It came a point in time when tears could not uphold the depth of sorrow.

It came a point in time when no words could express the depth of pain.

It came a point in time when all that could be felt was a deep stab in the heart.

There came a time when crying seemed so stupid.

There came a time when unworthiness was all that could be felt.

There came a time when wretchedness was all there is to it.

But God said,

I will be your tears to contain that depth of sorrow.

My Holy Spirit will groan in words for your wordlessness.

Jesus will be your healer to heal that wound in your heart.

Crying is not stupid. It is my gift for you to shed that weight that you carry.

I love you despite your unworthiness.

I took away your wretchedness.



I am here for you, now and always.
Lord, indeed, you and only you are all I need.









Struck by His awesomeness again.

Genesis 15:1
After this, the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision:
“Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward.”

What struck me the most was God saying "I am.. your very great reward." This is such a profound yet simple statement that many Christians including me, struggle to comprehend and believe. We can say that we know that God is great, but to say that we believe it is an entirely different ball game. If we truly believe, it will be shown in our actions and our state of heart. We will experience peace and joy, because we in fact, have all we need because God is our "very great reward"!

How often I've fallen into the struggle and lie of believing that other things bring me satisfaction and happiness. It is so subtle I do not even notice it. But God was telling me to take that step of faith, and believe and claim it for myself that He is my very great reward. Sometimes I compare with others who seem more well off than I am in many ways, I compare and yearn to be like them. However, why do I need to compare, to yearn and to envy another life path when I already have God as my very great reward? I've been searching for answers, something, anything, to show me. And then i read in Wai Jia's blog..

It may not be as wonderful as some couples who can afford great wine and food all the time but a simple life brings simple pleasures

Always be happy and contented with a simple life

My heart resonates greatly with what was said. A simple life brings simple pleasures. I'm not afraid of living a simple life. I'm only afraid of living a life without you. You are what brings colours to a simple life. With you, my life will not be relegated to simple simplicity. Keith Green-- "LOrd, You've gotta do something about my heart. You know, a lot of time's gone by since I met You. And it's startin' to harden up, You know. It's kind of natural. I wanna have baby skin Lord. I wanna have skin like a baby on my heart."

Renew and refresh my heart again. Amen Watching The Voice on TV, it is not the first time that I thought to myself, "wow, what an honour it is to sing with huge stars like Christina Aguilera on the same stage!" Indeed, what an honour to be able to meet or even have a relationship with any big stars, powerful CEOs of mega companies like Google and Apple, or famous noble people. What an honour it is! As I watched The Voice, with people's dreams dashed as they are eliminated, there goes their meeting and relationship with their celebrity coaches. My heart goes out in pity for the thousands of hopefuls chasing the American Dream.

Then today, in my little quiet corner, spending my usual devotional time with my Lord, I was struck once again. God said to me, "if it is such an honour to meet these famous people just once, or to have sung on the same stage with them or speak to them or interact with them... have you ever thought of Me?" My heart laughs. Indeed, I never thought about the God of the Universe, the God who molded me, who gave me breath. YAHWEH.

The ugliest irony is-- I could think "what an honour" to meet Man of dust, who most probably are too famous or powerful to bother about any relationship with you or me. But, I completely leave out "what an honour" to have the God of this Universe yearning to have this relationship with me, wanting to walk with me, doing ALL sorts of ways to simply grab my attention, even watching out on the horizons for my silhouette......

great big irony.

and God said, "I've missed you".


too bad my love language is time.. Recently a friend of mine celebrated her 21st birthday, with a birthday theme-- school uniform. As I dug for my uniforms and found my fairfield and JJC uniforms, I decided to put them on to see if they still fit. Thank God I could still put them on, though a little tighter. hehe.

As I stared into the mirror with my Fairfield uniform on, I see a girl staring back, obviously outgrown this uniform's maturity level. Nah, I thought, gone were the days when I still looked young enough to pass off as a secondary school kid. So, I chose to use my JJC uniform.

Trying on these uniforms, looking into the mirror, and then looking at these uniforms again, I cannot help but feel a wave of emotions. Memories simply wafted back to mind. Sweet, happy, joyful ones. For some reason, the bitter, stressful ones were not the first memories that came to mind. I can only say how I miss those times, so much. Now, stepping into the fourth year of uni and graduating real soon, I cannot describe the emotions that grip me when I look at these uniforms. I have outgrown them, in many ways, not just physically ;) heh

I thank God for those happy memories, the blessedness of having a smooth school life with friends and support every step of the way. I know I cannot take this for granted as not everybody is as fortunate. I thank God that the first memories that came to mind were the sweet joyful ones and not the bitter ones. It shows how much I enjoyed those days.

In fact, during my 3rd day of internship training with MOE, when we were supposed to act as students so that each of us could practise being teachers, I simply missed the student life. If only I could experience it once more.

Indeed, as my dad says, each of us have our different seasons in life. Once they are gone, they will never come back. So, treasure each season that you are in. Reality hits when we come to a cross-road where we will step into the next phase of life--for me, it is work.

More than ever, I start to treasure the season of college that I am in. I thank God for NUS, for the faculty and major that I am placed in. Every semester I enjoy most of my modules and gleaned so much insight from them. I'm thankful, because I did not have an easy academic life in secondary school and jc, doing science and math (subjects that I cannot understand). So when I finally got to do what I really enjoyed, the sense of freedom and joy is indescribable. I am finally in my element! :)

For this final year in uni, I pray that God will use me in ways to impact lives around, through His power, and to make the most of my year. I hope that when I graduate next year, I will be able to confidently say that I have not wasted this season of my life and have truly treasured it to the best of my ability.

Don't let your season pass you by. =)