I'M DONE

As of Wednesday I am officially done with radiation. I am soooooooooo glad. What a relief to not have to drive to the hospital every day. I will miss the wonderful staff but that is the only thing I will miss. My last treatment was like a small farewell party. I passed out chocolate bars, took some pictures, and had everyone sign my quilt. My nurse, Denise, gave me a small fleece blanket. After my treatment I saw Dr. Harris for the last time (except for check ups). After I got dressed I came out to find the entire staff, some I didn't even know, waiting to say goodbye. The is a poem and a bell on the wall. When a patient is done with their last treatment they get to read the poem and ring the bell three times to celebrate. After hugging everyone one last time I left to go home.

On Thursday morning got up, took the kids to school, then went home and went back to be. I slept for four more hours. It felt so good.

I will be starting the tamoxifen, estrogen blocker, soon. Dr. Gray said that I could start it a week or two after I finish radiation. I am strongly considering waiting until the holidays are over to start it.

Now that my major treatments are done, I will probably be posting less frequently, at least about my health. Thank you to everyone who has helped me and my family over the last 11 months. We will never forget all that you have done. Thank you.

Candace

Only 5 more treatments to go

Today was radiation #25. It should have been #26 but I didn't end up having treatment on Monday. I will get to that in a minute. A lot has happened since I posted last. Shawn had his appointment with the neurologist on Wednesday. For some reason he could not view the MRI on the CD that he had me pick up so he went from the written results. I just put the CD into my computer and the images came up fine. According to Dr. Varma, Shawn has some very minor arthritis in his neck, possibly from some earlier injury. Shawn has never injured his neck that we know of. Dr. Varma wants him to do some stretching exercises and come back in 6 weeks. He also ordered a vascular MRI of a blood vessel at the bottom of Shawn's brain which looked a little different on the MRI from 2007. Once again we left the doctor's office wondering how to help his headache. Shawn is going to try the exercises and hopefully they will help.

Thursday was Thanksgiving. Tyler and David went to our Ward's Turkey Bowl, flag football game, in the morning. They had a lot of fun. Our friend Kami had her yearly Thanksgiving brunch so we went to that next. It it always fun to see her. My sister, Katrina, was there also. It was nice to see her, Chad, and Amanda especially since we were not spending Thanksgiving with them. We headed to my Mother-in-law, Ruth's house next. She made a very nice Thanksgiving feast. David's brothers Jim and Rich were both there with their families. That added up to 15 people. Mariah got a bad headache right after eating. David thinks that she is probably allergic to something she ate because it came on so fast like his does when he eats at certain restaurants. We have never been able to pinpoint what he is allergic to but he knows that there are certain restaurants that use something in their food that can instantly give him a severe headache/migraine. Mariah probably has the same allergy. She ended up spending most of the afternoon downstairs asleep. Shawn and Tyler played games with Melissa while I looked at the ads to see if there was anything worth going out for on Friday morning. David ended up taking Mariah home early because she has started throwing up from the headache and being too hot. I came home with the boys after they finished the game they were playing. Mariah was feeling better by the time we got home.

Black Friday is one of my favorite days of the year. I love to go shopping for the deals. It is about the only day of the year that I voluntarily get up early. I don't mind the crowds and I try not to go for the things that people go all crazy over. I left about 3:30 a.m. headed for Walmart. Out Walmart is open 24 hours a day so I don't have to stand out in the cold. I am getting too old for that anymore. First thing I do is walk around and scout out where they have all of the wrapped pallets of what I want to get. Once I know where everything is I go wait next to whatever it is I want the most. The item I was originally planning on going for was located back where layaway used to be. That is also where they had most of the big ticket electronic items that the crazy people also wanted. The line at 3:45 was already pretty long so I checked that off my list and made a new plan. I can't write down what I bought because my kids might see this before Christmas. Needless to say I got everything that I wanted from my new plan. I made several stops and was home by 10:00.

We had listed Shawn's old bike on KSL. A lady came on Friday afternoon to buy it. One of the tires needed to be replaced so I talked to her while David changed the tire. Meanwhile her kids were climbing on David's workout equipment. We didn't notice that they undid something which caused a bar to fall on the floor. As I turned to walk past it I tripped over the bar and fell on the garage floor. I tore a hole in my pants, cut and bruised my knee and leg, and bruised my wrist. Luckily I wasn't hurt worse. I was sure glad when they left. I put some ice on my leg and arm and then took a long nap for the rest of the afternoon.

Saturday didn't start out very well. I didn't feel very well in the morning. At first I thought I had just over did it on Friday. By afternoon I was getting worse. By evening David, Shawn, and Tyler were feeling sick also. It turns out that Ruth, Melissa, Wendy, Rich, and Tootie were also sick. Wendy got sick on Friday. Her son Ayden had numerous runny, stinky diapers on Thursday but we didn't think anything of it because babies frequently have that problem. Looking back he probably had a bug that the rest of us picked up. Mariah probably avoided getting sick because she stayed away from everyone due to her headache. The bug hit me hard. It put me in bed until Tuesday. We all stayed home from church on Sunday.

On Monday David stayed home from work to help me. He took Mariah to school then we went to my radiation treatment. I was still too weak to feel comfortable driving. Before we got there, the hospital called to tell us that the machine was broken. We stopped at Walmart instead. By the time we got home I was exhausted. I ended up sleeping for several hours. David took Shawn to his MRI in the afternoon. Dr. Varma will call us if anything shows up on it.

I was feeling much better yesterday. I went to radiation in the afternoon once they finished fixing the machine. I also took Shawn to the massage therapist.

Today was my last radiation on the area under my arm. The side effects in that area should start getting better in about two weeks. The last five treatments will only be on the area around my scar tissue. The burn under my arm has gotten pretty bad. It hurts a lot more than it did just a week and a half ago. I have been trying several different things. A friend of mine let me try some of the silvidine that she had. I don't know if I was using too many things too close together, but nothing seemed to work very well. Everything seemed to leave a film or crust over the burn. On Monday the top layer of the burn started to crack and peal. That actually helped it feel a little better because it relieved the pressure from the skin being so tight. Yesterday my massage therapist gave me some lotion and an enzymatic water enhancer. Those two things combined with the aloe vera I have been using seems to be helping a little. My nurse said that the swelling seems better today than it was on Tuesday.

When it rains, it pours. I just broke a chunk off the crown I have on one of my teeth. My dentist won't be in the office until next Tuesday then it will be another two to three weeks before they can get a replacement made. I am so tied of going to doctor's appointments. Things have got to be better next year.

Radiation #22

Today was radiation treatment #22. My radiation burn is getting worse each day. Under the arm it is starting to hurt so I am holding my arm up more to make it feel better. Yesterday I told Brandi and Brooke, my radiation therapists, and they gave me some samples of Aquaphor healing ointment. It is supposed to moisturize the skin and help it heal. It is like smearing Vaseline on your skin. It doesn't soak in very well, is very greasy, makes the skin stick together, and gets on my clothes. I don't really like using it but I am willing to if it helps. I put it on 3 times yesterday but I don't feel like it helped much. If anything, it may have made it hurt more because of the skin sticking to everything.

Yesterday when I was at Walmart I ran into a lady from Texas who has metastatic breast cancer. It has spread to her breast bone and to her lungs. She is currently taking an oral chemotherapy treatment. The chemo has kept it from growing or spreading. She was so positive and upbeat about it. She is here visiting family for Thanksgiving. I know our meeting each other wasn't by chance. I feel that we were both at Walmart at the same time for a reason. She mentioned that when she was doing radiation when she was first diagnosed with cancer several years ago, she was treated at the U of U. They gave her a prescription called "silvadine". She used it right from the very beginning and never developed a burn at all. When I had my appointment with my Radiation Oncologist, Dr. Harris today, I talked to him about the burns. He said that they weren't bad enough yet for him to give me a prescription for the silvadine. I am frustrated that they have to get a lot worse before he will give me something stronger to help the burn. He said to keep doing what I have been doing and add some hydrocortisone creme and ibuprofen, which I did right after my appointment. Brooke said that the burns are bad enough that they might break open this weekend. I am really hoping that they don't. Right now they are just uncomfortable under the arm because of the constant use of my arm and because the skin touches other red skin near it and the medicine causes it to stick. The pulling apart adds to the tenderness. Kristi told me about something else I am going to try. Sheri also brought me an aloe vera plant so I am going to try putting the aloe directly from the plant on it and see if that helps.

Tomorrow is Shawn's appointment with the neurologist. We should find out the test results then.

Only 2 weeks to go

Thanksgiving is this week so I don't have radiation on Thursday. I also don't have it on Friday. So many of the patients were going to be out of town so they moved Friday's radiation to today, Sunday, November 23rd. As of today I have completed 20 of the 30 radiation treatments. Three more this week, five next week, and the final two in two weeks.

Today when I came out of radiation there was a whole family waiting with the next patient. They weren't waiting in the waiting room by the office. They were standing right outside the door to the treatment area. That was a little uncomfortable because all you have on is a short sheet wrapped around where your shirt should be and my skirt for church. Luckily the dressing room was only a few feet away. While I was changing, the family broke out into a shouting match. They were fighting over how some of the family was treating the patient, an older woman, like she was already dead. They were making her do what they wanted her to do, not what she wanted to do. All I could think is that I felt bad for her that her family was letting this pull them apart instead of pulling them closer together. I am so grateful that my family and friends are helping me by pulling together instead of adding to the stress. In the end all we can take with us is our relationships with our family and friends and our testimony of Christ. Nothing else matters. It is so sad that people let things like selfishness, greed, material possessions, ego, hurt feelings, the need to always be right, etc rob them of the only things that matter.

Port Surgery

Monday marked the half way point for my radiation treatment. My skin is becoming more irritated and showing signs of a slight burn. It doesn't look like a normal sunburn. The burn has thousands of tiny pin prick size burn dots. Some of the dots have a thin scab on top. The skin is also a little tender but nothing too bad. My radiation therapist said that I need to start putting aloe vera on it every day even when it doesn't hurt.

Yesterday I had surgery to remove my port. We had to be at the hospital at 6 a.m. but the surgery wasn't actually scheduled until 8 a.m. After checking in I had to fill out paperwork again where I had to list my medications. I wish they would remind us to bring a list with me when the hospital called to tell me the time of the surgery. Chemo brain makes it very hard to remember the names let alone the dosage of all my prescriptions, vitamins, and any other over the counter things I am taking. My nurse was nice but she wasn't very good with inserting my IV. She tried twice but couldn't get it it. She spent several minutes, it felt like about 15 minutes, with the needle inserted in my hand fishing around trying to catch something. It felt like she was trying to thread it clear up my arm. That was probably the most painful time I have ever had with an IV. I have had nurses miss before but I don't ever remember them fishing around for so long. Thank heavens she gave up after two tries. The nurse anesthetist that came in got it in my arm before I even realized she was done. I wish she was there earlier.

I was completely ready by about 7:15 a.m. I watched TV until they took me in around 8:30. The surgery took about 15-20 minutes. I asked Dr. Jordan to save my port so that I could show everyone what it looks like. It is about 10 inches long, 3/4 inch high, and the base is 1 1/4 inches across, just a little bigger than a quarter. The tube that went into my vain near my heart is about 1/8 " across. I am sooooo glad to have that out. Yesterday with the bandaging still on it almost felt like it was still there. It seems strange to feel my collar bone and not feel the tube going over the top. I can still see where the tube was. The skin is a slightly different color than the skin around it, probably because it was irritated by the tube being under the skin for so long.

I arrived back in the pre-op room a little before 9:00 and left for radiation around 9:30. I think we were home by 10:00. I went right in and went to bed. I ate around 1:00 then stayed in bed most of the day. I didn't hurt too bad until the local anesthesia started to wear off in the evening. I hate pain medicine so all I took was ibuprofen. That seemed to be enough.

Radiation was harder today because my left shoulder is pretty sore. I am going to have to try not to use my right arm very much because every time I move the muscle it hurts. I can even feel it when I am typing.

Not much has changed with Shawn. He had an MRI of his neck on Tuesday. I picked up a copy of the MRI of his head that he had done in February 2007 to take to his new neurologist. I am going to drop that off at his office tomorrow. Part of me is dreading going to his appointment next week because it feels like we have been here before. Every time he would have a new test for his stomach problems they would tell us that everything was normal and that they didn't know why he was having the pain or what to do about it. Then they would say it must be some illness that has a name but basically covers everything that doesn't show up on a test then they would send us home without any answers or improvement in his problem. At this point the doctor thinks he has solved the problem because he has put a name to it. He pats himself on the back and moves on to someone else so you start looking for another doctor who won't give up until they help relieve the problem. A few weeks later we get the bill for several hundred dollars and feel helpless because your child is obviously in pain and their is nothing you can do about it. I don't want them to find anything seriously wrong yet I hope they see something that gives them an idea of how to help him before he misses another year of school and life.

2 week update

I now have two weeks of radiation behind me. I am feeling tired more frequently now. So far my skin isn't too irritated, knock on wood, but I did notice today that I have a light tan. I came down with a sinus infection last week but luckily it was the morning of my check up with my oncologist. He gave me some antibiotics which helped a lot. I still have stuff at the back of my throat that is making me cough but so far it isn't going down into my chest.

Yesterday was my check up with my surgeon, Dr. Rosenthal. I went to my 10th radiation treatment right after I dropped the kids off at school. My regular appointment time changed to 9:15 last week. The person who was coming at that time finished their treatment so the time slot opened up. I like this time a lot better because I can go early and then get whatever else I need done before I run out of energy. After I finished radiation I made a few stops then headed to Salt Lake. Why does it seem that it is always bad weather when I have to drive to Salt Lake. It was pouring rain all day. I arrived at Dr. Rosenthal's office by LDS hospital right on time for my appointment. The only problem was that I never received the letter telling me that they had moved their office to Murray by the new hospital. Luckily the letter was posted on the door with the address and phone number. It took me about 30 minutes to get to the new office. My appointment time was at 11:15 but I didn't end up getting home until 3:00. I am sure glad that I don't have to drive to Salt Lake for all my treatments, especially radiation since that is every day, because that makes for a long day and I am worn out by the time I am done. Dr. Rosenthal said everything looks great. She does want me to schedule my 6 month mammogram check on the right side. I am a little late on that but I have been a little busy with other things. This is just a precaution. She doesn't think that they will find anything but I still need the regular screenings just to be safe.

Today I went to radiation again then at 10:15 I had an appointment with Dr. Jordan, the surgeon who put in my port, to decide when to take it out. He said I could keep it in if I want to but I WANT IT OUT ASAP. I am tired of it being sore whenever it gets bumped or something rubs it wrong. I will be so glad when it is gone. I did mention that I wanted to see what it looks like so he said he would save it for me to take home after he takes it out. I did find out some good news. I thought that they would just use a local anesthesia and that I would be awake when they take it out. The good news is that they are going to put me out so that I don't know what is going on. The surgery doesn't scare me it is the idea of being conscious of what they are doing that freaks me out. That surgery is scheduled for next Wednesday, November 19th. It should only take 15 - 20 minutes. I will find out the time when they call me on Tuesday. After I wake up, if I am feeling up to it, I will go do my radiation treatment before I go home. What a day that will be.

Shawn still has a headache. We see the neurologist on Thursday. I hope they can give him something to stop the pain so that he can go back to being a teenager. He has a lot of homework to catch up on. The school has been great to work with. We did get him signed up for the electronic high school for a few classes but he hasn't started working on anything yet. It is all he can do to go to the 4 classes he has left and try to catch up on what he missed in the 1st quarter. I hope Thursday's appointment gives us some hope. My friend Beth has been an angel. She gives him a massage to help ease the pain. I'll let you know how Thursday goes.

More radiation

Today was the first time I went to church without even taking a scarf with me. I have been wearing a scarf to sacrament meeting and Sunday school. Occassionally I would take the scarf off during Relief Society when I wasn't feeling good. Today we went to a friend's ward for their baby's blessing. My hair is finally filled in enough that I feel like it looks semi-normal. A friend of mine gave me a trim yesterday so that there aren't any long strands sticking up. I am getting tired of wearing scarves all the time. I still took my pashmina that my cousin James sent me from Paris. It comes in handy as a wrap at church when I get cold and doubles as a large scarf to keep my head and shoulders dry on rainy days like today.

Radiation on Thursday and Friday wasn't much different than Wednesday. Mariah and Tyler had Friday off of school so they went with me to radiation. The technicians let them come back and see the radiation machine then they waited in the waiting room while I had my treatment.

Halloween Party

Last night was our ward Halloween party. Everyone dressed up in their costumes and went to the church for dinner, games, and trick-or-treating around the cultural hall. Mariah was Tinkerbell, Tyler was a Roman soldier, and Shawn was a medieval sorcerer. I decided to take advantage of my short hair so I was my husband, David. I combed my hair like a guy, put on a white shirt and tie, brown dress pants, David's socks, black loafers, and drew a mustache and goatee on my face. Then I went around the room shaking hands and introducing myself as David Tatton.

For a few weeks after David was released from the bishopric, he grew a mustache and goatee. It was a joke between him and his best friend that when he was released he would rebel and the facial hair was a sign of that rebellion. He looked really good but decided to shave it off after 2 weeks. I didn't look very much like David but everyone loved the idea. One sister even did a double take when she didn't recognize me at first. Every year we have a lot of people who don't attend church in our ward who come with family, friends, or neighbors to the party. I think all she saw was the white shirt and tie and assumed that I was a new man in the ward. I enjoyed all the comments and laughs that I received from everyone.

Radiation

Yesterday I had my first radiation treatment. It went well. My appointment was for 1:45 p.m. My friend Marilyn went with me. Her husband worked there for 7 years until he was hired by Huntsman Cancer Institute. When we got there they took me right back to the treatment room. I laid down on a thin metal table and had to put my hands above my head like I did with the CT scan. This wasn't very comfortable partly because I am 5' 10" tall so my arms are longer than most women. I was supposed to hold onto two bars above my head but because of my long arms I had to bend my wrists down to hold onto them. This put pressure on the inside of my wrists and made my arms go numb. I had to stay like that for approximately 35 minutes while trying not to move.

After I laid down the technicians adjusted my body so that the dots that they drew on me last week were lined up with the machine then they took an x-ray of me. After showing the x-ray to the doctor they adjusted my body a little then took another x-ray. This one seemed to be right so they did my first dose of radiation on the area around my collar bone. This is to get any cancer cells that may have migrated from the lymph nodes that they removed to the lymph nodes by the collar bone. Next they moved the machine to another area, more to the side, and took another x-ray. That one we got right the first time so they gave me a dose of radiation on that area. Finally they moved to another angle and took a final x-ray and then dose of radiation. After the actual radiation treatment was complete it was time to get my permanent markers. The technician gave me 7 pin prick size tattoos. This was the most painful part of the visit. It was like getting 7 shots that are still a little sore today. They look like someone took a fine tip permanent marker and drew 7 fine black dots on me. To someone who doesn't know differently they probably look like a black freckle or tiny mole. Only one can be seen if I have on a t-shirt with a scooped neckline. I don't know why anyone would want to sit through that over and over again to get an actual tattoo that looks like something. I am too much of a wimp to go through that kind of pain if I don't absolutely have to. The whole radiation process took 45 minutes from when we arrived to when we left.

When I asked the technician how radiation works she basically said that the radiation damages ALL the cells in the area that it hits. Normal cells when hit with a small amount of radiation are able to repair themselves. Cancer cells are a mutant or abnormal mutation of the original cell. They can't repair themselves very well so the radiation ends up destroying them or at least that is the hope.

When I went for my radiation today I was in and out in 15 minutes. It took me longer to get parked and walk inside than it took for the actual treatment. The radiation to the three different sites took approximately 5 minutes. That included the technician putting this warm rubber mat on top of me to fool the machine into thinking that my skin was closer to it than it actually was so that the radiation can treat the top layers of skin as well as the tissue below. The radiation room was much warmer today which was nice also.

Radiation Scheduled

My radiation is finally scheduled. I was hoping to start on Monday but unfortunately they didn't get my planning done in time so I won't be able to start until Tuesday at 1:45. They wanted me to come in earlier in the day but my Young Survivor Sisters support group is meeting for lunch at 11:30 so I scheduled it for later. Starting on Wednesday my radiation will be at 10:45 each day. I am hoping to get an earlier appointment when someone else finishes their treatment. I will write more once I start.

Getting Ready For Radiation

I know it has been a long time since I have posted an update on my health. There hasn't been much to write about since my last chemo and starting the drug study. The nausea from the bone strengthening medicine has decreased. That is good news. I still feel it occasionally throughout the day but it only lasts for a short period of time. I am still not feeling very well in the evenings. By the time the kids get home from school most of my energy is gone. I try to take a nap when I am tired but I am having a hard time getting to sleep both during the day and at night. The weather in Utah keeps changing from warm to cold and back to warm again. When it changes it makes my bones ache more. My arms and legs hurt the most at night. I have a TENS, Transcutaneous Electric Nerve Stimulation machine that my foot doctor gave me that helps a little. It works by using an pulsing electrical current to block the pain signal from traveling to the brain and to stimulate the body's own natural pain-control mechanisms, endorphins. It helps when I am using it but I can only use it for 30 minutes at a time and on two small areas at a time. Once I take it off the ache usually returns after a while. David is wonderful to rub my legs, feet, and arms to help me get to sleep. That seems to be what helps the most.

Yesterday I went to Ogden Regional Hospital for a CT scan so that they can plan my radiation treatment. I am hoping to start on Monday, October 27th but I am still waiting for a call from the hospital to schedule that appointment. Yesterday all they did was put 5 dots with a permanent marker in an upside down T shape, 3 down my sternum and one on each side about half way down my ribs. These marks helped the nurse line up the machine and will help them line it up again on Monday. Before I left they put bandaids over the marks and told me not to wash them off until I come back again and they can replace them with permanent tattoo dots. I have never had any desire to get a tattoo before but I will soon be able to say I have 5 or 6 of them. My nurse said that they will be so small that most people don't even notice them. The marks will help them to line up the radiation machines each time so that they hit the specific area that they want and to hit as little of the surrounding organs as possible.

The CT room was cold. Somebody forgot to tell the maintenance people at the hospital to turn the cool air off. Also whoever designed the room wasn't very bright. The cool air blows out of a vent in the wall that directly faces the CT machine so that it is blowing right on the patient as they are getting their scan of their bare skin. The scan only took about 10 minutes. The uncomfortable part is having to keep my arms above my head for the whole time. Even though I could rest them on the table it isn't a position I would usually lay in. That is most likely the same position that they will use for the radiation treatments which will be 5 days a week for 6 weeks. I should finish sometime around the 8th or 9th of December depending on how much time they take off for Thanksgiving. The nurse said that last year some of the patients came in early on Thanksgiving day to still have their treatment. The most common side effect of radiation is a small burn like a sunburn and some fatigue. It is the fatigue from chemo and the emotional fatigue from Shawn being sick again that is starting to wear on me. I know that I still have a lot less fatigue than most patients who have been through chemo but it is frustrating to me on how little I get done each day.

I am still spending a lot of time running Shawn to appointments or picking him up from school when he can't make it the whole day. His headache is now going on about 5 weeks. I don't know why his body seems to hold onto pain, whether is is his stomach or his head, once the pain starts his body just doesn't seem to know how to turn it off. We have tried everything we can think of. I am currently waiting for the neurologist to call me back for an appointment. Last week I took him on Monday to the massage therapist, the chiropractor, and a regular doctor in case it was a sinus infection. On Tuesday we went to the acupuncturist and a homeopathic therapist on Wednesday. Most things help relieve some of the pain but nothing has gotten rid of it totally. The massage therapist and the homeopathic therapist are two new angels in our lives. I know that Heavenly Father is aware of Shawn's pain and has led us to them to help him. I didn't even know either of them before Shawn's headache started. Both of them made time in their schedules to work on him the same day that they heard about us. Judy, the message therapist, worked on him for the first time only days before her son's wedding. She spend over an hour and a half that she could have used getting ready for the wedding working on Shawn's muscles. Then when he was still in pain she set up a meeting with the man who taught her, he is retired now, to work on Shawn the day before the wedding. Ray spent over 2 hours helping Shawn and wouldn't let us pay him anything. He is another angel to us. Over the last year my eyes have been opened to the many acts of service that so many people do to help those around them. I firmly believe in the philosophy of "paying if forward" which means that when someone helps you, you can repay them by helping someone else in need. We don't need to wait for someone to help us, when we see someone who needs something that you can help with, help them. By doing this we can make the world a better place and ease each other's burdens. We will never know what a big difference one small act of kindness can make in some one's life. The Savior said "If you have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, you have done it unto me."

P.S. The two dogs we found last week showed up again yesterday. I had to call Nel to come pick them up again. I hope they don't make this a habit.

Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act

The blue writing is an email that I received today. Please take the time to read it. I had one of the 'drive-through' Mastectomies. The first paragraph is from a nurse that could have been mine.


From a nurse:

I'll never forget the look in my patients' eyes when I had to tell them they had to go home with the drains, new exercises and no breast. I remember begging the Doctors to keep these women in the hospital longer, only to hear that they would, but their hands were tied by the insurance companies. So there I sat with my patients, giving them the instructions they needed to take care of themselves, knowing full well they didn't grasp half of what I was saying, because the glazed, hopeless, frightened look spoke louder than the quiet 'Thank You' they muttered.



A mastectomy is when a woman's breast is removed in order to remove cancerous breast cells/ tissue . If you know anyone who has had a Mastectomy, you may know that there is a lot of discomfort and pain afterwards. Insurance companies are trying to make mastectomies an outpatient procedure. Let's give women the chance to recover properly in the hospital for 2 days after surgery. It takes 2 seconds to do this and is very important. Please take the time and do it! Please send this to everyone in your address book. If there was ever a time when our voices and choices should be heard, this is one of those times. If you're reading this, it's because I think you will take the 30 seconds to vote on this issue and send it on to others you know who will do the same. There's a bill called the Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act which will require insurance companies to cover a minimum 48-hour hospital stays for patients undergoing a mastectomy. It's about eliminating the 'drive-through' Mastectomy where women are forced to go home just a few hours after surgery, against the wishes of their doctor, still groggy from anesthesia and some times with drainage tubes still attached. Lifetime Television has put this bill on their Web page with a petition drive to show support. Last year over half the House signed on. PLEASE!! Sign the petition by clicking on the web site below. You need not give more than your name, state, and zip code. Click: www.lifetimetv.com/breastcancer/petition/signpetition.php This takes about half a minute. PLEASE PASS THIS ON to your friends and family, and on behalf of all women.



I wish this bill had been passed last year. My surgery started at 1:15 p.m. The surgery took 3 hours. I went home 2 hours later. I would have gone home sooner if the hospital had it's way. I was nauseated so I didn't want to leave but the out-patient center was closing so they wanted to send me home so they could go home. I was still so out of it that I don't even remember anything my nurse said to me before they sent me home. The drive home was miserable. The surgery was on Thursday. I had to drive back to Salt Lake, an hour away, on Friday to have a check up with my surgeon and again on Monday for a second check up. The drive back to Salt Lake on Friday was still pretty miserable. By Monday I was doing well enough that the drive wasn't too bad. I don't remember much about the first few days after surgery. I was pretty out of it. I do remember getting sick when I tried to eat something and had to have my 70 year old mother-in-law help me to the bathroom. I don't blame my doctor for doing my mastectomy as an out-patient but it would have been a lot easier on me if I had been able to stay at least 1 night in the hospital. Thank heavens that I did not have any complications. My doctor promised me that I would be able to reach her even over the weekend but I would have still been over an hour away from her. My mastectomy had good results but it could have been easier at the time. This bill would help other women to not have to go through a 'drive-through' Mastectomy like I did.

On September 25, 2008, the U.S. House of Representatives approved the bipartisan Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act, which would end the practice of "drive-through" mastectomies, when women are forced to leave the hospital within hours of undergoing major breast cancer surgery. But the act still needs your support! Sign the petition below now and urge the Senate and the president to take the next steps to pass this bill.

My life has gone to the dogs!

Two years ago if anyone had told me I would have 4 dogs staying at my house at one time I would have told them that they were CRAZY. At that time I didn't think we would ever even own a dog of our own. Now we have a wonderful 1 1/2 year old Australian Shepherd - Blue Healer mix dog named Bear. We didn't name him, the owners of his mother did. We kept the name because he looked like a soft teddy bear when we got him. He is a mamma's boy. Whenever Mom is in the room he wants to be with me even if he is just laying down at my feet.

Bear is dog #1. Mya is dog #2. Mya is Bear's best friend. She is a Husky. They met at Petsmart when they were both about 6 months old. She is usually at our house for a few hours at least 1 day each week. Her owners had to go out of town on Sunday so she stayed at our house from Sunday until Thursday of this week. They have so much fun playing together and they usually don't bark much when they are together. I enjoy watching them wrestle and chase each other around the yard. The other day I was playing with Bear tossing him his bucket, that's another story, when Mya decided that she wanted me to pay attention to her and not Bear. Each time Bear came up to me to bring me the bucket, Mya would stand between me and Bear like she was trying to tell Bear that I was hers and not his. Then when Shawn came outside to talk to me she acted like she wanted to climb into my lap, all 65 lbs of her. Shawn said "Mya you are too big to be a lap dog." Mya promptly climbed onto my lap with her front legs on one side of my legs and her back legs on the other and with her chest resting on my lap. She had laid her claim and didn't want anyone else in the way.

On Monday I was gone with Shawn when Mya figured out how to open the gate that one of the kids had not closed completely. That was all it took for her and Bear to escape. They were running down the street when David came home. While David and the kids were catching them they found two min-pin dogs running loose without ID tags on. We later found out their names were Jake and Tibber, dogs#3 & #4. It was about 6:30 and was quickly getting dark. For those of you who don't live in Utah we had a storm on Sunday that dumped 6 inches of snow on us. That snow was still on the ground so these poor dogs were very cold and shaking. Tyler walked around the block but could not locate the owners so we decided that we were stuck with them for the night. We had an extra dog kennel that was too small for Bear, unfortunately I had sold it 2 days before. We ended up with Mya in the dog run in the back yard, Jake and Tibber in Bears dog kennel in the garage (they wouldn't stop barking when left alone so they had to sleep in the garage so we could sleep), and Bear (who normally sleeps in his kennel by the back door) ended up sleeping in our bathroom so that he wouldn't bark every time they barked. Luckily everyone survived the night and even got a fairly good night sleep even though I kept worrying that the Jake and Tibber were freezing to death.

Tuesday morning I was able to locate their owner by calling the vets office that was listed on Tibber's rabies vaccine tag. They gave me the name and number of their owner who just happened to be a new member of our ward. David was released from the bishopbric on the Sunday that Mom and Dad were here. A new bishopbric was called and about 20 new families were added to our ward as out stake was reorganized from 9 wards to 7. Nelle, aka Grandma Nel, lives about 2 blocks away. She was in Salt Lake when I called her so I had the dogs for a few more hours. During that time I cleaned out and sanitized Bear's kennel, the dogs had messed all over it. I put them in our side yard, a small patch of grass on the side of the house between two gates, because the big dogs were in the back yard. Everyone got along as long as I was in the backyard to referee. I had a lot to get done so after a while I went inside. The little dogs promptly escaped. Once I discovered that they were gone again I was getting in the car to go look for them. Just as I was getting into the car, they came running around the corner of the block. When I whistled to them, they came running. I was very glad to see Nel when she drove up. I am definitely a one dog woman.

Great Dog Story

My sister Kristi sent this to me. I loved it so much I thought I would share it with everyone.

GREAT DOG STORY

Anyone who has pets will really like this.
You'll like it even if you don't and you may even decide you need one! Mary and her husband Jim had a dog named 'Lucky.'
Lucky was a real character.
Whenever Mary and Jim had company come for a weekend visit
they would warn their friends to not leave their luggage open
because Lucky would help himself to whatever struck his fancy.
Inevitably, someone would forget and something would come up missing. Mary or Jim would go to Lucky's toy box in the basement
and there the treasure would be, and all of Lucky's other favorite toys.
Lucky always stashed his finds in his toy box
and he was very particular that his toys stay in the box. It happened that Mary found out she had breast cancer.
Something told her she was going to die of this disease
....in fact , she was just sure it was fatal. She scheduled the double mastectomy, fear riding her shoulders.
The night before she was to go to the hospital she cuddled with Lucky.
A thought struck her...what would happen to Lucky?
Although the three-year-old dog liked Jim,
he was Mary's dog through and through.
If I die, Lucky will be abandoned, Mary thought.
He won't understand that I didn't want to leave him.
The thought made her sadder than thinking of her own death. The double mastectomy was harder on Mary
than her doctors had anticipated
and Mary was hospitalized for over two weeks.
Jim took Lucky for his evening walk faithfully,
but the little dog just drooped, whining and miserable. Finally the day came for Mary to leave the hospital.
When she arrived home, Mary was so exhausted
she couldn't even make it up the steps to her bedroom.
Jim made his wife comfortable on the couch and left her to nap.
Lucky stood watching Mary
but he didn't come to her when she called.
It made Mary sad but sleep soon overcame her and she dozed. When Mary woke for a second she couldn't understand what was wrong.
She couldn't move her head and her body felt heavy and hot.
But panic soon gave way to laughter when Mary realized the problem.
She was covered, literally blanketed, with every treasure Lucky owned!
While she had slept,
the sorrowing dog had made trip after trip to the basement
bringing his beloved mistress all his favorite things in life.
He had covered her with his love. Mary forgot about dying.
Instead she and Lucky began living again,
walking further and further together every day.
It's been 12 years now and Mary is still cancer-free.
Lucky? He still steals treasures and stashes them in his toy box
but Mary remains his greatest treasure. Remember....live every day to the fullest.
Each minute is a blessing.
And never forget....
the people who make a difference in our lives
are not the ones with the most credentials,
the most money, or the most awards.
They are the ones that care for us.

Last, last chemo

Yesterday was my last, last chemo. Although we thought that chemo #8 was the last. Dr. Gray promised me that #12 is the last chemo. My friend Kathy picked me up at 10:00 to go to chemo. Shortly after we arrived at Dr. Gray's office, Janice, my coordinator for the bone strenghening medicine drug study arrived. I was randomized into ARM 2 of the drug study which means that I will be taking 1600 mg of Clodronate Disodium every day for the next three years. Janice explained the medicine and all the tests and appointments that I will need to do over the next 3 years then she gave me 4 - 5 1/2" x 6 1/2" x 7" boxes of pills. That is a four month supply. Part of me wanted to be in ARM 1 which was the IV drug Zoledronic acid. That is the one that was studied in Austria and decreased the risk of recurrence in the bones by 36%. The other two pills are also bisphosphonates which strengthen the bones but they have not been studied anywhere at preventing the cancer from metastisizing to the bones. Part of me is glad that I am in ARM 2 because it has less side effects and I won't have to keep my port for 3 more years. I am hoping to have it taken out soon. My next appointment with Dr. Gray will be November 6th so hopefully he will okay the removal of the port. ARM 2 has the least known side effects. Nausea is the most likely effect. Vomiting, diarrhea or constipation, rash, alterations of liver enzymes in my blood, and alteration of serum calcium in my blood which can result in numbness and tingling sensations in my fingers and toes, muscle cramps, irritability or depression, seizures, and symptoms of heart failure or less likely side effects. Rare but serious side effects can be abnormal kidney function or failure or osteonecrosis of the jaw which is permanent damage to the jawbone. Hopefully all I have to deal with is the nausea and hopefully not every day. If the side effects are too disruptive I can always stop the drug study at any time. When we got back to the chemo room Janice also took some blood that will be used in other research studies. Luckily they could take the blood through me port before they started the chemo.

Dr. Gray and I discussed more about my upcoming schedule. I have an appointment with the radiation department at Ogden Regional Hospital on October 21st so that they can make a treatment plan and then I should start radiation on Monday October 27th. If everything goes as planned I should finish radiation on December 5th give or take a few days depending on their schedule for Thanksgiving. As soon as I finish radiation Dr. Gray wants me to start the hormone treatment, Tamoxifen. It is an antihormonal therapy which block the body's ability to use hormones that fuel a tumor's growth. I originally thought that I had to start the hormone treatment at the same time as the drug study. I am glad that I don't have to because then if I have side effects then I will know that they are from the Clodronate not the Tamoxifen. I will take the Tamozifen for 5 years unless I decide to have my ovaries removed so that I can take Femara or Arimadex which are aromatase inhibitor and which can only be taken by post-menopausal women. They work by stopping an enzyme called aramatase (found in the body's muscle, skin, breast, and fat) from producing estrogen from other hormones. Studies show that these medications significantly reduce the risk of breast cancer recurrence and increase survival time - in many instances more than tamoxifen.

I will be on the tamoxifen for two weeks before I meet with my OBGYN for my yearly physical. This will be the first time I have seen him since he found my cancer. I can't thank him enough for his thoroughness and for not brushing aside the symptoms because I am young. Many doctors still believe that young women don't get breast cancer so they don't listen to their patients when they have concerns early on then when the cancer is found it is often in the late stages. If you have a doctor that doesn't listen to you when you find a lump or something else or who doesn't think you need a mammogram, GO TO ANOTHER DOCTOR. You life may depend on it. I am so grateful that Jed found the mass that I hadn't even noticed. As I hear more stories from other cancer survivors, which I am now officially a survivor now that I have finished my LAST chemo, I am finding more women who's tumor was like mine, a gradual hardening of an area of the breast. Not a lump, just a hardening or thickening of the breast. That is something that I don't remember anyone telling me to look for. Anyway I will be forever grateful to Dr. Jed Naisbitt for saving my life. I may not be here today if it wasn't for him.

When I see Jed I need to talk to him about having my ovaries removed so that I can take an aromatase inhibitor. I don't think I will schedule it right away because I want to take the Tamoxifen long enough to determine if I can stand the side effects of not having the estrogen in my body. If the hot flashes, mood swings, etc. are too bad I definitely don't want to make them permanent. Time will tell. Regardless it will be January or February before I would do the surgery anyway.

Chemo went about the same as the last 3 treatments. Kathy and I went out to lunch at Applebee's afterwards. It was very delicious. I ate a lot which is good because by the time we got home I wasn't feeling very well. I ended up going right to bed and slept until 5:00. I wasn't up to eating much after that. My angel friend, Sherri brought dinner for the rest of the family. It looked good but all I wanted was some cornbread. Later I tried some rice pudding and then some ice cream because I was having a bad hot flash and wanted to cool off. Another angel in my life, Shannon came over and did the reflexology on my feet. I was able to get to sleep easily and slept until 9:00 this morning.

Today I am feeling okay. There is some nausea but it isn't too bad. I definitely feel A LOT worse nausea when I am pregnant. Basically I just don't feel very good. I am going to get up and start moving around to see if that helps. It usually does. That's all for now. I will try to write more often now that I am not swamped with planning two big events.

Three crazy weeks

Things have just been crazy over the last 3 weeks. It started out with Shawn getting the stomach flu which triggered a migraine that has lasted for the last 2 weeks. We would appreciate all your prayers in his behalf. Tyler also ended up sick with Rino virus. He is still coughing 2 weeks later but at least he only missed 1 day of school. In the middle of all this we were trying to get ready for Mariah's baptism, Shawn's Eagle Court of Honor, and Tyler earned his scout 1st class.

Mariah's baptism was probably the easiest to get ready for. David's mother made her dress. At the last minute we decided to add some ribbon in back because she likes the look. My wonderful sister, Kristi, came early on Saturday to help me. Thank heavens she did because I couldn't think straight on what needed to be done and I was about to fall apart. It is so frustrating because I used to be so organized and able to plan things out so that I wouldn't be stressed at the last minute. I still try to plan things out but the last minute stuff is a lot more stressful now. Kristi and her kids helped us finish the last minute things and get to the baptism on time. She even went to the store and bought ice and the ribbon for Mariah's dress then she sewed it on. Mariah loved the dress before but the ribbon added a delicate touch to the back. Earlier in the week I took Mariah and her friend, Kaylee, to the park to take some pictures. The picture above is one of them. On our way home we stopped at the gas station to pick up milk. A little girl behind us whispered to her mother "Look mommy, a princess." Mariah really liked that. Keisha helped by painting Mariah's fingernails and putting on some flower decals that I had purchased for this day. Kristi also sewed on a pink flower that was originally on Mariah's blessing dress when she was a baby. I hope to remember to put the same flower on Mariah's wedding dress when she gets married.

I didn't realize how much goes into an Eagle Court of Honor. I spent most of the two weeks before trying to get all the last minute details together. I made a fun DVD of Shawn's 8 years in scouts. It was fun to see him grow up in the pictures. I also put one picture from each year he was in scouts on the table. I will talk more about his Court of Honor later when I have more time and when I figure out where I put the camera with some pictures in it. The Court of Honor was very nice but unfortunately my camera battery died during the middle of it. I hope to get some pictures from other people who had cell phone cameras. For anyone who took pictures at the Court of Honor please email them to me at candytatton@yahoo.com. Thanks.

Although the last few weeks have been very tiring, I don't think I realized how emotionally tired I was until Saturday morning when we were trying to get the last minute things ready. Lately I have also noticed that it is harder for me to be patient with other people. Little things like children who are loud and out of control and parents who just ignore them and let them run wild and disrupt others or destroy property REALLY bother me now. It seems like wherever I go we end up being by people like this. I have been to several meetings where I had a hard time feeling the spirit because of the people around me. Saturday morning was our Primary Program practice at the church. We purposely waited until it was almost over to start setting up Shawn's stuff so that the kids would not get into it. Despite this there were a few that just couldn't resist trying to come in the cultural hall were we were. I told them they couldn't come in but that didn't keep them from trying several times. That was destracting and irritating and I think that was one of my final straws. Luckily they all went home before we were finished setting up. The FINAL straw came when we went over to the stake center for the baptism and as we walked in there were several children running around. When I looked into the gym they were setting up for a children's birthday party. I asked one of the parents if they knew that the church was reserved for a baptism. He said NO and asked who reserved it first. I said that we had and that nothing else was on the calendar. That was my last straw. I fell apart. I had worked so hard to make this day nice for Mariah and didn't want the spirit disrupted by the noise of a birthday party. I was nearly in tears. We ended up setting up the refreshments in the same room as the baptism and I had Shawn get the table and ice water so that I could avoid any further confrontation. After we set up the refreshments I went into the bathroom and fell apart. I was so frustrated! Then my Mom came into check on me. Then I really fell apart. That was the first time I had seen her since she left on her mission. She helped me to calm down but once the tears started flowing they didn't stop all day.

Once I calmed down enough to go into the chapel, I said a pray to have peace and to be able to feel the spirit and forget what was going on outside the chapel. Thankfully the other people kept the noise down so that Mariah's baptism was not further disrupted. It was a beautiful meeting. Mariah glowed with happiness. She had talked about and looked forward to this day for so long. It was extra special that her Grandma and Grandpa Larsen were given a week off from their mission to come share that day with her. Grandma Larsen gave a talk on Baptism and Grandma Tatton gave a talk on the Holy Ghost. After the first talk we went into the baptismal room. Mariah went down into the water with David and he baptised her. It was so beautiful. Mariah had the biggest smile on her face. She just glowed. I am so proud of her for making this choice. After she came out of the water I wrapped her in a towel and gave her a hug then we went and got her dressing in the dress her Grandmother had so lovingly made for her. She looked like and angel. After the second talk Mariah was confirmed a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Her baptism was extra special because it was the last one that our Bishop presided over because our Bishopbric was being released the next day. I was so emotional through the entire meeting. I cried almost constantly. The spirit was strong and everything ended up turning out okay. After the closing prayer we all went back into the baptismal room and ate cookies and took pictures. Then we had to hurry and clean up and go to our building for the Court of Honor. Like I mentioned earlier, I will write more about that later when I find my camera with the pictures and after I receive some from other people.

P.S. The sister that reserves the stake center called on Monday to apologize for the problems on Saturday. Apparently the birthday party was not supposed to be there. The people having the party were not even in our stake. Several months ago the Spanish Branch was moved from our stake to another one. The people holding the party were from that branch and went to the wrong stake center. I told her not to worry because it wasn't her fault and that it was over and in the past. I just want to forget about the problems and remember the good things that happened that day.

The day after

Chemo went well yesterday. I had a lot of fun talking and catching up with Marsha. She just got back from a trip with her husband Craig to England. They had a wonderful time and it was good to hear about all they did. Chemo went by quickly and smoothly. Afterwards we went to lunch at Marie Calendar's. I had an artichoke chicken dish. I don't really care for artichokes so I didn't eat them but the rest of the dish tasted wonderful. I also got a free piece of pie which I had to take home because I was so full.

It was a good thing that I ate a full lunch because by late afternoon I wasn't feeling well. By evening I was feeling pretty sick, sicker than I have felt in a long time. My sinuses hurt. I had a pain in my side that moved to my back. I don't have an appendix so I know it wasn't that. I also ached all over especially my legs and feet. Shannon, one of my many angels, came and did the reflexology on my feet which always helps. She thought it might be a cyst on my ovaries which I have had before. I decided to call Dr. Gray in the morning if it didn't go away on its own.

David and Brother Holmes gave me a blessing and I went to bed around 10:00. When I woke up this morning around 10:30 I felt fine. The pains in my legs and side were gone. My sinuses felt much better and I felt like I could get up and get something done. I know that I need to take it easy but there are still things around the house that I can get done while I feel good.

chemo #11

Today is chemo #11. My Aunt Marsha is going with me. Hopefully it won't take as long as the last one. I am getting more run down as the time passes. Thankfully I still don't have the extreme fatigue that many people have but I have noticed that my energy level is lower. Some days it is low enough that I want to take a nap but if I do then I have a hard time sleeping that night. Kind of a catch 22. Some good news is that my eyebrows and eyelashes are almost back to normal. My hair is coming in thicker but it is also grayer than I remember before. It is still pretty thin in the front on top of my head. Once that fills in I think I will go without my scarfs when I go places a lot more. It is kind of funny to see kids faces when they look at me now without a scarf. They aren't sure what to think whether I cut my hair that way or if I just have a bad haircut. Either way they are confused. Having a scarf on still gives me an opening to explain to them why my hair is so short because they are more curious than confused.

I have been very busy lately. David and I went away last weekend for our 18th anniversary. We have a good friend who has a cabin up by Brighton Ski Resort. He let us use it for three days. We left on Friday morning after the kids went to school. We stopped in Salt Lake and went to the temple and then took a quick tour of the Conference Center. The temple session was very peaceful. I went through for a lady who was born in 1752. I really notice my energy level being lower when I walk with David or Shawn. I didn't have a hard time keeping up with them before I had cancer but now if I try to keep up with our normal pace I get a little winded. I have never been to the gardens on top of the Conference Center so we decided to take a quick tour. Our friends, Gale and LaDee Jensen, from our ward, are missionaries serving at the Conference Center on Fridays. We were lucky to catch Gale as he was finishing another tour so he gave us a personal tour of the gardens. We headed up to the mountains after that.

It was so beautiful yet a little chilly at the cabin. We just relaxed, watched movies, played games, and put a puzzle together. On Saturday we walked around Silver Lake which is by the parking lot for Brighton. It is flat and very easy to walk around. The whole walk is about 1 mile. The last time we came with the kids we saw lots of small wildlife. This time there were too many people and most were being very noisy so whatever wildlife there was around would not come out. We did see several ducks and two squirrels. On Sunday we attended church at the chapel by the lake. It was so beautiful looking out the windows at the mountains and all of God's creations during the meeting. I was so grateful just to be able to be there and be able to enjoy everything. I am also grateful for 18 wonderful years with my sweetheart, David. He is so good to me. I am grateful that we found each other and that we were sealed in the temple for time and all eternity. I hope to have a lot more time with him and my kids and to be worthy of all eternity together. It was fast and testimony meeting. Their branch was having a fast for the missionaries in their area so most of the testimonies centered around how missionary work has effected their lives. It was a wonderful meeting. After church we packed up and went home. I was so tired that I ended up sleeping for several hours when we got home. It is amazing to me that I can get tired when I really didn't do much but sit around for 3 days.

Marsha should be here in a few minutes to take me to chemo so I need to go. I just wanted to let everyone know that Mariah is going to be baptised on Saturday, September 27th at 1:00 in the afternoon then Shawn will be awarded his Eagle for scouts at 3:00 the same day. Mom and Dad received permission from their Mission President to come home for a week so that they could be here for these two wonderful events. We would like to invite everyone who would like to come and participate in honoring both of them to join us. I have a few invitations I will be sending out but I don't have the time or energy to make one for everyone so please join us if you can and forgive me for my lack of energy in getting announcements out. Gotta go. I love you all. Thank you for your support.

Candace

Shawn's Eagle Project

Saturday was Shawn's Eagle Scout Project. The overpass on 5600 south in Roy goes over the railroad tracks and the FrontRunner commuter rail tracks. Like many overpasses, the cement underneath is a magnet for graffiti. Shawn's project was to paint over the graffiti and to repair a fence to make it harder for the "artists" to get to the tracks. Shawn and the volunteers but in a total of 81 hours on the project. They all did a great job.

Chemo #10

Yesterday was chemo #10. My friend Angie went with me. It is definitely easier for me to go to chemo when I turn it into a girls day out. Having someone to talk to while I wait makes the time go by quicker. I definitely needed that yesterday. My appointment was for 11:30 but I didn't get to see Dr. Gray until 1:45. He had another Doctor call him about another patient and he was on the phone for a very long time. I didn't mind waiting because I know he has had similar conversations with my other doctors. The chemo room was also very busy. Dr. Gray said that he would rather have me wait for him than to hurt the nurses feelings by having me have to wait for them. Having Angie there helped a lot. We were laughing and joking while we were in the lobby. There was an older gentleman waiting in the lobby while his sister was having chemo. He said that he was sorry to interrupt us but that he loved our attitude and how "fun" we were making my chemo treatment. Laughing and joking around while I wait helps to distract me from thinking about the chemo that is coming. Looking forward to going out to lunch after also makes it easier.

Chemo went well. Dr. Gray had them administer it slower to make it easier on my sinuses. It seemed to help. We went to Sizzler for lunch after. I love their strawberry lemonade.

The tips of my fingernails are starting to come apart from my fingers. In the picture my fingernails are all trimmed short. The white area is where the bottom layer of fingernail has separated from the other layers of fingernail. I am hoping that it doesn't continue to separate down the entire nail. If it doesn't then they shouldn't fall off and should grow back normally eventually. So far my toenails aren't doing this yet. Mariah had an accident last week when she was opening a door. The door caught on one of her toenails and ripped it down the center also pulling it away from the toe. We tried to keep it covered and taped down so that it could grow out before we had to cut it but that didn't work very well. David finally cut the separated nail off today. She will still have to keep it covered to protect the toe and hopefully it will eventually grow back normally also.

Wednesday we had our cancer support group lunch at Angie's house. She was very kind to let us use her pool in the back yard. Unfortunately the date wasn't very good so only two other "Survivor Sisters" were able to come but we had fun anyway. Teri and Ginny were there with their kids. My kids were the hardest to get out of the pool. It was so nice to sit and talk with Teri and Ginny about how our lives have been effected by breast cancer and to learn from each other's experiences.

Two members of the group couldn't join us because their fight with cancer have both taken a turn for the worse. I met Julie at our luncheon in June in Bountiful. It turns out that she went to the same High School as I did but she graduated 3 years before me. She found out a few weeks ago that her cancer is back. She had a double mastectomy on Monday. She was in the hospital for a few days but she is doing okay now. Another sister has had her cancer metastasize to her femur and hip bones. She is having surgery in another week to have a rod put in. News like this makes me stop and think. Even though my treatments and surgeries will hopefully be over by the end of next year, there is no guarantee that I won't have to fight it again at a later date.

Time leading up to chemo #9

A lot has happened over the last few weeks. Mariah turns 8 the week after school starts. I wasn't sure how the new chemo would effect me so I decided to have her birthday party early this year on July 21st. Katrina told me about a great deal on a pass to a place called The Kid Barn. It is a play place that has several things for the kids to climb, slide, and jump on. Mariah invited 6 girls, only 3 could come so we let Tyler and Kaylee's brother Ben come too. Everyone was so good and quiet in the car on the way there then they spent 2 hours jumping around and becoming hyper. The kids had a lot of fun. I thought that after all that running around and jumping that they would be tired for the drive home. Boy was I wrong. They were all hungry and full of energy. We ended up stopping for lunch before starting the hour long drive home. At home the girls decorated sun visors and ate cake and ice cream. It is at times like this that I really notice how much the chemo has effected my brain. I forgot to make the birthday cake the day before so I had to get up early to make it before we left for The Kid Barn.

Tuesday, July 22nd was our ward party at the Aquatic Center. This is an annual thing that everyone looks forward to. When we got there I realized that an umbrella wasn't going to do me much good so David went home and got our big shade then set it up on the grass for me. I relaxed in my chair and visited with several people. David and the kids played in the pool and went down the slide. It is fun to watch the grown men having competitions on how far they can go on top of the water before they sink after going down the water slides. David achieved his goal of reaching the rope that divides the sliding area from the shallower kids area. We were there for about two hours. When we got home I became sick and I realized that I had gotten a lot hotter than I thought.

Wednesday was our 6 month check up at the dentist. I found out about my cancer right after our last check up so my dentist didn't know about it. I was concerned that the chemo might have effected my teeth. It was a relief to find out that I didn't have any cavities. I really did not want to have to go through having dental work done on top of starting chemo again.

Thursday was July 24th, Pioneer Day, which is a holiday here in Utah. David still had to work because it is a state not federal holiday. It was also my sister-in-law, Tootie's birthday so most of David's family went out to lunch to celebrate. We also had plans for dinner and fireworks with some good friends. That made for a very long day but it was worth it because it was a lot of fun.

Friday we met John, Jennifer, and their kids at the Aquarium in Sandy. They are visiting from Florida. The Aquarium is my kids favorite place. Shawn could sit in front of the shark tank for hours taking notes on the shark's behavior, if we let him. To say that sharks are his passion is an understatement. He probably knows more about sharks than most of the people who work at the aquarium.

Saturday was spent getting ready to go camping. We were going to Anderson Cove by Pineview to camp on Sunday night, Monday, and Tuesday. I went grocery shopping with Ruth and Jennifer while the guys got the boats and motor homes ready. When I got home I went to pet our dog Bear and found that his foot was bleeding. Somehow he had torn one of his toenails out. It was handing at an odd angle and the quick was exposed and bleeding. I wasn't sure if I should take him to the vet, stay home from camping, or what to do. I ended up taking him to a groomer who recommended waiting for a few days to see if the nail fell off on its own. Our neighbors were watching him for us while we were gone and they said they would keep an eye on his foot for us. Bear stayed inside in his kennel instead of in the backyard so that he wouldn't get it infected. He seemed to want to be in his kennel and be left alone while he didn't feel good. Helen brought me home early on Tuesday so that I could take him to the vet. The nail came off sometime on Monday. His foot was fine but the vet gave him antibiotics to help the swelling go down. He still likes to chase the ball only for now he is running on three legs. He is definitely my dog. While we were waiting at the vet I asked him to shake. Immediately he lifted his paw to shake my hand. Little did I know that my kids have been trying to get him to do that but he wouldn't do it for them. I guess the right person needed to ask him. He is doing much better now. He has started using his sore foot most of the time now.

We went camping on Sunday night, Monday, and Tuesday as planned. Everyone had fun. My favorite part was the apple smores. They are made with toasted marshmallows and chocolate sandwiched between apples instead of graham crackers.

Tuesday night Shawn and Tyler had a Court of Honor for scouts. Tyler received 5 merit badges and two rank advances. Shawn received 6 merit badges. He only needs to complete one elective badge and his Eagle project to receive his Eagle.

Wednesday I met Kristi and Katrina and their kids at The Kid Barn. My kids stayed there with them while I went to my checkup with Dr. Rosenthal. This was the first time that she had seen my incision without a bandage or surgical tape. The incision is healing well. The range of motion for my left arm is basically back to normal. Most of the swelling and numbness is gone. I don't think I could have asked for a better recovery from the surgery. Dr. Rosenthal is truly an amazing surgeon.

Wednesday night we went with David's family to the trout farm. Each of the kids got to catch some fish. At first Shawn wanted to catch the huge fish at the bottom of the pond but once we told him how expensive the big fish would be he decided to settle for a smaller fish. He tried for a while with his fishing pole and bate but the fish weren't interested. Finally he switched to the pole and hook that they provided.

Thursday morning was supposed to be Shawn's doctors appointment with his new doctor. That appointment was cancelled because the doctor had surgery the week before and wasn't up to seeing patients. That actually worked out for the best. John and Jennifer were able to take Shawn and their son Daniel snorkeling at SeaBase by Grantsville, Utah. They were there when they fed the nurse sharks. John said that Shawn was so excited that he was shaking. He was actually in the water taking pictures of the sharks. It will be interesting to see if any of the pictures turn out. Once the sharks ate they swam down to the bottom of the deep pond. After that they snorkeled with the other salt water fish in the ponds. Snorkeling was a lot of fun for him even though the visibility wasn't very good. After Shawn got out and took his wet suit off he realized that he had forgotten to take his cell phone out of his pocket so it was very waterlogged. The phone was ruined but luckily the SIM card still worked so he was able to switch it to his old phone and still use it. On the way home he was so mad that he gave himself a head ach.

Thursday afternoon was my 9th chemo. David went with me. I started with my appointment with Dr. Gray. He decided to do 4 rounds of CMF. It is a different chemo combination than I have had before. The schedule will be as follows.

#10 - August 21st

#11 - September 11th

#12 - October 2nd

3 to 4 weeks to recover then 6 weeks of radiation that should finish the 1st or 2nd week of December.

We also talked about my options for hormone treatments. There are two types of hormone treatment medicines. The first type is for pre-menopausal women and is called Tamoxifen which is an estrogen blocker. My cancer is fed by both estrogen and progesterone. By blocking the estrogen the Tamoxifen decreases my chances of the cancer coming back. The second type of medicine is for post menopausal women. It is Femara or Arimadex. In order to take the second type I would have to have my ovaries removed. The advantage to the second type is a 5% decrease in recurrence over the Tamozifen. I need to decide if that 5% is worth having another surgery and the other side effects of menapause. I will also need to take a bone strengthening medicine since my lack of estrogen will weaken my bones. Breast cancer tends to come back in the bones and then the liver. By strengthening my bones I will also reduce my chances of recurrence. Dr. Gray told me about a drug study in Austria that found a decrease in recurrence in breast cancer patients taking the medicine by 36%. There is currently a study for the same medicine here in the US. I am waiting for the information about the study to decide if I want to sign up for that study.

After our meeting with Dr. Gray we had about 45 minutes until I was supposed to start the actual chemo injection. We ran to get something to eat before we started. When we got back I was okay until I saw Glenda, my favorite nurse. I said "that it was good to see her again but I was sorry to see her again." She said, "that she was sorry to see my name on the chemo schedule that morning" then she gave me a hug. That is when the first of the tears started to come. It was emotional for me to go back to chemo after thinking that I was done. The actual chemo wasn't too bad. It only took about 1 hour.

On our way home we stopped at David's mother's house. John and Jennifer were leaving for Florida on Friday morning so we wanted to spend as much time with them as we could. The girls worked on making jewelry while the kids played. I am going to miss Daniel and Rachel. I love their hugs and listening to them pray for me to get better. They both have everyone wrapped around their fingers. It was hard to leave but I started to feel sick around 8:30 so I knew I needed to go to bed. Friday is a blur. I don't remember much of what I did but I don't think I slept all that long. I did sleep most of the day on Saturday. I remember waking up and thinking that I needed to get up or I wouldn't sleep well that night. The next thing I knew it was several hours later and I still hadn't gotten out of bed. I finally got out of bed around 3:30 p.m. so that I could get a massage from my friend Beth. Her massages are amazing. They always make me feel better. I will always have to be careful when I get a massage from now on because if they work too close to my arm it could cause lymphadema or swelling in my hand and arm. She was careful and worked mostly on my head, neck, and sinuses. I felt a lot better when I left. By Sunday I was so sick of sleeping that I made myself get up and go to church. I always feel better when I am up and moving.

Sorry it has taken me so long to get this posted. It has taken me several days to type this entry. My arm isn't used to typing so it gets sore when I do too much. I also get tired easily. It is now Tuesday evening, August 5th. The side effects from chemo #9 are starting to wear off. The side effects for CMF are generally in the sinuses and the mouth. I was lucky that my mouth still feels normal but it did bother my sinuses. It is so hard to explain how it feels to someone who has not experienced chemo. The best way I can describe it is that my sinuses were bothering me and it felt like I had smelled some bad perfume that wouldn't go away. Comparatively speaking, this side effect is nothing compared to the other two types of chemo but emotionally it has been hard for me to take probably because I was feeling normal again. Now that it is starting to pass and now that I know what to expect I think I will be better able to gear up for the next three treatments.

I decided to take each of my kids school shopping on a separate day so that I don't end up mad at them, because they are fighting with each other, and so that I hopefully won't over do it. Mariah was first. She is usually the easiest to buy for because she likes clothes but it took forever to find shoes for her. She has wanted Champion shoes for a long time. You would think they would be easy to find. Almost every store carries one version or another of these shoes. She doesn't care the brand, just the look. All we could find were obnoxious colors, very sparkly, or Hannah Montana ones. She HATES Hannah Montana and even if she didn't I wouldn't have bought them because they were UGLY! All she wanted was a simple, conservative, nothing flashy, pair of shoes. Finally when I was about to give up we found some at Shopko. They had white ones and brown ones. The white ones didn't fit so we decided on the brown ones. The white ones were $8.99. The brown ones were $19.99, just my luck. We were also looking for white shoes for her to wear with her baptism dress. Shopko was the only store that even had white shoes. Luckily they had her size.

Shawn's turn was today. We started out at the High school registration at 7:30 a.m. After that we ended up going to several stores searching for camouflage cargo pants. Usually we have a hard time finding his size. This time we couldn't even find one pair in any size. School starts in 2 1/2 weeks and none of the stores have long camo pants in yet. He finally settled for one pair of jeans and two t-shirts. Tomorrow is Tyler's turn.