January 12, 2022
Subbing day 21
Middle school Spanish
I just read this to a bunch of 7th graders and we had a good laugh about Betsy buying a mouth at Walmart.
Subbing day 21
Junior high Spanish
Best
Set up
Ever
Ahhhhh
January 24, 2022
Subbing day 22high school honors bio
Kid: "What's your spirit molecule?"
***Other kids answer***
Me: "How does one go about picking a spirit molecule?"
Kid: "You really feel a connection to it."
Subbing day 22high school honors bio
FREE FOOD IN THE TEACHERS LOUNGE
January 26, 2022
Subbing day 23
Junior high Mandarin
Kids: We’re done with our work… can we draw on the board?
Me: Ok.
Subbing day 23
Junior high Mandarin
Kid: Hey teacher we’re done with our work, can we play Twister? **magically pulls a Twister game out of his backpack****
Me: Wait… so you like just carry that around?????
January 31, 2022
Subbing day 24
High school Photography & Film
The classroom of my dreams (couches)
February 7, 2022
Subbing day 25
8th grade Spanish
It finally happened!
I subbed in Justin’s class.
February 14, 2022
Subbing day 26
Independent study
This is “phone jail” that every classroom has. I have not used it today.
March 15, 2022
Subbing day 27
High school bio
It’s been a few weeks since I’ve subbed, thanks to other life things plus spring break. It’s sorta weird being back at it. Already this morning I’ve learned: “Prom-posal” is a word the kids use.
High school bio continued
So far in first period we’ve discussed “are there more wheels or doors in the world?” PLUS I gently captured a very fast-moving Phoenix-sized spider, and a student released it outside.
High school bio continued again
I feel like a big part of my job is keeping the students informed of the important stuff.
March 21, 2022
Subbing day 28
Criminal justice + honors world history
I love working half days.
Also this one kid has a literal gallon of water and he won't quit drinking it like he's just run a marathon and now he's taking his first bathroom break. LOL
March 24
Subbing day 29
7th grade leadership 1/2 day
I came prepared.
March 29
Subbing day 30
Independent studies 1/2 day
Finally got this official badge so people will quit mistaking me for a student.
Just kidding no one thinks I’m a student.
March 30
Subbing day 31
Criminal Justice/ Honors World History
1/2 day (my fave)
Kid 1: Do you think the teacher will get mad? (I don't know what he was talking about.)
Me: YES.
Kid 2: Nahh she has a sense of humor. She told us to be quiet but then was talking with us.
LOL
April 4
Subbing day 32
1/2 Day Reading Lab
Junior high
Kinda loving that the sub plans are so thorough AND that they’re taped to the white board so I don’t lose them.
April 7
Subbing day 33
9th grade language & literature
The biggest two differences between honors classes and regular classes are:
*the sassiness level
*the ability/inability to focus/work in the midst of chaos
Subbing day 33
(continued)
9th grade language & lit
I witnessed something pretty amazing today.
During my first three days subbing last November, and a few times since, there was a student I'll call Dave that was in my classes.
He was extremely anxious to the point of cowering his head at all times. He wouldn't communicate much with anyone. He had a few friends, but they were mostly emotional protectors.
Once, when he was off task and had been reminded a few times to get back on task, he blew up at me. I was told it happened a lot. So I mostly tried to leave him alone because he couldn't handle much interaction. Almost like he was afraid the world was going to crumble on top of him.
Well, today, April 7th, this kid is A MILLION TIMES different. Like, I had to keep checking the name to make sure it was the same kid.
Today, he was sitting upright the entire class period. He was interacting with me and the other students. Compeltely at ease with no anxiety that I could tell. He was LAUGHING with his classmates. I couldn't believe it! This kid was barely functional only a few months ago, and now he's thriving. From what he was saying, it was obvious that he was very bright and funny.
I don't know what has changed in this young man's life, but he is a different person from November/December. I'm so amazed and happy for him.
April 12
Subbing day 34
Senior & junior English
It’s senior skip day so I was at risk for twiddling my thumbs most of today until I got the go-ahead to organize seven bookshelves of very disorganized books.
It actually didn’t take me very long to divide them by genre.
Here’s a before and after pic of just two of the shelves.
Subbing day 34
(continued)
Scene: the teacher's lounge
Subject of Conversation: jobs we've had in the past that caused us to smell funky
Me: "Well, I grew up on a dairy farm so I'm not going to tell you what I smelled like."
Subbing day 34
(continued)
The teacher had THIS AMAZING GLOBE
April 14
Subbing day 35
7th grade science 1/2 day
Teacher: “Don’t ask about the Nerf guns. The students gave them to me.”
Me: “Do you get the students with them?”
Student, smiling: “Sometimes…..”
Subbing day 35
(Continued)
When I enter a classroom, I like to learn what I can about the teacher.
For example, this teacher owns stock OR practices a religion in Post It notes.
April 18
Subbing day 36
High school Spanish
I’m in a new building on campus and this is a new key for a new door and it got really STUCK but three other teachers immediately helped to get it free.
Because teachers are nice people but also, they don’t want to see a full classroom of students displaced
Subbing day 36
High school Spanish (continued)
“Nice try.”
“Nice try.”
“Not a chance.”
“You’ll have to try harder to hurt my feelings.”
“Are you a real gangster or just a wannabe gangster?”
“A minivan. What does it look like I drive?”
April 19
Subbing day 37
High school Spanish
“Oh no… she found it.”
Subbing 37
High school Spanish (continued)
Kid funnies:
Girl talking about a good-looking student: “I was shaking his hand and as I was holding it I…I had to take a breath.”
Same girl later: “I was sick and my grandma put her hand on my head and said, ‘demons be gone!’“
—-
Girl: “Did you murder someone???”
Boy: “Um noooo.”
Girl: “But your shoes!!! Red splatters!”
***Everyone is invested now.
Me: “That’s not blood. That’s paint.”
High school Spanish (continued)
Kid funnies:
Girl talking about a good-looking student: “I was shaking his hand and as I was holding it I…I had to take a breath.”
Same girl later: “I was sick and my grandma put her hand on my head and said, ‘demons be gone!’“
—-
Girl: “Did you murder someone???”
Boy: “Um noooo.”
Girl: “But your shoes!!! Red splatters!”
***Everyone is invested now.
Me: “That’s not blood. That’s paint.”
April 26
Subbing day 38
7th grade language & lit
Every time I sub middle schoolers:
"WE HAVE A SUB?"
"Where is our teacher? Did she die?"
"When is our teacher coming back?"
"Are you married to the gym teacher (Mr. Snyder)?"
"ARE YOU THE SUB WITH STICKERS?"
"Stickers!"
"Stickers!"
"Stickers!"
(continued)
If you want 7th graders to behave....
"Oh... don't do that. Only the elementary kids do that."
Literally works every time LOL
(continued again)
7th grade
*Scene: Me approaching Squirrelly Kid in 8th period*
Me: Hey buddy, you doing ok?
Squirrelly Kid: Yep. I have ADHD.
Me: Oh yeah? So does my son.
Squirrelly Kid: Does he move around a lot too?
Me: He’s on the track team.
*Later…. Squirrelly Kid pulls out a full bottle of cologne and opens the lid.*
Me: Nope… nope… nope! Close it! I can smell it!
Squirrelly Kid: But I didn’t even spray it.
Me: It’s in the whole class now. Put it away…. Put it away….
Squirrelly Kid: But look at the lid! It’s magnetic!
Me: Put it away…. Put it away….
Girl: Can I go stand in the hall? I can’t breathe.
Me: Yes, go.
Squirrelly Kid (puts away cologne): Geez. That other girl over there sprays perfume and doesn’t get in trouble.
Me: That’s because she’s way more sneaky. You’re too obvious. You gotta work on that.
Squirrelly Kid: You know that hand sanitizer over there? It smells like flowers and Jesus.
May 3
Subbing day 39
High school science
The door stoppers often get loose.
Which means you have to bend over to flip them up.
Unless you’re this teacher I subbed for… she had a creative solution that’s also quite attractive.
Continued
High school science
We had an interesting discussion about “National Lumpy Rug Day.”
May 5
Subbing day 40
-High school Spanish 1/2 day
-6th grade leadership 1/2 day
-7th grade language and literature prep period
I don’t even know what happened today.
So many weird things.
Dang.
Your kids are getting trunky.
May 9
Subbing day 41
High school chemistry
Girl to her friend: “I just pulled the cabinet and the handle came off. So I figured it was mine. It’s been in my backpack a while...”
Me: *holding my hand out*
(Continued)
High school chemistry
Girl sneaks out of class into hallway. I follow her. I see a group of four kids down the hall. One of them has a small box.
Me: “Hey… what’s that?”
Girl: “Taco Bell.”
Girl returns to class.
Me: “That’s a new one.”
May 12
Subbing day 42
High school math
Half day — afternoon
I have a migraine. I took a nap, a bath, then rolled onto campus. By some miracle, the students were quiet.
Also, the raisins in my trail mix solidified. Not that I would eat squishy ones.
May 16
Subbing day 43
High school Spanish
Half day
I appreciate honesty.
Me: “Did you do the assignment?”
Student: “I half-a$&ed it.”
May 18
Subbing day 44
Junior high Mandarin
6th graders are not sneaky
(continued)
Junior high Mandarin
Level of grasping this concept is LOW
(continued)
Junior high Mandarin
Thus ends my 2021-2022 school year of subbing.
I’ve learned so many things. Considered becoming a teacher for five seconds then realized I am better as a “come at the last second and wing it” kinda gal who never has to grade homework or deal with the long term stuff.
Teachers are honestly some of the strongest people. Emotionally and physically.
If you’re wondering, yes, I plan to sub next school year. I enjoy the kids and I already drive there anyway. Why not? Plus I get lots of fun material to share.
So, before I sign off til August, a few things:
-If you have extra pencils, donate to a teacher. Kids “forget” them daily.
-Some teachers need couches or comfy chairs in their classrooms for prep period lounging. In case you are getting rid of any.
-Lots of teachers need more storage. In case you’re getting rid of bookshelves.
-Many teachers have mini fridges and microwaves but not all. In case you are getting rid of any. They would literally be so happy!
-Email your kids’ teachers and tell them what an awesome job they did. Most days are hard and they will keep those happy words handy to boost their spirits.
-Teach your children to be respectful. I can never say this enough times. I can handle a class full of unruly kids until one of them disrespects me, then I’m just over it.
-Your kids are hilarious and goofy and sweet and annoying. Lol
Until 2022-2023
Subbing day 45
High school independent studies
Period one got off to a great start.
I do the intimidating walk around the room and stop and stare at the gigglers.
“It’s pretty obvious that school work isn’t making you laugh. So get better at pretending, or maybe do actual work.
Justin: “That’s the Faith & Serenity bench.”
Me, thinking how nice to have a lovely bench for that.
Justin: “It’s where Faith and Serenity had a fight last year.”
One of the kids I carpool with was in my class today and he helped himself to a page of my stickers.
But he’s happy. So.
Subbing day 46
Junior high math
6th grade math
(Continued from yesterday)
Many times, there's that one kid in class who has an item on their desk. A bracelet. A mini skateboard. A silly eraser. A collection of pens. You name it, I've seen it.
They put this item politely on their desk and wait. They look up at you to see if you'll notice the item (aka, THEM). If you walk by once or twice without noticing, they'll play with the item. I never take these items away. Because to these kids, they are ice breakers.
Yesterday this funny kid had a bracelet and kept playing with it nand NOT doing his work. So I walked up and asked if I could see it. He thought he was in trouble. I told him it was a cool bracelet and that I liked it. Then I put it down and walked away.
The kid didn't play with the bracelet anymore. In fact, he finished his math test!
Kids are weird. They have their own little language.
Subbing day 47
7th grade English
During prep period I spied on this sweet 6th grader.
I guess I’m not too embarrassing for her…. Yet. I’ll try harder.
First period = many blank stares while doing their “Escape Room” group work. Answer this: How many zombies to mummies????? Now in bigger ratios???
I had the answers but not “how” … thankfully I figured it out.
The rest of the class periods, the students are starting with some practice ratios. To lessen the blank stares.
Did I mention I’m not a fan of math? Like, I can do it, but it’s paiiiiiiinful.
So what I’m saying is, I’m empathetic to the students. Lol
Subbing day 49
6th grade leadership
First period boys tried to wreck me but they did not.
But when they couldn’t find their presentation poster after 20 minutes of horsing around I let them sweat about it for as long as possible.
“I get to go home and forget about it but you have to come back tomorrow and tell your teacher.”
A little mean maybe? TBH they deserved it.
Girl in class: They are so rude and annoying.
Me: That’s the definition of most 6th grade boys.
Best part of subbing middle school? Having lunch with this girl.
Subbing day 49
Continued
6th grade leadership
Today was mostly cringe because: presentations.
99% were awkward but this one kid!!!!! Oh my heavens. He has an IEP and other students know he’s “different” but they didn’t treat him different.
Rather than making his poster the regular expected way, he made a comic! When it was his turn he acted out the whole thing!
Then he took questions from the crowd.
He’s definitely one to watch.
Subbing day 49
Continued again
6th grade history
——> during my prep period
“Ohmygoshweneedyoutocoveraclassafewdoorsdownakkkkk!!!” Anyway, I walk in and there are confusing instructions and the slide show/tech isn’t working and I’m like gahhhhh!!!! So I ask a teacher across the way for help. She gives me advice to just forget the slides and be analogue. Lol
So…. Basically we go over the info in a packet about ancient Egypt. It’s long and boring. I offer the Cliffs Notes version.
“Ancient Egypt is a desert, like Phoenix right? So most of the year it’s dry, like Phoenix. The Nile River would flood once a year, like how we get monsoons and flood in Phoenix, right? ….
“They have to like, grow their own food, since there wasn’t Walmart nearby.”
Students are fascinated with the rain.
I am trying to keep them calm by playing Piano Guys. Not really working but oh well. Some boys taught me a handshake so maybe I’m in a club now.
Due to much dramatic nose blowing… I added the part in red.
Subbing day 52
1/2 day
High school History
If students put forth as much excitement and passion into their studies as they did into picking out a sticker…..
Subbing Day 53
high school history
Two students come in timidly to fill their teacher's water bottle... they are trying to act all grown up. Student A: *Clears his throat* So... how about that economy, huh?
Me: Is that what you think we talk about? Because we mostly talk about students.
Student A: Oh, like how handsome I am?
Me: No, that would be inappropriate.
Subbing day 54
6th grade leadership
Plus 6th grade math during prep
Things that derail 6th graders:
Literally every single thing EVERY SINGLE THING
Things that make them quiet:
Talking about my dog
Showing pics of my dog
Threatening to write them up
Letting them go to the restroom
Subbing day 55
6th grade math
Kids: Why do YOU get to use a calculator???
Me: Because I’m an old lady.
Kid: I don’t want to do math. Can I decay inside? Me: Sure.
Girls with makeup who won’t quit chatting….
Me: I’m a blank slate. Give me a makeover. *they put make up on me and I dunno what’s happening* Ok you can stop now.
Kid: We are working so hard.
Me: It looks like you’re playing with various office supplies.
Kid: Why do we have to learn this?
Me: Actually percentages are useful as an adult.
Kid: But I’m only 11!
Kid who refuses to do work: I’m going to be a lawyer.
Me: You still need basic math skills.
Kid: *proceeds to argue every angle*
Me: You’ll probably be a good lawyer.
Subbing day 56
Junior high mandarin
Me: Do you need something?
Kid: No.
Me: You’re following me around the classroom. Kid: I know.
Me: Stop doing that.
Kid: But I like following you.
Subbing day 56
Junior high mandarin
(continued)
I did a 5k around the classroom.
Subbing day 57
Junior high math
PLUS 8th grade band during prep period
A kid was eating pickles out of a bag so guess what happened when another kid bumped him? Kid: “Oh man. I’m gonna smell like pickles all day!”
Me: “There are worse things to smell like…”
Subbing day 58
7th grade English
The kids had to write a letter to a main character from a book in the Middle Ages. To give her advice about stuff.
Me: So make sure your advice is relevant. Like don’t tell her to get a cell phone or something. Me: There were no towers.
Me: Or electricity….
I did something I vowed I would never do again… Sign up to sub 8th grade.
I don’t see how those two things aren’t related. My subconscious always finds a way.
Subbing day 59
1/2 day
HS independent studies
This was the best assignment to ease back into subbing.
The most exciting thing that happened was seeing which girl’s fake nails were longest.
Subbing day 60
High school…
Mandarin
Geometry
Lang & Literature
I signed up for half day geometry then got talked into covering the full day because so many teachers were out.
It was fine. I’m fine. Students are all fine. School is still standing.
Justin didn’t appreciate me being his surprise sub 8th period but he got a soda for his trouble.
So much homecoming drama or “tea” as the kids say.
Lots of loud giggling. But isn’t giggling nice? It’s fun seeing friendships happening. Doing each other’s hair. Spraying perfume. Pop culture. Student telling us about her birth mother. High schoolers are funny.
Subbing day 61
7th grade lang & lit
Prep period cover for 7th grade history
I’ve subbed for this lang & lit class many times. They are great! The teacher is organized and has them well trained. It’s been a super quiet day.
Covering history during prep was very much NOT quiet. Oh my dear heavens those kids. That teacher has a fidget check out wall! It’s so cool! Except the boys use them as weapons. So, yeah.
I mean, they have been learning about the revolutionary war, so I suppose they want to act it out.
Subbing day 62
7th grade leadership
6th grade Spanish during prep
Half eaten sriracha jelly bean.
I wasn’t about to try the Carolina reaper thank you very much. The day before Thanksgiving break, subbing these kids is like herding a bunch of dancing kittens.
Subbing day 62
Continued
Behold! The chancla that watches over 7th grade Spanish! I accidentally knocked it over and the students freaked out. Lol
8th grade math
How did subbing go today???
About like this picture
I signed up for high school English but the school switched me last second AND there were zero sub plans so I cleaned and the kids watched the World Cup and got stickers.
When subbing, it’s important to show the kids that you are well aware of the rules.
And that you know they know.
Subbing day 64
High school math
LAST DAY OF SUBBING
Things I like about this classroom (see pics) Dallin is in my 3rd period and I tried to embarrass him but the kid just doesn’t get embarrassed
Guess the age of the student:
Mrs Snider! So, instead of one sticker could I have a whole page?? I have big plans.
------------------------------------------
It is with a heavy heart that I announce that I will no longer be substitute teaching. (Will I still write a book? Of course!)
I’ve been looking for a consistent writing job since August, because freelance gigs have been down, subbing is exhausting, and my kids are older now. They need me but they’re also expensive, kwim?
I asked God for help and He was like, “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you. Like always.” I was not patient, but what’s new. So anyway. After crickets for a while, I finally finally had two job offers this week. Woot!!
Timing is funny, and how things come about is funny.
I had spruced up my resume to send out, and I informed a freelance client that I included her as a reference. The she was like, Wait! No! You should work for this other company and the writing position is being created right now!
And I was like, uhhhh ok. Sure!
Long story short, I’m going full time remote! My dream!
My husband is going to be my new home office coworker, and he’s already making demands about how the curtains must be drawn during web meetings because of the constant Phoenix sun glare, and etc. I already have noise canceling headphones so I’m sure it will be fine.
Oh! The job is Copywriter for Cove Smart (Draper, Utah) and I start Monday.
