botht imes at two differet bus services. cool. haha. anyway biow as a bore. could have cried. sitting in taht chair. after that, theodore, jeremy, nicholas GN an myself went to siglap macs fer breakfast. or lunch more likely. jeremy played alot of mind games. haha. i figured out two. feel proud. jeremy said it took him three days to get one. i like "fuzzy wuzzy" persoanlly. haha. interesting enough "fuzzy wuzzy"doesnt like me. you have to be tehre to get it. anwyays, thoedore and I made our way to huangs house to plan the 70km hike. and now i am here. still thinking about what mr roshan said. god. i dont even know if i can start anew anywhere. whats done is done. but in me there is this fear that people who dont know me will think me a slacker. or worse, a guy totally dedicated to a single thing. and when that happens i will get stereotyped. but to prevent this from happening, i will basically continue my old curse.


what really hurt me is this thought. my syblings have both whole shelves fulled with trophies, meddles, either for treck and feild, or public speaking or debating. i have had nothing. Nothing. and i personally feel i have spent much much more time in school dedicating my life to it almost, and i have hadnothing. and its depressing. and you can still scold me for wanting power and positions. i dotn! i dont even complain about not getting anything. i make jokes about it. but i never complained have i. someone please shoot me. not even looking forward to dam hike. what was i thinking.



piano class tomorrow. better practise. my life is like clockwork. how shitty is that. this is the only release i have. writing here. i still want to cry. holding it all in.

Three cheers for sweet revenge

hahaha! lets just say im not surprised. haha. For a history student, I'm proud I got that far. For a student who put in a few hours of effort in the whole thing, I have nothing to be ashamed of. ahah. If you get where this is going, you would of course by now have guessed we got bronze. Aha. sweeet. No exactly something to be proud of considering there were only four teams. haha. But I love the comments they made. Made me feel good. And swelled with pride.
"I see, St pat's still has the gift of the gab." "ha. All style but no substance.. " "very inspirational." "speaking was good". haha. yeap. That's all that really mattered.

the sec 3s were also there. Ryan, husnain, Andy, and all. mmmm. We got bronze dude! Like wtf! Bronze. Ha. I just find the whole thing dam amusing. Ha. I take pride in the fact, that we were different and we had fun, and in my own words, I used before we started: "Alrights guys, this is it. and if we are gonna go down, we are gonna go down with Style" haha. yeah. that pretty ends the forum saga.


leaving throught the window. yeah. listening to it now. worth it. i mean i dont speand my cash on clothes or on games.. so its OK ah. investing on music. like i said to nichoals gan. i dont game. mmmm. haha. man, thi some sweeet music. sweeet. eating a double cheese burger now. no lunch.


mom and grandma left for india. hope they have fun. haha. didnt get to see them off. yea.... oh wells. hmmmm. 70km hike next week. dammit. hope i gt a scout name. but then again, kubo and joseph didnt get theirs the first time round. so i shoudlnt get my hopes too high. it would be nice. my last scouting actvity,a nd i get my scout name. haha. irony.


theres a frog on the window. i can see its belly. Okay...haha. weird. and slightly disgusting. specilly since im eating now. mmmmm. later tonight i need to go fer a campfire meeting. campfire is tomorrow. just like today, i think ill enjoy the releif of getting one more thign off my back. no shit! im the mC? wtf. taht sucks. two campfires, this year, and im mc twice. yong teck is with me as co-mc. haha. maaan. if we pass this project, that would be good. hmmmm. but not essential.


dam com cant read the CD. soemhtign wrong with its CD track. so i got to listen to it via the diskman. haha. how sad is that. 30 bucks. mmmm. imported man. oh well. its good music. support the band man. haha.


you people are way too free. stop filling up that stupid birtdhay alarm thingy. wow. eveyrday i receive ten to forty e mails form that dam thing. dam you all. seriously.


so little days to study. intrestingly i dont really care anymore. all i care about is having fun. ahha. my moods and paradigms switch in a moment. Thats a defining part about being rishik. yeah. haha. definitly. read the zits. listen to emo, or punk-rock. drink mug root beer. sit really low down on the chair and raise your eyebrows. cynic and analyse everything around you. make judgements and keep your midn active by dreaming, or analysing, or appreciating everything around you. thats all you need to get a preview into my life. yay. take care. dont forget me. that remains my worst fear.

zero friends online

hey hey hey. you know what. life sux. haha. lets count down the ways starting formt he most trvial. my primary school friedn whom i have not seen in four years, fatimah, meets me on the train. i say how you dong, she laughs at me and walks in the other direction. !!!??? okay. next. my face is breakoing out in pimple again, and it annoying, cause it is around my mouth, and im guessing its because of my mosutache, pimples are getting there. and i now i cant shave my moustache, cause the pimple ARE there. whatabitch. next: my outing with mrs leslie and company to play pool was ruined, cause some idiots decided to be born after 2 june 1989. dam you! haha. incidnetally so am I. and besides that, they were all wearing school pants. by they i was, referring to ben ow, ben mao, and alfred. so we went to teh food court at Parkway to talk and all. as usual. haha. pretty fun anwyays. Oh get this. The t-shirt is Nice. oh yeah. haha. i dont care if you call it 'mat', my sis got it, and mrs leslie said itw as nice. thats affirmation enough. ahha. rights. stupid SAJC foum thingy is tomorrow. i still dont know the official title of the whoel thing. haha. ive been calling it green citites forum, geography thingy, and a whoel lot of other names. well so today after goign out with the guys i went over to dannel's house and practised.


haha. we discussed, we practised, and im feeling confident. haha.... mrs er promised us at least a bronze. so my fingers are crossed. with enoguht luck, conviction and points, we reallyc an pull this off. and on the bright side, its one thign less to care about. finally.... oh god. campfire. sunday. cantw ait till its over. its a real pain in the neck. hahaha. i just tried to sign into friendster using ratterz@homail.com. haha. kay out of topic. yeah, back to the geog crap. haha. dannel's house was dam nice. i swear. was at onam road or soemhtign like that. his floor was nice. coudl do my handstand there, for a reasonalbly long time. practsied quite abit. played on his eukelele' thingy. haha. was cute.


told wei ket i coudnt help out in lltc. realy too much for me to handle. 70 KM hike and all. fuck lah. after that hike i really so need to get away from all the cca. ARGHH! shit lah. is wear. i so want to join nicholas and his studying ritual. it will os help me. but all my fuck is holding me back. here is a preveiw of the next month. saturday, geography cunt. sunday campfire bitch. monday, to thursday is bio...acceptable lah. monday after school. more pre 70km hike shit. thursaya nd friday. the 70 km hike shit itself. saturday and sunday. with enough luck i wont stone these two days away. monday to thursday: student leader's convention. friday, saturday sunday. one more week. thats all i have. God. where is my holiday. what happened to planning the great outing with joshua and all. what happended tot he graet intensive studying plans with nicholas. eveyrhtign sucks. haha. well almost.



listening to chinese songs on carrie's radio station... what is happening. had a nice talkw ith dannel as he sen tme to the train station. about alot of things. then the topic came to me hatigns couts, and he reminded me how i said i woudl never quit scouts. haha. see, dannel was one of those many who DID quit scouts early on cause they were scarred of the seniors. there was ALOT of them who quit. and i think i was probably disturbing him bout quitting scouts. and now i think about it. why didnt i quit. so i reasoned it out. like the way it came out of my mouth on the spot. ahah.

"you see, i never liekd scouts. But i never wanetd to quit. i nevr wanted to give my seniors the satisfaction of knowing i quit. i nevr wanted to let them say, tehyw ere better than me, or did i couldnt take it in scouts. i dont want them to say, that i wasnt good enough ins ocuts. never woudl i let them happen. i rose the ranks. get to the top, reach the peak, get above them. and then leave. say ive been there ive doen that. and im better than you lot. thats the reason is tayed. to prove to them."

ina way, im motvated by that in alot of ways. by the need to prove eveyrone wrong. yeah. any by teh way, thanks for the call. made my day, twice. haha.

not now. maybe later.

hahaha. was goign to start this post by being pissed off. but ic ant now. ahha. laughed too hard after reaidng johnchang's e-mail. "This is The ppt... John ". hahahahahah! of course they was meant to be an attachment, but he must have forgot. okay. cheap thrill. i laugh over teh dumbest things.....



what is it about me that makes people want to play me out? haha. TWICE, today. actually no, THREE times. haha. first maryam. no, i like maryam, she told me she was going to play me out. so thats not too bad. haha. then nicholas. actually, it was me who kind of played him out. maybe i should have arrived at the canteen sooner. sigh...thats the problem with ppl without handphones. and then, my own dad. but thats also my fault in a way. i overslept on the bus and ended up in bedok and made him wait for quite awhile. hhaa....... Oooooh. so THATS why they play me out. hmphhhh. talk about self-explantaory.


arghhh. went to school today. spent more time in the staff room, running between mr tan, mr salleh, mrs er, mrs to, mr chew and mr roshan, then i spent in the class room. wow. so much work to do. so little time. cant wait till its all over. dam chicken pies. cost ten bucks. tahst for teh campfire of course.


and tomorrow, mrs leslie, alfred and myself are gonna play pool. haha. fuun. till then i need to finish all my work: registering the YES-NEC teams, prpearing my speech for the green cites forum his saturday, finshing teh songlist and "duties" presentation fer prefects camp, organising the equipment for the campfire, completing my CV for DSA, selling donation draw tickets, practising fer the gig at LLTC, practising my piano, finishing the FDI mpeg videos. Screw it all lah. I cant be bothered about proress in scouts anymore, anyways. sigh.



hey the green cities forum! only two teams are participating! so we are confirmed in the top three. haha. the otehr team is RGS. coool....



Im going to buy that album. I will. ohshit. next week's supposed to be the bbq stayover thingy. havent told my parenst yet. not a good time.

if band was a bad word

hahahaha. you wish, you had a camera dotn ya, jeremy? haha. filming. yes filming. i really wanna start filming. i dunno why. mostly its my skating trips. teh scenery. the humans. eveyrhting. so artisictic. i justw anna film it. and video journaling. th idea really catches me. yeah... so i wanna camera fer my birthday. haha. yes.

coffee and panick syndrome. works all the time. it worked for end of year exams and it worked eysterday to clear the tip of my workload. yes. and when i say i recycle my documents i mean i use them again by changing the main details. and im talking about documents on Microsoft word of course. not on paper. yeaaaa.


speaking of long grass. teh lalang is the most annoying thing ever. specially when i have to walk through it everyday when i take the shortcut. really puts me off. then again, the birds always make up for it. you really get to see alot of beautiful birds in pasir ris, those you dotns ee in ur HDB estates. really nice. hmphhhh...lalang. reminds me of my malaysian house. which my mom wants tos ell by the way. pretty sad. that house has been there as long as i can remember. even before i moved into pasri ris. possibly even before i was born. and now we are gonna sell it. sigh. how sad is that. even sadder is thoughts about selling, our condo, edgewater. i really want to move in there though. we'll see.....

lets start this over

Hey! lets get one thign straight first. Apparently i aint a size 28, and i should stop buying that size, in the incident my belt breaks, and i had to keep pulling up my pants every ten seconds. and secondly, im not a size 7, and i should stop buying that, cause my toes really hurt. yes. now moving along to the topic at hand. haha.


so today had SS. woke late. ah. still made it to school in time fer class. felt good to be back in school. felt good to wake up before lunch time. yeaps. haha. after class, myself and nicholas went to siglap macs to study chem. don, ashley, donald, benjamin and bryan goh also cam later on. of course by the time they came, we stopped studying. played some lame fortune telling game with cards. dam stupid. haha. cant beelive i took part in. and by doing so i became late for the newsletter photo shoot.



"so what time must you be back in shcool?" "uhm... negative twenty minutes ago." "realy? you better leave soon... one more game."hahahah. riights. mrs leslie wasnt too happy. met mr lak in school. he talked to theodore bout the zachary shit. i really cant be bothered about it anymore. alas, gone is my interest or care in the affairs of the scout troop. marc, theodore and myself did soem camo stuff, before i headed home an changed, and went out again.



met shane to play pool. city hall. haha. was a dam nice day. long time since i played. i lost eveyrsingle 8 ball match. and won all but two 9-ball game. haha. i suck. i admit it. but was still fun. we went to hmv after that to but that cd that i was thinking about. on the train ride i kwpt thinking about one band. and i wanted to buy tehri CD. really wanted to buy it. told myself. I Am Goin to Buy Their CD. haha. thign is i forgot which band it was. haha. it later hit me after fifteen minutes in the shop, i was thinking of soemthign corporate.haha. was humming punk rock princess on teh train the whole way. KNN! fucking hell. their album cost twenty-fucking-eight bucks! wow. decided against it. maybe i shoudl follow shane's adbice and burn it. haha. we'll see. and here i am now. for soem reason, i liekd today. i dont really know why. but iwas nice. flowing. smoothly. all that is needed to top it off is a nice walk in the park. yay.