It's hard when you're really sick. But I learned a lot this time round. I learned who my friends are, the people who really care about me. I also became extremely thankful for many little things which I never used to think twice about.
About two weeks ago, I started getting a sore throat, fever, chills, and aches all over. I still went to sing at the Cabbagetown Festival with my church's worship team but I had to leave before the last set because I was feeling so horrible. I was also could not lead worship on Sunday, which I was scheduled for.
The pain in my throat has since varied in intensity, but I recall that when it was at its worst (it felt like someone was stabbing me every time I swallowed my own saliva), I prayed, "God, please heal me so that I can at least serve you again!" Almost immediately, I realized how absurd that prayer was. It dawned on me that
*I* depended on
GOD for everything! He doesn't really need me to do anything for him. All I can do is sit in the dust as Job did and humbly thank God for all the ways my body is able to function! For every breath!
Here are some of the things I am thankful for today, and looking forward to when I'm all better:
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SINGING! - I miss singing along with my music, singing to God, leading worship at church!
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Talking - I wish I knew sign language - and that everyone I knew did too! Communication is so inconvenient without speech; I salute all my deaf and mute friends out there! At the moment though, I'm thankful for computers and being able to type my response to people. Just now, Gchat wasn't working and that's when I was really thankful for my primary communication tool while I'm home alone and can't talk! The worst is not being able to thank cashiers when I just bought stuff, since they don't know that I want to thank them, I'm just unable to speak!
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Hearing - Because of my throat infection, the pressure in my head/sinuses have been messed up, so I keep hearing an echo in my ears! It's really annoying because I can hear my breathing and my heartbeat really loudly, so everything else gets drowned =( Can't enjoy my music!
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Standing/sitting/lying down - When I had the fever and chills at the beginning, my whole body ached all over constantly! It was so difficult for me to stand in line at the walk-in clinic...I eventually had to lean against the nearby wall. Even sitting or lying down in one spot for too long made me sore. Makes me think about the people who have chronic back pain or some other kind of pain...How often are we thankful for simply being able to sleep, sit in front of our TV, walk, stand without feeling any kind of discomfort?
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Eating/drinking/SWALLOWING - Oh man, this has been the most difficult and long-lasting of all! It has seriously felt like someone was stabbing my throat every time I swallowed. Some days I wouldn't eat anything all day until I knew I really should, and when I did, I was gripping the chair so tight because swallowing KILLED.
The last thing I learned...
CHINESE DOCTORS ARE THE BEST!!!
Haha...it's just that the first 2 doctors I saw kept saying that I don't need to eat or not eat certain things. If eating/drinking cold things makes my throat feel better, then go ahead. So I was doing that, which didn't make things better! Finally, the last doctor I saw (he was not a "Chinese Medicine" doctor, just that he's a doctor that's Chinese!) said that cold things may make my throat feel better at the time, but do not help with bringing down the swelling! I should drink warm water with honey in it...constant sipping to keep my throat moist. So I did that and IT'S WORKING!!! I can't believe how much something as simple as honey can do!!! I could jump up and dance now even though I still can't talk and the wound still hurts because I feel soooo much better compared to yesterday when I didn't know how I was going to go on another day =)
